


It Was But a Choice

by PandaoftheInquisition



Series: It Was But a Choice [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2018-10-17 01:25:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 41
Words: 334,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10583529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaoftheInquisition/pseuds/PandaoftheInquisition
Summary: Two women, who happen to be enjoying life as it were, find themselves sucked into a world of magic, war, and suffering. They have no idea the influence their choices will have over the upcoming events. Nor do they know how their story shall end.





	1. The Strangest World Yet

The scene was set with two women, hard at work studying. One of them had several books open in a different language while the other was hard at work on a subject that was in English. Frustration was etched into the woman with red curls as she struggled to think through the sentences she was creating upon the paper under her pencil.

“Baah, this homework’s too hard!” said a girl with red curly hair and red glasses. She tossed a pencil down on the open notebook with a frustrated sigh. With her frustration she pushed a hand through her short hair and then settled, all but threw, her arm onto the armrest of the chair.

“You can do it, Haruko,” another girl with black glasses and short light brown hair. Her face bright and encouraging. “You’re good at Japanese.”

“Not as good as you think I am,” Haruko said with a pout on her face. There was a look of frustration and yet of knowledge. Sure she was talented at Japanese, but she knew enough to get by without having much of an intelligent conversation.

“I think you don’t give yourself enough credit,” the other girl said with a giggle. She’d known that Haruko would get frustrated with her work often enough to learn that the woman just needed a bit of encouragement and perhaps a slight poke at her ego. Haruko made a face in response and then returned to her work.

“What about your work, Maeve? Getting any of it done?”

“Actually, I just got done with the paper I was working on,” Maeve replied with a smile. Haruko scowled and returned to her work. She was writing down characters in Japanese, trying to memorize them for a test that was coming up. One after another. One after another. In a repetitious manner so that she would memorize and remember what she was studying and writing. However, it was apparent this was not the way she wanted to study.

“Don’t get upset, you’re almost done too,” Maeve encouraged as best as she could.

“I hate it when people mention that I’m graduating,” Haruko replied, not looking up from her work.

“Who said anything about graduating?” Maeve retorted with a smile again. Haruko glanced up at Maeve, a small glare in her eyes but quickly ignored her friend to get back to her homework. It was true, there was no mention of the word “graduation” but it was still something that Haruko didn't want to think about. Not when she wasn't sure as to what her life was going to be outside the confines of the College Campus.

“I did,” Haruko said after a time. “I just… don’t like thinking about it.”

“I know you don’t,” Maeve said calmly. “But you can still visit us if you get that job down in Indi.”

“Yeah, only on the weekends that you two don’t leave on…If I don’t have family obligations and all,” Haruko reminded, rolling her shoulders a bit. She’d been writing for too long, and hunched over her notebook for too long. Her family was everything to her. They had stuck with her since the divorce, and even after when she was unable to get out of the abusive cycle due to age complications. The only reason she was being held within that retched house was because she was too young and adults thought they knew what she was thinking and going through.

“Understandable,” Maeve said in reply. “Speaking of which, we should probably go get the child.”

“Yeah…Aurdri’s probably waiting for us, we do have that pizza party she wanted to throw,” Haruko said, putting her pencil down and closing her notebook. “We should probably get some drinks before heading back to my dorm.”

“Good idea.”

The two packed up their things, putting books and notebooks into their backpacks and carefully putting away laptops. Haruko was very careful about her backpack, considering most of her life was in her laptop and she had already had several computers crash before. At those times her files had been completely deleted with nothing to back up. Those were some very depressing times. Maeve was particular as well. Everything had a place, and it was important to know where everything was. Like her phone that she had checked several times for messages that she might have missed.

They left the library, talking about their classes and planning for other times where they could study together. Finals were coming up, and the date of Haruko’s graduation was coming ever closer. Just the thought made her depressed and her anxiety flare up enough to make her chest feel tight. She didn't want to leave her life behind just yet, not when she’d already spent four long years here at her college. Maeve was just on her way through those years, at the halfway mark and still enjoying all that was college. Well as much as someone who was willing to study and then become just as anxious and worrisome as Haruko did during those times.

“Excuse me!” someone shouted at them.

“Yes?” Haruko asked, turning around. Maeve did the same, only half turning around to see some boy sprinting towards them looking panicked.

“Oh…um…I was wondering if you could…um…help me with something…” the guy asked. He seemed rather timid, almost panicked for whatever reason. Haruko glanced wearily at Maeve before looking back at the nervous guy. Something about this just felt wrong.

“Yeah, what is it?” Haruko asked, not sure if she should trust the guy.

“I can’t get my…um…laptop…it’s…um...frozen and I have a paper and I need to get it done and no one will help me and and and and,” the guy started to freak out more and more and then looked like he was going to break down.

“Calm down,” Haruko said, approaching carefully, more worried about the man’s mental well-being. “I’ll see what I can do, do you know what kind of laptop it is?”

“…I don’t know…” the man said and then kept repeating himself. Maeve did her best to calm him down as they walked to the table that was just outside of the library. There was a little place with tables for people to study outside when the weather was nice enough. Like today, a nice cool breeze would blow through the area and cool you off if you were getting too hot sitting in the sun. In the evening, the shade of the library would keep the sun off of you whilst you worked. They approached the table and saw that there was an older styled laptop with nothing but a blackish screen on it.

“Well this is an older one,” Haruko commented, sitting down and then typed a little on the keyboard. Her eyebrows scrunched up and she clicked more and more, typing in different codes. Maeve wasn't necessarily as apt for computers as Haruko was, given Haruko’s father had a job working with computers for ten years or so. So there was nothing much that she could do other than stand there and be supportive if that meant anything in that moment.

“It’s not working at all…But there’s not blue screen of death,” Haruko said, concentrating hard on the screen and then took out her phone to search on what kind of problem this was. No matter what she tried the screen didn't seem to move much. Occasionally there would be a flash of green in the corner or perhaps a strip right down the middle but that was strange in itself. Usually a computer uses primary colors, the red, blue, yellow scheme that was simple to follow. Seeing green only made her think that maybe the system was Linux.

“Haruko will fix it,” Maeve said, calming the man. With the intent of helping or figuring out what the problem could be, Haruko looked intently at her phone, scrolling through different blogs and informational websites but shook her head with frustration. There was nothing to say what this was. Nothing that would indicate how a computer would get this far into a bind. She even lifted the computer to see if she could find a make and model number only to find that there was nothing.

“So much for finding an answer,” Haruko grumbled, putting her phone back in her rocker jacket pocket and going back to the computer.

“Here let me look at it,” Maeve said, peering over Haruko’s shoulder.

“It’s just stuck on this one screen,” Haruko explained. The screen was dark. Haruko played with some keys again and the screen flashed once more. It was startling enough to make her and Maeve jump where they were. Now the screen showed an eerie cave, with a green hue. There was nothing to indicate there were any icons, no menu bar, not even the mouse upon the screen. Maeve and Haruko leaned into the screen, intently looking for something that would explain the sudden change.

“Perhaps you should have listened to your instincts,” the guys said right in their ears before everything disappeared around them. Maeve and Haruko were now falling down in an abyss. They shouted in surprise, shrieked in panic until they landed on the ground with a residing thud.

“OOF!” Haruko grunted as the ground met her back.

“AAAAH!” Maeve squealed. It was like they were in that picture that was on the laptop. There was a moment when they both were too engulfed in the pain of the landing to get their bearings around them. It was Haruko who stood up first to look around in a panicked state.

“Where in the hell are we?!” she breathed, unable to fathom what just happened. She stood up, looked around her to see nothing but the same few rocks and the faint greenish hue that everything had. It was the same as the screen they had looked through, but there was nothing to show that there was the screen that might have sent them here.

“Where are we?” Maeve whined, now in a sitting position, crying. Her body was shaking; her tears were already making a slight river down her face on each cheek.

“I don’t know but let’s get moving,” Haruko said, helping the crying Maeve up. “I have a bad feeling about this place.”

They walked through, splashing through what looked like water…or green goop that had the same consistency as water. The ground beneath them was not consistent at all. It felt sometimes they were walking on something that, dare they guess, fleshy where as other points it seemed as though they were on cold hard stone. This place didn't seem to end, forever winding through and weaving in confusing ways. Haruko was already becoming very worried since there was nothing to go off of to figure east or west. The trail never ended; just lead them farther and farther away from their original starting point.

“I want to go home!!” Maeve wailed lightly, unable to stop crying.

“Crying’s not going to help us here, Maeve,” Haruko said harshly, but not really meaning to be so harsh. She was only trying to figure a way out of this place. Panicking wouldn’t help, it would only make it worse, and not doing anything about their current situation was definitely not going to help either. But what was she to do? She had no proof to give to Maeve to help calm her down from this situation. No, now was not the time to get upset with the situation, not when one of them was already in a panicked state of mind. A calm mind would see them through whatever this was. There was suddenly the sound of skittering that came from behind them and Haruko looked to see what it was.

“Maeve…uh, don’t look,” Haruko said and grabbed her shoulder when she started to look. “Just RUN!”

They splashed loudly through the water, and found an area to climb up. The rocks slipped as they desperately climbed away from the spiders that chased them, knocking into some of them but not stopping the others from attempting to get to them. Haruko cut herself pretty deep on her left hand when she slipped from one of the rocks. She hissed with pain and ignored it as she continued to climb up. However, Maeve was not keeping up with the pace and was falling behind.

“I can’t! I just!” Maeve started to slow down. There was a pained and desperate expression upon her face.

“NO!” Haruko shouted, pulling her friend. “You are coming with me!”

Haruko forced Maeve to come with her, not willing to accept the fact that they would not be able to get out together. She did all she could to keep them together as they climbed, purposefully kicking rocks to slow down the hoard of spiders that were crawling to them. The spiders would squeal or shriek when they were hit and that sound seemed to echo down the bottom. But it did not help that for every one that was felled by rocks, ten more just seemed to replace it. Haruko looked up, desperate to find an out. With her hand already going numb with pain and Maeve starting to slow down, there was no way they would be able to keep up the pace they needed to out run the spiders. It was when things started to look their worst when a light shone in Haruko’s eyes. She blinked and tried to figure out what it was. If it was someone else to rescue them, it would be in their best interest to hurry towards it. But what of the spiders? She spent no time in getting them to a ledge before trying to force more loose rock to fall down.

“Haruko! I see a light!” Maeve shouted. Haruko was in the middle of causing another rockslide but knew exactly what Maeve was talking about. It was glowing brightly, and flickered like a flashlight would. With a final grunt and push, Haruko was able to send a sizable boulder crashing down upon the spiders that threatened their lives. Haruko waved at Maeve desperately

“Go! Just go Maeve!” Haruko shouted, running towards the light.

“This way!” it shouted. Haruko threw Maeve into the light and jumped through it herself. They tumbled through the light, almost floating with a current before being dumped onto solid ground again. They both gave a shout of pain.

“Alright!” Haruko shouted. She picked herself up off the ground and brushed dried grass and dirt from her favorite Japanese punk shirt and red plaid skirt. “I am done being thrown into things that I don’t know! I am done with being chased by spiders! And I am DONE with whatever this is!”

Maeve was just whimpering again, unable to get up for the time being. Haruko figured it would be best to just leave her there, but not leave the area. Her hand, now that the high of adrenaline was starting to wear off, was throbbing with the pain of her cut. She looked down at it and gave a little wince. It looked rather deep and left untreated would pose the possibility to infection. But it was more important for both of them needed to stick together through this and get back…somehow.

The place that they were in now was a bit colder, definitely not spring anymore. It was almost like they were in a park, the trees full with discolored leaves or no leaves at all. A breeze blew through and it gave Haruko a shiver. Maeve didn’t seem to be fazed much. All things considered she was the one that was wearing a slightly fleeced jacket and pants as opposed to Haruko who was in a skirt and a rather short one at that.

“Well…wherever we are, we need to find different clothes,” Haruko said zipping up her jacket the best she could to protect herself against the cold. “Come on Maeve, when we find a place out of the cold you can cry some more.”

Haruko helped calm down Maeve just enough to get them moving. They walked down a beaten path, weary of the things that they might run into. So far, there was nothing but weird, maybe an occasional wolf or goat but nothing too terribly out of the ordinary. If it were wolves, they left well enough alone. Haruko was grateful for that, seeing as they had no protection from those creatures. The thought of them being mauled to death by was beginning to pose a big problem in Haruko’s mind. The nature here acted as though it were winter, not spring, and Haruko’s clothes were for such weather. Maeve’s was a bit better with long jeans and a lined sweatshirt designed to make it seem like she was wearing a Spiderman costume. It also didn't help that the terrain was not the best. Hilly and rocky, and yet Haruko was grateful for the tall boots to hug her weaker ankles. She was not grateful for the fact that her shoes didn’t breathe properly.

In the distance, there were soldiers or what seemed to be soldiers, perhaps they would be willing to help poor lost souls out…or kill them. But what were they to do? They were out here, alone, weak from running, and in no position to survive the cold out here. Hell if the sun went down they would freeze to death.

“Haruko…who are those guys?” Maeve asked, clinging onto Haruko like a bur to a wool jacket.

“I don't know…but we won’t know until we go to them and ask,” Haruko said taking a step forward before being yanked back. She looked down at Maeve who looked just as terrified as Haruko felt.

“What if they kill us?!” Maeve exclaimed. Haruko let out an exasperated sigh. Yes, she was well aware of the gamble they were taking and not being able to take care of themselves in their current state was not worth their lives.

“If we don't ask we aren’t going to get anywhere!” she pointed out. Maeve still clung tightly to Haruko’s arm, her hand throbbing in protest every time it was bummed into. Haruko had to place a brave face and ignore it for her friend’s comfort.

“Um excuse me,” Haruko called out. The strange men turned, one actually a woman, and drew their weapons. Both of women them froze in their places.

“Identify yourselves,” they ordered. Maeve let out an “eep” and shrunk behind Haruko’s larger frame. Haruko held up a hand that she could to show there was no weapon, while the other was being tightly clung too.

“I’m Haruko Ruskin,” she said then gestured to Maeve. “This is Maeve Herrschaft, we seem to be lost.”

The strange soldiers looked at one another, as though communicating something, before looking back at the two women.

“Where did travel from?” one of them asked.

“We aren’t really sure,” Haruko explained. “We were at our University, helping out some guy, then we ended up here…well in a stranger place first, then here.”

“…university?” the other asked, looking confused. The soldiers didn't seem to believe them and their weapons were raised higher. Haruko held up her hands, even ripped the one that Maeve held onto so tightly. The blood on her hand was already dried and it was starting to bruise from the force of the slip.

“Hey hey! No need for those!” she said, now getting rather nervous about their situation. “Look, we just want to find shelter, maybe some food and a way back home. No trouble, we aren’t even armed.”

The soldiers didn't seem to believe Haruko. They seemed like they were staring at her hand with more suspicion than before and Haruko couldn't figure out why that would be a thing. Wouldn't a normal person be less weary of someone who was hurt and not wearier?

“Heyhey!” Haruko stepped backwards, nearly tripping over Maeve, who had given a slight squeak in reaction. “Look, if we wanted to harm you guys, do you think we would have come up to you?”

That seemed to slow them down, no, they actually put their weapons away. A sigh of relief escaped past Haruko’s lips and she too relaxed a bit. It seems their words and reactions were what won the day here. It did not alleviate the tension in the air.

“We have a place…but we aren’t sure if we could help you…we have other things to worry about,” one of them said.

“Uh…like what?” Haruko asked, curious. The soldier point to the sky. Haruko looked and saw a giant green rift open in the sky. It almost looked like a hurricane but with some sort of light shooting up toward it. It made her feel uneasy, and she knew that something like that was not natural…if at all possible. Shouldn't there be wind and rain if this were a hurricane of sorts? Hell if they truly were looking at something like that the storm itself must have been rather high in the air. Nothing about this made scientific sense.

“What the hell is that?!”

Maeve was now just whimpering again. Haruko didn't take notice, she was too busy trying to think of what the hell that thing could be in the sky. However, she did place a protective hand in front of Maeve unconsciously.

“We call it the Breach,” the soldier explained. “Each day it is pouring out demons, and causing other rifts to form in other places.”

“Demons?!” Maeve exclaimed.

“Well that’s an easier fix,” Haruko said. “Just throw holy water and read from the Bible, that usually takes care of them…you guys have priests that can do that right?”

“Bible?”

What was going on here? Everything that Haruko said seemed to just confuse the soldiers more.

“You know, the Holy Bible, Word of God, that sort of thing,” Haruko tried to explain, now feeling an uneasiness that she hadn’t known before. She’d read a few stories like this, the hero falls into an unknown land, unknown culture, and cannot return…the way things were going, they were playing out exactly like those stories.

_Please let it not be true_ Haruko thought desperately. _Please…please let it not be true…_

A soldier seemed to look to the sky, for the sun or something else perhaps.

“We should get going, we will make it to Haven by nightfall at this rate,” the soldier said briskly, now walking away from them.

“Haruko…” Maeve whimpered, grabbing Haruko’s arm. Haruko gave a little wince before looking down at her friend.

“Yeah…I know…” Haruko said, patting Maeve on the head. If she had hugged Maeve, she too would start breaking down.

~

By the time they got to a small town called Haven, they were exhausted. Haruko could feel blisters starting to form on her feet from her boots, and she could only imagine how Maeve must have felt. Maeve had a messed up knee, perhaps torn ligaments but she wasn't sure. Haruko herself had a weak knee, not just from her family genes but also from breaking it when she was young. However, she had been fighting to keep the pain it caused at least tolerable but using it as much as possible to strengthen it. But that only did so much.

Whatever the case, she couldn't do much walking and with all of this activity that they had been doing in the last twenty-four hours, Haruko could only hope that she wasn't in too much pain. They walked to the gates and sat down, trying to catch their breath that never seemed to return to their bodies. Maeve was the one that rested up against the nearest tree to catch her breath. Haruko was the one that stood there, panting and taking in her surroundings.

“You did good for such a long hike,” one of the soldiers said in jest. Haruko just gave the man a warning glare then turned to Maeve. Her hand was aching now, so much so that she had placed it within a pocket of her jacket to take the weight of gravity off of it.

“How are you holdin’ up?” she asked her friend. 

“…I hurt…all over…” Maeve panted out. Haruko nodded in response and looked to the gates of the town. They were wooden, with the design of ancient civilizations in mind. In fact, this was not the first time that Haruko had noticed the strange likeness to the medieval period this place had. There were crumbled ruins at one point where a fort stood, courtesy of one of the soldiers traveling with them, and it looked more like a castle than a fort. This one was more of a basic wooden fort, built in a hurry perhaps or lack of materials for a stonewall. Whatever the case, this place was only getting stranger and stranger as time went on.

“So, this is Haven?” Haruko asked the soldier and got a nod in reply. Haruko looked at the big gate then over at the rift in the sky. Hopefully they wouldn’t have to deal with the demons…they themselves knew nothing of combat. Haruko only knew how to protect herself in theory, but never got to practice every day. Maeve had zero training, nothing what so ever, and now they were thrust into a world that might require them to protect themselves. From what the soldiers told them, they were in a land called Thedas, that was being torn apart by an explosion that went off at a place called the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Haruko hoped to never see such a place.

“Come on Maeve,” Haruko said patting her friend on the shoulder. “Let’s get inside and get some warmer clothes.”

They walked through the gates and were greeted by the sounds of metal clanging on metal as well as the occasional shouts of men and women fighting one another. These were the soldiers training for combat. Haruko’s jaw dropped when she saw actual knights fighting in practice with one another. This place was exactly like the books that she had read in her free time. Unlikely heroes being thrust into a different world often times one of a different time period to a parallel one. Maeve brought Haruko back to reality with a squeeze of her arm. Haruko looked away and saw a woman in purple and a strange looking eye pattern woven onto her shirt walking towards them. This woman was not one to be messed with, judging by the serious look on her face.

“Who are these people?” she asked shortly. And there was the second bit of evidence needed to know this woman was not to be messed with.

“They appeared out of nowhere, Seeker,” the soldiers reported. “Much like what happen with the Herald.”

That warranted them a glare from the lady named Seeker. Maeve hid behind Haruko again, unable to stare down this woman. Haruko stood fast, even placed a protective arm behind her to shield Maeve. It was almost natural the way Haruko was able to square up, even if she knew in her mind there was no way in hell she’d win in a fight against this woman. This Seeker oozed experience, battle experience and would not tolerate any sort of business from the funny category.

“Why should we trust you?” Seeker asked with a glare as equally biting.

“…” Haruko thought about her answer carefully. “We have nothing to give to you that would make you trust us…we can give you the truth, and that is all you will have.”

“Which is?”

“We were helping someone out with their computer, and then we…we were sucked into it, falling, and ending up in a place that looked like a cave or ravine with water on the ground. There was a greenish hue to everything, and an eerie feeling like you were being watched. Eventually we were chased by spiders, and climbed up a rocky cliff towards a shining green light. There was light, it might have been some sort of shape, I don't know, but it shouted something at us. We ran towards it and then we ended up here, with your soldiers, who were kind enough to bring us here,” Haruko explained with as much detail as she could. “We have no money, no food. My friend here is hurting from the walking and cannot do that much activity in a day. We ask for a place to stay, some food, warm clothes and possibly help to get home.”

Haruko left out her injury on purpose. There was no need to make it seem like she was pleading their case based on herself. Selflessness usually was better in these sorts of situation. Besides, Haruko’s personality was a self-sacrificing one. In Maeve could get food and shelter, that would make Haruko happy enough to look for shelter on her own. She didn't have any proper training in self-survival but she had enough common knowledge to figure it out…if it would come down to that.

If Seeker had any emotion to their story at all, she didn't show it. In fact, it seemed as though she was contemplating their situation. There was not a hint of compassion or pity that went in their direction, but one of contemplation and question if you would call it that.

“Your situation is not so different from the other refugees here. However, the circumstance to which you came here is suspicious,” Seeker said. There was a sinking feeling starting to grow in Haruko’s stomach.

“Please, Seeker,” Haruko said, taking a small step forward. “We know nothing of this place, nowhere else to go! I beg you please, at least take my friend!”

“That would leave you out to the elements to die, a worthless sacrifice,” Seeker said turning her back. Haruko didn't know what happened, her body just moved of its own accord.

“You don't understand!” Haruko shouted grabbing Seeker’s arm. Thankfully it was her right hand that wasn't injured. “What would happen if you were suddenly thrust into a world with nothing to your name?! No money, no food, no clothes for the cold?! You know nothing of the land here, the people, perhaps even the language! Then what?! Would you cut everything down with your sword that you have at your hip? Crush skulls to settle disputes with your shield on your back?!”

“Enough!” Seeker interrupted, but did not shout. Haruko’s mouth closed but her glare remained. The Seeker regarded her with, something, there was an emotion that Haruko couldn't quite put into words but at least the Seeker was attempting to listen.

“I hear your call, strangely enough it reminded me of my duty, even though I am in the middle of trying to protect others from the Breach. I will see what I can do, at least I can give you some clothes to wear,” the Seeker then said.

Haruko felt the relief wash over her face and she gave a happy look to Maeve. At least they would have clothing to keep them warm in this wintery cold.

“Thank you…Thank you thank you” Haruko said with a slight bow of her head before returning Seeker’s arm. The woman walked away and left them to their own devices. The soldiers showed them to a building called the Chantry and gave them some clothes to wear. Haruko got tall brown boots that were more comfortable than her combat boots and some wool pants and a shirt to go with it. Maeve got the same thing only a little smaller to fit her size. There was also a Sister that was there to help wrap up Haruko’s hand once it was revealed that it was injured.

“This are the strangers that appeared the same as I?” a male voice came from behind them. Both women about jumped out of their skins to see a man behind them. He was tall with very dark brown hair. It wasn't ragged or shaggy, but actually well-kept considering the times. His head was square, very masculine, with a five o’clock shadow that darkened his already tanned face. He wore a heavy set of armour, or what looked like a heavy set, and a sword at his hip. It was obvious that he was prepared for battle.

“Yes,” Seeker’s voice answered. Haruko leaned a little to see Seeker standing behind the man. He was quite a bit taller than her, and definitely taller than Maeve, but most people were taller than Maeve.

“There’s no need to be frightened,” the man said noticing the uneasiness in the two women. Uneasy would be a light term for it, more like weary of anyone with a weapon.

“My name is Hal Trevelyan. I also am called the Herald of Andraste.”

Both Haruko and Maeve looked very confused. The hell was that supposed to be? Some sort of language they were not used to hearing? That would be a first since both of them studied languages and had a firm grasp on common sounds most of them made when spoken. They didn't necessarily understand what was being said however. Maeve’s eyebrows furrowed in the confusion while Haruko was the one to turn her head to the side to imply there needed to be more explanation.

“I think that may be a discussion for another time,” Hal said with a face of worry and pity. “I’m sure you two are thoroughly exhausted given what you two have already been through.”

“You may be right,” Haruko said with a tired smile. “Thank you for getting us clothes and a place to stay and food…and everything else.”

“I’m glad we could help,” Hal said with a deep chuckle. “I was informed that you were not from around here.”

“No, we are not,” Haruko said before feeling a gentle tug on her sleeve. She gave a turn to see Maeve, struggling to breath or maybe it was a break down, or perhaps both going on at the same time.

“Haruko…I can feel it…my medicine…I need my medicine,” Maeve said, her eyes filled with worry and anxiety. Haruko looked at her, confused at first before her eyes widened with the sudden realization.

“Is something wrong?” Hal asked. Haruko turned to him, and rather quickly.

“You don't have a potion or medicine that would help with anxiety would you?” she asked with an increasing sense of urgency.

“Anxiety?” Hal asked with a questioned tone. “You have medicine for that where you come from?”

“Yeah, Maeve gets these panic attacks, daily, and she needs medicine to keep herself calm and collected and normal,” Haruko explained quickly. She could feel Maeve’s grip tightening on her sleeve.

“We don’t have something like that,” Seeker explained. “She will have to do without.”

“I CAN’T just go without!” Maeve snapped, looking slightly crazed. “If I don't have my medicine then I start to have panic attacks over EVERYTHING! I can’t think! I can’t function! If I just internalize it then it starts to affect my body and and and…”

“It’s okay Maeve,” Haruko said, gently sitting Maeve down in a chair. The poor woman looked so jittery and worried. Haruko only wished there was some way to take that away now. There was no use for it, not here when you needed to have every ounce of wit to survive.

“There has to be something that we can do?” Haruko asked. The look on her face was one of tired desperation.

“I’m sure we can give her a sleeping potion for now,” Hal said. “I’ll take you to the healer now, perhaps there is something that Adan can make in the meantime that will help fight this anxiety.”

Haruko helped walk Maeve down to the healer’s and get a sleeping potion for her. It took a while before Haruko was able to convince Maeve to drink the potion, since she was so weary of what she was taking as medication all the time. There was no way to explain the ingredients, as it was made with things that even Haruko was having a hard time understanding. The plants, the method, everything was completely foreign to her even though they were explained in her native tongue so to speak.

“Maeve, it’s just going to help you sleep for now,” Haruko explained. “Then, when we have had enough rest, we will try a new medicine that they have here to treat your anxiety okay?”

“…fine…” Maeve said then drinking the potion and laying back on the bed that they had. Haruko sat in the seat next to the bed until Maeve had finally fallen asleep from the potion. What exactly where they going to do? Nothing here was like Haruko thought it would be. And what was worse, there didn't seem to be a shred of information to explain how they got there. Haruko gave a sigh and rubbed her face to free it from weariness. Aft that, she got up and met up with the Herald once more.

“I take it she fell right to sleep?” Hal asked once she found him. Haruko gave a weary nod.

“Adan said he would try and talk to some people, maybe try a few recipes and spells that will help with her anxiety. But as of right now, we have nothing that will truly help her with her anxiety,” her voice matched the level of exhaustion she had hit.

“I’m sorry about that,” Hal said, looking truly sorry about their situation. His face was one of pity. Haruko gave a heavy sigh. She was exhausted, no beyond that. She wanted to be back at home, hug her father, her little sister and her stepmother. She wanted to be back at school finishing her degree that she’d been working on for the past four years…but most of all, she wanted to get her friend out of this environment because that was what her personality demanded. The first thing that she ever thought of was not of herself; it was of Maeve getting out of here. Had it been any other of her friends, it would have been the same situation, same scenario.

“You should get some rest, you’ve had quite the day too,” Hal suggested softly. Haruko looked over at him, back at the door before rubbing the back of her head and throwing it down in exasperation.

“Yeah…I’m just…going to stay by Maeve’s side…I don't know when she’s going to wake up…I’m sure she’d want me there to help calm her down,” Haruko said. Hal nodded.

“We will discuss things in the morning.”


	2. Big Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the two women have found their way to shelter. Yet they are now stuck with an impossible situation. How exactly are they to find their way back?

It had been five days since the two had arrived to Thedas through unusual circumstances. Maeve had been holed up in the healer’s cabin, trying all sorts of different potions to keep her anxiety at bay without having to use a sleeping potion every time she started to have a panic attack. Being in this new environment didn't help at all. Haruko was doing her best to keep her friend calm, never too far from her friend’s side. However, not being able to do anything to help her friend was wearing down on her nerves. Not that she would let anyone else know about this.

She’d been used to being the singular pillar of strength for a long time. Before she had gone to college, she had been forced to grow up in a house where her mother didn't care about their well-being and only cared about getting back at their wonderful father. That sort of behavior never sat well with her even at a young age. It then fell to her to take care of two brothers, continually making sure they were okay while taking most of the abuse away from them. However, she was at the end of her rope by the time she graduated high school and had to leave for her own protection. But that was not without a cost. Now she no longer spoke to her brothers, and had completely restarted her life from age eighteen. It still hurt that she could not bring her brothers with her, to take them away from that.

“……eighteen years of that…” Haruko muttered, sitting on a crate that no one was using. It was a perfect spot to watch the soldiers in the distance training. But what was the point of thinking about that now? There didn't seem to be a way to return to the way things were before they arrived here.

“I’m sure you haven’t been here quite that long,” someone said. Haruko looked over to her right to see an elf with a small, amused smile on his face. He was bald, his ears rather pointed for the elves that Haruko was used to seeing. Well, the fictional TV shows and comics. Normally a cheery nature would have been welcome, but Haruko was working with already frayed nerves.

“No, I have been a mere five days with my friend…” Haruko muttered looking back to the door and then out at the horizon. She’d hope that he would leave her to watch the soldiers from her high perch.

“All of us must learn to stand on our own two feet at one point or another,” the elf said. Haruko gave a heavy glare, sharper than what she knew it to be. What right did he have to say that to her?

_He does not know…_ she had to remind herself with a small sigh to try and abate her anger.

“Yeah, and some people need others to help them stand up every once in a while,” she snapped. However, there was a realization that she had not yet calmed her own frustration and she gave another sigh.

“…I’m sorry…I know you meant well but that isn’t something that Maeve is able to do on her own. Some people are created differently and must learn to coup with it on their own or with some help. Not that you people would understand,” Haruko tried to explain before her energy fell out and she trailed off at the end.

“You also do not know much of this world; would you be so quick to judge it as I did you friend?” he said. It was as if he could read her intentions and that was the thing that irritated her the most.

“Solas, if you don't have something that will help Maeve with her panic attacks, then don't talk to me,” Haruko finally said, fed up with the elf. She said nothing more, ignored the elf even and focused in on soldiers that were training there. She watched their rounds they made, the swordplay they practiced with one another. She figured out who was completely new to a sword, judging on their fumbles, who seemed to succeed with it and who were struggling. It was interesting to merely sit and observe. She didn't know how long she sat observing, but eventually her concentration was broken by a small tap on her leg.

“Hm? Oh Maeve! Are you sure you should be walking about now?” Haruko asked, hopping down from her perch.

“Yeah…whatever they gave me works enough to keep the anxiety from getting too strong…but it still feels like it’s there…” Maeve explained. “I wanted to get out a little…”

“Yeah okay, you want to walk around a bit?”

Maeve nodded slightly. She looked exhausted and half of Haruko wanted to send her back to bed. However, Maeve knew her anxiety best. So Haruko gave a reassuring nod and started to walk about Haven just a little bit. She tried to teach Maeve everything there was to know about Haven, the things that she herself learned in the five days that they were there. The different places like the tavern, the soldiers’ quarters, the Chantry, some of the people that walked by and a few other things. It seemed to take Maeve’s mind off of the fact that they were not back at their university, but at the same time it started to overwhelm her slowly. Haruko could see the struggle to understand and comprehend the words that she was speaking.

“Ah, it’s good to see you are out of the healer’s cabin,” a familiar voice said. Haruko looked to see who it was and saw that it was Hal. He was walking towards them.

“She wanted to go for a walk,” Haruko said with a friendly wave. “But I think all of the new things are starting to overwhelm her.”

“Take everything in strides,” Hal said gently. “We don’t want you to rush anything.”

“We kinda have to get back though,” Haruko said with a little bit of worry. “If not for Maeve’s medicine but for our families…I’m sure they are frantically searching for us.”

Hal looked pained, as though he really wanted to tell them something but now was not the time. Haruko took note of that look but refrained from saying anything at the moment. It didn’t help that her stomach was sinking and there was the feeling of helplessness that was creeping in.

“When can we go home?” Maeve asked, looking slightly panicked. Guess it didn't matter if they tried to avoid the subject now. Maeve could figure it out far faster than if they tried to lie about it. It would also make her mad if she caught the lies.

“I’m not sure yet,” Hal replied. “We are sent out letters to other Mages that may know of your situation. It will take some time for a response.”

Haruko nodded. If they didn't have the same technology as Haruko and Maeve knew, then this was going to take a lot longer than what they would have wanted. They had letters and missives with people who would march out. There was no email, there was no internet, there were no phones. Even Haruko had gone so far as to turn her phone off, fearing that there would never be a chance to charge it up once again, to see her family’s faces on that screen. That was the part that pained her the most out of all of this and she could feel her own sense of loss starting to creep in suddenly.

“Perhaps you both could help by helping us. Surely on our travels we will hear of something pertaining to your plight,” Hal suggested. He watched Haruko’s hesitant gaze and yet she gave a nod in response.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Haruko said then turned to Maeve. “Maybe some sort of routine will keep your panic at bay?”

“The healer mentioned something about that…I’m willing to try anything,” Maeve said softly. It was hard to not tell her to sit down and rest when that’s all she had been doing for the past five days.

“What can you two do?” Hal asked. There was a silence that filled between the three, regardless of the people working around them. 

“Well…” Haruko started with a small bit of hesitation in her voice. “…I have trained to defend myself without a weapon…but I have never had to it.”

“Maybe that training could help you learn to wield a sword? If you are willing?” Hal suggested. Haruko looked hesitant. She knew that if she accepted this offer that would mean she would be training not only to defend herself but also to kill another person, which she did not want to do. However, given the circumstances of their situation, she could hope that she would never have to use it much like her karate. Maybe she wouldn't have to go out into the field and kill someone. She could only hope and pray that she wouldn't.

“…O-okay….” Haruko said with a small stutter. “Sitting around isn’t going to get anything solved…”

“What about you Maeve?” Hal asked directly. Maeve seemed to freeze up again, but with thoughts this time.

“…I’m no good at fighting,” Maeve said then slightly gestured to her own build. “However, I’ll be willing to learn how to defend myself…but at long range.”  
“A bow perhaps?” Hal offered. Haruko felt pained, given her nature to protect and take on too much responsibility.

“That would be perfect,” Maeve replied. Her feigned confidence was enough to convince Hal.

“Good, then let me take you to meet our Commander, Cullen Rutherford. He sees to the training of every soldier that we have here at Haven. He could come up with a regiment for you both as new recruits. Haruko, you’ll most likely fight with the normal foot soldiers. Maeve, you’ll train with the archers for now, but if you ever feel…unwell, you will be able to stop and find Haruko at any time or go to the healer at any time, until we find an elixir that will keep the panic at bay.”

“Thank you,” Maeve said softly, but she really meant it. They walked out of the main gates to the outskirts of Haven, a place they were familiar with. They walked past these soldiers five days ago when they first arrived. The stables were right next door to the training grounds. Haruko took pleasure in coming down here when Maeve was asleep to talk with some of the horses, or just to pet them. The animals helped to calm her nerves and to keep her somewhat grounded.

“Ah Herald,” a blonde man in red attire addressed Hal. Haruko was surprised to see such a young looking face. If this was the commander, he was certainly a young one or at least looked it.

“Hello Commander, these will be two new recruits,” the Herald explained. Maeve shrank back a bit behind Haruko and Haruko remained standing talk, protecting Maeve. The commander seemed to take notice and gave a small smile to attempt to make himself less intimidating. Not that he was to begin with, not to Haruko, but at least Maeve might feel better.

“Haruko will train with the sword and shield and Maeve with the bow. However, Maeve’s still not well, so if she needs a break please allow her to leave for a time,” Hal explained with the air of authority. 

_This guy must be the one in charge of everything._ Haruko thought to herself.

“As you say, Herald,” Cullen said. Judging by his initial reaction, he was exactly happy to hear that one of his newer recruits needed special accommodations. Haruko would fight regardless, knowing that they would be able to find some sort of a cure for Maeve, even knowing she wouldn't physically win a sword fight. Her eyes wandered over the training grounds, already knowing she was a novice at best within the ranks of these men.

“Well, Haruko, what can you do with a sword and shield?” Cullen asked. Her head snapped back to the conversation at hand. 

“Absolutely nothing,” Haruko answered honestly. “However, I can fight without one.”

“Really? Care to demonstrate?” Cullen asked. Haruko glanced over at Maeve before looking back at Cullen. This was going to be an awkward situation if it wasn't already one.

“I’ll need a volunteer,” she said cautiously.

“You there, come here,” Cullen commanded one of the soldiers that was in the middle of his practice.

“Sir!” The soldier came up to Cullen.

“Spar with her,” Cullen said.

“But sir, she is unarmed.”

“It’s okay, just do what you normally do,” Haruko said, her heart racing in her chest despite the calm demeanor. She gave Maeve a small motion for her friend to stand next to Hal as this sparring match happened.

The two walked away, giving them space to work out. Haruko got in her fighting stance and waited for the soldier to attack. Her fists were raised and ready for an attack. Haruko had to dig deep within her mind to remember how to deal with someone that had a knife. The only difference here is the knife was ten times longer than normal. She took a deep breath, attempted to calm herself, and readied for the charge.

The soldier charged and did the typical downward slash. Haruko stepped in, blocking with her left arm. She didn’t so much as block but actually she struck at the inside of the soldier’s arm. It was in one fluid motion that her block turned into a grab around the wrist that held the sword. The soldier stumbled in surprise when his arm was yanked forward and Haruko’s body came in super close. She then swiftly gave a light back fist, just to signal that the soldier had lost this battle but not enough to leave a mark of any kind. Perhaps a mark on his ego. Even then she shifted her hips so that she could get a decent grip on his shoulder, allowing the straps for his armour to help give a place of purchase, and easily threw her own wait against his unbalanced and surprised weight. A well-placed leg behind his forward placed one was enough to throw his unbalanced stance completely and the soldier found himself in the ground, dazed with confusion rather than with injury. Haruko still had a hold of his sword hand and quickly disarmed him before stepping away. But it was not a turn and walk away. No she knew better and backed up slowly. This was her fighting style.

“Is that it?” Cullen asked, a little less impressed than the others. Haruko almost looked pleadingly to not have to do more. The soldier was already standing up by the time she returned her gaze to her sparring opponent. He knew her trick, just the one, and was more than prepared to come at her a second time. Haruko jumped back as there was a side swing, but could hear her sensei screaming in the back of her mind.

_Don't you dare step back!_ He would shout at her. She gave a mental sigh about this and waited for a downward swing from his opponent. And threw a block upward. She could feel her hand throbbing with pain as the force of the two strikes reverberated through her arm. Without a second thought she turned it into a grab and stepped behind him. Her hand was placed right behind the elbow joint and she pushed hard. The soldier cried out in pain and tried to pull away. Haruko did her best to hold on but the strength she had wasn't enough. She jumped back from a horizontal slash and another wild strike. There was distance put between them once more. The soldier was learning and learning fast. It was his duty and she was trying to impress. With how out of shape Haruko was, her breaths were coming out in heavy pants already while the soldier in front of her remained calm and steady.

_Shit_ she thought to herself in frustration. The soldier was the one to engage once more and Haruko was going to make this her last stand. She stepped into his slash before he could complete it and struck hard and quick. She struck with an elbow, as though it were an uppercut and struck with all her might. It found its mark, and gave Haruko the chance to take his sword arm once more and twist it around so that she was behind him instead. His sword dropped from his hand and he cried out in pain as she held him there. No matter where he moved, she was right behind him, as though snuggling but with a killer hold of his arm that could easily be dislocated if she added enough pressure.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Cullen said as a command. Haruko took a few seconds to realize this ordeal was over and she slowly let go of the soldier’s arm. He stumbled away, cradling his arm to him once he got away. His glare was a fierce one and Haruko did not let him out of her sight.

“Impressive,” Hal was the first to speak. Haruko, out of habit gave a half bow to the soldier and a muttered apology. The soldier still glared and walked away from them to nurse his wounds. If wounds of pride counted.

“Yes, but it only works in this situation. You’ve never really had to use that sort of thing out in a real dangerous situation,” Cullen said. There was a look of surprise from Haruko yet in her mind she knew it wasn't that surprising. The man had experience in battle, and if this place was anything like the medieval ages, there would have been combat and he would have seen it.

“But at least you seem to understand the idea of single combat,” he then complimented her. “You didn't show your back to your opponent once, and made sure to keep his sword hand pinned.”

Haruko was happy to hear that she’d receive some sort of complement. Maeve had already come over to her side once more.

“I didn't know you could do that,” she said with surprise. Haruko gave a halfhearted shrug.

“I didn't think I could either…” Haruko seemed herself surprised. But that rush she felt, she didn't necessarily dislike it but she did not like the feeling that she was in mortal peril from the sword. Part of her was desperate to learn how to wield one so she might be able to defend herself properly.

“We’ll start with the basics, today you will train from dawn until I say, is that clear?” Cullen asked. Haruko looked over to Cullen, who didn't seem to mind interrupting the two and she gave a mocked salute.

“Uh, yes sir!” she said with half enthusiasm half she wasn't sure what was going on. Both Hal and Cullen looked a little confused and Haruko was the one to drop her hand from her forehead and slacken her posture.

“Uh…it’s the salute from our country we come from,” she tried to explain. “I’m not familiar with your customs yet…”

“Which is to be expected,” Maeve tried to speak up bravely. “We’ve only been here five days and it’s surprising that we are being recruited to learn to fight.”

“I was wondering if perhaps we were moving too fast,” Hal said with a thoughtful look upon his face. 

“If it will be payment for the attempting to find a way back to our world and for the food and provisions you’ve already provided, I won’t complain,” Haruko then said. 

“Are you sure?” Cullen was the one to interrupt. “This isn’t a game. You are going to be trained to fight for the Inquisition. Your lives would be at stake.”

“I don't know about Maeve,” Haruko said with a small glance to her friend. “But I have had five long days to think about our situation. If there is a way to give back in return for a chance to go home, I’d be willing to sacrifice for that.”

The determination that Haruko had was surprising. Even Maeve was surprised. However, it was only Maeve who knew that once Haruko had made up her mind, she was going to follow through with it no matter what. Hal and Cullen were the ones to exchange glances and a silent conversation. Cullen looked back over at Haruko, as though perhaps sizing her up and her determination. 

“Know that you will be treated the same as the others,” Cullen explained simply. Haruko nodded in response. She then turned to her friend, who had already said she did not have any experience what so ever.

“Maeve I’ll be here, don't worry okay?” she encouraged. “Try to do your best with the bow too.” 

“…I’ll try,” Maeve said looking nervous. Haruko gave a small smile in return. Cullen directed her to the smith to get outfitted with the correct armour and weapon that would fit her as best as they could offer.

“Here you go, Maeve,” Cullen said, handing her a bow. “Over there is where the archers are training. Celia will teach you what she knows, don’t overdo it.”

Maeve nodded and nervously walked down to the woman that was teaching the other archers. It was the start of a new journey that they would not soon forget.


	3. A Step Into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Maeve and Haruko have settled well into their roles. Perhaps things could go their way. Yet Haruko finds herself faced with a darkness that was thought to have been locked away for good. What is more, there is a new monster that presents itself. Her world as she knew it was about to change.

A few months into their extended stay at Haven and Maeve and Haruko have become accustomed to life there. Haruko had started to show signs of hidden talent for learning new things, something that many of the soldiers have praised her on. She’d even taken it upon herself to start learning how to ride a horse or a Hart, getting the basics of mounted combat if she needed to have something like that. However, the one thing that she had found was her passion and desire to learn how to fight. This place was not a place where you could easily walk around and feel safe, not with that hole in the sky and this talk of demon and war going around camp. Part of her was happy that she was at least fulfilling her father’s wishes and continuing how to learn how to defend herself from malicious people. But the other part of her was terrified knowing that her time to fight would soon come if she kept impressing. When that day arrives, Haruko would be forever changed, or at least that is what she thought.

Maeve had started to learn how to ride a horse with Haruko, just in case they needed to ride to the place that would take them back home. It also helped that Haruko knew how to ride beforehand, and gave a few pointers that the others wouldn't have given since their worlds were different. Besides that, she was slowly getting the hang of archery. Her arms were always tired by the end of the day and sometimes she was sore in the morning, but it was nice to have something to do around the camp. It was definitely better than lying around in bed and watching the world pass on by without her. But there were days when she didn't think she could get out of bed, no matter how much Haruko tried to encourage her.

News about how to return home was not successful. If anything many people thought that they were crazy for thinking that they were from some other place that was not in Thedas. Because of this, Maeve had decided to take it upon herself to go into the intelligence field, learning to become an undercover agent so that she would be able to find out information faster, but not really going out onto the field quite yet. At least it was something to do, reading notes, reports, other paper work that she could do from her bed should those days happen. It also gave her a specific job to do while Haruko was the one learning out to fight in the field as a soldier. Both of them now had jobs within this place, The Inquisition.

The Herald had been very kind to them. Not only was he one that allowed them to work regardless of their background or lack thereof, but he would make frequent check ins to make sure that they were succeeding. Often times he would go for a drink with them and discuss things about their world as well as learning new things about Haven, the people in it, and even Thedas itself. He was very curious as to what their world was like but that was also an exchanging process.

Haruko and Maeve learned of the different Elven peoples, the Qunari, and other races and groups of people throughout Thedas. The Elves had been people that were often targeted just because they were elves. Haruko had the thought of pity in her mind when she saw them. Maeve had expressed similar thoughts to her when they the subject came up. Hell, they treated Solas with a little more compassion but it didn't help that his arrogant attitude at times put them off. He had a no real attachment to the other elves and even was regarded as strange, but most mages were regarded as such.

They learned of the Mages and Templars and how they were fighting one another for freedom and order while in itself it was causing pain and chaos. This had been a very old problem. It was a combination of horrible transactions between the two. The Templars had taken their duty and made excuses for abuses and crimes that should have never happened upon the Mages. The Mages had the potential danger of being possessed by demons, strange creatures from the spirit realm called “The Fade” and thus becoming things called “abominations.” These abominations had the ability to wreak havoc if left undefeated, and there was no easy way of separating a demon from a mage without a hefty price. Thus the easiest way to destroy an abomination was to kill it, to kill the demon and the mage together in one blow. 

There was also a way to prevent a mage from ever becoming an abomination. That process was called “Being made Tranquil.” Through this process, the mage in question is stripped of his ability to dream but at the highest cost. There was no more emotion. There was no feeling. There was no color. There was no true life. To Haruko this was not living but merely existing. What was life without feeling? Without emotion? Without anything that made life worth living? It was merely making a human into a literal robot, not that any of the people here would readily know what that was. 

Haruko had come to understand that fear, but that did not excuse the abuses that had been allowed to happen. Both had reason to fear each other, but they did not have to let that fear rule them. If they could learn to work together instead of treating the other as monsters, then perhaps there could be coexistence. A wolf could easily walk among its prey any not attack it, just as a deer could allow such a predatory in its midst without running in fear of it. But neither Maeve nor Haruko had the answer for either parties. They both felt that they should try and speak things out, work out their differences in words instead of killing each other on the field. But the information they were receiving was only second hand. The truth was buried beneath so many layers it would most likely take years to uncover everything.

They learned of the giant Breach, and the fact that Hal was tasked with closing it. He had somehow gained the ability to close these thing that were called “Rifts”; giant green floating crystal portals that allowed demons and spirits to walk from the Fade directly to this world. That was never good, since demons had tremendous power and cared for nothing but destruction. Solas had tried to explain that demons were simply spirits that had gone mad, but Haruko had a harder time believe that. Maeve’s and Haruko’s world held specific lines as to what was a spirit and what was a demon, but that also depended on the culture and the religion of said spirit or demon. Haruko had surmised that there were, in fact, distinct differences between spirits and demons and that more demons could be created if a spirit was twisted into one by another demon. But that required a series of tragic events to start such a negative cycle and to open a portal. Sadly, that did not hold too much truth here, or not to their knowledge anyway.

Hal was not sure when he gained this power or even how. All he knew was that the power was contained in the palm of his hand, no pun intended. However, things were becoming more difficult since they had no Chantry support. The Chantry, at least from what Haruko and Maeve could understand it to be, was very similar to that of the Catholic Church. Hell even the Divine seemed to have the similar powers and responsibilities as the Pope. But the religion, that needed closer study. The religion that the Chantry tried to promote was Andrastian. This seemed to be very similar to Christianity, which the Catholic Church fell under in category. The only thing that made Catholicism specific was most likely their militaristic tendencies. Their sermons, the so called Chant of Light seemed more like hymns and such that Haruko could remember doing as a child being brought up in the Catholic community. Even so, it was still different since their Divine and most priests had to be female. Males could help out if they decided to dedicate their lives to the Maker and Andraste, but they could not serve in the same capacity as a Mother would. Which made this Chancellor Roddrick a pain in the ass since _he_ was the one causing most of the problems and yet he was not a Mother.

Chancellor Roddrick had made them a heretic and anyone supporting the Herald in his quest. He had openly stated that the Chantry would not help, and in fact he would see to it that they were considered heretics. Both Maeve and Haruko thought this was nothing but a pissing match because such a _devout_ individual was no longer in charge. Haruko had made the joke that he was nothing but an overzealous priest from the medieval period who wanted to use religion as an excuse to do whatever the hell he wanted. 

Besides all of that, they had found a magic elixir that would work for Maeve. It helped calm her nerves down and allowed her to function within normal society without the fear of a mental break down. It was thanks to that elixir that she was able to start working in the intelligence field, and Haruko was happy for her. Not only were they not living in the healer’s cabin and they were able to go out and be separated from one another to fulfill their duties in Haven. To add to that, they got their own cabin to live together in until they were able to leave Thedas altogether. 

“Rough day training?” Maeve asked Haruko when she walked into their cabin. Her friend had walked in with a bit of a limp and her head hung in pain. Haruko glanced over at Maeve with a pitiful look before tossing her sword and shield down on the floor and then dropping herself in a chair. Maeve winced and walked over to exam the nasty bruise that was appearing over her friend’s right eye. 

“That eye doesn't look too good…did you get a face full of shield?” Maeve asked.

“Yeah…I did…still can’t seem to block a simple shield bash from the side yet,” Haruko muttered. The irritation was evident from the frustrated tone in her mutter.

“You’ll get it, you usually do,” Maeve said, handing her a cold wet cloth to cover up the bruise. “Man they don’t go easy on you, do they?”

“Not when the Commander says that they want to train for a real fight…so no…” Haruko muttered. The cloth felt good on her face, easing the inflammation that was starting to set in. Haruko placed a hand on it to hold the cloth so that Maeve could continue to do whatever it was she was doing. Tomorrow it would be all sorts of gross colors, but she would remember how to block perhaps. That was how she learned, getting hit over and over again until it sunk in that she needed to block. Well that is how anyone with a brain would normally learn. No, Haruko had to practice the motion over and over again and perhaps mess up over and over again before figuring out what way worked the best in this situation. And because of her dedication to learn her body was starting to slowly adjust and to mold itself into the body of a swordsman. She might not have the reflexes of someone who has been training since they could hold a sword, but she made sure she would be able to give anyone who challenged her a run for their money.

Maeve returned to organizing their things among the cabin. Well, the few things that they had anyway; the clothes, the armour, some paperwork and books that they were given in order to learn the world around them. There was a flash of movement outside of their window and caught Maeve’s attention. She squinted a little bit and slowly went around some of the furniture to see what was going on but could not make out much.

“I wonder what’s going on outside?” Maeve asked out loud.

“Hmm?” Haruko asked, getting up and walking to the window that Maeve was looking at. Their house was situated close to the Chantry, courtesy of Hal himself, so they could see the crowd of people starting to form. Haruko sighed heavily, now hearing the commotion starting to escalate to an argument. 

“By the looks of it, it might be a riot…great,” Haruko muttered walking quickly and picking up her sword and shield. The shield went on her back and her sword at her hip. There was no way she was going to stand by and watch as the chaotic world around her was wanting to burn much to her objections.

“Stay here Maeve, it might get intense,” Haruko warned. Regardless of the warning, she knew her friend would follow her to something like this.

“I’m going with you,” Maeve replied and grabbed her weapons as they rushed out the door. They ran to the mob starting to form, hearing insults to the Mages and Templars alike. Haruko was the one to push and shove people out of the way in an attempt to get to the center of this near riot.

“Your kind killed the most Holy!” one Templar shouted to a mage.

“No! Your kind let her die!” the mage shot back.

“Why you!”

“ENOUGH!” Cullen’s voice rang out, meeting their ears before his body blocked both the Mage and Templar from fighting. Haruko already had a hand on her hilt even as she got to the center. Maeve tripped up behind her and caught herself on Maeve’s back. Both of them sighed with relief, as the tension in the air seemed to defuse just enough to calm down.

“Knight-Captain,” the Templar said in surprise.

“That is not my title!” Cullen said harshly. “We are Templars no longer! We are a part of the Inquisition!”

Each sentence he would say to one or the other and point as though he were scolding two children.

“And what does that mean exactly?” A sneering voice came from behind them. Haruko got stiff, her fists clenched tightly.

“Easy, Haruko,” Maeve said with a calm hand on her back.

“Hasn't that bastard already done enough damage?” Haruko hissed back quietly. Maeve wished she could soothe her friend more, but she herself did not like this man.

“Back already, Chancellor? Haven’t you done enough?” Cullen asked, obviously not in the mood.

“I’m curious, Commander, as to how your _Inquisition_ and its _Herald_ will restore order as you promised,” the man in priest’s clothing sneered. His sentence was not to Cullen but to the masses that were gathered there. His words caused a bit of murmur and a stir of concern and worry. Haruko’s body seemed to tense even more. Maeve almost wanted to place hand on her sword belt to keep her from walking forward and doing something rash.

“Of course you are,” Cullen snarled softly. He then snapped at the rest of the group that was gathered. “Back to your, duties all of you!”

The people started to turn and walk away but Haruko had had enough of this. She was done letting this sham of a priest take hold of everyone’s fear and making them into something that could tear the Inquisition a part. Hell, it seemed like the Inquisition was the only group of people that were trying to save the world and not so focused on killing one another.

“If you think things are so bad here at the Inquisition, why not try and do a little word yourself?” Haruko said angrily. Cullen was the one that looked shocked as well as everyone else. “Seems to me the only one that doesn't have dirt on his clothes is you, Chancellor.”

“And who are you to make such an accusation?” Chancellor Roddrick asked with his same sneer.

“Haruko Ruskin,” she said, getting bolder.

“Haruko, this isn’t a good idea,” Maeve said with a grip on the back of her tunic.

“I have no title, I came here with nothing, just the clothes on my back and I’ve done more work than you probably have in your entire life,” Haruko introduced coolly, now that her anger had set in she was able to harness it and turn it into sharp words. “Seems to me you could at least suggest some sort of action instead of causing more chaos for us.”

“I have already suggested that we wait for a new Divine to be elected and then decide for us,” the Chancellor said. Haruko stepped away from Maeve, who stood back in the crowd.

“Haruko!” she hissed angrily. “Idiot.”

“Life is not going to wait for another Divine,” Haruko said softly in frustration. “Life is going to continue on as it would normal without some random woman sitting in nice clothes and hasn't seen the horrors of this world when it goes to shit.”

“How dare you!”

“Look, you pompous piece of shit!” Haruko snapped, interrupting him. “If you don't like what’s going on, go out and fix it! If you have some magic words stuffed up that asshole of yours to stop this madness, say them! Got some more that would stop the Templars and Mages from slitting each other’s throats, then by all means say them. Otherwise, quite causing trouble for the rest of us! That hole in the sky isn’t going to close itself. The Templars _and_ the Mages are at too busy killing one another to look at the sky. They are too busy throwing blame to the other!”

Her glare was to the two in question that really started this.

“The only group of people determined and hell bent on keeping this world from completely falling apart is the Inquisition,” she finished. “And quite frankly, I’m a little disappointed that I, of all people had to say something.”

Some of the people that had gathered looked a little ashamed by the point that Haruko just made. There was no way they could keep it a secret that Haruko and Maeve were from someplace that was not of Thedas. They came to this place with strange clothes, a strange accent, and under strange conditions. It was like trying to keep what happened to Hal a secret, which it was no secret, not anymore.

“What would you, an outsider, know about something like this?” The Chancellor challenged. “You who know nothing of our history, culture, and customs.”

Maeve wanted this to end. Haruko was too prideful and too determined to let this fight go without her winning, and she would regardless. But this violence had caught her best friend up in a storm that she couldn't get out of, not easily. And all she could do was stand there and watch with apprehension and worry.

“I know enough to see that the Mages and Templars are acting like spoiled brats,” Haruko said shortly in retaliation to the challenge. “You, who come together with the Inquisition, decided to fight over who killed who without even seeing the bigger picture!”

This, again, was directed at those who were fighting in the beginning. Haruko had done her homework in her free time. She wanted to know everything she could about Thedas and in the process had developed her own feelings for this place without realizing it.

“The only proof you have is the fact that both the Mages AND the Templars were at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. As far as I’m concerned, both of you are responsible for not protecting an important person,” she continued. “Well guess what, fighting over who killed who is not going to bring the Divine back to life, nor is killing each other over it.”

“Haruko, that’s enough,” Cullen said, warningly. Haruko turned her wrath upon the commander, unintentionally.

“No!” Haruko snapped at Cullen. “Everyone here seems to not care that we have a job to do as the Inquisition. The Mages’ and the Templars’ original purpose was to do just that. Protect the common man, but what are they doing right now? They are just fighting like children! And now we have this asshole here thinking that we can’t do it because it’s not in the rule book!”

“You should learn to hold your tongue,” the Chancellor snapped. “You aren’t even born of this place; how could you understand?!”

“Maybe you should take your own advice, asshole,” Haruko growled. “Then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Guess who started all of this doubt? Guess who made it more difficult for us to help out people? Guess who is the one standing right here right now, trying to get the people that have banded together to fight with one another? That’s right! Chancellor Asshole!”

The people around them fell silent, looking away from Haruko’s glare. They all looked like her brothers when they did something bad and she was scolding them for it. The Chancellor looked like he was about to explode. 

“As for me not being from here, I guess you are right about one thing,” Haruko said. “What would I know? All I see is a bunch of people whining and complaining about a problem while no one is willing to fix it. They are more intent on placing blame on who broke the damn toy and then fighting over the right to fix the damn toy. You see how dumb and idiotic that is?”

“Haruko!” Cullen snapped in warning. “I think you have said quite enough.”

The last bit in his tone seemed to be pleased with the fact that the Chancellor was getting chewed out by someone that didn't know much about Thedas. In fact, the look on his face was slightly please. However, his body language suggested that she stop talking and now. No one readily defied the commander like this, not in front of everyone, and got away with it without some sort of punishment. Haruko would be no exception.

“Fine,” Haruko said in an aggravated tone. But Chancellor Asshole couldn't keep his mouth shut.

“It is people like you that cause- “

“People like me?” Haruko snapped in anger. Her footsteps were quick and she did not stop, not until she was nearly in the pompous priest’s face. 

“No, Chancellor Asshole, it is people like you that make problems for others. You complain and complain, and complain, saying that things need to be done by the books when the situation that is happening right now has yet to be written,” she was now near the point of shouting. Maeve moved her way through the crowd that was forming, knowing that Haruko was losing her cool now. That was something that she didn’t want to see and that Haruko had personally asked to make sure never happened. 

“And yet you would easily forget the- “The Chancellor started to say but the next few seconds cut him off. Haruko had had enough. This man was not going to get it, and the only other thing that she knew to do was to give him a nice right hook punch to the face. The man needed good solid punch to wake him up. There was a shout, that much Haruko could remember through her blinding rage, but then she felt something weighted on her arm. That was when Haruko’s rage seemed to abate and she looked down to see Maeve clinging to her with all of her wait. Maeve looked at her and said something but Haruko couldn’t hear her. Or rather, she didn’t want to hear her.

“That’s enough!” Cullen said, now physically pushing the two away. “Haruko, I said that was enough. You’ve done enough! Go take a walk! Calm down!”

The order was what snapped Haruko from her fury and the rush of sounds started to slowly come back to her. Her focus had narrowed so far that it was scary to realize how angry she was. Maeve watched her friend as she started to realize what she had done and jerked her arm away from Maeve. Haruko then gave one last final glare to the Chancellor before walking away and stormed off. Those that were very aware of the situation moved out of the way. Maeve looked over at Cullen and then back at Haruko before she took off after her friend.

“Are you okay?” Maeve asked, catching up with her. Haruko’s fury could be felt in waves. Haruko wasn't an angry person by nature, but when something upset her, it really upset her.

“…I’m going to go practice with the dummies…I’ll be back later,” Haruko said softly, not looking at Maeve. Maeve slowed down to a halt, watching her friend go off to the training grounds. Her friend didn't so much as look at her, not once during that conversation. Maeve felt worried for her friend. Haruko was never angry long. Perhaps she needed some room to breathe and calm down before returning back to her normal duties.

Haruko sung her sword at the dummies, grunting as she lifted the heavy sword and swinging down with each hit. There was a strength and wildness to each blow as she hit the dummies. She was not even concentrating on her form, nothing that she learned as she fought her invisible foe. Her mind was full of thought about that fight she just had, the words she said, and then the flashbacks that she had in that moment when she wanted to hit the Chancellor so badly. The blackout she could not think through, the emotions that she had during that one important moment when things went wrong. There was the anger, the uncontrollable rage that consumed her in that one moment when the Chancellor could not keep his mouth shut. Haruko swung down hard with a cry of effort as she thought more.

She had flashbacks of the time when she was still living with her birth mother, when she was still being abused. Everything about the Chancellor, his mannerisms, his speech, his sneer, reminded her of her mother. The way he carried himself, the way he would tell her that she knew nothing only because she was not born of this place. How he would try and start trouble merely because things were not going his way. Everything was like the woman who gave birth to Haruko. And the one thing that she did not want to do was to become that person.

“Hrah!” Haruko shouted then tossed the sword away from her out of the sheer frustration and anger. She threw her hands up in aggravation, and then placed them on her hips as she looked up at the sky for help. She was angry with herself, angry with the fact that she would let herself get so angry, if that could make sense. Tears were threatening, pushing at her eyes with the intent to free themselves. Haruko took a huge breath in an attempt to calm down.

Long before she fell into this world, Haruko made a promise to herself that she would not become the monster that her birth mother was, and she about broke that promise when she was arguing with the Chancellor. She’d lost control, had flown into a rage that she could not control herself at all. Had wanted to make him see her way and to shake him loose of that pompous and self-righteous attitude. To make him see the picture that was right in front of him. Haruko circled one more time before crouching down and picking up her sword slowly.

“I heard your speech in front of the Chantry,” the Seeker Cassandra’s voice said behind her. Haruko would have jumped had she not been so angry at the world. Instead, she looked over her shoulder to see the Seeker standing there. Just the thought of her “performance” seemed to embarrass and shame her. So she looked away and kept her back to the Seeker.

“I believe many of us would have wanted to say the same thing,” Cassandra pointed out. “But some of us would have used different words.”

“Well, I am not ‘some of us’,” Haruko said softly. She walked away from Cassandra, hoping the attempt to get away from her would be enough for the Seeker to leave but it wasn't. Haruko instead made for a rest bench and sat down upon it, the flat of her sword resting up against the inside of her left knee. Cassandra stood in observation. Just stood there. Haruko waited, impatiently, and when she didn't leave, she gave a hard glare to the Seeker.

“What?” Haruko snapped.

“You have so much inner turmoil that you are fighting with,” Cassandra said as a statement. Haruko scoffed at that and looked away.

“No I don't want to talk about it…not right now,” Haruko replied to the question that had yet to be asked. 

“That is understandable. We all have things we do not wish to discuss,” the Seeker said with a tone of understanding. 

“Believe it or not, Cassandra…I have inner demons that I still fight…and maybe I will continue to fight them until the day I die…” Haruko elaborated a little, now playing with the cross with a ring on it that hung around her neck. Cassandra didn't know what to say. Much of what Haruko said was cryptic and whatever was bothering the young swordswoman had a tremendous part in the world that she came from. 

“We all face inner demons,” Cassandra reminded. “But not all of that fight has to be alone.”

“…I know,” Haruko said looking up at the woman. “I think I want to be alone for just a bit longer.”

Hours went by, and Haruko was back to training with the other soldiers again. Exerting herself, getting rid of this energy and rage to the point where she exhausted herself would help calm her down, albeit temporarily. There was nothing else that she could do, other than to hone her skills and rise up in the ranks. Not that she had anything else to do other than train and train. The sun had set by the time she returned back to the cabin. She pushed the door open with an exhausted shoulder to see Maeve walking around. There was a plate of food on the table, a sandwich of sorts since there was no sliced bread here in Thedas.

“I was starting to get worried,” Maeve said, offering the small sandwich. Haruko looked down at it, not feeling hungry. There was a moment or two where silence filled the awkward void before Maeve finally put it down on the table. Haruko had walked slowly to a chair and sat down. Maeve followed her and sat adjacent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maeve asked softly. Haruko set her jaw, trying to fight back the emotion that threatened to spill over and make her cry. It took several moments of just breathing to try and get the words that she wanted to say out.

“I about hit a man for just saying words… ……for a moment I really wanted to hit him, to get him to understand that he was being an idiot…” Haruko said then looked over at Maeve, tears starting to drip from her eyes. “Had you not been there…I…”

“You’re not your biological mother,” Maeve said sternly before coming over and hugging Haruko. Haruko struggled to stop the tears, struggled to calm herself. Maeve cuddled Haruko, tried to say encouraging words even though Haruko didn't seem to hear them. In her mind she had almost failed, and that was just as scary as the fact that they may not return home. There were a few more moments of silent tears before Haruko was the one to push away and try to breath the rest of her emotions away.

“Here, you need to eat,” Maeve said. “You will need your strength.”

Haruko nodded, sniffling and rubbing her eyes free of any stray tears. She ate gingerly. It was hard to eat the sandwich, since she was still slightly upset and still crying a bit. There was not a shred of hungry in her stomach, yet she knew she needed to eat something. If she had no energy for the next day, she’d be nothing but a nuisance on the training field. So she forced the sandwich down her throat with hard swallows.

“Okay, let’s rest and get some sleep. One of the soldiers came and said that Hal wanted to talk with you tomorrow,” Maeve said. Haruko nodded in response. There was nothing else to do when a voiced word might make her lose the control of her tears. So instead she slowly rose from her seat and walked to her bed where her head hit her pillow and consciousness was lost.

~

The next morning, both the women would usually wake up at the same time, but Maeve had started to wake up a little earlier just so that she could start her job a little earlier. She was starting to feel that they needed to go home soon, and that their processes were slower than it needed to be. Not only that, but she had started to discuss the possibilities with Solas, whom she would talk with the early hours before her training regimen. She walked out to see Solas there to greet her. He gave a usual smile in greeting.

“Any news?” Maeve asked, quietly closing the door. Haruko this morning had not so much as moved from her spot. After yesterday, Maeve wanted to give every second of rest to her friend.

“I have not seen anything and none of the spirits that I have talked with have heard of your specific plight,” Solas informed regrettably. Maeve gave a heavy sigh. Every morning it was the same thing, nothing new.

“However, I have been researching more as to how you got here,” Solas said. “Not many people walk through the Fade in reality and live to speak of it.”

“Hurray for us,” Maeve said sarcastically. They didn't need to be another famous person in their world; they needed to get out of this world and into their own.

“Could you describe what happened? How you entered the Fade?” Solas asked.

“Haruko is better at describing that …I hardly remember what happened…it all happened so fast…too fast,” Maeve said with a pained expression. It was hard for her to think of that time, especially when it was so…so…so terrifying. Solas was the one to offer a hand to motion them to walk towards the archery range.

“Maybe we both could discuss this when you both are not busy?” he suggested.

“Good luck with that,” Maeve commented. “Haruko has become so dedicated to her training that it’s almost impossible for us to meet one another unless it’s for a meal. I’m also busy too with learning how to become a spy, Leliana is a slave driver.”

“I see,” Solas muttered. “It is not like you two have much else to do, in terms of trying to return to your homelands.”

“Homeland,” Maeve corrected. “We’re from the same place.”

“My mistake,” Solas said apologetically. 

“I don't think we will be able to speak today, Hal wanted to see Haruko for some reason and she’s probably on her way there now,” Maeve said. _If she isn’t still asleep._

“Maybe some other time?” Maeve suggested, as they stopped at the main gates to the outside.

“That would be best. Another time then,” Solas said before excusing himself to go take care of his other duties, whatever they may be. Maeve then exited the main gate to go practice with the other archers, building up her strength. Most of it was target practice. This was to build up the muscles in her arm as well as learn how to aim properly.

~

Haruko woke up as soon as the sun hit her bed. She knew that was the only alarm she was going to get in this place and made sure that her bed was situated right there next to the window. A groan filled the cabin as she curled away from the sun, getting up groggily and getting ready in the same manner. She walked from her bed and saw a piece of bread on the table next to a note.

“…A note?” Haruko said out loud to herself. It was from Maeve. “Don’t forget to go see Hal at the Chantry…okay I’m going…”

Haruko was still a little depressed from the day before, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. The world wouldn’t stop just because she wasn't feeling one hundred percent. So she would just have to continue to go like the world. Easier said than done.

Some of the people that were present during the argument gave her heavy glares, or at least the ones that didn't agree with her did. Others greeted her warmly as usual, even complimented on her way of handling the Chancellor and laughed about the name she gave him. Haruko smiled, but it was fake. She joked and made other people laugh but that was only to shield them from the fact that she herself was upset. Only Maeve and a few of her other friends back in her world knew her true feelings or when she was upset. She walked to the War Council room, and saw that Hal and the other advisors were there.

“Good timing,” Hal said. “We were just talking about you.”

One of Haruko’s eyebrows rose up in question. Why would they be discussing her? Oh…Yeah…that…

“You seem to draw more attention to yourself than I ever did walking out of the Fade at the Temple of Sacred Ashes,” Hal said with a laugh. “People are talking about how you stood up for the Inquisition and gave the Chancellor what for.”

“Well, I can’t stand people who complain and then don't do anything about it,” Haruko said.

“As do I,” Cassandra agreed with a nod.

“However there is a time and a place for it,” Cullen reminded. His hand was placed upon the hilt of his long sword, resting. His face held a critical gaze but yet it was gentle despite the words and situation. Haruko bowed her head a little, giving a little apology to the Commander.

“I am aware of that,” she said softly in reply. 

“But that is not why we summoned you here,” Hal said. He walked to her side and clapped her on the shoulder. Haruko winced a little and buckled only slightly with the force she was not prepared for.

“Cullen has told me that you showed great improvement over the few months since you arrived and we both thing it would be a good idea for you to get some field experience,” he then said the words that she did not want to hear. Haruko looked uneasy. She glanced at him then to the people in the room. They all looked confident in this decision, or at the least they showed very little objection to this decision. So Haruko’s gaze wandered away from Hal.

“Why then would you have me singled out and go on a special mission?” Haruko asked in an attempt to maybe raise some objection. “Why not have me go out with the other recruits on the field?”

“Because of your particular philosophy,” Cullen said. Haruko gave a pleading look but it fell on blind eyes. “You’ve voiced many times that you trained with your…Sensei? Was it? And that the training you received in your world was only to defend and get away. Not to mention you have also voiced your aversion to killing in general.”

“Several times,” Cassandra added. Haruko did not deny these claims. These were things that she believed in, and would stick by them till the day she died. Now the only worries she had were what would happen after the fact. What would happen when she had to kill someone in order to protect herself and defend those who could not? And what would happen to Maeve while she was away.

“Then what about Maeve?” Haruko asked.

“Maeve has been doing well with the elixir that she has been given,” Leliana informed. “However, she is nowhere near ready to go out as you are.”

“…” Haruko looked away from Leliana, and thought about her situation. Everything she tried to use and an excuse to hold off this expedition was shot down before her. What did she expect though? They were so thorough about all of their choices. Haruko would have to do better in the future if she seriously aimed to get what she wanted. But that did not help the uncertainty of this mission. Her stomach was churning and making her feel sick. Just the thought of having to fight with the steel she had been learning to wield was scaring her. However, she signed up for this, willingly, and she was going to see it through to the end…but at what cost?

“The mission that you will be sent on will be simple,” Cullen explained. “Master Denant’s wife expressed to us that the wolves have gotten out of control.”

“We are thinking that it might be from a demon that is controlling their minds,” Hal explained farther. “Since this will deal with demons and wolves, we thought that it would be the best mission for you to go on as your first.”

Haruko took a deep breath, her hands shaking. She twisted the cloth of her sleeve that was sticking out from her vambrace to try and contain her growing nervousness. This was to be her first mission here…outside of Haven and the training field. What would happen next? Would she turn into a violent monster that was bent on destroying everything she touched? Would she derive enjoyment from killing and violence? 

“Don’t worry,” Hal encouraged. “You’ll be with Cassandra, Solas, Varric, and I.”

Haruko glanced around the room; unaware that she looked like a puppy that was begging not to have to go do something it didn't want to. There was no way out of this, not when everyone that was in charge of the Inquisition had settled that she would go. With a sigh of defeat, Haruko nodded her head slowly.

“I’ll do my best,” she answered softly. She afraid her voice might waver with the fear that she felt inside.

“Good, we will go get a horse prepared, you prepare yourself,” Hal said. He then dismissed the meeting. Haruko walked away as fast as she could, practically ran. She needed to tell Maeve, to let her friend know she was going away for maybe a week or two on travelling and doing missions. There was nothing more she wanted than to let someone know that she was leaving, and to have someone she knew encourage her.

_Dad…_ Haruko thought before seeing Maeve practicing. That was the one person Haruko wished she could speak with the most. Her father was the one person that she could speak to and he would give mostly and unbiased council. In this moment, that is who she wanted to speak with more than anything else. Haruko gave a wavering sigh as she attempted not to merely rush to her friend’s side and interrupt her practice. But, Maeve noticed Haruko. Her friend’s face looked grim and frightful. She could see the way Haruko was twisting at her tunic, shifting and looking around with nervousness and paranoia. Maeve excused herself for the time being and went to her friend.

“What’s up?” Maeve asked. Haruko didn't answer for a long time. It looked as though Haruko was thinking about how to answer.

“I got my first assignment,” Haruko whispered. Maeve looked at her with a mix of worry and happiness.

“That’s good right? What are you doing?” Maeve asked, dreading what it might be.

“I’m going with the Herald to go take care of some wolves and demons in the Hinterlands…but…”

_But that is where most of the fighting is taking place and I don't want to go because I don't want to see death and cause death and turn into a monster._ Was the part that Haruko couldn't verbalize.

“Haruko…” Maeve said softly, unsure of what to do. They came to this world by strange circumstances, and now they had to find their place within this world. This was the hardest part, and now that they had chosen their paths it seemed all that frightening. Maeve knew her friend would be the first to encourage someone, to help push them over the edge of uncertainty and into action, but she was the last person to do it herself. Haruko would only do something if she knew exactly what would happen next.

“I will be here when you get back,” Maeve said carefully. “You do your best to come back and tell me all about the Hinterlands. Who knows, maybe you will find a way to go back to our world.”

Haruko nodded a little. It was good to hear someone was confident in her. Maeve knew exactly how to soothe her nerves, or perhaps Haruko just needed someone she knew to give her words of encouragement. Whatever the case, Haruko visibly seemed to relax, even if it was just an inch. 

“Thanks…I-“ Haruko was about to say something.

“HARUKO!” someone called. They both looked to see who would call her out like that. Hal waved at her, and she waved back with a half-hearted smile. Maeve then gave Haruko a hug and Haruko hugged her back. Maeve then could feel the fear that Haruko felt, the tightness of the hug that Haruko gave was proof of that. Her arms didn’t want to let go, did not want to relax. And with reluctance and hesitation, they separated.

“You’ll be okay,” Maeve reminded after they broke away from their hug. “You’ll come back. You always came back from strange places right?”

“…Yeah…” Haruko said with a half-hearted smile. “I’ll be back…maybe with some souvenirs?”

Maeve laughed and waved at Haruko as she ran up to Hal and the others. The horse she had was a normal chestnut, brown and plain as any other horse she had seen. With an expert step, Haruko put her foot into the stirrup and hoisted herself up and over the saddle. She then sat gently, and gave one last glance over at Maeve, who was waving at her. Haruko gave a wave back and then tapped the chestnut’s sides to get it to walk forward. Hal and the others disappeared rode off into the distance and disappeared from sight.

“You’ll be fine, Haruko,” Maeve said as she slowly took her hand from the air. “…just come back safely.”

With that prayer said, Maeve returned to her work even if she still worried for her friend.


	4. The Monster that Hides Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death, death, and more death. Haruko is thrust into an impossible world that she had only read about. All that surrounds her is nothing but chaos and ruin. Why on Earth is she in this place when all she wanted was to get Maeve and her home safely. This was not something she had asked for.

It was the third day into their journey and Haruko had already seen enough. There were so many bodies that lay in the fields as they traveled from the crossroads and made their way up to Denant’s farm. They lay there, burnt, or just decaying in the sunlight while other refugees fleeing from the violence froze in the cold weather. In the distance there was the sound of fighting, the sound of steel meeting steel and the occasional cry of pain. This was not the thing that Haruko signed up for. The feeling in her stomach didn’t leave; that sense of sickness that came when she saw the dead lying there, or the thought of killing another person. The horses walked to the first checkpoint and that is where everyone dismounted and decided to walk on foot. Haruko could have sworn that there were lead weights tied to her ankles as they continued their journey one step at a time.

“You are holding up rather well, considering this is your first time seeing a battlefield,” Solas commented. He had meant it as a compliment of encouragement but this only fueled Haruko’s frustration.

“Yeah, Solas, it’s such a privilege to see people slaughter one another,” Haruko snapped with heavy sarcasm. Solas slowed down a bit and Varric shook his head. Varric happened to be the dwarf of the group. His weapon, a crossbow named Bianca, was just as quick as his wit. Haruko was fond of his sarcasm and would happily engage in a battle of witty comments but not this moment. This moment Haruko was struggling to find herself in the storm of chaos.

“Don’t take it to heart, Solas,” Hal said as he placed a hand on the elf’s shoulder. “This is her first time seeing such chaos. Her beliefs are clashing with reality.”

“I am well aware of that,” Solas said. He had a guess as to what Haruko was going through but that was just it. It was just a guess.

“I don't think you do, Chuckles,” Varric said. “You haven’t noticed her face every time she sees a battle or dying soldier.”

“Every soldier goes through this but she will have to find her heart by herself,” Cassandra informed. “All we are capable of doing is being present for her when she decides to ask for help.”

They continued to walk further but the sun was falling behind the horizon. They found the last camp before Master Denant’s farm and decided to stay there for the night. Haruko found a spot by herself next to a tree near the camp. The next day would be the day that they go after a pack of wolves that were supposedly being controlled by demons. Easy enough if Haruko’s heart was not weighing so heavily on the other tasks that would be laid out before her. Eventually, this would lead up to her being able to fight real people that were opposed to their views. Haruko took a shaky breath before sighing heavily. Her thoughts were so full of what she might have to do now. Her sword felt heavy, weighted with more than just the steel from which it was made. Would she be able to draw this weapon to defend herself in need be? What happens if she was the one that was the cause of someone’s death? What then? She glanced at her hands, as they set away from her since her arms were resting on her knees, and they shook with the nervousness. 

No, this was not nervousness. This was fear. She feared for her life for what she was about to be called to do. She was afraid to face someone in combat. She was afraid to hurt someone and even more so to kill someone. 

“Dad…I was never meant for this,” Haruko whispered to herself, rubbing her face and trying not to cry. She wanted to go home right now, to run far from this place and never have to see a dead body again. Haruko couldn't even stand funerals for her own grandparents, why on earth would she think she would be able to be that knight in shining armour? She was no knight. She was a coward.

“Hey…are you doing okay?” Hal’s voice broke through her thoughts. Haruko looked to her right and saw Hal standing there with a cup in his hand. Her mouth opened to say something but closed it and then looked away from him. There was nothing to say that would not sound like she was trying to come up with an excuse to not be here. There was nothing she could do to get away from here. She’d already volunteered with the knowledge of the ramifications. So what could she say? 

“The other soldiers said that you haven’t come down from here to eat or get something to drink,” Hal then said. He walked over to her softly and sat down next to her slowly. He watched as Haruko shrank away from him in an attempt to make himself look smaller.

“I’m not hungry…” Haruko muttered. She felt ashamed and angry and frustrated and sad all at once. It was too much for her stomach to handle and if she tried eating she was afraid she would only waste it by vomiting.

“You’ll need your strength for tomorrow,” Hal reminded gently. Silence fell between them for a time before Hal started to speak again.

“I heard from the Commander that you have done well to help out the other soldiers in the camp with their training,” he said calmly.

Haruko said nothing, merely sat there, unmoving.

“When one of them seemed to get bullied by another you would always be there to tell the other off and to comfort the new recruits. Always tenacious and straightforward with yourself and around others…more people should learn to be as strong as you are,” He continued to give her unwanted praise.

“…People like to make things look more than they appear,” Haruko said softly. Hal gave a soft sigh but continued to speak.

“I know, take me for example,” he said with a half-smile. “I walk out of the Fade, have no knowledge of what happened there and now I have this power to close rifts that bring demons into this world. Now they call me the Herald of Andraste, I’m not sure if I really believe that or not.”

Haruko glanced over at Hal. They made eye contact and that is what made Haruko look away. None of this really had anything to do with her did it?

“What people don't realize is that we are all human, with thoughts and feelings like they do, and they cannot see when the heroes are hurting and struggling,” Hal continued gently. “I heard from another soldier that you said to them that the heroes in story books do not realize that they are heroes, that they are struggling to do the right thing in that moment without realizing that someone is reading their story. They have yet to know what has been written.”

“What are you getting at Hal?” Haruko asked. Her patience was wearing thin. Hal was happy to see that Haruko was now looking at him instead of away.

“I’m saying that you have yet to know what is written in your story,” Hal said with a mischievous smile on his face. “You are struggling to become that hero in the story books that people read, whether you want the attention or not.”

Haruko looked surprised to hear her own words coming back at her. Hal’s smile seemed to widen when he saw the slow spread of the shock.

“I cannot help you go through your emotions that you are feeling right now,” he said with a saddened look on his face. “But what I can do is be here when you need it most. I know Maeve would have wanted to help comfort you in these times as well…”

“Maeve would say the same thing,” Haruko said, her voice cracked a little with the emotion. She grabbed the cross and ring she wore around her neck. The leather groaned in protest as she gripped it tightly.

“She give that to you?” Hal asked. Haruko shook her head.

“No…Dad…” Haruko stopped. Tears were threatening to spill over and she could feel the knot in her throat get bigger, painfully so.

“Oh…” Hal said, looking a little unsure as to what to do now that this subject came up. There was a silence that fell between them, even as Haruko tried to choke down her tears that were already spilling forth. She was grateful for it.

“Here, you should at least eat something,” Hal then said.

Haruko looked down and saw a bowl with food in it and then the cup of water too. She smiled sadly and slowly and took up the cup of water and took a drink. The water felt good, even as her throat was still tight with emotion. The food was a different matter. Every time she felt sick she’d stop and just stare out into the distance, trying to get her emotions under control again. It was a difficult time to consume the simplest of foods, and it seemed to take an eternity just to get it down. Hal sat there throughout the time, making sure that Haruko had eaten every bite.

Night soon fell, and Haruko returned to the main camp with Hal. While she went off to her tent, he explained to the others to leave her be and give her some breathing room. She walked to her small cot and lay upon it. Her eyes stared up at the orange reddish color of the tent fabric before her eyelids closed. She slept comfortably, after forcing her mind to stop thinking about everything all at once. That was an arduous task since every time she reprimanded herself to stop thinking, it would only start her brain back up again. As soon as she was able, the blanket of sleep veiled her. However, it didn't last long.

Haruko woke up before the sun came up. There was a faint glow of color behind the mountains and Haruko thought it might be best to watch the sun rise. So she walked to the place she was sitting at before, upon a small hill and watched as the colors of the morning coated the ground around them. She watched as life came to the land that was razed by war and strife. The sun finally peaked over the horizon and its rays gently shone upon her face. It was warm, inviting, and yet it did not cleanse away this worry that she felt. The camp below was beginning to stir to life. The soldiers were running around and organizing the camp to prepare for the day’s duties. Haruko returned her gaze to the landscape once again, the look of hard determination upon her face.  
_Dad…I’m going to fight my first battle today…_ she thought to herself. _I love you so very much…and please…just stay safe…_

Haruko wanted to pray for herself but she felt that she didn't deserve it. Much of her life had been turning away from God, which from a Catholic standpoint is near blasphemy. However, she had turned from the Catholic faith and looked towards Christianity as a whole and was still on her journey of discovery and understanding while she was studying at her university. It did not help that now all of the resources that she had to study were gone. Now all she was left with was her initial feelings and knowledge of faith…she’d have to come to that decision on her own. As for now, she did not feel as though she deserved the attention of the divine when she had personally told the divine powers that be to leave her alone. Thus she relied on her own luck now, and hoped that she would succeed on her own merit rather than divine intervention.

Haruko continued to watch until she saw the rest of her team started to wake up and get ready. Cassandra seemed to be ready no matter where she was. Varric looked just as tired as Haruko felt if not dramatizing it just a little. Solas didn't seem to be phased at all and then Hal was probably just as tired as Varric.

“Okay,” she whispered to herself and gave the sky one last glance. “I can do this.”

With that she rejoined the group with a renewed sense of purpose, even if it was for just that moment. From there, they walked on to master Denant’s farm. It looked like a typical farm with fields of crops. The only thing that seemed out of the ordinary were the soldiers around, building watchtowers at specified locations. Hal had mentioned that it was Master Denant’s request to have watchtowers to protect his farm. If they were going to win over the old horse master and gain more horses for the Inquisition that were in better shape, they needed to help this man out as they could. So they walked further, around the back of the property and that’s when Haruko saw another of the strange animals to Thedas.

They looked like buffalo at a glance, but the horns were pointed down instead of up. They actually looked like they would curl around, as a ram’s horns would do if they had the chance to do so. Haruko found herself breaking from the group in surprise and curiosity as she stood at the edge of the hill to squint at the creature. They also had tusks on their bottom jaw. It was like she was looking at the face of a weird sheep boar combination with a buffalo body. Their hooves were another matter, like that of a cow instead of the usual buffalo. They were wide and not at all used for running. Perhaps they were a lumbering breed.

“What are those things? They look like buffalo,” Haruko finally asked. She turned to see if they were right beside her but now they were quite a ways off. Cassandra seemed to be the only one to wait for her.

“Those are Druffalo,” she explained to Haruko. “They are used for their meat and fur.”

“Oh…like cattle,” Haruko said since she had made the connection that they were more like livestock than any real prey animal.

“Cattle?”

“Yeah, their kinda like the Druffalo, but not as hairy or scary,” Haruko said. “We use the for milk and meat and sometimes their leather, but not often.”

Cassandra seemed a little uninterested in her comment. Then again, this world was just as new and interesting as a new toy was to a child. Haruko had never been here, and everything, even the wildlife was so different. Haruko was trying to learn everything at once, and it sometimes surprised everyone that she was so energetic and curious. And they had a right to be so considering they have never encountered someone from a completely different world.

They walked farther down the path and came to a big hill. Below was a shallow river and to the right as a rift. In the distance it gave off the glow of a menacing green color. It made Haruko freeze in her tracks as she watched it with cautious eyes.

“We won’t deal with this rift right away,” Hal said quietly. He seemed to fear the demons that might come through would hear them. Haruko gave a nod and followed his lead. They walked slowly down the steep hill and kept as left as they possibly could. A small mountain seemed to block their path to the left more. Once they were to the water’s edge, the slowly walked across it and got to the other side. The water itself barely came up to their ankles. Haruko herself made sure her feet didn't touch the water and risked hoping to rocks that stuck out just above the water’s edge.

“What are you doing?” hissed Varric as she skillfully hoped to the middle of the river.

“Not getting my feet wet,” she whispered back. She heard the echoing crackle of the rift in the distance and her heart started to pound in her chest. There were no demons that appeared, not yet. So she quickly crossed the rest of the river without getting her feet wet. Hal and the others seemed to be irritated but at least she would not have to deal with wet feet.

“You’re going to get yourself killed,” Hal scolded softly.

“My feet aren’t wet,” Haruko argued childishly. If there is one thing she hated, it was having her feet wet when she could not dry them. Walking around in wet socks did not bode well and if left not dried soon enough Trench Foot could set in. How long that took, Haruko could only guess so it was best to take precautions when she could. They had no time to rest on that thought and continued with a grumbling disapproval. Haruko shrugged at them and made her way to the back of the pack while they traveled along a very narrow cliff. The river dipped down from a higher hill. It did not make itself into a grand waterfall but the drop from this ledge was significantly higher than Haruko would have liked. The cliff they walked on dipped under the shadow of the small mountains they were climbing through. Haruko watched as everyone ahead of her slowed to a stop and crouched down. Hal made a signal to be quiet. Haruko could feel her body start to wind up with anticipation and her hands shaking with nervousness. 

_I’m only going to get over it when it is over_ she thought. Their position was not the best. Should a wolf walk towards them, they did not have any advantage at all. The narrow pathway was more of a hindrance and the threat of falling into the river so far below them. None of them wanted to fall into the river below, especially since it was so cold. Hal held up a hand, stopping the group. Haruko crouched down lower, sitting on her heels and waited. Ahead of them a wolf appeared looking out. Haruko’s heart sank into her stomach. They would have to fight here on this thin strip of land. In any book, or movie, the hero would have clutched onto the hilt of their sword. But Haruko did no such thing. Instead, she shrank against the rocks, attempting to make herself look smaller or even invisible against the rock face. However, the wolf didn't seem to take notice and walked back to the little alcove. Haruko breathed a small, very small sigh of relief. Any louder and she feared the beast would hear them. 

Hal was the one to signal to walk once more and the group moved as quietly as they could. Before them was a small bit of land with three wolves guarding the area. They looked big and menacing but more so, their eyes seemed to be crazed and their behavior not of their minds. Haruko froze in her tracks even as the others readied themselves for battle.

The wolves snarled and charged at them while Hal and Cassandra returned the same. Their swords were drawn, and shone in the sun as they bore down on the wolves that attacked them. Solas and Varric were giving support fire with magic and arrows. It was then Haruko saw one of the wolves bearing down at her. Her feet stumbled back and her hands fumbled to get her sword and shield up. This was nothing like practice. Haruko had been able to bring her shield out to block the snarling charge, but it was too much force for her to remain standing. Her back met the ground and she grunted against the pain. The wolf snarled loudly and its jaws snapped wildly as it tried to get at her throat. Haruko strained against its weight, felt its claws digging into the dirt as it pushed down the shield that separated woman from beast. The fear of dying was slowly sinking in and the realization that she could die from this encounter also was sinking in. In those few seconds, Haruko made her decision and drew her sword. Her hand poised itself outside of the shield’s frame and she struck out with a stab. She felt her sword sink into the wolf’s body, metal slicing through flesh and bone before the wolf let out a scream and then fell limp. Haruko then took her sword away, the sick sound of flesh against metal echoed in her ears and she strained to push the dead body off of her. Her breath was coming in short gasps, and her mind was whirling with what just happened. The sensation of her first kill, even if it was not human, was something that she couldn’t yet come to grips with. What had she done? She had killed something. But it was out of defense for her own life.

“There will be more in the den,” Hal warning echoed in muffled sounds. Haruko struggled to her feet, walked forward, and tried not to think about what happened. They still had a job to do and she needed to get it done before she could reflect on what happened that day. Till then, she was stuck with the fact that she would be slaying more beasts today.

And Hal was right. There were more inside, three times as many. Haruko couldn't describe what was happening. She could see shapes and hear shouts but it was nothing that she could imagine. There was fur, and snarls, and so many other things that Haruko could not process all at once, not at this speed. Wolves came at them from every direction. Varric and Solas had to retreat to higher ground but were cut off by more wolves. Haruko followed her instinct, took the advantage and cried out to a wolf that was ready to strike at Varric. The wolf turned and gave a loud snarl before leaping off of the ledge it was walking on. Haruko braced herself, since she was watching one opponent and used her shield to knock the wolf away from her. It then tried to recover but only succeeded in rolling upon the ground. Haruko took the advantage and stabbed it in the chest, right behind the shoulder. It gave a yelping cry before falling still. Haruko swallowed hard and pulled her sword free. This sense of death was overwhelming and she stumbled backwards.

The world narrowed, the sounds and movement around her were slowing down. What was she doing here? Why was she even doing this? She couldn't comprehend what was going on around her or believe what she had just done already. This…this…this was no place for her.

“HARUKO!” Varric’s shout brought her back to reality. She turned to see who had shouted and why but it was too late. Something grabbed her leg and yanked her up by her feet. Her head in the ground hard and she was staring at a tall, thin, green demon. It was think, lanky, and disproportionate in every way. Lanky could not even describe how long its limbs were in relation to its. It was as though its arms and legs were stretched out to be twice the length of its body, which looked like that of a malnourished. Its head looked as though its own flesh gave it a hooded look with deep holes that might count for eyes. Everything about this creature brought terror.

The demon hissed in a low and unearthly sound as it lifted a clawed hand into the air. Haruko’s eyes widened in reaction, and she did the one thing that came to her mind; raise your shield and block the blow. The demon’s hand came down and struck down on the shield she used to separate death from life. There was a hiss of displeasure, or what Haruko thought might be one and another strike came down, and then another. Her arm throbbed as the creature proceeded to beat her into the earth below. There were points where she thought her bone might give under the blows. Desperation was starting to sink in and she needed to find a way to free herself from this predicament. Haruko gritted her teeth and dared to look around her to see what she could use. Instead, she saw a deformed foot, greenish in hue. The claws that came down were in a rhythm and Haruko took her chance when there was the small gap between blows to thrust her sword out and strike at the leg. It shrieked in pain, and stepped back from her. Haruko took this chance and scrambled as best she could without showing her back to the demon. The last thing she would do was to let herself be defenseless if the beast was not yet slain. But there was a hit of regret as she watched the demon before her fall. Varric’s arrows riddled its back before it could have a chance to move. Then it burst into flames before her and gave a ghostly wail as she thought a banshee might have. It took a step forward, as though to try and kill Haruko before it perished. The fear set in even more as she tried to scramble away in a panic even as it proceeded to collapse and turn into ash. With Haruko in a panicked state, she could not comprehend the things around her. She merely stared at the spot where the demon collapsed. All that remained was the charred spot where it had burned.

Haruko sat there in shock, not even bothering to turn and respond to Hal as he rushed to her side. Everything still seemed to be silent, stilled even. What had just happened? She was that close to death, just a mistake away from being killed. That thought chilled her to the bone. Her body shook, quivered under the thought that she was that close to death. Tears stung her eyes and all Haruko wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. There was a firm hand on her shoulder and a slight shake that brought her back to the real world in a snap.

“Are you alright?” a worried male voice asked. Haruko blinked and looked at the face that spoke. Hal looked down at her with a worried expression on his face. There was a moment or two where Haruko thought she might break there but her desire to not become a burden was far greater a feeling.

“Y-yeah…I’m fine,” Haruko replied with a soft voice. She stood up with a slight wobble. Hal held out an arm to catch her if she lost her balance. His gaze was watchful even as he saw Haruko struggle to keep herself sane. This woman, who was a green soldier, was struggling to overcome the peril of death. For all the strength he had witnessed in his own past, there was no one that was quite as strong as how Haruko looked. But that was just it. She looked strong enough to push this past when her body language was speaking something different. Her hands still shook, her body trembled with fear, and her recent actions were out of desperation. She was not accustomed to the battlefield, and perhaps this was too soon an adventure for her.

“Are you sure you are alright?” Hal asked.

“I’m fine,” Haruko repeated without looking at him. The Herald of Andraste looked at the others. Cassandra didn’t have any look about her other than her usual hard stare. Varric looked worried the most and Solas seemed to be in between. Given their natures, they would not come to a consensus if they were to argue if she would continue with them.

“We should head back,” Varric was the one to speak up for Haruko. Hal nodded in agreement and they turned to walk out of the den. Hopefully the wolves that were outside of this place were free of the demon’s clutches. Haruko remained in the back, struggling to come to her sense and to comprehend what had just happened. There was the familiar sound of clinking armour, the familiar soft thud of footsteps as they crushed the grass and dirt when they walked, and yet Haruko was comforted by none of these. Her arm stung, ached, protested in ways she didn’t think she’d ever experience. With a look at her hand, she watched as her fingers curled into a fist and then open even as the pain shot through into her shoulder and down to her fingertips.

“If you can’t handle it,” Varric said. “Just say so and I’ll cover your back.”

His words startled Haruko and she jumped perhaps too much. Varric gave her a worried look. It was understandable to be jumpy and twitchy after a brush with death, he was not so certain how it might be for someone who has never picked up a sword before had never killed. Haruko gave a small sigh and slowly dropped her hands to her side.

“Thanks Varric,” she said softly. There were tears that were threatening to spill forward. She swallowed hard and tried to keep them back.

“Just…watch my back…” she might have worded it as a statement but her tone was that of a question.

“Will do,” Varric said with a heavy nod. Haruko remained in the back, in an attempt to keep her emotions tapped down and to give herself some time to recover as they continued to walk down. Her arm was throbbing painfully, regardless of which position she held it in to try and lessen the pain.

_I hope I didn’t break anything._ Haruko thought to herself as she gave a heavy sigh that turned into a small hiss of pain. When the rest of the group had walked a little ways away, Haruko pushed on the rocky cliff side with her shield arm. It didn't give a sharp jolt of pain, merely an ache of protest. At least that was the best sign that she did not necessarily break her bone or fractured it.

“Haruko!” Hal’s shout interrupted her personal checklist. She looked to them and they were all watching her with worried looks. They had a right to be worried when she was the greenest soldier out here. With a small turn she jogged back up to them. 

“We cannot afford to split up here,” Cassandra scolded lightly. Her tone was still harsh, but Haruko could hear the worry and the understanding behind her words. Haruko gave a small nod, but did not try to speak. If she did, she feared she might break there.

“Is your arm injured?” Hal asked. Haruko shook her head, but even so she knew that it was not going to be enough.

“It’s sore…” she murmured quietly. “Nothing broken.”

“It will be for a while,” Solas said. “Demons will not show mercy even to the inexperienced fighters. You took the full force of its blows.”

Haruko’s glare was sharp. She knew! She experienced it! She watched as the elf stepped forward and she stepped back a half step. 

“Here,” he offered gently. He took her arm in hand and there was the distinct glow of magic. It surrounded her forearm and went from her wrist to her elbow. The sting of the pain seemed to wash away, but the ache remained.

“There…at least anything that was damaging should be healed now,” he said. Haruko gave a nod in response. Solas seemed to understand that as her thanks and gave a nod in reply. Everyone here seemed to understand her hesitance and her distancing. That was great, considering the position that they were currently in.

_We are working together as a team, idiot_ Haruko berated herself. The others started to walk away, but Haruko would wait until she was in the back once again. Varric was the only one to wait for Haruko at her side.

“If you cannot do this,” Varric said.

“I would have to do this sooner or later, Varric,” Haruko whispered softly, still holding her shield arm to her chest.

“Forcing yourself is not going to help you,” he argued. It was a valid point, but Haruko knew if she did not go out and do this, she would never do this.

“It’s like riding an ornery horse that throws you off,” Haruko said with a slightly louder tone than the quiet one she had been using. “You must get back into the saddle and show the horse you’re not going to put up with that crap.”  
“I doubt this is a horse of any kind,” Varric said. 

“True…but if I do not continue and press forward, I will just fall down into a deeper trench than what I am currently in,” Haruko then said softly. 

“Fair enough,” Varric said in reply. “But if you need a rest, you should speak up. There’s no need for you to go at this all at once.”

“Thanks, Varric,” Haruko said with a nod. What was more was that the dwarf refused to let Haruko be left behind. He walked at her side, and caught up with the rest of the group that was waiting for them at the mouth of the path that they used to get to the wolves’ den. There was nothing more to say on the subject and they went back to the river that they crossed. However, the demons from this rift were there, waiting for them.

There were several of the hooded tall, green creatures that were there. They disappeared into the ground and attempted to attack. Haruko barely had enough time to run into the river, regardless of her irritation to her feet getting wet or not. The next thing was fumbling enough to get her weapon ready to defend herself. This battle was just as rushed as the last one. There was no predicting what would happen next. Haruko gripped her sword tight and slashed at any demon that came in her range. There were a few that she dodged their underground attacks, merely slicing at their limbs and detouring them from immediately attacking. But that was just it, nothing concrete or definite. The demons would just continue to jump out of the way. That was the frustrating part when she tried to attack or show aggression against the demons that would readily attack her.

“You’re not getting away this time!” Haruko then shouted. She was getting into the moment, moving away from her fear and getting back to her old self. Now she was actively seeking the battle, to defeat her foe, but was her mind on killing or merely defeating? She took a step forward; her foot plunged into the ankle deep river beneath her. It was meant for a charge, to attack the demon that had just jumped between what she could think might be the Fade into this world as a stealth attack. However, she was stopped with a sudden pain to her right leg and abrupt immobility. 

“GAH!” Haruko cried out and stumbled awkwardly to one knee. With a look she saw that her leg was encased in ice. She yanked on her leg, attempted to pull it free but it would not budge. A shriek filled the air and Haruko looked around wildly. The demon she had targeted was gone, and the other members of the party were too far from her to give aid. On the other side was a floating, hooded creature that seemed to be focused on Solas. It shot out ice, like a beam, and froze the ground around it. It looked sickly, what was not covered by a ghastly hood, as though it were an old person. The only worry now was where that other tall green demon disappeared to. Haruko had to free herself and soon. 

There was no way she was going to use her sword to slice at the ice. That would dull the blade and perhaps slice her own leg off in the process. There was no yanking out her leg, she’d tried that already. So how could she possibly get use of her leg? One way or another, she was going to free herself. Haruko sheathed her sword and took her shield into both hands. With a strong strike, she chipped away at the ice that encased her leg. This was becoming more and more desperate as she could feel the cold starting to seep through her clothes. Not only that but with each second it felt as though death might be near. So each strike, each chip of the ice, was both relieving and terrifying. There was a crack. A split in the ice and there was hope that surged forward only to be blasted with a deadly strike. One of the taller demons, the green terrifying ones, had let loose their attack from beneath her. It ripped her free of the ice but at a price. The force of the strike was enough to throw her into the air. Her body was then slammed into the cold stream she was fighting in. The water soaked through her clothes and made her body feel even heavier.

_I have to get up!_ Haruko thought to herself as she struggled to force the images to come together into something she could recognize. She rolled to her hands and knees, hearing things shouting at her. The ground thudded beside her and she saw something that looked like a stick. Her hand touched the hilt of her sword, but it was becoming too much. She could no longer make her mind stay conscious, and let the darkness take her to a world of uncertainty.


	5. Unwavering Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first few battles were finally won. Haruko is left to get used to the other side of the line she had crossed not so long ago. Her gentle nature remained tact as she helped a poor innocent creature from the fate of death. Only, that small amount of happiness would not last for long.

The darkness was a rather pleasant place. There was no pain. There was no sound. There was no violence. It was a small escape from the world that would harshly punish those not careful enough. Unfortunately, this was only a temporary haven. At some point, Haruko needed to wake up, but did she need to wake up with her head pounding? She gave a soft groan against the ever-present throb in her temples and placed both of her hands on her face. The light that was hitting her face was nothing but daggers to her eyes and only added to the pain she was feeling. Of course there were more important things to figure out. 

Where was she? And how did she end up in this place? By all rights she should still be in the river, perhaps mortally wounded or even dead. But being dead was not correct, considering the amount of pain her skull was producing. The only way she was going to figure out where she was, was if she took her hands from her face and looked around. So Haruko slowly took her hands away from her face, made them blinders to the light around her. Before her was an orange colored cloth. A tent? Haruko’s eyes scrunched in confusion as she rolled her head to one side. The room spun a bit and that made Haruko close her eyes once more. Nausea was already starting to set in with the amount of pain she was enduring, and self-control would prevail if Haruko had anything to say about it. With a deep and unsteady breath, she braved another glance at the world. This time she still saw orange cloth. 

_A tent_ Haruko thought to herself. Now there was just the matter of looking to the other side. Again, she took another unsteady breath and slowly rolled her head to look at what might be within the daggers of light. Nothing could prepare her for the impossibly painful headache that she was attempting to ride out. It took the shaky breath she had and her eyes were screwed shut from the pain.

“Just take it easy,” a gentle voice came through the darkness. Just a light rasp in that voice, as well as the gentleness. Haruko swallowed hard and found the tiniest of voices to speak. 

“Where am I?” she said in all but a whisper.

“The camp just outside of Master Denant’s farm,” the voice replied.

“What happened?” was Haruko’s next question. 

“The usual shit. We were playing hero and as you valiantly charged at the enemy you were caught within a devious trap,” the voice replied. “That trap had you immobile for a moment, even as you worked to free yourself, a demon took advantage and knocked you unconscious.”

Haruko would have laughed at the sarcasm and witty description of what had happened to her. But with her pounding head, all she would allow herself to muster was a smile.

“I take it you were the gentlemen in this story and carried me back to safety?” she whispered in response.

“Perhaps if you were a little shorter I might have been able to,” the voice replied with a light chuckle. “But I did watch over to make sure nothing else bad happened to you.”

“Thanks, Varric,” Haruko said softly. She rolled her head back so that she was looking up at what she thought might be the ceiling of the tent.

“Hey, I got your back remember?” the dwarf reminded her. Haruko gave a small glance and could barely make out his face. She gave a small shaky sigh before closing her eyes again.

“Though I have to say, you hit your head pretty hard. We didn't think you’d wake up until tomorrow morning,” Varric continued to explain. He might have been speaking softly but it sounded like he was shouting on the top of his lungs. Even the noise around her was affecting the constant pound in her skull.

“It feels like I got it smashed in by a boulder,” Haruko said softly.

“Considering how hard you flew down to the ground, I’m surprised you still are around to speak,” Varric said. The worry in his voice was all too evident.

“Well…I’m definitely not dead,” she replied to that. When she thought about it more, there were no actual clear memories that she could recall. There were blurs, sudden sounds she could remember or sensations, but nothing clear enough to be called a memory proper. That was probably for the best.

“No, thank the Maker,” Varric said with relief in his tone. “We don’t have many heroes with your kind of attitude.”

“I’m no hero,” Haruko muttered softly. “I got my ass handed to me.”

“And with every great hero comes with a rocky start,” Varric said. “Though I wouldn’t wish upon anyone to become a hero. Many have tragic stories.”

“Well, makes for exciting reading,” she replied softly. She heard Varric chuckle in the background. Part of her cringed while the other part of her made a smile appear on her face. It would probably be some time before she could recover from this headache and enjoy sounds properly. There was another rustle, and a few steps to signal that someone walked into the tent.

“How is she doing Varric?” Hal’s voice came through the void.

“She’s awake,” the dwarf answered in reply. “But I think she’s in extreme pain.”

“If only my head wasn't smashed into the rock bed of a river,” she whispered in light retaliation. There was a chuckle from both men in the tent.

“At least you haven’t lost that tenacity of yours,” he said. She could hear him walk about the tent. His armour clanked and clunked about but stopped as soon as he found a seat. This was only guessed considering Haruko was shielding her face from the light that was peeking through the tent flaps. There was a moment of silence, of pure desired silence.

“You did well out there,” Hal said breaking the silence. “I really mean it.”

Haruko did not want to talk about this. If she started to think about it the images and the feelings start to come crashing back in waves. That emotion wasn't what she needed right now, she needed to heal first…physically at the least. And if not that after she needed to think through what had happened out there…on the battlefield. The silence she gave seemed to be enough of an answer for Hal. 

“I wouldn't,” Varric whispered in warning tone. Whatever the two men were exchanging was none of Haruko’s concern. All she wished to do was rest in peace, and heal physically.

“We will be scouting out the surrounding area and perhaps assist those working on the watchtowers while you recover,” Hal then informed her. “As it is, it does not look like you will be able to travel and defend yourself.

“Oh boy, I wonder what gave me away,” Haruko murmured with defiant sarcasm.

“It might be a few days before we return here to restock and regroup,” Hal continued, undeterred. “It will give you time to rest and recover.”

Haruko would have nodded but she didn't dare risk that. It was enough for Hal to give this information and leave to ready the rest of the group. For not wanting to take on the leadership position, he certainly was stepping up to the plate when needed. Hal stood up and walked out the tent, loudly. Haruko gave a sigh once more. She could hear Varric stand up. She gave a little glance over to him and he gave a worrying look back.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” Haruko said softly. Varric gave a nod before he too left Haruko alone in the silence.

_At least this way, I can sleep without being disturbed too much_ she thought. If only sleep could come easily to those in extreme pain.

~

The first day went by without much involved. Haruko remained in her tent, on her cot, resting her head from the headache that still plagued her. Most of the soldiers left her to sleep, and if there were any that did wake her up, it was for meals or just to check to make sure she was all right. Most of that day was spent in the dark, and under a blanket in an attempt to drown out the ever-present noise. The second day was far less severe, and Haruko even ventured from her tent outside. The air was colder than inside, but since she had been underneath a blanket for near twenty-four hours that would be understandable. 

“You sure you should be up and about?” one soldier asked her. This soldier was named Allisen. She’d been stationed here to make sure that the path to and from Denant’s farm was clear. That included regular patrol routines, a few training sessions here and there, making sure the guard was rotated when needed and the occasional baby-sitting duty.

“I think I’m alright,” Haruko said with a slight nod. “It’s just a headache today…not like yesterday.”

Allisen still looked worried at her and Haruko gave a small tired smile in return.

“I’m not going far,” Haruko said. “I just wanted to get up…laying in a bed all day might look fun, but trust me it’s not all that cracked up to be.”

Allisen gave a small smile in response to the attempt at humor. She nodded then and turned to leave.

“If you need anything, just ask. We’re under orders to- “

“Make sure I don't do anything stupid,” Haruko finished for her before giving a faint wave. “Go. Do your duties. I don’t plan on doing anything stupid.”

Allisen didn't know whether or not to laugh or to be insulted for being interrupted. Haruko didn't need to have a lecture on not to do stupid things. There was enough common sense in her to fill the fields around them. Plus, with her head still giving a slight ache, her senses were still dulled. Not only that, it would be stupid to go out there alone. Haruko didn't have enough experience to go out there and defend herself in a group let alone the thought of trying to do that by herself. But since she was out, she might as well walk around and get some sort of exercise. 

While the others were patrolling around, and doing their other duties around the camp, Haruko walked to the edge of a stream that was next to the camp. It didn’t seem to flow down the hill into the river that they fought the demons in, and certainly not as wide. The pooling water was clear, and touched by those around it. Haruko stared intently with the attempt to see a fish or life of any sort within the waters. She even crouched next to the edge and only saw floating leaves or twigs in the water. 

_So much for that adventure…_ she thought to herself. _What am I four?_

With a slow motion, she stuck her fingertips on the water’s surface and merely played around with the water as though she were a child. She ignored the fact that it was cold and ignored that this was probably a stupid idea. It was only when her fingers numbed that she took her hand back and stood up with her arms crossed. The landscape itself was pretty, and it was a shame that there was war here. Could they not see the inherit beauty of this place? Or perhaps they were so used to living here that they had forgotten what was around them and took for granted what they had.

_They do say that you don’t know what you have until you have lost it_ Haruko thought to herself as her eyes drifted to the sky. If there was something that she lost it was her sense of what was right and wrong. Was not killing wrong? Was wielding a weapon and raising it against another living thing wrong? Was it right to defend your own life at the cost of another’s? Nothing that she fought thus far was actual human or exactly peaceful. Hell she felt bad for the wolves because they would not have readily attacked had they not been possessed by a demon themselves. 

“I need something to do,” Haruko finally muttered. Yes, her head hurt, yes her body, but she needed something to distract her from these thoughts for just a moment longer. So she turned from the landscape she would readily admire and watch and went back to the camp. She walked around and looked for Allisen.

“Hey, Allisen,” Haruko said once she had walked up to the fellow soldier. “Is there anything that I can do?”

“Shouldn't you be resting instead of looking for work?” Allisen reminded as a question rather than an irritating statement. The question was only slightly less annoying.

“Probably,” Haruko said. “But I cannot remain idle while others around me are working.”

“We were given orders to make sure that you rest,” Allisen then informed.

“And you’re telling me that you always follow orders?” Haruko tried to push the issue further by using some light joking sarcasm.

“Sorry, messere, but yes, I do. Especially when it is my job,” Allisen then said. Haruko gave a halfhearted scowl. 

“Don’t take it too personally,” Allisen then continued. “Try tomorrow if the Herald and the rest do not return.”

Haruko gave a sigh in return but nodded with agreement. There was little for her to do here, given the soldiers would not allow her to do anything should she request it. No, she was resigned to rest and relax while everyone else around her was hard at work. That made her more frustrated and anxious than anything else. Her mind would wander, returning to flashbacks of her first battle to reprimanding herself to not think of those things. There was little to distract herself with. So she walked around the farm for the time being and rested against the fencing where the Druffalo were grazing.

“It must be nice, having things so simple,” she muttered to them. They grazed and grunted as she remembered the cattle back in her hometown usually did. They paid her no mind, didn’t seem to care that she was there. Haruko rested her head on the top fence beam lazily. The slight pound in her head was slowly disappearing, but the unrest and uneasiness that she felt remained. 

“If only my life could have remained as simple…well…as simple as a college student’s life of uncertainty could be,” Haruko then said. One of the Druffalo lifted its head and looked at her for just a second. Haruko then cocked her head to the side in a questioning look as she had done with so many other animals and humans before. They regarded each other as most would when looking at another person or animal but the Druffalo went back to grazing the grass in the field. Haruko let out a sigh and stepped back from the fence.

“Might as well speak to a brick wall,” she muttered before walking away from the Druffalos and then going over to the stables. Horses were something that Haruko was familiar with. She’d ridden horses when she was younger, and always felt a sense of nostalgia and comfort whenever she smelled the fresh scent of leather or horses. All of the horses here had pretty much the same color. They were a dark bay color with sometimes a blazing white stripe down their faces. Others had darker brown colorations and different facial markings or some not at all. As Haruko walked down the small stable area, one horse poked its head out in curiosity. 

“Ah, hello,” Haruko said softly. She held her hand out rather limply for the horse to smell her scent. There was no need to spook a potential friend here in the stables. The horse stretched out its neck to sniff her hand before pulling back its head. It didn't seem to retreat immediately so Haruko braved a chance to pat its nose. It was warm to the touch, soft as well with fine little bristles of hair all over it. A smile touched Haruko’s face as she gave the horse a bit of a gentle scratch.

“Looks like we both are bored out of our minds, huh?” she asked the horse. Though the animal did not respond much, if at all, it was relaxing to have at least one thing that was familiar in this world. Even if the horses themselves were completely different. 

“That one’s name is Fara,” a female voice with a heavy accent said. Haruko nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the new voice and turned to look at the woman. Her head was completely shaved, and her skin a dark tan in tone, but her face was bright and kind. The horse didn't seem to mind the surprise and really didn't seem to pay much attention.

“She’s a bit quiet, but very calm and understanding,” the woman continued. “Musta sensed you was lookin’ fer someone to talk ta.”

“uh hnn,” Haruko said with the accident of mixing her English and Japanese together in her surprise. 

“I’m Seanna, Denant’s daughter,” she introduced herself with an outstretched hand.

“Uh, Haruko,” Haruko replied back taking her outstretched hand with caution.

“No need ta be nervous,” Seanna said kindly. “I’m not gonna bite yer hand off.”

“I…sorry,” Haruko said nervously. What was with her? She was never this nervous around people before…before…before she took a sword and killed a bunch of wolves and demons. Now she was jumpy and twitchy.

“Don’ worry about it,” Seanna said. “Ya look like ya need a break from tha Inquisition.”

“Huh?” Haruko looked very suspicious before remember that she bore the crest of the Inquisition on her shoulder. “Oh…yeah…well…it doesn't help when you have your head smashed into a river bed.”

“Ouch,” Seanna said with a cringe on her face. “I knew this war was rough but…”

“Yeah, me too,” Haruko said with a sigh and returning her gaze to the horse named Fara. The horse stood there patiently and Haruko ran her hand ever so slowly up the small stripe that marked her face. The fur was thick, yet very short, and felt soothing to the touch. The silence drug out and no one spoke a word. There was the occasional whinny or nicker from an adjacent horse, but no words that were spoken.

“You wanna ride her?” Seanna suggested. “I’m sure my father wouldn't mind it.”

Haruko gave a small chuckle.

“It’s not your father I would worry about…I’m still on the sick bed,” she replied. Seanna gave a confused look at the wording and Haruko gave a small sigh.

“I’m not supposed to do anything stupid…riding a horse after having my skull smashed against river rocks isn’t exactly a smart idea.”

“But it beats moping about,” Seanna then said. Haruko opened her mouth to say something but closed it. The woman did have a point, and Haruko secretly loved riding horses. Well, it was a secret as far as anyone in Thedas was concerned. 

“Just around the farm?” Haruko then asked. Seanna got a big, wide grin on her face and nodded.

“I’ll go get the tack,” she said and then walked off. Haruko looked back at Fara and smiled to herself. Maybe there would be something calm and productive today after all. Seanna came back in record time with everything that was needed to mount up.

“Could you let me?” Haruko then asked. Seanna looked a bit surprised.

“You know how ta tack up a horse?” the woman asked and Haruko nodded but stopped for a moment.

“Well, this might be different than what I know, but I can figure it out right?” she then said. Seanna seemed to think about it for a moment but nodded in agreement. She’d be there to help out should there be something Haruko was not familiar with. So they walked out together with tack in tow before Seanna fetched Fara from the stables. Outside, she tied the lead line to the main post and Haruko went to work.

First she took up a simple brush to brush through Fara’s thick winter like coat. This was to get rid of anything that might poke or cause discomfort to Fara when the saddle pad, blanket, and saddle were placed upon her back. Not only that, it was comforting and soothing for the horse and it allowed for a moment of bonding. Haruko was also very thorough with it. She has always wanted to make sure that her horses, any that she personally had taken care of, was clean and calm before riding. The next thing that happened was checking the hooves. They should be free of any rocks or twigs that might have lodged themselves in there on previous adventures or when they were out in a pasture. 

“Boy, you’ve got some big feet,” Haruko murmured softly as she lifted the first front hoof. Nothing. The others were also very clean. Seanna and Denant must be really good horse masters. The last thing was to make sure the saddle pad and blanket were on the horse correctly. These were light, airy almost, and easy to place on Fara’s back. 

“You've done this before, hav’ntcha?” Seanna asked. Haruko smiled as she adjusted the blankets to fit nicely and ever so slightly over the withers.

“When I was younger, I rode horses…but I stopped when I was about…I think sixteen because I moved,” Haruko said. Half of that was true, but she didn't what to have to explain divorces and family issues. 

“That makes things easier,” Seanna commented. She sounded as though she might be impressed with Haruko’s previous knowledge. If only Haruko felt the same. She knew nothing of this place, and knew nothing of its history. There was nothing impressive with the knowledge that she currently had when it applied to nothing around her. But that was not what Haruko was focused on right now. She was focused on Fara, and making sure that she was ready for riding. 

Next came the saddle. Thankfully it looked eerily similar to a Western saddle but unfortunately, it was just as heavy. Haruko had no problem lifting it, not when she had been training for a few months to wield a sword, and with ease was able to hoist it up and over Fara’s back. She did her best to make sure that the saddle didn't just slam down on the horse’s back, but there was only so much she could do when the horse was so tall.

_Maeve would never be able to saddle these horses here…_ Haruko thought to herself with a slight amused smile. The image of her rather short friend trying to saddle one of these horses was an image that made her laugh. She’d need two stepladders just to get to the withers. After that pleasant thought, Haruko looked down for the girth. Usually there was just one, but there were two straps with what she would have thought were the girths. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as to why there would be such a difference. 

“Here, let me,” Seanna said. Haruko stood back and watched as she fastened the buckles with ease. When she was done, Seanna turned around to see that Haruko was watching intently.

“Was it different when ya were a kid?” Seanna asked.

“Hm? Oh, yes…we had one strap here and tied it into a very easy but strong knot…an extra belt was only needed if you were going to go out and do some really rough riding or the horse was difficult and liked to buck,” Haruko explained. 

“Ah well, this here is a rough place ta live,” Seanna said. There was a sadness that fell between them and Haruko gave a knowing nod in response. These times, at least here in Thedas, were as rough as they could possibly get. Haruko then grabbed the bridle, walked to Fara’s front and found that Fara had her head down already. Seanna was not joking when she had said that she was a calm and understanding. So Haruko placed the bridle on gently, made sure that all the buckles were secure, and then walked to the side of the saddle before she put her right foot in the stirrup. She then hoisted herself up into the air and swung her left leg over the saddle’s seat and gently placed herself down on Fara’s back. The horse didn't move, not so much as shift weight as Haruko sat down. 

“Looks like yer legs are a bit long,” Seanna said. The woman came over and adjusted the stirrups so that her feet sat properly in them. Haruko felt better, sitting in the saddle and ready to go for a ride. Her head might have been pounding once more, with the effort she had just exerted, but it was now abating. Now that she was sitting comfortably, Haruko had time to regard the world from the back of a horse once more. It was like she was getting back to a hobby that she never really put away. But one thought did come to her in this state of mind.

“Are you sure your dad is going to be okay with me riding around on his property?” Haruko asked. Seanna nodded.

“Just make sure you don't get into too much trouble,” she then said. Haruko smiled and nudged Fara’s sides with a light tap of her heels. The horse moved and started to walk slowly away from the stables. Haruko ventured into the fields where the horses usually grazed. In this way, Haruko could ride for as long as she wanted, and as long as Fara permitted, and not get into any trouble. It felt nice to walk around, to look out at the landscape as it was being torn asunder by war and violence. Though the world around them was being torn apart, it still held an inherent beauty that few would ever look and regard. 

“Wish I had a camera right now,” Haruko murmured to herself. The mountains and the colors were perfect where they were. The way the sun it the side just right to give it enough shadow and lighting to the trees around them, it wasn't anything that Maeve or Haruko could ever experience in their world. 

“Alright, Fara, let’s explore the rest of the pasture,” Haruko murmured and urged Fara into a smooth canter down some of the slopes. It didn't matter if she had a headache, if there was a knot right where her head had landed in the river just two days prior, she wanted to feel the wind in her hair and to forget about her troubles. Riding like this it felt as though she was in a different world completely. It was near when she picked up a book to read but closer to the same sensation she got when she was creating a picture on a piece of paper. Her cares were gone, her worries were gone, and all she could focus in on was the world she created on that piece of paper…but on a horse, it felt like she was in a movie, in a story and making it her own. But reality was cruel, and Haruko was well aware that she would have to return at some point. But she only returned when the sun was starting to set on her adventures around the pastures. 

Seanna said that she would take care of Fara while Haruko returned back to the camp. She might have some practice, pathetic practice at best with the state the horses were in at Haven, but there was no way someone could walk away from that long of a ride without walking a little funny. It might have taken a few twenty steps but Haruko was able to regain her land legs by the time she returned to camp. 

“I thought you said you were only going for a walk?!” a shout echoed. Haruko ducked her head in reaction before slowly turning and meeting Allisen’s glare and rage.

“Well…I did…a very long walk,” Haruko then tried to cover up.

“You did not tell us where you were going, _and_ you even went out alone! What were you thinking?” Allisen scolded.

“That I needed to clear my head after having it caved in?” Haruko answered it as a question.

“I don't know how things are where you’re from,” Allisen continued. “But we follow orders! If anything we at least let someone know where we are going!”

“Look, I went out for a while, to clear my head, I don't need someone babysitting me,” Haruko then got defensive.

“We have- “

“To hell with what Hal told you to do,” Haruko interrupted. “I may be the greenest soldier here, and I may not be handling my first fights well enough to impress, but damnit, I know how to take care of myself!”

Allisen’s face looked like it might explode with how much anger was making it turn the nicest shade of red. The woman then took a few deep breaths to calm herself down before returning to Haruko.

“Look, I know you’re a grown woman,” Allisen said in the calmest voice she could muster. “You can take care of yourself. You wouldn't be out here otherwise, we just have to follow our own orders and you going off wild like that doesn’t help.”

Haruko gave a heavy sigh and looked back at the stables. Part of her wanted to go back to something familiar, to get away from this argument, but that wouldn't help matters.

“But on the other hand,” Allisen continued. “You do look a fair bit better than when you first walked out of your tent. And I am glad for it.”

Haruko looked to Allisen who gave a little bit of a wink. The woman’s face was still red, but there was a hint of mischievousness in her eyes. Haruko looked surprised at first, but her face spread into a slow smile. With a nod, Haruko then turned away from Allisen and decided to turn in for the night.

It was not on the third but the fourth day that Hal and the rest of them returned. By then Haruko just had a small knot on the back of her head as proof of what happened four days prior. Haruko saw them coming up the main path that they had taken to get to here. All of them looked tired and exhausted, but Hal seemed to hide it once he saw Haruko standing there. 

“Good to see you’re up!” Hal called. Haruko smiled and waved at him. “Ready to go back?”

“I’ve been ready since yesterday. And I bet Maeve’s getting a little worried,” Haruko half shouted back as she jogged to meet them.

“You sure your head doesn't hurt?” Varric asked.

“I’ve got a knot as a trophy but it will go away in a few more days, and probably be tender for a few more,” Haruko replied with a light touch to the back of her head. It still hurt to touch it but it was definitely better than the last few days.

“Alright, let’s get going,” Hal then said. The weariness was in his voice, and Haruko wanted to mention something. However, the man turned and started walking down the path once more before she could open her mouth to say something. Instead, she gave a small sigh as her face was etched with worry.

They walked along the path, and Varric was the one to explain what took them so long to return. The Mages and the Templars in the area were warring with one another and it didn't matter who stood in their way. Most of them would turn on one or the other regardless if they announced that they were on neither side. That was the most troubling news so far. It meant that neither Mage nor Templar would be willing to take a chance to talk and risk slaughtering innocent people in the name of putting down one side or the other. Then again, Haruko had never experienced war like this before, perhaps it was not possible to think in simplistic terms as who is innocent and who is right. It was possible that it was far more complex than that.

They walked further down, getting to a broken bridge before Haruko stopped in her tracks. In the distance, there sounded like a whistling sound…a very distinct whistle that Haruko could only equate to an elk’s call. 

“Do you hear that?” Haruko asked softly, trying to listen for it again. The rest of the group stopped momentarily to listen.

“What’s what?” Hal then asked when he could not hear the same sound. There was a faint whistling sound again and Haruko pointed when she heard it.

“You don’t hear that?” Haruko asked, turning her head slightly. Where was it coming from? It was hard to tell because of the mountains surround them.

“You sure you didn’t hit your head too hard?” Varric then asked. Haruko only scowled at him in response and then heard it again. This time it was quite clear and loud. The others looked around for the source but saw nothing.

“I think it might be a Hart,” Solas suggested. Haruko nodded, listening more intently than ever. Harts were herd animals, just as horses were, and it was quite possible that they followed the habits of deer more so than horses. The better thing about a Hart was how loyal it was to its rider should they be that lucky. Some of the books that Haruko had read in between her time here had information on certain common breeds but even then it was almost as though the Hart imprinted on a rider as a Ferelden Mabari did to an owner. If this Hart was truly in trouble, it could have been separated from its herd. Though why it would be in Ferelden would be another matter entirely. The more likely of the theories would have to be the fact that there might have been a rider in the area, and the two had been separated by war or perhaps something as mundane as nature itself.

There was one more cry and Haruko could not remain still anymore. It sounded as though it might have come from the right. Hal and the others protested but she cared not. She splashed through the small river and ignored the cries of protest.

“Come on…one more…just one more,” Haruko whispered as she looked around the grotto like area. There was one more cry, as if to answer Haruko’s request, and Haruko started up a steeper slope. The rocks on this cliff were loose, and very hard to climb up when most of her footing was slipping and shifting beneath her. But Haruko’s determination outweighed the possibility of hurting herself more. She climbed up and pulled herself up over a little hill. There, she saw a magnificent beast before her. One might have mistaken it for a horse if not for the giant antlers upon its head. The best way that Haruko could have described the look of these antlers would have to be a close resemblance of the ancient Irish Elk that had been long extinct in their world. Haruko was in awe of this creature, near enough to being in shock. 

The creature itself was huge, very similar in build to the Ferelden horses that she had seen around here, but just a hint of thin and elegance that would be closer to a deer. The fur on its body was a deep reddish color, very similar to a blood bay coloration among horses but with some stark differences. On its rump, there were white stripes that flowed around the line of where its muscles might be. Its face, long and slightly thinner than a draft breed of horse, had a different type of fur upon its head that matched the fur that draped around the front of its neck. It was a course and shaggy fur that held a light beige colored hue. If only the creature were standing so that Haruko could get a better look at it. But that was the issue, the creature seemed to be injured or exhausted to the point where it was forced to lie down. It had a halter, no evidence of a traditional bridle on the creature, and the remains of what looked like a saddle at one point. Perhaps this beast was running away from something, attempting to escape with its life as well as the rider…but there was no evidence the rider was near. It snorted once, which snapped Haruko out of her state of shock, and attempted to get up once more. The creature readied itself on its front feet upon cloven hooves that were impressive in size. 

_Those could easily kill me_ Haruko then thought. The creature then tried to get up but could not bear any weight on its back leg. Instantaneously, the creature fell right back down and Haruko could see why. There was a huge gash, deep enough to see to the bone, on its back leg. Haruko visibly winced when she saw it, and even more so when she heard the ground beneath the animal rumble when it fell down. The creature was panting heavily, and looked exhausted. There was a light shine to its coat suggesting how hard this creature was working to get up and get away from here. It was then that Haruko approached the creature slowly. 

Immediately, the creature turned and looked at her. Haruko froze in her tracks. Looking at the deer like animal, the giant antlers on its head were rather intimidating. One swipe of its head and Haruko could easily be knocked to the ground. That would allow the creature to strike out with its hooves and kill Haruko. 

“A Red Hart,” Solas’ voice breathed from behind her. “Very few people have witnessed such a magnificent creature.”

Haruko didn't dare take her eyes off the creature, the Red Hart, as it did not take its gaze off of her. When it seemed the creature wasn't going to move much more, Haruko slowly, ever so slowly, walked towards the creature.

“Are you insane?!” Hal hissed. Haruko turned enough to glance at Hal. Slowly she shook her head and returned her gaze to the creature. The Red Hart watched her carefully. Its ears perked forward, alert and attentive, and its body seemed to tense the closer that Haruko got.

“Easy…easy…” she said calmly, softly. “I’m not gonna hurtcha.”

Haruko made herself smaller by crouching down and slowly moving towards the Red Hart. The animal seemed to get even more nervous as Haruko got within striking range of its antlers. One quick swivel of its head and Haruko would be knocked on the ground flat. Haruko, herself, was becoming nervous since her life might be taken from a mere animal and not in battle. Though that was not so terrible idea if she was attempting to help the animal instead of trying to kill it. Every twitch, a small snort or movement from the beast and Haruko stopped moving completely. The rest of the companions could not even get as close as she was. If they did they might be jeopardizing her life. Haruko whispered words of encouragement, more to help the Red Hart than to calm her own nervousness. Each step was taken with care, ignoring the fact that her knees were screaming at her from being in this crouching position. 

“Easy…easy…” Haruko said softly once she had gotten closer to its back legs. The beast snorted in warning, or at least that is what Haruko thought it was doing, and that caused her to stop in her tracks. There was no movement from either one of them, not for what seemed an eternity. Haruko was the first to start moving, and went close to its wound. Upon closer inspection, the wound looked just as severe. Yes, there was bone exposed, and it made Haruko’s heart drop a bit more. This creature was doomed to die from this wound if she did not interfere. 

“What happened to you?” Haruko breathed in a mere whisper. The creature didn’t seem to respond much. Haruko gave a small glance at the beast’s head. It didn't seem to turn its head from the group, but Haruko was still careful. She was slow in her movements and reached into her small pack on hip. There were some bandaged that she had but not enough for something this huge and serious. She looked down at her bandages and wished that she had some gauze and antiseptics from her world. The last thing she grabbed was her water canteen and a spare cloth to clean the wound of dirt. 

“Easy…” she said softly in warning. Her hand touched its rear leg and it jerked away in protest. Haruko played the waiting game, ever patient with this creature, as there was no sedative to give it to calm it down. 

_I’m going to have to make do with what I have…_ Haruko thought as she slowly started to clean the wound. There was not much in the actual wound itself, thank whoever was watching over this creature. The Red Hart wanted to pull away, but it seemed too tired and exhausted to give any real effort in moving away. Haruko was as gentle as could be, and as patient as she could be when dealing with the jerks and snorts of protests. 

“I’m almost done, easy,” Haruko said softly. It was awful to see such a deep gash. If she had any medical expertise and the right tools, there might have been a chance to sew the gash closed, but as it were there was nothing more than wrapping it up. There was no place for this creature in Haven, as they did not have the resources or the time to take in another stray. Haruko looked at the wound, then at the Red Hart’s face, then looked over to the rest of the group.

“Guys…it’s hurt…bad,” she said with the most pleading look on her face.

“There is no way we can get this thing back to Haven,” Hal then said sternly.

“I’m not just going to leave it here to die,” Haruko nearly snapped. Instead, her tone was imploring, asking for some sort of assistance. Solas was the one to step forward and carefully approached Haruko. The Red Hart tensed a little, but Haruko said some soothing words to help it relax once more. Haruko looked at Solas, who had already crouched beside her.

“This is a serious wound…” he commented. Haruko wanted to roll her eyes at the elf, but now was not the time for making sarcastic remarks at people who point out the obvious. 

“Is there anything more we can do?” she asked him instead. Solas looked at the wound and waved his hands. There was the distinct glow of magic and Haruko watched as Solas concentrated on healing the wound. It was interesting to watch as muscles started to heal and the slight sight of bone disappeared before her eyes. But it seemed like it required all of Solas’ concentration and with it, perhaps his energy. There were a few moments that passed by and then the glow of magic faded.

“That’s all I can do…” Solas said. Haruko could see the strain it took just to do this much. But in this way, at least the bandages that she had would suffice. It would not completely protect the wound, but at least it would cover it enough to allow it to heal. Hopefully there would be a time when the bandage might fall off naturally. Haruko did her best to make it a simple wrap, and gently tied it off. Once she was done, she nodded to Solas and backed up slowly. The animal didn’t really wait for them to finish and got up off the ground as soon as it was able to do so. Haruko stood up straight, and watched the beast from where she stood. It looked back at her, and perhaps regarded her in some strange way before it walked away from them. A sigh of relief went through all of them and Haruko gave a bit of a wave.

“See ya,” she said. “And try to stay out of trouble.”

“I think you hit your head a little too hard,” Hal then said behind her. Haruko turned and looked at Hal with a scowl.

“If there is one thing I want to keep its my love of animals,” she replied with a slight snap.

“Would you help a bear?” Hal countered.

“Yes, I would!” Haruko said instinctively. However, it really depended on the situation for the bear. Those creatures weren’t as friendly as your neighborhood herbivore. They had claws, and teeth, and an aggressive behavior towards humans. So in short, Haruko might be hesitant when an actual bear was in trouble. To her previous answer, Hal gave a sigh and shook his head. He had not yet begun to befriend Haruko and thus was unaware for her affinity for animals. He did not take into account the severity in which she completely disliked taking a life, regardless if it was human. His face was hard to read, as it might have been a mixture of exhaustion, exasperation, and now regret. 

“We’ve wasted enough time with this foolishness,” Cassandra then reminded.

“Yes,” Hal agreed but only lightly. “We should get back to the task at hand.”

Haruko was not going to win this battle and let everyone start to walk back to their original path back to Haven. They went down the steep hill that Haruko rushed up to get to the Red Hart, through a small stream, and then back to the broken bridge. The closer they got to the place called the Crossroads, the louder the sound of fighting got. 

“Another Mage Templar skirmish,” Hal said with a sad tone, but a serious face. They had to go through there, there was no other way around it. Haruko tensed at the thought of having to fight. She wanted to shrink away, to hide and pretend that she was not there in order to avoid fighting. However, Varric stood right beside her and gave her a confident look.

“I’ve got your back,” he reminded. Haruko’s face was a mixture of pain and gratitude. She was happy to have someone who had we back, but she also wished he wouldn't have said anything.

“They’ve been fighting all damn week,” Hal groused to himself. The group must have been tired with all the fighting they had to do when they were scouting about.

“We could try to walk around them, avoid being cornered,” Solas suggested. Hal gave a nod in agreement. From there, they walked as quietly and as inconspicuously as possible. Haruko was tempted to go to a crouch but then they would be crawling through this area. Beside them, Mages and Templars tore each other apart with their fighting. Both were suffering casualties, but it seemed that this skirmish was in favor of the Templars. Haruko watched in horror as one knight ran through a mage with a sword. Her stomach churned with nausea and horror. The horrible cries, the twisted looks on people’s faces, it was almost too much to bear.

“Shit,” Hal swore loudly. Haruko was brought back from her thoughts to see that the Templars had already an ambush set up for the Mages. It seemed that they had sprung the trap, and were caught now between two groups. 

“Hold! We are not here for a fight!” Haruko shouted out of instinct. The Templars didn’t care. They held their swords at the ready and charged at them. 

“I do not think they will hear you!” Solas shouted, casting a fire spell that detoured one of the other Templars. Cassandra and Hal met other Templars head on and did not seem to have second thoughts about cutting them down. Haruko’s sword arm was hesitant, and she found herself back peddling to get away from her opponent. The Templar before her cried out in a terrifying war cry coupled with a charge. The helmet didn't help matters, it made Haruko feel as though they were calloused men and women that were consumed by unnatural hatred of all things just like the stories that she had read and the movies she had seen. The Templar swung down with all his might and Haruko blocked with her shield. Her sword hand fumbled for the hilt and roughly drew forth the steel from its leather sheath.

_This can’t be really real._ Haruko thought merely blocking and redirecting her opponent’s blade. _People have more emotion, more thoughts than this! They’re the same as me!_

Their blades crossed once or twice. The sound of metal hitting metal echoed loudly against the rocks and fallen ruins and reverberated through Haruko’s skull. The Templar was aggressive with his attacks, and quite skilled. Poor Haruko did not stand a snowball’s chance in Hell against this Templar. His sword came down once more and Haruko blocked it best she could. However, the Templar did not want to give up his position and tried to force the sword down. His strength was pitted against hers and with Haruko’s resolve wavering, so too was her strength. 

“Fight me you coward!” the Templar shouted in earnest.

“I do not wish to fight you! Not when it means one of us has to die!” Haruko shouted back as she grunted against the struggle to keep his blade from slashing her down. The Templar did not seem to hear her words. Instead, he swiftly took his sword back and tried for a horizontal slash. Haruko struggled to hold her shield arm up against the might of each swing as well as wield her sword with her other arm. Varric and the others had already defeated their opponents just moments before. 

“We have to help!” Varric said. He was the only one that did not approve of forcing Haruko to fight in battles she did not want to fight in.

“No,” Cassandra said holding out a hand. “She must overcome this by herself.”

“She shouldn't have to do this! She’s not from this world!” Varric argued back.

“But she volunteered of her own free will,” Hal said, his face grim. “She will have to learn to fight and defend herself…”

“And you’re just going to let her get herself killed?!” Varric asked with an incredulous look. 

None of them wanted Haruko to have to do this. They all felt that she didn’t have to go this far. However, they all knew that she was willing to do this, and they all knew that this was a part of that choice. It was her choice to volunteer for the army. It was her choice to take up the sword and learn how to fight. Now this was a result of that choice, and she was going to have to learn to cope with it as so many before her have done. Haruko threw her opponent off of her once more. However, she was starting to show signs of exhaustion.

“Hah…Hah…” she panted. The sword in her hand had begun to feel unnaturally heavy and her shield arm felt numb with all the blows she received. It seemed that the Templar was inexhaustible and stood threateningly before her.

_I can’t just kill this person._ One part of fought with her.

_But if you don’t, he will kill you!_ The other darker part argued back.

_That doesn’t mean I use that as an excuse to kill another! There is always a choice!_

_Not when the person does not see you as a person!_

_We don’t know that!_

Haruko was torn between her morals and the will to live through this. There was no way that she could choose. She wanted to live. She wanted the other person to live. But the Templar was determined to kill her. How could this possibly end in the most ideal way?! Haruko would have to dig deep and win through sheer strength if she truly wanted to come out of this alive without having to kill. This time, Haruko met the Templar’s charge. The Templar raised his sword in the air and slashed down with great strength. Haruko met that sword with her shield halfway through its attack. She then slashed at his stomach as she had practiced. Her opponent jumped back, but the next move surprised everyone. Haruko charge forward, using her shield to force her opponent to back up faster than he planned. The Templar lost his footing and fell backwards. Haruko held her sword at his throat, preventing him from moving anywhere. The two remained still except for their heavy breathing. It was moments, eternities, and then the Templar was the first to speak.

“What are you waiting for?!” he snapped angrily. He was already angry that he had lost, not knowing that Haruko was a novice swordsman, and now the thought of his enemy sparring him seemed to be a fool’s notion. Haruko could never understand the way of the warrior, not truly.

“I’m not going to kill you,” she then said. There was hesitance to pull her sword away from his throat. The threat the battle would begin anew was very real. But with reluctance, Haruko was able to take her sword away from the Templar’s throat and look down at him with mixed emotions. Above all, she wanted to look as though she was confident enough to establish that she had won. 

“Why don’t you take this opportunity to make a new path for yourself?” Haruko asked, turning away from her opponent. The one thing she never did with an animal. The one thing she never did in faked combat. The one thing she should never do and Haruko failed to remember not to do so. In that moment, the Templar got up and grabbed his sword. Her friends shouted at her but Haruko could not react fast enough. She tried to turn around quick enough to block the sword, but the Templar was far quicker. Death looked to be imminent if not for a sudden wall of muscle and fur crashed into the Templar and knocked him away. Disbelief washed over Haruko as she bore witness to the following events.

“Augh, agh…stupid animal!” The Templar shouted. He stumbled to his feet and Haruko took a moment to register what was in front of her. It was the Red Hart that she had saved not too long ago. Had it had a change in heart? Did it come back to rescue her to return the favor? The beast could not speak for itself so all questions would remain as they were. The Red Hart pawed at the ground and shook its head threateningly. The Templar looked hesitant to attack such a beast, but it did not take long for him to regain his courage.

His sword rose in the air for a strike but Haruko would not allow it. This time she met the knight in earnest and true combat. Her patience was gone now. She needed to knock this guy out or completely destroy his ability to lift his sword. It was hard to regain her strength that she had spent while being defensive. But while she drew breath she would not allow anyone to hurt this creature. It was an odd sort of inspiration to have, defending an animal rather than her own life. The Templar was sure to have his friends come to reinforce him, and Haruko had to make a decision. Hal and the others were already exhausted from the long battles. Haruko was no fighter herself and her own reserves were starting to deplete. The longer they fought, the harder it was the fight. Haruko was past the point of being able to feel her limbs swing with the effort to attack; she was running on sheer will power. The Templar and her were now locked in a struggle to push the other away. Haruko had a chance to glance at the field around her and her heart sank. Hal and Cassandra were meeting the enemy headlong. Solas had an advantageous position but Varric was caught on the ground. He had no clear way to get to an appropriate perch and thus was forced to run a short distance before quickly taking aim and firing at his enemies. But that could only do so much when their enemy was armoured and quick.

“Varric!” Haruko shouted then made her decision in one second. Her will to save her friends to protect them and keep them alive outweighed the option to keep everyone alive. With one last push, she shoved the Templar off balance and gave one last attack. Metal went through flesh, severing arm from shoulder. A wail of agony pierce Haruko’s being but she didn't care. Her mind was on protecting her friends now. She turned from the fallen Templar and charged the group that was now rushing Solas and Varric. With on accurate stab, Haruko implemented what she learned in her training and killed another Templar. This time, she could feel the life leave his body and fall limp on the ground. The battle was over, and all that was left before them was death and destruction.

“….” Hal said nothing, but gave Haruko a small clap on the shoulder. “Let’s get back to Haven…”

The rest of the group left Haruko alone. Somewhere inside of her, she felt empty, like her entire world was destroyed because of that one choice. Her body was numb, deathly numb, and she was unable to move. Somewhere behind her, there was a snort that brought her slowly to reality. She turned slowly to see the Red Hart that had saved her life the first time she failed to make a decision. It stood there and waited patiently. 

“…Did…did I do the right thing?” Haruko asked, tears starting to stream down her face. She turned her head away, to hide the fact that she was crying for her enemy. The Red Hart nudged Haruko’s shoulder. Haruko’s shoulders were shaking with the weight of reality. What had she done? What had she done? She took the life of two people! She murdered two people in order to save her friends and herself! Where was the justice in that?! Where was the good in that?

“I’m so sorry….” She sobbed out. “Please…please forgive me…”

Haruko’s anguish was not because there was death, it was because she was the cause of someone’s death. It was also because there were people out there willing to die over the things that they believed in without taking a step back to find the truth. She agonized for this world just as she agonized over her own. In this way, her world and this world were not so different. But now was no time to cry. They were on a battlefield, a warzone, and they needed to get back to Haven. With a few breaths of air, and a mental push to go over this when she returned allowed Haruko to start to walk forward with the rest of her group. They had stopped just on the other side of a few burnt down buildings. 

“It seems you have gained a new ally,” Solas said softly. Haruko looked at him with the most confused look she could have created until he had gestured to look behind her. There stood the Red Hart she’d saved. It stood there patiently and calmly as it had before. 

“How…How long have,” Haruko asked. Did she not notice because of her current state of mind?

“You’ve been lost in your thoughts that you did not notice him follow behind you since your last battle,” Solas explained. Haruko glared at him, not wanting to be reminded of what happened again, not just yet.

“Go back home, buddy,” Haruko said tiredly. She even added a slight “shoo” gesture with her hands but the creature remained. 

“Red Harts are extremely rare creatures, but they are also fiercely loyal,” the elf explained. “It seems your act of kindness towards it is what saved you and the reason for why he still follows.”

“He probably wants to continue to help you,” Hal then spoke up. “We’ll make a place for him at our stables.”

Haruko looked to Hal. She was so unsure of everything now. Was it truly okay to take this creature back when there wasn't exactly room for it to live there? The Red Hart shook its head; the remains of its past halter clinked softly. Haruko would be happy to have her own mount. Animals were something that seemed to help soothe her own nerves when she was feeling stressed or unhappy. 

“Okay…” Haruko finally said with a nod of her head. The Red Hart walked up and lowered its head a little bit for Haruko to scratch its head. Haruko ran her fingers through its course fur and felt a little better about the world.

“It’s going to need a name,” Varric then said. Haruko looked over at Varric for a moment before looking back at the majestic creature. It took Haruko a moment to think before a small smile appeared on her face.

“Yakul,” she whispered.

“Huh?” Varric asked for clarification.

“Its name shall be Yakul…because he looks like one of my favorite characters from a…story…” she explained. Haruko had hesitated because there were no such things as movies in this world and thus trying to explain it would be a waste of time. Varric didn't seem to have any objects for the name and neither did anyone else. After all a name was just a name.


	6. Broken and Mended

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was nothing more that Haruko could do. It didn't help to return back to Haven. It only made her feel worse. Maeve tries to help her friend only to be hurt by a bad lash out from Haruko. Is this the end for their friendship?

The day was nice and bright. Maeve was walking out in the small forested area that surrounded Haven, practicing her tracking skills for scouting, when she saw Hal’s travelling party walking towards them. From where she was standing, it looked as though things went moderately well for the group since they had been out for more than a week or two. Maeve couldn't help but get excited for Haruko’s return. It had been rather lonely not having her friend with her in the cabin and she had also been worried sick. Not being able to text and reply at a moment’s notice did not help with her anxiety. So with a nod, Maeve made we way back to the front gates to give her best friend a decent welcome.

During the week or so that Haruko was away, Maeve had been practicing her skills as a scout, and trying to learn the ways of the bow. Most of this required her to obtain light footing, to walk softly along the ground so that she would not alert the enemy to her presence. Not that she was not practicing this before Haruko had left for her adventure, Maeve just had more time to do such things with the time that she would normally have to speak with Haruko. But Maeve was happy to have that time returned. She had so many things to talk about, so many things to tell Haruko. It must have been by her enthusiasm alone that Maeve was able to get to the gates of Haven before the rest of them. Now that she had a good look, Maeve could see that they had a new traveling companion. A huge elk like thing that followed beside Haruko. 

“Hi Haruko! Welcome back!” Maeve greeted with enthusiasm. She gave a little wave as Haruko looked up at her. The sight of her friend’s look and her hand slowed down before it gradually sunk down from the air as Maeve’s original enthusiasm lessened. Haruko’s face was not smiling, not bright and enthusiastic as Maeve thought it might have been. They had only gone out to kill wolves, and even though Maeve was aware of her love of animals and hate of killing, it wouldn't have effected Haruko as much. Or so that is what Maeve thought. Her face was dark, gloomy, devoid of happiness. There was always a smile on her face, a spark of happiness somewhere to be had. That was just Haruko. But not today, not the woman who stood before her. Haruko’s eyes met the gaze that Maeve had and instantly Haruko looked away. Without even trying to hide the fact that she wanted to hide herself, Haruko moved so that she was guiding the deer like creature to the stables. The creature’s body was big enough to hide her smaller frame.

“Haruko?” Maeve called out a little. She took two steps forward and watched as Haruko walked on without stopping. That, in itself, discouraged Maeve from chasing after her best friend. She turned and watched as Cassandra, Varric, and Solas passed by and walked through the front gates into Haven. It was Hal who stopped and hesitated.

“What happened?” Maeve asked with a tone of uncertainty. She watched as Hal’s face went from honesty to hesitation. The man looked away from her for a moment, as though he were regarding the structural integrity of the front gates, before returning his gaze to the shorter woman.

“I think that is something she will have to tell you,” Hal answered tiredly. That was not the answer that Maeve was expecting. She gave a small sigh in defeat. Perhaps it would be better to speak with Haruko about this, as her friend usually spoke outwardly to deal with inward problems.

“You got the wolves then?” Maeve asked. There was no point in remaining on the subject at hand, not when Hal was clear about not wanting to discuss it.

“Yes, they were being controlled by a demon as we suspected,” he replied with a nod. He motioned with one hand for Maeve to walk with him and so she did. 

“I will tell you that Haruko was impressive out there,” Hal then complimented her best friend. “It might have been her first true fight, but she was able to defend herself well.”

“That’s good!” Maeve said. It did little to sway her own fears of what she just saw in her friend. With a slight turn of her head, Maeve glanced in hopes that she might see Haruko running back to her but there was no such thing. 

“I saw from one of Leliana’s reports that she hurt her head,” Maeve then asked. Hal looked at her face and gave a little bit of a weary smile.

“Oh that,” Hal said with a bit of a laugh. “A terror demon and a despair demon were working in tandem. The despair demon froze her leg in the river we battled in and then a terror demon attacked with a surprised attack from below.”

“Ow,” Maeve winced. That sounded like it hurt, a lot. 

“Haha, that was about five days ago. She should be fine,” Hal said with a laugh. “It took more than that to put her down. She was still making jokes as soon as see opened her eyes.”

“It took more than that?” Maeve questioned. Hal’s laughter and smile faded slowly and his face went to a grim regretful look. That look was enough to put worry back into Maeve. From what Maeve could figure out, something happened to Haruko; something that Hal regretted deeply, and something that he was not willing to share. Their footsteps slowed down to a stop and Maeve turned to look at Hal. His face was already showing signs of weariness. If he was hiding it before it was more prominent now. He took a deep breath and sighed heavily.

“Just be there for your friend, Maeve,” Hal said softly. He walked forward and placed a hand on one of Maeve’s shoulders.

“She just needs some time to find her path again,” he added before walking back towards the Chantry. Maeve watched as Hal walked away. It left her feeling more worried and curious about the adventure that they had out in the Hinterlands. Haruko didn't look the same, didn't even act the same. She gave a small look behind her, to where Haruko would be if she were to be taking care of that big deer thing. Maeve couldn't help but wonder if there was something she could have done, if she wasn't so far behind in her training, if she didn't have this anxiety issue.

“Don’t worry about it too much,” a voice said. “She’ll come back around. She always does.”

Maeve look to see Varric Tethras standing beside her.

“Are you sure? Hal looked like he was really sorry for whatever happened to Haruko,” Maeve asked. Varric tilted his head slightly to the side and looked away with the same look that Hal had. With the training that she was getting, it was easier to read people and their intentions. That’s not to say that Maeve was a complete expert at it, but he was getting better at it. Varric was very worried, and also regretful for what happened, whatever that was.

“I’m sure, she’s just dealing with a lot,” he said.

“So you’re not going to tell me too?” Maeve complained.

“I’m not sure I should be the one to tell you,” he admitted. “It wouldn't be right to gossip about this.”

Maeve gave a heavy sigh in reply to that. No one was going to speak about what happened. The only person that was going to tell her was Haruko herself. But that would have to wait until tonight. For now, Maeve needed to tend to her duties, just as Haruko was going to tend to hers. Maeve had to finish her bow training, write a few reports, and then she was free for the evening. The sun had started sink into the horizon by the time Maeve was actually able to return back to the hut that Haruko and her were sharing. She opened the door and saw that Haruko had fallen asleep with papers strung about on the table. She looked like she was in the middle of writing a pretty lengthy report and fell asleep. Maeve gave a smile, forgetting that her friend had just come back from two weeks of adventuring in the Hinterlands and the warnings that Hal and Varric had within their past looks. The woman walked up to Haruko quietly.

“You’re going to hurt your back if you sleep like that,” Maeve said as she gave Haruko’s shoulder a little shake. Haruko’s eyes snapped open quickly and her hand went to the hilt of a sword that was not on her hip. Maeve jumped back as she was unprepared for such a reaction. She knew that Haruko wasn't that jumpy, she never was when she woke her up but now that she’d just returned. What happened in those two weeks that they were separated?

“Oh…it's just you…Sorry,” Haruko said. Maeve looked at her friend with a worried face as Haruko rubbed her face free of sleep and something else.

“Are you okay, Haruko?” Maeve asked. Haruko had always been straightforward with her feelings. That was unless Haruko wanted to hide something that she was struggling with and had no answers for. This was to keep the people around her, who were unaware of the smallest of signs, from worrying about her. But since Maeve was her closest friend, and was training to read people, there was no hiding. 

Yeah…yeah, I’m fine,” Haruko said softly. Her gave never met Maeve’s. Maeve knew that statement was a lie. She didn't need to have the training to figure that out. Though Haruko’s aim was to not make people worry, her mannerisms and words were causing the opposite effect. Maeve wanted nothing more than to help her friend, and also knew that if Haruko talked it out that she’d feel better.

“You can talk to me about anything,” Maeve said gently.

“I said I’m fine,” Haruko said with a little more insistence. 

“But you’re not fine,” Maeve persisted. It was when her words left her mouth that she saw Haruko turn sharply to face her.

“I said I’M FINE!” Haruko shouted at Maeve in anger and agony. Maeve jumped back in fear. Haruko had never shouted like that, had never looked so pained that she would lash out at someone close to her. In the back of her mind she knew that Haruko didn't mean to yell at her but that didn't make the shock, the hurt less. There was a bit of realization that came to Haruko’s face and she turned away. Her hand that had remained on the table balled into a fist. It shook, with such emotion before it slammed onto the wood. This made Maeve jump and turn her attention back to Haruko. She watched as Haruko got up and walked past Maeve to walk outside. The door opened slowly but then slammed too quickly. Maeve exhaled a shaky breath and looked over at the door. She half expected Haruko to walk right back in, to apologize and explain what was going on, but there was only an eerie silence. Maeve resigned herself to go about her night, to get ready for bed, but also to be ready to wait for her friend to return.

Haruko walked outside, unfazed by the cold that hit her skin, by the fact that she was not wearing enough to be out here when the sun was down. Her mind was elsewhere, her emotions elsewhere. Around her she could hear the roar of violence, the clanking of metal against metal, the war cry of an enemy charge. Around her she could see the burning buildings, the dead bodies that lined her path, the looks of terror of the faces of the dead. She could smell sweat, burning flesh, and blood. Her breath was shaky, her hands were shaky, she was shaky. Her footsteps faltered, her strength waned, and her left shoulder met the sturdiness of a wooden wall. Her hands covered her ears, her eyes were screwed shut, and her body trembled. The sounds of war and agony were echoing over and over in her ears.

“Make it stop,” Haruko breathed in quiet prayer. A hand was on her shoulder, a firm grip. If this was an enemy, Haruko needed to act. And act she did. Without a second to spare for rational thought, Haruko grabbed the hand the held her shoulder and she twisted around so that the enemy was pressed up against the wall she was leaning on not too long ago. In that motion, she was able to manipulate said hand so that it made the attacker immobile and allowed all the control to go to Haruko.

“OW OW!” cried out the perpetrator. “You weren’t kidding when you said you can defend yourself without a blade.”

Haruko blinked. This wasn't someone that was bent on attacking her. Then who was it? It was Cullen, the Commander.

“Oh! Sorry!” Haruko then said. She quickly released him and then was washed over by regret and self-blame. Why couldn't she recognize when there was someone attempting to help her instead of harm her? Cullen was slow in his movements, even as he checked his arm. He rolled his shoulder and gave an exaggerated groan of pain.

“Ow…well…it serves me right for coming up behind you without announcing my presence,” Cullen murmured. Haruko mumbled another apology or two. He looked to her and saw that she was retreating into herself, that she was not even wearing a proper coat out in this cold. 

“You’ve had a long journey, Haruko, shouldn't you be resting?” Cullen asked. Haruko didn't answer at first. Cullen looked at her with a worried look. She had yet to make her own report but he did have an idea what was going on with her. She was a green soldier, or was before she went into the Hinterlands with the Herald. Hal had explained the situation, that she had killed humans, much to his displeasure and regret, for the first time. It seemed that the Herald had intended to allow her to gradually become accustomed to war and violence before making her have to fight against human opponents. Cullen could see why. Haruko looked devoid of the original spark that she had left with. There was no smile of reassurance. There was no humor deflection.

“…I couldn't sleep,” Haruko finally said before Cullen could ask something different. He gave a small sigh of worry. Hal had expressed that Haruko needed to figure things out, that she would work best if she found her path on her own rather than be told what to do. Cullen knew that as well, was very aware that Haruko learned best if she was left to figure it out with a little guidance. However, in this case there was no way to guide her towards the correct path. 

“Well, don’t stay out too late,” Cullen said after the moment of silence was becoming to unbearable. He turned to walk away.

“Wait…” Haruko’s voice sounded weak and scared. Cullen turned and saw Haruko not as a soldier that had been training with them for the last few months, nor the Haruko that stood up for everyone, the Inquisition, and the innocent, but the Haruko that was lost, confused, and scared. This was surprising to see when he was so aware of the guardian that she made herself out to be.

“…How do you deal with it?” Haruko finally asked. Cullen felt that this was a side that she did not often let others see, something she protected dearly to keep from others from worrying or even knowing about her personal demons. As to what she might be referring to, he wasn't sure.

“Deal with what, exactly?” Cullen asked. The face she made was one of pleading. Something about this, this conversation, Haruko didn't want to have it.

“…The battles…the memories…” Haruko whispered with the attempt to not admit out loud her issues. She was very aware that most soldiers that see battle would go through this, that have gone through the exact things she was going through. Part of her felt as though she was being weak, that she should be able to carry this burden on her own. Another part of her asked and pleaded for a reason as to why she had to go through this. There were too many things that were happening at once, too many conflicting emotions and thoughts.

“…I suppose like everyone else does,” Cullen answer softly. “I…try to move on.”

“…” Haruko looked like she was about to break down right there. No longer was she a warrior, standing proud and tall against any who would oppose her. Now she stood, shaking with fright and terrified of making that next step. Cullen was at a loss as to what to do about this situation. No one really had an answer for her question, every soldier went through this, and she was going to have to push through this like each and every one of them did. There was no advice, not when the variables were too many.

“…I still hear it,” Haruko continued to confide. “The sound of the metal clanging in my ears…the agonizing cries…the feeling of life leaving a body…”

Her eyes looked watery, and a few tears started to stream down her face. He watched as she closed her eyes and fought against those emotions, her hands as they covered her ears once more.

_Make it stop_ she had said. Cullen was aware that very moment what she meant. 

“All I was taught…and all that I ever thought about people…has now been shattered…and I don't know what to do…” she finally said, her back turned to him. Cullen stood there and looked helpless as he watched Haruko try to sort out these emotions.

“I know you’ve probably heard this from Cassandra, but this is something every soldier who has seen battle for the first time goes through, there is no easy way to go about it,” he finally said. “But, what you can do is search for what you are fighting for.”

“…” Haruko said nothing. She didn't seem to look at him.

“What are you fighting for?” Cullen asked.

“…For peace…” she gave the generic answer.

“That is what everyone, even farmers, struggle for, but that is not what you fight for,” Cullen said. Haruko turned and looked at him before her gaze went to the ground. What was it that she did fight for? She actually thought it was peace the way she acted towards those who were bullying others, to the Chancellor, and even to Hal when the time called for it. Then she thought it was happiness, but that was almost along the same lines as peace. Then there was the thought of going home, but that was secondary at this point.

“To protect others?”

“You protect others from evil intentions,” Cullen explained. “When the new recruits were getting hazed by the veterans you stood up for them. At the same time, you showed the new recruits how to stand up for themselves. And when you told off the Chancellor, you gave him what for but also told the crowd what they needed to do. You naturally want to protect those that cannot protect themselves. You want to do what is right.”

Haruko thought on it some more. It made sense. She’d helped those that naturally could not help themselves in that moment of time, but then she also wanted to do what was right. Her gaze went up to the starry sky as she continued to think. Maybe that was it. She protected her brothers when they were younger, she protected her friends, and now she was protecting more people. It made even more sense as she thought about it. It fit right into her routine throughout her entire life.

“I’m like some tragic hero from a stupid anime,” Haruko scolded herself. Cullen probably didn't know what she meant and that was okay for now. Those words were not meant for him, they were meant for her. Her eyes came back from the starry sky and shyly looked back at Cullen.

“I cannot stop the images, sound, and sensations of your memories,” Cullen said. He probably felt the need to continue to help. “But I will be here if you ever want to talk them out.

Haruko looked over at him and gave a small tired smile. That meant a lot to her, to have someone to speak to about this. There was still the thought that this man was still her boss, but it was comforting to think that maybe there might be something beyond that title.

“Thanks…Though, I probably won’t take it,” she admitted bashfully. 

“It’s only serious when you admit you’re in trouble,” Cullen said, a small smile appeared on his face. Haruko looked a bit surprised by that statement.

“Maeve informed me of this habit while you were away,” Cullen admitted with a slight amused smile.

“What else has my dear friend been saying about me?” Haruko asked. Cullen could hear the original Haruko coming back. That was a good thing.

“I think that’s between me and Maeve,” Cullen tried to joke lightly. “It would certainly help when you step out of line or refuse to follow orders.”

Haruko’s eyes narrowed, though it was harder to tell with it being so dark outside. There was a silence, and then Haruko seemed to give a weary smile.

“Good to know,” she said. “Guess that means I have to find some dirt on you then.”

“Perhaps it would have been better to not inform me of what you intend to do,” Cullen reminded. Haruko gave a chuckle.

“I’m good at playing the long game,” she said. Cullen had no idea what she meant, but hopefully it wasn't something that he would regret in the future. Come to think about it, Maeve did mention that she liked to joke and would wait for the perfect moment to play a prank or put an unnecessary amount of effort into it. He gave a slight inward sigh at the thought of what just transpired.

“Thanks, Commander,” Haruko then said with a genuine look of gratitude on her face. Cullen gave a nod in response. There was a silence that fell between the two and Cullen watched Haruko for a moment. She might have given her thanks, and she might have sounded better, but it would take time for her to mentally get to that point. It was she who took a shaky breath before giving one last nod.

“Well…good night Commander,” Haruko said politely with a slight bow. Cullen never understood that, not even with the explanation that she had lived in a different country were that was customary. Though, here it was not so different, it was more to establish the status between ranks and nobility. However, Haruko had explained at one point that it was just out of politeness, and that everyone from that country bowed regardless. There were even varying degrees depending on the intended meaning. 

“Try and get some rest,” Cullen then said. Haruko nodded once more and continued on her way back to her hut. The weather was now cold, now that she had calmed down. Her arms were crossed to try and keep her body warm until she was able to return and open the door to the small cabin she stayed in. There, she saw Maeve half asleep at the table. Part of Haruko didn’t want to talk to Maeve, to leave it for the morning and start fresh.

_Not when we are both so tired…_ Haruko thought to herself as she walked to Maeve’s side.

“Hey…Maeve…let’s go to bed,” Haruko said with a gentle nudge of her friend’s shoulder. Maeve stirred a bit, murmured something that Haruko could not understand. 

“Come on…to bed,” Haruko said wearily and then helped Maeve into her bed. She helped lay Maeve down gently and covered her with the thick cotton blanket.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” Haruko whispered softly before she too turned in for the night.

~

Sunlight started to peak through the windows to signal its arrival. Haruko gave a small groan in protest. Sleep did not come to her, not in the form of peaceful. They were full of nightmares, terrors, and fear. So instead, she was rolling around all night long. Surely there were bags under her eyes and lines of stress marking their place on her forehead. Haruko sat up in her bed to see Maeve already up and eating her breakfast. A twist of emotions knotted up in Haruko’s stomach as she slowly got up and got ready for the day. It seemed like ages, eternities before her footsteps lead her to a chair opposite of Maeve. Silence fell between them for a moment before Haruko was the first to speak up.

“…Let me apologize for last night,” she started her hands were shaking a little. Maeve wouldn't know that, not when Haruko was busy wringing them. Haruko really wanted to say what was on her mind but words could never truly express her feelings. Nothing could have excused the yelling, the way she had treated Maeve. Maeve just wanted to help, and Haruko turned her away with a verbal blow. She spoke of the wolves, the demons, the terror behind her emotions. She explained her struggles, her head injury, and her misadventures of disobeying orders without really disobeying them. But it was when she got to her story of the Templars that Haruko’s throat swelled shut and her words silenced. The memories, the emotions, the struggles…everything associated with that time was still fresh and she found herself stuck in this sense of frustration and desire to remain silent.

“Haruko,” Maeve said gently. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“…I owe you an apology and an explanation,” Haruko then replied seriously.

“But you are still struggling with what happened,” Maeve then said. “You are still trying to understand what happened to you. It might be too soon to talk about it. And I shouldn't have pushed you to talk so soon if you’ve not dealt with it yet.”

“And I shouldn't have lashed out at you as I did,” Haruko said. “You were only trying to help me out and what did I do? I shouted at you. I snapped at you when you weren’t even involved.”

“But you were hurt, that’s enough justification,” Maeve stopped Haruko’s rant on purpose. “Your feelings are valid. Everything you’re going through is valid. I should have been the one to give you enough time to think things through. Granted you did not need to snap, that there could have been better ways to tell me that you didn’t want to talk about it.”

Haruko opened her mouth to say something but ended up closing it and giving a weary smile. This was her best friend she was speaking with. Haruko felt undeserving of such friendship, especially when it felt like she was being nothing but a burden. 

“On that note, I am sorry for what happened to you,” Maeve continued. Haruko went to say something but her friend held up a hand.

“I am sorry. What happened to you…if we could get back to our world faster, maybe you wouldn't have had to experience that…” Maeve said. It was her responsibility that she had taken on by herself. There was little that she could do, as far as fighting went with her anxiety still a mess, but looking up things and researching information was something Maeve knew that she was good at.

“Maeve…this was going to happen sooner or later,” Haruko seemed to be resigned to that fact. “With how slow gathering information is here, I knew in my head that I was going to go out there and fight as repayment for them allowing us to live here. But in my heart, I was still a naïve little girl…with the fantasy that maybe this is still a dream…”

Maeve didn't know exactly what to say to that. To her, it still felt as though they were stuck in this fantasy world of magic and elves that should not exist. This all felt as though they were walking through some sort of strange dream in itself. 

“Haruko,” Maeve got her friend’s attention with a soft call of her name. “No matter what, I am here for you. If you need to talk about anything.”

“I know where to find you,” Haruko finished for her friend. There was a weariness in her face that Maeve worried about. She’d heard the nightmares, the tossing and the turning, and it worried her. Haruko was going to struggle through this, perhaps with the rest of her life, but Maeve would be damned if she did not offer some sort of help. 

“Don’t worry about me too much, Maeve,” Haruko then said with a tired smile. “I’ll come back around.”

“You better, or I might have to kick your butt,” Maeve joked. They both chuckled for a moment. If anything was evident from this exchange, it was the fact that they would remain friends throughout this entire endeavor.


	7. Small In Size. Big Surprise

It had been five months exactly since their arrival to Thedas. Maeve marked down the days in her book so that they could keep try of their time spent here. It was more so to catalog their adventures and give something for her to do. Still it was amazing to see that nearly half a year had passed by. In that amount of time, there had been no word about how they could possibly get back to their world. It wasn't as though they did not adjust to the way life was here. Since Haruko’s adventures into the Hinterlands, she had become more diligent in her job. Most days she was out training, making sure that she was getting the motions correct so that she would better protect herself and others. As a result, her own body had started to tone out, even if it was just slight. Her strength was building as well.

Maeve had also noticed a change in herself as well. Her body had begun to slim down and she could feel her own arms starting to tone out from the constant archery training. Even her hair was starting to grow long enough for her bangs to start bothering her eyes. Haruko’s was already growing out so much that the red was turning into a brown. She’d already expressed that she wanted to chop it off so that it wouldn't look so terrible and that she missed her stepmother styling her hair. At least it was easy to find her on the field, with her wavy hair tossing around with her effort. 

“Hey! Haruko!” Maeve shouted when she finally spotted Haruko from the main gate. Today they were going to have lunch together. It was the smallest amount of time that they could spend as friends, talking about their daily lives and the complications that it had. As it was, Haruko had been volunteering for more and more missions and that left Maeve here at Haven, pouring through books upon books to try and find a way back. It made for some lonely times. Haruko backed off from her sparring partner and motioned to him or her to back down. She then waved at Maeve from where she was.

“MAEVE!!!” she roared above everyone. She might speak, and never yell in anger unless seriously provoked, but when she wanted to get your attention and you were a football field away, you’d hear her over the crowd. Maeve grinned widely and happily skipped down the rough set of steps before half jogging down the hill. But she had to be careful, she was carrying their lunches. Most of the soldiers made a path for her. They would step out of the way. Those were nice enough would give a small greeting to Maeve or give her a little heckling. Right now Haruko was speaking with some of the other soldiers, so Maeve was resigned to wait till she was done.

“Oh, there you are Maeve,” Haruko said once she saw Maeve. “You could have said something.”

“Well you were talking. I didn’t want to interrupt you,” she said with a scowl on her face. Haruko gave a small chuckle and excused herself from the others. They walked a ways so they could sit on their usual resting place. A small little bench that was used for those that were tired from their rounds, if Cullen was nice enough to allow them to rest which wasn't most of the time. So it got little use, unless it was for packed lunches together with friends.

“Yes!” Haruko gave an exclamation of excitement. “Cheese.”

“You and your cheese,” Maeve teased.

“Hey, I happen to miss my mac and cheese, thank you,” Haruko said with a defiant look. “If I knew how to make noodles I swear I would have made some by now.”

“And then you would have the entire army hooked on mac and cheese,” Maeve continued to tease her best friend. Hell, this mac and cheese obsession was just as bad back home, but it had gotten worse since it came to Haruko’s mind. Now every time she sees cheese she can’t help but reminisce.

“Who said I was going to share?” Haruko asked with an eyebrow raised. That was a good point. Haruko loved mac and cheese so much that she would not share until she’d had enough mac and cheese to gorge herself. Though she would love to share back in their own world, but that was when they had an abundance of ingredients to make it with.

“My point exactly,” Haruko then said when Maeve didn't answer. “So I am going to enjoy the small things. Like this piece of cheese.”

Maeve rolled her eyes at her friend and took out her own lunch. It was pretty standard. A piece of meat, cheese, and some bread. It was easy to carry from the cooking area.

“So how’s that arm of yours?” Maeve asked. “You’ve barely had time to rest since you came back from that last assignment.”

“It’s still sore,” Haruko said as she sat down. “Damn Mages and damn Templars. Can they not just get along?”

“Couldn't everyone just get along?” Maeve added with a nod. Each of them took a bite of their food.

“Though…you’d be out of a job then,” Maeve added. Haruko sighed and slouched a little bit.

“True, but then again I wouldn't have to knock the sense into people,” she grumbled. “Not that I do. I wait till I’ve given them three warnings.”

“And that’s how you got the injured arm,” Maeve teased.

“The price I pay for doing what I think is right,” Haruko then replied. “I’m alright with it. Makes for cool stories later.”

Maeve gave a little chuckle but she went silent for a moment. That moment allowed Haruko to wolf down her food. But in that time, Maeve thought. Haruko was out there, doing all of these things that actually made a difference to peoples’ lives. What was she doing? She had been confined to Haven most of the time. There were rare occasions when she would go ferret out someone who had forgotten something or to deliver a message to the Crossroads but only to return immediately back to Haven. The books she had read have been read twice over. The reports and letters that she had received regarding their situation had been more questions rather than answers. 

“I wish I could do more…” Maeve then said softly. Haruko stopped eating and slowly turned to her friend. Maeve looked to her friend with a look of desire and determination, but Haruko’s answer was always the same. A shake of the head. Maeve frowned if not pouted at that response every time.

“I keep telling you Maeve, you don't want to be out there,” Haruko said.

“You don't know what I want to do!” Maeve countered in both a joking and serious tone. However, it was Haruko’s harsh glare that made her hesitate. It even made her shrink back a little with the surprise of the intensity. 

“Maeve, I am telling you this as a friend. You do not want to be out there,” Haruko said. That left little room to argue. Maeve had gotten a good idea as to what was going on out there. Most of the glimpses she had seen were minor in comparison to what Haruko was actually seeing. She’d heard the stories, even Haruko’s first encounter with the Templars, but that did not detour her from her own feelings of unimportance.

“But you don't know what it’s like, not being able to do something as important,” Maeve said after a small bit of silence. “You’re out there, risking your life and I am stuck here.”

“Gathering information and trying to get us back to our world,” Haruko said. “Both of our jobs are important, Maeve.”

“But,” Maeve argued back.

“Look Maeve,” Haruko said, the exhaustion coming back in her voice. “If you want to go out there on the field, you're going to see some things that you would be able to unsee. Trust me on this. I know you don't like seeing blood and gore…”

She left the last thought alone. Haruko thought that Maeve might not be able to handle the decision to take a life for the sake of survival or a cause of her own. It was hard enough to keep the nightmares and terrors at bay while also hiding them from her friend. Sadly, this conversation was seriously hurting their relationship considering that it was not the first time this conversation had been spoken.

Maeve was not going to deny the fact that she would probably not be able to handle the gore that Haruko was now seeing. Maeve had heard Haruko in her sleep, the nightmares that plagued her friend were almost warning enough about the terrible things of war. However, that didn't stop the feeling of uselessness when her friend was going out and risking her life for Haven. It did not be rid her of these emotions of uselessness. 

“Don’t worry about it Maeve,” Haruko said, patting her on the shoulder. “You’ll find something.”

Haruko stood up from her bench and gave a soft thanks for the meal. Maeve watched her friend go back to the same routine, the same people, and the same fight. Day in and day out, Maeve would practice her archery and then go help Leliana deliver messages around the camp and then watch her friend as she went out on adventures and missions. Haruko had never stepped into Maeve’s shoes, had never sat and watched her g about her day as Maeve had. One time she had asked Leliana if she could go out on a mission, but Leliana didn't have anything for Maeve to do. Secretly Maeve thought that Leliana didn't think that she was ready.

Maeve gave a heavy sigh and took up the task of cleaning up and returning things to where they were. She took the cloth, the bag she carried everything in, and the rest of her food before walking away from the soldier’s training area. What was she to do? What else was there to do? No one thought that she was capable of doing anything because she had an issue with anxiety. 

“Ah there you are,” Hal said from behind Maeve. “Have you seen Haruko?”

“She’s still in the training yard, I think,” Maeve replied. “probably training until her arm falls off.”

“Aaaah, I heard about that one,” Hal said with a little grimace. “Though I commend her for attempting to make peace first. I thought she would want to come with us to Val Royeaux and speak with the Chantry Sisters. Leliana and Josephine seem to think that it might be a trap for me.”

“Don’t you think she’s doing too much?” Maeve asked. This wasn't out of spite; it was out of concern for her friend. Haruko had embraced her new job, but only because she had the motto of “Don’t stop. Keep going.” 

“She has been taking on every mission that’s been offered, hasn't she?” Hal said with a disappointed sigh. “I trust she’s not had a chance to properly heal yet.”

“I could come with you,” Maeve suggested. This might actually be a chance for her to go out and make a difference instead of sitting on her ass.

“…That’s very kind of you Maeve,” Hal said with some hesitance. “But I don't want you to get hurt if things get chaotic.”

Maeve looked a little frustrated at Hal. Would anyone care to listen to her for once? She was good with a bow, could hit a target dead on, and hasn't missed a training session yet. Why was she not good enough? Even so, she could not openly go out against Hal’s wishes. People might not be admitting it outright, but most people thought that Hal was the leader of this newly formed Inquisition.

“I’ll make sure to find you the perfect mission for both of us to go on,” Hal said with a smile. “Just as I did for Haruko.”

Maeve gave a small nod and then watched Hal walk away to get ready for his trip to Val Royeaux. The city was in Orlais, about a week or two journey from here if they were smart about it and that was just getting to the coast. They had to climb through mountains, then had a pretty straight forward shot from there to the docks that would boat them to the city directly, or they could take a small land path that was maybe a few days out of the way from Val Royeaux. All in all, it was going to be a tiring trip from Haven to the City of the Grand Cathedral. 

Maeve turned to go back to her cabin, gave a small glance back at Hal’s retreating figure then made her mind up about something secretive. If she was ever to get a chance to go out there and test the skills she had been honing for the last five months, then she would be able to follow Hal’s party to Val Royeaux and give them cover if things got dicey. Maeve quickly went to the cabin and packed the things she would need, grabbed her bow and started on her journey. She waited until they had gone out and then took a horse and started out after them. Since Haruko helped clear out the wolves, demons, and set up the watchtowers, Master Denant was able to provide horses for the Inquisition.

It was lonely not being a part of a group and also very difficult. Since this was something that she had never done before, it was scary to be out here by herself without someone else to back her up. The thought of some wild animal hunting her down was not a pleasant thought. Having to make a fire by herself and cook on that fire was not exactly something she was skilled in either. But ever the less, Maeve had to make due if she wanted to prove herself.

_Geez…what the hell am I doing?_ Maeve thought to herself one night as she sat down and bundled up in her cloak for the night. Once this was over she would make herself known, probably get scolded for disobeying orders. However, the thought that she could prove to them that she was more than ready to go out into the field and do her job made this all worthwhile. At least it did in theory. 

The gates of Val Royeaux were impressive, something that Maeve could only dream about or read about in fairytale stories. There were statues of people she’d never heard before. Men and women in various poses, holding various items and carved in marble. The detail was so, so…words could not describe such artistic capabilities. Part of her was so distracted that she had forgotten why she was here. 

_Right! I have to prove to everyone that I can do things_ Maeve reminded herself with a small shake of her head. This was to shake loose the distracting thoughts of getting lost within the feel of such an impressive city. And in good time too. The Herald and his party were stopped just outside the main gates. It looked like some other Inquisition scout was informing them. If only she could hear what was going on. Whatever it was, it had Hal concerned. He shifted his weight to his left leg and her crossed his arms in thought. It seemed as though he was regarding what was going on, trying to figure what would be the best course of action as he usually did. Eventually they walked through the gates but with an air of caution. There was already a group of people beginning to gather in the plaza. They surrounded this platform that looked, oddly enough, like a stage. The people around it were crying out, jeering, and agreeing with the old lady that was ranting atop it. Hal didn't seem like it was worthy of his time, that it was more important to fix the sky instead of fighting amoungst themselves. The Chantry called forth those who served the Templars. Now Maeve could understand Haruko’s slight hesitation.

Their armour alone was made to intimidate as well as to protect. On their chest plate was a crest with a sword in the middle and lines that waved and looked like flames in an odd sense. Their silver on their armour was just as shiny and impressive as the buildings around them. Even now, Maeve would not want to mess with that intimidating looking crowd. Sadly, the Templars didn't seem to care what the Chantry wanted, and even punched the Mother that was speaking out against the Inquisition. The Templar leader couldn't care less about the Chantry, and even the Inquisition. From the sound of it, they just wanted to become a super power to stop the damn Mages. Haruko had something right, why couldn't everyone just get along?

“So much for this being an ambush,” Maeve thought with a small sigh. All that build up, that hope that there might be an actual ambush to prove her skills and it was for nothing. She watched as they walked away with discouraged faces. For each step they took, Maeve stepped back, careful to keep herself out of the line of sight by the others. Being on the small side helped a little, especially when she went into the crowd of people so she could observe the Herald’s party a bit more. It also helped when the people, especially the ladies, were wearing gaudy clothing. The big billowing dresses helped to hide her smaller frame. 

“What in Andraste’s name?!” exclaimed Hal. Maeve had looked away for one second, just one, so that she might walk through the crowd a bit better and now she missed what had happened to Hal. With a sense of urgency, Maeve walked around to a pillar and peered from behind it. There was no battle, no screams of terror, and no clattering of swords against swords. So what made Hal cry out as he did? In front was an arrow that was sticking out of the ground. If Maeve had to guess, that arrow was shot at him and missed…or it might have been on purpose.

“There’s a note attached,” Hal said. Maeve must have missed what the others had.

““People say you’re special you’re special. I want to help, and I can bring everyone. There’s a baddie in Val Royeaux. I hear he wants to hurt you. Have a search for the red things in the market, the docks, and ‘round café, and maybe you’ll meet him first. Bring swords.” Who’s the Friends of Red Jenny?” Hal asked at the end. 

“I’m not exactly certain of who these people are,” Cassandra was the one who commented. “It could be another set up, a trap.”

“Just like this was supposed to be?” Hal asked.

“Had the Templars remained loyal to the Chantry, yes,” Cassandra reminded. “It is only due to the Knight Commander’s strange behavior that we are able to walk around freely.”

“True, but I cannot live my life in constant fear that I will walk into a trap eventually,” Hal argued back. “As long as I go into it knowing that it will be a trap, things will turn out.”

“It would be wiser to avoid such confrontations,” Solas then added.

“But sometimes it is unavoidable, believe me,” Varric then argued. Cassandra gave Varric a sharp glare and he then shrugged his shoulders as though he were innocent. Maeve gave a small smile because watching his exchange was a little funny. But she could not give her location away, not when she had done nothing to show for her breaking the rules.

_That’s it_ Maeve thought to herself. She’d go and find these letters to Red Jenny. There was no second though, Maeve took off in the direction of the closest one. The café, or what looked like a place one would dine. The Fereldans back in Haven were not joking when they said the Orlesians went out of their way to impress, which made it harder to find specific places when everything around here looked pretty much the same. The giveaway were the tables that sat outside. Surely that was where people would eat and thus what Maeve would possibly consider as the café. It also helped that there were people eating there currently.

“Now where would that note be?” Maeve asked herself. There were many things to see. Many clothes to look at, statues, buildings, things that were completely foreign to her. What was it that note said? Look for the red things? Well that was oddly nonspecific. A frown appeared on Maeve’s face as she gave the view in front of her a once over. There were people in dresses, people in suits, and plenty of people in masks. There were many colors, many hues and shades of red to be had all around her. So what would make something sent to this Red Jenny so special? Red was the color that she was looking for, but what kind of red or what kind of thing? Her eyes wandered over the eating area. There was a piece of paper on the ground. Hastily, she hurried for it, accidentally bumping into a patron accidentally.

“Oh excuse me, I seem to have lost my letter to my dearest mother and the wind carried it off over there,” Maeve came up with rather quickly. The patron grumbled but made no complaints. She was lucky that worked. Slowly, she picked up the paper and read its contents.

Thank you Friends for helping good Lady Keris. Saw those that asked about Herald enter third passage. Could not stay to see them exit.

Maeve asked in her head. She flipped the paper around and it made no sense either. It looked like it might have been a report or something but nothing that Maeve could figure out. She flipped it back around and saw the small spot of red on the paper. Immediately her face fell into a scowl.

“How in the hell is anyone supposed to see that?” She muttered angrily. No one on earth could possibly see this unless they were really looking for it. But she supposed that that is how this worked. If there was information to be had, there had to be a discreet way about getting that information from point A to point B. But having it marked by a simple little dot of red paint or ink was absurdly difficult to spot. At least she found the damndable thing. 

_Right next is…the docks_ Maeve thought to herself. It might have been hard to recall the different places, given that she did not have the original note, but Maeve was determined to find these things for Hal. So she walked back to the main courtyard area and weaved through the people that were out shopping so she could get to the docks. The area was a little more simplistic in design. That was surprising given the rest of the city, but she supposed that there was only so much that you could build upon the water. Better to keep it simple enough so that the ships and docks would not sink below its blue surface. The best thing about this place; no people. There was hardly a soul around to interfere, and thus Maeve could speak out loud to herself.

“If I wanted someone to find something that was red…where would I hide it?” she asked herself as she looked around. There was nothing but nets, boats that were tied to the docks, and the stink of fish. But as she made her way down to a corner, there was a slight flash of red. The wind from the waters was blowing a cloth that was weighed down by something. Maeve walked over to it and picked it up. There was a key wrapped in paper inside of this red handkerchief. She was careful to unwrap it and tried to read the note.

“Oh jeez, how can anyone read this?” Maeve mumbled as she squinted her eyes.

Key lifted from drunk swearing about Herald. Don't know what door. I’m out, my debt is paid.

Maeve sighed heavily and folded the already crinkled note. There was little chance that it might have something to do with the previous one. If that was the case, then perhaps there was a gate of sorts or maybe a locked door that needed this key. Maeve could only hope. Now the last note was in the market, but that was a very large area with a lot of people and a Herald to avoid. Maeve turned to look behind her, to look at the city and her enormous task ahead of her. 

_This is not exactly what I thought it was going to be…_ Maeve thought with a light sigh. This was going to take forever, perhaps all day. But there was one thing that she just had to look for, something red. So far nothing seemed to be consistent as far as what kind of red thing Maeve was looking for. Her first was just a piece of paper that had a red splotch on it. The second one was covered in a red handkerchief. The third could be anything. So Maeve walked around the town of Val Royeaux with the reminder that Hal was out and about as well as his company. She had to be aware of that fact at all times. There was nothing more on the ground, nothing around the shops except for gaudy bits and bobbles. There was nothing, nothing.

“Well were else in the market have I not looked at least twice?” Maeve asked out of exasperation. 

“You might want to the second level,” someone in a strangely sounding French accent.

“Excuse me?” Maeve then turned around. There was a woman at a stall, with an oddly simple looking half mask on.

“The second level, there are more shops up there, perhaps whatever you are looking for is up there,” the lady suggested. That was strange for a woman, the vendor no less, to suggest to look somewhere else.

“Thanks,” Maeve said politely. The lady gave a half bow and then went about helping other customers that were looking at her wares. Now Maeve just had to figure out how to get to the upper level. Stairs were in abundance here, but often times they lead to people’s homes. Instead, Maeve watched other patrons come and go and watched how they went from the lower market to the upper market. This is how she was able to figure out where to go. 

_If only there were elevators here…it would make things so much easier_ Maeve thought to herself as she slowly climbed the stairs to the upper level. Up here, there was a better view of the city itself. The sunlight always reflected off of the stone that the houses were made of, and the colors that accented the buildings only seemed to enhance the looks. What Maeve would not give to at least be able to take some sort of photo and take it back to Haruko. Her friend would have loved this place and quite possibly start to nerd out. Maeve gave a small smirk because Haruko would have definitely wanted to know how this place was built. But that was not her focus, not now. 

“Right, something red,” Maeve muttered to herself. Maybe later she would find the time to enjoy the wonders of a new city. No, for now her eyes were scouring the terraces and verandas. The shops up here were inside buildings surrounded with architecture and elaborate gardens. There were few people up here. They gossiped and shopped about as they normally did. None suspected a thing as Maeve walked around and looked around. If anything, they viewed her as another tourist or maybe a pilgrim of their religion. None would suspect she was looking for information in odd places. 

“Hmm?” Maeve looked over to a potted plant that had huge leaves sprouting from its branches. Behind its pot was a red sock sticking out. It couldn't be that easy. She walked over to it and picked it up. There was definitely something stuffed inside of it. Maeve made a sort of disgusted face as she tried to get the contents of the sock out without actually having to stick her hand inside of it. She shook it gently, and, after some time of trying to not stick her hand into a possibly dirty sock that wasn't hers, a piece of paper was produced. Maeve tossed the sock away from her and then inspected the contents of the piece of paper. It was a nice piece of paper, and definitely torn from important document if she was any judge.

…And we are to obey well. We meet at three bells to discuss how best to serve the new way.

Well that is what the official looking letters read out. Maeve squinted a little and saw that there was one more note.

Herald go at time. Praise Andrast.

_You misspelled “Andraste.”_ Maeve couldn't help but think dryly to herself. So what did this all mean? A key for a door or gate, a possible location for such the place, and then the time to which these people are meeting. What was more disturbing was the way it sounded like Hal was being watched around every corner. That wasn’t exactly news when he was the only one to survive the horror of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. The place that was mentioned was not exactly familiar, or even remotely detailed enough to be considered an actual location. 

_Hal probably knows…_ Maeve thought. Now that she had all the information, it was time to go meet up with him. She gave a hopeful glance that she might see him over the railing that she was standing at. It looked like he was browsing through some wares, and a little distracted by the craftsmanship of a sword. Maeve hurried her best down the winding staircases and got back to the lower level. Here, it was far harder to track Hal. Since she did not have height on her side it was hard to see past all of the gaudy clothing and the patrons come to shop. Maeve gave a sigh of frustration and tried to hurry to the shop that Hal was just at. Only, by the time she got there, he was gone.

“Excuse me,” Maeve spoke up to the vendor. “Did you happen to see which way the Herald of Andraste went?”

“The Herald?” The vendor repeated for clarification and confirmation. “I believe he was on his way out to leave.”

“Thank you!” Maeve said quickly before he could hold her up with some smart remark. She hurried as fast as her little legs could carry her and she half ran, half weaved through the people that were in her way. She got to the small alleyway that lead to the exit and saw Hal and the others already halfway to leaving.

“Herald!” Maeve called to Hal, being as respectful as possible. Everyone that was traveling with Hal turned to see who else would be shouting at them. To their surprise, they saw Maeve sprinting towards them.

“Is there news from Haven?” Cassandra asked. Maeve leaned a little on her knees just to catch her breath.

“No… I came because…because I thought Hal might need back up support,” Maeve said. Sure, she was nervous about meeting up with them but there was no reason to lie.

“You left without permission?” Cassandra exclaimed. Her anger was apparent.

“Easy, Cassandra,” Hal said with a slightly raise hand.

“But Herald.”

“She followed what she thought was right in her heart,” Hal defended. “I cannot fault her for doing that when we are out here doing the same. She just wanted to make certain that I was not going fall into a trap just as you came along for the same reason.”

Cassandra gave a small sigh at Hal’s words. She knew that it was true, that she had come along just in case there might have been a trap laid in wait for the Herald and now that Maeve had voiced the same thing, she could not fault her for doing so. However, this woman still broke orders and there would be consequences…later.

“Though,” Hal continued. His head and gaze turned to Maeve. She half shrank away, unsure as to what he was going to say next.

“I thought I said I would find the perfect mission suited for you,” he then said.

“Yes, well,” Maeve started with a shaky tone. “I could not get over this overwhelming sense of uselessness…I had to do something and I couldn't shake the feeling that you might be in some trouble.”

Hal sighed heavily. What was he going to do with her? With Cassandra already on his case about falling into traps and complete disregard for warnings, he didn't need to have another woman on his case.

“But I didn’t come up to you just so I could get into trouble,” Maeve said and offered the papers and the key that she had found. “I overheard you read a note from the Friends of Red Jenny, and I went out and looked for the clues for you. That’s the pieces of paper and the key. I think they are talking about a place here in Val Royeaux.”

Hal took the notes that Maeve had gathered. There was a look of surprise at first before a look of concentration replaced it. He read over the different notes, glanced at the key and then looked back at Maeve.

“You found these around here?” Hal asked with an eyebrow raised in question.

“Sure did,” Maeve replied. “I don't know where the notes refer to, but I definitely know that it’s here somewhere.”

“They will meet at three bells,” Hal said as he reread one of the notes. “Let’s see if we can find this pathway before night falls.”

Maeve felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment wash over her. She was happy that Hal was impressed and that everyone else also seemed to be impressed. Cassandra seemed to be the only one irritated that she disobeyed orders, but that didn't matter when Hal had dismissed her case easily. That did not guarantee that Maeve would be completely in the clear, but at least now they knew of her capabilities. If that meant getting yelled at just for a little bit in exchange for getting out of Haven and being a productive member of the Inquisition then by all means, Maeve would do it again and again. Even if it meant they were waiting in this back alleyway, in the dark, waiting for people to arrive.

_I won’t start whimpering…_ Maeve thought, unaware she was making a strange face. She didn’t like being in the dark, and she was easily frightened of it. It reminded her of how they got here, and the scary times when things might have killed them, and it was just not a fun experience. 

“Maeve?” Hal asked with a concerned tone. Maeve was the one to nearly jump in the air and caused Hal to start chuckling uncontrollably.

“Ha ha! For someone whose job is to sneak around, you do make a lot of noise,” he said with small laugh.

“But it’s dark and scary!” Maeve softly whimpered. Hal laughed even harder and Cassandra rolled her eyes and groaned with irritation. Solas had a small smile on his face in what could be assumed as amusement and Varric was the only other one to chuckle.

“You are quite an agent,” the dwarf teased since the Herald was too busy recovering from his laughter.

“Shut up!” Maeve snapped. She pouted, not happy that people were making fun of her fears. Her arms crossed childishly and she looked away from everyone in a dramatic huff.

“Can we get on with it?” Cassandra asked shortly. It was obvious that the Seeker was getting annoyed by all of this. Hal attempted to recover from his laughing but ended up just chuckling to himself. Solas nodded in agreement while Varric shrugged a bit. Cassandra and Varric didn't get along as it was so nothing he could say would help the situation, ever. Maeve was left to pout until she rerealized that it was dark and scary and went to whimpering face. They finally started to move along the alleyway, to the path that was mentioned in the notes and used the key on the gate to let them in. Hal pushed the gate open only to duck out of the way of a fireball. Maeve exclaimed in surprise and covered her head with her hands.

“Herald of Andraste,” someone called out in anger. “How much did you expend to discover me? It must have weakened the Inquisition immeasurably!”

“I don’t know who you are,” Hal merely answered. The group walked in cautiously. The man in question was standing, pompously before them with a half mask on. It looked like he had the pillows tied with belts underneath a hood that connected to his golden mask. The nose on it was rather pointed, the design to make it look like there were rings around it until it hit the base of the nose. The rest of the mask was smooth, with the occasional loopy design to accentuate the forehead and cheeks. His pose had his hands on his hips, his right foot in front of him but off to the side while the other was half bent behind him. It was rather awkward looking, but it gave off the air that this idiot was rather conceited and full of himself.

“You don’t fool me! I’m too important for this to be an accident! My efforts will survive in victories against you elsewhere!” the man in the mask spat. What the hell was this man talking about? The notes that they had didn't give any names, and indication as to who this man was outside the fact that he was against Hal. There was the muffled sound of a man being killed right behind the mystery man in the mask. Maeve looked and saw a guard trying to run and give a warning only to fall over and remain motionless. There was a single arrow that stuck out of his back. Behind the fallen dead body, was an elf with blonde hair and a drawn bow and arrow. Her hair looked like was hand cut, just judging on the way her short bob was jagged in edges, and a brilliantly blonde color. She had a strange set of leather armor that covered her in a slight halter-top like way. It covered her neck, the top of her shoulders, and down her chest and over where her breasts would have set. Beneath that, she had red sleeves, one that went all the way down to her wrist on her right arm and on her left it was rolled up. There was a leather wrist guard on her left forearm to protect herself as she battled with a bow. There was a belt around her waist, weighted down by a quiver of arrows. The rest of her red tunic draped passed her hips, looking tattered and repaired in places. Her pants, that looked more like a tight set of leggings, were of a yellow plaid design. It definitely clashed with the red, but hey whatever they wanted to wear. As for shoes, they looked like simple flats.

“Just say ‘What’” the elf demanded. Her bow stretched back and her string groaned ever so faintly as she trained an arrow on the mystery man. 

“What is the, mrmph!” the man opened his mouth and spoke but was met with a grizzly end. The arrow was loosed from the elf’s grip and the man gurgled in his last attempt to speak. Maeve’s jaw dropped in surprise. There was no right way to react to what was happening before her. 

“Squishy one, but you heard me right?” the elf said in a little irritation a little bit of joke in her tone. “’Just say what?’ Rich tits always try for more than they deserve.”

How could this elf just simply joke about a man she just killed, about the men she just killed? It didn’t seem right. In fact, it seemed almost cruel to say so. But then again this man was intending on fighting them, to the death. So maybe it wasn't so bad. However, it still didn't help her shock. Maybe this was what Haruko was trying to warn Maeve about.

“Blah blah blah, arrow in my face,” the elf continued as she walked forward to the man. The elf reached down and retrieved her lost arrow from the dead man’s face. There was a disgusting sound of ripping flesh as she did so. Maeve winced at the sound and the sight.

“So, you followed the notes well enough,” the elf said. She looked impressed.

“Actually, she was the one that brought them to my attention,” Hal said as he gestured to Maeve. Great now the attention was on her. She snapped her gaze away from the dead man and looked up at Hal. He nodded his head to the elf and Maeve looked at the elf. The elf looked over at Maeve and they stared at each other for a moment.

“You’re rather…short, aren’t you,” the elf said rather rudely.

“Hey!” Maeve snapped in defense. “I still found your stupid notes!”

“Oh they weren’t my notes, they were my peoples,” the elf said as though that was an obvious fact.

“Your people?” Hal then asked. His face looked like he was confused. “Elves?”

“No, people people,” the elf corrected. This conversation was just a giant ball of confusion. Hal half turned his head to the side and looked royally confused. Solas and Varric exchanged looks with the same sense of not understanding. Maeve just plan didn’t get it.

“Name’s Sera,” the elf introduced herself. She then thumbed to a box behind her. “This is cover, get round it.”

Maeve snorted a little at the small joke. Hal gave a half chuckle but still in the midst of confusion. What the hell was this elf talking about?

“For the reinforcements. Don't worry,” Sera continued to explain. “Someone tipped me their equipment shed. They got no _breaches._ ”

The elf seemed to giggle to herself about some sort of joke that no one got. It was a mystery only until the guards started to poor into the area. That’s when Hal nearly fell on his own sword in laughter. The guards literally, had no pants. _No breaches._ Maeve only had a little bit of time to laugh about the joke before she was almost attacked by another guard on her right. Luckily Cassandra was there to protect her with a skillful shield block.

“Use that bow of yours!” Cassandra scolded before going to the next guard. Sera was having a laugh about her joke while casually killing the guards. It seemed so easy for everyone else to make their stand but Maeve was hesitant to take up her bow. Her life had not been dedicated to a weapon like everyone else. No one else here had grown up thinking that killing people in general was wrong. But Maeve had a duty to her friends that allowed her to come on this mission. She knew full well what she was going to do and had been preparing herself for this moment. Haruko’s warnings had also helped her to prepare, but not completely. Instead of taking aim to kill a guard directly, she honed in on an exposed limb, something that would render them weak to someone else’s blade. 

Once they had fended off the rest of the guards Sera went and spook with Hal, letting him know everything about what her ‘friends’ were and how she wasn't really ‘Red Jenny’ but it was a group of vigilantes that want to get justice for the people that were mistreated. It wasn't as direct or easy to figure out that that was what this group was about, but eventually it was clear enough to make inferences. Maeve thought that was a wonderful thing, except for the killing part. Killing anyone was not something she could stomach right now, and sadly, Haruko was very right about her not being able to handle it quite yet. The blood, the fear, the death, all of it. However, Maeve also knew that she would have to get accustomed to this life if she was going to be one of Leliana’s agents. It might even end up being more gruesome and personal than Haruko’s own job.

_Maybe Haruko has an idea of how to…that’d be stupid, who would get used to something like this?_ Maeve thought to herself, unable to bring herself to even try and talk about this with Haruko. She’d seen how Haruko reacted to this, and thought it would be terribly rude of her to even mention the things that she had to do to protect the people. It was just as hard now to speak of her experiences, as it was when she first returned from her first mission to the Hinterlands. Maeve gave a small sigh and looked over to where Hal and Sera were now talking with the others. A small smile appeared on her face. This was because she knew that she was the one that helped to find Sera, and from here on out, Maeve was going to be held in higher regard…or that’s what Maeve hoped would happen.


	8. New Friends. New Missions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeve was successful at showing that she could help the Inquisition. She was able to follow vague notes and gained a valuable ally at that. Though was it worth the punishment that awaited her back in Haven?

Maeve enjoyed her travel back with the company of her friends. The elf, Sera, was hilarious and Maeve had taken a strange liking to her. Sera’s way of speaking was a bit confusing to say the least. It took a special ear to understand half of what came out of that elf’s mouth, most of it being hilarious jokes. But even then, it was hard to understand Sera without asking for a bit of clarification. The rest of the group didn't seem to take to Sera the same. Then again, this was just the beginning of the adventure, and if they were to work together they would have to get to know one another…eventually.

“Aaaah, it’s good to be back,” Maeve said once she had Haven in her sights. She was excited to tell Haruko all about her adventures. Haruko would never believe her when she said that she took the initiative and went on a mission all on her own.

“Kinda tiny,” Sera muttered. “Like you.”

“Ha! It’s not as tiny as you think it is,” Maeve commented, leading her through Haven. “You just can’t see much because of the walls, and we are far away.”

They continued the rest of their trek to Haven. Maeve scanned over the soldiers that were training outside of the main gates. Haruko would definitely be there, if not at their hut. But that was doubtful, Haruko was dedicating everything she had to this cause and to learning how to fight so it was unlikely that Maeve would find her friend sitting about. 

“Looking for people?” Sera asked.

“My friend, she’s the hardest worker that I’ve ever met,” Maeve explained a little. It was hard to sift through the people that were moving around _and_ concentrate on walking _and_ talk about things.

“She met you?” Sera then asked. Maeve couldn't help but snort with disbelief. She wasn't exactly as hard working as Haruko and even Haruko was not as hardworking as their commander. She came pretty close though when she thought about it.

“I don’t think I see her,” Maeve then said. A small bout of worry started to stir in the pit of her stomach. It would only take something serious to put Haruko out of commission. Something like an illness or an injury.

“Maybe she’s out and about. You know, doing what she does,” Sera suggested. Maeve gave a small nod and looked away from the training soldiers.

“You’re probably right. With the magic and the potions in this place she’s probably healed enough to go on missions the Commander orders her on…or ones she volunteers for,” Maeve added. “God knows that woman would jump in front of a bullet for someone.”

“Now you’re the one speakin’ nonsense,” Sera teased. Maeve laughed a little. The colloquialisms and idioms that came from her world did not make much sense in this world. Most of them anyway. Anything that had to do with electronics, technology, or even guns did not exist here. So it made things harder when there were movie references or book references or even game references. The only other person that understood them was Haruko, and that was a bit frustrating. But such is the life that they led as of late. So instead of worrying about those things, Hal and Maeve escorted Sera to the tavern. They thought it might be the best place for her to stay, considering the room that they currently had was starting to dwindle. It didn’t help that there were more and more refugees pouring into their little town day in and day out. This damned Mage Templar war and this damned Breach. It was putting many people out of their homes and so many more into graves.

“Hey Haruko! I’m back!” Maeve called once she opened the door. “Sorry I didn’t leave a note or anything and…you’re not here.”

Maeve was speaking to no one. Nothing but the air in the hut. Perhaps Haruko was the nicer of the two of them and left a note. 

_Of course not_ Maeve thought as she glanced at the table. _She’s probably worried sick as to where I got to…_

There was no note on their table, and nothing on either of their desks. Nothing on the beds or the bedside tables. Equally as strange, it looked as though this place had not been touched or lived in for the few weeks that she was away. Maeve frowned with worry. Where was her friend? Was she out on a mission? That couldn't possibly be it considering Haruko had a horrible habit of making sure Maeve knew exactly where she was going and for about how long it might take. This was only to help with her anxiety and to lessen the worry she might feel while Haruko was gone. So if Maeve wasn't there to talk to personally, there would always be a note. Something didn’t feel right.

Maeve exited their small cabin and walked down to the soldier’s training grounds once more. Maybe she just missed Haruko or something. If anything else, Commander Cullen would be there and she could ask if Haruko was sent on a mission. Down the small set of stairs, she walked and then observed the soldiers below. They spared, sharpened their weapons, and various other things that soldiers do. Not a one looked like Haruko. Maeve sighed with frustration and an ever growing sense of worry. If Haruko was not here, the only other person that might know her whereabouts was currently looking through reports and ordering other soldiers for tasks. Maeve walked around the outside of the sparing area, careful not to get caught up in the middle or in the way of working soldiers, and then approached the Commander at his station. 

“Um, excuse me,” Maeve said politely as can be without sounding panicked. “Commander Cullen?”

“Oh afternoon, Maeve,” Cullen replied. He had looked up to see who was speaking to him and seemed to relax a bit when he saw Maeve. “If you are wondering where Haruko is, she’s with the healer.”

“What?!” Maeve exclaimed. “Why would she be there? Oh God what happened?”

“It’s not as serious as you might think,” Cullen attempted to sound convincing. “Just a few injuries that she received while on a mission to the Storm Coast. There was a minor skirmish and she took a few heavy blows.”

“And that’s not serious?!” Maeve asked incredulously. “If they weren’t serious she’d be out here, training.”

The Commander did not really have anything to counter that argument. When he didn't say anything Maeve turned from him and marched her way back to the healer’s cabin. Oh infuriating to think that the commander would have thought that anything that would put Haruko down enough to not be able to do her job as something that wasn't serious. For all that man did, all the work he put into the Inquisition, he could be pretty dense. Maeve all but sprinted to the small cabin on the outer loop of Haven and opened the door once she got there.

The hut itself looked more like an infirmary, but with the medieval theme. There were soldiers resting in beds, some minorly injured and other more severe. The beds were lined up in neat rows against the walls of the hut, but the beds looked more like field cots. There was only so much this group of people could do with the little that they were given. 

As for Haruko, she was happily resting in bed with her left leg propped up on some extra pillows. The bed was in the far corner, closest to a window where she could look outside. No doubt Haruko had asked for the spot if it was available. The woman did love to watch outside and to observe nature if she could. Her left leg was wrapped up so that it was rendered immobile. Probably because she broke it, or wounded it in such a fashion that it would require it to not move in order to heal. Her shield arm was in a sling, a basic sling, and she had a few bandages on her face. For what it was worth, Commander Cullen was an outright liar.

Sitting next to her was a huge man, or creature, or man creature. Definitely was a man, considering he was rather shirtless save for a single shoulder guard on his left shoulder with a belt strapped across his chest to hold it in place. The huge belt he wore around his waist probably held his striped pants, but there was no telling since there weren’t really any belt loops to indicate thus. Perhaps they were sewn to the very leather itself, at least then it would be more convenient than having to deal with the task of looping the belt every day. 

Aside from his clothes, his skin color was a greyish hue. Normally that would indicate death or maybe the undead, but there was no stench of death and he did not look half decayed. Nope, he was very well defined. _Very_. The most notable thing would perhaps be the horns that grew from his head. They looked like the horns from a cow called a Longhorn, and were just as impressive. He also wore an eye patch on his left eye. Did this man see battle? Come to think of it, his body did look scarred as though he had seen a few too many battles. His eye glanced over to her and that’s when Maeve seemed to snap out of her shocked stupor. Haruko had been laughing, but when the strange man looking creature had looked away she too looked in that direction. Maeve then marched over to her in all her fury.

“Okay before we get to you,” Maeve half shouted with a point to the man. “What the hell?!”

Haruko glanced around the room and noticed the glares and heard the soft groans of protest to the loud shouting. Even if it was half shouting they were still in a place of healing and silence was desired above all else.

“Easy, Maeve,” Haruko tried to appeal to her friend. “There are some people trying to sleep and heal.”

Maeve scowled at her friend and she gave a half smile. It was her way, deflect with humor and a smile.

“I had a few accidents on my last mission,” Haruko said.

“And this is an accident?” Maeve gestured to Haruko’s state. Haruko gave a nervous chuckle. 

“The way you fight, probably not,” the man that sat next to Haruko spoke up for her.

“Way to have my back,” Haruko said with a scowl. The man gave a shrug.

“On the battlefield maybe,” he said with a smile. Haruko scowled harder.

“That’s not my point,” Maeve tried to bring the conversation back. “I thought I told you to be safe on your missions!”

“Well for one, you were not there to see me off for this mission,” Haruko got her own scolding back to her friend. Maeve’s mouth closed quickly as she watched the serious expression on Haruko’s face turned into a joking one.

“Plus you didn’t tell the bad guys not to mess with me,” she added. Maeve gave a look of disapproval, even crossed her arms in a motherly way. Haruko’s joking smile eventually faded and she sighed. There was no winning against her friend when Maeve got like this.

“Look, Maeve, my mission was to meet the mercenary company named Bull’s Chargers and get them to join our cause,” Haruko explained tiredly. “I’d say I did a very good job.”

“Haha! Yes, you did,” the man said with enthusiasm. “You rode in on your Red Hart like some noble knight and took that arrow that was meant for my head! You’re one hell of a woman!”

“Oh so no thanks for taking that great sword attack to your legs when you were mid-crushing a mage with that heavy hammer of yours?” Haruko asked looking hurt. She placed her good arm on her left arm’s shoulder. “I nearly shattered my shield arm thanks to that!”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” the he replied with an apologetic. The two seemed to fight as though they were good friend already. 

“Alright, who is he?” Maeve asked, getting a little annoyed with the fact that Haruko was talking to someone she didn't know.

“Oh my name’s The Iron Bull,” the man said. Haruko watched Maeve observe The Iron Bull. There was a questioning look on her face, maybe a mix of curiosity as well. This is due to the fact that there had never been a race of people like The Iron Bull. 

“He’s a race of people called Qunari, which is also apparently their religion,” Haruko explained. She then looked to him for some sort of confirmation. Even she was not sure of this new race of people. No work of fiction had rightly described his people before, not in their world at least.

“I’d say that sums it up,” The Iron Bull said with an approving nod.

“The Iron Bull’s the leader of the Chargers, he sent one of his men to us saying that we might be interested in an alliance with them,” Haruko continued to explain. She went to take a deeper breath to continue to explain but it was painful. The extent of her injuries were beyond what Maeve and The Iron bull could see at the moment. During the fighting, she’d broken a few ribs and they still stabbed at her lungs. No amount of training could prepare her for this amount of pain. Haruko gave a small wince, and everyone in the room picked up on that.

“So you did bust a couple of ribs,” The Iron Bull said. He was not exactly prepared for the quick glare she gave him. 

“I told you I did not,” Haruko denied plainly. She was not going to have Maeve start ranting at her, not when it was she who went out on her own without telling anyone. Haruko was still upset about that.

“So that wince was nothing? The Bull asked as he shifted in his chair. Haruko scowled a little but also was trying everything she knew to hide her pain. She gave a small glance to Maeve, who was watching her like a hawk. 

“Ha! I’m telling you I’m fine,” Haruko implored. She even tried to sit up a little more but it ended up back firing for her. She gave a small groan and shut her eyes tight with pain. 

“Haruko if you’re hurt,” Maeve said. “Maybe you should get someone to heal you.”

“Look, Maeve, I’m fine. There are other people that will need that medicine,” Haruko said. “There’s no need to waste it on me, I’ll heal up fast enough.”

Maeve sighed heavily and looked more worried while Iron Bull looked slightly impressed.

“So where did the arrow hit you? Your arm?” Maeve asked.

“No, my leg,” Haruko replied, lightly patting her left leg. “Right in the middle of the thigh. Better than hitting something that might not heal properly and then put me out of a job.”

“…So…?” Maeve said as though she was thinking about something very hard. Haruko gave her a puzzled look before Maeve snapped her fingers and pointed at Haruko. 

“You took an arrow to the knee,” she said proudly. Haruko groaned, against the pain of the joke. The Iron Bull looked a little more confused than amused.

“Good God Maeve, don't start,” Haruko begged lightly. She placed her good hand over her face in embarrassment of the joke.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” The Iron Bull said. He was most definitely confused and Haruko would rather keep the joke that way.

“Well you see, Haruko used to be an adventurer, till she took an arrow to the knee. Eeeeeeeh?” Maeve tried to explain. Haruko merely covered her face with her good hand, again.

“It’s a Skyrim reference…Ugh Maeve really?” Haruko explained only enough for someone in her world to understand.

“Now every time I see you limping down the road I’m going to make that joke,” Maeve said. She looked ever so proud of that joke where as Haruko looked more frustrated by it.

“…I still don’t think I understand,” The Bull replied.

“You don't have to understand,” Haruko gave a small groan.

“Well at least you were not there to witness Sera’s introduction,” another voice added to the conversation. “Trust me, a nightmare.”

Everyone in the room looked to the entrance of the healer’s hut. It was Hal. Haruko gave a mocked salute, wincing slightly from the pain. Maybe she shouldn't have done that, but since she wanted to do her job correctly, follow all the cultural norms and such, it was a small price to pay.

“You should be resting instead of trying to be formal,” Hal said with a light smile on his face. Haruko settled back down as she could.

“I still have a report to complete,” Haruko muttered.

“Which Commander Cullen is taking care of,” the Herald said with a happy look on his face. “I’m just happy you’re alive after all of that.”

“Oh is there more you’re not telling me Haruko?” Maeve asked with a scolding tone.”

“I think the Commander might have exaggerated some of the report,” Haruko muttered.

“I think the Commander is a lousy liar,” Maeve said with a scowl. Hal’s eyebrow rose up in curiosity before looking over at Haruko. She gave a half shrug.

“I’m sure Haruko told you everything,” Hal supported. He then proceeded to repeat the exact same thing as Haruko but in more detail. With each word, detail, and description that Hal gave, Haruko wanted to shrink lower and lower in her bed. Maeve’s wrath would last for a few days, if not be the most intense right now. 

“When you put it that way, it sounds like you were more reckless than a hero,” the Iron Bull said. It seemed as though he did not like the way Hal reported Haruko, and certainly did not seem pleased that she was being ratted out, so to speak.

“I told you to be careful! Not to be stupid!” Maeve scolded. She even went so far as to smack Haruko’s bad shoulder. Her eyes widened in pain and she grasped her shoulder.

“Ow!” Haruko groaned and then gave a soft glare. “I wasn't being stupid. I only acted like I normally do!”

“I thought what you did was valiant,” The Iron Bull defended. “Definitely added to the mayhem.”

“And now you have my back?” Haruko turned to him in surprise. She rolled her eyes at the man and went to pouting and grumbling about how everyone was against her. Maeve gave a soft sigh. At least her friend was not seriously injured.

“So how long are you going to be out?” Maeve then asked.

“A couple of weeks probably,” Haruko said truthfully. “The healer will give me a healing potion once he’s treated the more serious wounds on the other soldiers.”

“You got others hurt too?” Maeve asked incredulously.

“She didn’t _allow_ anyone to get hurt,” The Iron Bull spoke up before Haruko could. “And they give her the same amount of grief you all did. Your Commander knows who to assign which soldiers to the right leader. I like that.”

“Most of them are new recruits,” Haruko tried to lessen her sense of heroism. It was better to humble right?

“And yet it wasn't the new recruits that got injured,” Hal finished. The tone he had was a scolding one, and yet one that was held in high regard. Haruko scowled, as she always did and said nothing more on the subject.

“I think you might care for others, too much,” Hal continued. “If you are not completely healed, how are you to continue to protect them?”

“Someone else will have to,” Maeve answered simply. Haruko didn't like she was being answered for, not when she was still able to talk and speak for herself.

“I can still- “Haruko started to speak up.

“No!” Maeve said sternly. “You have been running around since you went on that mission with Hal to the Hinterlands! It’s time you give yourself a rest. A proper rest, God damnit!”

Haruko opened her mouth to argue, not once, but twice. When she could not think of anything to say, she looked away in defeat. There was no winning against her friend, not when she could not prove it. The fact that they thought she was hardworking was a mere misunderstanding. If she kept herself busy enough she wouldn't have to think about the darker thoughts that haunted her mind. It allowed her to worry about others rather than herself. If she worried about others, she wouldn't have to deal with the memories, the negative thoughts that plagued her every night and day. She didn't have to focus on the fact that she was alone with Maeve in a world she was never born in, that this world was not anywhere close to where they lived. She didn't have to focus on the overwhelming sense of out of control her life had gotten.

“Taking a break requires you to stop thinking so hard!” Maeve added. Haruko gave a groan in response. Maeve was just going to play mother hen, wasn't she?

“You’re killing me, Maeve!” she complained. “I don't need you to watch over me.”

“Apparently you do!” Maeve replied in earnest. “I’d still be like this if you did something stupid back in our world!”

“Still would have cost an arm and a leg too,” Haruko muttered quietly, only to receive another painful smack on her shoulder. Haruko tried to lean away but her broken ribs were making it hard.

“Damn, Maeve!” Haruko complained. “You’re going to break my arm!”

“Don’t be a baby,” Maeve said with no mercy. Did she have no friends in this place? Couldn't they just leave her alone to rest in peace? That was what the healer’s hut was for right?

“This is the friend that whimpered while you tried to find Haven?” The Iron Bull asked with a surprised look upon his face.

“I may be a big cry baby but there is only so much stupid I can handle,” Maeve explained. Normally Haruko would have agreed with her, but when Haruko was the cause of the stupidity or the lack there of there was less of an ability to agree.

“I’m not that stupid,” Haruko grumbled. Hal was too busy trying not to laugh at the situation. He had bit his lower lip and his shoulders shock with the effort to keep his laughter down. But the small chuckles and snorts were starting to escape and eventually he held a hand to his mouth to try and suppress them further.

“I don't think you’re that stupid, Haruko,” The Iron Bull said sympathetically.

“Thanks, Iron Bull,” Haruko grumbled. She moved to shift in her bed but it was with more difficulty than she had originally anticipated. It was harder to move around with one side of her body completely incapacitated. It was slow, but she managed to lower herself further, to a near lying position, onto the pillows. In that moment, everyone in the room was reminded that this warrior, however jokingly she denied it, was wounded. 

“We’ll speak later,” Hal said and then walked to the door. “Get better, Haruko. I’ve been eager to see how well your swordsmanship has grown since you’ve been going out on your own missions and been given the opportunity to lead soldiers.”

“Only if I can get away from Mother Hen long enough,” Haruko made a stab at Maeve. Maeve gave Haruko a look, but said nothing. Haruko looked tired, and in pain, so there was no reason to press her further.

“I think Leliana was looking for you, Maeve,” Hal then said. It looked as though he suddenly remembered. Maeve gave a grimace and Haruko looked at her friend in curiosity. No doubt it was to get chewed out for leaving without orders and without telling anyone where she was going. She watched as Maeve looked down at her.

“I’m not going to move anytime soon,” Haruko said as she gestured to all of her then waved at her to leave. “Go.”

“You better not move,” Maeve said then left the building with Hal. Haruko was relieved to find that her friend fared better than she did. She gave a heavy sigh and rested her head tiredly against the pillows behind her. Her body ached, her head pounded, and her wounds cried for rest. Her mind was weary and demanded sleep all the same, but not when there was still one more guest to _entertain_. 

“You don't have to stay with someone you barely know,” Haruko said tiredly to The Iron Bull. He was being kind by staying. Hell he only came moments before Maeve burst through those doors. It was a nice gesture, to have someone come in and check up on you.

“Sure, but then you’d go off and do something without Maeve’s permission,” The Iron Bull joked. Haruko gave a laugh, a genuine laugh before it turned into stabbing pain in her lungs.

“It’s not fair…laughing hurts…” Haruko whined weakly. 

“Haha! I’m sure you’ve had worse in your other world?” The Iron Bull assumed. Haruko didn't say anything. She could feel his eyes looking on her and she couldn't bear to look at him. Talking about her home made this ache appear in her stomach and in her heart. So she looked away from him instead of answering anything.

“Oh…No?” The Iron Bull asked. Haruko knew that he deserved an answer. Anyone that asked a question deserved to have an answer, but at what expense? Clearly Haruko did not want to discuss it. However, she slowly turned her head back and looked over at him for a moment.

“No…The worse I had when I lived in the other wo- my world, was a broken femur…uh, this part of your leg,” Haruko patted her thigh for clarification. “I was in bed for about a month and a half…but I was really young so it healed fast.”

“That’s it? With the way you fight, I thought you might have been a soldier back in your world,” The Bull commented. Something about that comment didn't set right with Haruko. She looked angry, then frustrated, and then perhaps felt more anguish than anything else. No, she wasn't a soldier back in her world, not in the conventional way that the word describes. She fought many battles, but not with swords. She fought her battles with words rather than action and even if it did require action it was not violent. There were no weapons involved just a lot of work and effort into making things right. It was not like here, where she had taken up the sword of steel and personally rendered flesh from bone.

“Oh…that’s interesting,” The Iron Bull said. Haruko’s glare hardened and her eyes bore into him with intense anger. Was that amusement that she heard in his voice? Was it amusing to see that she was not truly a fighter that everyone else here was?

“What’s interesting?” Haruko snapped angrily. “That I’m killing people? That I’m killing people for a cause? That I’m killing people because those people, whom I killed, made the choice to hurt innocents?”

Now she sat herself up and was ready to argue head on.

“Or is it the fact that a girl, like me, with no previous training on being a warrior with only books and stories of such people and places like this, whose philosophy on life is to work together instead of again each other, hates killing people?!”

She wasn't blaming him for anything, she was just angry about the situation and had not truly come to terms with the fact that she was a murderer. She was killing people on the field of battle, to protect her soldiers. She was killing others to protect the people that gave her a home. And she was killing people to protect those that did not deserve such violence. She had become an instrument of death, something she did not ever wish to become. There was blood on her hands that would never wash off, no matter how hard she scrubbed or how long she soaked them in water. It would always remain there.

“Easy now, you keep that up and you’ll reopen that wound,” Bull warned gently. There was one last wound that she had not spoken of. Her hand that was in her sling was clinging to it. There was a warmth that rushed through her clothes, was spreading oh so slowly. Truth be told, she did recklessly charge in to save The Iron Bull’s Chargers from a surprise attack. They knew that they were going to be attacked but they were not aware of the reinforcements that were on their way. Haruko took initiative and ordered her soldiers to flank the reinforcements while she would go alone on a different path directly in front as a distraction. No one in the history of battle had ever allowed the leader of a group of soldiers to be used as a decoy, or at least it was very rare for such a thing to happen. 

“Ngh…” Haruko groaned. She turned her hand and saw the blood that was already seeping through the bandages. She was angry, tired, scared, everything that could be attached to guilt.

“This is not why I fight…I don't enjoy it, I never have. I cannot understand why others think this is a way of life…but I will be damned if I just sit on my ass and do nothing while the world around me, my friends, and innocent people are caught in the middle of someone else’s fuck up…”

“I didn’t imply you did,” The Iron Bull corrected calmly. “I am far more surprised that you would fight with such passion when you hate fighting with the same intensity. Here, let’s get that rewrapped before you bleed too much.”

Haruko flinched away from The Iron Bull. He saw the smallest bit of fear then replaced by stubbornness. He gave a slight smirk. This woman was always going to be stubborn about things.

“I’m not going to make it worse okay?” he reassured. There was a moment of silence. Haruko regarded The Iron Bull for a moment or two before giving a slow nod. He gave a nod in return and got up. He walked over to a shelf, where the bandages and salve were stored before coming back to her. Haruko sat up straight and lifted her shirt enough for him to patch up her wound. There were no words that were exchanged and yet there were sentences that were understood.

“…I wasn't really angry at you…” Haruko admitted softly. When he was done she pulled her shirt down and adjusted it to set over the newer bandages. The Iron Bull nodded and went to put the supplies he had borrowed away. He knew that Haruko was not angry with him. She was angry with herself. The intensity of her lashing out was only half of what she felt when it came to how she regarded what and who she was.

“I know those words were not for me,” The Iron Bull said finally when he had returned. “You are more angry and frustrated with the world than anything else. Though I think you are more frustrated with yourself and your situation.”

Haruko glared at him at first but then it fell. He spoke the truth, and how could she argue with it? Instead, she placed her right hand on her aching shoulder once more, and thought that the wall in front of her was far more interesting than the company that sat next to her.

“…Can we just…not talk about it?” Haruko asked. She might not have looked at him directly, but her tone of voice was now a begging one. The Iron Bull nodded, but now they were left to talk about nothing. The silence was deafening and downright oppressive.

“Why are you still here?” Haruko asked, after a time.

“Did you want me to go?”

“If you have stuff you need to get done!” Haruko said. Now she was worried that he was skipping out on his duties.

“You need someone here to support you,” The Iron Bull said matter o’ factly.

“I did not say I did,” she said.

“Nope, but you need someone here, whether you are open to admitting that,” The Iron Bull continued but got a scowl on Haruko’s face in return. 

“I didn't say you needed to stay so why would you stay? You have duties and the Chargers to lead, go on get!” Haruko emphasized her point by waving her hand to the door. The Iron Bull chuckled. He was no more about to move from his spot just as Haruko was not about to rest with him here. 

“How about a compromise?” he suggested. “I stay here until you fall asleep?”

“……” Haruko scowled again at him. They had a stare off, well Haruko was glowering while The Iron Bull was unreadable. The silence remained for an eternity, it seemed, and no one was going to back down from their position. Not until Haruko was the one to give in. Her shoulder ached, her body begged for sleep, and as far as she was concerned, she’d rather not fall out of her bed from resisting sleep.

“Fine...” Haruko replied shortly. She struggled to lay back down. Her body felt heavier than lead, and her right arm was about ready to give up from all this effort of sitting up and moving around. Her back pressed against the softness of the pillows and tried to get more comfortable. Whether she was comfortable or not, it did not matter. Sleep met her quickly, almost as soon as her head hit the pillows behind her. The Iron Bull waited just a few more minutes before covering her relaxed frame with the thicker blankets.

~

“You left! Without orders! Without discussing it with any of us!” Leliana’s voice scolded Maeve. Maeve was trying her best not to cry right there in front of Leliana, but she didn't like it when people yelled at her when she did a good thing. Her head was down. She wasn't looking at anything but her feet.

“Go easy on her Leliana,” Hal said sympathetically. “She made up for it by getting us an alley with connections.”

“…” Leliana looked frustratingly at Hal then at Maeve. “You don’t go anywhere without my permission, is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am!” Maeve replied with sincerity. Leliana dismissed Maeve after that. Hal and the rest of the council had to discuss other missions and potential issues at the war table. Maeve was just happy to be free of their clutches. There was no use staying if they were done yelling at her. They being Leliana and perhaps some of the other agents that found it amusing to watch Maeve getting scolded. Thankfully Hal argued that she was not doing enough outside of Haven and welcomed the chance to get another ally on their side. However, he did agree that she should have waited for his order to go outside with him. She walked out of the Chantry and saw that Sera was standing by the doors, waiting for her.

“You don't have to listen to that twit,” Sera said. “She’s got ‘er knickers up her face half the day.”

“Hahaha, yeah she does,” Maeve said with a laugh. Sera’s words and how she said things would always make her laugh. And laughing was welcome after that yelling spree.

“So whadduya make of all this then?” Sera asked.

“The Inquisition?”

“Ya, it’s a bit messy, but it’s helping init?” Sera said. “ ‘cause that big hole in the sky is making everyone stupid, and stupid’s bad for business.”

“You mean the Friends of Red Jenny?” Maeve asked. There was no way she was going to understand all of Sera’s mannerisms and speech in less than a week.

“Well, yeah, everyone.”

“But not everyone is apart of Red Jenny,” Maeve tried to clear up.

“Anyone who wants to be,” Sera explained in less detail than before. Maeve gave her a slightly confused look and just rolled with it. Sometimes Sera didn't make sense, but in the elf’s world it was completely and total sense. That was the part that frustrated most people, and for Maeve it was better to just go with it sometimes. Maeve was walking back to return to Haruko’s side. Sera just happened to continue to follow.

“How’s your friend?” Sera asked.

Which one?” Maeve asked back. 

“The one all banged up and hurtin’,” the elf replied back.

“Oh, that’s Haruko,” Maeve said. “She’s just as you say. Banged up and hurtin’.”

“She’s the other one with you when you come tumbling out of some nothin’ and then make yer way here?” Sera asked and Maeve nodded. “Wow…so it wasn't from that hole intha sky?”

“I don’t remember much of what happened,” Maeve admitted slowly. “I was too frightened to do much of anything.”

Maeve tried to explain it as best she could. Haruko was the one to remember such things in great detail but Maeve, not this. It was too frightening to recall and some of the details were lost in her own mind. They ended up talking about more mundane things. If anything most of their conversation was to clarify what Sera had said. Their conversation had not ended, not by the time they got to the door of the healer’s hut. Maeve felt bad for cutting their conversation short.

“You should see your friend,” Sera said. “Havin’ friends is good. Banged up friends need other friends ta help.”

The elf waved at Maeve and walked back to the tavern. Maeve gave a small wave back and sighed a little bit. What was she going to tell Haruko? Better yet, what was she going to do with Haruko? The woman had not changed one bit since they arrived here and she was just as rash and self-sacrificing as before. Maeve walked into the healer’s and saw that Haruko was sleeping soundly. She smiled with relief, happy to see that her friend was taking her advice. It was probably her body taking advice and not any real choice that Haruko made. Maeve noticed that the chair that The Iron Bull was sitting in was now empty, and he was nowhere to be found. Perhaps that was a good thing, since Haruko liked to stay up and speak with her guests in any occasion. So she walked to the chair and sat down in it quietly. No need to wake her friend up because of a creaky chair. By the time the sun had disappeared behind the horizon of mountains, Maeve was in a light doze in the chair. She heard the door open, and she jerked herself awake. The person who was walking in as the Commander, the last person that Maeve wanted to see right now.

“Commander, with all due respect I don't think Haruko’s going to go on any more missions for a while,” Maeve said with a bit more bite than was intended.

“That’s not what I came here for,” Cullen explained himself. “I merely wanted to get more accurate report on things down in the Storm Coast. I just got the basic run down when she returned. From the soldiers that were placed under her command. I’m glad to see she’s resting instead of working herself half to death.”

“You should order her to rest every now and then,” Maeve suggested. There was a light chuckle from the commander.

“You would think she’d listen,” he then said. “Haruko wouldn't listen to my orders on resting and instead insist that she go and help others when no one else could.”

“That sounds like Haruko,” Maeve agreed with a small nod.

“Was she like this in your world?” the commander asked. Maeve crossed her arms in thought. There was no literal form of knights in their world, not anymore at least. Everything was pretty much on the metaphorical level when it came to describing people as heroes. Sadly, most heroes had tragic endings…as well as beginnings.

“Well, she wasn't the knight in shining armour literally,” Maeve explained. “But she would be willing to sacrifice her time on something that was important to her to help a friend out or even a stranger…that’s just the kind of person she is.”

“If only there were more people like her,” Cullen muttered.

“Maybe this war wouldn't be so intense?” Maeve finished and Cullen gave a small nod.

“n-no…. don’t…” Haruko groaned in her sleep. Maeve looked over to see Haruko’s face twisted in some sort of terror, as though trying to stop something or get away from something that was haunting her. Her eyebrows furrowed, her face seemed to etch with an intense fear before her eyes snapped open.

“No…no, no. STOP!!” Haruko shouted. She sat up, cold sweat pouring down her face, and her face full of terror. She didn't seem to be aware of her surroundings. It sounded like she ran a marathon, gasping for air that she lacked. Haruko was slow to realize that she was not locked in that terrible nightmare, that she was back in the real world. With that realization, she covered her face with the one hand and tried to calm herself down.

“It’s okay Haruko,” Maeve said softly. She wanted to help Haruko but what could she really do? These nightmares were something that she was going to have to fight herself. The only thing that Maeve could do was be there to comfort her.

“I know…...I know….” Haruko said the last one softly. _They are just so real._

“Ah, Commander Cullen, did you need something?” Maeve tried to play Cullen’s appearance there as though he just walked in.

“Oh, uh, I wanted to get a better report on the situation at the Stormy Coast,” Cullen said. He seemed uneasy to lie in front of Haruko, but it was perhaps for the best.

“Oh…Well…” Haruko said. She seemed shaky at best. “Do you want me to write one, Commander?”

“You’re not left handed are you?” he asked and Haruko shook her head. “Then a written one will be fine.”

“I’ll have it to you by the morning,” Haruko muttered.

“Also,” he continued. “Hal will go to Redcliffe to speak with the Mages. I don't want either one of you getting any ideas about going after him. It will just be a simple mission to speak with the Mages nothing more.”

“You’re not concerned that it might be a trap?” Maeve asked.

“We discussed that at length and he insisted that we speak with the Mages,” Cullen replied.

“I think that would be a smarter way to go about this Breach,” Haruko said softly. “The Templars may have power, but the Mages might know how the Breach came to be. Understanding what happened is half the battle to fixing the problem.”

“In an ideal world we would want both of them to be aligned with us,” Cullen commented. “However this is not an ideal world.”

“Of course not,” Haruko muttered. It would never be an ideal world, not unless everyone was working together to make it so.


	9. Everyone Needs a Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko sustained some serious injuries and still refuses to seek magical aid that would have her back on the field in less than a week. How on earth did she sustain those injuries and why? She wasn't the type to allow herself to be injured on purpose. Will her wounds heal properly without magical medicine?

About two weeks after Haruko first received her injuries, she was now healed enough to limp around Haven without having someone look after her. Since Commander Cullen had ordered her to rest, she had taken that order seriously. There was only so much that she could do, given the severity of her wounds. She might have made it to Captain in this short enough time, with her heroic efforts over of the Storm Coast and even in the Hinterlands as her boon, but she was not immune to orders. Haruko could not challenge her own small band of soldiers to duel her if they disobeyed her. She tried that once, still won with more effort, but received more than one tongue lashing for it. The Commander scolded her for not resting, and the healer was tired of seeing her in his office. If Haruko was yelled at any more she feared she might go deaf. 

Maeve had made it extremely difficult to do anything remotely close to Haruko’s normal routine. Not only was there that constant ‘arrow to the knee’ joke, following her around, but Maeve never failed to remind her of Commander Cullen’s orders. But as of late, those warnings and the constant mother henning had lessened. Perhaps it was because Maeve had gone on her first officially approved mission with the Herald? Hal had explained that this was her mission to get accustomed to seeing death or being the instrument of death. Something about understanding that this world had different views of death and actually being a part of killing someone happen to sober a person up. Haruko had already expressed that she did not like Maeve going out there and bearing this sort of burden. They only needed one of them to have to kill someone else, they didn't need both of them to sacrifice their minds to war. But since Maeve had voiced her own displeasures about everyone around the camp assuming what she could and could not handle, Haruko left it to Maeve’s decision and her ability to make them. All Haruko could do now was just be there for Maeve if she needed it.

Currently, Haruko was sitting in the training yard, sharpening her sword as she watched the others train and practice their skills. 

“Ser,” a soldier came up, winded.

“Is there an issue?” Haruko asked. She’d been made Captain of her own band of soldiers and now they looked to her advice first before going to the Commander. For one, Commander Cullen was always busy with planning routes for troops to march, or supplies or other things that required his attention. For two, he was harsher in his instructions than she was. Haruko was still a little harsh, but she would gently instruct the soldiers before yelling at them for not listening to her the first time.

“I…” the soldier looked embarrassed. “I can’t remember the motions we need to go through.”

“Dear Lord,” Haruko breathed softly. She was slow to rise, since her leg was still sore as was her ribcage. Most of the soldiers she dealt with were the newer recruits. They were farmers, pilgrims, villagers, anyone that was willing to throw their lives to the service of closing the Breach and stopping this madness. Haruko’s talent seemed to be teaching the newer soldiers, which opened up for a different type of loyalty to her. It was a slow exercise, since Haruko could not fully perform the motions but the soldier seemed to remember the rest on his own.

“Thank you Ser!” the soldier gave his thanks once they were done. Haruko sighed heavily and leaned against the wall. She watched as he ran back to his partner and started to practice once more. Both were clumsy at best, but they seemed to have a blossoming friendship despite their fumblings.

“I swear if Cullen or I didn't show them the sharp end of the sword they’d have cut themselves on accident by now,” she muttered to herself.

“They all have to start somewhere, right?” someone spoke up beside her. Haruko gave a small glance and saw that it was the same soldier that sent the message to the Inquisition regarding Bull’s Chargers. His name was Krem, and he was second in command to the Bull’s Chargers. Or that is what seemed to be the case since The Iron Bull liked to give orders to Krem first.

“True, we all had to start somewhere,” Haruko replied with a slight sigh once again. It took a little while to get back onto her bench that she was sitting at so she could continue to sharpen her blade. The sound of stone against metal was slightly soothing, but after hearing it for two weeks in a row it was rather boring. The only reason she did it was to learn how to properly take care of her equipment better. She was sitting on her hands, unable to properly train, what else was she to do?

“Bull told me I should formally thank you for saving my arse back in the Storm Coast,” Krem said. Haruko had a small amused smile appear on her face. However, that smile faded. Not many people know exactly what happened there, she wouldn't tell the story because it reminded her of something darker.

~

Haruko sat tall and alert on Yakul’s back. She was leading a little group of soldiers to the Storm Coast as per Commander Cullen’s orders. He had said that Hal was requested to meet up with a man named “The Iron Bull” but since Hal was needed in Val Royeaux there was no way to meet up with the Chargers. The Chantry had openly challenged the state of Hal’s innocence, claimed that he had the murder of the late Divine Justinia the fifth. That challenge could not be ignored. So Haruko was sent out as the best second option they had and a few other soldiers that had proved their worth. Haruko pulled back on the reins gently to Yakul to stop.

“…Something’s not right,” she murmured. Something in her gut told her that there might be danger nearby. There was a light stillness regardless of the rain that continued to pour down on top of them. Haruko lifted her hand into the air and motioned for the troops to move quickly. At the same time, she tapped Yakul’s sides lightly with her heels. Yakul moved almost silently through the trees as Haruko scouted ahead as best she could. They were up on the higher ground, and scouting at the land below should not be much of a problem. From their vantage point on the cliff, they could see a band of troops fighting down on the shore. Haruko assumed that was the Chargers fighting in a skirmish. What the Chargers didn't see was a group of reinforcements moving quietly along a lower cliff, in ambush. With those numbers, the Chargers would be crushed and then they would be left with no allies.

“Alright troops,” Haruko said quietly to her group. “There is a group of reinforcements about to meet our potential alleys. If we do not stop them here, there might not be any allies worth aligning ourselves with.”

The troops nodded in response.

“Finn, take the archers and set up over there,” Haruko started to order quickly. “Allisen, take the field troops and meet up around the front. I’ll charge in and distract them, while warning the Chargers of the reinforcements.”

“But Ser!” the one of the troops protested.

“I’ll be fine,” Haruko reassured with a smile. “I’ve got Yakul with me.”

A smile. That was all that was needed to trick the soldiers into thinking that she will be all right. There needed to be some sort of distraction while her troops were getting ready for their own charge. Haruko was the only one with a huge animal. A Red Hart was not exactly the stealthiest of creatures. However, they were able to handle the rocky terrain with their cloven hooves, and thus made Haruko and Yakul the ideal unit to run down and distract as well as warn. Haruko could hear the rocks clatter softly as they tumbled and shifted under the Red Hart’s hooves. Yakul turned his head and walked up the cliff side without a second thought. They scaled down just enough so that Yakul could get a running start without having to jump down. The rocks clattered beside them and below them. Hopefully they would not give away their position.

Haruko reined so Yakul could charge down the hillside. She gave little command to do so. Yakul and Haruko understood each other on a level that most riders envied. This sort of bond took years to create, if it was even possible and allowed to nurture, but it seemed that a Hart was quite different from a horse. Yakul could figure out what Haruko was thinking in an instant without having much guidance. The same could be said for Haruko to Yakul. This is also the second factor as to why Haruko would not allow the others to play the distraction.

It took three bounds before Haruko could see the enemies’ heads turn in curiousity. There was that slow morph of questioning look into a fearful and surprised look. They tried to call out but Yakul had blasted through them. He had lowers his antlers at one point and threw aside several other enemies. There were cries of pain and alarm as well as the sound of thudding bodies as they hit the ground. All this while Haruko drew her own blade. The enemy shouted at her and tried to organize in the short time that they had to stop this surprise attack. However, they were not so quick, not when they were thrown, literally, into disarray and confusion. Haruko and Yakul had gained momentum because of the cliff and there was no way to stop them. Yakul then gave a leap, just as they had run out of ground to run on, and landed on the beach below. The soldiers there were just as surprised as the ones she had just run over. Both the Chargers and the enemy were surprised. With surprise still on Haruko’s side, she motioned Yakul to turn and charge through a few other enemies. Yakul whistled shrilly as he knocked an enemy, hard, with his antlers. On the opposite side, Haruko cut stabbed at another and they both fell to the ground. Before her was a wounded soldier, not bearing the enemy’s colors.

“Thanks,” she breathed out. Her leg looked injured, twisted in a wrong direction. Haruko gave a light wince.

“Thank me when we’re out of this alive,” she replied. This battle had yet begun and they were still within danger. As though to emphasize the point, a sharp pain, coupled with a thud, hit Haruko’s left leg. She cried out in pain and her rein hand swiftly went to her new wound. It stung, and hurt worse than the bruises she received in training. Haruko looked to her left and saw two archers aimed at her. None of them were friendly. There was one taking aim at her, and Haruko could not move fast enough to get out of range. Just when she thought she could see him release the arrow, another saved her life. She watched as the arrow lodged itself in the soldier’s throat and how limp the body of her attacker fell. With one glance, Finn had his bow posed for another shot. He lowered his bow for a moment, gave a slight wave. Haruko waved back in thanks. Her troops had come to the rescue, and saved her life. Now she had to deal with a wounded leg as she fought.

She didn't have to worry about her platoon; she knew they could handle themselves. It was the Chargers that were worth her worry. The enemy had already proven to be a thorn in the Inquisition’s side and Haruko only had the Charger’s words that they could handle themselves. The Red Hart snorted as though to remind his rider where they were. Haruko glanced back at the battlefield. They had yet to stop this attack and they were far from being safe. Yakul half reared as he turned to get out ready for another charge. Haruko gripped the base of the arrow that stuck in her leg. It needed to come out, and it needed to come out now. But every time she tried to yank on it, it throbbed with an excruciating pain.

_It needs to come out…_ Haruko thought to herself.

“One…two…three…grah!” she counted down before yanking with all of her might and dislodging the arrow. The pain was intense enough for her to feel the sting of tears in her eyes. Her stomach flipped and gave her a sense of queasiness. The only other pain that matched this one was when she had broken her right leg at the age of nine. This…this arrow was a nice second to that pain. Yakul grunted and suddenly reared up to strike out at a soldier that got to close. The sudden jerk snapped Haruko out of her daze and forced her to put that pain behind her. Now the soldiers were starting to crowd around her, making it equally as difficult to fight on Yakul. Haruko wanted to remain seated, to prevent further damage to her leg. But that seemed to be a foolish endeavor. 

“Damnit…” Haruko muttered. She jumped off of Yakul’s back. He bucked and gave a killing strike to one of the warriors’ head. He went down, lifeless. Haruko yanked out the arrow from her leg and threw it to the ground just as another warrior charged at her. This one held a great sword and was heavily armoured. The swings were strong enough that Haruko could feel a slight breeze as they passed. Once or twice Haruko had to block with her light wooden shield and those were enough to make her arm go numb with the shock of the impacts.

“HRAAAAH!” the warrior shouted and swung horizontally at Haruko’s shield. To her surprise, the shield shattered in her arms as she was sent tumbling to the ground. The rocks stabbed in her skin as she braced her fall, but did little to help with her dazed state. Instinctively she rolled away and could only lie there on her back while she tried to regain some sense. Her head was ringing or was it her ears? Her arm throbbed, sore. Sound was muffled for merely a moment but that was enough of a moment to remind her that she needed to return to the fight. The rain on her face was irritating enough, as was the occasion ring of steel against steel. The noise was enough to rouse her from her daze and she saw the point of a sword. Her eyes widened in fright and she rolled out of the way.

“AGH!” The sword might have missed the killing blow but it did not miss her flesh. If she did not react now, she would be dead. Without looking, she blocked a downward swing from a greatsword killing blow. They struggled. Steel grinded against steel. Haruko gritted her teeth and summoned what strength she had to shove him off. He stumbled for a moment, but only that before Haruko went for the weak point in his armour. She stabbed, felt her sword go in and the cry of pain that followed. With a well-placed foot to his chest, Haruko shoved him off of her blade. It might have looked as though she was getting used to killing her enemies, but that was all. She looked the part, that did not mean she did not feel remorse. 

A shadow loomed from behind her and that is when panic set in. It was an instinctual fear, something that was the product of her damned childhood. One thing that she hated the most of herself. Out of this blind panic, she kicked out behind her but a giant hand caught it. There was no thought to her next move as she made the most of her situation and lashed out with her sword. There was a war cry that she had not given, a lash out to her opponent that dared to attack her from behind, and perhaps laced with her hidden fear. Her sword met the staff of a large hammer. The metal clanged loudly in the area they were in. However, silence followed as they remained like that for a few moments.

“I don’t think it is wise to attack your allies,” a deep voice said. Haruko blinked, attempted to get the rain out of her eyes and to focus on the person that spoke to her. He was tall, a bluish grey in skin color. At first Haruko thought he might be the undead if it were not for the fact that he had quite a bit of muscle on him. And by quite a bit, Haruko could only describe as a serious warrior who could lift that heavy hammer that blocked her blade. The other factor that slowed her thoughts of attacking was the strange horns that grew from the top of his head. Haruko could feel her shoulders rising and falling with the effort to regain herself. She could feel eyes watching her. She glanced over to see a tired band of soldiers ready to attack. Haruko looked back at the man that held her leg.

“I don't think it is wise to come up behind someone just after a battle without announcing who you are,” Haruko retorted quietly. The man, warrior…whatever he was laughed loudly. He then let go of her leg so suddenly that Haruko stumbled back. She attempted to right herself but the wound her in left leg made it too hard so she ended up falling down. That is where she remained, as the pain from her wounds and the adrenaline that was coursing through her veins was nearly gone. However, she had a job to do and she was going to do it sitting down. So she struggled, managing to get to her left leg to fold underneath her so she would use her good leg to stand up. 

“I think you should just stay put,” the man in question suggested. Haruko sighed through gritted teeth.

“I’m here as a messenger for the Herald, it would be rude of me to remain on the ground as I am,” Haruko replied.

“I was never one for formalities,” the man replied with a light chuckle. Haruko regarded that statement. Everything in her body ached. Her leg, her shield arm, the entire left side of her body, everything just was one big ache. Perhaps it would be better to remain down on the ground. But as a Captain, she had to show her respect to this new band of soldiers and to represent the Inquisition itself. So with the last of her will, she lifted herself from the ground with a bit of a groan.

“Ser!” A shout came from the hill up. They both looked and saw a dark haired boy with light skin and freckles running to meet them.

“Finn? How are the troops?” Haruko asked once he came up to them. He was just a little shorter than she was.

“…The archers are fine, the field troops have a few wounded,” Finn reported. He then looked at Haruko a little closer and noticed the blood seeping from her hand that covered the wound on her left side. “Ser, you’re wounded.”

“Make your way back to Haven. If the seriously injured do not get treatment soon enough, they will not survive the ride home,” Haruko ordered. There was no need to cause a fuss, not when she still had business to conduct.

“Ser…” Finn said with a little hesitation.

“Are you going to disobey orders?!” Haruko snapped angrily. It was more out of pain than out of anything else. 

“Forgive me Ser! But you are just as wounded as the others! If I were to follow orders that would mean you too would travel with us!” Finn said formally. Finn had become a friend to Haruko through training. He’d been bullied hard by some of the veterans because of his smaller stature and inability to take a hit. Haruko had stood up to those bullies and made friends with him on purpose. She even helped him take up the bow instead of a sword. Since then he had gained a small amount of confidence and was now using it against her. Haruko look astonished then shook her head with a small chuckle.

“Get the hell out of here!” She ordered pointing with the one good hand. Finn grinned a little then rushed off. Friends took care of friends. Rank didn't matter when it came down to that principle.

“Can you believe that boy?” Haruko muttered as she placed her hands on her hips. “The Iron Bull I presume?”

“Yeah, the horns usually give it away,” he said with a bit of a smile.

“If I had more time I would discuss matters with you,” Haruko started to explain. “I don't know much about the money matters; I’m assuming you would want pay if we ask you to be our ally.”

Haruko was a soldier, not a businesswoman. Any issues with payment fell to Josephine, their ambassador of sorts. Haruko thought of her as some sort of secretary or treasurer from her world. Perhaps the roll of “ambassador” was a mix of both.

“We can let your lady, Josephine? To sort out those matters, though,” Bull stated. “I thought I would be meeting the Herald of Andraste instead of his messenger.”

Now there was something new. Haruko looked at him with a raised eyebrow. How did this man already know about the Inquisition? Well, okay, knowing about the Inquisition was not that hard since they were the only ones that seemed to care about bringing peace to this world. But the people…unless you had directly had a letter from Josephine or had been in the Inquisition, there was no way of knowing her by name.

“The Herald had more important business to attend to in Val Royeaux,” Haruko　then said. “I’m sure you are very aware of the state of things since the Breach was created.”

“You would readily assume that?” the Iron Bull asked. Haruko paused for a moment. Her mouth started to curl into a knowing smirk and she tilted her head at him.

“I thought you would have known about the giant hole in the sky. It’s not that hard to see to be honest,” Haruko replied. “No one else knows our Ambassador by name. Not, of course, without having dealt with her directly or been in the Inquisition.”

“Oh did I let that slip?”

This man was amusing to say the least. Varric was one that liked to hide things behind sarcastic words and wit. The Iron Bull just seemed to play with words without having the tone of sarcasm. On the surface, his tone seemed genuine.

“I’m sure you can talk things out with the Herald when he gets back from his mission in Val Royeaux,” Haruko said. She wanted to shift her weight, to move, but her body already was protesting. Her left side seemed to regain its feeling, and the adrenaline was starting to go away. What was left was this new sensation of pain.

“I think we can discuss everything back at Haven,” the Iron Bull finished. Haruko nodded and gave a sigh. Her lovely steed had walked up to her and stood at the ready. He did not seem to be too injured. If anything he looked exhausted and irritated about being out in this rain. Haruko gave a glance up at the skies and frowned. It did not look like the rain was going to stop any time soon. She looked back and gave a small sigh.

“Oh…ah…sorry about attacking you earlier,” Haruko said to the Iron Bull. She did not need to attack him before and an apology was needed.

“Nah, it’s alright,” The Iron Bull said. “It was out of self-defense.”

Haruko only wished it was out of self-defense. It might have been, on the outside, but on the inside it was a lash out reaction because of her past. The abuses that she survived. The people that hurt her. That one attack was something that could have possibly ended badly had the Iron Bull not been able to protect himself.

~

Haruko stopped sharpening her sword as she delved deeper into her thoughts. Those memories, old wounds, things that she did not think she would revisit while she was here in this different world…they were starting to resurface regardless of how long she had spent trying to get away from it. How long would it be before she would truly heal from that time? It had been four years since she had escaped, but how much had she truly healed?

_I shouldn't think about it too much_ Haruko thought to herself. She shook her head to free herself from such weighted thoughts.

“Does that mean no?” a voice asked. Haruko blinked and looked confused. Was she speaking with someone and just happened to space it? She turned to see who spoke to her. It was Krem. He was still here, probably thought that he was in a conversation with her. 

“Oh, no, sorry,” Haruko apologized. She was rather embarrassed that she would have dived so far into her own thoughts to have ignored someone completely. “What was your question?”

“Haha, Boss said you’d be thinking too much if you were left to just sit around all day,” Krem said with a laugh. Haruko pouted and brushed her rather long hair out of her face. She’d thought about cutting it, at least to get rid of the bright red that was evidentially not her natural color. 

“So was your real intent to give me something to do or to really give thanks for saving your sorry ass?” Haruko asked with an annoyed smile on her face. That Iron Bull could read everyone like a friggin comic book with realistic details. No matter what Haruko did, that man could figure out exactly how she felt or what she was intent on doing. It was rather annoying at times.

“Both,” Krem said. “Actually, the thanks was my idea, Chief wanted to help you out a bit. That big lug.”

“Ha! When you put it that way, he sounds like a big softy rather than an Iron Bull,” Haruko commented with a laugh.

“He’s nicer than he looks,” Krem commented. “And he cares more.”

“Probably a little more than he should,” Haruko then said as she leaned the flat of her blade on the empty space beside her. 

“Probably,” Krem agreed. “But then again, he genuinely wants to help out. That’s half the reason the Chargers follow him, if they weren’t just a little on the crazy side.”

“I think we all have a little crazy in us,” Haruko replied with a sigh. “Half the shit going on around us is crazy…too crazy to believe sometimes.”

“True, with all that’s going around it’s hard to believe that there are demons coming out of that hole in the sky and a civil war happening on the ground,” Krem continued to converse.

“Some days I wonder if this is all a dream,” Haruko breathed in a hushed whisper.

“You’re not from here either?” Krem asked. Haruko looked over at him and looked conflicted. Most people who knew about their tale were already in the Inquisition. If she tried to explain her situation to more people, who would believe her?

“Uh, no…I’m not from here,” Haruko answered simply. “Not from Thedas.”

“Not from Thedas?”

There was confusion in his voice that matched his look. Haruko looked over at him and then sighed.

“It’s a little complicated to explain,” Haruko then said. She then explained what happened to her to Krem. Everything that she could explain, anyway. It was a long tale, and Krem was patient enough to listen to it.

“Wow, so you and your friend Maeve were what, summoned?” Krem asked. Haruko gave a half shrug.

“As far as I know, that might be the case,” she said. It was the best guess. “Maeve is trying to figure out a way back…if there is a way back. So far, we are the only ones with this sort of strange predicament.”

Krem gave a nod and then silence fell between them. There didn't seem to be any hints or leads that would point Haruko and Maeve in the direction of returning home. At this point, Haruko would want to see this resolved and then maybe return home. If there was a way to send a letter home, or something small to prove that Maeve and Haruko were okay, Haruko would feel better. But as of late, there was nothing to suggest that even that could be accomplished.

“I should probably get back to the Chargers,” Krem then said. “It was nice talking with you, Wolf. And thanks for the story.”

Haruko gave a small pout. Many people had started to call her by that name. She’d already a nickname, she didn't need a nickname for her nickname. Now that would just be confusing.

“I don't understand why people call me that,” Haruko muttered.

“Have you seen the way you fight?” a voice asked with a surprised tone. “You should see your glare too.”

Haruko looked to her right, away from where Krem had left, and saw Finn standing there. She scowled at him and even crossed her arms.

“Well I cannot physically see my own glare…and glaring into a mirror would just be stupid,” Haruko said in response. Finn gave a little laugh.

“You’re also very loyal to your friends, so much so that you would break your orders from time to time,” he said with a grin on his face.

“I…well yes,” Haruko was going to defend herself but ended up agreeing. Finn still had that stupid grin on his face and Haruko scowled at him. 

“Well, it is good to see you’re actually following orders for once,” a familiar sarcastic voice said.

“Commander,” Finn stepped back in slight salute. Cullen nodded in response while Haruko still had that scowl on her face.

“You see this is exactly why you aren’t a general,” Cullen joked. Finn excused himself and disappeared into the crowd of training soldiers. Haruko watched after him before looking back up at the Commander.

“How are your wounds?” he asked. He was very aware that Haruko was not resting, not officially, and had set her own healing back a week or so. She had the inability to sit still while the others around her were working. It was only because he had ordered her to rest and everyone else to not give her work that Haruko was able to allow her wounds to heal. The most worrying one was at her side, which she had ripped the stitches twice by accident.

“Well, fine for today,” Haruko said. “I didn't tear open my wounds so that’s something.”

“That’s only because I have ordered you to rest,” Cullen mentioned with a chuckle. “If you had been more careful perhaps you wouldn't have been hurt so severely.”

“Hey! I got the job done,” Haruko defended. “You did not instruct me on how to get said job done so I did it my way.”

“Maybe I shall instruct you next time you go out on a mission?” Cullen suggested. “Or perhaps instruct your soldiers not to listen to you when you go and do something reckless again.”

That was a low blow. No one else could disobey orders, regardless if she was the only one doing so. This was a case of “Do as I say, not as I do.”

“I already got chewed out by Maeve thank you,” Haruko said with a light glare. The Commander did not need to continually remind her of her faults, nor of the fact that she had a listening problem. 

“Good, you got a taste of your own medicine,” Cullen said with that familiar ‘look’ of ‘maybe you should listen to me more often.’

“Ha! If you haven’t figured out by now how stubborn I am,” Haruko started.

“If only you hadn’t made it so obvious,” Cullen said. “Which is why I have made your current orders as strict as they are.”

Haruko pouted. Yes, she had brought this on herself, but there was no need to make it so strict. There were still things that she could do to help, even if she was not able to do all of her assigned duties. Why not do something in inventory or walk notes back and forth? Messages? Was it too much to ask for just the slightest bit of a task so as not to feel so useless?

“Is that all you came over here to do? To mock me for not following orders?” Haruko asked.

“No, the intent was to check in on a fellow soldier’s health,” the Commander replied. He glanced down at the clipboard looking thing he’d carry around. It was where he had all of his notes, his orders, and anything else that was brought to him for the army. Haruko could have sworn that that was all he read, or even looked at during the day. He’d even read while walking to his destinations.

“You keep looking down at those reports and you are bound to walk into something,” Haruko teased.

“I think I have master the art of not looking up while I am walking,” Cullen said with a joking smile. 

“HA! And I’m the queen of England,” Haruko said with disbelief. Her last sentence was quiet enough for Cullen to have missed it. Otherwise, she’d have to give a small geography lesson and that was not her strongest subject.

“Did you say something?” he asked. Haruko looked in disbelief as the Commander looked up from his notes.

“I said you are working too hard,” Haruko said bluntly.

“I think you are hardly in a position to scold me,” Cullen then replied. Haruko was the one to sit up and then gesture to her entire body.

“I’m sitting aren’t I? The point I was trying to make is that everyone needs a break, _even_ if they don't want to,” Haruko explained even as Cullen looked at her with an accusatory look. “When have you actually looked away from that clipboard?”

“Aren’t I looking at you now?” he asked. Haruko scowled. For all the respect that their Commander had, he could be a real ass at times. 

“You have any free time tonight? After all your duties are done?” she then asked.

“I have too much to worry- “

“It wasn't a request,” Haruko interrupted. Cullen looked shocked. No one, not even the lowest soldier had ever spoken to him in this way. Haruko was the first person to ever challenge him and his orders. If it were not for the fact that she had done more than prove her prowess in battle and her surprising ability to learn quickly, he’d have punished her for speaking out of turn. 

“Are you…are you actually ordering me?” Cullen asked for clarification. He even turned to fully look at her. Her look was determined, unwavering even in the face of someone who was clearly higher in rank. It was her that closed her eyes and sighed heavy before looking back at him.

“At the end of the day, you are Cullen Rutherford and I am Haruko Ruskin,” Haruko then said. What were you without the title? Without rank? This was one of the principles that Haruko thought was very important. People were people. If there was anything that Sera, Maeve’s new friend, and her agreed on it was this.

“We are people. People need a rest every now and then. And as far as I have been able to observe, you have yet to sit your own ass down in a chair and take a breather,” she continued to explain. Most days, her words were more descriptive and gentle. However, there were other times that Haruko was very blunt and obvious. The change was usually how important a subject was. Cullen couldn't help but sigh. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation. No one had ever been so bold enough to demand that he take a break. No one of lower rank had ever had the courage enough to tell him this either. That was something that he admired. Haruko, regardless of what life currently threw at her, always thought of others before herself.

“Come on, you’ll thank me later,” Haruko encouraged. “Plus, think of it as an apology for being an asshole most of the time.”

If anything Haruko was just an ass from time to time. On top of not listening to orders when it came to taking care of herself. Other than that she was a decent enough soldier in not very opinionated.

“Alright,” Cullen finally agreed. There was no arguing with Haruko when she insisted like this. He watched as a big grin started to spread across her face. She seemed genuinely excited that he had accepted her offer, as though she was prepared for him to refuse one last time.

“Great! Once the sun’s down meet me at the stables,” Haruko said with enthusiasm. “And don't worry, if you forget I’ll come get you.”

Dear Maker what had he gotten himself into?

~

Night soon fell upon Haven. The people had all returned to their houses for rest and recuperation. Haruko had not returned to her home, not because she did not want to return home, but because she had made plans. The Commander was going to get some sort of a break, something that was different that the normal going home to a warm bed. Something to break the usual routine, to refresh the mind without completely tiring it out. That was Haruko’s intention. It was as a thank you gift, as well as an apology. She had been thinking lately, that she had not properly given thanks for Commander Cullen allowing her to become a soldier, to teach her how to fight and so on. She had also been thinking that she might be insufferable with her stubborn nature and her inability to completely follow orders.

Yakul was already saddled up. He stood lazily beside his rider as she worked the straps to Commander Cullen’s horse. The horse’s name was Urajak. He was all black except for the one star on his forehead and then a small sock on his left rear leg. He stood calmly, at the ready, like any good warhorse. But Haruko was no stable master, and certainly was no Fereldan or native to Thedas. Somehow, Haruko thought that maybe Urajak would have been more of a handful, but given the fact that Commander Cullen needed a reliable steed that was an unlikely possibility.

“Ready for a midnight ride, Urajak?” Haruko asked. The horse didn't respond much. There was a slight swish of his tail in the night. Urajak wasn't one for conversation but he was very happy to have someone groom him or pet him; a complete match for the Commander who was a little opposite. The horse seemed to be willing to let anyone else tack him up, however as soon as Haruko gave him some sort of affection he was very happy to have her there. 

“Let's go get your rider,” Haruko whispered as she patted the horse on the neck. She took up Urajak’s reins and then mounted Yakul. Her leg still stung from the arrow wound as she lifted herself up into the saddle. She sat down harder than intended and Yakul grunted in surprise. He danced a little before he stopped and waited for his rider. Haruko gritted her teeth through the pain. It still hurt to bear weight, and even more so to bend at the waist for anything. Hopefully she did not tear her stitches. 

“Alright boys, let’s go,” she murmured through her own pain. Yakul started a slowly walking pace. He didn't need to be directed; the Red Hart knew already what his rider had intended to do. Even so, Haruko was light in her direction. It wasn't a far walk to the training grounds, not from the stables at least. The Commander had not made his way to the stables, as he had promised, nor was he at the front gates and Haruko thought he might be at this time. She gave a light sigh. That man would surely die from overworking if it was allowed. The last place you’d find the Commander would have to be at his desk near the training area.

Sure enough, Cullen was looking down at his table. The only source of light was a tiny candle. He was so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn't notice that Haruko had rode up with Urajak in tow. Haruko was quiet, said nothing as Yakul calmly walked up to the Commander. How was it that he could not hear the hoof steps of these big creatures? Yakul was the one to break his concentration with a short snort. Haruko couldn't help but giggle as she witnessed the Commander jump out of his skin with fright.

“Maker’s breath!” the he swore.

“Forget something Commander?” Haruko asked. She still tried to get her fit of giggles under control but it was just too difficult to do so. Not when Cullen’s face was just so priceless.

“For the sake of Andraste, don’t do that again!” Cullen demanded. His face was slightly red with embarrassment. Haruko had a huge satisfied smirk on her face.

“Maybe when you remember next time,” she teased ever so lightly. Cullen had to sigh with light frustration. No one had ever treated him like a normal person, or without some sort of military title. The only other person that every treated him in this sort of capacity was his family before he joined the Templar Order.

“Well?” Haruko insisted. Cullen looked to see that his horse had already been saddled. Haruko was already mounted and ready to travel to Maker knows where. Again he sighed.

_I don’t even know why I am doing this._ He thought to himself. He walked over and retrieved Urajak’s reins from Haruko before putting his foot in the stirrup and lifting himself up. Haruko watched with minor surprise. Even with all of his armour on he was still able to get into the saddle with little trouble.

“Where to?” he asked. Haruko had to look away in fear that it might look as though she was staring.

“You’ll see,” Haruko said, being cryptic again. Yakul had turned from Haven, facing into the wilderness that was just a few strides away. She gave a light tap with her heels and urged Yakul forward. He stretched out his legs into a walk, then a soft trot, then into a full out canter. It was a relaxed pace, one that Cullen was able to catch up with.

“Maker’s breath,” he whispered as he watched Haruko’s figure slowly get ahead of him in pace. “This is not what I had in mind!”

All he could see was her turn and grin at him with that mischievous look. Haruko only got that look when she was trying to be smart or funny. However, he worried that if she pushed herself too hard that this night would only end with her back in healer’s hut, getting her stitches taken care of once again. With that in mind, Cullen urged Urajak to catch up with them. However, Urajak was not exactly built for rocky terrain. Yakul was agile enough to jump over rocks, and even ride on hills with ease. Urajak slowed down out of fear for hurting himself, or perhaps because he was unable to ride that same path. 

Haruko was just out of conversation range and she did that on purpose. She wanted to give some reason to make Cullen follow her. Even if it meant she had to sacrifice a bit of her healing to do so. She headed up a hill and had to stand up in her stirrups just so that the horn of the saddle was not jamming her in the gut. Yakul grunted with the effort to climb. It didn’t take long to get up on top of the hill. It was a still night, save for the occasional sort or pant from Yakul and Haruko’s own efforts to catch her breath. She could hear Cullen in the distance, spurring Urajak forward and up the hill. He rode up the crest of the hill, his face full of agitation. 

“So help me if you tore your stitches,” Cullen started to scold Haruko. She gave him a smile and ignored his words. What he was unaware of was the reason she brought him here.

“Do me a favor and look up,” Haruko requested. Cullen looked confused, if not completely shocked. 

“Why would you?” Cullen stopped his question before looking more irritated. “Don’t change the subject.”

Haruko said nothing. She sat there patiently, which was odd even for her. Cullen found himself opening his mouth only to close it. Words had escaped him. In defeat, he sighed before looking up as she had asked. What was there to see? The stars were out, just as they normally were. Today was particularly clear and thus the brightness and abundance of the stars was more than usual.

“In my world, I live in a place where you can’t see the stars like this,” Haruko then said softly. “You could barely make out ten of them if you really tried.”

Cullen was surprised by that statement. He looked down, back at Haruko who was still looking up at the stars. It was strange to see her enjoying something so simple as the night sky.

“But the first night that I was here…I saw the stars out so clearly and beautifully like the ones out tonight…” she continued. There was a sad look about her. Cullen wasn't sure what to say in that moment. There was a silence that fell between them and all Cullen could do was look back up at the sky. If he took the time to look, there was a beauty to behold in the night sky. It lit up the ground around them in a soft night light. Even the moon seemed to glow with a soft illumination. Truly, it was something that Cullen never thought he would find himself doing.

“You’re looking down all the time, and sometimes that makes you miss simple things like this,” Haruko then said. To her, this was something that she had never seen before. Not only were the stars out but trails of the galaxy’s clouds painting the sky in pretty colors. The stars made the dark sky turn into a shimmering sea of white and dark blue with the clouds of the galaxies adding to the mix of colors. This was something that no one in her world would be able to see and it was breath taking.

“…It is very beautiful,” Cullen said once he had figured out what to say. “I suppose I should thank you.”

Haruko gave a snort.

“If anything I should be the one thanking you for not continuing to yell at me,” she retorted sarcastically. Cullen’s chuckle echoed in the silence around them. At least her humor would hide the pain of her homesickness. She wished she could show this to her father this beautiful night. He would get lost in the beauty of nature as she did.

“Perhaps I can give the scolding a rest for tonight,” The Commander then said in a joking tone.

“Aw, don’t ruin it,” Haruko groaned. She might have complained about it, but it made her smile. Humor was the best cure for any sadness. After a time, they headed back to Haven, slowly this time. Cullen was not going to allow Haruko to run her way back to the stable, no matter how much she tried to egg him into a competition. Haruko was very aware that he was too worried about her wounds. So instead of a race back, they conversed for a time. They talked about mundane things. Mostly it was a cultural exchange between Thedas and Earth. Haruko tried to steer clear of the military differences. It would be hard to explain what a gun was to someone that did not know what it was…and part of her did not want to give that information to an already war torn world. It was a long enough conversation to speed them on their way back the Haven’s stables.

“I want to thank you sincerely,” Cullen said once they were in front of the doors.

“For scaring the life out of you and stealing you from your work?” Haruko joked. Cullen wanted to make a comment but gave her a satisfied half scowl.

“No, for taking me from my work and taking my mind off of my work,” he replied. Haruko gave a small smile in return.

“That was the plan. Everyone deserves a break every now and then,” she said. “Even if it’s something small.”

“Maybe you should listen to yourself every once in a while?” Cullen chuckled. Haruko could only open her mouth before she would close it. There had been more than one person to say those exact words to her. She watched him dismount was led Urajak away. Haruko was left to try and dismount without much pain. She gave a sigh and cursed her own caring nature. Why did she have to care so much for someone else but not take care of herself?

“Over did it on the ride?” Cullen asked. Haruko looked over to see that Cullen had turned back to look at her. She gave a little sheepish grin.

“What can I say? Go big or go home,” she replied with a dramatic shrug. Haruko could hear Cullen sigh in exasperation. Haruko laughed a little before testing out her left leg. It stung and complained with sharp pains. She gave her own sigh of exasperation. In this condition, Haruko’s leg would have given out under the weight.

“Here,” Cullen’s voice was definitely a lot closer than before. Haruko glanced to her left and saw that Cullen was standing there with his hand outstretched. Part of her was too embarrassed to accept his help.

“It’s fine, I’ll just…” Haruko started to say before her words failed her.

“I don't want to have to order you,” he then said. His face was a request, not an order. Genuinely was not going to order her to take his help, which would defeat the purpose of offering in the first place. 

“…Fine…” Haruko finally said. She took his hand and twisted as much as her torso would allow. Her stitches did not make it easy. Cullen moved closer so that Haruko could brace herself on his shoulders. She gritted her teeth against the pain and swung her right foot back over Yakul’s saddle. Her left leg immediately gave into the excruciating pain. However, Cullen was there, bracing for her dismount. He made sure that Haruko did not fall flat on her face. Instead, they were uncomfortably close to each other. 

Haruko and Cullen were practically embracing each other at this point. The closeness was awkward and Haruko could not help but feel a heat burn her cheeks. Cullen was definitely an attractive man for sure. Being this close didn't help matters, considering Haruko had never once had a boyfriend or even a slight crush. Romance was not something Haruko thought she could afford. The silence didn't help matters either. It just seemed to intensify the awkwardness of the interaction.

“Um…you, you can put me down,” Haruko said softly. She averted her eyes because she knew that there was a blush on her face.

“Right,” Cullen muttered. They stepped back from each other and made no effort for eye contact. It was almost like they were avoiding each other like embarrassed school children. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck nervously while Haruko looked away and twisted her sleeve nervously. The situation wasn't fixing itself so Haruko decided to go and untack Yakul and be done with the night. It seemed to work because Cullen did the same for Urajak. They bid each other good night with a light wave. Cullen had offered to walk her home but Haruko was extremely adamant about going alone. She wasn't sure how much more embarrassment she could handle.

Instead she chose to suffer in silence and limp all the way home. Once she got to her door, Haruko opened it and used the walls to take the weight off of her leg. Hopefully she was not being too loud. Maeve might have been asleep in bed. Haruko hopped around, and gave a soft groan of pain as she made her way to the table, clumsily. Instead of walking to it she ended up bumping it. She hissed with surprise and pain.

“Huh?” Haruko looked at the table and saw a bit of parchment that was resting on it. She picked it up and looked at the writing on it. 

“At the tavern,” Haruko read out loud. “Oh Maeve.”

At least Haruko did not have to worry about being quiet anymore.


	10. In War, Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko is on the road to recovery, and Maeve has spent her time training. Now it is the young spy's turn to go out on an official mission all on her own. What sort of troubles await her in the hills of the Hinterlands?

Maeve woke up in a bed, tangled up in someone’s longer limps. They wrapped around her, draped across her, and over all surrounded her. A smile stretched across her face as the memory of last night came back. Sera was already rough and rowdy outside of the bedroom and that just made the experience more enjoyable. It was nice to finally feel something good after all of the bad that had been thrown her way the last few days. Sera seemed more than happy to oblige. Maeve gave a content sigh as she attempted to shift. Sera was not making it any easier by tightening her arms around Maeve. For what it was worth, Maeve would have given anything to lay in bed all day but she had other duties to take care of. This time, she was asked to go into the Hinterlands. Hal explained that she was to go find someone that was rumored to be a Grey Warden. This mission was her first mission out on her own, without Haruko or Hal to guide her. In all honesty Maeve was excited about the prospect of going out on her own. This was another chance to prove her abilities.

“Sera…Seeeeeera…” Maeve said with a small sing-songy voice. The elf muttered in her sleep and didn't move much more. “I got to go Seeeeera.”

When the elf didn’t move, Maeve moved Sera’s arms out of the way. It was hard to detangle herself from Sera, since Sera was so much taller. 

“We’ll do this another time,” Maeve whispered softly. She then gave Sera one last kiss on the elf’s forehead before she left the tavern. The sun was already in the sky and it was a new day, exciting day. She put a hand up over her eyes to block out the bright sunlight.

“Oh Good Morning Maeve,” Haruko said from behind. Maeve turned to see her best friend up and walking. However, Haruko looked rather pale and in pain.

“Mornin!” Maeve replied. Haruko blinked in reaction. Maeve was unusually peppy today especially when it was still a little early in the morning.

“Awfully cheerful today?” Haruko commented. They turned to walk together but Haruko was slowed by her noticeably heavier limp.

“Yes! I get to have my own mission today,” Maeve explained with the same enthusiasm. Thank goodness she wasn't yelling at Haruko for once.

“Oh and I spent the night with Sera too,” Maeve then added.

“I know,” Haruko said with her usual look. She was very aware of who lived in the Tavern and who Maeve enjoyed to spend her company with. That was no secret.

“Hahaha,” Maeve laughed while Haruko rolled her eyes. “Soo, where were you, last night?”

“I finally got the Commander to take a break,” Haruko explained before her face froze with horror. “Not like that.”

“Haha! Suuuuuuuuure,” Maeve said. “Good job with the Commander. I knew you liked him.”

“It’s not like that!” Haruko insisted but knew it was no use. Maeve would constantly tease and tease her about this, even if she so much as looked in Cullen’s direction. Haruko’s face was completely red with embarrassment and she looked away from her friend.

“Uh huh,” Maeve said, extremely accusatory. Haruko sighed heavily and merely followed Maeve. That was a difficult task since Haruko’s leg was still recovering from the ride last night. Maeve didn't notice at first, and continued to walk forward at a regular pace. That is, until she was aware that Haruko was struggling behind her.

“Alright, what did you do?” she asked her friend. Haruko shrugged.

“I don't know what you’re talking about,” Haruko said as though she were oblivious to what Maeve meant. Maeve scowled lightly at her friend and pointed down at Haruko’s injured leg.

“You are having trouble walking. What did you do?” Maeve asked. Now she had her motherly tone and Haruko couldn’t exactly refuse to answer.

“I went on a ride last night. I got too excited for a chance to do something normal and probably rode Yakul a little harder than I should have,” Haruko explained. As she did so, she rubbed her leg lightly and made a painful expression on her face. Maeve just shook her head. What was she going to do with her reckless friend?

“You’ve already been to the healer’s?” she asked.

Haruko shook her head. Maeve about threw her hands in the air in frustration. Her friend never wanted to get anything treated no matter how serious it was. It was like she was allergic to seeing a doctor.

“Look you!” Maeve was ready to scold her friend but Haruko gave a wave to someone in the distance. 

“Morning Herald,” Haruko said over her friend. Thank goodness it was actually the Herald. Maeve would have yelled at her, and quite frankly, Haruko was tired of getting that. She knew her limits more than anyone else did. Besides, it was well worth the night that she had, however embarrassing. The Herald seemed to be busy with other people but he did look up. Once he saw Haruko waving at him, he smiled and gave a slight wave in return. He then said a few more things to the people he was speaking with before he walking towards Haruko and Maeve.

“Morning Haruko, Maeve. How are you this morning?” he asked. His face looked exhausted.

“Fine,” Haruko answered. She could feel Maeve’s unrepentant glare on her. There was no way Haruko was going to look at her friend, not when she was using Hal as a shield to her scolding. Maeve would simply scold her later.

“Completely amazing,” Maeve finally replied. Hal laughed. He’d seen Maeve’s glowers at Haruko and sensed that there might have been some sort of argument. Judging by Haruko’s pale face, and her lean on her good leg, he would have to guess that it had something to do with her injuries. It would not be the first time that Haruko had been chewed out for her reckless behavior, and certainly would not be the last.

“Excited for your first mission I see?” Hal asked Maeve. 

“If only that were true,” Haruko said with a sarcastic tone. 

“Oh, you, I just had a fun night,” Maeve said with a laugh. Haruko rolled her eyes. Hal looked at them with a confused look. Haruko was not willing to say what happened, it wasn't that she disapproved of Maeve’s choices, Haruko did not like to speak about such things out in public so…bluntly. Most of the time she hid behind double entendres and innuendos that would only suggest what had happened. It took Hal a considerably long time to figure out what they had implied before he shook his head. 

“Anyway, Maeve I took the liberty of assigning Bull and Sera to your party as you go look for the Grey Warden, Blackwall,” Hal explained as he walked with them. He gave her a map. There was a spot marked on it to where they were to travel and set up camp. This would allow them to have a better vantage point on the east side of the Hinterlands. Haruko only half listened to Hal’s instructions. She was too busy concentrating on walking normally without a limp.

“Haruko, you’re still healing, so you hang back for now,” Hal ordered. Haruko looked over at him with a disapproving scowl. 

“As if that limp suggests you are healed otherwise,” Hal continued.

“Oh not you too,” Haruko complained loudly. “I’ll just go back to the bench and keep it warm for the other soldiers. Might as well considering how cold it is out here.”

Haruko left the group in not so much a hurry. She took two steps before she turned around to say one last thing.

“I want some souvenirs!” She said to Maeve. Maeve couldn't help but chuckle a bit at that.

“Will do,” she replied with a light wave. Haruko nodded and turned to limp away. Maeve went with Hal to prepare for her trip into the Hinterlands.

~

It was a couple of days into their trip and Maeve was already feeling like this adventure was not as she thought it would be. They had been on horseback for three days and they had still not arrived at their destination. It had been fine what with all the fighting, the walking, and the death. Okay so it wasn't exactly the best trip that Maeve had been on so far. If they were in her world, she would at least have a car that would have taken them less than a day to get to this lake. Or perhaps a little more than a day, these hills were terrible at times and the rocks didn't help. The war with Templars and Mages also didn't help. Perhaps it was better to not think of such things. It was far better to play games to pass the time than linger on dark thoughts.

“I spy with my little eye,” Maeve said slowly as she looked out at the landscape.

“oh oh! A rock! It’s a rock init?” Sera guessed with enthusiasm. Maeve sighed heavily.

“Yes, a rock…” she replied. Though really, what else could she have picked? Trees, grass, and dirt were already guessed before. More than twice already.

“YES! HA HA!” Sera cheered. She loved to win.

“That’s only the fifteenth game you’ve won,” Bull said. “I’m starting to think that you’re just letting her win.”

“Maybe if there were more things to guess,” Maeve replied, a little snappish. “I’m sorry…that was a little rude.”

“Nah, it’s right. We have yet to get to the camp and travelling for so long can wear a person down,” Bull said. It sounded as though he had some experience in that matter. Then again, maybe he did, she just never asked him. They continued to ride to ride, only until the sun fell behind the mountains and darkened the road. It was not safe to travel at night, considering there was a war still going on as well as bandits willing to take advantage of the unwary. So they set up camp and started a fire for the night. Sera’s sleep schedule was rather odd, as was the rest of her habits, but this night she fell asleep rather early. That left the Iron Bull and Maeve to tend to the fire. It crackled loudly in the nightly silence.

“She fell asleep pretty quickly,” the Iron Bull commented with the tone of amusement. Maeve proceeded to giggle to herself. Had there been some time, she might have been the reason for Sera’s exhaustion.

“Yeah she did,” Maeve managed to get out between her giggling. The Iron Bull looked over at Maeve with a look of curiousity.

“Sounds like you might have something to do with it,” he guessed.

“Might?” Maeve added a note of challenge in her tone. “I _am_.”

That might not be inherently true. They had been riding for the last few days and that left for little opportunity for _other_ activities to occur.

“Oh?” the Iron Bull then said. There was that same look of curiousity. Only this time, Maeve could see The Iron Bull blatantly check her out. “A small woman such as yourself wore out that ball of energy?”

“I could show you if you like,” Maeve offered. She wasn't going to waste an opportunity if both parties were willing. Besides, she had been more than mildly curious as to the capabilities of the Iron Bull. He was rather impressive with everything. Muscles, height, sense of humor, everything seemed to work in his favor in terms of physical attractiveness. Maeve watched him chuckle regardless of how interested he seemed.

“I don't think you know what you’re getting into,” The Bull replied. He definitely was interested, or that’s the signal that Maeve was getting. He relaxed a little, as though to put himself on display just to torture her a little more. 

“Oh, I know _exactly_ what I am getting _onto_ ,” Maeve said. It was she who got up and closed the space between them. She sat down next to him. After, she leaned against him. With her being as tiny as she was in comparison to his taller stature, she could only manage to rest against his leg. The Iron Bull watched with that same curious look that seemed to intensify as soon as Maeve was being physically suggestive. He waited until she looked up at him before he made his move. With a strong arm, the Iron Bull lifted Maeve with ease and placed her gently on his lap. Her knees couldn't even touch the ground to properly straddle his wide hips. Maeve could only gasp in surprise. She looked at his face to see a devilish grin start to form. It was infectious, and her own grin appeared on her face. The thing was, Maeve was not prepared for roughness. 

The Iron Bull didn't waste time in showing her what he meant. He kissed her roughly, a strong hand behind Maeve’s head as he did so. His lips ambitious, his tongue equally as forceful as it was demanding. There was nothing she could do; she was completely at the mercy of his passions. It was only when her lungs seemed to burn that he pulled away from her. That left her gasping for air and completely dumbstruck with shock.

“Last chance,” The Iron Bull whispered against her lips.

“Just don't wake Sera,” Maeve replied breathlessly. It sounded like the Iron Bull gave a sound of affirmation and only proceeded to kiss her senselessly. There were moments when Maeve could feel her clothes peel from her skin and felt the slight breeze of the cold night air. The Iron Bull was in complete control. Distracting her with demanding kisses, pinning her arms behind her back and tying them in place. He pulled away for her long enough to move them to a bed roll. The things he did made her want to scream, to cry out with pleasure, but he kept her quieted with his own mouth. Even so, Maeve completely forgot about Sera, and anything else in that moment except for how good it felt.

~

The morning light spilled over the landscape, just over the mountain peaks. It left nothing untouched and covered a small bedroll with a blonde woman completely unconscious. She scrunched her eyes in protest to the light and wiggled her way so that her bedroll covered her face. Maeve was not ready to wake up, not ready to get up. There was a high possibility that she would not be ready for the next few days. But the morning was very persistent and the nature was not going to wait for her to get up. The birds were loud and the wind was bracing. Being completely naked underneath her bedroll did not help with Maeve’s warmth problem.

_Fine, fine_ she thought to herself and she opened her eyes. Sera was still asleep, as she usually was in the morning. But more importantly, where was the Iron Bull? Maeve looked around a little to see him, completely dressed. He was taking care of the horses, preparing for the rest of their travel. Maeve glanced down to see her clothes close at hand. No doubt the Iron Bull took care of that too. A small smile appeared on her face and she took care to get dressed in her clothes without being completely exposed to the cold. It was a struggle since her body was sore in places she never thought would ever be sore. Just the thought put a smile on her face. It was an adventure that she would not readily forget. Finally, Maeve made it out of her bed roll and dressed in her light armour. Once that was done she took care of her bedroll and walked over to her horse.

“How you feeling?” The Iron Bull asked. Maeve looked over at him and gave a wide grin.

“I think I should be asking you that,” Maeve joked back. He kept laugher low. Sera was still asleep, and had not made any move to wake.

“I’ll take that as you enjoyed yourself,” the Iron Bull said as he helped Maeve place her bedroll on her horse. It was amusing to see her struggle so much when he knew exactly why.

“If it weren’t for the mission I’d say I was ready for round 2,” she said suggestively. The Iron Bull turned to her and gave her a teasing lean.

“Save it for when we are back in Haven,” he whispered lightly. Maeve pouted dramatically. Why couldn't she just get what she wanted?

“Hey Sera, it’s time to get moving,” the Iron Bull announced loudly. Maeve could hear Sera groan in protest. “You hear me?”

“Oh shutit you big tit,” Sera mumbled angrily. She was not one for following orders much. It was Sera’s nature to do as she pleased. Once everyone was ready they mounted their horses and traveled further down their path. They had to walk around a steep portion of the trail, to find a small foot path that lead up to the spot where they could set up camp. Not far behind was a group of Cullen’s soldiers. 

_Guess we were to meet up._ Maeve thought to herself. They saluted to them and then she directed where the soldiers were to set up camp. After that, Maeve’s group left their horses to travel the rest of the way up the hill by foot. The house where they were to find this Warden Blackwall. There was something strange going on with the Grey Wardens. They had disappeared off of the face of Thedas which was strange. Apparently, Grey Wardens were needed in order to stop Blights, to kill darkspawn and rid this world of something nasty. Maeve had not seen one of these “darkspawn” and it sounded like she didn't want to ever. 

Warden Blackwall was only a rumor that they were chasing after. It seemed to look like he was the only one that had not completely disappeared from Ferelden. But that was it, just a rumor. There was no guarantee to say that this man was even going to be there. Maeve gave a small sigh as they walking up the crest of the hill. Sera and The Iron Bull probably took it as a sigh of exhaustion. Maeve had given quite a few as they were riding to this place.

“I think I see some men,” The Iron Bull said as he placed a hand over his eyes to block the sun. Maeve looked over and could only see light figures in the distance. It was too far to tell if they were actual people. Even at that, it was hard to tell if they were friendly or not. So instead of trying to guess, they walked around the lake. When they got closer, they did see that they were men. There was one man, who was facing the group. He was giving an inspirational speech. His walk suggested this was not new to him as it commanded attention. His face was lined with what Maeve thought might have been age, or perhaps it was stress. The Grey Wardens’ life was not an easy one. He had brown hair that was near black if the light hit it just right. It was combed back but long enough to drape to his neck. On his face was a full beard that was the same color as his hair. There was also a mustache that blended well into said beard. Maeve was slightly surprised to see him, and considering that she had just had a round last night, thought she might be immune to feeling attracted to another person.

“Thinkin' old beardface is him,” Sera commented. Maeve looked at her with a confused look before realizing what the elf meant. She meant that “beardface” was Blackwall. As was her duty, Maeve took a step forward. 

“Blackwall?” She announced herself formally as her nerves would let her. “Are you Warden Blackwall?”

The man stopped talking and looked at to who addressed him. The others looked too, curious as to who it might be. The leader of the bunch seemed to be surprised and also very irritated that someone was here.

“How do you know my name? Who sent you?” the man asked no demanded. He marched toward her, just as commanding as before. Instinctively, Maeve took an instinctive step backward. She might have been training to fight, but she was still not used to others being so aggressive. He was standing in front of her before she could get an answer out. Maeve opened her mouth to speak but the man quickly thrust his shield in front of her. She flinched because she thought he was going to strike her. In actuality, he saved her from an arrow. There was a shout, a war cry followed by others.

“That’s it!” The man snapped angrily. “Help or get out! We’re dealing with these idiots first.”

The Iron Bull drew his heavy hammer and charged forward. The “idiots” were frightened that a Qunari was there to help out. It was enough of a shock to give the others a chance to bear down on them and gain a slight advantage. Sera and Maeve took the rear and volleyed arrows. The others were having their own trouble fighting. It was almost like they had never really held a sword before. The man, who might be Blackwall, was the most experienced out of all of them and slew any opponent that charged him. It was a quick battle and nearly felt completely one-sided.

“……Sorry bastards…” the man muttered. He was knelt beside one of the dead. Maeve looked at him, confused. Was this not habitual here in Thedas? There was a moment of silence, maybe to dedicate to the fallen, before he stood up. He then looked over to the other men that fought with them.

“Good work, conscripts, even if this shouldn't have happened. They could’ve…” he paused for a moment. “Well, thieves are made, not born. Take back what they stole. Go back to your families. You saved yourselves.”

_Conscripts?_ Maeve thought to herself. So they weren’t soldiers to begin with. The men and women that had fought before nodded and quickly went over to the bandits to take back anything they could. Maeve watched them as they disappeared out of sight.

“You’re no farmer, why do you know my name?” the man finally said to Maeve. She looked over to him. His eyes were sharp, piercing.

“I came here to represent the Inquisition, and to get some information,” Maeve explained as politely as she could. It was hard to not falter under such a gaze. “We are here to investigate the disappearances of the Grey Wardens and maybe if they might have something to do with the Divine’s murder.”

“Maker’s balls,” the man, Blackwall, swore angrily. “Wardens and the Divine? They can’t-no you’re asking so you don't really know.”

He paced back and forth. It was apparent that he was not happy that his organization was under scrutiny.

“First off, I didn't know they disappeared. But we do that right? No more Blight, job’s done, Wardens are the first things forgotten,” he said with a sad look about him. “But there is one thing I will tell you, no Warden killed the Divine. Our purpose isn’t political.”

“I’m not here to say who did or didn't kill the Divine,” Maeve said. It was a small attempt to at least calm Blackwall down. “I’m just here to gather information, that’s all.”

It seemed to do the trick since he visibly seemed to relax. He shifted his weight a little.

“Do you know what happened to the rest of the Wardens?” Maeve then asked.

“I haven’t seen any Wardens for months,” Blackwall answered. “I travel alone, recruiting. Not much interest because the Archdemon is a decade dead, and no need to conscript because there is no Blight coming.”

Well that was not what Maeve was expecting. But then again, there was no actual Blight, not that anyone was able to report on any way. The Fifth Blight had ended with the Hero of Ferelden. Maeve gave a sigh since there was nothing more than they already knew. So much for this journey out here.

“Sorry to have taken your time then, Blackwall,” Maeve said politely. “But if you find anything please let us know. The Inquisition.”

Maeve turned and nodded to the Iron Bull and Sera. They were going to return to the Inquisition with nothing more to give.

“…Inquisition Agent, hold a moment,” Blackwall called to them. Maeve turned to see Blackwall approach them quickly.

“The Divine’s dead, the sky is torn. Events like these, thinking we’re absent is almost as bad as thinking we were involved,” he said with conviction.

“…We didn't come here to say that the Wardens were at fault,” Maeve reminded gently.

“I know, but I hear that the Inquisition is trying to make things right,” Blackwall continued. “If you are, maybe you need a Warden. Maybe you need me.”

“We’d be happy to have anyone able to help out,” Maeve said enthusiastically. That was two people she was able to bring to the Inquisition. But it was not Haven that they were to return to. Hal had sent orders to Maeve to set up a camp on the eastern side of the Hinterlands. At least having a new travelling companion made the ride more interesting.

“Something’s funny about you,” the Iron Bull said to Blackwall.

“Oh?” Blackwall responded. Maeve wasn't sure what Bull was going on about but it was good to see them getting along apparently. Or at least it was nice that there was some sort of conversation going on.

“Yeah, you talk about Grey Wardens and honor and sacrifice and griffons, but you’re still not convinced,” the Iron Bull stated. What did that mean? Maeve glanced back at the two.

“Still not convinced?” Blackwall sounded a little confused. He even gave the Iron Bull an incredulous look. 

“You know what I mean,” the Iron Bull said firmly. What was it that Iron Bull knew that no one else did?

“And you know this because?” Blackwall asked. But his voice did not have a confused tone. There was a note of challenge. Maeve was just confused with all of it.

“I’m a people person,” Bull said with a different tone. This was an insinuating tone. Maeve rolled her eyes. Blackwall was a nice person, or at least what she knew about him. It didn't help that he slightly reminded her of her boyfriend back in her world. Tall square like build and a face full of hair. The only thing that really separated them was the voice and perhaps the fact that Blackwall wielded a sword. The thought of her previous life started to make her feel homesick.

“Hey, hey, Maeve, let’s play another game of I spy,” Sera said enthusiastically beside her. The horses danced a little since Sera was so forceful. Maeve had to regain her balance slightly.

“You always win at that,” The Iron Bull complained loudly.

“I know that’s why I want to play!” Sera said with no shame and a smile on her face. 

“We’re almost there Sera, I don't think-“ Maeve started to explain herself but was interrupted by the sound of a roar, or what she thought was a roar. She froze and looked up into the sky to see something big flying through the air. Another roar made the horses side step with nervousness.

“A dragon!” the Iron Bull yelled out with excitement. 

“Dragon?!” Maeve repeated. Her fear disappeared and was replaced with curiosity. Dragons didn't exist in her world and to actually see one; living breathing dragon was a little kid’s dream. But then the thought of actually meeting one up close and personal was not so great an idea. If they were truly real, then they were more than capable of killing Maeve and her entire party.

“Don’t tell me you have never seen a dragon before,” The Iron Bull exclaimed in disbelief.

“No, well…in books or movies maybe not they don't exist in my world,” Maeve explained quickly. “…Let’s go follow it.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” the Iron Bull said. The both of them commanded their horses to ride on at a gallop. 

“Wait!” Blackwall shouted at them. But it was in vein.

“What are you doing you bunch of idiots?!” Sera shouted. Even she knew when not to pull a dragon’s tail. The Iron Bull and Maeve rode into a small cavern like area before dismounting. They did not want to risk the dragon seeing them. They walked through smaller cavern and kept close to the wall. In the distance, they saw the dragon land. The ground shook ever so slightly, or perhaps it trembled with the terrible might of the dragon. Which meant that if they were right next to it they probably would have been knocked to the ground with the force.

“Look at it! Just look at it!” the Iron Bull shouted in excitement. He looked about as excited as a little kid. “Can we fight it?! Please say we can go and fight it!”

“I wouldn't want to fight that!” Maeve said in utter refusal. “It’s too beautiful!”

“Right now would be the worst idea,” Blackwall said from behind them. Maeve jumped out of her skin. “We don't have the best equipment and right now the Breach in the sky is more important.”

The Iron Bull was too focused on the dragon to give a damn. It seemed like it was taking all of his self-control to not go meet the dragon head on in battle.

“Damn, that thing would squish us flat,” Sera said, unable to say much more.

“Let’s just set up the camp then,” Maeve suggested. There had to be some sort of compromise. “I’m sure the dragon will still be here when we come back next time.”

The Iron Bull looked a little disappointed. However, Maeve did have a point. If this was the dragon’s roost, there was no way it was going to move on any time soon. As long as there was a decent enough of a food source that is. As for Maeve, she was happy that she was not going to fight that giant dragon. She was terrified of it killing all of them. At the same time, she was excited. Maeve had seen something that only existed in story books. She had something to take back to Haruko, something that she had never done before. 

“I wonder how long it would be if I went and fight it now,” The Iron Bull wondered out loud.

“Bull, no,” Maeve warned with a grin. “If you’re good, I might reward you later.”

“Oooooh? I’ll get to fight it?” Bull asked. Maeve gave him a look and then shook her head. This was a man that enjoyed fighting, messing with people, and apparently fighting dragons. But he also acted like a giant child. Sometimes Maeve wondered if he was just one track minded. 

“Oh…well…what did…” He asked. It only took him looking away from the dragon and down at Maeve to figure out what she meant.

“Meet up back in Haven.”


	11. The Future That Never Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Blackwall added to their team, Maeve and Haruko are now asked to assist the Inquisitor in asking the Mages for their aid. Sadly, their adventures turns into a wild dance with danger as they weave their way through a Tevinter web. Yet again a portal opens up and Haruko and Maeve are separated from each other in what could only be described as the worst possible world that Haruko would ever witness.

Maeve and her crew returned to have, tired. They had done so much, seen many things, and yet Maeve was still excited about one thing. She’d seen her very first dragon and she definitely wanted to tell Haruko about it. Not only that but she made a promise to The Iron Bull that if he was good, he would get a reward from her. Both of them knew that meant a very busy night. Sharing adventures with great friends was always a good thing.

“Ah, good to see you're still alive and in one piece,” Hal said. Maeve looked to see Hal standing at the front gates. Her tiredness was washed away by the inevitable wave of excitement.

“I saw a dragon!” Maeve exclaimed, unable to contain herself.

“A dragon?” Hal replied with a mix of surprise and then worry. “Where?”

“Near the camp you ordered us to set up,” she explained. “I’m sure that if we don’t bother it, it will leave us alone.”

“I hope you are right. The last thing we need is a giant dragon on a rampage,” Hal said with a nervous chuckle. Maeve laughed and gave her report on the situation. She even introduced Blackwall to the Herald. Hal and Blackwall started to converse about the matter of disappearing Grey Wardens. It didn’t seem like they needed her to be around, so Maeve thought it would be best to go find Haruko. There was no need to return to their hut, even if she desired to just lay down and rest, since Haruko never stayed there during the day. Maeve was very aware of her friend’s habits by now, and knew that her friend would be training. Hopefully Haruko had healed up enough before she started swinging her sword once more.

Sure enough, Maeve saw Haruko at her usual bench. It was strange to see her so relaxed in her seat, if she ever sat down at all. No, Maeve was expecting to see Haruko out there, beating up some of the newer recruits or maybe getting herself beat up by one of the veterans. Haruko sat in the sun, her arms were crossed and her head was lulled back against the wall. It almost appeared that she was sleeping. Maeve walked up closer and could see that was the case.

“I should warn you this is the first time that she’s rested in a while,” a voice came from behind her. Maeve thought she might cry out with fright. Instead, she jumped and looked to see who would have snuck up on her. It was the Commander, amused at her frightened reaction.

“That’s not funny,” Maeve said angrily.

“Forgive me. It was not my intention to scare you, I thought you had heard me walk up,” the Commander replied. Maeve sighed heavily. Sure, there was a slight possibility that she did not hear the Commander. Maeve was not at her best, and was rather tired from her return trip back from the Hinterlands. Even so, it still did not help that he laughed about her reaction. Maeve looked back to Haruko and sighed one more time.

“She’s been having a rough time sleeping again?” Maeve asked. When Cullen didn't respond right away she looked to him. He gave a bit of a nod before his attention was turned elsewhere.

“What, exactly, was that? If your opponent had been serious, that attack would have taken more than just your arm,” he snapped at one of his soldiers. Maeve rolled her eyes. He was always busy with his job. It was admirable that he was so focused on improving the army of the Inquisition, but sometimes he was irritating to talk to. The Commander was not one to be taken away from his work easily. How Haruko dealt with it she would never know. Maeve looked back to her friend, now in a rather strange dilemma.

Should she wake up Haruko or leave her to sleep? It was a wonder as to how Haruko could sleep with all this noise around her. However, if one was tired enough, they’d sleep anywhere. From what little the Commander had said, Haruko might have had a rough time sleeping. It wouldn’t be the first time that she was struggling to sleep, so perhaps it was better to let her rest. It was not going to last long. Some of the soldiers were becoming more enthusiastic with their training. Their swords clashed and the sound echoed loudly. Maeve scowled angrily at the bunch and heard Haruko groan in protest.

“God damnit,” she muttered under her breath. Haruko rubbed her face a little and blinked to gather her bearings. It took a minute, but she remembered where she was. There was a person standing in front of her though. Maeve.

“Oh…Welcome back,” Haruko said with a bit of grogginess. “How was it? Your first mission?”

“It was great!” Maeve said. Haruko looked too sleepy so maybe it was best to keep her story short. “I got Blackwall on our team AND I saw a dragon!”

“A dragon?!” Haruko exclaimed in surprise. She sat up and looked at her with interest and curiousity. “But those don't exist.”

“They exist here,” Maeve said excitedly. She sat down next to her friend with happiness. It was great to finally be back home, well, back at Haven. Even if her adventure was exciting and interesting, she did miss her best friend. Maeve looked to Haruko to say something, but noticed that she was wearing her armour once again. The blonde frowned with disapproval.

“When you’re all better, we’ll go out…Why are you in full armor?” Maeve asked. She knew the answer, or anticipated the answer she was going to get from Haruko. There was a grin that widened on her friend’s face. Maeve had a sneaking suspicion that Haruko might be breaking rules…again.

“The healer said I needed to get well ASAP. So after a week while you were out, I got some recovery potions and healing spells cast to make me good as new again,” Haruko explained with enthusiasm. “They even helped with my sight too.”

Maeve did notice that Haruko was without her glasses. Most of their potions that helped with this were merely temporary. Most of the mages explained that it was because they were not of Thedas and thus took to their magics differently. At least that was what they theorized.

“Maybe I could get the same spell or potion?” Maeve asked. Glasses themselves were irritating enough. Maeve, herself, needed to see a great distance in order to wield her bow and do her job.

“Definitely,” Haruko said with a nod. “You're probably just as tired as I am. Come on, I’ll walk you back.”

Maeve was well aware that Haruko would not give up on that. So she accepted the offer and walked with Haruko back to their little home. This was a great opportunity to catch up with one another, just for the moment. There was always time at the end of the day, when they were both not so busy, to catch up.

One week later, Haven was ablaze with activity. Hal had decided that it would be better to appeal to the Mages in Redcliffe first before speaking with the Templars. Both Haruko and Maeve agreed that would be the best course of action, though their opinion did not matter much. They were only soldiers, but Hal was willing to listen to them if he asked for their thoughts. Haruko thought it would be best to seek out people who knew of magic and could potentially control it. She also pointed out that if the Breach was magical, caused by magic, then the only people that could properly seal the Breach would be fellow mages. Maeve thought the same, but also added that they had openly offered their help in Val Royeaux. That information was only gathered when Maeve looked through some older reports. 

But there was something strange about that offer. Apparently there was a Magister by the name of Alexius who conveniently appeared before the Inquisition got to Redcliffe and offered help to the Mages. This happened just before Hal was able to get to Redcliffe. What made it weirder was the fact that the Grand Enchanter did not remember meeting in Val Royeaux. Hal was very certain that it was the Grand Enchanter that spoke with him. These circumstances were most curious.

Magister Alexius had extended an invitation to the Inquisition, requested Hal by name, and set the scene for a trap. Magisters were from the Imperium, a country far north of Ferelden. They held terrible laws in regards to slavery. People being bought and sold for money and servitude was a sickening idea. Both Haruko and Maeve hated that idea, didn’t like dealing with someone like that. But that was apparent to most people who lived in Ferelden. They also disliked that idea, thought it was just as disgusting. But that alone would not stop the slavers that still plagued their lands. That fact did not stop Hal’s decision.

Hal had decided that he was to be the distraction. There was a tunnel that would allow Leliana’s agents to sneak in and gain the upper hand without a complete siege on Redcliffe Castle. Hal was not going in alone though. He suggested that Haruko, The Iron Bull, and Cassandra would accompany him as his personal bodyguards. Haruko thought this was great honor considering how inexperienced she was.

_You don’t give yourself enough credit._ Hal had said to her. _You’ve proven yourself capable in the short amount of time you have been here._

Meanwhile, Maeve was to go in with Leliana’s agents. They might have been in on the same mission but they would have to travel separately. There was no need to let the Magister gain word of this surprise attack. If he did get wind, then it might turn into something far more bloody than they intended it to be. And so they travelled, Haruko with Hal and his party and Maeve with Leliana’s agents. Both were worried and nervous about this, but determined to see it through to the end.

When the castle came into view, Haruko’s jaw dropped in awe. It really was like a castle in their world, made from stone and loamed over with a defensive presence. She’d seen castles before, ruins from a time that had long past that housed echoes of history. If there was any time after this affair, Haruko hoped that she might gain a book or two about this place and study up on it. But now was not the time, not when they were willingly walking into a live trap. Haruko dismounted when they got into the town and looked around nervously.

“If you keep doing that, someone is bound to know something is up,” the Iron Bull commented to her quietly.

“I know that,” Haruko replied softly. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. It helped a little, but her hands still shook. The time will come for action, but that would be later. They walked the rest of the way up to the castle gates. It was situated up a hill, a geographical advantage. 

_It really feels like I am in a story book_ she thought as she watched the iron gates rise up. There were barely any guards posted around the keep, and few servants that whispered in hushed voices. There was an air of oppression that Haruko didn’t like. A sense of dread and desperation that she had not felt in a very long time. She swallowed hard and clenched her fists tight. Whatever was going on here would end soon. The Herald would make sure of that. At least that was Haruko’s hope.

The interior was just as impressive as the exterior. Various tapestries hung from the wall with the Redcliffe crest. It was a white shield, with a single tall castle tower that sat on top of a red hill. Perhaps that is why it got its name, or perhaps there was a geographic reason…if not those reasons then there might have been a darker story to this place. It would explain such a despairing air. Haruko walked with them, up to the stairs that would lead up to the main hall where the throne sat. But they were stopped by a servant.

“The Magister’s invitation was for Master Trevelyan alone, the rest will wait here,” he addressed the Herald with pompous air. Haruko could feel her teeth gritting. She never liked people talking down to others, it was rude and disrespectful.

“Where I go, they go,” Hal said with a finality in his tone. Haruko’s lips twitched into a small triumphant smirk. The servant looked displeased. Displeased enough to stand there for a moment. When Hal did not back down, the servant stepped away to let them pass. They walked up the staircase, followed by what looked like mages. They were loaming, establishing a dominance of their area. Haruko hated that. She hated have anyone behind her.

“Easy,” the Iron Bull whispered to her. Haruko shot a look at him and gave a small nod. The Iron Bull personally knew her fear. He’d made a habit of walking beside her instead of behind her since they had met. Haruko was grateful for that, especially when anyone else behind her made her nervous and anxious. She could feel the Iron Bull take a half a step back to put a slightly physical barrier between the people who were behind her and herself. 

“My Lord Magister, the agents of the Inquisition have arrived,” the servant announced. Haruko’s attention snapped forward.

“My friend, it’s so good to see you again,” the Magister said with fake politeness. Everything about this man made Haruko’s skin crawl. The tone and mannerisms screamed _snake_. He got up from the thrown and opened his arms up in mocked welcome. The hair on the back of Haruko’s neck started to prickle in warning.

“And of course your associates,” he continued. His tone seemed to be irritated, curt, when addressing the rest of them. Haruko gritted her teeth to keep herself from saying something unpleasant.

“I’m sure we can come some arrangement that is equitable to all parties,” Alexius continued to speak with that fake air.

“Yeah if it doesn't suit you, you’ll just kill us,” Haruko muttered under her breath. Cassandra gave her a warning glance but Haruko merely ignored it. There was only so much fake and pretending that she could take.

“Are we Mages to have no voice in deciding our fate?” an elf said. She was in blue robes with short brown hair. She looked frustrated, angry that she was not to be a part of this discussion.

“Fiona, you would not have turned your followers over to my care if you did not trust me with their lives,” the Magister said simply. Haruko made a move to go forward but the Iron Bull’s hand gripped her shoulder. It was a firm grip, but gentle. Haruko couldn't take her eyes off this scene. Every fiber of her being screamed to intervene, to but a stop to this abuse. It was in her nature to do so, and it was hard to refuse such an ingrain moral. 

“Let the boss handle it,” the Iron Bull whispered softly for only the two of them to hear. Every muscle in Haruko’s body was tensed with anger and frustration and the struggle to keep herself planted. The Iron Bull had a point, they were here on a mission and a very important one. But how far was the Herald willing to continue this act?

“If the Grand Enchanter wants to be a part of these talks, I happily invite her as a guest of the Inquisition,” Hal said confidently. Haruko visibly relaxed, but only slight. She should place a little more faith in the only one that could possibly close the rifts that the Breach had created. A frown appeared on the Magister’s face in disapproval. However, even he could see that the Inquisitor was not to be moved from that decision and spoke nothing more of it. Instead, he turned and walked a few paces back to the throne before he sat down. Even with his disapproval, he still looked smug.

“This Inquisition needs Mages, and I have them,” he said. This Magister thought he was in complete and total control. Haruko could feel herself clenching her fists tightly once again. “What shall you offer in exchange?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Hal said. Haruko’s jaw dropped.

“What?!” the Magister laughed since there was nothing else to do in this situation.

“He knows everything, Father,” the man in yellow said. He had the same robes on as the rest of the people here, but the patterns on his clothes were nearly similar to Alexius’. His head was completely shaved, and he looked as though he was ill.

“Felix…what have you done?” the Magister said with desperation. It was hard to read the entire emotion that played on Alexius’ face. There was a mix of anger, surprise, and perhaps it was fear. There was a hint of desperation in his tone that suggested that there was some ulterior motive. 

“Do not blame him,” Hal said calmly. “He does this out of concern that you are a part of something terrible.”

“So speaks the thief!” the Magister spat. “Do you think you can turn my own son against me?”

He stood up and walked a few paces in anger.

“You walk into my stronghold with your stolen mark, a gift that you don't even understand, and you think you’re in control?” he snarled. “You’re nothing but a mistake.”

“What do you know of the Divine’s death,” Hal demanded. The question seemed to be out of the blue. True it was strange that Alexius knew of Hal’s mark and called it a gift, but how could that have been connect to the murder of the Divine? Most of the people in Thedas had at least heard the ridiculous rumors of the Herald’s story and of his unique ability.

“It was the Elder One’s moment, and you were unworthy to stand in his presence,” he explained. What? What Elder One? What was Alexius prattling on about? 

“Father!” Felix interrupted. “Listen to yourself! Do you know what you sound like?!” 

“He sounds exactly like the villainous cliché everyone expects us to be,” a voice came from behind a pillar. Haruko could only feel the hilt of her sword reach her hand. Why is it every time someone knew arrived they had to be behind them? Cassandra put out a hand to stop Haruko from doing something rash. She also added a little glare but Haruko ignored that too. There was no way Haruko was going to settle down in this setting, not until it was over.

“Dorian…” the Magister said. Alexius did not look surprised at all. In fact, he looked as though he expected this man to appear. “I gave you a chance to be a part of this, and you turned me down. The Elder One has power you would not believe. He will raise the Imperium up from the ashes.”

“What kind of power?” Hal asked. “What could be better than turning back time?”

“He will make the world bow to Mages once more,” the Magister said. “We will rule from the Boeric Ocean to the frozen seas.”

This was crazy. All this talk was crazy. The idea was crazy. Why would anyone want to do this? Why would anyone want to sacrifice so many lives in order to rule the chaos that it would create? Haruko couldn't understand people like that. Sure, it might be slower to solve problems diplomatically and peacefully, but it was far better than killing people and sacrificing innocents.

“You can’t involve my people in this!” Fiona shouted. It was a desperate cry. 

“And what would that gain? You would only leave chaos in your wake! There would be nothing else for the Mages to rule!” Haruko shouted. She couldn't keep herself quiet any longer. She was short of making a decision to not help this man and take the rest of the Fereldan Mages away from this place.

“Alexius please!” Dorian pleaded. “This is exactly what you and I talked about _never_ wanting to happen! Why would you support this?”

There was a soft thud that echoed behind Haruko. With a short glance, she could see that the people guarding their exit were falling to the floor, dead. There was a light smile of triumph that touched Haruko’s face. The Magister was no longer in control of the situation, and he didn’t even know it.

“Stop this Father,” Felix continued to appeal for Alexius to stop. “Give up the Venetori. Let the southern Mages fight the Breach and let’s go home.”

“No….” Alexius said, his face determined. “It’s the only way, Felix, he can save you.”

“Save me?!” Felix asked, both confused and angry. What did Felix need saving from?

“There is a way,” Alexius said. “The Elder One promised, if I undo what happened at the temple…”

“I’m going to die,” Felix interrupted again. “You need to accept that.”

Felix seemed as though he had come to terms with whatever was going to kill him. If Haruko had a guess, it was an incurable disease that plagued him. A disease which end result was death.

“Seize them Venetori, the Elder One demands this man’s head,” Alexius commanded. It looked as though he did not care what his son had to say. He had made up his mind. However, the order fell on deaf ears. None of his mean were left standing. They lay on the ground while the Inquisition’s forces replaced them. Maeve peeked through the pillars, her bow in hand. She jogged up to Haruko and gave her a light tap on the shoulder.

“Hey Haruko,” Maeve whispered quietly. Haruko gave a nod to show that she had heard. There was no way she was going to take her eyes off the scene before her, not when they had yet to achieve total victory.

“Your men are dead, Alexius,” Hal said as he slowly approached the Magister.

“You… are a mistake! You never should have existed!” Alexius snarled. He didn’t seem to understand that he had lost, and that was dangerous. A man with nothing to lose was the most dangerous foe of all. Alexius took out what looked like an amulet that began to shine green.

“HAL!” Haruko shouted. Her feet started to move without permission. It seemed as though she was not running fast enough to grab the Herald out of the way of danger.

“NO!” Dorian shouted and tried to counter whatever the amulet was doing. He struck his staff up in a slashing motion and at the same time Haruko had gripped Hal’s arm to pull him away. A green vortex appeared before them and then the scene of Redcliffe hall was gone in a flash. The scene was replaced with water that came up to near Haruko’s hip and two guards that cried out in surprise.

“Blood of the Elder One,” one swore loudly.

“Where’d they come from?!” another asked. Haruko reached for her sword just as the soldiers charged into action. Hal fought at Haruko’s side with hard determination. They helped each other defeat the guards before they slowly looked around at their surroundings. There was water everywhere and strange red like crystal structured coming out of the walls. There was nothing to suggest that they were in the same place as before. Perhaps this is why mages were always feared and treated so harshly. If they could do this…then what else were they capable of doing? It wasn't a pleasant or easy thought to think about.

“Displacement…hmm interesting,” Dorian mused out loud. Haruko whipped around to look at the man. He had tan skin, and dark hair short hair. It seemed to be shaved on the sides and brushed over. By all accounts it looked well-kept given the circumstances. He also had a mustache that was equally as well kept. If there were any good points right now it was that he had good hygiene. He had an asymmetrical shirt on, robe, whatever it was. His left had no sleeve while his right was stuffed neatly into arm guards. Must have felt strange to have nothing to separate armour from skin. There were complicated buckles that held them in place. He had a satchel on his hip and less complicated pants. His shoes were underwater so it was harder to tell if they were also jut as complicated. 

“Where on God’s Green Earth are we?” Haruko asked, near demanded.

“This is probably not what Alexius intended,” Dorian explained confidently. “The rift must have moved us…to what? The closest confluence of arcane energy?”

“The last thing I remember,” Hal thought out loud. “We were in the castle hall.”

“Let’s see…If we were still in the castle…it isn’t…” Dorian was busy thinking. “Oh! Of course! It’s not where it’s when.”

“What are you on about?” Haruko said, now thoroughly confused. Closest confluence of arcane energy? It’s not where it’s when? Haruko prided herself in being a scholar but this was a little much. 

“Alexius used the amulet as a focus, to move us through time!” Dorian said enthusiastically. Why was Dorian so excited for? This was a terrible thing! If they had gone back in time, then what would happen to their present? If they went through to the future, then what happened in the time between when they were in Redcliffe to the future that they were in? 

“Moved us through time?” Hal asked. “Is that even possible?”

“Normally, I’d say no,” Dorian answered with the same irritating confidence. “Obviously Alexius has taken his research to exciting new heights. You’ve seen his temporal rifts before, this time we simply passed through one.”

Great! First Haruko and Maeve end up in a different land with no way on knowing if they could get back and now they were separated by a time space rift. Good! This day couldn't possibly get any worse.

“And you are excited about this?” Haruko asked incredulously.

“And you are not?” Dorian countered.

“Oh I’m completely excited,” Haruko said with heavy sarcasm. “I’m excited to get the hell out of here. I’m excited that I am separated from my best friend. I could jump for joy at the chance to have been place somewhere so far away that it could influence the present that we were in. If it wasn't that, then what the hell happened? Oh I cannot wait to find out!”

“At least you are entertaining the idea of what time we are,” Dorian commented.

“I’m not a complete idiot,” Haruko snapped. 

“Why don’t we all calm down,” Hal suggested. He even stepped in between Dorian and Haruko. Haruko didn’t look away at first. She was irritated that Dorian was happy, genuinely excited with this new discovery. It felt as though he did not see the severity of the situation at hand. That is what made Haruko angry. But now was not the time to lose their cool. Now was the time to be collected and move forward and try to figure out a way back.

“Let’s look around,” Dorian suggested casually. “See where the rift took us. Then we can figure out how to get back…if we can.”

“We will,” Haruko said defiantly. She was not willing to entertain the idea of not being able to get back.

“Certainly an optimistic one aren’t you,” the mage commented. Haruko looked at Dorian and then pointed at him.

“Look, you, I didn't get thrown through the Fade, save my friend, get beaten to a bloody pulp day in and out, ride a fucking magnificent Red Hart, and then get separated from my best friend just to give up and say ‘Well guys it’s been fun. Oh you wanted to get out of here, might as well give up its too damn hard,’” Haruko mocked a conversation with herself. “If we can get ourselves into trouble then we can get ourselves out.”

At least that shut the mage up. It wouldn't kill anyone to be optimistic and determined. Someone had to be if they were going to get out of here alive.

“How did you end up with us anyway,” Hal asked with a confused look to Haruko. She looked down at the ground to think about what happened to get her to this point.

“I can’t really explain it...I saw the green amulet and my legs just moved to get you out of danger,” Haruko explained. Hal gave a nod.

“Good reflexes,” he said as he motioned to start walking. They walked up a small flight of stairs and down another short hall. Haruko breathed a sigh of irritation when she saw the huge set of stairs. This was going to be a rough climb. Dorian and Hal went on ahead while Haruko was losing steam in the back. Hal looked back at her and there was a grin that appeared on his face.

“No trouble with that knee of yours adventurer?” he said. Haruko glared up at him and he laughed. Haruko leapt up the stairs in sets of two to catch up. It seemed to surprise Hal enough and then Haruko gave him a hard punch on the arm.

“Ow!” he said as he dramatically pulled his arm away from her.

“You’ve been hanging out with Maeve too much,” Haruko scolded. She hated that joke. It was a weakness that she struggled daily in her new life as a soldier. But at least Hal was trying to make the best of a terrible situation. He was trying to make her laugh, or get some sort of humor out of this dark and otherwise scary situation. The more halls they walked through, the more horrific it seemed to get. It didn’t help that there were dead bodies everywhere. Outside the cells and inside the cells of this otherwise terrible dungeon. What was more was the red crystals were growing out of the dead people. It was a scary thought, and one that made Haruko give every red crystal a wide birth. 

“This castle gets marks for horror,” Haruko muttered as she passed another cell with a dead body in it. “All it needs is a scary monster and BAM were in the world of Amnesia.”

“I doubt we would lose our memories about this place,” Dorian retorted. Haruko gave a small sigh. These people didn't know anything about video games and thus they would not know about Amnesia the Dark Decent. Then again, most people in her own world didn't know this video game either.

“Amnesia The Dark Decent,” Haruko started to explain. “Is the full title of the story that I have read. The main character, Daniel, has lost all memory of who he is, and why he is in the middle of a castle. Within this castle there are unspeakable horrors. There are monsters…perhaps akin to the abominations that I have been informed of. And they hunt Daniel down mercilessly. Later he comes to find evidence of torture, first it was animals and then her found that humans were being tortured in unspeakable ways. He finds this through notes from other people that had been to the castle, the actual baron himself, and Daniel’s scattered notes or journal. The thing that is hunting Daniel is but a mystical thing eluded to as “The Shadow” which creates flesh like substances that cover the walls and pathways as these red crystals do. This “Shadow” comes from an orb that Daniel had discovered on a journey to some tomb. The orb itself was shattered into pieces but Daniel had succeeded in restoring it. But that orb is what housed “The Shadow.” The baron of the castle happened to be another one of these ethereal entities that had long since been banished to the mortal realm. He lied to Daniel, promising protection from “The Shadow” and ultimately banishing the angry spirit or deity from whence it came. Daniel knew nothing of this, not until it was too late. In the end he was the one that became to torture of so called “criminals” and brought the orb to the Baron.”

“But why torture these people? What does the Baron have to gain from it?” Dorian asked. Yes, he had interrupted Haruko’s story but at least he seemed genuinely interested in it.

“Apparently there is something that is produced, and energy called vitae, when a human or animal is subjected to torture. Of course this is all fictional,” Haruko added since there was no real evidence to suggest it. “And the Baron needed it to help release him from his mortal prison. He also came up with a potion that would make the tortured people forget everything. An “Amnesia” potion. Hence the name of the story. Daniel was perfectly willing to do this since he thought all the people in the dungeons were hardened criminals. However, one prisoner escaped, and it was a little girl…Daniel lost his faith and his will when he murdered the little girl.”

“I think anyone would have lost their sense of will if they murdered a child,” Hal was the one to interject.

“Yes…well…the Baron saw what toll this had on Daniel’s own will and fled to the deepest part of the castle in order to begin the ritual to escape his earthly body. He left Daniel as the sacrifice to “The Shadow.” Daniel, in turn, was angered by this and realized that he was tricked into doing something far more sinister. He wrote himself a note for his new self and then took the Amnesia potion so that he might atone for what he had done without the emotional trauma that would have surely consumed him.”

“Why on earth would you read such a story?” Hal then said. He seemed surprised that Haruko, a cheerful woman, would have even finished a story such as that. Haruko gave a slight shrug.

“It was set in a historical period,” she said. “And when it started to turn horrific I kept telling myself there had to be some sort of happy ending…which it sorta is…but as Varric always says, it’s never a good story unless the hero dies.” 

“Simply fascinating,” Dorian said enthusiastically. “Would this happen to be based of the magic from your country?”

That’s right, Dorian was unaware that Haruko was not from Thedas. She looked to Hal, who had stopped to look back at her.

“Where I come from,” Haruko started slowly. “There is no magic…only stories of magic.”

“No magic? That’s utterly ridiculous,” Dorian continued even though he was surprised. “Did you come from some small village where there were no mages? Completely cut off from the world?”

“You know, had I actually been from Thedas, I might be a little insulted by that,” Haruko said with a hint of sarcasm. “But no…I’m not from Ferelden. I’m not even from Thedas…”

“Not from Thedas? Is that a joke?” Dorian asked with all seriousness if that was possible from this new jokester. Haruko regarded Dorian for a moment. There was a thought, however faint, that she wanted to just slug the guy. For all the jokes and posturing that he had been doing so far, it was irrigating to have him ask if she was joking. He, after all, had been doing most of the joking so far. Perhaps she could continue her line of sarcasm.

“Yeah that was a funny one right?” Haruko then laughed and patted Hal on his shoulder and walked on. Hal was the one who stopped and watched as Haruko continue to walk on.

“You know…I don't think she’s joking,” Dorian said to Hal.

“That’s because she wasn't,” the Herald replied with a light glance to the newest mage of their group. He left Dorian slightly dumbfounded yet then replaced by curiousity. Before he could get a question out, Hal had walked on to try and catch up to Haruko. She seemed serious for what it was worth. There wasn't a moment that she wasn't serious, except when she had used so much sarcasm on her words that it dripped with it. Dorian had to walk a little faster to catch up and ask the one question that was on his mind.

“You were serious when you said you weren’t from Thedas,” he said as a statement. Haruko looked over at him with her blue eyes. There was a sadness and frustration in her look.

“But how?” Dorian then asked that one burning question.

“Why don’t you tell me magic boy,” Haruko said. The word “boy” seemed to rattle some sort of nerve and gave that confident look a shake.

“You can’t possibly tell me that your world doesn't have magic,” he then said.

“Look, the only magic that we have is fake, made up, and there are a lot of worlds that can be created through the power of words,” Haruko said shortly. “The only magic we have is science.”

“Absolutely fascinating,” Dorian then said. If Haruko could be a bird for that moment her feathers would have puffed out in obvious irritation.

_Not the time. Not the time_ Haruko had to repeat to herself. 

“Perhaps after we get out of here alive we can discuss your situation,” Dorian then said. That was…a surprise. Suddenly he seemed to remember the task at hand and move on from that point. Haruko looked at Hal in shock, but he did not look at her. After all, they were on a mission to find someone of this time and place and perhaps ask when they were. 

They walked further and further into what seemed like Alice’s rabbit hole. There was nothing but more dead bodies, red crystals, and dark hallways. The red crystals were named Red Lyrium. Hal had told her this while they were on their search. The only other information they had on the stuff was from Varric’s experience and she would have to ask him when they got back…if they got back. How could rock suddenly have the properties of a plant? Growing out of people and spreading throughout the castle. It was very…confusing. 

“If I have to climb more stairs…” Haruko muttered tiredly. Hal gave a chuckle.  
“At least they are going down,” he said. Haruko rolled her eyes. They walked into yet another dead end dungeon. There were four cells in the room, and yet more standing water.

“Wait…I think there is someone in there,” Hal said as he inspected the furthest one.

“You…alive?...how?” a faint voice spoke. It was small and sounded strange. Haruko approached the cell that furthest in. Within, there was a woman, an elf, propped up against the wall with Red Lyrium sprouting from her body.

“That’s the woman who leads the Mages in Redcliffe,” Haruko whispered in shock. But it quickly turned to pity because of her current state. 

“I saw you…disappear…into the rift…” the woman struggled to say. Haruko didn't like seeing her struggle so much to speak. It seemed hard enough just to stand there and breath. 

“How?...” Hal looked like he could not believe his eyes. “How is this Red Lyrium growing from you?”

“It’s like…a disease…” Fiona explained. “The longer you’re near it…eventually…you become this…and then they mine your corpse for more…”

“Can you tell us the date?” Dorian asked quickly. “It’s very important.”

“Harvestmere…9:42 dragon…” the woman managed to say slowly. First of all, Dorian could have at least given the lady some warning. Second, Haruko swore from this moment forth that she would learn the dates that this world had.

“Nine forty- _two_?! Then we missed an entire year!” Dorian exclaimed. It was the first time that the mage looked genuinely worried.

“We have to get out of here, go back in time,” Hal said urgently. “Somehow.”

“I agree,” Haruko said.

“Please” the woman begged. “Stop this from happening. Alexius…serves the Elder one…more powerful. Than the Maker…no one…challenges him and lives…”

“Don’t worry,” Hal said. “We’ll stop him. Whatever it takes.” 

Alexius must have some sort of key to get them back. If anything they could at least get the amulet that caused all of this. There had to be some sort of reversal, some sort of spell to put things back the way things were. If magic got them into this mess, then it was only through magic that they would get out.

They walked out of that dungeon with one last look back. The woman that was in the cell must have been in terrible pain. Whatever Red Lyrium was, disease or no, it was something to be extremely careful of. Even as they walked down to an adjacent dungeon, Haruko was sure to avoid being even an arm’s reach away.

“For she who trusts in the maker, fire is her water,” they heard a familiar voice chanting. It was near monotone, resigned. 

“Cassandra?” Hal questioned. He stopped and listened to the words closer before he darted into the dungeon.

“Cassandra it’s me! Hal!” he called into a cell. He gripped the bars tightly at the sight of the Seeker caged.

“You’ve returned?” Cassandra said. “Can it be? Andraste is giving us another chance?”

She looked up at them and the shock and hope that filled that woman’s face was immeasurable. Haruko couldn't help but feel the pain in her chest for Cassandra. She looked as though she was in pain, a worse pain than what the mage woman looked. There were no signs of the Red Lyrium growing from the Seeker but it was easy to tell that she as still affected. Her eyes held a faint reddish hue as opposed to her light brown eye color. The pain, the suffering…the thought of it all was bundling in Haruko’s chest and threatening to choke her.

“We’re not the dead returned to life Cassandra,” Hal said. He all but forced the door to the cell to open. “We’re going to confront Alexius and set things right.”

“Can you make it so none of this happened?” Cassandra asked. She seemed so full of doubt. It was very unlike the Seeker to be so…so…so disheartened.

“If we find Alexius’ amulet,” Haruko spoke up with a renewed determination.

“None of this will ever happen? Andraste please let that be true,” Cassandra prayed out loud. There was a desperation that Haruko was sure she would never hear from Cassandra. The Seeker was a strong woman, who lead by example and her own conviction. To see her reduced to this…it was a hard pill to swallow.

“Let’s hurry,” Hal said, now going down another hallway and playing the game of look through the doors and other cells. In another room there was the sound of someone singing 99 bottles of something. Haruko slowed down to try and pinpoint the direction of the song. It was hard since everything echoed off of the dungeon walls. 

“Why are you-“ Dorian asked before he saw Haruko’s hand up in the air. It stopped him from speaking too loudly. She closed her eyes and listened harder. Her head was cocked to one side so that her ears might hear everything. Hal watched her and then listened for himself. He also heard the small attempt to at a song and then looked at Haruko.

“You sure have sharp ears,” Hal commented softly.

“Only when it’s convenient,” Haruko said with a scowl. “You try having a conversation with me and I won’t hear a damned thing.”

They walked further, and heard the song getting louder. It was close and if Haruko had to judge, it might have been the Iron Bull singing. They walked down just a slight flight of stairs to yet another dungeon. The song ended with a frustrated growl and Haruko walked in confidently. In an adjacent cell, and only slightly out of view, the Iron Bull sat.

“Iron Bull?” Haruko asked as she walked to the bars of the cell. “Is that you?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” the Iron Bull said in exasperation. “The dead coming back to life? Now I’ve seen it all.”

“We’re not dead, you idiot,” Haruko said with a light scold. The lock on the doors was rough to get open. “We just got jumped forward in time. If we find Alexius, maybe kick his ass, and get his amulet we can all go home and none of this will ever happen.”

“Are you sure?” the Iron Bull asked. He didn’t look like he believed any of this.

“Dorian thinks so, and it’s the best option we’ve got so far,” Haruko said with a light motion to address Dorian. “It’s better than sitting on our asses all day.”

The Iron Bull looked to see Hal, Dorian, and then Cassandra. He looked back at Haruko and gave a small nod.

“You have that right,” the Iron Bull said. “I’ve got one last fight left in me, let’s make it count.”

Haruko nodded and gave a small grin. It took all of her strength not to weep for those here. They looked like they were pained, tired, and ready to give up at a moment’s notice. They deserved better than rotting in cells. They deserved a good life, just like anyone else. And yet this place…this future…it was something that Haruko did not want to see any more. There was a hand that patted her head in a rough pat that brought her back to the present situation. 

“Hey hey! I’m not a dog,” Haruko snapped and swatted at said hand. The Iron Bull gave a strained laugh.

“No, but you are one hell of a wolf,” the Iron Bull added with a light struggle to speak.

“I am a woman thank you very much,” Haruko corrected. The mood seemed to lighten in their playful moments. Whatever it took to ease their pain, their worry, their sorrow; Haruko was willing to joke in the meantime. However time was slowly trickling away from them and they would have to return to their current quest. In doing so, they walked through more corridors and hallways, still seeing more cells. One in particular had a mad man just humming to himself. He said words that made no sense. His mind was not his own, gone. Haruko wore a pained expression as Hal tried to get information from the poor guy. 

_There is nothing we can do can we?_ The woman thought to herself. Hal decided that it was futile and any information from the man was nothing more than crazy talk. They walked further down the dungeon hallway and up to another set of dungeons. At least they were out of the basement and in to where some light peaked through. Haruko looked up to see it was only cracks in the ceiling that allowed some of the light to spill forth. 

“Haruko….is that you?” a weak voice echoed softly.

_That voice…_ Haruko thought as she slowly looked back down. To her right, there was a huge cell that had a giant Red Lyrium crystal growing within it. Actually it was a cluster of crystals that sprouted forth. The giant one in the center was starting to pierce through the ceiling and caused the crack in the ceiling. But that was not what Haruko saw within said cell. At the bottom of it all, lying on her stomach, was her best friend. Maeve was nearly engulfed in the Red Lyrium and that image gave Haruko a set of mixed emotions.

“Good to see you…again…” Maeve’s faint voice came from that cell. Haruko could see a weak smile on Maeve’s face as she struggled to look up at her. Horror ran through Haruko’s body and yet froze her muscles in place.

“Maeve?” Haruko breathed in disbelief. Reality was starting to sink in after she whispered her friend’s name. Maeve was stuck in there, dying, in pain. Haruko had to get her out. She rushed to the cell door and struggled with its lock.

“Maeve! Hold on! I’ll get you out!” Haruko half shouted. She tried and tried but the door remained firm and closed. Desperation was sinking in and Haruko did not know what to do.

“It’s okay…Haruko…I know…I’m going…to die…” Maeve said softly. Her voice was so weak. Even as she spoke, Maeve’s head was starting to lay back down on the floor to rest. Haruko feared that if Maeve did that, she would never wake.

“No you’re not!” Haruko shouted. Her hands grabbed the bars loudly and suddenly that it spooked Maeve. At least her friend was still looking at her, still breathing. Tears stung Haruko’s eyes as she watched her friend slowly give up on living.

“Don't you dare think like that, you’ll live! We’ll get out of here, and get back to Haven! We can all laugh about this later,” Haruko tried desperately to keep her friend awake enough to get the bars open and to free her friend from this pain. However, deep within Haruko’s heart she knew that Maeve was not going to last long, not in that condition. Her mind argued differently.

“Thanks…for being…a…good…friend…Haruko…” Maeve said softly. Her body stilled, and there was no rise from her chest. There was no sign of breath, nothing to suggest that life still was within Maeve’s body. Haruko stood there in disbelief for a moment, unable to grasp what happened.

“NO! Maeve!” Haruko then shouted and pounded the bars. Maybe the sound would stir the life back into her body.

“Maeve! You still have to get back home! You have your boyfriend waiting for you! You can’t die here! No!...you can’t…” Haruko struggled with what happened. Her knees gave out slowly and she sunk to the ground. Tears flowed freely, carving light streams down her cheeks. Maeve was in that cell for God knows how long and Haruko could do nothing. She did nothing. Maeve died, and for what? Haruko closed her eyes tightly, just as tightly as she gripped the bars that separated Maeve’s body from Haruko. Her head pressed against the bars as she let her tears continue to flow. This sadness was crippling, crushing. This was a sorrow that she had never felt before.

“This doesn’t have to be,” Dorian reminded. “If we get to Alexius, get his amulet, we might get out of here and none of this has to happen.”

It should have been Haruko in there. It should have been her! She was the one that signed up for this kind of stuff not Maeve! Maeve wanted to do intelligence, spy work, not get caught up in something like this and die with no one to remember her!

“This isn’t really real,” Dorian reminded when Haruko did not react to his previous statement.

“And what do I do with these memories?!” Haruko snapped. Her grip on the bars only seemed to tighten. Her knuckles were already turning white. She couldn't look back at them, couldn't let them see the tears they already knew she shed. Why did this have to happen to Maeve? What did she do to deserve this?! Haruko couldn't understand it, couldn't comprehend it. She tried to regain herself, to gather enough courage to continue forth only to have that will break with the memory of her friend’s death. She felt a gentle hand place itself on her right shoulder.

“We can stop this from happening,” Hal’s voice said quietly. “If we remain here, nothing will change. We would fail when we are needed the most.”

Haruko opened her eyes to see the cold stone floor beneath her and the iron bars that pierced through. Hal’s words run with truth. They needed to keep going if they were going to prevent this from ever happening. It did not take the sting away, the sorrow. Haruko slowly rose from her place and tried to wipe never ending tears from her face. No matter what, she had to keep going with them, had to help them stop this mad world from ever being created. If that mean figuring out the spell that brought them here, then that is what it took. If it took fighting through the flames of hell and back, Haruko would do so. No one should have to suffer as the Iron Bull, Cassandra, and Maeve had suffered.

Haruko said nothing the rest of the exploration. She walked in silence even as everyone else talked. If this was something that wasn't to be there was no point in dwelling in it. There was no point in trying to make conversation…and yet her heart still ached for Maeve.

_Thanks…for being…a…good…friend…Haruko…_ Maeve’s words echoed in her head. Each time tears returned. She’d wipe them clean and shy away from anyone’s attempt to comfort her. She didn't need comfort now, she needed answers and to fix this mess. Comfort could come later… thus allowing her sense of compassion for the enemy to dry up. Each new Venetori that met her blade met their end. Haruko did not think twice when her blade met flesh. Emotionally, she was too numb to feel anything. The more they walked, the more Haruko distanced herself.

They continued to climb more sets of stairs and open doors to evidence of more horror. People being tortured for God knows what and left to die. If not, perhaps they would have been sent to the dungeons below to turn into the Red Lyrium they desired so much. Down the hall they could hear a live torture occurring. Hal and the rest of them rushed to stop it and found Leliana was the one they had tortured. The Herald helped her down from her shackles and Leliana warned them of the events that lead them to this point. An assassination within Orlais that threw the country into chaos and a demon army that was gathered unlike any other. These things had led to the destruction of Thedas and the current state of the world.

_It just gives us more reason to stop it_ Haruko thought to herself. They followed Leliana as she led them through the dungeons and to a more open room. It looked as though it might have been a show hall, a place to meet important people. Now it was nothing but ruins teaming with Venetori and demons. They fought their way through, destroying anyone that would stand in their way.

“What’s this?” Dorian asked as he picked up a red gem of sorts. Haruko watched on this time instead of speaking out.

“This door is going to need some sort of key,” the Iron Bull called from far away. “There are five slots. Maybe Alexius gave it to people he trusted in order to bring him food and water.”

“Perhaps it is this,” Dorian said and handed it to Hal. “If we gather four more of them, the door will open.”

“Then let’s search for the remaining four,” Cassandra said. Haruko waited for everyone else to walk on but only one person remained back. The Herald.

“Are you…do you need a moment?” Hal asked quietly. The others were far enough away to not hear their words.

“Hal…if this isn’t really real…then why is it I cannot stop mourning the loss of a friend?” Haruko asked in barely a whisper. If she spoke louder, her own tears would return a new and the will she barely had would have been broken.

“Because for now, it is real,” Hal said. “I do not understand it fully myself, but for now this is reality. Until we get the amulet back and Dorian reverses the spell, this is _real_.”

Haruko looked at him with that realization in mind. It was because this was real. It was not some fake image that was conjured in her head. What was happening to the Iron Bull, Cassandra, Leliana…what happened to Maeve…it would remain unless they got that amulet. Haruko gave a small nod and followed Hal into the servants’ quarters. More Venetori were willing to throw themselves to their blades and soon they had enough special keys to open the door. They returned and placed the red keys within their slots. Dorian had to add a spell to make the massive stone doors open to reveal those inside. Alexius stood at the throne with his son, Felix. There was something wrong with the lad but that did not matter. Not to Haruko.

“Give us the amulet Alexius!” Haruko ordered angrily. Just the sight of the man was enough to bring her emotions back anew. The raw sadness, the anger, everything in that one moment she had with Maeve before she perished. Her sword was in her hand and a blade pointed at the guilty mage.

“Haruko,” Hal warned.

“I’ve had enough!” Haruko shouted at Hal regardless. “I’ve had enough of this! I don’t want my friends suffering! I don’t what Maeve dead! That bastard as the only thing that can return things back to before all of this!”

“Haruko!” Hal snapped. Haruko looked at him with a glare and he shook his head. He stood tall and unmoving. Haruko had some pause but would not, could not back down from this. They stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. The only give was the small nod from Hal and Haruko’s look away from the Herald. They both wanted the same thing. Haruko’s sword dropped to her side. She didn't see that Leliana had killed Felix, that Alexius had lost everything and had turned into the most dangerous kind of man, one with nothing left to lose. They fought the Magister and against the demons that he summoned. Hal was the one to deliver the final blow while Haruko executed another terror demon. Haruko stood in the wake of their kill and the dead bodies that surrounded them. That was all this world was. Nothing but death and destruction.

“…” Haruko watched as Hal and Dorian conversed about the fallen Magister and instantly she felt a little sorry. Dorian had looked up to this man, before he went crazy, it must have been hard to strike down his friend in order to save him. No one should have to do that. 

“This is the same amulet he used before,” Dorian said as he examined the amulet. “I think it’s the same one we made in Minrathous. That’s a relief.”

It was better than a relief. There were no words to describe now Haruko felt to those words. It meant they would be freed from this place and no one would have to die so horribly.

“Give me an hour to work out the spell he used and I should be able to open the rift,” he continued.

“An hour?!” Leliana exclaimed. “That’s impossible! You must go now!”

The ground started to shake and an unearthly roar echoed through the halls. Haruko looked around, sword in hand, terrified but ready to fight. Rocks fell and crumbled under the strain. The surrounding architecture groaned with the force that was placed upon them.

“The Elder One,” Leliana breathed. Cassandra and Bull looked at one another and nodded.

“We’ll go on ahead,” Cassandra explained. “Leliana, you’ll be the last line of defense, give them what you got.”

“I’m not going to send you to your deaths!” Hal exclaimed in protest.

“Are you guys mad?!” Haruko exclaimed.

“Look at us,” Leliana demanded. “We are already dead. The only way we’ll live is if this day never comes…Cast your spell…you have as much time as I have arrows.”

Haruko watched them go. Cassandra and Bull disappeared behind a very heavy door that slammed with an echoing thud. Leliana stood with her bow in her hand, waiting for that same door to open up. Those were her friends, Hal’s friends. They willingly would go to their deaths if it meant reversing this tragic place. There was no devotion like that in Haruko’s world, not that she had witnessed. It was something to be in awe of and to admire. 

“Haruko…” Hal called softly. Haruko looked up at him, then back at the door. They only needed an hour to get the spell and with any luck they would be out of here. Haruko turned and slowly made her way up to Dorian and Hal. The minutes went by like hours, and Haruko could hear the fighting beyond that door. She could be out there…but she was stuck here where she stood. Leliana started to chant something, something Haruko was unfamiliar with even though it was spoken in English. The doors flew open and a demon tossed Cassandra’s body like a sack onto the ground. The demons and the Venetori were stopped by Leliana’s arrows but it seemed as though five more would replace one that was killed. Haruko took a step forward, wanting to follow her fighting instincts. Hal felt the same and was right at her side but Dorian stopped him.

“You move and we all die!” he reminded them. Haruko looked back and stepped backward, unable to look away from the violence that was happening on the ground below them. Leliana was finally captured, hanging there as though they were to execute her in front of them. The demon went in for the kill and a white flash blinded all of them, shielding them from the execution. And then, they were back. Back at the same castle that they started in, back to the way things were before they were cast into a future that would never be.

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Dorian said with a cocky smirk. Haruko glared down Alexius, a glare she herself did not realize was becoming harsher each time she saw something chaotic and violent. Hal approached Alexius.

“It’s over,” he said. Alexius dropped to his knees, becoming the man that had lost everything. He looked over to his son.

“Felix…” he said as a plea. 

“It’s going to be alright father,” Felix said with a loving smile to his father.

“You’ll die,” Alexius said in anguish.

“Everyone dies,” Felix said. There was a finality in his voice that hinted at Felix’s acceptance of his own death. Alexius was then taken into custody by the rest of the Inquisition.

“Well I’m glad that’s over with,” Dorian said with a confident smile. 

“I don't think it’s over just yet,” Haruko said pointing. Men marched in, looking official and all that. there was one person that entered. He was rather unhappy with what had happened with one of his holdings and that his uncle had been run out. He could no longer help the mages, not when it seemed like his hand had been slapped away.

“You could be our allies,” Hal suggested after hearing their plight. “Fight beside the Inquisition and we will give you a roof over your heads.”

“A generous offer, but will the rest of the Inquisition honor it?” the woman in charge of the mages asked.

“Considering there is a Breach over our heads that threatens us all, I will make sure to let everyone in Haven know what you are there for,” Hal said.

“This Breach threatens not just Mages but all life,” Haruko added. There was a tired tone in her voice. “Dividing our strength now would be suicide.”

“I couldn't say it better,” Hal said. He gave her a tired smile that matched her current state of mind.

“We did it!” Maeve piped up. She gave Haruko’s arm a tight hug. A wave of happiness washed over Haruko in that moment. Her best friend was not dead. Everything that happened in the Future that Never would be would be gone forever. The only thing that lingered was the pain of the memories, and the lesson that it taught. Haruko gripped her friend’s hand as tight as Maeve gripped her arm.

“Yes, we did it…” Haruko said with a soft note of happiness. Maeve looked at her with a confused look but Haruko said no more. She was happy to see that her friends were alive and well. And that was all that mattered.


	12. Sealed Lips and New Opportunities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that they had the mages on their side, the Inquisition had every thing they needed to close the current rift in the sky. They should have been happy, and yet Maeve could see a major change in her friend. What exactly happened during that small time they were in that rift? Perhaps there might be something that Maeve could do to cheer up her friend...and possibly get the truth out of her.

Things didn’t necessarily return to normal as Maeve thought they would be. Ever since Haruko, Hal, and Dorian returned from the rift that threw them into a future, Haruko had been acting strange, Hal was more passionate about closing the Breach and Dorian was just a new ally added to the Inquisition. For Hal it might have been because they had gained the power to finally close the Breach for good. But Haruko…she had been a little more distant as of late. Any time Maeve asked about what happened Haruko would clam up and refuse to speak of it. That was totally unlike her friend. Maeve had asked enough times that Haruko had out right said that she would never speak it, that it would be the one thing she never told anyone. Any time after that, Haruko would be out of the house for the rest of the night, training.

“Ugh,” Haruko groaned as she stood in front of a mirror. “Why can't my hair just agree with me for once?”

“Maybe it’s because you got it cut?” Maeve suggested.

“Ha!” Haruko scoffed. It was true, she did get it cut, but enough so that the red in her hair was gone. Much to Haruko’s sorrow, she was back to being a very dark brown haired woman once again. It didn't help that her hair was naturally curly and rather thick. Any time she washed it and tried to dry it at least one piece stuck out and made it look like she had no ability to keep it. Most of the time Haruko couldn't care less, but when it was this crazy she did care. It stuck up in odd places because she had cut it back to a pixie short style. The long hair was starting to bug her and it was making it harder to fight with it. At least that was Haruko’s excuse to cut it so sort once again.

“At least your hair is manageable,” Haruko complained out loud. “Mine’s just a curled mess.”

“Haha, you’ll figure it out,” Maeve said. Haruko usually took some water and tried to brush her hair out. Most of the time it ended with her walking to the training grounds with slightly damp hair. However today was particularly cold as winter was starting to set in so it would be too dangerous to do such things. Eventually Haruko just left her hair as it was and put on the rest of her armor.

“See you later,” Haruko said. She left no time for Maeve to reply and the door shut behind her with a soft creak.

“Oh…uh…see you?” Maeve said with concern. Haruko’s behavior changed. It changed from a friendly, sociable person to a distant one, or at least when it came to Maeve. Maeve walked to the window and watched as Haruko walked down the road and out of sight.

_Haruko…_ she thought to herself. _What happened?_

Haruko continued to walk until she saw a smugly confident man with a decent mustache leaning up against one of the buildings with his arms crossed.

“Just the person I wanted to talk to,” the mage said with that usual smile on his face. He got up and fell in pace beside Haruko as she walked.

“Yet another game or twenty questions?” Haruko asked. He was oh so eager to learn about her world. Ever since they got back to Haven it had been nonstop questions day in and day out. Haruko didn’t mind so much, unless it was interfering with her duties that is.

“Is that another one of your strange games from your world?” Dorian asked. Again with that smug amusement. Haruko rolled her eyes a bit.

“Yes, it’s a game where one person asks at the max, twenty questions and then has to guess what that thing the person is thinking by the answers from those twenty questions,” she explained with a sigh. “What is it you want to know about this time?”

“That seems like such a constraint,” Dorian said with a light bit of complaining.

“With all the questions you ask? I think that allows for me to have a small break or two,” Haruko said with a laugh.

“But your situation is by far the most interesting, even more so than the Herald’s current position,” the mage said with a polite air about him. If anything he was attempting to flatter her. “You are from a completely different world and walked through the Fade to get here. You have different manner of speaking though it is the same as the common tongue here. You and your companion both know different languages as well.”

Know was a very strong word. They were studying the languages before they got here and now that they had been here for nearly a half a year they would perhaps forget most of what they learned. Haruko felt a twinge of pain in her chest at that thought.

“The point is, magic was involved to get you to this point but you claim there is no magic in your world,” Dorian continued even as Haruko was lost in her own thoughts.

“That’s because there is no magic in my world,” Haruko reminded for what seemed like the thousandth time.

“Then how do you explain how you got here?” Dorian asked. Haruko gave a sigh. He was deliberately making it so that she answered his question regardless. Nothing that she would say would be of any use to him. It would lead to more questions than answers for the man.

“It might be difficult for one such as yourself to understand,” Haruko said with a joking tone.

“Try me, I enjoy a challenge,” Dorian countered. Haruko gave a light chuckle. The man did ask for it.

“We were at college, leaving the library after a hard day’s worth of studying, and then this guy came up and said that his computer was not working. Before you ask, a computer is a compound of different components made from metal and sometimes plastic, and run with electricity. It can do a lot of things. Write, do math, turn books into paperless items to be read for later. But that’s another story for later,” Haruko started to explain. “I’m pretty good at using computers because that’s what my dad worked in so I tried to fix it. But it was just stuck showing us a strange picture with a rocky terrain and an ominous green glow. Nothing I did worked, and Maeve tried a few things that didn't help either…then it sucked us in and we fell down into the Fade…then we got out and then we went here.”

Dorian was silent through her entire explanation. He seemed more and more curious as she spoke and when she was finally done, he gave a slight nod.

“Fascinating,” Dorian said. “So magical image summoned you into the Fade…interesting.”

“Did you miss the part when I said that a computer is a compound of plastic and metal?" Haruko asked. Computers were a hard thing to explain without showing someone what it was. Of the people that she explained it to, none of them thought it was just a regular box that had electrical components. They all thought that it was a magical based thing that did strange and magical conjuring’s if given the right commands. At least they seemed to understand the concept of electricity but had not yet harnessed it for everyday use.

_I shouldn't expect everyone to understand these things._ Haruko thought to herself.

“You seem to think often enough that one might say you think too much, yes?” Dorian commented. Haruko looked over at him and gave a nervous chuckle. What else was she to do? These matters were not simple to explain and no one would get it unless she demonstrated such things. But considering she lacked a computer or anything else that she could explain to show exactly what they were, the meaning and understanding of such objects, like a computer, were lost.

“Did you think that I was nothing but a sword swinging thug?” Haruko asked in a joking tone. “Despite popular belief, I happen to enjoy knowledge and the pursuit there of.”

“That’s a relief,” Dorian said dramatically. “It is nice to find someone that can appreciate the finer things that life has to offer.”

“If you implying that I have had a similar pampered lifestyle then you are going to be disappointed,” Haruko said with a scowl. “I never lived that life. I just enjoy and appreciate fine artwork, literature, and adventure on occasion. Not to mention comedy. God I miss good comedy.”

“Who is this God you keep referring to?” Dorian asked. Haruko stopped in her tracks and looked at him. He was seriously going to continue to ask her questions. It was like she was in an interrogation session without the iron chair, cold room, and bright head lamp. Perhaps Haruko should put a twenty question limit per day.

“Good GOD! Dorian you have so many damned questions,” she replied with a half laugh. But how was she going to explain this one? It took Haruko a minute to come up with at least a minor way to explain Christianity without diving too deep into it.

“God is the person that I believe in, much like the Maker in this world,” Haruko explained. “Jesus Christ is similar to this Andraste person you talk about also. You as in these people here, or the religion that seems to thrive here.”  
“Truly?” Dorian asked. Haruko gave a nod.

“Yes, and like Andraste, Jesus was sacrificed in order to was away the sins of mankind,” Haruko said before giving a sigh. Might as well make it an entire history/religious lesson.

“A very long time ago, several centuries in fact, in my world, Jesus was a prophet to spread the word of God and to teach man about the relationship they should have with God. He spoke with leapers, thieves, prostitutes, anyone willing to listen and learn all he had to teach. Those that were most faithful to him were called the twelve disciples. There was one who betrayed him, turned him into the enemy. They were the Romans. The Romans had a different type of religion, one with many gods and goddesses. But the reason the Romans took Jesus Christ in was not for religious reasons. The leaders of the time were threatened by the teachings that Jesus was giving. This threatened the order that had set in place, their income from church fees, and their lavished lifestyle.

There is an old saying that money corrupts and that is exactly what happened to one of disciples. His name was Judas, and he was bribed into selling out Jesus. In doing so he signed Jesus’ death warrant. The Romans were famous for their torture, and were not merciful. Jesus suffered torture of all kinds…even the ones you can imagine and then he was sentenced to be crucified on a cross,” Haruko explained. Dorian seemed to be entrapped by her explanation and did not interrupt one word of her story.

“I might regret in asking, but what is “crucified on a cross” mean exactly?” he asked. Haruko knew the answer by heart. It was not because she was deeply religions, but instead because she grew up in a Catholic household for most of her life. They practically drilled this knowledge into your head and it was hard to ignore. It was only later that she decided that this religion was not for her, or the more militaristic side of the religion was not for her. 

“To be crucified…well that is an execution that was considered the cruelest form of torture and death,” Haruko led with that. She then reached behind her head and took off the necklace that she never ever forgot. It was a Christian cross with a ring around the top. Some might say it symbolized the Crown of Thorns but was unintentional. She held it up so that Dorian might see it but not take it.

“This is a cross. Your hands are nailed through the middle, right on this horizontal beam here. Then your feet are nailed together at the bottom of the long vertical beam here. Then they raise the cross up so that you are hanging in the air on these wooden beams. The pain of both standing and then give yourself relief by sagging…it is immeasurable. Most of the time the Romans would break your knees, destroying the ability to stand…and there you hang…until you suffocate from the inability to breath…starvation or dehydration or all of the above,” Haruko explained and left no detail out. Dorian’s face held a hint of shock.

“And you thought I was joking when I said the Romans were known for their torture,” Haruko added with a wry smile. “Eventually they took pity on Jesus’ condition since he had not yet starved or suffocated and pierced him through the heart to end his suffering.”

Haruko took back her necklace and put it back on her neck.

“Then what is the significance of the cross if it is the way that your prophet died?” Dorian asked.

“Is that not what the flame represents to the Chantry and Andraste?” Haruko countered. “To Christians, the cross is a reminder that our sins were forgiven through the sacrifice of God’s only son, Jesus Christ.”

“Wait, he was the son of your god?” Dorian then asked. Haruko gave a heavy sigh. There were still things that needed to be explained. To her, these details were inherent and anyone that knew about Christianity knew of them. But she had to remember that Christianity did not exist in this world and thus those details were bigger.

“Yes, and as I said before, a lot of these explanations are going to take longer than I have to explain,” Haruko reminded gently. For what it was worth, Haruko was happy to answer these questions. She did not want to forget her homeland and thus talking about it made her remember. The memories of who she was, where she came from, everything about her home world. At the same time, she felt sad, homesick at times.

“Why don’t you take your sweet mustache elsewhere,” Haruko joked. “I don't know about you but I have work to do.”

“It is a handsome mustache isn’t it?” he chuckled as he smiled. Ever the narcissist this one. 

“Now you aren’t going to go away until I compliment you more,” Haruko muttered.

“Only because you know perfection when you see it,” he joked back.

“Is that so? And here I thought you were hanging around me because I looked good,” Haruko said with sarcasm.

“It might be that as well, but there is no one that could be as dashing as I,” Dorian said dramatically.

“True, but I think I have something you do not,” Haruko said with a light tease in her tone.

“Besides the ability to crush the skulls of your enemies?” he asked. Haruko had to giggle at that one.

“No, I have the wild nature,” she said with her best effort to seem flirtatious. It wasn't something that Haruko was accustomed to. Most of the time she just had her witty jokes and that somehow was confused for flirting. How, Haruko wouldn't know since she, herself, had no experience in the realm of romance. Dorian’s eyebrow rose since he was acutely aware of the challenge that Haruko was presenting.

“If the wildness of your hair is any testament to such a nature,” Dorian teased.

“And I don’t even have to try to get it to do this,” Haruko laughed. Dorian had a smile on his face, then again he always had a smile on his face.

“I could, one day, show you how to properly take care of your hair,” Dorian offered with a sly smile over his usual one. Haruko gave a smirk in response.

“My dear Dorian, but that would go against the very look that I was trying to go for,” she replied with a mocked look of hurt and a sense of pride.

“Have it your way,” Dorian said with a dramatic shrug. “But feel free to come find me should you ever change your mind.”

Haruko couldn't help but get a fit of giggles. Trying to be obviously flirtatious was just too funny for her. Being dramatic in any sort of the word was absolutely hilarious no matter what the situation was. Poor girl could not lie to save her life but she could easily engage in the battle of witty banter any day. Again, to a point. The fit of giggles was her sign of defeat. The two bid each other a short good-bye and Haruko went the rest of the way to the training field on her own. There she saw some of the mages arguing with Cassandra. From the sound of it, they were not used to sleeping without a roof over their head or a nice set of sheets. This was war however, and they would need to get used to it or try to fix it themselves.

“If you’ve got time to complain, you’ve got time to do something about it,” Haruko said to one of the particularly loud mage. “If you haven’t noticed, we are all equal here, that means you get to live the same as the rest. We don't have time to make special accommodations for everyone, either get out or get used to it.”

The mage didn't seem too happy about that answer. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it when he couldn't think of anything else to say. Without a retort of any kind, the mage was forced to make a hasty retreat. Haruko sighed heavily.

“It is the same everywhere,” Cassandra said, looking just as irritated. “At least you seem to handle it well.”

“Being in the oldest of the family helps train you for things like this,” Haruko muttered. From there, Haruko took to the training field as she always did.

~

Maeve was busy with her spy work. Leliana was impressed by her work at Redcliffe Castle. As a result, Maeve was given more work to do and missions to go on. Instead of the normal paperwork, she was relaying messages back and forth between important spies and sometimes she would be the one to go look for them on the field. If she wasn't handling the letters and orders, she was helping locate homes for the mages that were coming in. Most of the time, the mages would complain about the quarters again and again. Maeve easily told them that this was the best they could do and that they should be grateful they weren’t out in the cold. Hal did his best to get the mages on their side. Usually his words could soothe the ire of the mages, but others were too adamant to make peace with their current situation. It was irritating to see people who didn't appreciate that.

The one highlight of every day was being able to have lunch with her friend. Even if Haruko was acting distant at times, she was still willing to stop her training long enough to have lunch with Maeve. Most of their conversations were over the mundane. Work, coworkers at times, occasionally there would be a tease or two about a few of the good looking people that had graced their fair town of Haven. If one could call this place a town and not a camp. Today, Maeve walked with each of their assigned lunches. She walked to the training grounds and looked for Haruko. The woman was in a particularly heated duel with one of the veterans. The veteran seemed to be on the defensive, not throwing a single strike. Haruko threw every blow with all of her strength. 

_It’s only midday and her hair is dripping with sweat_ Maeve thought. She waited a few more moments.

“Haruko! Lunch!” Maeve called to her friend. Haruko gave one more strike before she looked up. She saw Maeve waving at her and a soft smile touched her lips. Haruko took a step back from her opponent and gave a mild thanks. Afterwards she walked to Maeve and wiped her sweat from her brow.

“What’s for lunch today?” Haruko asked. She was slightly out of breath.

“Hmmm, bread and some sort of soup,” Maeve said. Haruko took a tasted. It was the usual soup, but perhaps they added some sort of vegetable that she had not tasted before. It wouldn't surprise her.

“Hmmm well there are definitely potatoes…I think a mix of potato and vegetable soup,” she said. “It’s pretty good today.”

Maeve sat there for a minute. All she could do was stir her spoon in the soup. Should she ask Haruko about what happened at Redcliffe just one more time? Or should she leave the subject be. So far Haruko had been getting better. There had been entire days when it seemed like Haruko returned to normal and other days when Haruko would refuse to look at her. Curiousity was a strange emotion, especially when Maeve wanted nothing more than to help her friend.

“So what happened when you went with Hal at Redcliffe?” Maeve asked. Haruko froze. Once again her friend stopped everything that she was doing and remained quiet. Maeve knew she should not have brought it up. She should have waited until Haruko was ready to come and speak to her about it.

“Nothing…” Haruko said softly. 

“Well obviously it’s something,” Maeve said with a half snap. She was done being in the dark about it. If there was something that happened that involved their friendship, then Maeve wanted to know about it.

“It feels like you’ve been avoiding my ever since then,” Maeve finally admitted.

“Nothing,” Haruko repeated quietly. It was like she was not truly hearing Maeve speak. Maeve looked at Haruko’s face and saw that her eyes were closed tightly. There was a light tremble in her hand as she held her empty spoon. Her jaw was tensed. What was it that made Haruko do this?

“It’s not _nothing_ ,” Maeve said gently. “I know you, Haruko. When you talk about your issues you feel a lot better and you get over them easily.”

“There are some things that I don't want to talk about,” Haruko said softly. “If you really want to know what happened, go talk with Dorian or Hal…I will never speak of the future that never was…”

Maeve watched as Haruko placed her barely eaten food on the bench and get up to walk away. She watched as Haruko walked away with such a dark expression on her face. In that moment, Maeve decided that she needed to figure out what it was the bothered her friend. However, this would be the last time that she came to Haruko about it. It was painful to watch her friend torture herself over something that happened in the past. But it was also painful to know that Haruko would not come to her to speak. With a heavy heart, Maeve ate the rest of her food but left Haruko’s. Perhaps the woman would eat later.

After that, she took it upon herself to ask the only other person that survived the trip to this dark future and back. Dorian Pavus. He was a man of Tevinter, a country that far to the north. Unlike the rest of his country, the man had sacrificed everything so that he might actually try and turn his country around from the horrible atrocities that they had committed. Currently he was walking to his usual camping spot next to Adan’s potion hut. He looked up from his book and saw Maeve walking toward him.

“Well if it isn’t the uniquely shorter mystery to Haven,” Dorian said over his book. He closed it with one hand and held it to his side. “What a terrible face you are wearing. Did you read something terrible?”

“No, nothing like that,” Maeve replied. She was a little nervous to do this; to gather information about her friend behind her back. Part of her wanted to respect Haruko’s wishes and just leave the subject alone. But the other part of the wanted to understand Haruko’s pain and what she was going through.

“You look as though you might have eaten something disgusting,” Dorian said with a tease in his voice.

“I want to know what happened with you, Haruko and Hal when you disappeared into that rift at Redcliffe,” Maeve finally said. “Haruko refuses to speak a word about it. And ever since then…every time I ask about it, it’s like she avoids me.”

Dorian was quiet for a moment. He seemed to ponder the question over in his mind for a moment with this sad and pained expression on his face.

“She has every right to not want to speak of what happened,” Dorian finally said. ‘I do not agree with how she is handling herself, but I understand her pain.”

That did not answer Maeve’s question at all. There was a light pout starting to appear on her face before Dorian continued.

“Let me put it this way,” he said. “Everything that you’ve ever known, the friends that you have, the people that you love, they are all tortured, killed, twisted from their original purposes. Then to have the knowledge that you could have prevented it from happening, were taken out of the equation only to be added in at a later part, the crushing sorrow as you watch everyone you know around you suffer and die. The pain, the suffering, the horror. It’s something that no one should have to witness.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to talk about it either?” Maeve asked. There was a part of her that was slightly disappointed to find out that there had been things that were indescribable. If they were horrors beyond horrors, then Maeve did not want to make Dorian, Hal, or Haruko to remember such things. But she was aware that the only way to help out Haruko and to understand her side of things was to find out all she could about that time.

“I understood that the future that I was seeing was able to be changed and thus, I did not need to let myself get too emotional or attached,” Dorian said simply yet there was a look in his eyes that said differently. “I know that puts me in a rather unflattering position, but if it can be changed then there is not a use in worrying. What happened in that time will never be. However, Haruko seems to have a harder time with letting it go.”

“…” Maeve continued to listen but when Dorian seemed to stop she wanted to know more. “What happened? Haruko told me, on several occasions, that she will not speak of it. I’ll wait for her to come to me about it.”

“Then I shan’t keep you waiting any longer,” he said with the usual light hearted tone. The story started from the beginning of Redcliffe, when they disappeared for that small moment. The things that Dorian described were things that Maeve could not understand. She was baffled, horrified, floored, anything that could describe shock and horror at the same time. The states they found Cassandra and the Iron Bull, her own death, Alexius’ death…everything that happened was a warning to their failure. If the Inquisition did not succeed, they would die. That was the message Alexius’ magic gave to Hal, Dorian, and Haruko.

“Wow……” Maeve breathed. Out of all the things that Dorian explained, the part where Maeve actually died in front of Haruko was where Maeve was stuck. “I died…and Haruko saw me die…saw so many people die…you and Hal too…”

“But that was all caused by the absence of the Herald,” Dorian reminded simply. “Since we returned, that future will never happen. We also have a plan of action after we have closed the Breach.”

“And here I thought I was helping by asking Haruko about this,” Maeve muttered. Haruko refused to talk about it because she did not want to relieve Maeve’s death. Even if it was a death that never happened, it was still just as real. The emotions remained, the memories lingered. Time might be able to heal Haruko’s still fresh wounds.

“You couldn't have known,” Dorian said. “I do not believe that running from the issue will help Haruko, but I can sympathize with her thoughts.”

“Thanks Dorian,” Maeve said. “I really appreciate you tell me this.”

She still worried for Haruko. The poor woman was not facing her problems as she had in the past. Haruko was an outward person most of the time. To save the pain of misunderstandings, Haruko would always announce her feelings in vocal words or loud actions. If she was deep in thought, she’d always get that slight frown on her face. If there was a question asked, Haruko would answer to the best of her ability. It was strange to have that suddenly change for one thing and one thing only.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head,” Dorian said. “Healing takes time, some more than others.”

“Yeah…I just don't want to lose a good friend,” Maeve said with a sad expression. Haruko was the only other person that was from her time, and beyond that the feeling of being alone was crushing.

“Well, there’s always me,” Dorian offered. Maeve laughed loudly at that. Dorian was a good man, and for all of his wit he seemed to care a great deal more than he led on.

~

A few days more had passed before Maeve got the best idea she had ever had. Everyone was going to be invited for a mini celebration, and by everyone she meant those that she frequently associated with and also those who Haruko associated with. Maeve presented the idea to Haruko while she was doing some minor exercises in the training yard.

“You want to do what?” Haruko asked for Maeve to repeat. She had to stop and wipe the sweat from her face. 

“Have everyone gather for a mini celebration!” Maeve repeated. She had an overabundance of enthusiasm in her voice and it was infectious. Haruko couldn't help but have a light smile.

“We haven’t even closed the Breach yet,” she pointed out.

“That’s why it’s a _mini_ celebration,” Maeve emphasized. “We got brand new allies, might as well celebrate that.”

“I thought that _mini_ meant something to your size,” Haruko said as a joke.

“God damnit Haruko,” Maeve said in mocked anger and a mocked punch to Haruko’s arm. Haruko couldn't help but chuckle and wince in reaction to the light hit.

“Hey hey! I was joking hahaha,” Haruko said between her chuckles.

“We’re celebrating and that’s that!” Maeve said with more force. It was good to see Haruko smile but Maeve knew she needed more than just a chance to make jokes.

“Alright alright!” Haruko said with a little chuckle. “What do you want me to do?”

“Get your boyfriend to come with,” Maeve said. Haruko had just taken a sip of water and then started to choke on it. It took a moment for her to recover her breath and then react to Maeve.

“Excuse me?” Haruko asked incredulously. Maeve grinned.

“You heard me,” she said. Haruko gave a heavy sigh even if she still was reeling from the choking. Maeve had been on a kick of teasing. Every time there was any mention of the Commander Maeve instantly though would say things that would insinuate that there was a romantic relationship or even slight crush between Haruko and Commander Cullen. Obviously it was nothing more than a work friendship. He was her commanding officer and her boss. It would not be right to even think that such a relationship could exist. If anything, they had a strange Commander Captain relationship because she didn't really treat people through titles, she treated people through their actions. She also had a terrible habit of not listening to the rules.

“First off, I don't have a boyfriend, second off, who the hell would you think would be my boyfriend in the first place?” Haruko asked even if she knew the answer.

“Well you seem to talk with someone with blonde hair and red attire,” Maeve was specifically vague. Haruko groaned and shook her head.

“I will ask him if he can come along, I’m not guaranteeing anything though,” she replied. Commander Cullen needed a break every now and again. Perhaps she could get Hal to give some sort of order to get the man away from his notes for a time. 

“Yes!” Maeve exclaimed with excitement. Haruko was left to watch her friend run of in a hurry. 

“What have you got yourself into?” she muttered to herself.

~

The sun disappeared beneath the mountain as it always had. Haruko had enlisted a small amount of help from the Herald in order to get Commander Cullen to come to this party. All she had to do was say that Hal wanted to meet with him and the Commander was away from his desk. But instead of walking to the Chantry, they walked to the tavern where Maeve and everyone else were waiting.

“Finally!” Maeve said with a loud shout. She’d already had her fair share of drinks while waiting for the two latest arrivals were on their way. Haruko already gave a small sigh but had a smile on her face.

“Sorry, sorry. If only this guy would get his nose out of his paperwork for more than a moment,” she explained as she pointed over her shoulder with her thumb.

“You said that this was a meeting,” the Commander commented with a hint of agitation. “One that the Herald had requested.”

“I did,” Haruko said as she looked back at him. “You just didn’t ask what kind of meeting it was.”

“Oh! Good one,” the Iron Bull cheered. Haruko gave a grin to the Iron Bull before she walked over to the empty seat next to him. Maeve was sitting in front of her as well as Hal. Cullen did not seem to be happy about the trick, yet was willing to sit next to Haruko.

“Oh come on, what else were you going to be doing?” Haruko asked the Commander objectively.

“Uh, you?” Maeve muttered under her breath. The Iron Bull started to chuckle but Haruko looked a little confused. She didn’t hear what Maeve had said and the giggling from those around made her curious.

“What?” Haruko asked.

“Nothing,” Maeve said quickly with a grin. Haruko narrowed her eyes at her friend as Maeve grinned widely.

“To answer your question,” the Commander continued the conversation previous. “I could have finished a few more reports and written a few more orders. There were also battle planning for-“

“Okay, okay,” Haruko interrupted on purpose. Cullen frowned at her. “We know that you would work yourself to sleep. Which is why I took the liberty of helping with a few of those reports.”

“You did what!?!” Cullen exclaimed. This was the first he seemed visibly angry at Haruko for doing something without asking. Hal set his cup down.

“It wasn't like she did it completely on her own,” he vouched for her.

“I know where my boundaries are,” Haruko explained. “But you were not going to get away from that damnable desk unless there was some end in sight. And a little nudge from our Herald.”

“That was a little devious of you,” Maeve teased Haruko. Haruko couldn't help but grin. She could still feel the Commander’s rage but there were no words that were directed at her actions. Haruko wanted to make sure that Cullen was able to enjoy what little time they had to rest. The Breach was still in the sky, and plans were already underway to make the trek to the Temple of Sacred Ashes to close it. The mages were still traveling from their placement in Redcliffe to Haven. And those who made the journey here were exhausted.

“Face it Commander, at least she recognizes that you are working far too hard,” Hal then said. 

“That does not grant her permission to do my work for me,” Cullen replied heatedly.

“And if I ordered her to do so?” Hal asked. Cullen looked at him with frustrated glare that turned into an equally frustrated sigh. There was nothing that the Commander could do if the Herald had requested Haruko to do these things. Regardless of if there was no standing leader to this Inquisition, the people and advisors here would listen to Hal’s words first.

“Oh don’t ruin it,” Maeve said with a little whine. “We are here to have a mini celebration for our successes!”

“At the cost of time better spent at finishing our end goal,” Cullen stated severely.

“You have most of your work done, why not enjoy this moment while you can?” Haruko asked.

“but-“

“Do I really need to drag you here next time?” Haruko turned to him and asked. There were no more titles here, and that knowledge gave her courage to sassy.

“Might have to, he’ll be suspicious now that you’ve used me as an excuse,” Hal said with a bit of a laugh. He then took a long drink of his ale. Haruko couldn't understand how they could drink that stuff. 

“I certainly will be now,” Cullen replied with some irritation. Like it or not, he was starting to relax into the party atmosphere.

“You should have seen the effort Haruko put in to get you here,” Maeve then added. “She took as many books on each subject of each report in order to understand how best to handle it. And that was before she brought it to Hal. I think it was for three or four days and nights she was up making corrections and researching.”

Cullen turned to Haruko, who was not avoiding his gaze intently.

“And here I thought I was the only one who “worked myself to sleep”,” He used her words against her.

“Alright!” Haruko snapped. The rest of the group started to laugh. There was no need to spoil her hard work. Actually, there was no need to say that she put forth any effort at all. The end result was the same. Everyone that was invited was here at the party and that was it. 

“Oh come on, you are only the second most hard working individual here,” Maeve pointed out.

“I think you have been drinking too much,” Haruko muttered. 

“No, not enough,” Maeve argued back. With that she looked down at her drink. Haruko gave a small sigh before one question made her freeze in place.

“You did all of that work?” Cullen asked her. For some reason Haruko found herself feeling a bit embarrassed and shy.

“Well, if I was going to take some of your work then I had to meet it with the same level of seriousness,” Haruko said without looking at him. Good God she needed a drink, or something in her hands to lessen the feeling of embarrassment. Tugging at her sleeve wouldn't help, not when it was stuffed into her leather arm guard.

“How about I go get everyone drinks?” Haruko then suggested before anyone could catch on.

“Yeah!”

“HERE!”

Haruko was grateful for this time away and took everyone’s order. She then went over to the counter and recited every name of each drink and how much. The tavern keeper was busy enough with the refugees and looked particularly tired today. Even the tavern maids were just as busy, which is why Haruko suggested to go get the drinks herself. But it was the chance to get out of an embarrassing situation that made her do these things herself. 

The Commander had worked so hard to help the Inquisition’s army grow and to learn the basics of combat. Haruko had grown to admire that dedication and self-sacrifice. She had also grown worried since they had become friends of sorts. Ever since she’d taken him to see the stars in the wilderness of Haven, she’d started to worry that he worked himself far too hard. Because of that, she started to take up the mantle and started to research more about Thedas than she already was. She took up books of battle strategies, histories, anything she could get her hands on to learn the art of war and how to take care of armies properly. She’d asked for advice, war stories, and spoken with the veterans within the Inquisition ranks in order to gain more knowledge. It was not her favorite thing to study, but if it helped to lessen the load of one overworked man then it was worth it. Once she got everything she returned to the group and handed out the drinks as per order.

“So what is everyone drinking?” Maeve asked. Haruko gave a sigh because Maeve should have known exactly what everyone was drinking since they just ordered. Perhaps she drank too much already.

“Some sort of light beer?” Haruko asked with a question. There was no apple ale here, no Reds, and no Angry Orchard. Hell, Haruko wasn't sure if they even brewed hard ciders here and frankly, she shouldn't be too picky in their current situation. She asked for something light that wasn't too strong. Ever since she had a run in with an alcohol named “Moonshine” she couldn't handle the taste of alcohol very well. 

“You should try this stuff,” the Iron Bull said. He handed her the cup. Haruko was not exactly a total idiot, but she allowed her curiousity to get the better of her. She took a sniff and immediately jerked back from the contents of Iron Bull’s drink. It smelled worse than vodka.

“You’re drinking straight up paint thinner is what that is!” she exclaimed as she held her nose. Just the smell alone stung her sinuses. That could not be good to in jest.

“Hahahaha!” Bull laughed heartily. “This stuff will wake you up and get your drunker faster.”

“That stuff’ll kill ya,” Haruko argued back. Even so, she took a sip of her own drink but only just. She was not a drinker as everyone around the table was, not yet.

“Not much of a drinker?” Hal asked with a challenging look. Haruko looked at him dryly.

“I drink to enjoy the company around me,” Haruko explained simply. It was far easier to explain it that way. No need to let them know that she enjoyed watching other people get wasted and then tease them mercilessly.

“It’s a Japanese thing,” Maeve elaborated for her. “They drink to be social not to get wasted.”

Oh but if Maeve really knew how Japanese people partied. That knowledge allowed a smirk to form on her face even as she took another sip of her drink.

“But that’s no fun,” the Iron Bull complained loudly.

“There is nothing wrong with being a little reserved with your drink,” Haruko said. Now was the time to mess with people if she could. “Plus it would be useless if you were completely wasted and someone came in here and attacked.”

“With us sitting here? No way,” the Iron Bull said as he took a strong gulp of his drink then coughed.

“See! If a drink makes you do that then why bother?” Haruko said with a point of her finger for emphasis.

“Oh let him have his fun Haruko,” Maeve said after she downed her fresh cup of alcohol. “It’s a party after all.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with a little fun,” Hal added. “Especially when there’s a party involved.”

Haruko rolled her eyes. Guess she’d be the one sober enough to make sure that everyone got home safely or only slightly sober. But as the night continued, the more comfortable Haruko felt. Either that was because she was with good company or because she had a few drinks. Either way, the group had got Maeve and Haruko speaking of their past.

“No way,” Hal laughed loudly. The fun thing about alcohol was allowing people the laugh at stupid things for a very long time. “You tricked your brother into falling out of a tree? Seven times?! Hahahaha!”

“Well, that’s what happens when you are the oldest huh?” Haruko said with a devious grin. “Told him he could travel to the other side of the world if he fell out of the apple tree in the yard. Stupid bastard believed me too. He climbed into the tree six or seven times and purposely fell out of the tree before I got into trouble.”

“With all of your compassion I would not have guessed that you were so devious as a child,” Commander Cullen said with surprise yet on his face there was an amused smile. Haruko gave a shrug.

“We all have things we grow out of,” Haruko said with a devious smile again.

“Something tells me that part isn’t completely gone,” the Iron Bull said with a grin. He was definitely drunk with all the wobbling he was doing.

“I have absolutely no idea of what you are talking about,” Haruko said with a dramatic and sly look as she took a sip of her second.

“Okay, okay,” Hal said with stifled laughter. Every time he tried to speak clearly he would just turn into a fit of giggles once again. He had already had four pints or was it five?

“Okay…okay…Maeve, your turn,” he finally was able to get the words out before dissolving into a fit of giggles again.

“Okay…well, in our world there are things called fireworks,” Maeve started to tell her story, slightly slurred. “Our country celebrates its birthday with fireworks and I don't like them but my family does…so someone gave me a sparkler, I screamed and threw it because the spark hit my wrist. The sparkler landed on a chair next to my grandpa and set it on fire…he didn’t even know.”

Hal and Maeve both started to laugh really hard and the rest of them started to laugh because of the two drunk idiots. Haruko couldn't help but laugh a little at the sight of the two being sloppily drunk. The story itself needed more explanation than the, since many people didn't know what fireworks were or what a sparkler was. But no one seemed to ask or even care at this point. They all seemed to laugh at the each other and that was what mattered.

“Another another!” Maeve called out, about falling off of her seat.

“Perhaps that’s enough,” Haruko suggested lightly with a smile. If Maeve insisted Haruko was not going to refuse her. Maeve was an adult after all, but Haruko wouldn't be able to call herself a good friend if she did not offer a small warning to her friend.

“Shhhhhut up,” Maeve said with a wobbly point of her finger. “You dunno what I want!”

Haruko sighed heavily and went to go get some more drink. However, Maeve then started to rant in her drunken stupor.

“I ne’er do stuff ‘ere! Ya goin’ on adventer ‘n’ stuff,” Maeve managed to get out then spread her arms out wide. “Safin’ da worl’! ‘ana too…finkin’ I can’ ‘andle stuff.”

Haruko knew this was the drunk talking but it got her thinking that it might actually be true. There were some words that seemingly were lost in the slur of drunkenness, but what if Haruko was over-protecting her friend? No one seemed to notice, those that were too drunk anyway.

“I cann saf’ da worl’ too,” Maeve said with a small sniffle. There were legitimate tears starting to form in Maeve’s eyes. Haruko did not know if she could handle an emotional drunk right now, or ever. 

“Yesh you can,” Hal said. He probably meant to give a caring arm hug but it ended up as a lean against Maeve.

“You have got to be kidding,” Haruko breathed. She leaned and elbow on the table and placed her hand over her eyes to keep from seeing what happened next. Maeve and Hal might have said something to each other, an attempt at romance or encouragement or whatever but no one could really say. After, Hal and Maeve started to kiss each other in a rush of heated passion and were not shy about it. The Iron Bull cheered them on in his drunken stupor while Cullen and Haruko were the ones to look away.

_They are consenting adults…they are consenting adults_ Haruko thought to herself repeatedly. This was something that Haruko believed should happen behind closed doors. No audience, and certainly not with a friend present. But they were both drunk, not in their right minds at the moment, and their own adults. Whatever Haruko though did not matter to them and she understood that. That did not mean she had to like it.

_Maybe I should just leave_ Haruko thought. Maeve had stayed at the tavern before. She was also with the Herald and the Iron Bull and perhaps Sera as well. She’d be okay, she’d been here before and could take care of herself if things get dicey…that and she had friends to help her should something happen. 

“Thanks for the drinks,” Haruko then said with a friendly pat on the Iron Bull’s shoulder. 

“Leaving so soon?” The Iron Bull asked. “The party is just getting started.”

“No offense, but this is not the kind of party that I enjoy,” Haruko said. Maeve obviously could not hear her since she was too preoccupied with the Waltz of Tongues with the Herald.

“You don't know that unless you give it a try,” the Iron Bull said in what could possibly be assumed as an attempt to seduce Haruko.

“Nice try, but you’re going to have to do better than that,” Haruko said as she got up. The Iron Bull let out a whistle. From the tone it sounded as though he was impressed with her ability to refuse such a _tempting_ offer. She walked to the door and gave one last glance to Maeve, still quite busy with Hal’s face, before turning back and walking out.

The night air hit Haruko’s face and the sudden silence of the night was pleasant to her ears. Parties were great, being with people was great, but it did not hurt to enjoy the calming silence of the night every once in a while. Haruko looked up at night sky, watched as the stars twinkled softly before her eyes closed at the slight brush of wind. There was a moment of muffled activity behind her, where the party was, and then a roar as the door opened. Haruko turned and looked to see Commander Cullen leave the tavern. He looked at her and there was a moment of awkward silence.

“Well that certainly…was interesting,” the Commander said with a bit of a pause. Haruko gave a small nervous chuckle.

“Well…that’s my friend,” Haruko muttered. If she had pockets she’d shove her hands in the pockets. Instead she held her left arm with her right hand and looked at the ground. It was fascinating to see all of the snow that accumulated and then was trampled by those coming and going.

“Before they lost themselves to the ale, I would say that was an enjoyable party,” Cullen then said. Haruko looked up at him and gave a small nod and small smile.

“Yeah…” Haruko said softly. What else was she supposed to say?

“Shall I walk you back?” Cullen asked politely.

“You know I was going to ask if you wanted to walk back to your place…to take you home of course…God this is awkward,” Haruko muttered the last part. There was nothing about her sentence that would not make it less awkward.

“This is a first a woman offered to walk me home,” Cullen replied with a chuckle. Haruko looked up at him and saw that there was a bit of an amused smile that graced his features. Haruko could not help but feel the sign of embarrassment start to color her cheeks.

“In my country, er, world it is about as awkward as the current situation…women do not walk men home,” Haruko said with a little distain. Her intentions were not because she was a woman and he was a man, but because they were friends and she wanted to take care of her friends.

“It is not a common thing for women to offer here either,” Cullen responded factually if anything else. 

“Sorry, I just made everything incredibly awkward,” Haruko muttered more to herself. There was a moment or two of deafening silence.

“If it is not impolite, I do not mind if you wish to walk with me,” Cullen then said. Haruko looked at him with a confused look on her face. Was he just trying to mock or was he trying to be polite? 

“Uh…sure,” Haruko said with a nod. They walked beside each other in the silence of the night. It did not seem so awkward after there was some time for it to blow away with the night air. There was no conversation, no words exchanged. Instead there was the enjoyment of simple company and the night air. Haruko found herself looking up at the sky once more when there was barely any torch light.

“You seem to be fascinated with the stars,” Cullen commented. Perhaps he was attempting to tease Haruko, or he was just making a statement. Either way, Haruko looked back down from the sky out of embarrassment.

“I used to live in a place where you could barely see two stars at a time,” Haruko reminded him. “I also didn’t live in the mountains and they say that the closer to the sky you are the clearer you can see them.”

She just liked things that held an inherent beauty to them. The stars were one of many things that she enjoyed looking at. There was the nature of trees and an untouched forest. Sometimes there would be an abandon building that nature had finally reclaimed with ivies that grew up and through the roof. Sometimes it was a person wearing a shiny set of armor or performing the familiar sets with more energy than the others. There were so many things about this world that were beautiful that she was disappointed that no one else took a chance to look at them.

“What did you have in your homeland?” Cullen then asked. Haruko looked at him and her throat swelled shut. This was one hell of a time to start feeling homesick. Afraid that she might start shedding tears, Haruko looked away from Cullen for a moment.

“Well…we did have a river that went through town and into a small patch of trees…” Haruko finally said. “Most of it was flat farm land with a lot of houses bunched in the middle with shops and roads…there wasn't too much of anything special there…”

Haruko missed her homeland terribly. She missed her parents, her friends, her sister…

“Oh there was this ice cream place that only opened up in the summer when it got really hot,” Haruko then said. “Best ice cream you will get anywhere. Well…in a small town place anyway.”

“Sounds like it is a far cry different than your life you now lead,” Cullen said. It might have been out of jest, but it hurt to hear. Yes, her life in her small town was so much more different than the life here in Thedas. 

“…” Haruko didn’t say anything at first. “I try not to think about it too much…there is so much I want to share with my family about Thedas and the nature and everything…you know; my sister would be so jealous that her older sister turned into a literal knight in shining armor.”

“Knights don't exist in your world?” The Commander then asked. He seemed surprised that there was a place where knights did not exist.

“No…well not anymore,” Haruko said sadly. “There were some in our history, but the knights that you are familiar with do not exist anymore in our world. We just have soldiers and groups of specialists…not as honorable as I think it should be.”

“But I am sure there are some form of knight,” Cullen insisted. There might have been. Haruko had to think on it differently. The word _knight_ was an old term for a person in iron or steel armor that served a sworn king. Her country did not have a king, they had someone that the people put into a position of power. Their army did not have knights in the same sense. Perhaps they were knights in spirit but that could be applied in different ways.

“Well…perhaps,” Haruko said she continued to think. “In more of a metaphorical sense……it’s hard to explain.”

Cullen didn't answer right away. This was a hard concept for him to understand, or that is what Haruko thought it might. 

“I’m sure your sister would be proud to know that you have turned out to be a fine knight,” Cullen then said. There was only the tone of truth in his words. Haruko looked a little embarrassed to hear them come from the Commander.

“No…I’m nowhere near knight material,” Haruko deflected. “I still have yet to follow orders.”

“There is more to being a knight than just following orders,” Cullen then said with a light chuckle. “I left the Templar Order to do what is right. As did many others that shared the same views. But it would help if you did listen to orders every once in a while.”

The Commander joked with her and she gave a giggle.

“Perhaps I will…but if I did, you would ask if I was feeling sick or something,” Haruko joked back. 

“You are not entirely wrong,” he said with a chuckle. Haruko walked with Cullen for a little while longer and enjoyed the pleasant company of someone else. Not being drunk, not pursuing physical company, but just enjoying the simplicity of talking with someone else and creating more friendships.


	13. Growing in Friendships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mini celebration might have succeeded in making those around happy, but it left Haruko wondering for a long time. Maeve certainly thought she was not useful enough in the Inquisition and Haruko could completely disagree. Is it possible that the first fight they have is the one that ends their friendship? Or is it something different that would break their companionship?

Their mini celebration had already disappeared into the past within a few days. However, Haruko was sitting at their table, deep in thought. Did Maeve truly feel as though she was doing nothing here? Was Haruko being too over-protective of her friend? Those words might have been said because Maeve was ridiculously drunk but the thought of them being true plagued Haruko’s mind.

“I know that face,” Maeve said. Haruko blinked once and looked to see where Maeve was. She watched her friend walk around to the other side of the table and sat down in the empty chair. 

“What’s in that brain of yours?” Maeve asked once she was settled. Haruko took a moment to think about how to word the question. 

“Do you really think you’re not doing enough around here?” Haruko asked when there was no other way she could think to present her query. Maeve paused with that question, unsure whether or not to answer right away. But Haruko’s question remained as well as a cold hard truth. Maeve truly did feel as though she was not contributing enough to the Inquisition. That thought burned at the front of Maeve’s mind.

“I’m not doing anything!” Maeve finally said with frustration. “I’m sitting around waiting for something to happen, but it never does.”

Haruko couldn't believe that this was actually a feeling that Maeve was having. Maeve helped scouting, on occasion, went on missions to give information back and forth. To watch and report of activities happening elsewhere. But that happened on rare occasions. Haruko had faith that Leliana and Hal knew when the right time would be to send Maeve on missions and with the right people. There was still the worry that he anxiety would grip her and pose a serious problem. Maeve’s condition had gotten better, but there were days when she could not go into to do her duties.

“But you're delivering orders, looking for info, and I’ve seen you talking with Solas from time to time about how we could get back home. How’s that ‘sitting around’?” Haruko asked. She sat up straight in her chair and leaned closer to Maeve. If there were times that Maeve did not go out, she was here working on a solution to get home. That was their compromise. 

“Because ultimately it's not affecting anything! I'm replaceable. Anyone can do my job. You've got this whole thing going, though. If something were to happen to us, it would be you that they would miss. Not me. They can replace me," Maeve said with a pained expression. She didn't want to be replaced; she didn't want to feel as though she could be replaced. At least Haruko had the captain’s position in the military.

“That's not true! You helped get the other Sera AND Blackwall on our team! Not to mention you got to see a dragon! You've soothed the Mages too! No one is replaceable! You're not replaceable!” Haruko countered. This was unbelievable. Maeve had a job that not many people could do and she just couldn't see it. She took on a task that no one had even heard before and still Maeve thought she was doing nothing. 

“Anyone could have gotten Sera and Blackwall! Just like anyone could have soothed the mages! My part here isn't as special as yours, dammit!” Maeve shouted back. Could Haruko not see why she was angry? “And what does seeing a fucking dragon have to do with anything?”

Haruko couldn't believe what she was hearing. Maeve wanted her part to be as special as Haruko’s? How was Haruko’s position in the military special? She worried over her people night and day. She fought people, killed them. How was that even considered special?

“You really think that my spot is so special?! I'm killing people Maeve! Killing! I don't want to kill people, even if they are my enemy! You really think being able to kill people is special?” Haruko shouted angrily right back at Maeve. Maeve sat back in her chair because Haruko’s face was terrifying to look at. The look of pain and sorrow was mixed into this fearful anger.

“I'm just as easily replaced by any other soldier out there on the field by your terms! What I am trying to tell you is that everyone has a place here, a unique place that helps out. No matter how small it may seem! Hal told me that he didn't even see the notes when you went to Val Royeaux, on your own by the way despite the repercussions, and then got Sera on our team! You went to go find Blackwall because you are good at finding people! Hal sees that! I doubt anyone else could get those two, who have very different personalities I might add, on our team as quickly as you did. And you seeing a dragon is special! The way I hear it, you usually see a dragon just before it kills you. That's something to brag about, especially when in our world the only dragon that exists is the Komodo and some kind of sea horse!” Haruko countered rather angrily. There was nothing special about killing other people. That was the job for murderers and Haruko had taken that job upon herself so Maeve didn't have to. Feeling the sensation of someone else’s life leaving their body, knowing that it was you that took that life, it wasn't something that Haruko would wish on anyone especially not her friend. At the very least Maeve was able to kill from a distance.

“……………okay. Yeah. I'm sorry,” Maeve said and looked away. She was so tired of this. Tired of not being of any use. Tired of looking for a way to get back home. Tired of being yelled at. Just plain tired of everything. Haruko couldn't understand this feeling when she was out there helping so many people while Maeve was left to wait for her return with no news of how to get home. 

“You’re not going to believe me…” Haruko said with frustration. Maeve had shut down visibly. Nothing that Haruko could say would get to Maeve. Not that Maeve would hear her anyway. How many times had Haruko said that this job was important to them? How many times had Maeve proven her brilliance at gathering information and surprising her with it? Frankly, Haruko was tired of reminding Maeve how awful it was to be a soldier and the terrible repercussions of it. But what Haruko was truly tired was the fact that Maeve could not see her usefulness in her position. 

Haruko got up from her seat, left her cup on the table, and walked to the door. Haruko opened the door and then slammed it shut when she left. Maeve winced when she heard the door slam with so much anger. It felt as though the entire house shook with her anger. Maeve couldn't help but start to cry. She was so frustrated that she could not get her meaning across to Haruko. Haruko had brought herself up from the ground, had taken it upon herself to be the sacrificial lamb of sorts. 

Her friend had said that she would be the one to go to war and to repay their debts to the Inquisition while Maeve looked for a way to get back home. This was made at the beginning of the adventures here, when Maeve was still struggling to handle her anxiety. Since then, she had been able to find the right potion to keep her anxiety at bay. She was able to function as a normal person. Sure if she forgot to take her potion then she would not be able to function for the day, but still she had found a way to be a normal person.

And despite all of the horrible things that happened on the field, Haruko still found a way to keep herself on top. She devoted her time to her training, and on her rest days she would have her nose in a book to study battle strategy or the history of Thedas. Haruko had completely sacrificed herself to this cause despite the nightmares, despite the killing, despite becoming a soldier. She was helping more people and bettering herself in ways to help the Inquisition while Maeve still sat on her hands. Tears started to flow down her cheeks as Maeve lost the ability to control them.

~

It did not take much for Haruko to find things to keep herself and her mind too busy to think. She’d already checked the equipment at least three times, and helped train the other soldiers. She fought with anyone willing to spare with her but her emotions still plagued her. Maybe if she could she would go for a ride with Yakul to try and clear her head. Currently she was working on organizing the equipment, again.

“If you keep working like that you’ll be too worn to work outside on the field,” a voice nagged at her.

Haruko looked over her shoulder to see Krem standing there with a laugh in his eyes. Haruko gave the Lieutenant a scowl as she straightened up a bunch of swords that were carelessly tossed into their rack.

“Says the one who would willingly allow The Iron Bull to beat the shit out of him day in and day out,” Haruko countered.

“Whooooa, it’s not like it’s on purpose,” Krem said with a laugh. He held his hands up in defense before he put his hands back down. Haruko rolled her eyes at the man before she returned back to her original task.

“You do realize that this is the fourth time you have organized and went through all of the equipment,” Krem point out. Haruko’s hand stopped short of sword’s hilt. She meant to grab it but Krem’s words echoed far more in her mind. The more she thought about it, the more her mind returned to her argument with Maeve this morning. With that in mind, she curled her fingers into a crushing fist.

“You look like you could use a drink,” the man said. Haruko looked over at Krem and entertained the idea. However, she shook her head last minute.

“I don’t drink my problems away,” Haruko informed. She glanced back at the equipment. “I have to do things and think them out.”

“Careful, you keep that up and you’ll have grey hair before the end of the year,” Krem teased. He gave a little laugh but it died down as soon as Haruko didn't laugh with him.

“Aaaalright, what's eating the wolf of the army?” Krem asked.

“It’s nothing,” Haruko said thoughtful frown. “And I am far from being a wolf of anything.”

“It would be nothing if you were going home right about now,” Krem said. “And Bull is the one to give you that name. You’ll have to take it up with the big man if you don’t like your nickname.”

“I think the Iron Bull takes too many liberties,” Haruko muttered in frustration. She glanced up at the sky and noticed that the sun was starting to disappear behind the landscape.

_I missed lunch….and dinner_ she thought with a sighed then itched the back of her head. What was she going to do? She made herself so busy that she forgot even the basic human needs.

“At least talk with the Chief,” Krem suggested. “You two’ve already shared a tale or two.”

Maybe Krem was right. Maybe she needed to speak to someone about these issues to someone who would listen with a neutral ear or at least act that part out. Haruko, after all, did not do well by herself and left to worry herself to death. Thinking might be something she did most of the time, but if she let her own thoughts consume her, her health would suffer greatly.

“Bull’s got other things to worry about than my stupid friend fights,” Haruko said with a cast down expression. “I’ll figure it out…somehow…”

“Have it your way,” Krem said. He left it at that. Haruko was thankful that Krem would leave the matter alone. She didn't need to burden anyone else with these stupid fights. Maeve and Haruko just needed time to cool off right? Haruko gave a small sigh and took a few steps to the stables. 

_Nah…it will be too late by the time I get there…_ Haruko thought to herself. If she went now and added the time it would take to get Yakul ready for a ride out in the wilderness, the sun would have disappeared. It had never stopped her before but she wanted to enjoy the ride and let Yakul walk wherever. If she could not see, then she would get lost and that was dangerous. Instead, she took up her sword and went to the training dummies. 

No one was there, except for a few soldiers that were going over a few complicated sets. Haruko found a space to practice mock battles in her head. They were a conglomerate of the sets that Commander Cullen had taught them.

First she closed her eyes and took a small breath. She had to get into the zone, to meditate for a moment, and then her eyes opened. Before her was the open battlefield with the enemy upon her. A sword came down to strike at her but Haruko blocked with her shield and then struck out with an upward slash. Blood sprayed as her blade made contact with flesh and the body dropped to the ground. Her next opponent came up faster than the first. He tried to stab at her, but Haruko side stepped out of the way and charged in with a shield bash. With her opponent knocked down onto the ground, she finished with a stab to the throat. Haruko’s eyes went away from her opponent to the next. A mage cast fire balls at her. Haruko tried to dodge and block as best she could. 

_Angle down_ Haruko thought in her head as she blocked a fireball head on. The flames lapped at her legs and surrounded her body. The mage was only a distraction for a heavy knight to come in on her blind spot. Haruko tried to twist around, to block the heavy hammer with her shield but she ended up tripping on her own two feet. That broke her concentration as she landed on the ground. Haruko then stood back up, at Haven, with more frustration in her chest. Her sword lay in the ground and her hands on her hips as she walked back and forth to think about what went wrong.

“Best to try and be lighter on your feet if you’re going to use that move,” a voice suggested.

“Maybe if the mage wasn't the distraction,” Haruko said to no one in particular. She leaned down and picked up her blade.

“I can use that move,” the same voice said simply. Haruko looked over to see the Iron Bull. He stood a little ways away and watched her with interest.

“You have had more time with this fighting thing,” Haruko muttered.

“Yeah, but you can break a warrior’s arm without a weapon,” the Iron Bull pointed out. Haruko glared up at him with a harsh glare.

“Like I’d want to do that,” Haruko snapped angrily. That wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for Haruko to take her anger out on the Iron Bull when it was not his fault she was angry. None of this was his fault.

“Sorry,” she murmured quietly. “I’m…not at my best.”

“Krem mentioned something like that,” the Iron Bull said.

“That piece of shit,” Haruko muttered under her breath with a shake of her head.

“He means well,” the Iron Bull said with a small shrug.

“Yeah well…I did not want to burden anyone else with my stupid bullshit,” Haruko said as she sheathed her sword. “I don't need you playing counselor every time I get into an argument or have a bad day.”

“But you are not like the same as the rest,” the Iron Bull said firmly. He walked closer to her so that only she could hear him.

“Some people can handle it by keeping it on the inside, thinking about it all day. You on the other hand talk out the problems that are thrown at you, and that is every problem. Planning strategies, settling arguments, making a list. Your thoughts are on the outside,” he said.

“Usually,” Haruko corrected for him.

“No, they are on the outside whether you say something or not,” the Iron Bull said as though it was fact. “You become attentive to your duties, find new things to do even if you have already done them twice. Even as you swing your weapon your emotions play out in your swings as to whether you are mad or frustrated. Sometimes it is harder to tell because you get a little more wild when you are frustrated or angry and even more so if you allow both to consume you.”

“How is this helping?” Haruko asked with a bit of a bite in her words.

“Point is, you need someone to listen to you and to bring you back from your own mind. If you allow yourself to think too much, you make the problem far worse than it really is. If someone helps you see that, you are able to attack and fix the problem appropriately,” the Iron Bull answered.

Haruko sighed heavily and looked away from the Iron Bull for a minute. He wasn't exactly wrong. She always asked for others opinion to make sure that she was not blowing things out of proportion. There were plenty of times that she didn't need the opinions of others, but not this time. She needed to understand Maeve’s perspective, to understand what made her feel so useless when Haruko saw that she was not. 

Haruko looked over at the Iron Bull. He didn't make a move to leave. The Iron Bull would probably stand there until Haruko caved in and spoke to him or she challenged him to a duel with the prize would whether or not they conversed. If he refused the duel he would just tell her what he thought was wrong and she would just get more frustrated with the misunderstandings than the actual problem itself. There was no winning for her…or so it would seem.

“Maeve thinks she isn’t useful here,” Haruko started. “She thinks that what I do and how I do it is more important than what she does. And that’s dumb because there is no glory in killing people.”

Haruko then pointed at the Iron Bull with a warning finger. She knew that he would say something completely opposite.

“Don’t start, I hate killing people even if they are my enemies,” Haruko snapped.

“And then what of demons?” The Iron Bull asked before Haruko could continue.

“I said _people_ , demons are different,” Haruko replied with intense frustration. This didn't feel as though it was helping but Haruko could not stop herself from talking.

“I don't know if she’s gonna listen to anything more I have to say…I left the house when she completely shut me out…she’s recruited a Grey Warden _and_ someone from the Friends of Red Jenny. She’s also been given more jobs recently. I don't see where she sees the uselessness in her job. When she’s not doing anything else she’s looking into how to get us back…”

“Maybe it’s because the tasks seem far less than what you are doing?” The Iron Bull pointed out.

“That’s not the point Iron Bull,” Haruko said as a reflex. She sighed and looked into the wilderness with a very sad and tired expression. How could she get her point across.

“In a cause like this, everyone has their place. Mine happens to be being the strong arm. Maeve’s the nervous system. In my opinion that is the best place to be. In all actuality, no one position is more important than the rest…I can’t figure out what the actual hidden reason for feeling this useless…” she tried to be as simple as she could.

“Ha, for a moment you sounded like you were a Qunari,” The Iron Bull said with a wry smirk on his face. Haruko whipped a glare at him. Unlike the Qunari, or those who follow the Qun, Haruko liked her ability to choose what she wanted to do with her life rather than have someone tell her what to be. Her decision to be a soldier was hers alone. Her decision to continue to be one was hers and hers alone. The Iron Bull held up his hands to signal he was not going to say much more on the subject.

“Why don't I go talk to her?” the Iron bull suggested.

“I’d feel like this would be breaking some sort of trust between us,” Haruko admitted.

“She doesn't have to know that it was you who spoke to me first about it,” the Iron Bull said. Haruko scowled lightly at him. Who else would have known about this? Haruko still believed it was not right sending the Iron Bull on a referee mission without first speaking to Maeve about it. But how else was this problem going to be solved? Haruko was too passionate, even in her care for her friends, and thus could easily mishear the words being said and their meanings. Maeve would easily close herself off when Haruko would get too emotional. 

“Okay…just…don’t tell her that I asked you…” Haruko said softly.

“As far as you know, I was the one that suggested it,” the Iron Bull reminded.

“Might want to give it some time…Maeve might not be in the house at all,” Haruko informed for the Iron Bull’s benefit. He gave a smile and a little wink.

“Don’t worry too much about it, Wolf,” the Iron Bull said. “I’ve memorized her habits.”

“Good to know…” Haruko said with a little nervousness. “As anyone told you that something like that comes off a little creepy?”

“More than once I think,” The Iron Bull replied with a little chuckle. Haruko nodded a couple of times.

“And what’s with “Wolf”? I have a name, why not use it?” Haruko asked. She’d disliked that name only because her first kill with a sword was a wolf. She also was unaware why she was considered for such a name.

“Has anyone told you how fierce you look on the battlefield?” the Iron Bull asked. “You make sure that your opponents are focused on you and no one else. Your friends come first before yourself and you have a problem with authority.”

Haruko sighed heavily. Nicknames were never chosen they were given. She just hoped this nickname would not go out of hand. But then again, her name she used her was also a nickname. 

~

A few days had passed, Maeve and Haruko had not spoken a word to each other. In fact, Maeve had not seen Haruko conscious at all. Most mornings, Haruko was out before Maeve could get up. By the time Maeve returned, Haruko was either out or already asleep. There was only one occasion that Haruko had a nightmare, and that night Haruko left to walk it off as she usually did. Maeve was left to watch her friend disappeared behind a closed door. There was nothing she could say to help her friend without fear of turning it into an argument.

“…” Maeve sat at the table. Most of the papers at the table were disorganized notes and reports from elsewhere. Since there was a push for space here in Haven, Maeve’s work had been moved to her house. All of it was information that the Inquisition could use to gain allies, supplies, etc. There were also scattered notes on magic and traveling with it. Much of it were negative answers to her question for help. The most common answer from her queries was “There has never been a case where someone was summoned from a different world”. The other was “have you had your head checked” or something close to that. A knock came from the door.

“Come in,” Maeve said loudly. She didn’t look up from her current ask, not even as she heard the creak of the door.

“Got a minute?” a voice asked. Maeve looked up to see that it was the Iron Bull. The door closed behind him and Maeve gave a slight look at her desk.

“Uh,” she said hesitantly. “Maybe in a year or two.”

“You're just organizing things,” the Iron Bull said as though it were the simplest thing in the world to do. Maeve made a face at Bull.

“I don’t think you understand how serious organizing is supposed to be,” Maeve said with attitude.

“It’s not that difficult to put papers in a pile,” the Iron Bull teased. Maeve rolled her eyes at the Iron Bull.

“What exactly did you want?” Maeve asked. This time she gave him her full attention. She might be good at her job but she could not multitask the same as everyone else. There was also the suspicion that hung in the air. The man that stood before her usually gave more foreplay before he wanted to do something rough and far more interesting. Social calls were usually met when she was out walking around, and never in their home. And usually by now he would have seated himself if it was a social call.

“Haruko’s been beating herself up about you,” the Iron Bull said simply. “I don't think I have seen her work herself to the bone as she has been right now.”

“And you came to that conclusion?” Maeve asked.

“Just a guess,” the Iron Bull replied. “Judging by the look on your face I would guess that she hasn't been here much either.”

Maeve tensed a little. Yes, they haven’t seen or spoken since their argument but Haruko had hardly made it easy. She’d been out all day and practically all night as well. Then again Maeve had not made any move to look for Haruko and make them speak to one another. Maeve turned her back on the Iron Bull and tried to concentrate on the papers before her but she just couldn't. She sighed a little bit.

“No she hasn't been here,” she said. “I thought maybe she did not want to talk about it any more like the future she saw.”

“I don’t believe that you really think that,” the Iron Bull said. Maeve shot an angry look at the Qunari. She really did hate it when he called her out like that. But she did not exactly lie well enough. She was still emotional about it, still angry and tired and…she just wished that they could be friends again _and_ solve these emotions that she had been feeling.

“We fought. I told her that I felt useless in my job but she would not listen to me,” Maeve explained after a time.

“And have you haven’t done anything?” the Iron Bull asked. She could hear the creak of the floor groan under his footsteps as he walked across it. He moved so that he was beside her, just an arm’s length away.

“Because I haven’t,” Maeve said angrily. “I’ve been just stuck on my ass, waiting for the call to action but it never comes.”

“Maybe you haven’t been able to see what your call to action is?” the Iron Bull asked.

“Did I let it go to voicemail?” Maeve asked dryly. She was so sick and tired of people thinking that she didn’t see the value in her work.

“Voicemail?” the Iron Bull asked with a confused look. Maeve sighed in frustration. The Iron Bull had not been in her world but she was in no mood to explain the concept of “voicemail.”

“It’s a thing from my world,” Maeve answered and let that frustration show. “Too complicated.”

“Okay?” the Iron Bull said. He was still confused but he did not probe for further information. “Then tell me why you think you are just sitting on your ass all day?”

Maeve looked a little irritated and gestured to all of her. Was it that hard of a concept to see? She gestured to the table and the paperwork that was thrown about. What part of she was sitting on her ass doing nothing did they not understand?

“Because that is _exactly_ what I am doing,” she emphasized in frustration.

“Well, currently at the moment yes,” he said with a shrug. He walked to a chair and sat down. “But that’s not what I am talking about at the moment.”

“I don't…get it? I'm literally sitting here, doing nothing. I'm organizing. That's not doing much,” Maeve then said. What was the Iron Bull trying to get at? Was there something she was getting?

“Aren't you researching a way to return to your world? Did you help infiltrate the castle to gain the help of the Mages? Did you also recruit two key people to the Inquisition?” the Iron Bull asked.

“I do sleep with one of them don’t I?” Maeve asked with a sly grin on her face. Wait that’s not what they were talking about right now.

“But besides the point. I followed a bunch of people and aimed an arrow. Haruko's out here being a hero! But I mean, that's who she is,” Maeve said as she gestured to the door. Half of her expected Haruko to walk through that door.

“And you think that going out there is something to be heroic about it?” the Iron Bull asked with an eyebrow raised. He leaned back in his chair as he spoke.  
“Haruko has expressed it, rather aggressively, that she doesn't enjoy what she has to do. Not that I see what she doesn't like about it. I'm sure she's snapped at you too about the whole thing. She's made that decision to go out there and fight because she didn't want to have you do it. It wasn’t to make you feel useless.”

He then took a breath to think of what to say next. It didn’t take long either.

“She made that decision to protect your mind, to protect you. Haruko believes that every time she goes out there and takes another life that she is one more step closer to becoming a monster, a murderer, something that she didn't want you to have to feel.”

Maeve clenched her fists. Yes, she was very aware of that Haruko had expressed these words to her on more than one occasion too. Over and over again Haruko had reminded that her job was not glorious in any means of the word. But was it worse that feeling like you were doing nothing?

“Okay, yeah, I get that. But let's be real. I'm over here playing secretary. I'm organizing files and listening to people's conversations and dicking around with Dorian. I'm training with a bow and not even using it,” Maeve finally said with a huff.

“There are plenty of people that are in that same position, Maeve, and they seem to be happy about that,” the Iron Bull said. They seemed to be at an impasse. 

“How about I ask you this, do you really want to go out on the field with Haruko and be strong enough to make that choice over someone else's life like she has?” he then asked.

Maeve looked at the table. No…she didn’t really want to have that decision over someone’s life like that. In a perfect world, she would not have to do this at all. She’d be in college and finishing her education. She’d live the normal life of an American, and not even holding a bow. Maeve then looked out the window and listened to the noises outside. 

“It's a lot more complicated than I think it is really,” she said then looked back at the Iron Bull. “In the heat of the moment, it doesn't really matter who that person is. If it's my life or his, screw it. I don't care. Sometimes I'm too reckless for my own good."

She gave a sigh. Why couldn't people get it? What did it matter if she gave her life to this cause? She could easily be replaced by someone else. Pushing papers, filing, researching, anyone could read a piece of paper and take notes on the stuff.

“Is that really what you think? Do you know how that choice would affect other people? Recklessness is good, but good heroes are not always reckless and in the field. Can you separate your emotions from your enemy, from the fight, and make that decision to end someone’s life or let them live with injuries?” the Iron Bull then asked calmly. The fact that no one seemed to understood what she meant was all the more frustrating.

“I mean reckless as in “I don't care about me.” Decisions need to be made and all that stuff, sure. Who knows if I would be able to make that decision? I just mean I don’t care about myself enough to defend me. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna let it happen" Maeve said firmly even as she had turned to look down at the papers below. If her life ended, that would be that. The world would not stop and miss her if she was gone just as it did for so many other people that had passed on. What was one more added to the pile?

“I wouldn't let Haruko hear you saying that,” the Iron Bull said with a sigh. “And that way of thinking might be the reason why you have not gone out on any missions yet. No one soldier is just _replaceable._ They all have a purpose and a skill to add to this Inquisition. Sure, someone else could probably stack papers, organize, and run messages back and forth, but you have knowledge that no one else has. You are from a different place all together.”

“Surprise, Haruko can do that too! But it’s not just her, either. It’s everyone. I have no special skills that can help here. You and Blackwall and Cullen are great at fighting and stuff. Sera’s got a whole crew of people. And then magic?? Dorian can do the magic thing better than I can breathe,” Maeve snapped. They all had abilities that made them unique and helpful. But Maeve? She was a nobody, nothing but a normal girl in this normal world. She marveled at how much Haruko could succeed when the world just flung crap at them…but Maeve…she couldn't say that she could excel in that or even compete with it.

She watched as the Iron Bull seemed to take her words a bit more seriously. It wasn't like he had not been serious this entire time, he was just the first to try and understand what Maeve was trying to say. He had a slight tilt to his head as his eye seemed to drift off in thought. Mere moments passed on and his gaze returned to Maeve’s.

“Are you saying that you are completely worthless?” the Iron Bull asked bluntly. Maeve thought she might have winced at those words. She would have been a little gentler with the phrasing, maybe, but it still hurt to have her thoughts vocalized. 

“I'm saying that I'm not worth near the same amount the rest of you are,” Maeve said with a groan. “I can sit here and organize papers and sleep with people and cheer them on. And that does a hell of a lot to close that damn thing in the sky?”

“If that is the case then why is Haruko so protective of you? Why would Sera agree to sleep with you? Why would Hal suggest to go on missions with you?” the Iron Bull asked. At least he was trying to understand her words. What was Maeve saying that made it so difficult to understand.

“Haruko's naturally protective. I'm just good in bed, and I whine to Hal. It’s pity,” she said bitterly. All of it was out of pity for the pour girl that cannot control her own mind. That thought made her angrier.

“And you think that Haruko wouldn't protect you if you weren't worth something to her? You think Sera would just sleep with anyone? And you think Hal would just give into your whining?” the Iron Bull then asked. Maeve gave a moment to think, but just a moment.

“Yes and yes to the second two," Maeve answered.

“So then by your logic, if someone else came along that had the same qualifications, the skills, that they would allow them to whine, sleep with, and protect over?” the Iron Bull said to confirm Maeve’s thoughts.

“Yes.”

“Huh, well I disagree with you there,” the Iron Bull said simply.

“You and every other person I’ve talked to,” Maeve replied with a snap in her tone. “I’ve got some pretty sound logic.”

“Haruko just doesn't take anyone under her wing. Even with the soldiers, and they're some right assholes, she doesn't affiliate with them. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like Solas, and she is rather old-fashioned but yet allows you to speak of your sexual life so casually,” the Iron Bull explained. “Sera wouldn't be the type of person to get too attached to any one person in particular and yet she has allowed you so easily into her bed. Hal, he's the Herald, and he doesn't put up with as much shit as you think he does. So yeah, I would have to disagree with you.”

“But if you got another me, then it's me. You put that one in place of this one,” Maeve said dramatically. “And BAM! No problem.”

“But that's the thing, there is not another _you_ leaving your argument a little useless,” the Iron Bull pointed out.

“You don't know that. There are billions of people in my world and probably millions if not billions here. With that, there's more than definitely another person like me around," Maeve countered angrily. This was getting them nowhere.

“And you don't know that either. But if there is one thing that I know, there is never someone to replace a single person. In the Qun, there is a place for everyone. A role that a specific individual is good for,” the Iron Bull informed with a serious expression.

“Okay, so then by your logic, there's no me. Haruko's heartbroken, Sera's left unsatisfied, and there's one less person to whine about," Maeve muttered.

The Iron Bull gave a heavy sigh. Haruko was not joking when she said that Maeve had shut down on her. Right now he was on the edge between having an argument and talking to a brick wall.

“No by my logic, you are unique and so is Haruko, Sera and Hal,” the Iron Bull said.

Maeve blinked with a blank expression on her face. When in all of those words they exchanged, did the word _unique_ show up? There was nothing unique about her. 

“I don't remember what the point of this conversation was,” she finally said. She was tired, done, and just wanted to be left alone.

“The fact that you think you are worthless and are not doing anything worth to the Inquisition,” the Iron Bull replied. He might have thought he was being helpful but it just did more to irritate Maeve.

“So you agree that I'm not doing anything of worth to the Inquisition??” Maeve snapped angrily at the Iron Bull. He stopped and rubbed his face. The one thing that might have been a sign to his own irritation except a frown or growl of frustration.

“No you asked what the point was, what YOUR point was. My point is the fact that everyone is unique and irreplaceable, very similar to Haruko's argument. I'm just here to make sure you start to believe that,” he said with a hint of frustration.

“Oooooooooooh, right. I was just a little confused,” Maeve said all dramatically. “I’ll wait for that belief to kick in at any time.”

“……Do you have someone that you actually care about? A significant other? A parent maybe?” the Iron Bull asked. Maybe there was a different angle to take this.

Maeve scoffed at the Iron Bull.

“Yeah, how about both of my parents can go to hell, I don't know, and I basically raised my siblings, but they haven't needed me for a while,” she answered each question in order. What was the point of this?

“Do they think you are worthless?” The Qunari asked.

“My kids? They probably hate me for being the mother they never wanted,” Maeve replied in spite. The Iron Bull wasn't surprised often, but considering Maeve was so full of contradictions he’d have to say he was surprised right now.

“And I’m the Empress of Orlais,” he commented gruffly.

“That’s not what your penis said,” Maeve retorted.

“My penis says a lot of things,” the Iron Bull said with a chuckle. It was definitely never a dull moment with Maeve even if they were arguing.

“You know, for thinking that you are worthless, and don't contribute, you seem to be sending mixed signals. If you really did think that you were that worthless, that no one would care that you were replaced, you would have fixed that by now,” he finally said.

“What do you mean?” Maeve asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Worst case scenario, we would have buried your body. Best case, you would have left the Inquisition to find that place where you thought you were of worth. Yet, you haven't left Haruko's side, still sleep with Sera, and continue to bother the Boss as you would call to _whine_ ,” the Iron Bull elaborated.

“And?” Maeve asked.

“I think you just haven't found a place for yourself here and you aren't sure of what to do about it. Because you haven’t been exactly the type to just continue to sit on your ass and wait. That's how you found Sera,” the Iron Bull replied. There was also the point when Maeve decided, on her own, to go to Orlais, on her own, and find notes for the Herald, on her own. There was a lot of things that Maeve took into her own hands at times, she just didn't see her accomplishments when she had barely anything to do.

“Okay, so that's a good point,” Maeve muttered. “Then where is my place?”

“Well one is in Sera's bed, the other is on my lap, another would be making sure Haruko doesn't go insane and constantly teasing her about Cullen, and the last is getting Hal drunk and laughing like a normal person instead of constantly allowing him to be Boss,” the Iron Bull said without a moment to pause and think.

“Sooo, having sex around the camp?” Maeve asked with a confused look on her face.

“It was a joke, you should learn to laugh a little,” he said with a little firmness in his tone.

“Ha! ha ha!” Maeve laughed dramatically. “Like that?”

“For as many jokes as you tell around here, you sure don't know what a joke is,” the Iron Bull commented.

“Or maybe you’re just not that funny,” Maeve replied shortly.

“Wasn't the attitude you had the last time we were together. As I recall, you couldn't get enough of it,” the Iron Bull said.

“Of your penis,” Maeve corrected calmly.

“Could have fooled me,” the Iron Bull said with a shrug. “Anyway, I see you're not getting the point. You make people smile."

“Yeah,” Maeve agreed a little. “I do that I guess.”

The Iron Bull’s sentence gave her enough to pause. Was that what she did? Made people smile when they could not do it themselves? Haruko, maybe, considering that woman needed to take her own break every now and then. Sera and Hal? Sera liked to enjoy a good time, and Hal was the Herald with a lot of weight on his shoulders. Maybe the Iron Bull was right.

“You can't stand it when people are upset. Sometimes that means you sacrifice a little of your time and energy by making them laugh. At some other times, if they are willing, a little extra,” the Iron Bull continued with a hint to some other activities.

“A little time and energy that could be spent otherwise doing nothing!” Maeve complained.

“Only if you see it that way. I'm sure the people around the camp would tell you otherwise,” the Iron Bull then said. Maeve scowled at him

“Go read a book and do something useful,” Maeve did her best impression of Leliana then rolled her eyes. “Sure.”

“Leliana is an exception. She strives for a perfection that not many people understand. Even Hal has a hard time with her and her ideals,” he explained.

“I'm running out of people to imitate that tell me what to do,” Maeve said with irritation in her voice.

“Because you know that I am right and you are running from the truth,” the Iron Bull put it out there for her to see. Maeve opened her mouth and then closed it. That wasn't what she was doing…or was it? Now she was just confused and irritated for more reasons than she cared to count. It was far simpler to say she was useless rather than to admit that she might be running from some truth even she did not see. 

“I don't know what to tell you then,” Maeve said shortly. Maybe the act of trying to do work would dissuade the Iron Bull from speaking further.

“I’ll take that as an I _win_ ,” the Iron Bull said with a smirk.

“You take it however you want,” Maeve said with the same shortness as before. She tried to busy her hands by stacking the papers she didn't care to stack.

“Maeve, you know that I'm talking to you about this because Haruko's out there beating herself up for not being able to help you right?” the Iron Bull said. He didn't necessarily want to play this card, but he wanted to show Maeve that Haruko cared about her. There were more people out there that actually cared for Maeve as a person and did not care if she was “contributing” on the field of battle. His words seemed to reach her and Maeve slowly stopped stacking her papers to look at him.

“What do you mean?” she asked softly.

“She hasn't been keeping up on her meals, placed all of her work into her training and the training of others, and I'm pretty sure you've noticed that she hasn't been at home exactly all that much,” the Qunari explained.

“She's killing herself because she can't help me? What is she even supposed to do? Get me a better job around here? That's an argument for Hal, not her!" Maeve exclaimed in anger. Yes, their initial argument was because of her feelings and it got out of hand. But if what the Iron Bull says is true, then Haruko had taken it to a different level. 

“And yet she's the one that triggered you to blow up like this. She doesn't know what to do just as much as you think you don't. I spoke with her a little and she doesn't know how to make you see what I just walked you through. She doesn't understand why you think you are worthless and wants to fix it when it's something for you to fix. And I'm pretty sure you know she wouldn't want to take you out onto the field if you still think you are worthless,” the Iron Bull continued. 

“I was drunk!! I didn't fucking mean to say it! And I had no idea this was going on! No one is telling me shit around here!” Maeve shouted. She couldn't believe her friend was beating herself up over something like this…No she could. That was Haruko, the person who always had an answer for everything, who went well out of her way to help her friends and others who couldn't help themselves. Maeve swore under her breath.

“Haruko didn't want you to know, not till she knew that you were okay. You said it yourself she was protective, and we both know that she won't stop because she's afraid that she won't be able to continue on if she does. Also, I think you need to give people a little credit. You want people into your personal life with your friend?” the Iron Bull explained. He knew that Haruko didn't want Maeve to worry because that just meant that Haruko was added to Maeve’s burdens.

“First off, she wouldn't know if she didn't talk to me. And you're in my personal life?” Maeve said then asked incredulously.

“I sleep with you on occasion,” the Iron Bull answered. He then shifted to sit just a little more provocatively. “Remember?”

“No,” Maeve said suggestively. “Want to remind me?”

“When you’re not busy perhaps,” the Iron Bull said casually.

“Am I ever busy?” Maeve asked.

“Well that stack of papers is sticking out,” the Iron Bull pointed out to the stack at the corner of the table. Maeve looked at it for a moment before skillfully organizing each individual paper so it looked perfect.

“There, that better?” she asked when she was through. The Iron Bull got a smirk on his face.

“Perfect,” the Iron Bull said with a nod of approval. “Now, I'll look into a couple of jobs and see if I can get you into them. That’ll get you used to the work outside of this office and then you can make up with Haruko. If you agree to that I promise you a better time than last."

“I'll be made up with her by the morning if it's gonna be better than last,” Maeve answered with a seductive grin.

“I don't think you’re going to be walking by morning,” the Iron Bull said with proud and expectant grin on his face.

“Maybe I'll need to call off then,” Maeve said then laughed at her own joke.

“I think you're going to have to explain that one to me sometime,” the Iron Bull said. Whatever Maeve was talking about; it was ruining the mood.

“Maybe if it's as good as you say it is, I will,” Maeve said as she walked to his chair rather slowly. The Iron Bull reached out and pulled Maeve to him the rest of the way. Maeve just had to continue to be a tease, but in the end it always worked out into something far more enjoyable than a moment of irritation.

~

Haruko found herself out in the training yard, her gaze locked with that of one of the dummies. Her arms felt heavy, as did her sword, but she could not bring herself to put them down. If she truly wanted to train more, then she needed to give herself some sort of a break. She’d been out since the crack of dawn, and did not leave until well into the night. It was only when one of the other soldiers told her to go rest that she finally went to her bed. But how could she go home? She had yet to understand how Maeve felt.

Haruko struck at the dummies with full force. The vibration from the impact shook her arms and made them tingle. It was not the first strike nor was it going to be the last. With her renewed anger and frustration with herself and the situation, Haruko struck at the dummy until her sword arm started to shake. Her breath came in short, winded pants as she gazed at her hand. There was a slight shake, a sign of weakness of her body. Haruko gave a small sigh because she knew exactly why she was weak. Her habits had not been exactly healthy, and with the stress of worry about her friend…she could not bring herself to eat a meal she knew she was only going to throw back up.

“You have been at this for hours,” a stern voice said behind her. Haruko turned and saw Cassandra. She stood there with the same stern face as her voice had sounded. Haruko then turned away from Cassandra and gazed back at the training dummies.

“I suspect I could continue, I still can hold my sword in my hand,” Haruko said with a half joking tone.

“One must take care of their body if they are to improve it,” Cassandra said as she walked to Haruko’s side. Haruko gave yet another sigh but did not look at the Seeker.

“Go rest, try and find some rest,” Cassandra said with a hand placed to her shoulder. Haruko looked over to the Seeker and then away.

“If only I could find it…” she confided lightly. 

“You only have to try,” Cassandra said. Haruko sheathed her weapon to her hip.

“Somehow I think it will take more than that,” Haruko said. However, she understood what the Seeker was trying to do. There was little to soothe a worried mind, especially when the problem persisted. Perhaps tonight Haruko might find some sort of sleep, maybe some sort of rest before the morning came. But her doubts would keep her up all night.

~

The next day was just as bright as the last. The bout of good weather had done much to lift the spirits of Haven. It was definitely better than having cold days as well as cold nights. Maeve found herself in a doubly cheery mood. She’d slept into noon, spent a wonderful evening with the Iron Bull and all of his many splendors, and finally was coming to terms with her slight role here in the Inquisition. The Iron Bull had promised to take her on other missions, to get her some field experience when she was not with Hal. This was to be done without Haruko’s knowledge and the thought excited her. All and all, things seemed to look up for Maeve. 

“Oh hey Blackwall!” Maeve shouted when she saw a tall and bearded man in the distance. He stood at Seggrit’s shop and looked at the various wares. Honestly Maeve thought that Seggrit sold his things just a little too high, but the life of a merchant was not necessarily easy when no one wanted to come and do business. Even worse when there was a hole in the sky and a Templar Mage war still going on. 

“Oh…hello Maeve, you seem awfully cheery today,” he commented. Maeve gave him a huge grin on her face and fell in step with him.

“What are you talking about, I am always cheery,” she replied to him. Blackwall gave a light chuckle. 

“I suppose you are,” he said. He didn't seem to have anything in hand which made Maeve a little curious.

“You weren’t buying anything?” she asked.

“I was running a small errand for Harritt, but it seems that his shipment of metals for the Inquisition is slightly delayed. The Herald is on his way to figure out what the issue is, if his spymaster does not find out first,” Blackwall replied. “Out running errands too?”

There was a hint of irritation that popped up but Maeve mentally shook it off. She had a reason to celebrate and be happy. She was on her way to see Haruko, and to get her to take a break for once. There was one order that was slide under her locked door from Cassandra and yet another from Hal. She was sure the next would be from the Commander but that would not be necessary.

“Just following orders as usual,” Maeve said. Normally those words would taste bitter in her mouth, but not today. There was a slight sense of bitterness, but less so since the Iron Bull’s promise.

“Well I will see you some other time then,” Blackwall said. The slight awkward silence seemed to get to the man. He turned to walk away but Maeve followed him.

“Oh I happen to be going in this direction,” Maeve said as she walked beside him. There were a few footsteps of silence before Maeve, herself, could not take it. 

“Why are you so stoic?” Maeve asked Blackwall. There was a slight sound, a grunt of scoff at the question.

“Stoic?” Blackwall repeated. “Is that what you think I am?”

“I mean that’s what you look like all the time,” Maeve explained farther.

“I was attempting to be more aloof,” he then said. “Guess there was bound to be a mistake or two along the way.”

“Perhaps that’s what happens when you live your life away from people and just recruiting,” Maeve said as a statement. “Maybe that’s why your sense of humour is slightly gone.”

“Depends on your definition of humor,” Blackwall pointed out. He gave a half shrug but Maeve could swear she could see a small smirk under that thick beard of his.

“Can you laugh?” Maeve asked. This question threw Blackwall for a loop. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her, baffled.

“Can I-?” he stumbled over his words as much as he nearly stumbled over his feet. “Are you saying I can’t laugh because I’m stoic?”

“Yes, or maybe you can’t laugh because that beard’s in your way,” Maeve suggested. It was a massive beard. The two longest points of his beard hung nearly too his chest, but met closer to the midway point between neck chin and chest. It was magnificently thick, and hide any smile or frown the man made. Maybe if Maeve had time she could tie beads in his beard and make him look like a pirate. 

“I don't think the beard has anything to do with the ability to laugh,” he replied with a slight jovial and yet disbelief in his tone of voice. “Besides I like the beard. It keeps my face warm in these cold Ferelden winters.”

“Then it must be because your _stone-ic_ ,” Maeve said a smile across her face. “You’re made of stone.”

“I doubt I would have the beard this long if that were the case,” Blackwall commented with a chuckle. Maeve was unbelievable. She continued to make jokes, sometimes without real sense to the conversation but it made him smile. Or she was genuinely trying to get him to laugh because she genuinely thought he could not laugh.

“Stones can grow beards,” Maeve declared. She was so proud of such a declaration.

“Really?” Blackwall said with a look of doubt. “Name one.”

“…” Maeve took a moment to think and to think hard. “You’re not from my world. You wouldn't know.”

“That doesn’t count then…” Blackwall said. He thought for a moment. “Unless you are talking about the plant “Ghoul’s Beard” I doubt there is any rock that has had a beard.”

“No, you have a point,” Maeve said with a sigh of disappointment. It didn’t really count that there was a plant here in Thedas that actually grew to look like a beard. It had to be a plant that grew on a rock and made it look like it had a beard.

“But there are plants in my world, I think it’s called moss, that grows on rocks!” Maeve said defiantly. “There is a possibility there could be a beard on a rock and we have yet to discover it.”

“But you haven’t seen it,” Blackwall then said.

“You don’t know my life!” Maeve shouted dramatically. “You don't know where I’ve been!”

“I wasn't implying that I knew,” Blackwall seemed utterly confused at this point. Maeve could see that, just that slight worry in his eye when his beard hid his facial expression.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just a little weird,” Maeve said softly. There was a slight twinge of embarrassment.

“At least you would readily admit that,” Blackwall said. His voice sounded more amused than confused. “I doubt many people in this world would do such a thing.”

“I’ve been here long enough,” Maeve pointed out with a laugh. “Those I don’t tell already know.”

“I suppose so,” he replied with a chuckle of his own. Maeve pointed at him with an accusatory face. For all of her drama it was bound to get her into trouble, but she didn’t care.

“Oh!!!!” Maeve exclaimed. “He laughs!!!”

“Of course I laugh! I’m human,” Blackwall said with a slightly annoyed tone. Why would anyone think he didn't laugh? There were still things in this world that made him smile. Very few, but they were still there.

“One of the few times I like to be proven wrong,” Maeve said with a small laugh.

“You act like you are always right,” Blackwall then said as he started to walk again. Maeve walked with him to the front gates and even down the stairs.

“Pssssssh, ‘cause I am,” Maeve said as though it were obvious.

“If you were, you would have known that I laugh,” Blackwall pointed out with a sly grin that was hidden behind his beard.

“Hey now,” Maeve said. She mocked the look of hurt and disappointment. “You’re going way too far.”

“Not far enough it seems,” he said nonchalantly.

“How far are we going here?” Maeve asked with a look of suspicion. What was Blackwall talking about? Initially, he seemed like a traditional man who wanted his man space. Not to mention he didn't seem at all interested in other fun activities. 

“I figured you were walking to meet your friend,” Blackwall explained. They were already down the stairs and in front of the training grounds. He had stopped only because he did not know where Haruko was.

“Now you’re just way too literal,” she grumbled. Maeve was slightly disappointed because, in all honest, Blackwall was rather attractive. Not to mention he had a gentleman’s personality or at least that’s what Maeve thought with the little interactions that she had with him thus far.

“You’re the one who asked,” he said firmly. He crossed his arms. There was no distinction as to the nature of their conversation and thus Blackwall steered it to a safer topic of conversation.

“Ugh!” Maeve groaned with the same drama attitude as she had before. “New topic.”

“Sure,” Blackwall agreed with a nod. “What do you want to talk about?”  
“You’re turn to pick one.”

Blackwall looked thoughtful for a moment. Maeve was from a different place all together, and the nature surrounding her being here was a complete mystery. But what could he ask? He wasn’t sure where to start or even how much time Maeve had to speak. Blackwall also lacked the knowledge of what Maeve was willing to talk about. But she was the one who wanted a question from him, so perhaps this was an opportunity to ask her something of her homeland.

“Okay,” he finally said. “How about you tell me about your world? Or have you already told enough people about it? I’m sure Dorian hasn’t left you two alone about the whole thing.”

Maeve gave a huge sigh. Ever since she got here, and spoke to Haruko over it, all anyone ever wanted to know was how they got here. Most of the time Maeve would direct them to Haruko since she remembered the details more. But since she was going out and fighting for the Inquisition more, Maeve had to be the one with all the details. She had to get notes from Haruko on the subject but eventually she remembered every detail because of all the letters she wrote and the stories she told.

“At this point, Dorian knows a lot of everything if you know what I mean,” Maeve said. As she said those words she gave Blackwall a playful nudge with her elbow. It was only to suggest a different meaning behind her words. Unfortunately, it seemed to only further confuse the Grey Warden.

“I’m sure he would be the first to know _everything_ ,” he said with a little distain. Why Blackwall hated Dorian so much was beyond Maeve. “I heard that you have gone to school before, but for much longer than a scholar here. Why would you go for so many years? Twelve was it?”

“And where did you get that information?” Maeve asked.

“I asked Haruko on one occasion,” Blackwall admitted simply. “But she was called away to do her duties. We didn’t get an extensive chance to talk.”

Honestly, if he asked Haruko, then why ask her? Then again Haruko seriously might not have had the chance to go into detail with Blackwall about their world. She had been busy of late, and she took her job very seriously. Too seriously sometimes. 

“To answer your question, I don’t actually know why we go for so long. I was in school for thirteen years. Most people do twelve years of basic school and then four of advanced schooling, I guess,” Maeve said. She wasn't really sure why America would be so focused in on education. Throughout history, the quest for knowledge was usually up to the scholars and everyone else just went about their lives just the same. Though before they left it seemed that if you wanted even the simplest of jobs you needed some sort of college education. Maeve wondered if that was still the same considering how long they were here already.

“Advanced schooling?” Blackwall asked in surprise. “Your world sounds obsessed with education.”

“Yeah…it kind of is,” Maeve said softly.

“That isn’t a bad thing necessarily,” Blackwall said. Maeve looked to him. How was it not a bad thing? Both Haruko and Maeve had debated, heatedly, about how people had no real skills to live outside the walls of a school.

“There are lessons to be learned from furthering your knowledge,” he said. “A chance to learn from history. I can also admire someone who wishes to further themselves.”

“Even if it isn’t with a sword?” Maeve teased.

“There are better ways of dealing with people than just cutting them down,” Blackwall said seriously. “But sometimes they need a good hit to the head.”

Maeve rolled her eyes. Honestly, most times she did wish she could hit a few people because they could not see reason or refused to. Haruko definitely would argue that there is no need for violence if the power of words would win a person over. To be honest, Haruko didn't necessarily have the right to say things like that since she went out to be the strong arm of the Inquisition. But one had a right to their opinions, even if it was contrary to their current job.

“Maybe this is just a conversation I want to have with Dorian…or Bull,” Maeve said softly. Mostly it was because she did not want to argue at this point. 

“Oh, so I’m not serious conversation material?” Blackwall said with an attempt to have a joking tone.

“Or maybe Dorian just understands me more?” Maeve said with a wry grin on her face.

“That man is only interested in things that regard himself or his interests,” Blackwall said with some bitterness. “I doubt he would be interested in what others have in terms of ideas or ideals.”

“Dorian happens to be a really good friend of mine,” Maeve said with irritation. “He cares a lot more than he lets on.”

“I’m sure he does,” Blackwall said with the same bitterness. What was it about Dorian that made Blackwall so angry?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maeve finally asked. There had to be a reason, and it better be a good one.

“He’s a _Vint_ ,” Blackwall emphasized. “His people have a history.”

“I don’t know much of his people just yet,” she admitted. Haruko had made it a point to learn what she could about Thedas so maybe she needed to start doing that. But history was such a boring subject and it was not one of Maeve’s favorite subjects when she was studying in school. She was perfectly content just reporting what she saw in the places she was assigned to go to, history did not affect how she did her job. 

“But Dorian’s a good guy,” Maeve defended the man.

“I suppose he is,” Blackwall said with distain. He didn't believe a word she was saying and that made her frown. Whatever happened, whatever Tevinter did in the past, it must have really ruined the country’s reputation, other than the Venetori. They did attempt to murder Hal and destroy the world with this “Elder One” business.

“Considering he’s fighting his own people to save the world,” Blackwall added quietly. Guess there was one thing that he could not ignore. At least it was a good quality.

“It’s complicated I guess,” Maeve said with a slight shrug.

“Nothing about what is happening to the world is simple,” he said firmly. He looked as though he wanted to say something. It was the look in his eyes. He seemed to have this regret that haunted them, causing the wrinkles near his eyes, and this desire to speak. Perhaps it was a forbidden subject, a vow he took as a Grey Warden. An oath of secrecy or some sort of duty. Whatever it was, it seemed to tear at him more than he thought he was showing. Maeve was going to ask but Blackwall pointed out to the crowd of soldiers training in the distance.

“Oh, there’s Haruko,” he said. His eyebrows furrowed in concern. “She doesn't seem to be at her best.”

Maeve looked over and saw her friend practicing with her sword. She was with another of the soldiers, Ian she thought it was. He had long hair that was pulled back into a ponytail and black as a raven. He had one scar running from his temple to just barely his chin. He was tall, well built for combat with a sword and shield. Haruko had become friends with Ian, only because Ian made it a point to try and beat her time and again. How odd it was to see rivalries turned into friendships. But that was not what concerned Maeve.

Haruko always gave it her all, and when she was all but exhausted, she gave more of herself. Today, she struggled to keep her feet in place. She tripped and stumbled even as she clumsily blocked the fake swings Ian gave. It was entirely possible that Ian knew there was something wrong with Haruko and was going easy on her. By all rights, he should have made Haruko rest.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Maeve said seriously. She walked around another group of soldiers that were practicing and straight to Haruko. Her friend was too busy fighting Ian to notice Maeve, but that was typical. Haruko would dedicate herself to her opponent even in practice, which posed a problem when there was a group of them. Ian was the one to notice Maeve and stepped back to stop their sparing match. Haruko did not see it as a break but a chance to strike. With a shout, she came down hard with a downward slash and Ian blocked it with ease. The metal echoed once and then fell to the soft sound of grinding metal. Maeve gave a little cough that signaled her presence. Haruko jumped slightly and looked over her shoulder.

“Hey you,” Maeve said softly. She gave a little wave and Haruko looked back to Ian.

“If you let up, I can leave,” he said with a grin on his face. Haruko narrowed her eyes at the man before slowly letting up. Ian slowly backed away, even sheathed his sword, and left Haruko to Maeve. There was an odd silence that fell between the two. The distant shouts and grunts of the others practicing with their weapons filled the slight void. There was also an added clank of armor or a clash of swords coupled with a shout to add to the growing silence. Haruko did not seem to move from her position and it was Maeve who initiated conversation.

“How’s it going?” Maeve asked with hesitation. Both of them had not spoken since their initial argument. Haruko was upset because she could not understand Maeve and could not readily fix the problem for her friend. Maeve was upset not at Haruko but at her own situation within the Inquisition. Neither was truly angry at the other making this just a huge misunderstanding. 

“Well…” Haruko said softly. She turned to look at her friend. Her sword arm felt so heavy and her shoulders rose and fell with her labored breath. She was tired, no, beyond the point of exhaustion even if it was barely after midday.

“Are…are you okay?” Maeve finally asked. Haruko had not answered her question, not like she normally would. 

“Yeah, why?” Haruko lied blatantly. She was quick to respond to that question. Maeve frowned at her, damn near scowled.

“Do I look like a moron?” Maeve asked with irritation.

“If you have to ask…” Haruko attempted to deflect with humour. It wasn't going to work, not when Maeve knew her friend better than anyone here.

“That’s besides the point!” Maeve dismissed her previous comment. “What’s going on with you? And tell me the truth!”

Haruko looked away. She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to express herself. She’d been thinking heavily, trying to come up with a solution to Maeve’s issue but also trying to understand the feelings. None of it made sense to Haruko. She gave a heavy sigh before she looked to Maeve.

“I’ve been trying to understand your feelings,” Haruko said. She placed a hand on the back of her head to scratch that one particular spot on her head. Her “thinking spot” so to speak. Any time she did some thinking out loud, she’d do the same motion.

“Okay?” Maeve said. “What about my feelings?”

“You feel like you’re useless…that you’re not doing anything to help out…” Haruko continued. “That sort of thing…I try and try, but I can’t understand it…you’re looking for a way back home, and you’re helping out with the orders, and occasionally go on missions that Hal assigns you to…I can’t understand it but it is something I need to understand to help you out.”

“I think with this it’s not something you can help me out with,” Maeve said gently. She crossed her arms and gave a little sigh. What was she going to do with her friend?

“I talked to Bull yesterday……I think I may or may not have overreacted just a little bit,” Maeve then admitted gently.

Haruko was a little shocked to hear that. By all rights, they both flipped out about this before they had a chance to reflect and think about their actions. Both of them were dumb enough to let their emotions get the better of each other and let this drag out for as long as it had.

“That big oaf,” Haruko muttered softly. A yawn caught her words before she could say the rest. If only she could get a better night’s sleep.

“I won’t say you did or didn’t…but I know I haven’t been taking your feelings into account much…I’ve been trying to protect you as much as possible…though that’s probably obvious,” Haruko started to be frank with Maeve. This argument had to end, and Haruko wanted them to be friends again. It was apparent that that is what she wished because Maeve gave her a weary smile.

“I won’t say anything about that,” Maeve said simply but her tone held laughter. She was well aware of how protective Haruko was.

“Maybe you're used to doing something other than paperwork,” Haruko continued, unable to stop herself. She blinked a little, tried to get herself back under control but her own weariness and exhaustion was taking a toll on her mind. Maeve stood there, waiting for her friend.

“Look…” Haruko said finally. “I uh…I know you know this, but I really don’t want you out there on the field…only because I don’t want you to become a murderer like me…especially when we can get home soon…You’ve got a boyfriend waiting for you.”

Maeve gave a small sigh. That was right. Haruko was counting on her to get them out of this mess and back home. But that was not the most important thing to focus on, not right now.

“I know you don’t want me to become a murderer, but honestly,” Maeve said with frustration in her voice. “We have to let whatever’s going to happen, happen. My feelings can turn out drastically different than what we think I’m going to do. Who knows? But it’s something we can figure out. Bull might be able to pull me along on some more things so I can get more used to it, but that’s a problem for a later time.”

Maeve bit her lip because she wasn't sure what Haruko’s reaction was going to be after hearing about Bull’s proposal. She knew her friend was over-protective and that was a problem and a blessing. Hell, Maeve even contemplated not telling Haruko but that would not be right. How would she explain her disappearances? Haruko was not exactly the easiest person to fool. Maeve watched as her friend took in her words and reacted to them. Her body tensed and her eyes betrayed whatever attempt to hide disapproval. But they closed and Haruko took a deep, calming breath.

“I know you can make your own decisions,” Haruko said. “And I’m going to have to live with that. Come what will, I am always here for you Maeve. Know that. Happy or sad. And know that you’re my best friend in the world here. If anything, please know that.”

Haruko wanted to make sure Maeve knew those things. This time away, the agony of being alone in a world where she understood nothing, it was something she did not want to face alone. Maeve didn’t deserve to take her back as a friend after such a blow up, after her over-protective nature made it seem like she was commanding a friend rather than being there for a friend. But she did the impossible. 

“I know. And you’re mine,” Maeve said with a slight pause. Haruko’s heart lightened from the terrible fear that crippled it. She could have hugged her friend if she had the energy to do so.

“I don’t want you to over work yourself worrying about me and my feelings. I’ve been fucked up for years before this. My mental health is already ruined,” Maeve said. Humor was always the best medicine. They may have had their differences but she was glad that they could make up like this. Haruko smiled back at Maeve and then her stomach betrayed the silence that they had. A hand went to her stomach, as if to silence it, but it turned into a grip of pain. Maeve looked at Haruko with a worried face.

“When’s the last time you’ve eaten a full meal?” Maeve asked with a serious expression. Haruko didn’t look at Maeve. She looked like a small child about to receive the well-earned scold of a mother. Maeve sigh heavily and shook her head. What would Haruko do without her?

“Put the gear down,” Maeve demanded severely. “It’s time to actually feed you, and while I’m at it, a long nap till you wake up tomorrow.”

It took a little more finagling to get Haruko’s sword back into its sheath. Haruko’s sword arm shook dangerously and Maeve wasn't exactly an expert on swords. She’d chosen the life of an archer instead of a soldier and thus had little practice with a steel blade. When that was taken care of, Maeve grabbed Haruko’s arm and practically started to drag her away from the training field.

“Alright, alright,” Haruko said with a light chuckle. She didn’t have any strength to stop Maeve’s persistent tugs. 

“Come on! Food!” Maeve said impatiently. Haruko stumbled along and ignored the laughs from her fellow comrades in arms. At least they would get a good laugh in before she would beat it out of them. They made it up the stairs and Maeve stopped her incessant pulling. They walked side by side to the tavern where Haruko could get a good meal. 

“I think I can get to sleep by myself, after a good meal,” Haruko said with a yawn. “You know that…Probably won’t make it out of the tavern.”

“Oh good,” Maeve said with a happy expression. “I have a bed you can borrow.”

Haruko looked over at Maeve and the expression on her friend’s face was priceless. Haruko’s face had gone white and held a hint of disgust. Poor dear, she was far too traditional with her views at some times but it was quite hilarious to see her reaction.

“………Not that bed, no thank you,” Haruko immediately replied once she got the hints. “I know what you do in _that_ bed. I’ll just sleep at the table.”

“I meant the bed I sleep in when I’m not having sex!” Maeve defended.

“Isn’t that the same one?” Haruko asked.

“Now you shut your whore mouth!” Maeve replied. That was the one phrase that let Haruko know that she had made a good point and Maeve didn't have a good come back at the time. That made Haruko grin from ear to ear, something that she had not done recently.

“I think the only whore here is the one whining a lot,” Haruko said with a bit of a chuckle. Her stomach growled again, only louder than the last. It knew it was going to be fed, properly, and until it was satisfied. It sounded as though it were crying for help or for joy.

“I should have probably ate a few days ago,” Haruko said softly. Maeve snorted with frustration.

“First of, yes you should have,” Maeve scolded. “Second off, you’re whining louder than I am.”

“Um it’s my stomach that is whining,” Haruko pointed out. They walked through the doors of the tavern and found a table to sit down at. Haruko all but fell into her seat and waited patiently for something to drink and to eat.

“Did you want something different than water?” Maeve asked. It would probably be better to have Haruko drink some water instead of any other beverage, but she was willing to indulge her friend for once. They were celebrating their reunited friendship. Well, in spirit for sure.

“I would love a glass of tall milk,” Haruko whimpered a little bit. “I really miss getting a gallon of it at the store and just drinking it within two days…”

There were a lot of things that she wished she could have right now. A decent steak, a big bowl of mac and cheese or mashed potatoes, a warm bed with thick blankets on it to curl up in…there were so many things she missed in that one moment. Maeve made a pained expression but hide it well behind a smile.

“Yeah, maybe one day…” Maeve said then trailed off in thought. Haruko looked to her friend in confusion.

“Maybe one day what?” Haruko asked. “You’ll need food for once?”

“We’ll be able to milk a goat here!” Maeve answered awkwardly. This made Haruko become suspicious. Haruko only mentioned milk as a joke, and to be a little selfish, but Maeve had taken it as a serious request.

“You didn’t even yell at me for making a poor joke,” Haruko said carefully. “And goat’s milk is not the same.”

“You deserve a chance to try once in a while,” Maeve said gently. She was really trying to get an alternative for Haruko, almost desperately.

“Says the queen of yelling at bad jokes especially when it comes to her sex like jokes,” Haruko scowled. There was something on Maeve’s mind, more than what just happened between them. 

“What’s on your mind?” Haruko asked. One of the tavern servers brought some food over and Haruko could not help but dive into her food with such ferocity you would have thought she didn't eat for a week. That was probably true though. Haruko had a nasty habit of making her body suffer when she thought too much on a problem or was worried out of her mind. 

“It’s nothing,” Maeve said. She was trying her best to get Haruko to leave the subject alone. “Don’t worry.”

Haruko slowed her eating to a halt. Surprisingly there was half a plate of food left for her to eat. Maeve looked back at Haruko, who was looking at her friend with such a serious expression. There was a moment or two of silence. One looked at the other until Maeve scowled at Haruko.

“I swear to God, you’re going to eat even if I have to shove it down your throat,” Maeve threatened.

“Then tell me what you are hiding from me,” Haruko asked with a pained expression on her face. “I may be tired, and hungry, and dumb at times, but every time I have mentioned something about home you’ve gone quiet and try to change to subject.”

Silence fell between them, even their foot falls were silent. Maeve opened her mouth to retort but then closed it and looked away. Haruko looked at her friend and then gave another heavy sigh.

“Fine, whatever,” she said. Haruko had given up. She was too tired to fight. “You do you, and I’ll eat and try to forget it…”

“I just want you to eat and rest right now…” Maeve said pleadingly. “I’m doing what I can.”

“I don't think we’re going to get proper rest until we get that Breach stable and make sure the Templars and Mages play nice,” Haruko pointed out. She ate a few more plates of food before her stomach was satisfied. The next few days might be a little rough, but at least she would get some sort of rest and recuperation. By the time Haruko finished, the sun was starting to set. How long did they stay in that tavern in relative silence save for the occasional soldier and tavern server that replenished food? Haruko leaned back in her chair. She felt full, content, and sleepy.

“We can do the best we can in the meantime,” Maeve finally said after a long bout of silence. Haruko looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“You just can’t keep it in your pants can you?” Haruko asked. Maeve gave a wink in response.

“You expect too much out of me,” she said.

“No, I’m just a little hopeful,” Haruko argued lightly. A yawn took her words once more.

“It’s time to stop hoping,” Maeve commented without thinking. She hoped that Haruko didn’t hear but that would be impossible. They made eye contact and Haruko looked more worried than before. Her body was tense, as though waiting in anticipation of the next words. Maeve wasn't sure if she could keep up this charade, to keep Haruko from questioning now.

“What does that mean, Maeve?” Haruko asked slowly. Maeve covered her face with her hands.

“Oh my God, Haruko, I don’t know what to do,” Maeve confessed.

“Just start from the beginning,” Haruko said. What happened? Was there something Haruko missed in the time that they were separated?

“I’ve been working since we got here. It’s been months!” Maeve started hastily. Her breathing became rapid and her speech very fast. “I don’t know if I can find a way back! But that’s not even the worst part!”

“Maeve, Maeve! Calm down,” Haruko said softly. Maeve was becoming hysterical for some reason. Haruko was in no rush to get home. Impatient about the subject at times, yet understood that it might take a lot longer to get back than they had anticipated.

“What’s the worst part?” Haruko braved those words. This question was asked with care and it took a long time for an answer to come to the surface. Maeve looked as though she was going to cry at any minute while Haruko sat patiently. She dreaded the answer she thought she might hear. The one thing that would crush what little hope she had of returning home.

“I…” Maeve started. But her tears started to choke her words. “I don’t…I don't think I want to go back…”

“Wha…Why don't you want to go back?” Haruko asked, now royally confused. It wasn't the answer that she thought she was going to get but it was still as equally crushing. Maeve did not want to return home, did not want to go back to their world. But why? Sure they had made a good life for themselves in this chaotic world, but that was out of necessity rather than a desire to remain. Maeve merely looked down at her hands.

“I didn’t have a place there…I basically didn’t have a family,” Maeve explained softly. “I had friends that got on just fine without me…” 

Maeve then looked up to Haruko. This wasn't the best time, not when they had just healed their friendship. But how could she keep this from Haruko now?

“I’ve just had my hopes crushed way too many times to want to go back at this point. I almost don’t think we’re going to find a way, and I don’t care,” Maeve finished softly. Tears ran down Maeve’s face and Haruko sat there in disbelief. She swallowed hard as she tried to process Maeve’s words. If Maeve didn’t care, then there was a possibility that every lead she had found thus far was nothing but a dead end. There was no way to get home, yet there had to be some way. They got here didn’t they? There must be a way back.

“There’s not even a hint that we will be able to return?” Haruko asked, unable to come to terms with that reality. “Not a trace?”

“Everything I find leads me absolutely nowhere,” Maeve said through her choking tears. “Haruko, I don’t know what to do.”

Haruko looked down at her own clenched fists. She too did not know what to do in this situation. It was not she that was researching and sending letters. Most of the information had gone straight to Maeve while Haruko was free to pay their debt to the Inquisition in the form of service. The thought of never returning…it just sounded like they were some tragic heroes in a fiction novel. 

“I…I don't know either,” Haruko said softly. Haruko placed her head in her hands and exhaled heavily. Man when it rains it pours. Reality was a harsh mistress, and this new information was soul crushing. Maeve herself slumped her shoulders. She attempted to dry her tears that fell down her face only to have them replaced.

“At the start I thought that maybe…but now I just have no hope,” Maeve admitted. “I have nothing…Solas has nothing…even Dorian has nothing…It’s like a chance to start over…”

“To start over? That’s what was supposed to happen after graduating college,” Haruko muttered angrily. This was just supposed to be a fun adventure, a mishap that only they would be able to joke about. If they couldn’t get back…who would tell their families? What would could Haruko do to soothe her father? No. There had to be some sort of way.

“Then I’ll hope for the both of us. One of us has to, and if you have none of it left then I will give you more and more…we got here didn’t we? That means there is a road and roads can go somewhere and then return,” Haruko said with renewed resolve. Maeve sighed in defeat.

“I didn’t have anything to start with there anyway,” Maeve muttered as she looked away from Haruko. She then suddenly stood from the table. 

“I think I’m going to see what Hal’s doing,” she said to Haruko. Maeve rushed out of the tavern. Tears seemed to stream nonstop down her face with each step she took. Haruko scrambled to her feet, willed them to move as she needed them. But Maeve was too fast, and Haruko was slowed down by malnutrition and exhaustion. 

“Maeve! Wait!” Haruko shouted after her best friend. She ran out of the door and looked around. She saw Maeve dart behind a building and Haruko ran as hard as she could to catch up with her. But it was for naught. Haruko got around the corner of the building and Maeve was gone. Haruko was left to stand there and catch her breath.

“God! Damnit Maeve!” Haruko said huffing heavily. The cold night air stung her lungs as well as her skin.

“It’s not your fault Maeve,” Haruko said softly. Perhaps it was better to leave her to recover on her own and allow Haruko to eat in peace…while worrying over her friend. Would they be able to return? Even if the leads they have gotten so far have been nothing? What about her family? What about Maeve’s boyfriend…What was going to happen to them?


	14. Destruction and Seperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time heals arguments, especially when Maeve and Haruko are willing to look past their differences to work together. Sometimes it strengthens their bonds. And just in time too. For Haven is under serious threat of an unknown force. Yet again, Haruko throws herself in front of the metaphorical sword so that her friends and innocent people might have a chance to live...but will it finally cost her her life? And what of Maeve?

It had been one year since Maeve and Haruko had arrived here in Haven. Both of them seemed to become accustomed to the life that they made for themselves here, and even enjoyed it’s wonders. Despite the fact that Maeve and Haruko had their differences over their ability to succeed in returning home, they still remained friends. Haruko was the only one who still sent letters, when the opportunity arose, and looked for more information on how to travel back. To lose hope now would mean losing everything. Thedas needed that hope, it is what made them stride to close the Breach.

“Man I can’t believe it’s been one year,” Haruko said softly to herself. She held an apple in her hand and then took a bite out of it. Maeve and Haruko had ridden out to a smaller hill, just outside of Haven to enjoy some semblance of quiet. For all the terror that the Breach created, it had a small amount of beauty. Even if winter was starting to set in early, the warmth of the sun beat down upon them.

“I can,” Maeve said jokingly. Haruko scowled while she munched on her apple. 

“Oh shut up, you were the one whining and whimpering when we first got here,” Haruko replied. Her reply warranted a friendly shove from Maeve.

“It was scary!” she cried out.

“Like you’d remember!” Haruko teased.

“God Bless,” Maeve finally said. Maeve ignored Haruko for a while, until she could feel her puppy eyed stare baring into the back of her head. When Maeve finally looked at Haruko there was a moment of silence followed by the sudden burst of laughter. It was great to have a friend to laugh with. The Iron Bull had been allowing Maeve to go out on missions with him, to allow her to become accustomed to the war that was going on outside of these walls, and Haruko was slowly getting used to that. It still upset her, as it did with any one that would volunteer to go outside and see the horrors and tragedies but she would respect those decisions.

“My aim’s gotten better,” Maeve said with confidence. “I got this guy right between the eyes.”

Haruko’s cheery face dropped a bit. She didn't like talking about things like this, since she thought killing people was wrong. Maeve felt a little sorry because she kept forgetting Haruko’s aversion to her own job. However, Maeve could not contain her own excitement to her new skills. Getting field experience was the best thing that she could have asked for. Her bow skills were improving, her sneaking was improving, her outlook was improving. A lot of things were improving just living with the Inquisition.

“You getting lessons from Sera?” Haruko asked as a joke but then instantly regretted them.

“I could tell you the _lessons_ I get from her,” Maeve said suggestively. 

“Nooooooo thank you,” Haruko said as she held a hand up to stop her from saying anything further.

“You could maybe learn a thing or two…it’d make your boyfriend happy,” Maeve then suggested. She loved watching Haruko’s face turn a bright shade of red every time she mentioned the word “boyfriend.” Haruko may not readily admit it out right, but she did have feelings for the commander. 

“I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND!” Haruko denied loudly. Why people thought she and the Commander were even a thing. They talked to one another, had the same type of work ethic, and happened to work well despite her apparent issue with authority. There was no way that was romantic of any sort. 

“You look so cute when you’re embarrassed,” Maeve said with a laugh. Haruko looked away from Maeve with a pout or a scowl. 

“Ugh!” Haruko groaned. “I don’t have a boyfriend and you know it.”

“I could have sworn otherwise,” Maeve replied. “The way you and Cullen joke and get along, people are talking.”

“People always talk,” Haruko grumbled. Her apple was finished so she tossed the core of her apple as far as she could throw it. “Doesn't mean it’s truth.”

“I’m just messing with you, no need to get all serious,” Maeve defended lightly. She might have defended herself, but her grin gave off an entirely different meaning.

“Ha ha!” Haruko mocked a laugh. “You can stop teasing me any time.”

“You expect waaaaay too much from me.”

Haruko merely rolled her eyes at Maeve before lying back in the grass. Beside her a ball of fur pounced up on her and started to lick her face. Haruko spat and laughed at the little ball of fur.

“Masamune!” she squealed a little bit. Masamune was the newest friend that was added to Haruko’s animal family. Maeve had found him one rainy day, separated from his pack, and brought him home as a peace offering. She’d hoped that Haruko might be able to take care of the little guy, and maybe make her feel better about not being able to go home. That and the hopes that Haruko might forget about Maeve’s outburst.

“He really has taken a liking to you,” Maeve commented with a giggle. The little wolf pup barked once and wagged his tail furiously. Haruko remained on her back and held Masamune on her chest. Her hands were gentle on his back and as she patted his head.

“I just have a way with animals,” Haruko commented. “I hope this guy will grow up and defend Haven when he gets older.”

“Well for now he will keep your hands busy,” Maeve said. “You’ve got to teach him how to follow, and attack, and whatever else an attack dog would do.”  
“I think he’ll do just fine,” Haruko said then looked to the little puppy. “Who’s a good boy? Yes, you are, you are, you you you you you!”

Masamune got all excited and started to lick Haruko’s face once more. Maeve smiled because she was glad that Haruko was happy for once. They weren’t going to go to the Breach until all of the mages were here in Haven and were well rested. That would not be another month. Hopefully things would go smoothly.

~

That month came and went. Haruko had her hands full preparing to help the Mages for travel and keeping a close eye on her new charge. Masamune was a handful as a puppy but he seemed willing to learn. He had learned simple commands such as “sit” and “come” but more complex commands were beyond his attention span at the moment. He was just a puppy after all. A rather large puppy at that. She’d barely had time to teach him those basics, but at least he had his pack mentality. He always followed Haruko, no matter what. He even seemed to get distressed when she went away for certain periods of time. 

“Come Masamune,” Haruko said. The wolf pup had been busy with some of the other recruits. They seemed to think it hilarious that she had some wolf pup following her around, but were all too willing to sacrifice a bit of time to pet him. Masamune liked the attention, as most young animals do. But his favorite would always be the one who fed him and gave him all of her attention. Masamune pricked his ears up when he heard his name and turned to look at Haruko. She placed her hands on her hips, as a mother would to a bratty child.

“Honestly, come here,” Haruko said scoldingly. She jerked her head just a little and Masamune got up, turned, and sprinted full force to his pack leader. When he leapt up, Haruko was all too willing to catch him in her arms and laugh loudly. He was just going to be one huge child. This wouldn't last long, not when he was going to be able to place his paws over her shoulders easily. Masamune licked her face with unmatched affection.

“Alright, alright!” Haruko said through the sudden face bath. “Down you go. We have work to do.”

He got down, but didn’t take his eyes off of her. That tail wagged a mile a minute, eager to make her happy. If only the human world was so simple.

“You have quite the way with animals,” Cassandra’s voice said. Haruko looked over and saw Cassandra approach her. Haruko gave a huge grin in return. This was a trait that she was proud of.

“I’ve always loved animals, dogs especially,” Haruko explained before correcting. “Okay as pets, I prefer dogs, but my favorite animal is the panda bear…a black and white lazy bear. They usually leave people alone…unlike your bears here.”

“A dog would be considered a pet, but a wolf?” Cassandra asked. Haruko sighed. Yes, it was dangerous to take in a wild animal but how could Maeve leave this cute little guy all alone in the wild? So as long as he behaved and she taught him correctly, he would not be a nuisance.

“I think he is young enough to be considered a companion,” Haruko said. Masamune looked up to her knowingly. He wasn't as dumb as people treated him.

“You know we’re talking about you boy, don't you,” she said. Masamune’s tail wagged faster if it was possible. 

“Just be sure he does not harm anyone else in camp,” Cassandra warned. Her concern was appreciated but unnecessary. Haruko knew how to treat animals, and knew how to train them to a point. Anything else that she wished to teach would have to come from experts. Considering they were in Ferelden, there was no shortage of Mabari trainers that could give her pointers at some point. 

“He is no more dangerous than you are,” Haruko said lightly. “He’s also still a young pup, barely able to keep up with me at a dead sprint.”

“This pup will grow into a full adult,” Cassandra warned.

“Don’t remind me, I will miss the days when he jumps into by arms as he did just then,” Haruko said. Was she too young to get all nostalgic and sentimental like this? Cassandra and Haruko and Masamune all started to walk to the group that was ready to travel to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Masamune was still small enough to fit into a small pack on Yakul’s saddle, but only just. 

“You’re not planning on taking him with us to the Temple of Sacred Ashes?” Cassandra asked when she noticed Masamune walked with them.

“Oh so that’s what you truly wanted to ask?” Haruko asked with a sarcastic grin on her face. The Seeker gave her a stern glare and Haruko washed her face clear of any sarcasm and joy. So much for trying to joke around with one of the more serious women of the Inquisition.

“I felt it would be nicer to talk instead of asking you of your suspicious actions,” Cassandra said frankly. Haruko gave a chuckle. Of course she was the suspicious one. Why could she not go a week without be accused of doing something against orders?

“I am Masamune’s caretaker, and thus he comes with me wherever I go,” Haruko said simply. She could not help but have a smile on her face as she spoke. Cassandra might had rolled her eyes at her, but she did not. Instead she gave what Haruko thought might be considered a scowl but it was hard to tell. 

“He won’t be a problem I assure you,” Haruko continued. Masamune sat beside Haruko when they stopped walking. His tail continued to wag every time he heard his name. Cassandra looked down at the little wolf and he pricked his ears forward at the Seeker. Before, he had panted all the way with them, but now he seemed to look his best when the Seeker looked at him. Cassandra gave a sigh in defeat. 

“I do suppose there are no orders against him coming with us,” he said. Haruko wasted no time in giving the news to Masamune.

“Hear that boy? You’re coming with!” she said dramatically. Masamune got up on all fours and jumped up on Haruko. The woman laughed and picked him up once more. Cassandra gave a groan. It was hardly the ideal behavior of a captain within the Inquisition’s ranks. 

“Haruko!” a shout called to her in the distance. Cassandra and Haruko looked to see Maeve waving at Haruko. It was harder to see when Masamune still wanted to show his affection to her but Haruko could make out someone wave at her.

“Easy, easy boy!” Haruko said firmly. The wolf pup calmed down when her words were firmer. He lay comfortably in her arms.

“Sorry Cassandra, perhaps we might argue a different time?” Haruko said in a teasing voice. She then put Masamune back on the ground and half jogged to Maeve. She stood ready to travel to the Temple with her horse and Yakul in tow.

“You really think this will work?” Maeve asked with worry in her voice. Haruko looked to the Breach. There was nothing else to suggest that they would not succeed, but there was always that chance. Their adventures here in Thedas had been far from normal. There was reason to doubt, to wonder and to worry. Haruko looked back at Maeve and gave a nod.

“I know it will work,” Haruko said with determination in her eyes. “If all we have worked for doesn't turn out quite right, then we will just find a different way and try again. Maybe ask for the Templar’s help, provided they’ll suck it up and work together with the Mages as one unit.”

“Yeah…that’s a stretch,” Maeve said with disbelief. The Mage Templar War might have been put on hold with the main force of the Rebel Mages under the protection of the Inquisition, but that did not stop the stragglers from fighting one another. If this did not work, they would have to do a lot of favors to win over the Templars. 

“Let’s get going,” Haruko then said. “Come on, Masamune.”

The little wolf stood at her side and waited for the next command. Haruko motioned for him to jump up into her arms and he did so. She then helped him into his little sack before she placed a foot into the stirrup and hoisted herself into Yakul’s saddle. Maeve followed suit with her horse and the both of them caught up with the main force that was on their way to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

It was not a long trip. Perhaps a less than half a day since they did not have all the mounts needed for everyone to travel smoothly. Everyone seemed to know what they were in for, determined to close this Breach once and for all. But nothing could have prepared Haruko and Maeve for what they were about to see.

Haruko’s face was pained and grim with the horrors that were being told about what happened to this place. Maeve was trying to quell the fear that was rising in her chest. This place was going to be scarred for life, telling a tale of something horrific and something they did not understand. Some of the bodies remained standing, halted with fear and terror in their final moments. There were others that were tossed aside, warped beyond recognition. There were parts, or what might have been parts, thrown about as though they were casually cast aside. This was more than what Haruko wanted to see, what Maeve wanted to see. They dismounted slowly, a soft crunch beneath their feet. Masamune whimpered lightly as Haruko took him from his pouch.

At the heart of the Temple, a giant monolith that stretched out to reach the Breach that was above them. Cassandra and other high-ranking officials directed the Mages to their posts. Solas told them to aim their focus past Hal, who stood at the base. Haruko and Maeve watched, and waited for inevitable trouble that seemed to follow them when they would attempt to do something to save the world. Maeve had her bow in her hand. Haruko stood with her hand on the hilt of her blade. Masamune cowered softly behind Haruko, but waited in a mix of fear and anticipation.

Hal struggled to get close to the monolith. The mark on his hand glowed brighter the closer he approached the monolith. He held it up as he fought an unknown force that gave him trouble. The Mages waited for the signal, then knelt as they stabbed the earth with their staves. They focused all of their magic towards the mark in his hand. There was a flash of light. A giant explosion. Then there was nothing but stillness. Haruko stood up from her cover and placed a steady hand on Maeve. She looked like the blast shook her more. Masamune cowered at her side. Poor guy, perhaps it was best to leave him in Haven. Haruko looked down over the cliff they had stood one. She watched as Cassandra moved people out of her way to make sure that Hal was still alright. She saw Hal stand on shaky feet.

_Did we do it?_ Haruko thought to herself. She looked up and the hole was gone. There were remnants, a slight greenish hue where the Breach once was, but the Breach itself was no more. An overwhelming sense of accomplishment and joy washed over Haruko in that one moment.

“We did it,” Haruko breathed.

“What?” Maeve asked as she got her bearings of the situation.

“We did it!” Haruko replied with more of a half shout. She then turned to her friend and grabbed her shoulders with a shake of joy. Haruko was all too excited for this, and joined the crowd as they cheered loudly at their accomplishment. Maeve took a minute to catch up to the rest of them, but when she did, she too joined in the celebration. Haruko and Maeve hugged one another tightly and shouted and cheered louder than anyone else. Masamune danced around them as he soaked in the exciting atmosphere. They really did it, they really won.

~

The skies were dark and clear for the nightly celebrations. Everyone was singing and dancing for joy. The demons were no longer pouring out of the sky, and the road to a peaceful Thedas had begun a new. Maeve and Haruko sat in the tavern and shared drinks with one another. Masamune sat beside Haruko as always. Blackwall and Sera had come in for the celebrations.

“At least this time you didn’t get into trouble,” Maeve teased Haruko. Haruko gave a small scowl in return.

“Hey, I would get the job done,” Haruko defended.

“Yeah but it’d cost you an arm and a leg to do it, most of the time!” Maeve said with a laugh.

“It’s good to get the baddies but less so when you can't swing a sword,” Sera added. 

“It’s alright to want to save people, it’s another thing when you hurt yourself in the process,” Blackwall said sternly. He might have attempted to be serious but there was a smile hidden under that beard. Haruko scowled at everyone. They didn't need to rag her forever wound she’d received in battle. Every new scar that she got was just another story she could tell later. If anything, most of her wounds were huge bruises or minor cuts that disappeared with a sip of a potion.

“Just tales I get to tell my kids, if I have kids,” Haruko said. “Like where the Indian shot me, or that Mage tried to roast me, or.”

“Yeah yea, you’ll have kids with the Commander,” Maeve teased. Haruko might have growled at Maeve but she didn't necessarily care to. This was a happy time, let them have their fund for now.

“Not this again,” Haruko said with a sigh.

“Oh don’t worry about that now,” Maeve said. “Drink! Celebrate! It’s time for celebration!”

“All you’ll do is celebrate with Sera, or Bull, perhaps Hal,” Haruko said. It was her turn to tease.

“Hey, I like celebrating with people,” Maeve said. She’d already dived into a few drinks as it was. There was no reason not to go overboard. Everything and everyone was safe for the moment.

“Yeah _with_ ,” Haruko emphasized. They all laughed loudly and cheered for the Inquisition’s success. But it all ended when there was the sound of the emergency horn. Haruko stopped her laughing and listened intently. The roar of people died down and slowly turned into panic. 

“…And there goes the celebration,” Haruko muttered and downed her drink. Waste not want not.

“Let’s go Haruko,” Maeve said and got up. Outside the tavern was just a panicked mess. The people outside were running around as though they were chickens without their heads. Haruko knew they needed a level head in this. Panic would only allow room for mistakes they might not have.

“Best to get to the front gates,” Blackwall said behind them.

“Right,” Haruko agreed with a nod. Maeve followed right behind them as they weaved through the mass of people that were scattered. They ran up to the Chantry and disappeared behind the doors. Hal hurried through the mess until he saw Haruko, Maeve, and Blackwall. He rushed to them instead.

“An unknown force is marching towards us,” Hal explained in a hurry. “We need to stop it at all costs.”

“Defend the trebuchets and cause some sort of avalanche,” Haruko suggested. “We’ve got the snow for it.”

It wasn't the best of ideas that they had, but it was better than allowing an unknown army beat them down. 

“Good idea,” Hal said. The rest of them followed Hal out in front of the main gates. The Inquisition soldiers were defending the trebuchets that were placed at key points around Haven. There were two that were readily accessible right outside of Haven’s gates. The front one was crawling with creatures in Templar armor. Nothing in that armor was human. The red eyes, the crystals coming out of their own bodies. Some were even deformed into something else all together. It was almost like the armour morphed into their own bodies. Haruko’s jaw dropped in horror and Maeve visibly put a hand to her mouth.

“What in the hell?” Haruko whispered to herself. “It’s almost like in that future…”

“You saw these creatures there?” Maeve asked. This was the first time she’d spoken about that time.

“No not exactly…” Haruko said. Her voice was lost in the memories. There was no way she wanted to see that future here.

“Red Lyrium grew out of people,” Hal explained. “But the people there were unable to move. These are monsters that have Red Lyrium growing out of them as well.”

“There’s no time for idle chatter!” Cassandra shouted at them. 

“Yes ma’am,” Hal shouted, but there was little room for laughter. They charged into the fray with weapons drawn. Haruko made sure that she kept their attention on her while Maeve snuck in with well-placed shots. Masamune did his best to distract the other knights. No one was going to hurt his mama while he was on duty but he was far too small to do any significant damage. Hal, Cassandra, and Blackwall pressed on one side while Haruko and Maeve and Masamune took care of the other. A few fireballs signaled that Dorian also joined in on the fray. Once they cleared the first trebuchet of deformed Templars they stopped to regain their senses. 

“What in the hell is going on?” Haruko turned to look at Hal. He looked to her and knew exactly what she was thinking. These creatures…these men and women who had devoted their lives to protect people from the abuses magic could inflict…they had Red Lyrium growing from them, and turned them into something far more monstrous.

“Just a guess, but I would say that this Elder One is none too happy about interrupting his plans,” Dorian said.

“We can discuss this later,” Cassandra said seriously. “The other soldiers have reported that the other trebuchet has not fired on signal.”

“That’s not good,” Hal murmured. They ran up the hill, and saw that most of their men had been slain by these monsters and crazed Templars. Haruko couldn't believe her eyes. The people that were here, fighting against them, should have joined with them in order to stop the Breech. Instead they were infected with this Red Lyrium, driven to madness just like Varric had warned. What could have turned these poor people into doing something so insane? Now was not the time to think and reflect on this. Now was the time to act. They carved their path to victory in the blood of insane Templars. Haruko didn't like watching the pile of bodies starting to pile up on her list of people that were killed by her hand.

“Get the trebuchet going!” Maeve shouted from her clear perch. Hal had already made his way to the wheel and started to turn it. It seemed to take ages in order for the trebuchet to turn to the mountain. The rock was already set to fly and it clicked when Hal pulled the release. The trebuchet launched its load with enough force that it bucked. There was a loud clatter of wood and the rest of them watched as it hit its mark. The snow in the distance started to fall down on top of the army that walked to destroy them.

“Yes!” Haruko shouted in early celebration. But that success would soon be shattered with a single roar. Maeve looked up because it sounded eerily similar to that dragon back in the Hinterlands. Haruko looked around for the source, unknowing of the true danger. Red fire, or something completely different, magical, blasted the trebuchet to bits. The force of the magic was like an explosion and blasted everyone back. Haruko was knocked back by bits of debris. Masamune ran over to her and licked her face to encourage her to get back up.

“Retreat!” Hal shouted. “Everyone retreat to the Chantry!”

Haruko took a minute to get up. The giant log from the trebuchet knocked her in the head. It pounded loudly in her ears and it didn't help that the sound around her was now ten times as loud as it needed to be. Hal, Cassandra, and Dorian had already started to run their way back. She didn’t see Blackwall or Maeve.

“Maeve!” Haruko shouted out in alarm. She turned and watched as Blackwall lifted Maeve from the ground and over his shoulders. Haruko ran over but Blackwall waved at her.

“Get to the Chantry,” he snapped. Under normal conditions Haruko would have become pissy with him, but this was no normal conditions. Instead, she took up her sword and whistles sharply. Masamune was already at her heels and followed her as she led Blackwall through the onslaught. The Templars were relentless as they were ruthless. It was light she was not even fighting a human anymore. Their strength was not their own, as was their minds. Haruko had lost count of how many stood in her way and how many she would not allow to touch her friends. 

Masamune barked once, twice, and a third time to get Haruko’s attention. She turned to look and saw that the path was relatively clear for them to make it to the doors. 

“Come on!” Haruko shouted to Blackwall. They ran to the doors and opened them as quick as they could. They rushed through and slammed the door shut behind them. Haruko took a few steps back, regarding the door. She thought that it would blow off, just as the trebuchet did, with that magic fire. Half of her expected the Templars to bust it down and slaughter them all in one final charge. But nothing happened. Haruko breathed a sigh of temporary relief before she turned around. The people there were scared, helpless, hopeless. Blackwall had found a small space beside one of the supporting pillars to sit down Maeve and support her back.

“Maeve!” Haruko said and jogged over. Masamune came over and sniffed the woman as she started to wake up. Haruko knelt down beside her friend.

“Hey, you okay?” Haruko asked. Maeve didn’t answer right away and looked groggy.

“It was just a hit to the head,” Blackwall informed. “She should be okay in a few moments.”

Haruko had to take Blackwall’s word. From the looks of it, she might have taken a bit of debris to the skull. There was a sizeable lump on her forehead starting to form. Haruko winced. It was going to give Maeve one hell of a headache when this was all said and done.

“Wha…where?” Maeve murmured. She looked dazed, confused, and rightfully so. Haruko looked around for a healer, but no one was in the immediate area.

“Hey…you doing alright?” Haruko asked. Maeve blinked a few times and looked directly at Haruko. Her face worked hard to take in what had happened and who she looked at.

“Haruko?” Maeve asked. Haruko nodded slowly and then watched as the realization and reality returned to Maeve. She looked away and then back at Haruko in a very worried and scared face.

“What the hell was that thing?” Maeve asked. Haruko shook her head. She didn't know what it was either. She didn't get a look or anything that would be considered a glimpse. All she could remember was the explosion of the trebuchet and the red fire…magic…whatever it was that caused the explosion. Where it came from…who created it…whatever the creature was it made Haruko shake.

“Herald, our position isn’t good. That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us,” the Commander said with urgency. Haruko turned to listen to the Commander intently.

“I’ve seen an Archdemon,” a boy said. The hat on his head had a brim that covered his face and even drooped to cover his entire head. “It was in the Fade, and it looked like that.”

“I don’t care what it looks like,” Cullen snapped angrily. “It has cut a path for that army! They will kill everyone in Haven!”

“The Elder One doesn’t care about the village,” The boy replied as though it were that simple. “He only wants the Herald.”

“Why would he want me?” Hal asked. Why would anyone want the Herald of Andraste? All he was trying to do was close the Breach, to bring peace in an otherwise violent and chaotic world…unless…Haruko looked up with the realization. Whoever this was had to be the one to cause this chaos.

“He wants to kill you, no one else matters, but he’ll crush them, kill them anyway,” the boy said. His sentences were rushed, unfinished, and broken. “I don’t like him.”

“You don’t like….” Cullen started then sighed heavily. He was frustrated, confused and confounded like the rest of them. However, he was the leader of the army of the Inquisition, he could not falter here.

“Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide,” the Commander offered. Was he saying…to bury them with the enemy? That thought made Haruko’s blood run cold. Her stomach churned. She didn’t want to die here.

“We’re overrun!” Hal insisted. “To hit the enemy, we’d bury Haven.”

Apparently he did not want to allow everyone to die here either. There were too many innocent people, pilgrims that made a foolish journey to this sacred spot out of faith…and that was there mistake. A mistake that they should not have to die for. 

“We’re dying,” Cullen agreed. “But we can decide how. Not many get that choice.”

Haruko looked back to Maeve. Her friend heard all of that. The look in her eyes, the fear, the slight tremble. Was this how it was going to end? Their adventures here in Thedas was going to end in their death. There was not to be a final, a closing story where they got a chance to return home and say good bye to their families? Haruko gave a small sigh and looked down. Of course they wouldn't get that? How often was life so forgiving to give two people a last good-bye to their loved ones? 

“Yes…” the boy said softly. “That…Chancellor Rodderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies.”

“There is a path,” the Chancellor struggled to speak. “You wouldn't know it unless you made the summer pilgrimage, as I have. The people can escape, She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could tell you.”

Haruko looked to the Chancellor and instantly felt sorry for him. There was blood everywhere. It stained his robes, even dripped from the chair he sat in. He looked pale, probably from the blood loss. She didn't like the guy, actually she hated him for all the trouble that he caused the Inquisition, but she hated death even more so.

“What about it Cullen?” Hal asked. “Could it work?”

“Possibly, if he shows us…What of your escape?” Cullen said then asked. Hal looked away. There was a somber mood that fell over everyone in the area. Haruko watched as Hal did not look back at the Commander. He was planning to sacrifice himself for the rest of the people here.

_No_ Haruko thought first. No more people should have to die here. They were celebrating not too long ago, why did it always end in tragedy? Haruko looked over at Maeve. She didn't deserve this sort of life, nor this ending. No one here did. 

“Perhaps you’ll surprise it,” Cullen suggested. “Find a way?”

Those words put the resolve in Haruko’s otherwise trembling body. She clenched a fist, which rested on her knee as she knelt beside her friend. Haruko was going to accompany Hal and make sure this army did not come any closer to these innocent people. Yes, she was terrified. She didn't want to die, but she could not live knowing that she did not help these people get away. 

“Maeve,” Haruko said softly and looked to her friend. Maeve placed a hand over Haruko’s fist.

“I know,” Maeve said with a nod. Her look was sad but she could not stop Haruko. When her mind was made up, she did it without recitation. Okay a little hesitation and a lot of worrying about the outcome but once she got going there was no stopping her.

“Take care of Masamune for me,” Haruko said softly. She gave one last hug to her best friend. Masamune came up and tilted his head in confusion. Haruko gave a sad smile to the pup and patted his head.

“Be a good boy,” she said. There was no time for tears or lengthy good-byes.  
“You come back,” Maeve said. “I’ll make sure everyone goes out.”  
Haruko gave Maeve a small smile but looked away. Any more words and her resolve would be broken. Blackwall gripped her arm firmly so she would not get up. Masamune gave a low growl in warning.

“You’ll die if you go out there,” he said harshly.

“And how many people will die if Hal fails?” Haruko asked severely. “I’ve made my choice…all I can ask you to do is watch out for Maeve for me.”

Blackwall thought through her words for a moment. His hand relaxed and fell from her once he realized that there was no way they could let Hal fail. Haruko got up and looked for Hal. He’d already opened the doors and walked out of the Chantry. It took a rushed hand and fast legs to get her sword and shield back in her hands before she ran outside to Hal’s side.

“You're not going out there without backup,” Haruko said. Hal turned and looked at her with surprise.

“But you will-“

“I know…and as shaky as my legs are right now, I could not live with myself if I didn’t help you save these people…” Haruko said. If he asked any more about it, Haruko was sure that her legs would give out with the nervousness that was building inside of her.

“Haruko! NO!” The Commander’s voice roared behind her. Haruko and Hal both looked to see the Commander…Cullen run towards the closing doors. Haruko couldn't help but give a somber smile at him. He was a good man, and cared for those that were getting caught in the middle of this. The doors closed with a final hallowed echo and Haruko turned away.

_Maker…God…Whomever is listening…please protect_ them Haruko prayed. She gave one look to the sky before she looked ahead.

“Better late than never,” Haruko whispered to herself. 

“I couldn’t say it better myself,” Hal said with a firm pat to her shoulder. “Let’s go give them something to fight for.”

They charged forward, fighting off every enemy that stood in their path. Cullen was right, whatever time they bought with that first avalanche that dragon…Archdemon…whatever it was, gave far more back to the rogue Templars. The place was crawling with enemies, ready to cut them down at a moment’s notice. Haruko did her best. Her sword arm was tiring after the tenth Templar. It would have been easier had they acted like normal people, but the Red Lyrium seemed to give them inhuman abilities. They didn’t tire, barely slowed when they were cut into, and those that were morphed by the Red Lyrium were twice as tough to defeat.

“There is no end to this things!” Haruko snapped in frustration. 

“We have to get to the trebuchet!” Hal reminded. He used his shield to bash another enemy out of the way and Haruko ran over and stabbed him in the gut. The Templar cried out in agony but made no move to back up. Haruko took her sword back and Hal kicked the Templar down. There was no time to inspect the Templar, only to run to the trebuchet. They ran, hard, and found that even this trebuchet was loaded with Templars ready for them. With tired sword arms and firm determination, they struck down their enemy.

“Honestly, couldn't we get a break?!” Haruko said through gritted teeth. 

“I think that would be too easy if we did get one,” Hal said after he pulled his sword free. They were at peace for a moment. Haruko took a few seconds to catch her breath that she had lost a few Templars back. Hal seemed to do the same, but he also looked around as though he expected more of them. There was a dull thud, a rumble, that rippled through where they stood. Haruko and Hal looked to one another, unsure of the source of that noise. It was not the high pitched cry of that supposed Archdemon, nor was it overhead. It was rhythmic, like steps or a march.

“Remember how I said it would be too easy?” Hal asked. He looked wide eyed, and spooked but his gaze was behind her. Haruko turned and looked. Her jaw dropped and her body nearly froze with the shock. Before them stood this eight foot, or more, tall giant Red Lyrium monster. There was barely anything about it that resembled human. A head and a deformed arm but little else. Upon its chest was the crest of the Templar’s glowing ominously. Its gaze snapped to them and it let out a strangled cry. It wasn't human, it was a monstrous shriek. 

Hal charged forward and tried to attack. The only thing that was going for them was its slow, lumbering nature. With all of those crystals, it could hardly swing its ax like arm without alerting the two of them to its attack. If they could get this thing on the ground, then they could at least strike it in the head. Haruko tried to attack its legs, but the Red Lyrium was providing it with armour. Her swings were only hitting apparent rock. 

“Tch,” Haruko growled to herself. Hal thrust his sword as hard as he could to the back of this monster’s knee and it went in deep. The shrill cry of pain pierced the air and it tried to hit Hal. He was too quick, dodged right out of the way with ease. The creature took a step but could not bear any weight on his injured leg any more. It wobbled forward, and with a loud crash, fell into the snow. Haruko closed in the distance and her sword plunged deep into the skull of the creature. There was no sound, no hiss, no howl of pain. There was silence and then an eerie stillness. The only sound was the distant fighting, and their panting. Hal nodded at Haruko and they went to the trebuchet crank. Each took turns to re-aim the weapon, to cause the last avalanche. Haruko’s body was exhausted, and Hal looked exactly as she felt. There was a click, a small sign that the trebuchet was in place and ready to fire. But the enemy would not allow it. The dragon, Archdemon, roared into the sky as their only warning.

“Get back!” Hal shouted. It was for naught. They could barely clamber away in time but the blast of the magic from the dragon’s breath was enough to knock them clear across the land. Haruko’s body bounced on the ground twice before skidding to a stop in the snow. She was disoriented, nearly unconscious with the force of her landing. There was the sound of crackling fire, the scent of burning ground. Haruko wobbled her head from the ground where she lay and looked. Hal was just in front of her, just as disoriented. He didn’t move much, or that is what it looked like. Haruko was having a hard time regaining her sense, and with the world around her slightly blurred by the sudden blast back. 

_Get a grip Haruko!_ She thought to herself. She closed her eyes, brought a hand to her head and blinked the dull ache in her head. Again, she looked to Hal and saw he too was starting to wake. But that was not all she saw. In the distance, there was a shadowed figure, growing larger and moving towards them. It was behind the flames and then it walked through. It looked like a huge man, but corrupted and twisted into something that was not himself. His gaze was on Hal, who had just sat up and rubbed his head. Haruko scrambled to her feet, stumbled through the dizziness and grabbed a fallen sword. The ground shock even more than when that giant Red Lyrium monster came through and a dragon bounded upon them. It gave a small snarl, a warning, before it walked behind the two of them. It glared down at them and sent a sense of impending death into Haruko’s soul. Her sword trembled ever so slightly in her hand as she held a sword between it and herself. As if to laugh at her, it gave a loud earsplitting cry into the night.

“Enough!” the man shouted blasting air at them. The dragon listened, and did nothing more than block their escape. Haruko did not know where to look or what to do. 

“Stand back,” Hal said quietly. He slowly got to his feet. Haruko came to his side and helped him up. Hal held an arm out to separate this new foe and her. Not that it really mattered when there was a dragon, literally, breathing down their necks.

“Pretender,” the man spoke calmly. “You toy with forces beyond your ken, no more.”

“Whatever you are, I am not afraid,” Hal said with determination. Haruko wasn't sure if talking was the wisest thing to do in this situation.

“Words mortals often hurled at the darkness, once they were mine,” the man creature said. “They are always lies. Know me. Know what you have pretended to be.”

He seemed…confident. It was almost like he knew the power of the people that stood before them.

“Exalt the Elder One! The will that is Corypheus!” it said in smug glory. “You will kneel.”

The creature held out a deformed hand. Its fingers more like sinister claws. His palm was face up and then there was a faint glow of red that emanated from it.

“ARGH!!!” Hal shouted. Haruko’s gaze snapped to Hal and his hunched figure. He was in excruciating pain and the mark on his hand shone brightly.

“Hal!” Haruko shouted in alarm and came to his side. It was slow, but Hal did his best to remain standing. Whatever magic this was; it was too painful to stand. He crumpled to his knees and gritted his teeth against the pain. Haruko took up her sword and pointed it at the creature threateningly.

“You! Stop what you are doing!” Haruko demanded. She had no shield to protect herself. The only thing she had was this sword she found lying in the snow. The creature chuckled at her and that was unsettling.

“Haruko…don't…” Hal gritted out. Haruko didn't know what to do. She was terrified that her friend was going to die. She was terrified that this dragon or Archdemon behind them was going to eat them. She was terrified of this human like creature before them. She was afraid. But what she was scared of more, was the inability to help when it was needed most. Haruko gripped her sword with her shield hand and took two lunging steps at the creature. The creature stopped for a moment and caught Haruko by the arm and held her there. Terror set in and she watched his sinister smile widen.

“Haruko!” she could hear Hal cry out.

“Many have fought against the tides of fate, and yet the end result is always the same,” he said to her. Haruko then was throw away, and hit the back cliff wall hard. The world disappeared, but sound remained. She could feel her body crumple in the snow beneath her and words being exchanged. They were nothing but mumbles in the darkness, muffled by the force of her hit against the rocks. Haruko wanted to embrace the darkness, to allow it to finally take her to allow her body a chance for rest. But her job was not done. Hal was still in danger and they had yet to fire the trebuchet. 

_Get…up…get…up…GET UP!_ Haruko repeated over and over in her head. Slowly, her hand pressed into the snow. The cold feeling spread beneath her palm and through her fingers. The white color mixed with the dried grass came into focus as she forced her body to lift itself from the ground.

“We will never kneel to you!” Haruko heard Hal shout. “If we are dying…it is not today!”

Haruko’s focus came back at the same time Hal unleashed the last trebuchet attack. Haruko watched as the rock hit the mountainside so far away. Her vision focused so much that she could see the rush of snow descending upon Haven. The dragon roared in rage and took off quickly. Hal disappeared behind the trebuchet. Haruko scrambled to her feet and stumbled for balance. Twice her hands found the snow below her before she set out at a dead run to find somewhere to escape. A hill, anything that would cover the snow or redirect it. She jumped off the ramparts and landed on something weak. It broke beneath her weight and she fell into darkness and uncertainty.


	15. The Dawn Will Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven is gone. And Haruko and the Inquisitor?...God only knew where they were. Ever since the two of them disappeared behind those Chantry doors there had been no sign of them. Hope had successfully been crushed underneath the mountain of snow. Now all Maeve had was Masamune for company...and silent pleas for her friends to return to safety.

The feeling of something cold blew across her back. Haruko scrunched her eyes against the sensation and tried to move. Her limbs felt heavy, her body felt heavy, and her mind felt equally as fogged. 

“Uuuunn…” she groaned softly. Her face was pressed against cold stone. The wind blew again, just a soft breeze. Most days she would curse it, but today it helped to bring her back to her senses. She gave another moan and brought her right hand next to her face. Her left hand was already in place, there was no need to move it. With a little effort, Haruko pushed up. As she pushed, there was a shot of pain that went through her left arm and caused it to give out. Her face collided with the cold stone once more and she let out a hiss of pain. With a few breaths to let the pain subside, Haruko glanced at her left arm. If the pain was not an indicator as to the condition of her arm, the look certainly solidified it. It was bent at an odd angle.

“G-great…” Haruko whispered to herself. With a little more effort, she tried to roll over on her back. The attempt to lift herself without the use of her left arm was the toughest part. She shifted enough so that she could get on her right shoulder and then push off with her left leg. She flopped rather than rolled. The pain of her arm was intense, even as it lay across her stomach. Haruko huffed in pain, tears threatened to run down her face. 

“Sh-shit….” Haruko breathed. Swearing helped the pain along. Okay, she had to get up and out of this cave. She’d survived the avalanche…barely, and now she had to get herself out of here. That was going to be hard with a broken arm but still doable. All she had to do was sit up and then get up that way. If only she was not so tired. Haruko struggled to get herself upright. She propped herself on her right elbow and pushed with her left leg. At least she could get herself balanced.

“Okay…you…you can do this Haruko,” she whispered words of encouragement to herself. Just tuck her right leg under her and then she would be on her way out of here. 

“AGH!! FUCK…” Haruko shouted in agony. The pain in her leg was intense, worse than her arm had been. All she did was try to move it. Haruko remained still long enough for the pain to subside.

_Maeve was right…anything I do usually costs an arm and a leg_ she thought with each pant. Haruko looked down and saw that her shin was definitely bent at an odd angle. A sigh of pain and hopelessness passed her lips. What was she going to do now? Having one broken bone was bad enough, two?! Then again she did have an entire mountain fall on top of her, she should count herself as lucky to even breath. 

“Okay…” Haruko said then swallowed hard. “Okay…”

Get to a wall. That could at least prop herself up and allow her to rest without laying on the cold stone. With more than maximum effort, she slowly crawled her way to the wall. Each pull hurt and any sudden jerk or twitch hurt ten times worse. She groaned in agony, pulled herself to the wall and leaned up against it. Air could not fill her lungs fast enough. 

“Okay…okay…” Haruko repeated again. As soon as she was out of here she would not say the word “okay” for a long time. She had to splint these, had to at least move them so that they would not heal in this odd angle. Her life as a soldier would have been over otherwise. With a wear look to the sky she chuckled.

“I guess it’s a good thing I broke my leg before…” she laughed off the pain. That was the best way to handle the pain. Laugh it off. It allowed her to refocus and regain some sanity. There had to be some sticks or something she could use to splint. 

“Ah…you do have a sense of humour,” she murmured. Beside her, there was some broken pieces of what looked like a pallet. But what could she use to tie? Haruko looked down at her own body. She still had her armor on. There were plenty of straps that she could take apart and used them to hold the splints in place. But…shit…that was going to be a painful process of removing her chest plate. But she had to. There was nothing else around to help her. 

So slowly, and very carefully, Haruko began the process of taking off her armour. She could get the left side undone, but the right…Haruko did her best to just try and get the chest plate off of her body without undoing the ties on her right. It took a while, but she was able to maneuver it like a shirt. There was less pain involved that way. To add to it, she took her sword belt off. There was no need for a useless sheath to hang from her body. The weight would drag her down. It was a pain staking process, but she got the belts free from the metal and removed her scabbard. The first task was to set her arm. It didn't necessarily bend at an odd angle, but there was a lump that shouldn't have been there. This was easier to set. Two boards alongside her arm and then wrapped tightly with two belts. The pain was easier to bear and at least she would not have worry about making it worse.

“No weight…” she thought softly. Moving her fingers hurt like hell, but this next part was going to be worse. Her leg was definitely bent at an odd angle. No natural human would have a leg set like this. She pulled herself up and breathed heavily. Haruko had to relax, had to do this and out-think her own mind. If she did this quickly, and with all of her strength, she’d get it at least pointed the right way. 

“Alright…one…two…three…AAAGH…nhn,” Haruko whispered to herself in count and yanked her leg. The pain blinded her for a moment, and the sick crack of her own bones made her nauseous. Tears streamed from her eyes and she panted heavily through the pain. If she…when she got back, hopefully she didn't do too much damage. The mages would at least have a fun day trying to get her leg back to normal if she did. Her body begged for her to rest, screamed for it. Each new wave of pain seemed to erode her already waning consciousness. 

“Up…got to get up,” Haruko murmured. She couldn't fall asleep here, not when she didn't know where she was. There was that slight breeze of cold air that brushed her cheeks and woke her back up. With a blink, Haruko turned and got on her left knee. Her right leg followed and she leaned against the wall for support. With all of her strength, she lifted herself to her feet and stood there for a moment. Her arm and leg throbbed incessantly, but it felt good to finally get on her feet.

She shuffled, hobbled, tripped, and swore her way down this cave. It looked like it was natural cave system. So far as Haruko was concerned she was thankful for it for it saved her life. Hopefully Hal found one as well…but that…that was about as likely as her own survival. A lump formed in Haruko’s throat that made it hard to swallow. Perhaps she should have kept her chest plate on. There was no guarantee that the enemy would not be outside.

“Agh…Damnit!” she snapped when she slipped on some loose rocks. The wind was blowing harsher now. A searing cold sensation burned Haruko’s cheeks. She looked before her and saw the exit to the outside world. Thank goodness it was not covered in snow. But was it a blessing or a curse? Death by starvation and dehydration or by the cold? Haruko panted roughly. She knew she could not stay here.

“…Please…” Haruko gave a soft prayer. “If anything…let the others live.”

That was her…Haruko the one that was concerned about everyone else instead of herself. But it was only to mask the true fear she had. With uncertain and wobbly steps, Haruko walked out into the unknown.

~

Maeve sat there, beside the fire, her heart full of sorrow and worry. The avalanche had stopped the enemy from coming to them…but in return Haruko and Hal were missing. Masamune had whimpered every so often and cuddled up to Maeve for warmth and comfort. 

“I know boy…” Maeve said and patted his head. The little wolf pricked his ears up then settled them back down in a mopey fashion. He was worried about Haruko just as Maeve was. In reality, Maeve should have been the one out there helping Hal. She’d said that she had no regard for her own life and would gladly give it up if it meant the others lived. Her reasons were far less noble. Haruko still had so much to live for…and everyone she’d taught and befriended were beside themselves with worry and sorrow. 

“Someone’s got to go out there and look for her,” Finn said. He’d followed Haruko around ever since she stood up for him. Since then he’d grown into his armour and started to take charge.

“Might as well send out a search party for the Herald as well,” Ian said seriously.

“They are both just as important,” Allisen said with a snap.

“Then what are we sitting around waiting here for?” Finn asked.

“Because you were ordered to remain here,” Maeve interjected. Finn, Allisen, and Ian fell silent to that. Orders were orders. If they disobeyed them, they were liable to be fired from the Inquisition. That or killed by the enemy if they were still out there looking for the Inquisition. Maeve sighed heavily and got up from the campfire. Masamune lifted his head and looked to Maeve. The woman walked away from Haruko’s friends and aimlessly. All of this worry, anger, and frustration was wearing her down. At least Masamune was the only one that seemed to try and comfort her…or distract her with little whines.

“At least you try…” Maeve whispered to Masamune. He looked up at her with a slight tail wag before her looked forward.

“What is it boy?” Maeve asked. As she asked, she looked in the direction that Masamune was looking in. She saw nothing but the edge of camp. It was a tall hill, blocked only by a slight mountain side. They’d wandered in this direction because everyone seemed to be on the opposite end of camp. At least this end was quiet.

“There’s nothing there, boy,” Maeve said. She wished there was. She wished that Haruko and Hal would walk down that hill laughing and joking like they always did. Tears stung her eyes at the thought of her lost friends. Masamune whimpered once, and broke Maeve’s current train of thought.

“Not now…” she whispered but Masamune bounded forward four leaps. 

“Hey!” Maeve shouted. “You get back here.”

Masamune’s ears were pricked forward in attention. Most animals were sensitive to things that humans could not see or hear. Masamune was still a young pup, barely grown into adolescence. His bark surprised her more than anything. A childish pup bark but with the intent of all seriousness. He looked back to Maeve once and then back to the hill. Maeve strained her eyes and saw a figure walking forward. It was hard to tell but there was someone stumbling toward them, and then it hit her.

“Hal!” Maeve shouted loudly. A few soldiers in the area looked and were alarmed.

“Don’t just stand there! Get someone!” Maeve shouted at them. They ran off to find the key leaders. Maeve ran up the hill as best she could. With all this snow being an average knee deep for everyone else, it was practically up to Maeve’s hip if she was not careful. Masamune had it far worse. He bounded through the snow and would disappear at times only to appear once again with a jump. Maeve had barely made it to his side before she watched him collapse to his knees.

“Don’t worry Hal, we have people coming for you,” Maeve said softly. He nodded once and tried to catch his breath. His face looked splotched, scratched in places as though he survived an explosion or two. There was snow frozen in his hair and his body seemed to continue to shiver. It was too cold to be out here in this weather, and alone without help.

“Is Haruko with you?” Maeve then asked. She looked behind him and half hoped that she would be right behind Hal. Her eyes fell on Hal and he looked away with regret. Maeve’s heart sank at the look on his face. Haruko was not with him…and if she had to guess, he did not see her on the way here either. It was not long before there were people around them. They helped Hal up to his feet and walked him back to the camp. Maeve watched from the back before she looked to the distant wilderness.

“Haruko…I know you can make it…you always come back,” Maeve whispered. If she spoke any louder, her waver would betray her. Her tears would stream down. And her will would have been broken. Masamune walked back with Maeve and she went to check in on the Herald. He was laying on a cot, a blanket over him. Mother Giselle sat next to him and tended to the minor injuries to his face. Maeve cast her gaze down. She still hurt for her friend. Why was it that Hal could survive and not her best friend?

“I’m sorry, Maeve,” Hal said softly. Maeve looked and saw that Hal awake. His gaze was fixed on her and she felt even worse for thinking her previous thoughts.

“It wasn't your fault…” Maeve said sadly. “You both knew that it was a walk to face death…You’re lucky you made it out in one piece.”

It was the truth. She was glad that he came back, but she would also be sad about Haruko. They both knew the risks involved with that last move…and Haruko even made sure to say her final good-byes…but it wasn't enough to belief that her friend would never come back. Maeve gave a heavy sigh and leaned on one of the support tent beams. Masamune walked over to Hal and gave him a little sniff.

“I’m sorry too…” Hal whispered to the little wolf. His ears pricked forward and he stood up on his hind legs to give the Herald an encouraging lick to the face. Afterwards, the little wolf dropped back to all fours and turned to walk away. As if by magic, Yakul walked by them and Masamune met up with him. The two touched noses before they walked in the direction Hal had come from.

“Yakul? Masamune? Where do you think you are going?” Maeve asked. She took two steps toward them before a soldier grabbed Yakul’s reins. The Hart snorted in defiance and Masamune growled at the soldier.

“What has gotten into them?” Cassandra asked in surprise. Half of her was still angry with the arguments that she had with the other leaders. Yakul struggled against the soldier’s grip and pulled at the reins.

“They probably want to find Haruko,” Maeve said as she came forward. Yakul stopped struggling for a moment and calmed under Maeve’s pat. Maeve could only assume that it was because Maeve was familiar enough to do so.

“And find them we shall,” Cullen said with determination. He took the reins from the soldier. Maeve wasn't the only one surprised by this.

“Commander?” Cassandra looked very confused.

“That woman has made more leaps to help this cause and to help the Herald,” Cullen snapped angrily. “We were already certain to go looking before the Herald before he showed up.”

“And you think it wise to go out there yourself?” Cassandra asked. She did have a point. Commander Cullen was the leader of the army here. He was also one of the leaders of this new Inquisition.

“Go look for her Commander Cullen,” Hal’s voice broke through them. Maeve and the rest of them turned to see Hal. He struggled to stand where he was, the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. 

“Are you sure you should be up Hal?” Maeve asked. She took a step toward him but he held a hand up to stop her.

“Haruko made an effort to try and protect me when faced with our enemy, I think I can manage,” Hal said softly. “If there are any survivors along the way, mark them on the map. We will get them before moving on.”

“As you say, Herald,” Cullen said and then mounted Yakul. He had not ridden a Hart before, but if there was anyone that could find Haruko, it would be her animal friends. The large deer creature whistled like an elk loudly before it launched forward in a run. Masamune did his best to follow behind the taller beast, and found it easier to follow behind in the footsteps. Maeve wanted to call the wolf back, but knew it would be pointless.

“Come back…bring Haruko back with you…” Maeve said softly. It was the one prayer that she sent with them.

~

Haruko woke up slowly. How long had she laid there in the snow? She slowly moved her head and shook the snow free from her hair. Her hands struggled to break free of their snowy prison. Once they were free, Haruko struggled to push herself to her feet. Why did she ever leave that stupid cave? The fires that she had followed up till this point had been cold, and never recent enough to give her cause to continue to follow them. Hell it had been luck that she found anything out in this blizzard.

_Come on…you can get up…you can move_ Haruko thought to herself. Her hands were beyond shivering at this point. With effort, she lifted herself up from the ground and stood on shaky legs. Her feet fumbled forward, stumbled through the deep snow. Her right leg throbbed angrily, irritated and sore from the abuse. The wind was relentless but less so if Haruko stuck to the tree line.

_Just keep shivering…don’t stop…just keep_ Haruko thought desperately. Her body was shaking still, but it was harder to walk forward because of that. She kept moving her fingers when she could, her toes as well. But it was hard to do all of these things and still walk forward.

“Aagh!” Haruko cried out in pain. Her right foot did not find solid enough snow and slipped. This cause her to go off balance, fall face first back into the snow. Blackness blanketed her once again. Time passed, but how much was uncertain. The only thing that was certain was this annoying wet thing brushing against her face. 

“S-stop it…” Haruko murmured. Anything cold and wet would be detrimental. Haruko wanted to lay there…to just sleep and wait for someone to rescue her. But that wet whatever was determined to wake her up. Haruko groaned a little and lifted her head so slowly. At first she thought it was Masamune, but he was not nearly full grown. Fright set in. Wolves were not known for their protection of strangers, especially when she was such easy prey right now. The wolf stood in front of her for a moment, before it nudged her. It was encouraging her. Haruko did her best to get up, struggling against the cold, her pain long gone. There was another wolf that came in close. It sniffed at her for some reason before it bounded ahead. The wolf that had stayed at her side had not moved. It would only move when she took a step. Haruko struggled through the snow even as several other wolves showed themselves. They walked beside her, as though to encourage her. The one that walked beside her stopped only to howl into the night. The night echoed with this somber howl even as the wind tried to silence it.

_Perhaps they are the pack that we rescued in the Hinterlands?_ Haruko thought as she stumbled through the snow. It was a slow processes. Her leg was having difficulty finding proper footing and her broken leg was well…unable to help in the effort to get home. Another howl replied, a howl that Haruko was very familiar with. It was young, and inexperienced.  
“Masamune…Oh Maker…God…whoever watches over this land….Thank you,” she said with such happiness. With her renewed resolve, Haruko continued to stumble and walk through the deep snow in order to reach that wolf that gave her hope.

~

Yakul, Cullen, and Masamune had walked out into the wilderness with no clear direction to Haruko. The wind whipping around them was enough to disorient anyone in this weather but it was nowhere near a true blizzard. But Maker…the destruction that avalanched caused. There were markers, old fire places of where some of the stragglers had rested before they joined up with the rest of the Inquisition. Could Haruko truly be out there? Cullen sighed inwardly at the thought. It was foolish to come out here, when the reality of her survival was so clear. Hal was one thing…he was the Herald…but even he should have been buried. A howl in the distance broke his current thoughts. Yakul halted at the sound and looked around. His ears pricked forward and alert.

_Animals know things I don’t know_ Haruko answered his question about her love of animals. _There are so many stories about animals help other animals and even humans. They are honest with their feelings…and if I happened to be in trouble, I’d trust them with my life._

If that was true, then Yakul and Masamune were hot on the trail to find Haruko. Masamune stopped enough to let out a howl back. Cullen looked back at him with an irritated scowl on his face.

“You honestly think that will help Haruko?” he asked. Why was he talking to the little wolf? Masamune looked at him, his tongue out as he panted heavily. He lunged forward with more effort than Yakul was giving. Yakul barely had to step into the snow. His prancing manner helped him walk through the snow far easier than the tiny little wolf pup. But Yakul waited for Masamune to take the lead. The little wolf bound ahead as best he could and Yakul followed behind him. The only control that Cullen had was stop and start. 

“Maker please…” Cullen prayed under his breath. The snow was whipped up in this unrelenting wind, and the cold temperature of the night did not help. If he could not get to Haruko soon, she would sooner freeze to death than be rescued. Masamune gave a loud bark. The Commander looked ahead to see shadowed figures approach them. They were wolves and they surrounded A fallen figure. Cullen’s heart sank. If that was Haruko…then… Masamune darted for them as best he could. He flopped in the snow clumsily, but his bark was determined and fierce as much as a puppy's bark could be. The wolves turned and looked at him with glares of wildness. One bared its fangs at Masamune as he came towards them but the bigger, elder looking one snapped down at the smaller more aggressive one. Masamune slowed up as he got closer and the older wolf sniffed at him. Masamune was excited, curious, and sniffed the older wolf with that same enthusiasm. 

Cullen could not get out of the saddle fast enough. He wanted to dash to Haruko’s side but the snow impeded his way. When he jumped down from Yakul’s back, his feet sank till they were knee deep in snow. That did not stop him. He pushed forward, hastened to Haruko’s side. The wolves that stood near her pricked their ears forward and watched Cullen approach them. Some backed away, fearful of this new human. The one that had greeted Masamune stood talk and at the ready. He waited patiently for Cullen to get closer before it turned and walked away. The rest of the wolves followed and disappeared into the distance.

“Haruko!” Cullen shouted at her. She didn't move. Dread set into Cullen’s heart as he sank to his knees beside her and brushed the snow off of her. Maker, how long had she been here? Like this? Haruko didn’t seem to move, not when he was so rough to get the snow off of her.

“Oh Maker, Haruko, please be alive,” he said. That is when she stirred. There was a soft groan and Cullen hurried to get her out of the snow. He lifted her out of the snow and turned her over. Her face was covered in scratches, one particular one ran from her forehead and ran diagonal across her left eye. The frost had frozen the blood in place as with the other scratches on her face. He watched as she blinked and tried to regain consciousness. At least she still drew breath. Her eyes looked at him but did not really see him. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to focus on him 

“Cullen?” she said in a question. Her voice sounded strange, hoarse. 

“Maker’s Breath, you’re freezing!” Cullen breathed.

“Oh…thank God…” she whispered softly. Her head lulled to one side. She must have been exhausted, but they could not rest, not yet. 

“Haruko…Haruko…stay awake,” Cullen said firmly. Haruko blinked a few more times and looked back at him.

“It’s not over yet,” Cullen explained seriously. “Can you stand?”

Haruko took a few slow breath and gave a small nod. Cullen wasn't sure if she was truly hearing him. Her body seemed so lethargic. He helped her stand up until she gave a sharp gasp of pain. She stumbled forward and he had to catch she from falling. 

“Ow…” she murmured. Her face was ghostly pale and etched with pain. Cullen looked to see her right leg was crudely splinted. Her left arm was done the same…with an odd lump right in the middle. She was not as lucky as the Herald.

“Here, lean on me,” Cullen said. Haruko did not have the will to argue. She let him maneuver around her so her good arm was over his shoulders. They were slow to make their way back to Yakul. He stood with the patience of the mountain. Cullen wondered how such animals could wait. Masamune danced around them. He tried to sniff Haruko, get her attention with a few shoves but to no avail. He had to have been worried about her if she was not acting herself. 

Once they were beside Yakul, Cullen helped her lean against the beast. He had to get her out of this weather, somehow. There had to be a blanket stashed in her saddle pack. She’d been on enough trips to pack for emergencies. He found a spare blanket, not a good one, but good enough for this moment. He took it and wrapped her in it. He then held her frame still against him, with the blanket secured around her. Blessed Andraste, she still shivered in all of this. Now how would he get them both on Yakul’s back? If Haruko was aware enough, this would be a non-issue, but as things were…it was near impossible. Yakul was the one to move first. He shifted his front legs in soft steps before his knees bent. He seemed to understand the need, or maybe Andraste blessed the creature with understanding. Whatever the case, Cullen did not hesitate to get on.

“Ngh…” Haruko moaned when he set her on Yakul’s back. It was not the most comfortable position, but she would have to make do. Sitting side saddle might help keep her legs from bouncing around unnecessarily. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and held her close as Yakul stood up. The beast might have tried to be careful, but it did not feel like it to Haruko. She let out a small whimper and then fell silent. Her head rested against his chest. She looked so weak and exhausted.

“We’re almost out of this. Just a little further Haruko,” Cullen encouraged. But was that encouragement for her? Or for himself?

~

Maeve sat herself down at yet another fire. This waiting around made her nervous and worried. There was only so much time she had though, walking around, pacing, before the cold forced her to seek warmth.

“She’ll come back…she’s been through worse,” a familiar voice said. Maeve turned to see Dorian. 

“Mind if I join you? The south is dreadfully cold,” the Tevinter mage said. Maeve gave a weak nod. He sat down within arm’s reach of her. There was a silence that fell between them but it was heavy. Both of them were worried and frightened. How could they not be?

“One person walking away unscathed from that avalanche…” Maeve murmured.

“Yes, but going to the future and returning is even more so,” Dorian replied. “She’s made a habit to come back no matter what. It just might be a little longer than we would like it to be.”

He did have a point. But the longer she was out there. Alone…without help…the less likely she was to return from this. Maeve out a small sigh and looked back at the fire. At least the flames were pretty enough to be distracting. It was moments after that the camp was alive with mocked activity.

“What’s going on?” Maeve asked. Finn ran from the crowd and came to them.

“It’s the Captain…Haruko!” Finn panted out. “She’s back!”

“What?” Maeve exclaimed. Dorian and Maeve scrambled to their feet as fast as they could. Maeve was not polite as she pushed through the crowd to get to the front. Yakul’s antlers were easy to spot, but the taller people in the way blocked Haruko and the Commander from view. When she managed to get to the front, she saw the horrific state Haruko was in. She saw her wrapped in the pathetic excuse for a blanket, saw the scratches on her face and the deep gash across her eye, saw the paleness, the shivering form, and her apparent unconsciousness. Haruko did not walk away from this as Hal did. 

“Haruko!” Maeve half called to her and ran forward. Yakul was the one to side step away from Maeve. Maeve stopped and merely placed her hands to her mouth in horror and shock.

“Careful, she has severe injuries,” Cullen warned. Maeve nodded and tears threatened her eyes. She was happy that Haruko had been found, but she was so worried for her friend’s current condition. 

“Don’t just stand there, people move!” Ian’s voice boomed over the crowd that had gathered. A few of Haruko’s platoon came through and stood ready to help, but it was Yakul who decided differently. He’s knees bent once more, and he lowered his body closer to the ground. The Commander carefully dismounted, an arm wrapped around her back to support her.

“I have to move you,” he said to her. Haruko did not say anything, but when he lifted her into her arms she let out a pathetic whimper. For some reason he tried not to jostle her too much. Did she break something? Was it truly that bad? It might have been better to allow someone else to carry her. Cullen was still in full armour and that would make it rather uncomfortable for Haruko…then again she might still be in her full armour. It was hard to tell what she looked like under that shabby blanket. 

“We’re almost there,” Cullen said to Haruko. It was rare to see this side of him. He was far gentler with her than he had ever been with any of the soldiers. What did she look like when he found her? Something had clearly shaken him up. Maeve followed behind him as he carefully walked his way to the makeshift recovery tent. Mother Giselle had prepared a bed for her to lay in. Hal sat himself up on his arm to watch. His face looked pained and then worried. 

“Over here Commander,” the revered mother said softly. Cullen followed her instructions and lay her gently across the cot. It was not much, definitely not the most comfortable thing to lay in but it was better than nothing. There was a soft groan from Haruko, but then a sigh of relief. She’d stopped moving, found a place to finally rest.

“We have to get the blanket off of her,” Mother Giselle said softly.

“She’s barely had time to warm herself,” Cullen protested.

“I know, but if her injuries are as severe as you say, then we must treat them right away,” the revered mother said simply. Maeve didn’t agree with it either. If Haruko was still shivering from all of that, and more violently than before, then she needed to be in some place warm.

“I think she needs to warm up first,” Maeve said softly. She walked up and watched as Haruko shivered under the blankets. She looked so helpless in that little wrap of a pathetic blanket.

“If we are being completely honest, do you think she would keep still long enough to treat anything?” Maeve then asked. The revered mother gave a small nod. She was only trying to help the people here. If Haruko wasn't going to remain still, any treatment they tried to give would end up harming her. 

“I will find her another blanket,” she then said. She walked off into the camp to fulfill her mission. Cullen remained for a moment and gave a small sigh. He turned his back on her and scratched the back of his head in worry. Maeve reached out a hand to fix her blanket. It was thin, tattered, probably picked up on the field somewhere on one of Haruko’s many adventures out of Haven. Some nights were colder than others, and if she was alone well…this would have to do…but she never expected to be in this condition. Maeve gave a slight tug and Haruko gave a moan. Fingers wrapped tightly around her wrist in a firm grip.

“I’m only trying to-“ Maeve started to explain.

“I know…but she…her arm is broken as is her leg…I’m sure the shivering is pain enough without being moved,” Cullen’s words were tired and soft.

“Go easy on her Commander,” Hal said sternly. “She’s been more worried about her safety than any one of us.”

Maeve looked to Cullen and saw something flicker. Was he rising to that challenge? Was it doubt? Realization? What was that emotion that played across the Commander’s face?

“I’m sorry…” Cullen said and then released her hand. Maeve took her wrist back and rubbed it a little. It didn’t hurt it just…startled her. Everyone was on edge since the attack on Haven and sitting around like this…waiting…it didn’t help anyone’s nerves. Maeve gave a small sigh and returned her gaze to Haruko’s shaking form. At least she was here, safe and sound. 

“She’ll get through this,” Hal said softly. Maeve looked to the Herald. He looked worn, about as bad as Haruko did, and exhausted just the same.

“You should rest instead of worrying about us,” she said quietly. Hal gave a small chuckle.

“I don’t think that would be possible,” he said. Even as he spoke, he rolled his head back so he seemed to rest. Maeve gave a small sigh once more and found a small stool to sit on. Haruko was going to need someone to watch her, for a little while. Masamune then bounded through with his fur covered in patches of snow. He shook violently in an attempt to free the snow from his fur. Maeve held up a hand to block the stray bits of snow.

“Masamune!” she snapped scoldingly. The young pup looked to her with an excited look and ran to her. He all but launched himself into her lap and then stood to be in the same cot as Haruko.

_I knew this was a bad idea!_ Maeve thought to herself and held Masamune back. The pup whined incessantly and struggled against her iron grip.

“See what I mean?” Hal then said.

“You’re not helping!” Maeve said through her struggling. He chuckled again. The little pup whine once more before he looked to Maeve with pleading eyes. Maeve scowled at the wolf pup.

“Just because your owner lets you sleep in her bed with her doesn't mean it’s okay now,” Maeve said. The wolf pup’s ears dropped a bit and he tried his best pity look. He added one last small whine. Maeve did not give up on her grip. Until Haruko was well enough to say something about it. Mother Giselle returned with a thicker blanket and placed it over Haruko’s shaking form. She also decided to treat her facial wounds. The one that went from her forehead down across her cheek would probably scar. Masamune gave up on his attempt to get into Haruko’s cot and resigned to laying right underneath her. Anywhere Haruko was seemed to comfort the young pup. Hal took these few moments to gain some sort of sleep. Maeve sat beside her friend while Mother Giselle watched over the Herald. 

Before them, the three leaders of the Inquisition were bickering and arguing. They agreed that they could not just remain here while this new threat loamed over them, but they could not just up and leave at this very moment. The Herald had barely returned, had barely a moment to rest after walking back from death itself. There were others that were just as badly injured, Haruko being among them. 

“ENOUGH!” Cassandra’s roar echoed into the night. “This is getting us nowhere!”

“Well we are agreed on that much!” Cullen snapped back angrily. Maeve watched as the group disappeared and she frowned to herself. What use was there in arguing now? Night was still upon them, why not rest and figure this out when the sun was high and the warmth of its rays washed this place in its light? She was not entirely without understanding. This new threat, Corypheus, had nearly killed everyone at Haven, had taken the Templars and turned them into something monstrous. Yes, it was okay to feel scared, but so much so that you lashed out at everyone? Maeve was too tired to even muster that amount of effort.

“Shh…you need your rest,” Mother Giselle’s voice said. Maeve turned and saw Hal sitting up.

“They have been at it for hours,” he grumbled angrily. Any other time and Maeve would have made fun of that face. Hal was usually so carefree and jovial, but right now he looked absolutely pissed that he was awake.

“They have that luxury, thanks to you,” the revered mother said kindly. “The enemy could not follow, and with time to doubt. We turn to blame…infighting may threaten as much as this Corypheus.”

“Do we know where Corypheus and his forces are?” Hal asked gruffly. That was an ever present threat in the minds of everyone here. Just the thought of it made Maeve tense up with uncertainty.

“We are not sure where we are. Which may be why, despite the numbers he still commands, there is no sign of him,” Mother Giselle replied. “That, or you are believed dead. Or without Haven, we are thought helpless. Or he girds for another attack.”

Maeve gave there revered mother a pleading look. No one wanted to think about that, not when they were resting here. Mother Giselle looked out to the scattered remnants of the argument. 

“I cannot claim to know the mind of that creature, only his effect on us,” she finished solemnly. Maeve looked to Haruko. She’d stopped her shivering a few hours ago and had fallen into a deep sleep. Maeve had been attentive, checking every now and then if Haruko was truly cold or not. By some small miracle, Haruko was warm to the touch and the sleep was a blessing. Now she lay with her arm and leg tended to properly and a thick blanket over her to keep her warm.

“I don’t think it was necessary to have Cassandra shout the way she did,” Maeve commented quietly. Hal snorted once and slowly moved to sit at the edge of his cot. 

“All this yelling is just going to give us a headache…another one,” Hal muttered.

“They are uncertain of what the next course of action would be best. And there are questions. About you,” the revered mother said to Hal. “Our leaders struggle because of what we survivors witnessed. We saw our defender stand…and fall…and now, we have seen him _return_.” 

It was a miracle that Hal returned, even more so that Haruko joined him in that feat. Hell she had walked right beside him in most of his adventures if not by accident then what other explanation was there? Divine intervention? Fate? It didn’t seem likely.

“The more the enemy is beyond us, the more miraculous your actions appear,” Mother Giselle added. “And the more our trials seem ordained.”

“That seems hard to believe,” Maeve said. “We just have an unhealthy amount of bad luck.”

“That is hard to accept, yes,” Mother Giselle said with a nod. “What we have been called to endure? What _we_ , perhaps, must come to believe?”

“In all honestly I escaped the avalanche,” Hal then said. Maeve gave him a look and he gave a half smile.

“Barely, but I didn’t die,” he corrected. If the new cuts on his face were not a testament to his ordeals, then the weariness in the lines on his face would be.

“Of course, and the dead cannot return from across the Veil,” the revered mother said. “But the people know what they saw. Or, perhaps, what they needed to see. The Maker works both in the moment and in how it is remembered.”

Sounded like a lot of Chantry nonsense coming from Mother Giselle. Then again, Maeve was not one for Divine Intervention other than in passing joke. Did the people really think that Hal walked back from the Fade? Veil? Whatever it was? No normal person would have thought that. If they took a moment to step back and think of how a person actually survives…well…yes, it is extraordinary. Surviving an avalanche isn't unheard of but maybe here…with their lack of technology and preparedness…maybe it was less so.

“Can we truly know the Heavens are _not_ with us?” the revered mother asked.

“I still think it is bad luck,” Maeve muttered.

“There could be some of that,” Hal agreed lightly. “But what of what Corypheus said? His claim?”

“Scripture says Magisters, Tevinter servants of the false Old Gods, entered the Fade to reach the Golden City, Seat of the Maker,” Mother Giselle explained quietly. “For their crime, they were cast out as Darkspawn. Their hubris is why we suffer the Blights, and why the Maker turned from us. If such is the claim of this Corypheus, he is a monster beyond imagining. All mankind continues to suffer for that sin.”

Now that was something to think about. _If_ Corypheus’ words were true, then it was he who blighted this world. Then that would mean some of the teachings and chants that this Chantry had taught were true…but that left them with too many more questions than answers.

“If even a shred of it is true,” Mother Giselle continued. “All the more reason Andraste would choose someone to rise against him.”

“This monster claimed that he found only corruption and emptiness, nothing golden within that city,” Hal said. His fingers weaved into themselves and clasped together tightly. Something about this made him upset and unsettled.

“If he entered that place, it has changed him without and within. The living are not meant to make that journey,” Mother Giselle explained. “Perhaps these are lies he _must_ tell himself, rather than accept that he earned the scorn of the Maker. I know I could not bear such.” 

“This sounds like a bunch of fate bull,” Maeve muttered.

“You do not believe?” Mother Giselle asked her directly. Maeve gave a small sigh.

“I am not from here remember?” she said softly. “I believe in what is before me. Facts. Not this…this…whatever you call it. The consequences of your choices are what lead you to a point.”

“Then what do you think of this? Is it not something to at least consider?” Mother Giselle asked.

“Again, bad luck. The mages, the Templars, the whole world going to shit…all just a bout of bad luck as far as I am concerned,” she muttered. In all honest, she did not want to talk about it. When had any good come from believing in a higher being? Hell the creature that was after them was aspiring to become a god, and look at all the destruction and chaos he left in his wake.

“If we have any chance of beating Corypheus…we need more than just faith,” Hal muttered. Clearly this conversation bothered him. He got up from his seat and walked to the entrance of the tent. Tiredly, he leaned an arm against one of the support beams and watched the people as they went about their business. Maeve wished she could do more for him. He looked so tired standing there. But what more could she say? The revered mother had asked for her own opinion; how could she not be honest about it? Granted, she might have had a little more bite in her wording but that was out of frustration for their current situation. Her situation. Nothing about this had anything to do with divine intervention, just…just horrible circumstances.

_But…what of our coming here?_ Maeve thought to herself. That was a hard thought to think about. Nothing in their world actually made sense, not if there was an attempt to explain it. The magic of this world definitely explained it but there were no consistencies enough to explain it. Maeve sighed. The threat of a meltdown was shadowed in the depths of her mind. Her anxiety had been alright so far, but only after she kept taking her potions. Even those would be limited for now. 

Maeve placed her head in her hands and tried to concentrate on the good things. They were all alive. That was definitely a good thing. Haruko and Hal returned from God knows where _and_ survived the avalanche. Both were really good things. But that was it…there it was. All of the bad crushing the good. The threat of them dying out here was very real. The threat of Corypheus killing them while they fled was very real. Death was a very real and close option. Just the thought alone was enough to make tears sting her eyes. 

_Haruko…please…just…what am I supposed to do?_ Maeve thought as the first few tears started to spill over.

_Shadows fall and hope has fled_  
Steel your heart the dawn will come  
The night is long and the path is dark  
Look to the skies for one day soon, the dawn will come 

Maeve looked up and saw Mother Giselle walk to Hal’s side. The Herald turned and listened to the soft song sung. It was quiet, somber in tone. She walked out a little farther, Hal silently beside her and begun to sing the next few words.

_The shepherd’s lost and his home is far_  
Keep to the stars, the dawn will come.  
The night is long and the path is dark.  
Look too the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come. 

This time, a few other voices piped up. They sung with the revered mother. They were more hopeful than before. Maeve found herself standing in awe of them. 

__**Bare your blade and raise it high**  
Stand your ground, the dawn will come  
The night is long and the path is dark  
Look to the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come 

Everyone in the camp, in unison, sang with the strength of something indescribable. Maeve thought that she could do anything, that they could do anything now. Everyone looked to Hal, the Herald, with confidence that had been long gone since the attack on Haven. Somehow that was restored, with a miraculous ferocity. Maeve was astounded. This was the stuff of fairytales, and she was right in the middle of it. She looked back at Haruko and had a soft smile on her face.

“We will make it, Haruko,” Maeve said with soft confidence. If she understood anything that happened to them in those short days, it was that they were going to be all right.


	16. The Long Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luck has, so far, been with them. Whatever or whom ever looked down on them allowed them to survive. At least this is what Haruko believed, along with many other Andrastians. Now Solas has offered knowledge of a place that the Inquisition might be able to defend itself, far better than they ever could at Haven. The journey will not be easy, but the rewards...

Daylight came with a new plan in mind. Hal had spoken with Solas at length about a possible new headquarters. There was an untouched fortress that was waiting for someone, a group of people with a purpose to live within its walls. That was hope enough to drive the remaining people from Haven forward. There were many that had already succumb to their wounds and embraced death’s cold hold. Haruko had made a miraculous turn from when she was found, despite two of her limbs being broken.

Many of the healers were upset with the condition of her limbs, particularly her leg. They scolded her for setting it the way she did, but only every now and again. They’d healed it enough with magic so that it would not be detrimental to her job. However, that was all they could do. The rest was up to her own body to heal. It was a curiousity really. They could heal her minor wounds and cuts with a simple wave of a hand, but anything more serious they could only make it so it did not cause permanent damage. Some had speculated that it was because they were from a completely separate world, and thus their laws regarding magic were different than the rest. Still it was not the weirdest thing to happen.

Currently the day was nice, and there was not a cloud in the sky. The sun was a welcome source of warmth, especially as they walked their way through the mountains. Solas was not sure exactly where this place was, only that it was to the north of where they were camped. Hell, anything north was over a mountain and into more mountains. Haruko would have had more trouble traveling, if she was not graced with Yakul’s presence. How the beast managed to survive and find its way to the surviving Inquisition will be a mystery. 

“How are you holding up?” Maeve asked Haruko. Haruko looked down from her small seat on Yakul’s back. The beast snorted and sniffed at the snow. He’d been worked just as hard as the people climbing through the snow without a mount. She looked out to the people who struggled. There was a look of pain that crossed her face as well as worry. Yakul stumbled a bit through the snow and Haruko was forced to snap her attention forward. The pain in her leg was severe and Haruko gritted her teeth against the pain.

“F-fine…” she ground out. Maeve gave a sigh and knew otherwise. Haruko took a few shaky breathes to ease the pain. It wasn't that bad when it did not move, but a sharp jolt or a twitch would set her leg a flame with agony. At least her broken arm was slung against her body and stable. The sling allowed her arm to rest but more importantly, Haruko requested that it would be tied such that it be tied to her body as well. Helped prevent it from bouncing around too much.

“How…how about the others?” Haruko then asked. Maeve let out a growl of frustration. This woman would never worry about herself if there were other people to worry about. Hell, even if everyone was in perfect health Haruko would find someone to worry over. There was never a moment that she worried about herself.

“Could you just worry about healing and keeping out of trouble for one day? Just one day?” Maeve asked dramatically. Haruko had a smile on her face that was infectious. Maeve was well aware that her being dramatic gave something for her friend to laugh at, but sometimes she wished that Haruko would take her seriously.

“You expect too much from me,” the woman said. Maeve scowled at Haruko. Haruko laughed a little bit but Maeve gave smack to her right leg.

“Seriously though! You walk back from an avalanche that nearly kills you, and you are broken. How can you possibly help people when you are barely functional yourself?” Maeve insisted. Haruko looked thoughtful for just a moment. A shrug soon followed and it only fueled Maeve’s current frustration.

“It’s just…if I can still help people in some way, then why not?” Haruko said.

“Maker’s breath, Haruko, you barely escaped death and you have barely recovered from it,” Cullen scolded. Haruko sighed heavily. Everyone seemed to be against her helping out, more so than when she would be injured in Haven. It wasn't just the people that she usually hung out with, it was the various other people who told her to rest. No matter if she came up and offered a small reprieve from the uneven snow, the people would smile kindly at her and wave her on. Some of it was out of pity, others might have been ordered to refuse her help. Haruko wouldn't put it past Hal and the others. They already knew her personality. 

“Don’t take it so personally,” Maeve said as words of encouragement. “You’ll heal up in no time.”

“Yeah…” Haruko breathed lowly.

“You should be thankful that you walked away at all,” Cullen said. His words might have been harsh, as was his tone, but deep inside he cared. Maeve would never forget how scared the Commander looked when he returned with Haruko’s weak form. He had rarely been unnerved, even when Haven was being assaulted he still had his head…but as soon as he returned with Haruko…there was something about him that changed and Maeve wasn't sure how to explain it. 

“And I am rather happy that the mountain didn’t decide to kill me,” Haruko snapped back with her biting wit. Honestly these two would be mistaken for siblings the way that had bickered.

“I think the mountain would have done it if the Commander had not gone out to rescue your dumbass,” Maeve said. She joked with her phrasing, only because it was better to laugh at something than to break down in tears. Especially when that thought was ever present in Maeve’s mind.

“Hey, guys, I’m here aren’t I?” Haruko said with light exasperation. There was no need to reveal in the past when it did not happen…though she was the biggest hypocrite if she said those words out loud. She barely wanted to talk about her adventures at war and refused to speak about the future that never was. 

“That’s not the point,” Maeve said. 

“I agree,” Cullen said.

“Alright, Mom! Dad! I think that’s enough hounding the child from doing something stupid!” Haruko said. She was done being scolded for something she was ready to do. It was done. She was alive. There was no point in yelling at her for being as dumb as they thought she was. 

“I think someone should tell you, you are being dumb,” Maeve snapped. “You have a bad habit of not taking care of yourself when you need to and someone needs to remind you! At least this time around you have little choice but to take it easy.”

Haruko sighed heavily. Yes, she needed to heal so that she could go back to her normal job. Yes, there was little else to do on this trip other than sit in her saddle and walk on with the rest of the masses. However, she felt useless and so out of place. 

“We would not be as harsh if you were not so reckless,” Cullen said. He ignored her comments. If he got sucked into her phrasing, she would be the one that turned this argument back on them. Hopefully it would quell any need to push herself further than she already had. Haruko had done enough, more than enough, it was time for her to rest. 

“How many times am I going to have to say that I got it?” Haruko asked.

“You’ll say that and still do something stupid,” Maeve pointed out.

“You’re not wrong,” Haruko replied a slight nod of her head. The Commander was the one to sigh and Maeve gave an exasperated scowl. There was no getting through to Haruko. It was one of her greatest strengths and yet also her weakness to help those in need. But it was more than that, it was specific around protecting the ones that were close to her. Perhaps that was one of the reasons that spurned her to walk through those Chantry doors and disappear with the Herald. 

It was after a long hour of walking that the Commander had the brilliant idea of allowing her to carry some of the cargo from Haven. Most of their supplies were carried on the backs of creatures called Brontos. They had a similar build as a rhinoceros. However, their shoulders stood taller and allowed for a hump to form. Their necks were practically nonexistent, and their horns were the exact same length. The first one sat on the middle of its short snout, and the other sat right on top of its head. There were other horn like protrusions on its hump and shoulders. All in all, this was a hardy, sturdy breed that was perfect for carrying their things across the mountain side. The horses would easily tire, those that had survived Haven at all, or could not carry the same amount of weight. 

Haruko had urged Maeve to walk on while Cullen helped situate some of the cargo to her. At least it would keep her busy. Now Maeve walked with her favorite beautiful mage instead. 

“It really is rather cute how those two interact with one another,” Dorian commented with a smile. Maeve turned around to look at her friend and the commander and saw that they were back on friendly terms. 

“Isn’t it? They don’t even know,” Maeve said with a grin. Most of her teasing had been just that; teasing. But after what happened just recently, the idea that the Commander and Haruko had hidden feelings for one another started to show. But that adventure was best left alone and the teasing was just that more enjoyable.

“How are you holding up?” Maeve then asked Dorian. He was tired from all the walking, but so was everyone else. As always he gave a flash of a confident smile.

“Me? Well considering I am from the north were there isn’t much snow at all,” Dorian explained. “I’m just splendid. The snow is just so cold and freezing I think I might want to build a house here. That is, after all, what southerners like to do.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you were being sarcastic,” Maeve said with a grin.

“If only I was. Have you seen some of the places here? There is hardly a road to this new fortress we are wandering towards,” Dorian continued. 

“Well…okay, you have a point,” Maeve said. “But it wouldn't be as much fun if it wasn't in the middle of nowhere.”

“True, our adventure would seem rather dull indeed if we just waltzed down from these mountains and found ourselves a decent city to rebuild in,” Dorian said with light sarcasm.

“At least we would get a decent bed to sleep in,” Maeve agreed with a nod. They continued to converse back and forth like this. Much of their conversation was idle chatter or gossip. The two had become such friends that it was nice to have a chat with someone who appreciated the city life and not this wilderness around them. Good God, what Maeve would give to be in a warm bed after sleeping out in the snow for two weeks in a row. It didn’t help that night fell just as fast as morning came and they were stuck sitting next to said campfire’s for warmth.

Haruko fell asleep first, which was a feat in itself. Normally she would have been the last to crawl into her bed but with the pain she had to endure, without pain medication, and coupled with the travelling it was no surprise that her body would force her to rest when her mind was so against it. Maeve turned to look at her friend, who lay behind her, and then gently pulled her blanket closer to her chin.

“I’m glad to see you two are doing fine,” a gruff voice said. Maeve turned to look and Blackwall sat himself down at their fireside.

“After the run from Haven, I was worried that you might have suffered more than just a blow to the head,” he confided. In truth, Maeve was still confounded when they ran from the Chantry and into the secret passageways. Who wasn't during that time?

“Nah, I can take more of a beating than you think,” Maeve said suggestively. Blackwall looked a little confused before he caught on. It took Maeve a wink to get him to understand the meaning of her tone and he coughed the comment away. 

“Thanks for saving me though,” Maeve said sincerely.

“How did you know?” he then asked.

“Haruko told me,” Maeve explained. Haruko made sure that Maeve knew that it was Blackwall that saved her from certain death at the hands of that Archdemon. 

“All in a day's work for a Grey Warden,” Blackwall said. Of course it was all in a day's work. They were up against dark spawn and an Archdemon. That was a Grey Warden’s job, to hunt and kill dark spawn before they consumed the world in a blight.

“No need to be all shy about it,” Maeve said with a light laugh. Blackwall seemed to look shy about their rescue. He’d already done enough to grant him a reputation in the Inquisition, not to mention within the Grey Wardens. 

“You save the world from being turned into something far worse,” Maeve then said. Blackwall’s face seemed to turn downcast. His eyes held a hurt that flashed for a moment before it was gone.

“I suppose they could be,” he muttered with a small nod. His gaze remained on the flames. He looked like he was lost in his own thoughts, more so than usual. The silence was only filled by the faint crackles of the flames.

“So…” Maeve finally broke the silence. “how are you holding up?”

“After what we saw at Haven?” Blackwall asked. Maeve gave a small nod. The man looked away. He looked tired, frustrated and worried at the same time. 

“It’s a miracle that everyone survived…” he then said. But not everyone did. Those that were able to walk away were the ones to survive, and even then there were still those that were not strong enough to continue the journey with the living. The was a sad thought.

“But I mean,” Maeve tried to continue the conversation. “No broken bones or anything?”

“No, I escaped with very few injuries thanks to the Herald and your friend,” Blackwall replied with a faint smile. Maeve gave a nod and looked to Haruko once more. The poor woman had not moved from her place of slumber since she fell asleep.

“Good. I wouldn't want to have you all broken too,” Maeve said. She meant it as a joke but felt worse. What if a lot of the people here did end up in that avalanche? Would they have survived? Even if they did, would they have been trapped until they starved or froze to death? The thought was frightening.

“I’m sturdier than I look,” Blackwall said with a chuckle. Finally, a chuckle.

“I mean, you look pretty study,” Maeve replied.

“It’s the Grey Warden training,” he said simply. “Have you had a chance to research them yet? I know you and your friends are not from here.”

“I’ve read a little about them,” Maeve replied. “Something about a Blight and demons and a calling.”

“Grey Wardens are called in to stop a Blight when it shows up,” Blackwall explained further for her. “They protect people from unnatural monsters.”

“Right, I got that much,” Maeve informed.

“Right,” Blackwall said and then cleared his throat. “So that makes me sturdier than most warriors out here. Got to be strong enough to stop the end of the world from happening.”

“I bet you look pretty sharp doing it too,” Maeve said with a wink. Blackwall was confused. Damnit, why did everything have to be so difficult? That’s right, she was from a different world with different language, and different colloquialisms. Anything that she said could easily get confused if they meant something else here.

“I guess that depends on your meaning of sharp,” Blackwall said. At least he seemed to try to understand her.

“Like you’d look good,” Maeve explained. “You’re a good looking fella.”

Now he understood what she meant. There was a slight twinkle that appeared in his eyes.

“Ha! You flatter me. Perhaps too much,” Blackwall said lightly. However, there was a smile on his face under all of that beard.

“No?” Maeve replied with a confused look. “I don’t understand how?”

“You’re telling someone you barely know that they would look _sharp_ fighting off the end of the world, and that isn’t flattery?” Blackwall asked. He did have a good point but it wasn't the point she was trying to make. He was definitely good looking no matter what and he needed to be told that. People deserved to hear that they looked pretty no matter who they were. 

“I just tell it as it is,” she said frankly. “Not enough people get to hear about their good points…Unless it’s Dorian.”

Dorian was fabulous and the man made the world know about it. Even in serious talks with Haruko about attractive people around revealed that Dorian was on the high end of the attractive level…but how much of that was joking around and how much of that was actual truth?

“Dorian likes to hear about himself too much,” Blackwall said with a sigh. Clearly that upset him.

“Which is why sometimes I just have to tell other people things,” Maeve said with a laugh that was louder than she wanted it to be. Haruko stirred a little and rolled her head to one side as she slightly shifted under her blanket. Maeve covered her mouth and looked to her friend.

“Sorry,” she whispered in apology. 

“I think everyone knows how great Dorian is, if not by his own doing,” Blackwall said dryly. The man wasn't entirely wrong on that account. Dorian loved to talk about himself entirely too much.

“No! I meant, like, I need to talk about other people and how great other people that aren’t Dorian are!” Maeve explained herself, looking a little frustrated. How was it that people misunderstood her words so easily and Haruko’s words could come out just fine?

“And here I thought you wouldn't get so easily flustered,” Blackwall commented. Oh the man knows how to tease does he? Well he was just misinterpreting her current frustration.

“I’m not flustered!” Maeve corrected. She crossed her arms dramatically and in a huff. “You just don’t understand me.”

“Perhaps it is just your speech that I don't understand,” the man said. “You two have a different way of interpreting and explaining things.”

That didn't explain Haruko’s apparent ease at speaking with these people. Then again Haruko enjoyed the English language and leaned towards an older way of speaking things. This place they were stuck in seemed to fit her natural flow of English though it was called the Common Tongue here. 

“Just hang out with me more,” Maeve said as the solution to the problem. “You’ll pick it up in no time.”

Now there was an idea. Why didn't she think of that before? It would be the perfect cover to get to know this rather handsome and infuriating man.

“Maybe when we all have found a safe place first?” Blackwall suggested. The man did have his priorities. It wasn't entirely a bad suggestion. Maeve’s goal to get to know Blackwall more would do better if they were in a place of refuge rather than rough it out here in the wilds day in and day out.

“I could always use a bodyguard on this hike,” Maeve suggested. If there was one thing that she was proud of it would be the ability to think on her feet. 

“Or maybe you can just carry me,” she added.

“You need a bodyguard? In this wilderness?” Blackwall asked incredulously. Maeve was not exactly helpless out here. She was skilled with a bow and could shoot down any enemy that came within view of them. Blackwall would have gladly trusted Maeve to guard his back in any fight that’s how impressed he was with her skills.

“You can still carry me there,” Maeve corrected. She then got up and sat closer to him. This would allow them to speak softer and not disturb though that were asleep already. Plus, Maeve was in the mood for some physical contact but nothing more.

“I’m so tired of walking,” she added softly.

“You can do it. Everyone else must bear this burden,” Blackwall encouraged.

“I know they are. But I happen to be a little shorter than most and your knee deep snow is my waist deep snow,” Maeve complained. With each whine she gave a playful poke to his arm.

“The dwarves have managed thus far,” Blackwall said with a chuckle. Her poking was only slightly annoying, and he attempted to swat Maeve’s fingers away. She just captured them with skilled hands. Blackwall looked down at her and she gave a wide grin. She was toying with him, teasing him. And she enjoyed it. He tried to tug his hand free without hurting her or making a sound but her grip was just as firm as it usually was when she held her bow on the battlefield.

“Or maybe I just want a tall and handsome man to carry me away,” she said blatantly. There was a slight sleepiness to her tone of voice and that set Blackwall on edge. But on the edge of what exactly? He seemed to tense up quickly as she leaned closer to him.

“Uh…” Blackwall said out of reaction. What was he supposed to say in this situation. No woman had readily done this to him before. Maybe he had been out of touch with humanity for too long.

“Hm?” Maeve responded. She didn't even seem to pay attention to him. He watched as she slowed laced her fingers with his and that’s where he was getting the most uncomfortable.

“Can I have my hand back?” he asked with the best possible calm voice he could muster.

“Huh?” Maeve asked. It was apparent she wasn't paying him any mind. He looked to his face and then back down to his hand, which was laced into hers. 

“Uh, no,” she said. “It’s mine now.”

“But I need that for sword fighting,” Blackwall pointed out. Just play this one out. If he could get her to relax enough, he could get his hand back without having to use much force. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her…and to not wake up Haruko, who would no doubt come to Maeve’s rescue before she found out the root of the matter.

“In the middle of the night in a big camp like this?” Maeve asked with a slight tilt of her head. She was playing with him, teasing him ruthlessly.

“This is mine and I’m keeping it for the rest of the night…You can have it back if you agree to carry me,” she teased him. There was a slight swing of his hand and he tried to make his face looked pleading.

“You know I’m not going to agree to carry you, and I could easily just take my hand back,” Blackwall then tried. If a blatant playful nature was not going to get his hand back, then maybe a minor thought of a threat.

“I was giving you a chance to return it,” he added.

Maeve clamped down on his hand with a firm grip and even added her other hand on his wrist to keep him from struggling. Why was it anything that he said a motivator to do the opposite? Was this his fate? Or was it merely Maeve’s nature to be so playfully defiant.

“No.”

It seemed that he would wait in silence for her to relax her grip enough. He turned his attention to the fire. Mere minutes passed by, and Blackwall could feel the burn of her intense gaze. He breathed once, then twice, and then tried to take his hand back. This only pulled Maeve closer to him, and drew a soft, yet intense, giggle from her. If it wasn't awkward before it definitely was now.

“You look so cute when you try,” Maeve teased in a whisper. She then pulled herself up straight and practically leaned against him. Blackwall looked a bit more annoyed than anything else. This was not what he intended. Insufferable woman.

“I’m still not going to carry you,” he said. If this was his fate tonight, he could at least refuse something that simple. It only seemed to make her giggled at him.

“I’ll get you to carry me one of these days,” she said sleepily. Blackwall felt the small press of her head against his shoulder. He gave a small sigh and remained silent. It would be cruel to move her by force, especially over something this simple. He made no more effort to move her until she was completely asleep. When he could hear the soft even breath, he then gently took his hand back and put her in her bed roll.

“You are a fool to chase after me,” he said softly for only the wind to hear him.

~

The next few days were long indeed. The people of Haven had travelled far from their starting point back in Fereldan. The snow had given them reason to pause and continue their trek slowly, but it did not detour them from their end goal. There was a fortress somewhere nearby, and that was enough to give hope in an otherwise hopeless situation. Haruko enjoyed the illusion of helping out, even in her wounded state. Yakul seemed to be a little more irritated than before. Perhaps he was not so happy about the extra weight.

“Do you think you are pushing your friend a little too hard?” Maeve asked Haruko. Haruko looked down and gave a sigh.

“I think he’s just as irritated with all this snow as everyone else,” Haruko replied honestly.

“I think you’re right,” Maeve nodded as she watched Masamune struggle through the snow. Poor wolf had it worse than even the dwarves. He bounded through the snow in leaps and jumps instead of just high steps. What a time to have to move homes.

“Your poor wolf will be a pro at jumping though,” Maeve said with a laugh. Haruko gave a chuckle. 

“He’ll be as muscly as a pit bull, but only cuter,” Haruko replied. Masamune turned around and pricked his ears at them. He then gave a playful bark and bounded his way back. The little wolf danced around Yakul and Maeve demanding someone play with him.

“If I didn't know any better, I think he wants to play,” Blackwall said. He’d been talked into walking with Maeve and the rest of them for today. 

“He always wants to play, don’t you boy?” Maeve asked. The little wolf could easily put his paws on her chest and lick her face to death. He did so with enthusiasm and nearly knocked her down in the snow.

“Masamune,” Haruko said. Her tone of voice was scolding. The little wolf hopped down and then bounded off into the wilderness to chase after some rabbits. Well, as well as he could in all of this snow. 

“Look!” someone shouted a head of them. Maeve, Blackwall, and Haruko exchanged looks before they hurried their way forward. All they could see was a huge mountain…and more snow. Haruko did her best through the snow and the heavy cargo that Yakul was carrying. Blackwall and Maeve ran forward and around a huge cliff. 

“Maker’s breath,” Blackwall breathed. 

“Oh my God,” Maeve added. Haruko was slowly behind them but as she came over the crest of the hill she saw a huge fortress in the distance. The beauty of it made her jaw drop and her voice speechless. 

This was Skyhold.


	17. Jokes Become Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally. A place with proper walls to protect them along with a few mountains too. Skyhold was a place where the Inquisition could grow, could protect people and shelter them from the chaos that Thedas had been thrown into. It was a place were other emotion to blossom...if they were recognized.

It had been a few short months of rebuilding and repairing. Skyhold was a ruin, there was no sugar coating that. It had been a long time since this old fortress had seen any sort of care and Mother Nature was not the kindest mistress. In those short months, Haruko had healed quite well. Her arm and leg were doing better than ever, and it was thanks to a combination of magic, potions, and rest. To help build her strength up, Haruko took to physical repairs around Skyhold. She would be a part of the lift teams to build scaffolding or repair old bridge ways that had since crumbled under the weight of time.

“One. Two. Three…PULL!!!” Haruko shouted. The team of people yanked on a rope and slowly lifted stone into the air so that it might be a part of the new bridge. Despite the cold weather being in the mountains, the hard work often left her over heated and often times in short sleeves. The rest of her team was definitely dressed for the weather and frequently would ask if she were cold. Problem with being a natural space heater. It only annoyed her the first month of being able to walk around. Now she just ignored the worried looks and went about her business. Haruko took up a bit of rope and wound it skillfully from her hand to her elbow so that it might make a bundle. 

“…Man I’ve gotten beefy,” she muttered. The muscles in her arms were well defined after the year or so of working with a sword and shield. It was still a surprise to see her change from this normal human being into a warrior out of fiction. Guess playing knight would have that effect. What was next on the list? Haruko took up a piece of paper with a list of materials and where they go to.

“Carry wood…shouldn't be too hard, right?” Haruko asked Masamune. The wolf had grown into his full size. He lay at her feet lazily but lifted his head when he heard her talk to him. Haruko walked to the wood pile and took up a huge stack into her arms. Masamune followed right behind her as they delivered it to the stables. They needed to make repairs on the stable doors and gates for the pasture area.

“How’s this?” Haruko asked as she approached.

“Perfect, just leave it there and we’ll get it,” the carpenter said with a nod. The man went back to his schematics as Haruko carefully lay the lumber down for him. Why did hard work have to be so hot? There was sweat that was dripping from her brow and no matter how many times she wiped it away from her forehead, more would just replace it. Best to cool down with some water.

“Come on boy, let’s get a drink,” Haruko said to Masamune. The wolf walked beside her as they went to one of the wells to get a drink of water. It was easy to get a bucket from the depths of the well and just as easy to lift it onto the side of the well. Haruko took a small drinking cup from the side and took a health drink of cool water.

“You’re going to catch your death from a cold,” the commander’s voice came from behind her. Haruko nearly jumped and she turned to look at an amused commander.

“I’m a space heater here,” Haruko said with a joke. “Uh, it’s like a mini fireplace that you can carry…never mind.”

“One of the things from your world?” Cullen asked curiously. Well, yes it was. But trying to explain what kerosene was without explaining how gas could be used as a burning fuel was next to impossible. There were not parallels in this world, not that she had discovered any.

“Yeah, it’s something to help warm rooms when they are too cold,” Haruko explained simply. Best to keep it simple. They’d be here all day otherwise, not that she minded too much. A small breeze graced the small courtyard and it felt good. Haruko gave a small sigh and a lazy smile.

“That wind feels good,” she murmured. 

“You don’t get like this when you’re on the field of battle,” the Commander commented. It was amusing to see her demeanor in and out of armour. On the field, it was reported that she was serious and attentive to everything out there. She wanted to know where her enemy was, who best to employ were. If he didn't know any better, he would say that Haruko was trying her hand at strategy in battle. She was a captain after all. However, outside of the armour, Haruko was the biggest jokester you’d meet. She loved to play around, and make people laugh at any moment she could. Yes, she was dedicated to the tasks that were assigned to her here, but that did not stop her from playing around. Who’s to say she did not do so out in the field, he had not personally seen this.

“Well, the battlefield is hardly a place to be picky,” Haruko said with a little chuckle. “I doubt my shoulder would appreciate an arrow or my stomach the feeling of steel running through it if I was too concerned about over heating in my armour in the midst of battle.”

“A fair point,” the Commander said with a light chuckle. Her jokes were infectious. It was good to have someone that would naturally improve moral with a little laughter even if it was at her own expense. Masamune took this opportunity to lay beside Haruko’s feet. The sun was high enough to stop casting shadows and felt good on his fur. Haruko herself seemed to think about something intently.

“Uh…I never really got to thank you properly,” she finally said. She looked nervous.

“Had you not come to get me…to find me…” Haruko tried to finish. But that was in the past and it had already happened. There was no use in being scared of what might have been if it never happened. Still the thought that she might have died if they abandoned her to her fate and pushed on for the sake of others…it wasn't exactly a comforting thought.

“It wasn't just me that rescued you,” the Commander said humbly. “You friends, Yakul and Masamune were more determined to find you than anyone in camp.”

“Were they now?” Haruko said. She was impressed that he was so humble enough as to pass on the glory to mere animals. It made her happy to know that he would take some of it, just a small bit of it. Haruko looked down at Masamune as she spoke and the wolf only looked up at her from his paws. His tail wagged wildly to show his happiness.

“Who’s a good boy? Huh?” Haruko asked. The wolf got up on his feet quickly and did not waste time with gentleness. His paws landed on her shoulders roughly and he licked her face affectionately. Haruko laughed and rubbed his ribs.

“Alright, alright, down, down boy,” Haruko said after a time. Masamune hopped down but remained standing at her feet. He looked up to her in anticipation of more affection but Haruko only giggled as she wiped her face free of wolf slobber. The Commander gave a chuckle or two. That put a bigger smile on Haruko’s face than she intended.

“You sure love your animals,” he commented in his chuckles.

“Well I did have two dogs in my home before coming here,” Haruko confided. “And I used to ride horses when I was younger. I just have a thing for pets and animals in general.”

“I should say so,” the Commander said with a nod. “You managed to get a Red Hart _and_ a wolf to be at your side.”

“And You think that’s strange?” Haruko asked. It was not strange to have company of animals. She did say she had pets before she came here, but she had pets throughout her life. It was sort of a thing of normality for her. 

“Well, no normal person would be able to have such company,” he added. Maybe it was a little strange to have a Red Hart, a very rare creature in the animal world, _and_ a wolf, a very wild and ferocious creature, as company. Haruko gave a small sheepish grin.

“Perhaps I am no normal person,” she joked with a laugh.

“No I don’t think so,” the Commander agreed. But his smile remained on his face for just a while longer. Haruko’s as well. Both of them seemed to enjoy such silly banter far too much.

~

“Ugh, will you look at those two?!” Maeve exclaimed in mocked disgust. “They are practically all over each other with the looks!”

“I see what you mean,” Dorian said with a grin. “They might as well be married. And you’re sure they haven’t a clue about all of this?”

Both of them stood at a window that over looked the courtyard. No they did not have super hearing needed to listen in on their conversation but the looks were enough. They were fawning over one another in the manner of obvious couples. The thing was, they weren’t a couple.

“None!” Maeve said. She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. “I tease Haruko constantly about it, but she happily denies it every time. I think she’s just in denial about it.”

“This is almost textbook,” Dorian said with a laugh. “But what is the most intriguing is neither one seems to be taking the initiative.”

Dorian was always one for a little social drama. With his new friends he had made through the Inquisition, it was hardly a dull moment. The current one being the rumors of their esteemed Commander and the leader of the Wolf Warriors were in love with one another. Sadly, they had no idea of these rumors, nor did they have any idea of the affection they showed one another.

“He even went looking for her after Haven was buried,” Maeve said. He looked so determined about it too. Then there was the apparent worry and concern for her well-being when she had returned. Maeve would never forget that worried look on his face when Maeve first attempted to help.

“And never let her out of his sight for a moment during our entire journey here,” Dorian added. “Will wonders never cease, how are these two not married yet?”

“Practically all of Skyhold knows about them!” Maeve half shouted. “It’s cute, but this dancing around has to stop at some point and a confession needs to happen.”

“Are you suggesting that we get involved? How dastardly,” Dorian said with a sly grin. It would do them well if someone else got in there and pushed them to see their obvious affection for one another. They would not see it otherwise, not if they did not see it now.

“Well…I didn't suggest it yet,” Maeve said with the same grin.

“I think I can work on your friend,” Dorian said softly with a wink. It would be better if he talked with Haruko instead of Maeve. Haruko would only see it as teasing from Maeve, but if someone else came along and gently suggested the idea? Haruko would at least listen to his words, till she assumed that he was teasing her.

“And I’ll get the Commander to figure out his burning love,” Maeve said with a smile. This would be the grandest of adventures, and far more entertaining than walking through knee or hip deep snow.

~

Haruko had a chance to get back to her normal duties as captain. She was still trying to regain her strength but that did not mean she could not over see some of the training taken place. Particularly the group of soldiers that had happily nicknamed themselves the Wolf Warriors. Haruko sighed every time a soldier proudly called themselves by that name. It was not her idea but the idea of the soldiers who were assigned under her command. They were no mercenary group, just the platoon that was led under Haruko’s minor command. 

“It’s a sword use it!” Haruko shouted loudly. Many of the newer recruits would syphon through her. She would teach them the basics before they were reassigned to other places. 

“Ser!” The soldier replied. She looked shaky, barely able to hold the sword the right way. Sometimes Haruko wished she could turn people away. The path to peace should not be carved in violence.

“Just because we finally found a stronghold, doesn't mean you can slack off!” Haruko reminded severely. That was the worst of her scolding. Under her, soldiers learned to defend themselves, not to kill. Whatever happened after her initial start, was up to the soldier.

“Hard at work I see,” an amused voice came from her side. It was Dorian. Why he decided to come down from his never ending task of organizing their new library was beyond her. But it was good to see a friend. Haruko turned and gave a small smile before motioning him to walk with her.

“I see you’re not,” Haruko teased back. Masamune fell in step with Haruko. Dorian was all too happy to follow beside Haruko as she watched her men continue to train.

“Even someone as great as I needs a break,” Dorian said with a light bit of sarcasm. Haruko gave a small smile.

“If you were that great, you would have had that library organized and cleaned by the time we had that scaffolding set up,” she teased back with a light smile. Regardless if she had healed enough to move around, her body ached with the unfamiliarity of her workload. Both her arm and leg were sore from it all. Unconsciously she rubbed her healed arm and favored her good leg.

“And it looks like you might need one as well,” Dorian said as he gestured to some of the make shift benches. Haruko followed him, as did Masamune and sat down. Masamune lay beside her, his head lay on her feet.

“So what brings you from your roost of paper?” Haruko finally asked. Dorian offered her a smile in return.

“You always assume that I am with some scheme in mind,” he said with the playful mock of being hurt.

“Well, you are the Tevinter Magister as you so often point out,” Haruko then said. Dorian gave a laugh. Not everyone would readily talk to him because of that stigmatization. Haruko and Maeve seemed to be the only ones that did not sneer or glower at him as he passed by.

“A fair point,” Dorian replied with his laugh.

“I am always fair,” Haruko said as she leaned back against some boards that were behind them. Probably not the best thing to do but she was tired.

“Fair skinned perhaps,” Dorian replied. In a world where sunscreen was not possible, she was often beet red by the end of the day. But if she had time to heal, she’d tan nice. But the process was the same. Burn, then tan occasionally. In Haruko’s opinion it was not worth it.

“Perhaps against you, I happen to adore by freckled face to bits,” Haruko said in defiance. Ask her that ten years ago and she would have said no.

“And I happen to love your freckled face to bits as well,” Dorian said affectionately. Well, that’s what Haruko thought. It was really hard to tell when Dorian was teasing and when he was being serious at times.

“Aw, thanks Dorian,” Haruko said and went with the thought that he was teasing as he usually did. “I’d have liked a few more dates before a confession though, I am a hopeless romantic.”

Dorian gave another chuckle, but not at her joke. Yes, she was definitely a hopeless romantic with the puppy eyes with their dear Commander. Truly this woman had no idea.

“Why don’t you indulge me and tell me of your dream date then,” Dorian suggested. And there was the look. The suspicious look and yet a note of curiosity. Dorian loved to figure out what might have been going through her head. What sort of hole would he lead her in to today and laugh at her stumblings, or perhaps he was genuinely curious but that couldn't possibly be it when he never did things unless it met his own needs…most times.

“And what brought this on?” Haruko decided to go with the cautious voice in her head. Dorian was only slightly disappointed but then again this would be less fun if there was not an element of challenge.

“Curiousity, the slight fact that I was not good enough to skip past the simple steps of courting and went straight to the confessions?” Dorian asked with a question in his tone. A slow smile appeared on Haruko’s face and that is when Dorian knew he had snagged her. 

“I don’t know Dorian, you are pretty handsome, I’ll give you that…just…not my type,” she said. Masamune shifted so that he was laying on his side and napping in the afternoon sun. That wolf acted too much like a cat sometimes.

“And your type is?” Dorian pressed. Haruko crossed her arms as she gave a dismissive chuckle.

“Honestly, I’ve been told my “type” is varied. I like men with well-kept hair, usually long but it’s not limited to that. Great eyes, but not nearly a specific color. Blues and greens are my favorite colors but not all people have those,” Haruko decided to indulge the Tevinter Mage. “Oh I didn’t mention hair color, did I? Well, red heads…Bull would understand it but I like the vivid reds. Well-toned body? Not necessarily in shape, but not fat…okay that was harsh but I mean, he can do his work and such kinda thing.”

“There is no judgment here, Haruko,” Dorian reminded to stop Haruko from falling down on the path of apologies. “I asked for _your_ type, you shouldn't be ashamed to like something or not like something.”

Haruko gave a huge sigh. It was weird talking about this. Most of her life had been dedicated to protecting the life of another, and that was before she ever set foot in Thedas. Speaking about this made it feel weird. Romance wasn't her strong suit, and it damn near terrified her. However, she would welcome the chance if it fell on her path…but that was an unlikely probability.

“Well…Aside from that, I suppose the physical qualities don't help you out much do they? Hmm…even the personalities someone vary…” Haruko muttered to herself. Dorian was pleased that she was actually taking this seriously. Most of his predictions thought that she would not make it this far. Well, not so quickly anyway. 

“A caring personality,” Haruko then said with a slight nod.

“And that’s it? That’s rather vague,” Dorian then said. Haruko scowled at him for a second.

“Yes, I know it’s vague, but who honestly has the same personality as another?” Haruko asked. Dorian was the one that gave a little sigh. Haruko took it as a sign that he might think about it, while Dorian actually was more disappointed in his friend. She was supposed to describe the Commander of all things.

“In all honesty, everyone has their own opinion of beauty in this world. I love the rough and toughness of the wilderness, and find joy in nature. Where as you like your taverns and city streets,” she said to him. Maybe that would get him off this uncomfortable subject.

“Fortunately that does not have to do with the current conversation,” Dorian said as he obviously caught her in her attempt to change the subject. “As I understand it, Maeve has expressed that way of thinking is not so common in your country.”

Haruko snorted. Nothing about her country made much sense in the grand scheme of things. Mostly it was the selfish attitudes and the unwillingness to be nice to others that pissed her off the most. Sadly, when it came to this subject, it was mostly aimed to get sex. Unfortunately, Haruko believed that was a nice bonus when you found someone willing to give your heart to.

“Yeah well,” Haruko started to say. “Not everyone happens to feel the same way.”

“I can understand that,” Dorian said with a nod. Haruko nodded with him but only just. 

“Look, I’m more of a traditionalist when it comes to my country and their social norms at the time,” she said with a little bite in her words. “I would rather get to know someone before I make any commitments…especially physical ones.”

That was fair. Dorian couldn't fault anyone in their own pursuit of life. Well he could, but not Haruko’s. The woman often put people in front of herself, which was probably why this topic was so tough to talk about.

“Anyone in your world in particular catch your eye?” Dorian asked. Now that was genuine curiosity. Haruko was waiting for a motive to reveal itself but the genuine sincerity of his words threw her off a little bit.

“Romance is not something I excelled at, nor did I ever put time into understanding,” Haruko admitted. Between having to protect her siblings from her abusive mother to finishing school and then escaping that abusive cycle, to going out on her own and finishing college, Haruko’s life was not exactly lax. There was always something more important than her own happiness, something that replaced the desire to find someone to spend the rest of her life with.

“To answer your question, no there was no one back there that I have affections for,” she said softly. Dorian could feel the sadness that came off of her and half regretted asking her that question.

“Then what about here?” Dorian asked. Maybe steer away from the past and move to the present? Haruko seemed willing to answer his questions so far and his goal was too hidden now for her to see it.

“I’m too busy for romance,” she evaded the question. “I’m captain, barely out of the healing ward, and helping with the repairs to Skyhold.”

“Could have sworn you were connected to Maeve’s hip,” The mage joked. Haruko was taken aback quickly and she laughed a little bit.

“Unfortunately that is a joke between us,” Haruko said. There was no need to get the wrong idea. Judging by the teasing look on Dorian’s face, he seemed to understand that as well.

“Then what of the commander?” Dorian asked. Haruko gawked at him as though he had said something crass. Why in the world would he ask that right out of the blue?

“I see you talk to him a lot,” he then said. Okay, that’s a fair point but they worked together. How could they not talk to one another?

“He’s my boss!” Haruko snapped at him in play. Dorian looked at her and she gave a heavy sigh. “Fine…my thoughts on him? He cares about his soldiers and about the success about the Inquisition. Outside of work, which is rare I might add, he’s a normal guy that has worries…most of them apply to work but he cares...”

“Sounds like you like the commander a little more than just as a friend,” Dorian then suggested. Haruko froze in her tracks. She knew exactly what she walked into and Dorian’s wide smile only confirmed her suspicions. But it was too late. She had willingly walked into the trap that Dorian had set.

“What?! No! Ugh did Maeve put you up to this?” Haruko snapped in frustration. Why was everyone saying that the Commander and her had a thing? Or assumed that they had a thing? There was no thing! 

“No no, it’s just me this time,” Dorian said with his usual grin. That didn't help. She couldn't trust anything that came out of this man’s mouth, not now!  
“Ha! Whatever,” Haruko snapped and looked away from Dorian. Why was she still sitting here? It was when she started to get up that Dorian threw this question at her.

“Have you stopped to think about it though?” 

Haruko had already stood up and she stopped at his words. No, she had not stopped to think about it because that was not her intended reason to speak with the man. Why would she think about it? She had no goal in mind for romancing to Commander. Even if she did, it would look like she was trying to move up in the ranks through sly affections and such…but that had not stopped her from talking to the man based on the fact that she did not believe so much in titles. Great now she was thinking about it. Masamune walked to her front and glanced at Dorian before he glanced at Haruko.

“How much time you two spend together? Enjoying each other’s company?” Dorian dared to press. Haruko slowly turned to look at the mage.

“No…what are you on about?” Haruko asked with the most confused and frustrated look on her face. 

“Maybe you should think on it, a little more than just the usual,” Dorian suggested. Haruko was silent as he stood up and half brushed off his clothes. 

“Well…I think it should be time for me to return to my roost, as it were,” he said.

The man walked away and disappeared behind the crowd of training soldiers. This left Haruko to stand in the wake of his question. Did she enjoy her time with the Commander as much as Dorian said? Was it that obvious to others? The Commander would ask frequently about things from her world. Most of the time he would ask if there were any battle strategies for his plans but she often times would come back with an “I don’t know” or “I was never in the military before.” Usually she would come back with personal opinions on what to do but that never stopped him from seeking her council when it was difficult. Other times she utterly infuriated him with her knack for twisting orders. Now, he’d even let her get away with certain things that most others would get reprimanded for. It was not because it was wrong, because most of the time it was, it was because she would get her job done. There were, sometimes, no rules regarding her roundabout way of getting things done, and thus no formal action that needed to take place. Just a frown would make her think twice before she went ahead and did her job the way she felt was right regardless of the rules that were set forth. The Commander was smart, kind, funny…a perfect man after her own heart if she would allow. She looked to the sky and gave a soft sigh.

“Maybe…” Haruko covered her face with one hand. The fear of knowing her own feelings was greater than seeking out an answer.

~

As usual, Commander Cullen was busy with reports that had piled up on his makeshift desk outside of Skyhold. The repairs to where his office would be were coming along nicely. It was perhaps another week or so before the actual bridge was complete and then maybe a few more days after when he would move in. The only irritation he had was the occasion wind that would threaten to let loose the list of things he needed to take care of.

“Isn’t it time for a break yet?” Maeve’s voice broke through his concentration. He looked up from his current task and saw that Maeve stood there with her hands behind her back. It looked as though she was trying to be innocent, but that would be farther from the actual truth.

“If there is time to rest then there is time to finish up,” he said as he returned to the task at hand. He had gotten used to handle reports as he spoke to others, namely those that would come bad bother him while he was in the middle of writing a report or giving an order.

“Everyone else is closing up shop,” Maeve pointed out with a sigh and the slight roll of her eyes. That did not mean he needed too. The sun may have slowly started to sink behind the walls of Skyhold, but he still had light yet to work. 

“There is still so much to do,” the Commander said firmly.

“And you’ll need to rest before tomorrow right?” Maeve asked, purposefully getting in his line of sight like a child. The Commander frowned a little as he glanced up at her.

“If people thought I could just stop when everyone else did, would I be the Commander of the Inquisition?” he asked. “Someone has to continue to make sure the efforts of the Inquisition are supported by the troops, the Mages are guarded carefully, and our supplies don’t run low.”

He wasn't intentionally trying to be mean, he just wanted to show now dedicated to this cause he was. There was a threat out, a huge threat, that could come down over their heads at any time. The Archdemon presented a huge problem with their fortifications currently. If they could not get the repairs done quickly and efficiently they were open to attack and specific weak points. The only good news they really had were their ramparts. They could see out for miles and would be alerted to the approach of an enemy army. But there was still much they could improve upon.

“True,” Maeve agreed thoughtfully. “But first, drinks! C’mon, I’ll buy.”

The Commander was surprised to feel a hard tug on his arm. It nearly threw him off balance with the shock and the force of the tug.

“What? Drinks?” he said as he recovered his ground. It was as simple as a resistant jerk back to free him from the clutches of Maeve. That seemed to irritate her further and she placed her hands defiantly on her hips.

“You don’t have a choice,” Maeve demanded. “That’s an order soldier!”

She gave the best glare she could since she knew that she was out ranked by the commander of the entire Inquisition army. The Commander was in complete shock. Haruko might have been defiant to a point just to be playful, but she never out right demanded something of him as Maeve did. It took a few moments of silence for him to regain his senses and his demeanor changed to a very serious one.

“If you are attempting to out rank me, I fear that you are rather confused,” he said severely.

“But I am adorable and no one can resist this face,” Maeve said. Then she tried her best pout which only served to bring out a chuckle of disbelief. Why were men so difficult? Maeve then pointed at him and looked more determined than ever.

“It’s time for a break damnit!” she snapped. Commander Cullen gave a heavy sigh. Maeve was certainly persistent; he would give her that much. Many of his close friends might have been gentler with their invitations to drinks, as well as a chance for a rest. However, would he truly have taken their offer? Haruko and Hal had to think of elaborate excuses to get him away from his work. Many of which involved direct orders from Hal or Cassandra to come to parties on the pretense of “work.” And each time he had fallen for them. In all honesty, could he readily refuse?

“Fine, I will humor you,” he finally said as he placed his papers down reluctantly on the table. He then took a paper weight and placed it on top of the papers to make sure they did not fly away in a stray breeze.

“That’s all I wanted!” Maeve said in triumph, a grin plastered on her face. They both walked to the makeshift tavern and Maeve bought them a couple of drinks. There was only idle conversation at first. Maeve wanted to make sure that he got out of that stiff armour shell of his before she started her interrogation. 

“Are you at least a little more relaxed now?” she asked.

“Yes, actually,” the Commander admitted. Maybe he did need a break every now and again. But it did not change the fact that there was still too much work to do. Corypheus was still alive, and as long as he presented a threat to the world and to the Inquisition, Commander Cullen needed to do his job. The thought brought about a more serious look on his face and Maeve couldn't help but roll her eyes.

“Geez, would you be this uptight if your girlfriend was around?” Maeve said in irritation. She purposefully said it when their dear Commander was in the middle of taking a drink. It resulted in the wonderful satisfaction of him choking in surprise. Maeve was aware her accusation was out there, and that too was intentional. 

“I beg your pardon?” Commander Cullen chocked out. 

“Your girlfriend. Y’know, Haruko? Would you be so uptight and pissy if Haruko were here?” Maeve repeated herself and then gave him a little more rope to hang himself with. The Commander gave a cough or two but the embarrassment was so evident. 

“She’s a comrade in arms, not my girlfriend,” he evaded horribly. He couldn't believe that Maeve would make that claim. Then again, there were rumors running around the barracks like wild fire. Maker’s breath, the soldiers could be as bad with gossip as fishwives. 

“Really? That’s certainly not what it seems like,” Maeve said with a mock of disappointment. “Not every man goes alone through the mountains to find his girl.”

The reaction she received was not the one Maeve thought she would get. The Commander looked absolutely furious, perhaps passed that. There was a possibility that she used the incorrect words and once again her intended meaning was lost.

“I went out to save her because she is an invaluable member of the Inquisition,” Commander Cullen said severely. “Not for any other motive.”

Maeve had to think quickly on this. If he was getting furious about her choice of words, then there might be more than a motive than mere “comrade in arms.” But she would still have to be careful now that she was the center of the Commander’s ire.

“I think plenty of people could have rushed out to save her. You went running out wildly for her,” Maeve commented with the raise of her eyebrow in suspicion. The Commander didn’t have a comment to say on that. In fact, she watched as he opened his mouth to say something but then it closed quickly. Maeve had him. That was satisfying. Her words and its meaning had finally broken through.

 _I’ll drink to that._ Maeve thought as she took a sip of her drink.

“Don’t tell me that there is absolutely nothing. I’m not that stupid,” Maeve said in honesty. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to gauge the Commander’s reaction. He sat there, the gears turning in his head as he tried to come up with some sort of decent excuse for his previous behavior. To him, there was nothing wrong with going out and saving someone if they needed it. In part, Haruko’s animal friends would have gone out on their own. Their actions spurned on his own. 

“What is this about really?” he asked out of frustration.

“What do you think this is about?” Maeve asked in her own frustration. She was unable to believe that this man would be so dense about the situation. It was so blaringly obvious that he was into Haruko that it hurt.

“You’re totally head over heels for her!” Maeve then exclaimed. It was too painful not to say anything.

“Maker’s breath, where did you get such a ridiculous idea?” The Commander said under his breath. Unfortunately, Maeve heard him.

“Are you shitting me?” Maeve said as she turned to face him in her seat. “Besides the obvious hours you guys have to spend together training; how much time do you guys always spend together? You guys are always taking care of each other, more than just a friendly “comrade in arms” relationship. And I’ve seen the looks you’ve given her, whether you realize you were doing it or not.”

Commander Cullen tried to keep his frustration under control. However, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to do so. Just what was Maeve getting at? Sure, he and Haruko had spent time together, but that was something comrades within an army do. He needed advice, and Haruko was someone who would be honest with him despite his rank as commander. Despite her sarcastic and joking nature, she always got her job done and had a genuine care for the people that fell under her command.

“It’s just what soldiers do. They train together, get to know each other and become close friends. Is that such a strange concept in your world?” he then asked.

“In my world, if you spend _that_ much time together and become _that_ close, you’re going to get married,” Maeve explained with a sigh. It was hard not to laugh when the Commander nearly lost his drink at the word “married.” He coughed again, and the other patrons in the tavern looked at them. Maeve ignored them as did the Commander.

“You’re being outrageous,” he said between his coughs.

“I’m not,” she defended and then shook her head. “You don’t know my world, so it wouldn't matter. Explaining it would take longer time than what we have. But just think about it. I’ve never seen her more comfortable with anyone else. Except me of course,” Maeve gave him a wink. But joking at this point would just be insulting. The Commander was not amused at all.

“Even if she has a bad day, being with you makes her so happy. I can see it. Does she make you happy?” she then asked in all seriousness. The Commander looked away from Maeve and stared intently at his own drink. Was there even time to think on such a question? Haruko understood that there was a need to get things done, to defeat this Corypheus almost on the same level as Cassandra. There had not been a time when she looked distracted with the pursuit of romance. But Maeve’s question now nagged at him at the back of his mind. Did Haruko truly make him happy? She was smart, funny, had a mind of her own, but cared about her fellow soldiers to the point of being annoying. Haruko had a knack for getting hurt, whether it be the design of the Maker or on purpose, seeing her hurt made him worry far more than any other soldier or friend he had made. When he started to realize this he looked away from Maeve.

“I do enjoy her company, yes,” Commander Cullen said as barely a whisper. The admission itself was terrifying. But in truth, he did enjoy her company. What was wrong with stating the truth?

“Do you think you could see her in your life? Even after all this is over? Just think about that. If you can see her there at all, what do you think that means?” Maeve continued softly.

“……We have barely escaped Haven. It is too early to consider such things …” Cullen said. The taste of those words left in his mouth was foul.

“Give it a short thought,” Maeve insisted. She placed a few coins on the table to pay for her drink. Her work here was done. She had sown the seeds for her friend and now all that was left to do was wait.

“Don’t wait until you lose her,” Maeve said those last few words before she walked away from the Commander. He sat there in silence, merely staring at his drink. Maeve’s words haunted him. They started to think of things that could be, things that might happen if there was not a threat to the world.

“Dear Maker….” He breathed rubbed his face with one hand. These feelings that plagued him…would he ever be rid of them? Did he truly want to be rid of them? No, he didn’t, but the thought of Haruko rejecting him scared him out of his wits. That is, if he ever asked her that question. A grown man, scared of rejection. A sigh escaped him and he paid for his drink. The Commander braved the walk outside in the night air and his gaze returned to the skies. Maker was it even possible?


	18. The Way Forward is Backward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeve did a wonderful job setting up the first steps in a romance for her friend Haruko. Yet...she finds herself also longing for her own relationship. One that was actually romantic, not just one of fun. But perhaps it is too soon for such good things to happen to her.

“How many times do I have to tell you that Dorian and I did not conspire against you,” Maeve said with a laugh. It had been a long road to hoe since Haruko was upset with both Dorian and Maeve. She wasn't stupid, she figured out who started this entire mess and refused to speak with them. The only reason she was here today was because she was done reading the books she borrowed from the library and wanted to get a new one on Orlais’ history.

“I know you did, why else would Dorian come over and mess with me?” Haruko snapped. She tried to concentrate on looking for the books she wanted to borrow but Maeve would not leave her be. Dorian happened to be out and that was the only reason Haruko came here. Sadly, this was also the same day as Dorian’s and Maeve tea time apparently.

“Ever think that Dorian is just as devious as me?” Maeve asked as she batted her eyelashes. Haruko scowled, no, glowered at her friend. Yes, Dorian was from the dreaded Tevinter, but that did not mean he was the one to come up with such a scheme.

“Yeah, and I’m the Pope,” Haruko grumbled. The woman took a step but did not watch where she placed her foot. There was a loud yowl before claws sunk into Haruko’s calf. She stepped up and cried out in pain. Everyone in the library looked in her direction as she kicked her foot to get the cat off of her.

“GOD DAMNIT!!” She shouted in pain “STUPID CAT! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!”

She swatted in the cat’s general direction but made no effort to make contact. The cat hissed loudly and then ran behind Maeve.

“Don't yell at Spock like that!” Maeve defended her cat. The poor thing must have been so scared with Haruko fuming so much. To be fair, she would rather be the focus of Haruko’s ire instead of her poor little Spock.

“Why are you defending her? I’m the one bleeding over here!” Haruko snapped angrily.

“Sounds like I’m missing all the fun,” Dorian’s voice echoed. He walked up the stairs only to nearly run into an angry Haruko.

“You people and your stupid cat! I’m done!” She shouted angrily. Her stomps echoed down the stairs and then faded away. Maeve and Dorian exchanged slight worried looks.

“She’ll get over it I’m sure,” Dorian said with a slight shrug. Maeve picked up her kitty and held her in her hands like a little baby. The cat rested there, calm and happy to be in the arms of the one who truly loved her. 

“She will, she’s just mad that she got hurt by a Spock…It won’t last that long,” Maeve said with a sigh. Nothing that they did actually helped. Currently the Commander and Haruko had attempted to avoid each other as much as possible. The word going around Skyhold was that they had a huge fight. That could not be further from the truth.

“Why don't you go take a break for now?” Dorian suggested. Maeve was only here to help out with some organization. The Inquisition got in a shipment of new books to add to their collection and they needed a place within the vast storage called shelves.

“And leave you to work your pretty butt off?” Maeve asked. “I wouldn’t miss that.”

“There will be plenty of time for that later,” Dorian said with a sky look. “I wouldn’t want my favorite assistant to work herself to exhaustion.”

“I am not working myself _that_ hard,” Maeve said. If that were the case she wouldn't be here. She’d be elsewhere, with someone…probably an elf…or a certain Qunari.

“Then go take a break, before our spymaster demands you work more,” Dorian warned. Maeve took this opportunity to go take a walk around the area and take in the progress. The bridge across to the Commander’s office was finally finished and he was moved from the entrance of Skyhold. They had yet to build the infirmary. The people who still needed treatment were situated in an alcove next to the hill that led up to Skyhold’s giant hall. From there, there were merchants were selling their wares next to the stables. Most of the things were weapons and armor, but some had little trinkets and jewelry. Maeve looked around but saw nothing much but some sold jewelry from the refugees or some spare equipment.

_Maybe when we get the repairs done we’ll have more to sell and shop_ Maeve thought. Her gaze moved to the stables. The horses were enjoying their new homes, grazing in their own pastures. Haruko’s Red Hart was easily picked out from the regular mounts. Not only were the antlers a dead giveaway but the fact that he was bright red in color and his stripes were very conspicuous. There were a few other Harts that had found their way into the Inquisition but only a few. 

“It’s strange to see you here,” a voice said. Maeve had been so lost in what she could do on her break that she did not readily pay attention to where her feet were taking her. However, she was happy to find out that they took her to her favorite, secretly, person.

“Well, Dorian wants his apprentice to take a break before I get pulled back to do more work,” Maeve replied with a smile.

“That’s a first. I was not aware that Dorian took on apprentices,” Blackwall replied as he walked to Maeve. She gave a little laugh. 

“True,” Maeve said happily. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I thought this would be a good place to set up shop. It reminds me of that little cabin I had in the Hinterlands,” he said with a nod. If he thought that little shack he had was considered a cabin, then Maeve was not sure what was considered decent housing anymore. 

“You can move away from the whole stoic warrior look, you know,” Maeve teased. Blackwall smiled at her underneath that thick beard of his.

“That’s the whole Grey Warden’s _look_ isn’t?” Blackwall joked back. “If there is no Blight, we disappear. We are a mystery of sorts.”

“I do like a good challenge,” Maeve said with a grin.

“Is that supposed to mean something? You know what, never mind” Blackwall said. He then turned and walked back to the barn. Forget about thinking this was a great place to live, he had already made a nest for himself here. The stables smelled of horse and leather. It wasn't exactly the most romantic of smells and Maeve wasn't exactly used to it. Why this place was an ideal living space was beyond her. Beyond a fire that was carefully set, there was a table with a piece of wood at its center. There were the unmistakable markings of a griffon head in the making. 

“I didn’t know you were a wood carver,” Maeve said from behind him. Blackwall jumped in surprise and it made Maeve laugh. The man didn’t seem to be caught off guard much and it was too funny to see it actually happen.

“Maker’s balls,” he swore at her laughter.

“Sorry, sorry, I thought you saw me following you,” Maeve said. It would have been rude to think that he walked away from her without properly excusing himself.

“Oh this? It’s a habit that I picked up on my travels. Helps calm the nerves when you’re out in the woods,” he said. Maeve new it was an excuse to maybe protect his male pride. It was cute regardless and amazing. Maeve couldn’t figure out how to carve something out of wood like that, nor would she dare to try. Chances are she would have stabbed herself with the knife instead.

“Calm’s the nerves? Are the woods that scary?” Maeve asked. She was the last person to ask something like that. The look Blackwall gave made her wished she hadn’t asked. Maeve was the biggest scaredy cat within the Inquisition, everything scary terrified her. Spiders, the dark, dark alleys, people shouting at her, the list was endless.

“It’s not exactly scary, it just gives you something to keep your hands busy while you wait,” he explained. Perhaps this had something to do with the fact that Grey Wardens basically sat on their arse in preparation for another Blight.

“Well there is no Blight,” Maeve said casually.

“No, but Corypheus is out there, with an Archdemon. Many signs that point to a possibility of another Blight,” Blackwall said. “But something about it feel wrong. Like you are right, that there will be no Blight, but something far worse all together.”

“Reports have said that there is no darkspawn activity so this can’t be a true Blight,” Maeve said.

“Still we have a darkspawn magister that claims he was one of the original Magisters that attempted to take over the Golden City. He commands what looks like an Archdemon. That’s enough for a Grey Warden to get involved,” Blackwall said as he went about cleaning the wood shavings around the table. He then looked back at Maeve with a look of curiousity on his face.

“Does your world have something like the Blight?” he asked. Now that was a fair question. There wasn't exactly something like the Blight in her world. Come to think of it there was no magic at all to cause as many problems as Thedas had. However, there were far less guns and bombs here.

“Well…” she trailed off. “No…our world does not have any magic so there is nothing like the Blight there. We still have sickness and nasty germs to tear us apart though.”

“I see…it must be a better world,” he said.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Maeve said. There were still problems with her world that needed to be sorted out. Basic human rights were one, and Thedas shared plenty of that problem. 

“What about your family,” he started out carefully. “I know you left them when you were forced to come here.”

“It was…complicated,” Maeve said with a sigh and a strange face. It wasn't an incorrect statement. Family was always a touchy subject for her, and she was never sure what exactly was going to happen next. It was harder for her to explain it to other people since they might not truly understand her feelings on the situations that had transpired during that time. That, and now that she had been forced to leave them all behind to live here in this fictitious world, she had not thought about them too much.

“My apologize, I shouldn't have asked,” Blackwall said sadly. Maybe he would understand a little more than she gave him credit for. 

“I don’t really mind it, I guess,” Maeve said with a shrug. “There’s a lot so you’d have to be a little more specific.”

“But if you would rather not speak about it, I will not pry further than this,” Blackwall said politely. It seemed he understood the need to not pry into one’s past. That was sweet of him. So then it meant that it was up to her to figure out what to talk about. Best to keep it simple for now.

“I have a lot of siblings,” she started out. “Three brothers and three sisters. I’m the oldest”

She started to dive further into the past, looking like she was reminiscing of fonder times. Maybe she did miss her family far more than what she led herself to believe. 

“They were the silliest kids I ever knew, and they were always getting into some kind of trouble,” Maeve said fondly. “But they were mine.”

“I’m sorry that you were force to be away from them,” Blackwall said, being completely sincere. It was not fair to Maeve to have to be forcibly taken from her life in her world and be thrown into this more chaotic one. Granted he was unaware of how good or bad her world was, but it had to be better than fighting a war against the end of the world.

“Well, I was kind of forced away from them before this,” Maeve mentioned sadly. Frustration filled her face at the thought of those memories. Her fists bunched up and she looked away in anger.

“I moved out of my home shortly before we got here. My mom was a pretty shitty mom,” she nearly spat. Silence filled the stables. Blackwall was unable to figure out how to break that silence when the topic was so very sensitive and heavy. Maeve seemed to completely hate her mother, and there was nothing he could say that would change that. Perhaps it was too sensitive a subject to speak about.

“I’m so sorry,” Blackwall finally said. He was unable to think of anything else to say in this situation.

“Eh,” Maeve said as she waved her anger it off. “It wasn't your fault. Like I said it’s complicated.”

Maeve then walked around and came up to the table. She wanted to see the start of the griffon carving up close. There was also the desire to be closer to Blackwall as far as physical presence was concerned. 

“What about you?” Maeve asked. “Do you have any family around? A wife that you left or something?”

“I have never been married,” he admitted. “That kind of life is hard for a Grey Warden, especially during the times of the Blights…”

“Not a commitment kind of guy?” Maeve commented with a nod of understanding. Going into a commitment took her out of her comfort zone. But the Grey Wardens were quite a group of committed people.

“My commitments happened to go with saving the world from the potential threat of darkspawn. As a Warden, you give up everything for the cause to keep the world safe from darkspawn. For everyone, that means leaving the life you had before behind. I did have a sister, however,” he said sadly. Maeve was surprised but also understanding. Her own Pop had passed away and when that happened Maeve was devastated for the longest time. Death of someone close to you was never easy…it might have been hard for Blackwall if he desired some sort of connect with his sister.

“Oh…” Maeve replied softly. “Were you two close?”

“This might sound horrible of me, but it is hard for me to remember,” Blackwall admitted. That was a bigger surprise. Did he leave home when he was young? Or did his sister die while he was young? There were so many questions.

“How long have you been a Warden then?”

“I believe it’s been twenty-five years,” Blackwall mused sadly. He looked nearly thoughtful when he was posed that question. Must have been a long time of killing darkspawn and being on his own then.

“Wait,” Maeve stopped him. “Don't tell me you’re like sixty.”

Blackwall turned to see that she had a playful grin on her face. Sweet Andraste she didn't have to look entirely devious with that look. He wasn't that old.

“What if I was?” Blackwall teased back. Why not play along with her? The face she made was priceless. 

“I don’t…” Maeve looked stunned since she was actually considering it. “I mean... you’re looking good for sixty then.”

“I’m not that old,” Blackwall finally said with some bite in his voice. Maeve couldn't help but giggle at his mild anger. 

“It’s the beard isn’t it?” he then asked. Maeve couldn't control her giggles at that point.

“Yes,” Maeve said in all mocked seriousness. “Really though, you don't look a day over forty-five.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or insulted,” Blackwall then said. Though it was hard to remain irritated when someone was laughing at something as simple as this. 

“Seriously, seriously though,” she continued. “Good looking guy like you, hard to believe you don’t have all the ladies flocking at your feet.”

Maeve was trying really hard to make Blackwall feel better about himself. Blackwall looked as though he did not believe her statement. 

“I don’t think I could compete, not with Dorian or the Commander being here,” Blackwall pointed out. “I hear the ladies constantly flock to our Commander if they would have the chance…maybe if they had a chance. The only thing stopping ladies from flocking to Dorian is his title and heritage.”

“Someone’s got to start the trend for you then,” Maeve said with a wink. Blackwall was not sure he wanted that sort of attention to be completely honest. He quite liked his space to be quiet as a stable could possibly be. Plus, this place was not exactly the most romantic setting.

“I don’t think I necessarily that,” Blackwall said seriously. 

“Like a fanatic? A following? I’ll worship the ground you walk on,” Maeve continued. Why must she always be so dramatic? Sure, it was charming when it could be but right now it just felt weird.

“I don’t think I need those either,” Blackwall politely turned those down. They hunted down fanatics and followings that threatened to end this world just by tearing open the sky. 

“What if I want to? What if you’ve really just made me fall in love with you and now there’s no other choice?” Maeve asked. She might have been dramatic but it wasn't completely a lie. She did have an attraction to Blackwall and a desire to get to know him better. But, maybe this was not exactly the best way to do it. Sure was fun though.

“Oh have you now?” Blackwall continued to play along. “Let me guess, was it my dashing good looks, even for…what did you guess? Sixty?”

“I think it might have been the beard,” Maeve said playfully. He really didn't like that guess she had. It was hard to tell his real age when he wouldn’t out right tell her, and when his face was covered in hair.

“I can’t win. First it makes me old and then you fall for me...or rather my beard,” Blackwall said with a shake of his head. How did he end up in these situations?

“All I want is the beard. I just want to touch it,” Maeve teased. To keep her act going, she reached out a careful hand. However, Blackwall looked down at her with a challenging look.

“Careful, Maeve, I went through a lot of trouble to get this beard,” he said. Maeve snickered.

“To get this beard? You’d have to grow it,” Maeve said.

“Nope, I stole all the beards from the Grey Wardens and formed them into one, just go ask Sera if you don’t believe me,” he said. Maeve was surprised to hear such a joke come from him that she was rendered speechless for a moment. She then laughed more. She couldn't help it.

“I’m not just going to take it,” Maeve said through her giggles. “I want to keep it right where it is.”

Maeve then took a chance to pat his beard. Just like most beards it was course but that sensation was short lived when there was a hand that gripped around her wrist.

“Forgive me, my lady, but I am not exactly a pet,” he then said. “Don’t you have a cat that you could pet?”

“No, I left her with Dorian,” she said calmly. This was the one time she was thankful that Commander Cullen had ever done something slightly mean to her. Otherwise, she might have been slightly scared by his grip on her wrist. It wasn't exactly as firm as Cullen’s grips was. A gentle and yet firm grasp of her wrist so that she would not be able to move but not be hurt by the restraint.

“Then why this?” Blackwall asked softly as he held her hand.

“I just wanted you to hold my hand again,” she said with a sheepish grin. Blackwall dropped her hand as though he had touched something hot. The surprised look on his face was priceless as was the slight blush that could have been seen under all of that hair. But she also felt disappointment that he would so quickly shy away from her touch.

“Oh, too far?” Maeve asked with a small sad look.

“Sweet Andraste, Maeve, you don’t have someone else to do this with?” Blackwall asked out of defense. There was Sera and there was the Iron Bull, both of whom were sleeping with Maeve. So why did she want to try these advances on him when he clearly was not her type? It made no sense to him. But the look on her face was damn near heartbreaking.

“Umm…I didn’t mean to offend you,” Maeve said meekly. They stood there and looked at each other. Maeve looked upset, near the side of sad while Blackwall looked conflicted. What was the right thing to do in this situation? Maeve thought that she might have took things a little too far with Blackwall while Blackwall could not understand why she wanted to do this with him. Both knew not the others’ mind.

“I should probably go…Dorian could probably us a poor joke by now…” Maeve said softly.

“That might be a good idea,” Blackwall said. His voice sounded strained as though he was making himself say those words. Maeve looked up to him and searched his face for something, anything that would give a hint as to what was going on in that man’s mind. However, there was nothing that she could readily see.

“I’m sorry,” Maeve whispered and rushed away from the stables.


	19. The Flower of Love Starts to Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko was now in a pickle. Her thoughts were running chaotically with what could be and what reality was. Nothing seemed to match and it was causing more stress than intended. Sadly, the push that Dorian and Maeve hoped for might not be the ending they wanted.

Skyhold was starting to look like a proper fortress. The process was only quickened with the combined help of the mages and builders that sacrificed their time and effort to make sure they could withstand an assault from Corypheus once more. Haruko was pleased to see it coming together. Her arm and leg acted and felt as though they had never been broken. Now she was able to go into combat and intense training when she desired. It felt good to get things to a relative normalcy, even in the midst of war. Currently she was organizing the room that Maeve and her were temporarily given while their rooms were being repaired. All of their things were buried beneath a mountain of snow. Everything that they had, that they came with had been thought lost. However, Maeve’s people or rather Leliana’s people had recovered very few items. Miraculously, both of their cell phones had survived through the horrendous tragedy. 

Haruko looked down at the blank black screen and sighed heavily. Nothing of what they had would ever work in this world would it? Her fingers thumbed the power button with the temptation. There were pictures on here of her past life. Her friends, family…even the capability of capturing moments here in Thedas if she wanted to…but that would have its limit. So long as her battery lasted…and she couldn’t even remember how much power it had left. A soft knock at her door brought her from her thoughts.

“Captain,” a stern voice said. Haruko turned around to see Ian with a heavy box. Haruko came over and help take the load off of him and guide him to a table.

“More supplies for your room,” he said with a little huff. Haruko giggled a little bit.

“Don’t tell me my strong arm is winded just by a little box,” she teased him. Ian gave a scowl. 

“After attempting to one up your stunt at Haven? Hardly anyone can live up to that,” he replied.

“I wouldn't want anyone else to go through that, I could have just as easily died,” Haruko said as she looked inside the box. There were blankets for their beds and a few heavier hand-me-down clothes that were built for the winter conditions. Probably some other things like candle holders at the bottom or wrapped within the blankets so as not to break them.

“The mountain probably would have taken you if the Commander had not rescued you,” Ian agreed. Haruko felt a slight pain in her heart. She’d not spoken to the Commander outside of orders or a casual passing hello since Maeve and Dorian’s interference. Part of her was furious that things were not so awkward that she could not converse with a really good friend. Another part of her was scared to death of her own feelings that might or might not be developing.

“Probably, but I wouldn't have gone down without a fight,” Haruko said to keep the conversation flowing normally. Ian gave a chuckle. 

“I don’t doubt that, no wolf has ever gone down without a fight,” he teased.

“How many times have I said not to call me that?” Haruko asked in irritation.

“More times than I care to count. You know it won’t stop with just me,” Ian said. Haruko shot him a small glare before her eyes rolled at his comment. Undoubtly he was a big part in the spread of the so called “Wolf Warriors” and Varric, with the help of the Iron Bull, had just started calling her wolf. Poor Masamune got a name and she got yet another nickname. How many did that make now? Three? Some days she wished she did have her real name spoken instead.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Ian then said. Haruko looked at his retreating form.

“That’s a hell of a way to respect your commanding officer!” she shouted after him. His laughter echoed off the stone walls and made her smile. She was never one for general formalities anyway. 

“Back to work I suppose?” Haruko asked as she looked over at Masamune. He curled himself up in a handmade bed. He looked cozy and warm where he was. Haruko gave a small smile and went about changing out of her armour to her casual clothes. An emerald green tunic that she easily stuffed into a light beige pants that also stuffed themselves into brown boots. She had a leather vest that fit snug against her body and even a belt for her sword to rest at her hip. A blue scarf to match her eyes wrapped itself lazily around her neck and rested on her shoulders and chest. The last thing she put on were leather armguards just in case she needed to fight. She was out of the normal armour and into near leather armour. 

_One could never be too careful_ Haruko thought as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her leather necklace that held her father’s promise ring on a cross rested snuggly against her throat. 

“Maybe I should get this leather replaced…what do you think Masamune?” Haruko asked. The wolf perked its ears up at her in response but made no motion to answer. Haruko sighed a little. It was nearly like talking to a wall at times. 

“Come on boy, let’s go out for a little walk,” Haruko suggested. The wolf lifted his head at the world “walk.” Poor guy was exactly like a dog at times. He got up from his bed and half trotted to Haruko’s side. They walked out of their makeshift living quarters and out into the open air. The sun was out, peeking out behind some clouds, and the temperature was decent. Masamune ran out and scattered some birds that were perfectly happy with resting in the small bit of sun.

“Oh leave the birds alone, boy,” Haruko half scolded. Masamune didn’t care and ran up to greet everyone that was willing to pet him. He was such a good boy, a perfect symbol of good caretaking. They walked around the courtyards until Haruko saw someone in the distance. Masamune was the first to run up to him and give him a proper greeting. Haruko wished her best friend in fur was a little more understanding of her current problems. The wolf, not so little any more, received a gentle pat from the Commander.

“Sorry, Commander, he’s just excited to be out,” Haruko said. Lame. What a lame excuse. The wolf got about the same amount of exercise as the rest of the soldiers here.

“Perhaps he should get out a little more often?” the Commander asked. Haruko gave a smile before her mind went back to the conversation she had with Dorian. Why was this good thing ruined with these thoughts? Silence fell between them for a moment.

“Do you-”

“How about-“

Both of them tried to ask a question at the same time. Both ended up falling silent once more and the awkwardness continued to grow. Why couldn't they talk to each other like they did before Dorian’s and Maeve’s interference?

“Go ahead, you were going to say something first,” the Commander said politely. Haruko shook her head and used rank as an excuse to not ask her question.

“No, you go first, I interrupted,” she said with the tone of a soft apology.

“Well…okay,” the Commander said nervously. “Um…Are you free this afternoon?”

“As far as I know,” Haruko said with a smile. The Commander gave a nod and silence fell between them. Masamune walked between them and looked at each of them expectantly.

_Stop it_ Haruko thought with a light glare. 

“Would you care to join me on a scouting mission?” the Commander suggested.

“Uh, sure,” Haruko said with a nod. At least it would give her time to regain her wits that seemed to scatter as fast as her thoughts flew. 

“I’ll go get Urajak and Yakul ready,” she said and slowly took a half step in the direction of the stable. 

“Right…I’ll meet you there then,” he said. Both of them walked away from each other. The awkward air there made it hard to breath and even harder to think. Masamune watched Commander Cullen walk away before he ran back to Haruko’s side to catch up. Haruko gave a sigh.

“What did I agree too?” Haruko muttered to herself.

~

“UGH! This is so painful to watch!” Maeve grumbled. She’d hoped that they would have gotten over their shock of their own feelings coming to light but it seems that her “help” had turned their relationship into something too awkward. Part of her regretted that, since Haruko had yet to come and talk to her since. 

“They’ve been like that for a while now,” Dorian said. Spock was lazily laying across his shoulders. His nose was in a book, as it usually was when he was on the job. Maeve figured it had something to do with figuring out who Corypheus actually was.

“I thought this would help,” Maeve grumbled.

“You did suggest to the Commander that he needed to take her out on a date,” Dorian reminded. “To be the one to make the first move. I doubt Haruko realizes what’s going on.”

“I’m looking out for my best friend here,” Maeve said. “I know Haruko, she’s a hopeless romantic, but she won’t take the initiative in these situations. She’s too kind.”

“For now all we can do is wait,” Dorian said as he glanced up from his book. “With any luck, they will get past this awkwardness.”

“I know I know…” Maeve grumbled. She was impatient, but if she was too impatient, she might as well ruin a good friendship.

~

Haruko spent most of her time in the stables. The scent of horses was nostalgic and gave her an unusual comfort. Added with the smell of leather, she could almost put herself back in the stables she used to ride at as a child. For the rest of the morning while she waited for her scouting trip with the Commander, she busied herself with the different tack available. The reins and saddles in Thedas were far different, and since their move from Haven, they had some better equipment come in as well as a few new breeds. Haruko was fascinated that the saddles nearly resembled that of a western saddle. But the straps and the draping were different if not nonexistent.

“And here I thought I would get some time to myself living here,” Blackwall commented. Haruko gave a little chuckle. He’d been a little stress reliever of sorts. Just talking to him seemed to make her relaxed from her current train of thought.

“I happen to enjoy the stables just as much as you do,” she said to him. Currently she was getting Urajak’s and Yakul’s gear ready. The only thing she had left to do was retrieve them from their pasture.

“After you seemed to go over every saddle and bridle here, I am hardly surprised,” he said. He was working on his carving. The griffon looked cute, or the finished head looked cute.

“I’ll be out of your beard here soon, then you can brood in relative silence,” she joked with him. With that she walked out to the fence line and saw her precious Hart grazing lazily. 

“Yakul!” Haruko called. The Red Hart lifted its head and looked at Haruko. Then he walked slowly over to her and gave a playful nip on her ear. She giggled a little and held his head gently in her hands.

“It’s been a little while, I hope you’ve forgiven me for the ride here from Haven,” Haruko said. There was silence between them but and understanding. Yakul followed her to the gate and she opened it for him to walk through. She threw a gently lead line around his neck and led him to a post and got him ready to ride. A simple brushing, the lay of the blanket, saddle, then the bridle.

“I’ll just be a moment,” she said to Yakul as she tied the reins to the post. Urajak was in his stall instead of out in the pasture. That made things easier for her. The horse took to the lead line as he usually did and followed her willingly to be groomed and saddled. While she groomed him, he thoughts wandered to what she was about to do. 

She was going to get an opportunity to be alone with the Commander. Not many opportunities presented themselves like this, and after recent events she was not exactly excited to do this. And yet she was. There was a slight small smile on her face as she brushed Urajak’s fur. She’d been slowly entertaining the idea that maybe she could find more with the Commander…but only if he wanted.

“You seem to be out here pretty early,” the Commander’s voice said from behind her. She jumped a little and turned to see him standing there. Why did he have to appear out of thin air? Haruko gave a nervous chuckle as she put the brush away.

“I’m just getting them ready,” Haruko explained. Masamune ran up to him and begged for attention. Poor Cullen was weak to her wolf and always gave him a nice pat on the head. Haruko smiled a little bit before she grabbed Urajak’s saddle and saddle blanket. She could hear the Commander’s footsteps as he walked closer.

“You’ve become quite skilled at taking care of some of the horses,” he said. He was reaching for things to talk about. Haruko adjusted the place of the saddle on Urajak’s back as she had done so many times in her youth.

“Oh this? I used to ride horses when I was younger,” she said over her shoulder.

“Explains how you could be around them for so long,” he said even as he gave Urajak a friendly pat.

“It’s nostalgic, yes, but I find animals to be better company than some humans,” she replied. There was a bout of silence and then Haruko realized what those words might have meant.

“Some humans,” She repeated but it didn't feel as though it helped her case. The Commander nodded.

“It’s fine, Haruko,” he said calmly. “I understand what you were trying to say.”

Was she that easy to read? Haruko gave a sigh. She needed to calm down. It wasn't that terrible. She could still talk to him as nothing happened. If he did not feel the same way about her, or didn't show that sort of interest then there was no point in worrying over it so much. He asked her to go on a scouting trip, nothing more.

_Just a scouting trip_ Haruko said. She’d be happy to talk as though nothing happened between Dorian and Maeve.

“Here,” she said and handed Commander Cullen the reins to Urajak. “Ready for the scouting trip?”

He gave a nod and mounted smoothly. Haruko quickly jumped up on Yakul’s back and turned to walk to the front gates. They got near to the iron gates and they rose up in the air with loud clanks of metal. 

“Don’t get lost in the snow this time, Haruko!” a few of her soldiers yelled out at her in tease.

“Is that how you respect your commanding officer?” the Commander’s voice boomed at them. Haruko smiled as she watched them freeze with embarrassment and horror before they dashed away. No one wanted to be caught acting the way she allowed them to act in front of the Commander of the Inquisition.

“Just because I go out one time and come back half dead does not mean it will happen all the time,” Haruko commented lightly. The soft echoes of Yakul and Urajak’s hoof falls filled the relative silence outside Skyhold’s gates. 

“Given your record of going out on missions by yourself, you seem to come back more wounded than when you left,” the Commander pointed out with a little laugh in his tone.

“But it doesn't happen all the time,” Haruko insisted. She was starting to relax. Finally, the fear of her thoughts were being pushed back so that she might enjoy the friendship she once had before without her realizing it.

“That is true, but how often does it happen?” he then asked. 

“Ah……” Haruko started to say something then closed her mouth. “You make a fair point.”

The second gates that closed the bridge from Skyhold to the mountainside opened with the same loudness as the one at Skyhold’s main fortress. However, once they were open, they had the fastness of the wilderness before them. Masamune ran out and chased some rabbits. Haruko smiled at her silly wolf even as they started to walk away.

“You really trust him that much to follow you?” Commander Cullen asked her. Haruko looked over at him and then gave a nod.  
“He can follow his nose just as his ancestors did before him,” she said with a little bit of a laugh. Masamune barked loudly and ran past them as a rabbit whizzed by. Yakul danced with irritation.

“Is he really a wolf?” he then asked. Haruko giggled lightly.

“Even wolves need to go out and play,” she teased. He gave a smile of his own in return.

“I suppose they do,” he replied with his own chuckle. Haruko’s laughter was always infectious. They rode more into the wooden area nearest to them. Masamune had fun weaving through the trees and sniff in the underbrush. Some places were completely covered in snow or had melted away under the sun’s rays. The trees had just started to show signs that they wanted to grow leaves, but only just. The weather had not warmed up enough just yet. There was still a good amount of snow on the ground, and the mountain tops would perhaps always have a dusting of snow upon them.

“It really is beautiful,” Haruko muttered to herself. Nature itself held an inherent beauty she could never properly describe. There were no words to explain how she felt, or how nature made her feel when she looked at it.

“I think only you would admire the landscape that could just as easily kill you,” the Commander commented. Haruko looked over to him and thought she could see a touch of worry in his eyes.

“Hal and I created the avalanche out of necessity. I doubt anyone would willingly want to get buried alive with snow,” Haruko said with a little smile. 

“Anyone willing to do so would be labeled as crazy,” he replied. Haruko’s smile turned into a wide grin.

“I didn’t say that I was completely sane,” she said. The Commander gave a light chuckle in response. The two started to walk in a different direction now. Masamune bounded through the snow and tracked after something. Could have been another rabbit, it could have been something completely different. Haruko did not claim to know or to understand the mind of her lupine friend.

“Did you get this much snow where you lived?” Haruko heard the Commander ask. Haruko gave him a small glance and then back out to the landscape around them.

“No, not really,” she answered. There was a note of sadness in her voice. “I never really lived in the mountains, and if we did get any snow, it would only be enough to come up to half your shins…it was rather rare to get knee deep snow.”

“You’ve never lived in the mountains?” he asked. Haruko shook her head.

“I’ve travelled to some, but…where I lived it was rather flat,” she said. “It made great for snowmen and snow angels though.”

“Snowmen and snow angels?” the Commander asked. Haruko looked over at him in surprise. Did they not have these things in Thedas? How did they live as children without even attempting to make a snowman? They had plenty of snow all around them! Her mouth gaped open in surprise.

“You’ve never made a snowman?” she asked. The snow angels might be a stretch since their idea of angels are rather different. 

“I’m afraid not,” the Commander said. Haruko groaned. What childhood did this man lead?! Not that hers was any better, but still! This was something she had to rectify. With a swift swing of her leg, Haruko dismounted quickly and landed in the snow with a soft crunch. Yakul stood there patiently as his rider crouched down and packed the snow into a tiny ball. Then she put it lightly on the surface of the snow and started to roll it and pack it. She kept doing this until it was big enough to come up to her knees. The next one was a little smaller, and placed upon the first. The last was easily the smallest and placed on top of the small tower of snow balls. There was little she could do about making a face or arms. Whatever sticks and stones were around might be buried beneath her feet. A search she did not want to partake in. When she was done, Haruko turned around with a bright smile on her face.

“A snowman!” she said with her arms out to show off her creation dramatically. The Commander looked only slightly confused. It easily disappeared into a chuckle and he too dismounted.

“And this is what you did as a child?” he asked as he walked over.

“Well yeah, this and snow angels,” she said with a nod. Her gaze returned to him and he seemed to try and make his hand at making a starting snow ball. The thing that made her chuckle was the way he tried to make it perfectly round.

“It’s just the start,” Haruko said. “It doesn't have to be perfect.”

Thank goodness they had gloves. The snow would have easily frozen their fingers and they built their snowmen in the snow. Haruko could already feel the cold seeping through her gloves and it made it harder to move her fingers. Ever since her unfortunate trip into frozen death, she didn’t like the feeling of the cold. She enjoyed it’s cooling sensation but once it started to affect her muscles, that is when she disliked it terribly. Haruko stepped back and moved her fingers to encourage the blood flow to bring warmth and life back into them.

“Are you getting too cold?” The Commander asked her. Haruko looked up to him and he had his eyes on her. She gave a small nervous smile and then shook her head. He was having fun, learning and enjoying a piece of her culture. She could take a little cold for the sake of this.

“I’m fine,” she said and came over to inspect his work. He’d made a fine base snowball for his snowman. The next few moments were spent improving and making the remaining snow balls to finish Cullen’s first snowman. Haruko let him do most of it. The only thing she did was pack extra snow into the cracks to keep the snowballs from sliding off. She even got a chance to make a little face on her snowman. No one would have been able to see the little holes for eyes and the smile she drew. But it made her feel better that it had a face. Haruko glanced over at Cullen and he too was concentrating on packing the snow balls together so they were form a being like shape. For once he was actually not working. Perhaps he thought this was working since it was a part of her culture, but she’d like to think that there was a small portion of his brain that wanted to relax every now and then. And that was the part the Haruko enjoyed the most. 

“Let’s see if he knows what a snowball fight is,” she whispered to Masamune. He pricked his ears up. The wolf had gotten tired of his running around and found a spot to rest for a moment or two. Haruko went about making a snowball in her hands. When she was near finished, a minor crush or two with her hands, she stood up straight.

“Hey Cullen!” Haruko called at him. Commander Cullen looked up and got a face full of snow. Haruko couldn't help but laugh at the Commander. The surprised look on his face, the spray of snow as it collided, it was too funny. He brushed his face off and then looked at her, annoyed.

“What in Andraste’s name was that for?!” he called.

“It’s the initiation to a snowball fight,” Haruko said as she scooped up some more snow into her hand. “Or do they not have those in Thedas as well?”

The Commander did not answer her in words. Instead, he picked up some snow of his own as threw it at her. She turned and it hit her shoulder and she gasped with surprise. A grin appeared on his face and soon they were throwing snowballs at each other. They shouted and laughed, acting like a couple of children in the snow. There was not much for cover, just their snowmen that they had built. Haruko could hear the fighting had died down and now wondered where the Commander had gotten off too. She peaked around her snowman only to receive a face full of snow.

“HA!” Cullen surprised her and threw more snowballs. All Haruko could do was try to out run the throws, or block them with her hand. But there was only so much she was willing to take. Haruko was not one to go down without a fight, a product of growing up with two younger brothers that constantly teased her. She did not wait for him to stop, she charged forward and tackled the Commander without a second thought. There was no rank here. There was no Inquisition here. There was only two people having fun in a world that was going insane. They fell into the snow with a soft crunch. Both of them were panting with their effort and looked at each other for a moment. There was silence, and then there was unending laughter. 

“I don’t think I have ever had that much fun before,” Cullen admitted.

“Well, I’m glad that you had fun,” Haruko said with a smile. Couldn’t this moment just continue on? Forever and ever? Haruko had never really thought about love before, and being with Cullen like this, feeling completely different about him than any other man in this world and her world just made it seem possible. The thought of not being with him, him not liking her, not wanting her, it was too much to bear.

Cullen on the other hand was very aware that this was what people would describe as love. He was coming to terms that he was in love with Haruko, but he wasn't sure how to express that. Haruko was never someone that really lied, was brutally honest, and cared so much about other people. She never accepted gifts, only after much insisting, and she never really asked for anything in particular. He wasn't exactly sure what she liked here in Thedas. There was the interest in horses, but that was all he really knew. Cullen wanted to show, express his love for her somehow, especially when after Maeve had brought to light his affection. 

Time wouldn't move forward for them, and they found themselves drawn closer to each other. Haruko was the one to freeze. Reality came crashing in. What was she doing?! This was her commander! The person in charge of the entire army that she was enlisted in! This was not something a mere captain like her should be doing! Not to mention both of them were very busy with the Inquisition to even think about love! Not that she was in love right now! It was just too much. Her face started to turn a light shade of pink into a bright shade of red as she pulled away from the Commander and stood up quickly.

“Uh…I-I think it’s time to go back,” Haruko stammered out. She couldn't bear to look at Commander Cullen. Not only did she fear what his face looked like, but she feared that she accidentally rejected him. She did not want to reject him, that was the furthest thing that she wanted to do. But she knew how it looked, knew what it might have meant. Her mind was her own trap.

 _I’m so stupid…stupid! Stupid!_ She thought to herself as she walked back to Yakul. Commander Cullen sat up and then stood up. He watched as Haruko walked away from him, snow still on her armour from their fight. What fun they had was over, for now. He still found himself smiling, not because he felt it ironic, but because Haruko was embarrassed. She’d seen her embarrassed before, but…this was different.

_Perhaps I should speak with Maeve later_ he thought to himself as he brushed what snow he could off of him. Once that was done he returned to Urajak and stepped up into the saddle. They rode back in relative silence, or if they talked, they didn’t talk about what just happened. Commander Cullen was well aware that Haruko was avoiding him. But to tell the complete truth, he wasn't all that upset about it. Maeve had given a light warning that Haruko might be shy in this regard. He’d be patient enough to wait on her if that is what really needed to happen. Haruko was definitely worth waiting for.

~

“Soo?” Maeve came over to visit Haruko as she was coming back from her date with Cullen. “How was the scouting trip?” 

“Fine,” Haruko said trying to play off like nothing happened of interest. Her mind was racing still. She’d nearly kissed her commanding officer and yet she found herself happy about the time she had with him. Why was this such a conflicting feeling?

“Did you kiss?” Maeve asked.

“NO WE DID NOT!” She roared. Her cheeks flushed bright red. Maeve might as well have been the Cheshire Cat with the grin upon her face. Haruko scowled at her friend and refused to speak about that evening with Maeve.


	20. The Center of Sorrow is Miscommunication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko might have made the biggest mistake of her life, and because of that thought, her anger with with Maeve abated. And with her anger abated, she could notice Maeve's new wave of worry and depression. Now it was her turn to give an extra push, with the help of Dorian, in starting a romantic relationship for her friend.

The phrase “Time heals wounds” always rang true. Now that Haruko was too focused on herself for being an idiot with the Commander, she could get over her anger at her friend, Maeve. Plus, Maeve had been fighting a bad case of depression. The constant sighs, the looks off into the distance, the lack of passion within her work. Something was eating at her friend, and Haruko was willing to put her past aside in order to help. For some reason, Maeve was avoiding the stables. Haruko had suggested that they take a ride out and get away from the people inside of Skyhold but Maeve turned her down flat. It wasn't a nice turn down either. Whatever happened, it was big.

“Hey Maeve! How are you doing today?” Haruko asked. Maeve was putting her things away from her last mission. Haruko herself had returned from a hunting trip that Hal asked them to go one. Seems like they needed more meat and leather goods to make more leather armour and repairs. 

“I’m alright,” Maeve said quietly. “Infiltrated some nobleman’s house and dug some dirt up. Same shit different day.”

“You wanna take me up on that ride?” Haruko asked again. Maybe this time she’d get her friend to come with her. Getting outside of Skyhold and just talking with a good friend would probably help calm Maeve’s already irritated nerves.

“You are so pushy!” Maeve teased. Haruko gave a light chuckle.

“Come on, it will help out, I promise,” Haruko insisted. Maeve sighed heavily. Her friend was usually right, but could she not see she did not want to go down to the stables for anything? Sometimes it was like talking to a child.

“I would rather not go to the stables at all,” Maeve reminded. Her face was dejected. Haruko gave a small sigh and then placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to go there. You can wait by the front gates and I can get you a horse to ride,” Haruko said. Master Denant and her had become fast friends over the course of the few months. Haruko liked to make it a point to take care of Yakul on her own and thus often times would run into Master Denant while he was working with other horses. The two always had conversations about horses and proper care. He seemed to be interested in how horses were kept in her world at times. At this time, Maeve still remained silent but did not openly say “no” to her idea.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Haruko said as she patted her shoulder lightly. Maeve stuck her tongue out at her friend and Haruko gave a laugh. The thing was, it wasn't something necessarily that Haruko could take care of. What happened between Blackwall and Maeve was something they would have to work between. Maeve had offended Blackwall, and she felt rather bad about it. Blackwall wanted space, and she did not give it to him. Maeve gave yet another sigh and placed the rest of her travel clothes away. After that, she walked herself up to Dorian’s library and stole his seat along with Spock for comfort. She was the perfect size to cuddle and hold the kitty.

“Is my assistant coming to help organize the books?” Dorian asked. He had been away attending to some research only to find his nice chair had been invaded.

“Nope, I think Haruko has come to steal me away,” Maeve joked lightly. Spock purred lightly against her chest. The little cat’s eyes were closed as it lay there content against her favorite human. 

“It’s about time,” Dorian teased back. “The way you two are always together, I thought the wedding would never happen.”

“But the real joke is, we are already married, Haruko’s my husband,” Maeve said in all seriousness. If it were not for her melancholy mood, Dorian might have continued to joke with her. However, the Tevinter Mage regarded her with a cocked eyebrow. Maeve gave a slight smile and a giggle. Both of them knew exactly who tickled Haruko’s fancy.

“You almost had me there,” Dorian said with a big smile. Maeve then fell silent as she snuggled close to Spock. What was she going to tell Haruko? There was nothing to talk about when it was clear Blackwall didn't want her. That and there was nothing that Maeve could think Haruko would do short of punching the man for hurting Maeve emotionally.

“You know, you’ve sat there for quite a while, and not once have you told me about your trip to Redcliffe,” Dorian teased. Maeve looked up at him and gave another heavy sigh. There was a slight thump as paper closed between a leather bound book. 

“I believe your friend is actually trying to help you out by taking you away from lovely Skyhold,” Dorian said.

“How do you know about that?” Maeve asked. Dorian gave a smile.

“It seems our dear friend Haruko has forgiven me of my past transgressions in order to help her darling wife,” he said. Maeve gave a halfhearted scowl and then gave in.

“I know she’s trying to help, but I just…I can’t go down to the stables,” she admitted.

“I think Haruko would have settled on delivering a fine mount to your liking,” Dorian said. Maeve sighed. Yes, but she would have to go to the stables on her own eventually. People were already talking about how she had been avoiding them and wondered if there was some sort of accident. They had already started to add that Blackwall might have something to do with that, but that was a very small rumor. He hid well behind that Grey Warden façade. 

“I think if you have some time with your friend that you will feel better,” Dorian insisted. Maeve scowled at him. Dorian was usually right, if not always right.

“But I want to stay here and cuddle with my cuddly little Spock,” she whined like a child.

“Spock will always be here when you get back,” he said confidently. “As will my chair. Though I am thinking it might be better to hide it. It is my favorite chair.”

“And I will find it, because it is also my favorite chair to sit in,” Maeve stated as fact. They shared a few more moments of laughter before Maeve finally got her butt out of the chair and headed down to meet Haruko. The woman was already standing there with Yakul and another horse. It was a beautiful…what was the term? Ah! Roan! Haruko had tried to teach a little about the different colors on horses in their spare time and this horse was a beautiful bay roan. The mane and tail were black in color as well as a bit of its legs. The rest of its body had a dusting of white, as though covered with powdered sugar or flour, over its very light brown coat.

“This is Rose, she’s a wonderful mare,” Haruko said with a smile. Maeve walked up and still looked less enthusiastic than before. Haruko’s face fell a little as she walked up to Maeve. 

“You're not backing out now are you?” Haruko asked. Maeve hated it when her friend did that. She didn't like the guilt that came with that puppy dog look.

“No no, I was just sad that I had to leave Spock and Dorian behind,” she said with a glance back up at the library. Masamune gave a little whine as he stood at the front gates. Haruko gave him a warning look and his ears dropped down in disappointment. The woman looked back to her best friend.

“You two could make out later,” Haruko said with a grin. Maeve snorted and giggled uncontrollably. By accident of course, but Haruko knew exactly how to make her laugh.

“Oh it would be more than just-“ Maeve started before going into a fit of giggles. Haruko rolled her eyes dramatically and offered Rose’s reins to Maeve.

“Let’s get going,” she said with an encouraging smile. Haruko hopped up onto Yakul’s saddle with ease. Maeve had to struggle to get her foot up in the stirrup. Damn her shortness. But once she jumped up the rest was easy to do. Haruko had already signaled to raise the gates and they rode out into the wilderness. Haruko took them in the opposite direction of where the Commander and her had “scouted.” Best to avoid further embarrassment when this was not about her. 

“So what’s on your mind?” Haruko asked.

“I’m fine,” Maeve said instinctively. It was not in her nature to let others worry about herself.

“I cannot read minds, you know,” Haruko said. “Not like Bull, that would be creepy.”

It would be creepy. The Iron Bull had this training from his people that allowed him to read people as though they were open books all the time. Even Maeve found it to be a little strange. She watched as Masamune ran through the trees and chased after rabbits or squirrels. Sometimes there was a nug that dared to venture out of hiding.

“…Alright, yeah, something happened,” Maeve finally admitted. “I started teasing Blackwall a bit and then I offended him.”

“And that’s why you can’t go down to the stables yet?” Haruko asked and received a nod. Haruko could hear the leather groan under her grip of frustration.

“I’m going to kick his ass into next week,” she muttered. 

“No I don’t think that’s necessary,” Maeve said quickly. This is what she was afraid of. No matter who was at fault, Haruko would raise her shield to protect her friend. It was endearing but sometimes it caused more trouble than it was worth.

“Maeve, I know you tease and such, but he didn’t need to hurt your feelings in order to get you to stop,” she said in Maeve’s defense. In truth, Maeve and Blackwall were not the best at telling the other “no” out right. Perhaps that is where their issue was.

“Haruko, I know you mean well, but it was my fault. I’ll figure this out,” Maeve insisted. She could hear Haruko sigh heavily. Her friend would always be by her side no matter what. There was a silence between them for a moment before Haruko turned in her saddle to look at Maeve.

“Wanna play in the snow a bit?” Haruko suggested. She wasn't a fan of snow, not in recent events, but Maeve had yet to do something childish like this.

“Sure! SNOWMEN!!” Maeve agreed. Haruko sighed in emotional pain as she got down from the saddle. Why did it have to be snowmen? However, this was for Maeve, and she would gladly walk through the fires of Hell to make her smile. And thus, the two of them enjoyed a moment away from the problems of Thedas and did something that reminded them of their own world.

~

“I haven’t actually played in the snow for a while,” Maeve said with a laugh. She was definitely in better spirits than when they had left. Haruko seemed to regain her earlier enthusiasm as well.

“We are up in the mountains,” Haruko pointed out. The way she worded it hinted that there might be an opportunity for another round of snowmen making and snow angel making.

“If we have some time… _if_ ,” Maeve said. Everyone in the Inquisition worked at full capacity and then some in order to take down Corypheus.

“We’ll make time,” Haruko said with confidence. Maeve appreciated the optimism Haruko brought with her. 

“Hah! If Leliana wouldn't just slave drive us,” Maeve grumbled under her breath. Lord knows that woman always got the information she wanted. Even if that meant sending out a few tired agents here and there.

“At least you’re learning, you won the last few games of Wicked Grace…Though I think Bull was letting you win,” Haruko attempted to change the subject. It seemed to work since Maeve turned to her and got this grin on her face.

“Ah! I’m going to have to beat him for real!” Maeve said enthusiastically. With that, she dismounted and ran he way back up to the tavern to tease the Iron Bull. Haruko shook her head at her friend before she dismounted with a soft thud of her foot hitting the ground. She then took up Rose’s reins and gently led her back to the stables. Master Denant took care of the rest. However, Haruko sought to take care of Yakul personally.

“You did so good,” Haruko complimented. The Red Hart gave a snort and nibbled at some of the grass as Haruko patted his shoulder affectionately. 

“We’ll go out for another ride later, maybe I can set up some jumps or find some, eh?” Haruko added as she took the saddle and blanket from his back. Yakul turned and gave her a playful nudge. Haruko gave a giggled and shoved his head back just as playfully. Her animal friends were always so patience with her. The woman opened up the gates for Yakul to enjoy his time being lazy in the pasture before she took up his bridle. She swung it over her shoulder and then took up his saddle in both of her arms. The location where these were to be placed was the same location that Haruko wanted to be in. There was a certain someone that needed a talking to.

“Hi there,” Haruko said loudly. There was a swear or two coupled with the clatter of metal against wood. Blackwall was still working on his griffon carving, and seemed to be too into the zone to notice Haruko walk in.

“Maker’s Balls Haruko! You can’t do that to a person,” Blackwall snapped. Haruko grinned. It was satisfying enough to see him jump when he did more than that to Maeve.

“Sorry, I have a tendency to do that,” Haruko apologized lightly. She placed the saddle on its rack. The sound of the metal clinking and the leather groaning echoed inside the wooden walls of the stable. 

“I haven’t seen you out much,” she commented. There was the dull thud of a chisel against wood as she asked. 

“Well, you are out on different missions than I,” Blackwall said simply. He was obviously engrossed in his carving where as Haruko was attempting to make conversation. The fact that he was not listening annoyed her to no end. She took the bridle off of her shoulder and roughly hung it up. The small metal buckles clanged against the wooden post.

“Look…Maeve’s not been back here,” Haruko said seriously. She watched as Blackwall stopped his carving but did not turn around.

“She’s avoided this place for nearly a week or so now, what did you say to her?” she finished. Already her hands were on her hips and her temper short. He slowly looked back at her before he turned back to his griffon carving. There was no way that Maeve put her friend up to this. Maeve wasn't like that. Haruko and Maeve must have talked at some point and recently. They were best friends after all, eventually Haruko would have gotten wind about this.

“Look, I don’t know what Maeve told you,” Blackwall said calmly. “But it is better that she not get involved with me.”

“Why? Because you’re a Grey Warden? You’re a hermit? You are older than you’re letting on?” Haruko asked heatedly. “Sure Maeve has a bit of a streak but beyond that she’s a good person. Whatever you did, she didn't deserve it.”

“No it’s not…” Blackwall stopped himself. Haruko waited with as much patience as she could give to this man. She wanted to much to snap at him and tell him to go apologize to Maeve for whatever he said. Sure, Maeve might have said that it was her fault but that woman always thought it was her fault. 

“I gave everything I am to the Grey Wardens; I wouldn't have anything left to give her if …if she…” Blackwall then said.

“If you wanted to get involved?” Haruko then asked in a near mocking tone. “I didn't say get involved, I just want you to apologize. There are gentler ways to say no, or to let her know you’re more traditional.”

If only Haruko actually knew. There was no seduction involved that he was aware of. Just the affections of a woman that might be interested in getting to know him far more than what he was comfortable with. Admittedly, he might have over reacted, but it was for the best in the long run. Maeve did not need to know him, didn't need to be interested in him. He was Grey Warden, and he needed to give up everything if that was the case.

“It’s not what you think happened,” Blackwall corrected firmly.

“Then tell me what actually happened,” Haruko said as she crossed her arms. Maker’s breathe her glare was too harsh for words. In honesty, he wished he was actually speaking to Maeve about this instead of Haruko.

“…” Blackwall hesitated. “She merely wanted to hold hands again…and tricked me into doing so.”

“Again?” Haruko asked with a confused look on her face. Blackwall gave a heavy sigh and turned from her harsh look.

“The first was on our trip to Skyhold. You were asleep,” Blackwall said. Haruko sighed. All of this was over the fact that they were holding hands? How childish was this? It nearly sounded like these two were still in elementary school. 

_Calm down_ Haruko thought to herself. She had her own issues to resolve with the Commander on such issues.

“I’d go apologize to her soon,” Haruko suggested harshly. “Or Maeve’s going to completely avoid you forever. For something this silly…”

“It’s not silly!” Blackwall insisted.

“Really? A grown man such as yourself is willing to hurt the feelings of my best friend over the fact that you two were holding hands?!” Haruko snapped. Her patience was slowly burning up. Blackwall opened his mouth to say something but Haruko beat him to it.

“Figure out whatever it is that is keeping you from apologizing to her,” Haruko said firmly. And that was the end of the conversation. Haruko did not stay around to wait if there was a response. If this argument did continue, Haruko was sure she would say something harsh. Harsh words were not needed in this situation, not when it was so delicate.

~

Haruko now found herself running drills in the courtyard with her men. Masamune followed at her side as always, but her face looked rather dour. She had been thinking about Maeve’s situation a bit too much. There was so much about it that irritated her. Neither one was willing to talk to the other in order to come to terms. Not talking about it was not going to help, only allow it to fester into something that could have easily been fixed. 

_I have no right to say those things…_ Haruko thought to herself. She had yet to speak with the Commander about her own issues. This time it was her fault and no one else’s. God, she wished it was someone else’s fault just so she could move on.

“Did my advice help?” Dorian’s voice asked. Haruko turned and saw the Tevinter mage walking toward her.

“For Maeve? Yes, as far as dealing with Blackwall is concerned, I fear that I am not the best person for speaking with him,” Haruko said as she returned her gaze back to her men.

“You will have to be if this is to work,” Dorian said. Haruko gave him a sideways scowl.

“Why? Because you and he cannot speak to one another without insult?” Haruko asked.

“There is that,” Dorian said. He tried to watch what Haruko was watching for but saw no value in it. He was a man of intellect, who studied with a mountain of books and then some. 

“Aside from that, I can’t help but want to punch the guy for making Maeve feel like it is her fault,” Haruko added.

“She did explain it to me as, “I was coming on too strongly”, or something like that,” Dorian said.

“Your shield is supposed to block oncoming attacks!” Haruko shouted. Dorian gave a light wince at the volume. Maker he would not want to hear her actually angry.

“Maeve does have this…flirtatious nature, I will agree, but she is sensitive enough to know when she is too much for someone,” Haruko said. This time she gave Dorian her full attention.

“She’s not one to over burden someone. You saw how long it took me to get her out of Skyhold and ask what was wrong with her,” she added. She thing sighed and ran a hand through her short hair. 

“We can’t let this continue as it is,” Dorian then said. Haruko sighed. She knew. They both knew that Maeve and Blackwall needed to reconcile at some point. Haruko knew that there Maeve had a thing for Blackwall. There was a slight resemblance between Blackwall and Maeve’s boyfriend back in their world. That might have been a starting point but Maeve just wanted to get to know who Blackwall was. He was also the second person that she recruited into the Inquisition. Not exactly something with an ulterior motive. Might have ended somewhere there but it wasn't the start.

“They need to apologize to one another for being idiots…” Haruko muttered and then rubbed her face. She hated playing behind Maeve’s back like this.

“They need to meet on neutral ground,” Haruko then added.

“The tavern is the best place to be on equal ground with anyone,” Dorian said.

“You just want an excuse to go there yourself,” Haruko pointed out. Dorian gave a laugh at her and she shook her head.

“I’ll leave you to get that hairy lummox to meet Maeve there,” he said as he walked away.

“And this is why he won’t talk to you,” Haruko called after him. He said nothing in return and Haruko was left to shake her head at the mage. What friends she had made. This would have to wait a day or two. Dorian needed time to talk with Maeve and Haruko needed to wait until things were cooled down between her and Blackwall. Lord only knew that Blackwall would not talk to her after that near threat she gave him. And a few days they waited.

Haruko walked across the ramparts from the Commander’s office. Nothing out of the usual, just progress reports and a general check up on the men under her care. There was one mission where she was to establish contact in the Crest Wood. Seems like the town there was under siege by the undead. For what it was worth, she thought that maybe the leader of Redcliffe would be better suited for such a task. His town was attacked by hordes of undead before.

“Captain!” a soldier called out to her. Haruko continued to walk and let the soldier report. “Lady Josephine would like to go over possible uniforms for upcoming events.”

“This will have to wait till I am finished,” Haruko said. “Tell Josephine that I will speak with her in person about the uniforms, or even have Hal do it.”

“But Ser,” the man protested.

“Look, you might not understand this concept,” Haruko stopped walking and gave the poor soldier her full attention. “But I have some more important things to take care of. I will come back to this and discuss it when I am done with my previous engagements. Okay?”

The soldier nodded. Haruko nodded back and rushed through Solas’ room. Thank goodness the elf was gone. Masamune didn't exactly like him, and Haruko had mixed feelings. Animals were able to tell good character from bad. Haruko’s only issue with the mage was his lack of empathy when she first got here with Maeve. Since then he seemed rather knowledgeable. That being said Haruko did not stick around long with Masamune in tow. 

They made their way through the main hall and down yet another flight of stairs. Skyhold was a place that was rife with stairs. Up and down and up and down, it was madness. Hell, if she had to climb another set of stairs. Complaining would not change things. Trying to explain the concept of electricity would only confuse things. Haruko would have to deal. At least hills were a little easier to walk down than damned stairs. 

“I don't know how you do it boy,” Haruko muttered to her friend. The wolf said nothing. Instead he merely walked down with ease and waited for her at the base of the hill. The walk to the stables was relatively flat. In the stables, Haruko could see Blackwall tending to the fire he always had.

“Hey Blackwall!” Haruko called loudly. She didn't want to scare him this time. He looked up at her with a look of slight irritation.

“Wanna grab a drink?” Haruko then asked. The shock on his face was priceless. Haruko nearly grinned if it were not for the fact that she needed to get him to the tavern.

“After the conversation last we just had, you want to invite me for some drinks?” Blackwall asked incredulously. Haruko had to swallow her pride just this once in order to get him to go with her.

“I was a bit of an ass earlier,” Haruko admitted. The words felt bitter and irritating in her mouth. “I get over protective of my friends, and I wanted to apologize for that. Come on, I’ll buy.”

Blackwall hesitated. The wheels in his head were turning. Haruko knew he was going to be overly suspicious of her. He had every right to be. However, he kicked out his fire and walked towards her.

“I think I can accept a drink as an apology,” he said. Haruko had to keep herself from smirking. Was it this easy to fish her when they were planning against her and Commander Cullen? She’d have to work on her reading people skills later.

~

Dorian pushed a brick in the basement of Skyhold. There was a soft sound of stone against stone before a small entryway was revealed. Here was a secret library with old tomes and special books on history here. Dorian and Maeve had discovered this while they were organizing the books and looking for more space to shelf said books. Now only a select people know about this place and one of those people was Maeve. She sat in an old wooden chair that was most likely hand carved. There was a downcast look on her face as she sat there.

“Why not spend your free time with someone?” Dorian suggested as he walked up to her. Maeve looked up and put on a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

“I always enjoy spending time with you,” she replied.

“Good, I’ve been in the mood for a drink or two, but drinking by oneself is just not as fun,” Dorian said. Alcohol sounded great. Maeve could not remember the last time she drunk herself into a stupor. Right now her mind wanted to be numb. Her brain was only reminding her of her mess up with Blackwall and it did nothing for her current depression. Dorian walked with Maeve to the tavern, happily exchanging jokes and light conversation. The mage put a hand on the door and opened it for her.

“After you,” he said with the usual.

“Why Dorian, how kind of you,” Maeve said dramatically. She walked in with Dorian right behind her. They’d be here a while, so they ordered their drinks and headed to the familiar table in the corner. However, Maeve nearly dropped her drink when she saw who was sitting there. Haruko looked around at her and gave a wave at them. With her was Blackwall, already drinking a pint. 

“Oh hey! Our other guests,” Haruko said warmly. Blackwall looked just as shocked as Maeve did. Once he had regained some of his senses, his face turned into a hardened glare.

“Sweet Andraste, you set us up!” Blackwall snapped at her. Haruko gave as innocent shrug as she could make it.

“Now now, don't get too upset about this,” Dorian said.

“You,” Blackwall snarled out. Haruko was the one to put out a hand.

“This is no place to fight, not when it was not what we planned,” she explained seriously.  
“ _You_ planned this?!” Blackwall then turned his gaze back to her. Maeve was frozen in shock, utterly shocked at the current situation.

“Yes, I planned this. None of you were willing to talk to one another about this issue you two have,” Haruko said severely.

“I wouldn’t have said it like that,” Dorian said lightly. Haruko gave him a slight scowl. She then got up and looked to Maeve.

“You can yell at me later for this,” she said. “Try and talk. Both of you.”

Dorian then left with Haruko to the other side of the tavern. They would be out of sight, and give the illusion that they had left. Dorian and Haruko sat down at a different table.

“You think this will actually work? Blackwall won’t talk to either of us now that he knows we work together,” Haruko said as she took a sip of her drink.

“Both of them will thank us later for this,” the Mage said as he took a healthy drink of his drink.

“You’re not going to tell me that’s Dwarven Ale are you?” Haruko asked with a lightly disgusted look on her face. Dorian gave a wide grin while the disgust grew.

~

Maeve watched as the two best friends, now not best friends, walked away and left her with Blackwall. What was she supposed to talk about? Blackwall was clearly not as interested in friendship as Maeve was so how was this supposed to help? Damn her for talking to that Vint about her problems and damn the Captain of the Wolf Warriors for taking things into her own hands.

Blackwall was beside himself. His face was full of rage and shock and conflict. What was he supposed to do? Haruko had made it clear that it would be in the worst interest to hurt Maeve’s feelings more than he already had. But Maeve did not seem to understand him when he was so clearly against having a relationship with anyone in the Inquisition save for maybe the Inquisitor. There was a sigh that escaped his lips as he looked over at Maeve.

“Please…sit,” he said as politely. She watched as he offered a hand for her to sit in front of him. Maeve thought about leaving. To just walk away from this. But her legs did not listen and instead she found herself sitting before the man that she did not want to hurt any further than she already did. Silence fell between them. Maeve stared at her drink as did Blackwall.

“I…Haruko let me know that I may have been a little harsh with you,” Blackwall was the first to speak. Maeve was well aware that it was mostly her fault. Her actions with Blackwall were typical actions from her world. Sometimes she would forget that some things from her world were not socially acceptable or considered to be “too forward with affections.” 

“As a Grey Warden, we give up everything in service to this world,” he said. His face was downcast. 

“Then I need to apologize for the way I have been acting towards you,” Maeve said softly. “I just want to be me in this strange world…”

“That’s no reason to apologize for that,” Blackwall interrupted. Maeve was wide eyed, once again, with surprise. Blackwall seemed genuine about that statement, especially when this whole mess was her fault.

“You were forced into this position. There is no need for you to have to change who you are just because someone or something plucked you from your life unwillingly,” he said firmly. That statement warmed Maeve’s heart more than she realized it did. He was thinking about her feelings on the situation and thought that it was his fault for their current fall out. 

“I’m also…not exactly used to such bold actions,” he then admitted quietly. Maeve half wanted to laugh at him. There was a cuteness with his embarrassment. Haruko was right. All of this was over something very silly. Miscommunication.

“It’s fine,” Maeve then said with more happiness than she had in the last few weeks. Blackwall was the one at a loss for words.

“Really? That easily?” he asked. 

“I’m not one to hold a grudge over some miscommunication,” Maeve said simply.

“Oh…well that’s good…” Blackwall said with relief. He then looked around the stairs to see that Dorian and Haruko were watching from a far. 

~

“I think we have been spotted,” Dorian said to Haruko. The woman looked over and met Blackwall’s gaze. Her grin widened and she gave a wave at him. Alcohol did wonders to relax her mood. 

“I’m sure they will be fine. Maeve seems to look happier, don’t you think?” Haruko asked as she downed the last of her drink.

“I think you are correct,” the mage commented and took a hefty drink from his cup. “Another?”

“Another,” Haruko said with her glasses raised.

~

“I don’t see how you can stand to talk with those two,” Blackwall commented. Maeve had turned to see Haruko wave at them with a light smile on her face before turning back to Dorian and laughing.

“They happen to be the best friends I have here,” Maeve then said. “Also they happen to already be a little tipsy from the looks of it. Haruko would have never waved to you after the way she was talking to you.”

“I believe that,” he said and took a sip of his own drink. “I thought she might have cut off my head before I could explain anything.”

“No,” Maeve gasped and looked dreadfully worried. “That would ruin that perfectly grown beard of yours.”

“I do not think it would have matter to her as long as you were protected,” Blackwall added. This was a very true statement.

“And yet here we are, you with your head still attached,” Maeve then said with a grateful tone.

“I am glad for that,” Blackwall said. “It would make serving the Inquisition rather difficult.”

“You would have found a way, you still have that giant darkspawn magister to kill,” Maeve then said. Blackwall gave a nod as he took another sip of his drink. Maeve thought it might be best to start in on hers. There was no reason to waste good alcohol.

“How are you liking Skyhold so far?” she asked when he had finished his drink and she hers.

“If the fortifications are improving as planned, we’ll be able to stand up to Corypheus and whatever else he throws at us,” Blackwall answered simply. He seemed to be genuinely happy. However, that is not exactly what she meant.

“No, I mean, like are you living alright in it?” Maeve corrected. She wanted to make sure that he as comfortable here, considering how big this place was and how many people seem to be flocking here day by day. Blackwall seemed genuinely surprised by the question. 

“Oh, uh,” Blackwall looked confused. “It’s fine.”

Idle conversation did not seem his strong point. It wasn’t Maeve’s strong point when she was not completely sure on what to talk about. Blackwall was a Grey Warden, and they had exhausted most of what was already know. Maeve was from a different world all together but they pretty much exhausted that area, or satisfied Blackwall’s current curiousity about it. Finding a subject to comfortably talk about was difficult for both of them.

“Like are the stables comfortable enough?” Maeve clarified. “Do you have a decent place to sleep? Have you found any special spots?”

“I may have wandered in my time with the Grey Wardens, but I have not _wandered_ here,” he said in a poor attempt at a joke.

“This place is huge! There are so many interesting places you can find. If the stables make you happy, that’s fine, but I have a nice place to sleep and like seven other hide-aways,” Maeve exclaimed in excitement. Blackwall seemed to relax a little more, or enough to grant her a small smile. 

“I happen to like my current arrangements,” he said with content. He like the relative quiet he had. Coming away from the months of wandering alone to a place that was suddenly full of people was a big change. At least there was a place for him to get away from most of that. Maeve could understand needing a place to get away for a while.

“If you ever need to get away from those horses…” Maeve offered. Yes, she was being flirtatious on purpose. She could see Blackwall trying to gauge what her intent was by just the way she worded her question. Her status with Sera and the Iron Bull was not exactly a secret. At least the Iron Bull did not make it a huge secret.

“My lady, when you get to be about my age, curiousity is replaced with caution,” he said with a smile. Maeve could not help but smile back. The man was attempting to joke with her. Whether he attempted to flirt back was a mystery. For now, Maeve would like to think that maybe he was attempting to do such.

“This time it’s genuine. My other invitations are for consenting individuals only,” she added with a drink from her cup.

“Again, I thank you for the offer,” Blackwall said politely. “The stables are quite comfortable. I also have a convenient space to continue carving.”

“That’s…not a bad point. I wouldn't want all of those wood shavings giving me splinters,” Maeve then said. Their conversation fell a little and she looked down at her drink once more. What else was there to talk about? What they had going was good! It was a great start to something far better than what they started with.

“Have things been too much for you recently?” Blackwall then asked.

“I’m as okay as I’m going to get,” Maeve replied. “Although it is still very strange not having to take my medication every day.”

“You took medicine in your world?” Blackwall asked. He might not have understood what she meant, but he understood enough to know that she needed help with her anxiety. It was no well-kept secret that she had issues with such. The potion’s maker had a ready supply for only her. Most days she was fine, but some days she did not come out of her room. Usually Haruko would explain that she forgot to take the potion the night before because she was too exhausted to do anything else but sleep.

“Yeah,” Maeve said with a sigh. “It’s for this crazy anxiety I have. Panic attacks happened like two or three times a day. The healers here got me some good stuff that helps control it, but I can still feel it there…it makes it hard to focus some days.”

Blackwall could not exactly relate. Not personally. He had been so out of touch with human contact that he could hardly relate with most people here. Sera was the only one that had truly acted like another friend to him when they interacted. The best he could try and compare was to those that were plagued with past transgressions or maybe nightmares.

“Perhaps you will get better with time?” Blackwall suggested. That sounded worse out loud than in his head. 

“I’ve not met someone with that kind of problem before, so I might not be the best person to talk about it,” then added quickly. Maker’s balls, this was hard.

“Oh, sorry, you’re completely fine!” Maeve said. Her hands flew up in the hair to dismiss his comments. “Sometimes I just get a little carried away! I’m all right. Don’t worry your pretty little head about me!”

“If you ever need to talk or something…I mean…I am just in the stables,” Blackwall suggested. There was a part of him that looked like those words were force out of him. It was very clear that he did not want to reach out and make friend before, but now he was genuinely trying. Maeve appreciated that. She placed a careful hand on his and gave a smile to him.

“I appreciate it. Thank you,” Maeve said. His hand half jerked under hers. He looked like he was forcing himself to remain still while Maeve tried to make physical contact. Maeve started to think about Blackwall mentioning his job in the Grey Wardens. He had been out of contact with people for so long. Maybe that is why he was so uneasy with touch? Why did she not take that into account before?

“Well I was the one offering…” he said. The struggle to remain still was oh so evident in his voice. Maeve gave him a small pat on his hand before she took her hand away from his.

“It’s a very kind sentiment and I appreciate it,” she said with a confident smile. Everything needed to be taken in strides. For Maeve and Blackwall, those steps would also be the ones leading to new adventures.


	21. It's About Damn Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko was far from done thinking about that day. The time when the Commander and her were out making snowmen...having the best snowball fight...the closest their lips had ever came to a kiss. But her true feelings clashed with her practical mind. What was she to do?

Sharpening one’s combat skills was the same as sharpening one’s sword. Haruko had found that if she practiced by herself, she would have more time to think without over thinking. Part of her mind would be preoccupied with how to hold her sword, where to step, how to slash, and how much power to put into each swing. Whatever was left would focus on her problems at hand. For now, that meant her thoughts were nearly consumed with her problem with their Commander.

Their interactions had moved back to mere short conversations. Most of the time it was work. Where to patrol, deploy, or what needed improvement. Neither one remained around long enough for their conversations to move onto more friendly conversations. Not that she allowed for that to happen. Haruko would make sure to leave far before Commander Cullen could ask about the weather. It was rude on her part, but there was something that was far scarier than simple friendly conversation.

She had nearly kissed, KISSED the Commander of the Inquisition. He was her boss! That was the worst possible thing to do! People would look at her and think that she was grabbing for power. That was not at all what she was doing! Not only that, but he was a key advisor to the Inquisition. Being mere friends with him seemed just as much a dream as being in a relationship with him. Haruko struck out with a stab and held it there with her thoughts. 

Rank did not stop her before. Not even in Haven. Hell she had made it a point to not treat people based on their rank because they were people…so why was she using that as an excuse now? Haruko gave a few panting breaths as her sword lowered. If she did not allow rank to act as her shield against her fear, then where could this relationship go? She’d never actually been in a relationship before. Everything she wanted in a relationship was in fictional novels. Everything that she had personally experienced in a relationship was abusive and confrontational. Neither of these things matched up to what she was aware that could happen in a relationship…nothing of her personal experience she wanted to happen to Cullen. Haruko glanced over at Masamune, and he stared at her with an inquisitive look.

“What?!” she half snapped at him. His ears pricked forward at her as she spoke. There was nothing else to say except sigh heavily. To be honest, Haruko really never had a serious relationship with anyone. She’d given up on that part of her life really early on. When her parents had divorced, she’d given up everything for her family. She could care less of her biological mother. That bitch didn't care about her or her siblings. All she cared about was getting back at her father. But because of that, Haruko had dedicated every moment she had to protecting her siblings, which meant a lot of self-sacrifice on her part. No more clubs, no more outside activities, all dedicated to being that ever-present watch-dog waiting for their abusive master to get home. 

As a result, the very thought of a relationship twisted itself into feelings of unworthiness. She did not deserve such things. What had she done to truly deserve such happiness? She failed in protecting the people that were closest to her. So why should she be happy when those around her were not? Haruko took up her sword again and started swinging it around again. This time they were more wild and angry.

Nothing in life was that easy, it just wasn't. To have a relationship that actually worked? Preposterous. She was too busy with her current job, with saving the world of Thedas alongside others who wished the same thing. How could she be so selfish as to want something like that for herself… But…but the thought still remained with her. The memories of that almost kiss, the rolling around in the snow…they haunted her dreams…or rather blessed them. Some nights, they were wonderful adventures of happiness instead of the terror of her battles. They were dreams and fantasies best left in story books and remain in her dreams. She slashed again to her side and remained there.

_Why?!_ Haruko thought to herself.

“Why not just tell him?” a voice surprised her from behind. Haruko jumped and slashed her sword behind her out of instinct. There was no one there. She looked around carefully. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you. It is hard to remember you fear people behind,” the voice said again. Haruko looked to her side and saw Cole, the boy that warned them about the Templars in Haven. There had been a few moments when he would appear and speak with her, but only when she was consumed in her thoughts loud enough for him to hear her. So far, that was every day since her scouting trip with the Commander.

“Cole…not again,” Haruko said with a light plead.

“Demanding responsibilities place upon one’s self, they didn’t deserve this life, God why would you desert them now!” Cole said as though he did not hear her. “I didn’t protect them enough; they don’t see him as the great man I do. I don’t deserve that happiness.”

“You’re going to do that regardless if I tell you not to,” Haruko muttered angrily. The boy, or spirit, or whatever he was, would read her deeper thoughts that were not on the surface. This entire problem was just one giant mess and she did not even know where to begin. Apparently he did not either.

“It is…hard to ignore your thoughts when they are so loud,” Cole said innocently.

“How can…you know what, never mind,” Haruko said. Don’t get into an argument with a spirit person that’s lot in life was to help people. And by help people, that meant reading into personal thoughts and then disappearing without a trace or memory of Cole.

“The hurt is more, knots tangled into more knots, folding and twisting itself into something wrong,” Cole then said. His head cocked to the side as though he tried to figure out where to start. If only Haruko could help him leave her alone. 

“I want to help, but it would hurt if I pull,” he then said in near defeat.

“It’s not an easy fix, Cole,” Haruko said as she tried to concentrate on her practice. Just focus on the enemy in front, focus on your sword and where it will land. Use it to protect yourself and others. Focus and drown the world around you.

“But you want to heal. The anger, boiling, bubbling, searing until I cannot think, cannot breathe. It hurts me, hurts people around me, I don't want to be like that,” Cole then said. Haruko sighed heavily. She had to focus on something far louder so he would stop.

“You try to hide, but it is louder when you do,” Cole then said. Haruko growled in frustration and looked to Cole. Why couldn't he just leave her to her thoughts?

“Your head makes it worse,” Cole explained. “The problem is there, but it is not as big. The memories, the guess, they grow into something that you fear and then drown you.”

“That’s comforting,” Haruko muttered. 

“But you want. Lots of people want, but you don’t have a lot of want,” Cole then said. Haruko glanced at Cole and for the first time listened to him.

“Selfishness, greed, these are things _she_ is. This can’t be me. _Won’t_ be me. Help the helpless, self-sacrifice so others do not have to, prevent pain before it even happens,” he said. “Create happiness for others. That is what I do.”

Cole wasn’t wrong on those accounts. Haruko would not be like her mother, refused to do so.

“But is it enough? There was hurt, anger that boiled forward, crushed the softness the mercy, and the monster was there. That wasn’t me! That is not me! Unlearn, relearn, things I should already know,” Cole continued. The one fear. The thing she did not want to be was ever present no matter how much she wanted to dismiss it.

“Yelling, hating, hurting. Eighteen years of darkness. Scars no one sees, broken, battered, survived,” Cole continued.

“Enough, Cole…that’s…too much,” Haruko said. It was too much. Eighteen years of learning things that were incorrect. Eighteen years of abuse. Eighteen years of trying to protect her family only to utter fail.

“I’m sorry, it was the wrong string,” Cole said as he walked forward. He tilted his head from side to side like he was listening to many things. Haruko suspected that deep thinkers often annoyed him or distracted him from his mission to help people. 

“It doesn’t distract. I want to help,” Cole said simply. Haruko rolled her eyes at herself. There were many books with characters that had the ability to read minds. Often times they were depicted in comical or useful ways, but they would never truly understand someone who had that ability and those who suffered at its hand. Haruko wished this was a hilarious adventure. A funny dream that God gave her instead of it being the painful reality.

“You want stories, read, write, create. But…if you ask for it, it feels selfish, greedy,” Cole said. Haruko could not figure out if he meant the thoughts on her mind current or the previous about her fantasy relationship with the Commander.

“Fleeting, fading, flying, fictitious things. Happy things. But you have not had much happiness,” Cole said. Again his head rocked back and forth. This was the first time Haruko let him try to help her. There were too many knots, loud and angry thoughts, memories, things that would hurt if he tugged too hard. Can’t tug too hard, no uprooting, pulling, it would bleed more than his knife.

“That’s right, I’ve not had much happiness,” Haruko said and then went back to swinging her sword. 

“You make happiness for others, but thing happiness is not for you, I don’t understand,” Cole said in what she thought might be frustration. 

“Because…that’s complicated…” Haruko said as she took a step forward and thrust her sword.

“But everyone needs happiness. You were happy before. But it was short, for a moment before the hurt bled through,” Cole said. He might have referred to the moments when she was with her father, or with friends. Times when she forgot about the pain that cut her so deeply. But forgetting would make it worse. She had to learn, to move on and take the lessons to better herself. That was not an easy task, and certainly one that would not happen in just a day.

“Cole it is…me…it’s more complicated than just wanting to be happy,” Haruko then tried to explain. “Things happened, and I could not stop them from happening. I couldn’t save the people I held dear to me. For that I do not deserve happiness…”

“They cannot see him. The bright light of right and safe. One hates and despises, the other is unknowing, unaware. But I saw it, I said a thousand times, taught more,” Cole then said. Haruko’s heart ached far more than when they started. His head looked up and at her in apology.

“I tugged at that too hard again,” he said. Haruko gave a sigh. She knew Cole was trying to help and she wanted to let him help. Nothing heals unless you let it, and this was something that she had yet to let heal.

“What is it that brought you here, Cole? Surely it was not just my past,” Haruko asked. It was a question to get him away from her past.

“You were thinking of Cullen again,” Cole answered. Of course he would answer so plainly. “The times you talk, his warm smile, the happy fleeting feeling. Warmth, joy, enjoyment, words lost in feeling.”

Haruko new her face was reddening with each word. If anyone could tell her about her own feelings that she was running from it was Cole. The things she denied herself and the happiness that she was so scared of. 

“Why can’t you tell him?” he asked.

“You could find out that answer faster than I can tell it to you,” Haruko said.

“But talking helps,” Cole said. Damnit. This kid knew how to argue properly and he was not completely aware of it.

“It’s…complicated,” she repeated.

“You say it’s complicated, but it doesn’t seem that way,” Cole said.

“For you it might look that way but…matters of the heart are far more delicate,” Haruko said.

“Because old hurts make it scary? You don’t want to be a monster you feel lurking in your mind. There is no monster. You are you,” Cole said. Haruko had mixed feelings. There would always be that lurking fear. She knew that she had slipped before, knew that old habits came back with a raging passion before she could recognize it. She did not want to be her mother, did not want to hurt Cullen. That would surely destroy her like no other.

“You fear that he won’t like you, but that’s not true. I can tell you what he thinks,” Cole suggested. Haruko put up a hand and shook her head.

“No, Cole, that’s something private,” she said. Her sword was heavy in her hand as was her heart.

“I should tell him; I should talk to him. I’m a coward. Shaking, cowering, stupid selfish things I fear,” Cole said. His head was tilting back and forth again. Maybe she was thinking too much for him to get a true read.

“It’s all a tangled mess. You think you’re broken but it’s just not pieced together right,” Cole answered for her. “You have thoughts, many thoughts, worries, wonders. Tug on one string and many follow.”

He paced a bit. Haruko glanced down at Masamune who never took his eyes off of Cole. The poor wolf was wary of the boy and didn’t seem to like him much. 

“You want happiness, if people are happy then you are happy, but…longing for wanting, wanting, wanting…to be wanted. The children laughed and played and desired for fun. You gave that to them. They smile because of you,” Cole said as he turned to her and then walked to her. “The fear is not being wanted. That the smile you want to make isn't what he wants.”

“But he does smile,” Haruko found herself saying before she could stop herself.

“Yes, the talking makes him stop working. You make the smile, the break, but more. There is no Captain. There is no Commander,” Cole said. “You want that embrace the words describe. The feeling that no one can describe.”

“…Cole, it’s just not that simple,” Haruko then said. She was tired. Done. These things brought back to light only seemed to fuel her fears. She turned to walk away.

“I can ask,” Cole said. Haruko sighed and looked over her shoulder at the boy.

“It’s not something you have to do, Cole, it’s something I have to do…and I thank you for trying to help,” she said sadly. She then walked away from the spirit boy and down to the stables where the horses were. Animals made her feel better when her sword practice did not. They didn't talk or judge, they just simply were. Masamune followed behind her and even sat against her leg when they reached the fences. Haruko crossed her arms and lay them on the top of the fence. A foot rested on the lowest plank. 

Her sigh was heavy. Why couldn't she just talk to Cullen? Why couldn't she ask? Every time she thought about it, the anxiety nearly choked her. A rub from her leg brought her from her depressing thoughts and downward.

“I know…I’m being stupid,” Haruko said softly. The day did not improve as it went on. The training went well, her usual duties around Skyhold were not all that difficult, and nothing seemed to go wrong. It was her thoughts that continued to blow the situation more out of proportion than normal. Even as she returned to the room that Maeve and her shared, another heavy sigh escaped her lips. 

“You’ve been sighing a lot recently,” Maeve then said with a worried look on her face. Haruko looked to Maeve and shook her head. 

“It’s nothing,” she said softly, as though she were currently distracted.

“And I have watched Cole follow you around for the last week,” Maeve then said. Maeve was one of the few that usually remembered Cole. Both of them seemed to remember Cole far better than the rest of Skyhold due to their not being of Thedas. 

“Yeah…well…I have been thinking more recently… and as much as he wants to help I think he makes it worse,” Haruko said as she sat down. She looked exhausted, like the weight of the world was upon her shoulders.

“Sounds like we need to have a sit down, drinks?” Maeve suggested. Haruko hesitated about this. Maeve had been in a relationship before coming to Thedas against her will. She would have known how to do relationship things and even how to start them.

“I'd rather not talk when there are a bunch of people around,” Haruko said wearily.

“Oooooh?” Maeve said with a dramatic tone. She knew what this was going to be about. Maeve was the mastermind of the whole bringing Cullen and Haruko together. But she had to play the innocent one. Haruko gave her a scowl and Maeve only grinned. The woman would be the death of her. But if she did not talk this out, the worrying would surely kill her.

“Look I know this is going to sound really dumb, but how do you relationship?” Haruko finally asked. Maeve laughed out loud. Haruko knew she shouldn't has asked. All she was going to get was more teasing and nothing that would actually help. However, Maeve thought it was just so cute how her friend was acting. Her friend was never the one to shy away from a challenge. Rather, Haruko would be the first to meet up with said challenge with her sword and shield raised. Seeing her shrink back and cower from something like this was just too adorable for words.

“That depends,” Maeve said. “How about you start from the beginning?”

Now Maeve was being a tease. She knew exactly what was going on from start to finish. She was the one that started this whole thing! Yet Haruko found herself sitting down and thinking it over like she had done so many times before.

“You know exactly what I am talking about,” Haruko snapped. Maeve remained silent and Haruko sighed in frustration. A hand ran through her hair as she thought of what else to say.

“I can’t…I can’t stop thinking about that scouting trip with Cullen,” she said. Normally she would have placed his title out there but she couldn't. Not when she did not think of him as a Commander in this situation.

“So something did happen,” Maeve said with sass in her tone. Haruko’s face may have flushed the reddest it has ever been but the glare did not match the same shade.

“No, nothing happened, not like things happen with you and Bull or Sera,” Haruko snapped. Maeve giggled a little and Haruko thought about just walking away from this conversation.

“No…Dorian and I talked…about feelings…feelings I had for Commander Cullen beforehand…and then Cullen asks me out on a scouting trip…it was nice, we talked, and had a great time,” Haruko explained. “But…we nearly kissed and…I was the one that refused to continue and ran off like a dumb idiot! I probably hurt his feelings, and yet…I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

Haruko wanted to hide her face in shame. Talking about this out loud with her best friend, who was merciless with teasing, was nearly too much. Maeve watched as Haruko covered her face with her hands and hide from what she thought might be the worst thing in the world.

“First off, you most definitely deserve it, if you want it,” Maeve started out. “You’ve worked so hard. It’s high time you get a reward.”

Haruko peeked out from behind her hands. There was no way she deserved this. Cullen did not deserve to be with someone that knew nothing about romance. Her languages were English, some Japanese, and Sarcasm. There was not one romantic bone in her body to speak of.

“But that’s the next question,” Maeve said as her face fell from the Cheshire Cat grin to a serious look. “Do you want it? Would you be interested in a relationship with Cullen?”

Haruko’s face turned pale. She was conflicted with the question and terrified of it. Her heart screamed YES, but her mind said NO. He was the commander and she was but a mere captain. She wasn't of this world! Knew very little about the customs and culture! More than that…she was terrified of him rejecting her.

“…I don’t know,” Haruko finally said. “He’s the Commander, and I’m nothing but a captain…”

Maeve held a hand up to stop Haruko from saying another word.

“That doesn’t matter,” she said. “Can you imagine yourself happy with him?”

Haruko closed her mouth, crossing her arms and looked away. Her happiness was worth very little in comparison to the lives she served. But that was not the question that Maeve or Cole had proposed to her. Did she want to be happy with Cullen? What if she ended up like her biological parents? What if he didn't want her? What if things go wrong? The “what ifs” were far scarier than any foe she had faced before.

“I don’t know relationships Maeve,” Haruko barely above a whisper. “I…I don’t know how to handle this…I really don’t. I’m terrified that I’m going to turn into a monster as soon as I get into a relationship, and he doesn't deserve that…I want to try but I also don’t want to hurt him…It’s so frustrating, and I don’t know what to do with myself…I’m so pathetic…”

“Hey now,” Maeve said. Haruko looked like she was ready to cry from the fear of it all. So Maeve got up and walked to her side. She placed a soothing hand on her friend’s shoulder and rubbed back and forth.

“You don’t know that for sure. You can’t predict the future, silly. First relationships are hard. They take a lot of trust and communication. You both would need to be open to talking things out together. I highly doubt he knows what he’s doing too,” Maeve then said calmly. She then thought about all the failed relationships she had during high school. It wasn't until her last boyfriend in their world that she really had any idea of what to do. 

“But these emotions…it feels like I’m drowning in anxiety…but at the same time I want to be with Cullen as much as I can…but I can’t get the courage to go up and say “hey would you be my boyfriend?” It’s just not as easy as that,” Haruko blurted out in frustration.

“You’re right, it’s not easy. It’s absolutely terrifying. But do you want to be left wondering for the rest of your life?” Maeve asked. Haruko could feel her own body quiver with the fear of it all. But she thought, she thought of Maeve’s question. Did she want to spend the rest of her life not knowing what could have been? Haruko had the resolve enough to figure out that there are no regrets in life, but mistakes and successes that give lessons that make you who you were. Maybe this was one of those times.

“…No I don’t…” Haruko finally said with shaky breath. Maeve gave another rub on her shoulder to ground her friend. Haruko looked too terrified for words and it worried her.

“It’s probably going to be the most terrifying moment of your life,” Maeve said gently as possible. “But what’s the worst that can happen? He can reject you kindly, because that’s who he is, and we figure things out again.”

That was the worst part. Haruko didn't want to be reject by him, not at all, but how else was she going to get a yes? She just couldn't just stand here wallowing in “what ifs” she had to go out and ask. 

“Thanks…I think…I think I’ll go ask him…somehow…” Haruko said with a slight glance to Maeve. “But…if I come back and hole myself up in my bed for a week or two…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there to kick some ass. If you need any more help, you know where to find me,” she said calmly. Maeve knew the two of them were the perfect match. No one in the world had possibly looked as cute together as those two did. And the mere fact that Cullen had come to discuss what was going on before Haruko even had this conversation made Maeve absolutely sure that they were good for each other. The only hope that she had was that Haruko could figure out her own feelings.

~

Haruko stood outside on the walkway to Cullen’s office. She’d been standing there, pacing back and forth for fifteen minutes now. It had been another three days since her initial talk with Maeve and she still could not gain the courage to talk. She’d lost how many times she walked to the door and hovered over the door handle only to walk away because she was too scared.  
_Go open the damn door and quit being a baby!_ Haruko thought to herself. Masamune had been a loyal enough friend to follow her every step forward and backward. He was the only friend that did not make fun of her for her fears. Once again he walked with her to the door and watched as her hand went to the handle. She made progress and actually closed her fingers around it. There was a slight shake, her she took a wavering breath.

“Okay…it will be okay…” She muttered to herself. Haruko summoned forth the last reserves of courage that she had built and pushed on the door. However, it got away from her and she nearly ran into a fellow soldier.

“Whoa!” Haruko exclaimed and jumped back a foot or maybe two. Her soul had definitely went to the clouds and back. The soldier looked just as surprised but gave a slight bow of his head in recognition. 

“Ser,” the soldier said politely and then walked around her. Haruko could feel her cheeks were heating up with embarrassment and all the courage she had was now replaced with shame. All she wanted to do was walk back to her room and hide underneath her covers and never come out again. Masamune took this opportunity to visit his second favorite person in Skyhold. Maeve was only third because she smelled like that cat that hated him.

“Masamune?” Commander Cullen’s voice asked in confusion. Haruko slowly peeked around the door frame and saw her canine friend try to jump up on Cullen. A small scowl appeared on her face.

_So much for being a friend_ Haruko thought to herself.

“And let me guess, Haruko is right behind you?” he asked. Haruko made it a point to come out of her hiding spot and try to look as normal as possible.

“That scoundrel…you’d think he never got attention every day,” she tried to joke lightly. The Commander gave a small chuckle and gave Masamune his deserved pat on the head and even an added scratch on the ear. If only he knew what he succeeded in.

“Is there something you needed?” he asked kindly. Haruko nearly flinched at the question. Why? Why could she not speak to this man as she normally did before all of this? 

“Um…I think we need to talk…” Haruko managed to get out in a soft voice. The hand that pat Masamune slowed to a stop and the wolf nudged it in protest. The Commander watched as Haruko tugged at the loose fabric that was pulled from under the leather vambraces she wore. It was obvious that she was very nervous about talking with him.

“Is something wrong?” he asked gently.

“No!” Haruko answered quickly. The Commander’s reaction was one of surprise and then worry. God she was messing this up horribly. This was not at all how she planned it to go. It was to be an easy conversation with her telling him her feelings and then move on from there. Yeah that.

“No…nothing’s wrong it’s…you want to go for a walk?” Haruko defaulted to. Why would she ask that?! They needed to talk in private. A place with closed doors around them and no patrolling soldiers to interrupt them. 

“Sure,” Cullen said and then motioned to the door to her right, his left. Haruko followed with her eyes down at her feet. Never in her life would she thought she would spend this much time analyzing the scuff marks on her boots. Every so often she could see Cullen’s boot come into view. The only sound between them was the sound of their foot falls and the occasional click of Masamune’s claws against the stone. It seemed like ages before they were on the opposite end of Skyhold and Cullen’s office.

“It’s a…a nice day,” the Commander tried to strike up a conversation that she was supposed to initiate.

_Way to go Haruko_ she thought to herself. Now she was looking out to the landscape and trying to find her voice once more. Surely her face was red and the shake in her hands had slowly spread to the rest of her body. Damnit, why was she so pathetic?

“There was something you wished to discuss?” the Commander then said to her. Yes! There was so much she wanted to talk about! So many words that went over in her head over and over and over again but when she opened her mouth to speak her voice disappeared. Again, she tore at her sleeve that was loose on her right arm. 

_Just turn and face him!_ She thought but her body merely froze.

“Well…I…” Haruko tried but her voice disappeared again. Why?! It was so irritating how frozen she was! She’d been on the battlefield! Killed men and women in order to protect the people of Thedas and faced down demons and worse! And yet this man took her voice and words from her far faster than any blow from an enemy had. She spared him a side glance and then looked away just as quickly. There was a burning blush that probably reached all the way to her ears. Finally, she found a decent rock to stare at in front of her so that Cullen might hear her.

“It’s just…I like hanging out with you. That’s not what I meant…I meant that I want to hang out with you more often…that’s not it!” Haruko suddenly blurted out. Her hands made fists as her words suddenly found their way back and everything she wanted to say just came out as a jumbled mess. She did not dare to look at his face, to see the look of disappointment or disgust in her cowardice.

“Look…I know that you are the Commander and I’m just a captain…” she said more as a prayer to the damned air with her eyes shut tight. “But…but if there is any chance…that…that maybe…w-we could…I mean…I-if that’s…”

Words fell short, meaning might have been lost and Haruko was thoroughly embarrassed. This was a stupid venture, a stupid thing to hope for. How could a Commander of the Inquisition hope to even find feelings for a woman who could to stand up straight and tell him how she felt about him? It was all stupid, stupid, stupid. Instead, there was a hand on her shoulder and Haruko looked at him. His face was soft and caring. There was a soft smile that graced his fine features. It even seemed to stretch because of the scar on the right side of his upper lip. There was a gentleness in his hazel eyes that made her unable to look away.

“For what it’s worth, I feel the same way,” he said softly. Haruko’s eyes widened with surprise and her face turned the same shade as his red clothes. Did he just say he had the same feelings? That he desired the same thing she did? There was a lot of things she tried to say but could not say them.

“At the behest of your friend, I took you out on that scouting trip…and from that moment…I realized you were more to me than just a comrade in arms,” he said simply. There were no words that Haruko could say. Cullen had said things that had the same meaning she wanted to convey. But he was the one that was able to convey them far quicker and with more clarity than she could. Haruko thought that perhaps her heart burst from her chest with happiness. The initial shock was starting to wear off and she found that she could give the same slight smile in return. 

“A-and…I was an idiot…I…I was a coward…and I thought…I thought I hurt you,” Haruko admitted in a slight whisper. Cullen was the one to shake his head.

“You were not ready,” he said gently. Haruko managed to look away from his gentle gaze. There was no way in the world that she was so deserving of someone like Cullen, not when she was a complete and utter fool. But a hand cupped her cheek softly and her gaze returned to his.

“There are few things in this world I have ever wanted…it is worth waiting,” he said. Haruko could see the distance close between them, could feel his presence getting closer. She would not shy from his touch, not this time. This was something she wanted. If there was happiness with Cullen, then she would walk that journey with every step. If she wanted this, if she wanted her own story of romance, then she would create that story with Cullen.

“Commander,” someone said. Haruko’s eyes snapped open and embarrassment set in far faster than it ever did before. If she could die right now that would have saved the shame that seemed to well up. Her entire face was red, and she looked away from Cullen as he pulled back. He was far more irritated with the interruption while she was embarrassed for the both of them.

“You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana’s report,” the voice said. The poor soul, a man, did not know what wrath was about to rain down upon him. Haruko could feel Cullen move away from her while she looked in the other direction, and found Masamune sitting there with his head tilted to the side in sweet innocence far more interesting.

“What?” Cullen growled loudly in anger.

“Sister Leliana’s report?” the soldier reminded simply. “You wanted it delivered without delay.”

Cullen glared at him. Was this boy that daft? Maker’s breath, could a man get a moment’s piece? It took a moment for the soldier to look behind Cullen to see a very embarrassed Haruko and then back at the angry Commander’s face. Realization hit and he slowly took a few steps back.

“To your office! Right,” the soldier said and made the fastest exit in history. Why? Haruko just wanted life to be kind to her, just this once. But it was not to be. Cullen’s job was a very important one, and she was acutely aware of that fact. This would just have to wait, maybe when hell froze over or something close to it.

“If you have to get-“ Haruko turned to speak to Cullen, to let him know it was okay to leave but her words were cut short. Not by her embarrassment. Not by fear. No, they were stopped by his lips on hers. Whatever she wanted to say disappeared with as surprise replaced it. Slowly that surprised turned into something else. Something nice. Like a dream that finally came true. Relief, happiness, joy, giddiness, too many words that represent happy and relieved and yet not enough to describe the feeling that swam through Haruko. It was nothing but a simple kiss, and yet she was completely fine staying that way. As far as these two were concerned, the problems and the time of this world had completely stopped. And yet it had not. Cullen was the one to slowly pull away but just enough to look at her face.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a slightly apologetic look. “Uh…that was...really nice…”

It was far more than nice. Haruko had no words to describe or to say. She could only look at him in awe of what just happened. But she did have her voice and this feeling could not be contained too much longer.

“D-Don't apologize,” Haruko stammered out. Cullen looked taken aback but it eased into a relieved smile.

“Oh?” he asked. The smile did not fade, and spread to Haruko as her arms found themselves around his waist. There was such a thing as feeling too happy. Too joyous, too elated. Cullen’s hand rested on her waist and the other at her shoulder. Their foreheads touched and their eyes closed. Finally, this awkwardness was gone and replaced with something far more wonderful. There were a few more breaths, a moment of pure bliss to set in before their lips met again. They took their time with this one. No interruptions. No breaks. An eternity to enjoy one another in such a simple action. But time was not going to wait for them. Both of them pulled from one another and Cullen stepped back. The only thing he did not let go was her hand in his.

“…then it is official?” Haruko asked. Cullen looked at her and gave yet another smile at her.

“I’d like that,” Cullen said softly. Haruko could not help but let her own small smile turn into a giddy grin. There was nothing that could crush her world today and possibly for the rest of forever. This was the most joyous moment in her life. It bubbled forth and she could not contain herself.

“I hope you’ll stop by more often now,” Cullen said with a light tease as they walked back to his office. Haruko looked over at him with that same smile on her face.

“Someone has to make sure you take a break every now and then,” she replied. That was the Haruko that Cullen remembered. Not the timid and shy Haruko that avoided his look, his presence. The witty and happy Haruko that enjoyed talking to him as a man and not because he was a Commander. That was what he missed the most in the days he waited.

“I look forward to it,” Cullen said with a chuckle. Haruko didn’t want to go. They had made a break through and there was so much to catch up on. Cullen did not want to let her go, not when they had just made progress in this new relationship of theirs. But there was always tomorrow. And the day after, and the next. Even as they entered his office, there was the desire to just stay together, but life would not allow it. Damned reports and damned job. Haruko walked to the exit, and Cullen walked with her.

“Till next time,” Haruko said at him. Cullen gave her a nod and gave her a lingering smile as they turned from each other. The door closed behind her with a slight click and Haruko could not help but jump in the air and throw her fists to the heavens in victory. Things were far better now! She overcame the crippling fear of actually finding happiness of her own. She was able to convey in such a messy way but Cullen was able to understand what she was getting at. Now they were together as a couple and there was a new adventure just on the horizon.

“I did it Masamune! I did it!” she said to her best friend. The wolf wagged his tail happily and danced around his elated pack leader. The two of them ran off to Haruko’s post and met their duties with far more enthusiasm. The day went by far too fast and the evening soon descended upon Skyhold. Nothing could remove the giddy smile on her face, not even as she put away the equipment from the day.

“Dancing, jumping, drowning in happiness,” a voice said from the darkness. “He said yes! He said yes!”

“He did say yes!” Haruko said as she turned to see Cole there. Her smile was just as wide as when Cullen kissed her. Out of happiness, or joy, or everything good in the world, she gave Cole a huge hug. The poor boy was completely unaware of what to do in this situation.

“And here I thought I might have to drag you from your work,” Maeve’s voice came from behind her. Haruko pulled away from Cole and smiled brightly at her best friend. Maeve knew exactly what happened just by the elated look on Haruko’s face.

“Didn't I tell you it would work out?” she asked. Haruko ran over and nearly picked Maeve up to twirl her. 

“He said yes! He said yes!’ Haruko said over and over again. There was too much joy, and no way to properly express herself. Maeve couldn't help but laugh with her friend as the sun disappeared from sight. The light might have gone but the feelings remained. Nothing would dampen Haruko’s mood, not when the world was so right.


	22. Just Keep Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Haruko finally with the Commander, Maeve now turns her attention to her own love life. Well, romantic love life. Blackwall was a decent friend, a good friend, but Maeve wanted so much more than that...but after what happen last time she came on too strong...the fear of pushing him away was nearly drowning her.

Things in Skyhold seemed to go smoother now that the Commander and Haruko had finally told each other their feelings. A positive energy seemed fall over the soldiers at the most. They, after all, reported directly to the Commander at times and his own outlook would affect them. Haruko’s men had never seen her so energetic and positive. Naturally she was such, but not on this level. Maeve, of course, had seen Haruko elated before such as the time that she was accepted to go to Japan for the second time in a row. However, actually getting a boyfriend seemed to lift Haruko’s spirits just a level above that sort of joy. Maeve would constantly tease her about it. The glances back to the Commander’s office, the occasional stare into the distance, or even a content smile that seemed permanently stuck to her face. Haruko had nothing else to hide behind, and that made the embarrassed look on her face more enjoyable. But even then, there was a stab of pain in Maeve’s heart every time Haruko’s relationship was brought up. 

Maeve’s last boyfriend was the one relationship that she really wanted to work out. Couples usually had their ups and downs, as they usually did, but there was no one that Maeve would have wanted to be with more. But now that she was whisked away to a fairytale land, could she really hang on to that relationship? Haruko still hoped that she might be able to return, even in this new relationship, she wanted to be able to find a way to return to at least let everyone know about their well-being. As far as returning permanently, Maeve could not speak for Haruko. They had not had that conversation since Haven, and Haruko never brought it up. Maeve on the other hand, did not want to return.

This place felt like a chance to start her own life from the beginning. There were no abusers here to haggle her, there was no one here from her past life to guilt her and shame her, there was only good friends and a chance to help the world. Sure, there was killing, there were assassinations, and there were things that she did not agree with, but she had a hand in shaping the outcome. She was useful, able to defend herself far more than she ever could back in their old world. So why return? The only thing that plagued her was the constant guilt that Haruko could not return, or her last boyfriend would forever wonder if she was dead or alive. That sort of closure was something that guilted her.

The more Maeve thought of her last boyfriend, the more she started to regret her current situation. She had two people she slept with openly. Sera was such a lively woman and made life far more interesting than any other person here in Thedas. The Iron Bull was…and adventure. There was never a day or two that she would not walk funny afterwards. It was felt like she was the worst person in the world to sleep around while she was still in a relationship. Yet that relationship was not going anywhere. Her boyfriend was not here, and there was no hope to return. So why dwell on it? It was the closure, the fact that there was no official way to say they were done other than life giving her the biggest middle finger of her life. That was what killed her.

If Maeve thought about this as a great reset on her life, then her romance would have to start from the beginning too. So far she had lived this life as she desired it. If she thought too much, her anxiety would catch up with her and suffocate her. Thus her thoughts often wandered to Blackwall. Sure, he had a slight resemblance to her last boyfriend, if not just the face full of beard, but there were other qualities that she saw in him. He was committed to the Inquisition and what it stood for. He wanted justice for every man and woman that walked through their doors. He often advised the soldiers to better themselves from what they currently were. It helped that Blackwall was a Grey Warden and a source of that inspiration for the soldiers. Despite his hermit like nature, there was a kind heart that beat in his chest. He worried, cared, and felt as any good mannered human being would.

Haruko and Dorian were the ones that helped her repair her current interest in Blackwall. Forever Maeve would be grateful. Both of them genuinely cared for her like a friend and the three of them seemed to form a close friendship of oddities. Maeve was the easily frightened assassin, Dorian the mage from Tevinter who actually wanted to save the world and not ruin it, and then Haruko the soldier with the heart of a scholar under all of that armour. Currently, Maeve stole Dorian’s chair once more and cuddled with Spock with her gaze off into nowhere. Dorian was going over some older tomes that came in. He gave her a small glance then his eyes went back to the sentence he was working on.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were thinking too much,” Dorian said with a light tease in his voice. Maeve broke her gaze and gave a little giggle.

“Oh Dorian, I’m not like Haruko,” Maeve said with an amused look on her face. 

“Some things you share in common. For example, when there is a problem, usually personal, you both internalize it, thinking too hard on the subject then exploding into an emotional mess,” Dorian said as though it were fact. Which it totally was but that was not the point.

“Why would you have to be such a know-it-all?” Maeve grumbled as she wrinkled her nose at him.

“Because I am right, and I am always right,” Dorian said as he looked at her with that usual confident smile on his face. Maeve stuck her tongue out at him in a rather childish way. Spock gave a light whine in protest when Maeve shifted in Dorian’s seat. “What’s stewing in that pretty little head of yours?” Dorian asked as he closed the ancient tome in one hand. Maeve was silent. What was the best way to answer him? She gave Spock a few pats on the head before she sat up straight to answer Dorian.

“Have you ever been in love?” Maeve asked. Those were dangerous words and her phrasing was terrible. She only realized her mistake as his grin widened. 

“Besides yourself,” Maeve answered quicker than Dorian could give his quip. 

“As much as I want this conversation to be about me, I believe I asked what was in that pretty little head of yours,” Dorian said as he added emphasis with a poke to her forehead. “I doubt that is the question that is in there.”

Maeve scrunched her face up into a scowl. There was no need for him to do that. With her free hand, she rubbed her spot where he poked her.

“Yes it is,” she said defiantly.

“It has something to do with the man that has taken up residence in the stables, does it not?” Dorian then asked as he evaded her previous question. Maeve did not embarrass easily when it came to talking about romance, and yet since it was Blackwall _and_ her current crush she could feel heat raise to her cheeks.

“No…” Maeve denied blatantly. “Not really…I don’t think so.”

“You're a very convincing liar,” Dorian commented and Maeve scowled at him.

“Oh whatever! Boys are dumb!” she snapped. Why did she even indulge Dorian? He was only going to tease her, and mercilessly at that!

“All of them except for me I would imagine,” Dorian then said.

“You’re a very special one though,” she added to his comment.

“Yes, very special…I believe the word is…man, yes that’s it, I’m not a boy, I’m a man,” Dorian said with a slight laugh. Maeve rolled her eyes at the mage. There was no way to get an insult to him, even if she was only teasing. Just once though she wished he wasn't so adept at evading.

“And that’s why you’re the only one for me,” Maeve pointed out. “If only you would return my love.”

“Ah, but there’s the problem,” Dorian started. “You’re not truly looking for my affections.”

“I already have your affections; I don’t need to look anymore,” Maeve said with a slight sly look. Dorian gave her a raised eyebrow in return.

“Is that so? I could have sworn it was someone else,” Dorian said and then placed a finger to his chin in thought. “That’s right, Haruko and I had worked very hard to get you two to at least talk to one another after that first fight. And even on that day you two seemed to awkwardly enjoy each other’s company.”

“Oh we’re talking about Blackwall now, aren’t we?” Maeve asked for mocked clarification. She knew that she was in Dorian’s trap. He was ruthless in his pursuit for the truth and even more so when it came to his friends. She would know, she planned him to talk with Haruko before about romance.

“Now you are trying to be coy,” Dorian pointed out.

“Am I?” Maeve asked.

“Now now, no more avoiding the situation,” he scolded lightly. “Why else would you ask me about matters of the heart? And why be so shy about it?”

“I don’t knooooooow,” Maeve said with a frustrated huff of air. “It’s like being a child again. ‘Does he like me? What would happen? What if…?’ And he sends off so many mixed signals! Is he just honorable? Too honorable? I don’t even know!”

Spock had had enough of this bouncing around. It was ruining her afternoon nap. The cat crawled her way out of Maeve’s arms and onto the floor. Poor thing, all it wanted to do was sleep and these two humans were interrupting it. Time to find some window sill with a decent amount of sun on it.

“I probably just sound so silly to you,” Maeve muttered. This was no different than Haruko’s previous situation. The only thing that seemed to be different was she made it a point to talk to Blackwall and spend time with him. Now she was the one tripping on words and desires so as not to mess a good thing up. 

“And what would happen if you spoke with the man in question? I believe that was the same advice you gave to your friend, Haruko,” Dorian pointed out. Of course he would, he never wasted an opportunity to jab.

“What would I say? ‘You’re pretty, I’m pretty, wanna sleep together romantically?’ how about no,” Maeve said with a laugh to mock her current mood.

“Considering it worked on two other people?” Dorian pointed out. Maeve gave a glowering look at Dorian and he held his hands up in defeat. 

“Fine, I see your point. But that isn’t what I meant.”

“At least those two were willing to give back what I dished out. With Blackwall it’s…one sided,” Maeve then said. She was the one doing most of the conversations. She was the one that sought out his attention. Blackwall had yet to look for her for just a friendly conversation. Hell, he’d talked to Sera far more than Maeve!

“How do you know it is one sided? What if there is something he’s protecting you from?” Dorian then asked. Maeve took in that one question and thought about it. It was possible there was something out there that Blackwall was not willing to tell her. There were assassins, dark secrets, things that were best kept hidden. She would know, that was her job as an assassin or scout. But that didn't account for the fact that if he was interested, wouldn’t he try to make contact at some point? Show some interest?

“I guess that would explain a little bit. But there should still be that courtesy there, like,” Maeve started then thought about how to best explain it. “I can see that you like me, but I’m going to kindly reject you,’ instead of the whole ‘you better go. I’m being very stoic today.’”

Dorian laughed at Maeve impression of Blackwall. It was almost spot on, and very hilarious to listen and watch the hand gestures.

“I might not agree with the man on many things, proper hygiene being one of the many, but there are some things a man, or a woman, would keep hidden if pressed. Why not try and ask him?” Dorian suggested. But that was the entire point. Maeve had been the one to start the communication and that’s it. If she left it alone, they would become nothing more than strangers within a year. Communication was about two people meeting in the middle, not one carrying the other. 

“Well, maybe he should ask me for help and stop trying to figure it out himself,” Maeve replied as she slouched in Dorian’s chair to pout.

“If the world were that simple, I doubt we would be having this conversation,” Dorian brought up.

“Or I would be having it with you anyway because I’m dramatic and I need your attention,” Maeve whined at him as she crossed her arms to look even more childish. Dorian gave a chuckle at her ridiculous behavior.

“Everyone needs my attention,” Dorian said with a devious grin.

“But I need it the most!” Maeve implored.

“As much as I would like to continue this witty banter, I would have to disagree with you,” he said. The mage then opened up the tome that was still in his hand. 

“Who’s more important than me around here?” Maeve asked dramatically. Dorian did not turn around, as he had work to do.

“If you have to ask me that, then you still need to search your feelings for the answer,” Dorian said. He didn't want to say it out loud. Maeve needed to realize that the one person that might be more important to her than him was Blackwall, and stop using Dorian and herself as an excuse to run away from that thought. He could easily see that Maeve was starting to develop feelings for the man and needed to come to terms with it. If it came down to it, he might have to seek out Haruko for her aid. That is, when the Wolf Warrior captain returned from the Fallow Mires.

~

The sun had never felt so good. Haruko sat on top of a very tired Yakul. Both of them were covered in mud and yuck from the Fallow Mire. It didn’t matter if it rained, if they stopped to try and clean themselves off, it would on be replaced by more muck. Haruko could not wait for a long bath and some rest in a dry and warm bed for once. There was no rain, no moisture here…hell she would have gladly gone to the Storm Coast instead of the Fallow Mire. Sure there was rain there, and the ocean, but the undead…it was far worse there than in Crestwood. Her men were equally as tired. They hunched on their mounts, and walked wearily through the gates of Skyhold.

“Those that can, help the injured to the infirmary,” Haruko said wearily. Her soldiers nodded at her and then dispersed. Masamune weaved his tired way through the crowd of people and horses to get to Yakul’s side. The poor Hart hung his head low with the weariness. Masamune sniffed at his friend’s nose before he looked toward the main hill. Haruko did not notice, but instead sat there to breath. Maeve was the person that Masamune saw.

The woman saw Haruko in such a weary state and looked concerned. She made her way slowly toward Haruko. When she got close to Yakul, she placed a caring hand on his snout and looked up at her friend. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she wanted to rest.

“Tough mission?” Maeve asked. Haruko stirred and opened her exhausted eyes to look at Maeve. They were beyond exhausted, if there was a word for it. A small sigh escaped her lips and the smallest of nods followed.

“I think the Walking Dead could learn a thing or two about real zombies…” Haruko jested. That was a good sign. If she had energy to joke, then she had the energy to make it back to bed.

“How many were there?”

“A hoard…and damned if you ever walked in the water…ten more would show up,” Haruko muttered. Instead of a proper dismount, Haruko nearly fell out of Yakul’s saddle. All three of them needed a warm bath and proper rest. Haruko leaned against Yakul for a moment before she found her feet.

“It’s good to be on solid ground again,” she whispered with her eyes closed.

“You should probably get that grim off…is that…you got hit in the head with something didn't you?” Maeve asked. She must have referred to the bandages wrapped around her head. 

“I got knocked to the ground by one of the Avvar warriors…I got slammed into the ground by a two handed hammer to the shield…I have to see to the smithee to straighten it out,” Haruko said. A stable hand came up and waited for Haruko to hand the reins off to him. Maeve expected her to just wave him off as was expected, but she instead handed the boy the reins.

“Make sure he gets a really good bath and brush down,” Haruko said softly.

“Ser,” the boy said. Yakul happily followed with his head still hung low. It was almost like he was too weak to hold those massive antlers on his head. 

“How were things while I was gone?” Haruko asked. Maeve gave the basic run down. Nothing unusual, a couple of intel missions, a drinking party with Bull every now and again, or an occasional reading with Dorian. There was this one time that she lost a book that Cassandra had lent her and that was quite the adventure. Haruko gave a weak laugh after that story.

“Sounds like fun,” Haruko said as they walked up the hill. She stumbled a bit and Maeve nearly had to catch her. 

“Maybe you should get to bed,” Maeve suggested with a look of worry. Haruko held out a hand to steady herself and then gave a slight shake of her head.

“I still have to do a follow-up report, feed and bathe Masamune…and then the schedule for tomorrow needs to get done,” Haruko listed what she could off the top of her head. Maeve then placed a firm hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“I. Think. You. Need. To. Sleep,” Maeve emphasized every word.

“Okay okay,” Haruko said with a lazy smile. Maeve shook her head. First thing was first, a warm bath. The grim, sweat, and muck needed to be washed away before she got anywhere near a bed. So the two of them walked to the baths. Maeve got the hot water ready while Haruko struggled to get her armour off. Was evident that she was too exhausted as she struggled to get the belts that held her armour on.

“Here, let me help you,” Maeve said. Haruko gave a pained expression. There was not time that Haruko asked for help. But now was not the time to argue with Maeve, even if she had the energy to do so. Maeve helped get the heavy armour off of her friend.

“I don’t know how you wear this all the time…it’s too heavy,” Maeve said as she set down the chest plate down on an adjacent bench.

“It keeps me safe…sort of…could do without some of the bruises,” Haruko said as a weary joke. Maeve gave a half chuckle and then waited for Haruko to pull over her chainmail. It wasn’t as heavy as the steel but it still weighed more than she was willing to wear. This was for Haruko’s safety on the field. 

“It must be terribly hot under all of this clothing…you sure you are used to it?” Maeve asked in friendly concern.

“I am grateful for it when we go to some place cold though,” Haruko said as she pulled her under tunic off. The only reason it gave her trouble was the fact that it seemed stuck to her skin. Maeve waited for Haruko to finish undressing and sank into the warm water. Haruko gave a soft sigh of relief as she submerged herself in the warm water.

“You don’t have to stand there and watch you know,” Haruko said.

“You look as though you would pass out at a moment’s notice. There is no way I am going to walk away and let you drown yourself,” Maeve said. Haruko gave a chuckle in response.

“I think a nap in a warm place would do me more than you constantly waking me,” Haruko said.

“If that was your best effort to whine,” Maeve then said. Haruko gave another weary smile. 

“Yes, Mom,” she joked. Maeve rolled her eyes at her friend. Silence followed for just a few heartbeats. Haruko must have really wanted to rest if she was not talking about her last adventure into a place that was described as the Walking Dead. 

“How has your conversations with Blackwall been?” Haruko asked. Maeve struggled to find words, just for a moment. Luckily for her Haruko was too tired to catch the slight hesitation.

“Why would you ask something like that?” Maeve asked.

“I do get a chance to read letters, and some of them aren’t just reports or orders,” Haruko said softly. Maeve sighed. 

_Damnit, Dorian_. She thought angrily. That mage did not know how to stay out of other people’s business.

“So what’s up?” Haruko asked. She didn’t move, not that she wanted too. The warm water was the greatest and it was hard to ignore the slight spell of sleep that it wove. But if she was going to get through this bath without falling asleep, then she needed something to distract her. Focusing on her friend was a great distraction from the sleep that her body so desired.

“I have no idea,” Maeve finally said with a heavy sigh. There was so much that she wanted to talk about but how much was Haruko able to handle right now? Was it selfish to just spill everything in her heart that troubled her?

“It’s been over a year now since we came here and I’m doing really well at moving on but……I don’t know. I feel like I didn’t get to do the closure needed with my previous life since being here and now I’m sleeping around and there are……complications and I don’t know. I don’t know what to do,” Maeve spilled in confused words. She was conflicted, confused, and frustrated. Haruko sat up a little and gave a halfhearted try to look at her friend from the tub. There was a little understanding. Haruko’s previous life had not found any closure and that was the only reason she kept hoping for some sort of path back. At least to tell her parents she was fine and her life was moving in the right direction. Just that bit was what she wanted.

“Closure isn’t something either of us got when we were thrown into this world,” Haruko agreed with a soft nod. There was a silence that followed those words. Both of them understood one another on that aspect. Haruko gave a tired sigh before she continued.

“But…I know that I can’t sit by and just wait for something to happen. And it isn’t because I work myself to death or I’m a workaholic…it is to follow one phrase my father taught me. And it is “don’t stop. Keep moving,”” she explained. It was not because she was following any example here on how to work, it was not because she was learning from Cullen’s behavior, it was because she was taught by her father.

“I can see that, yeah,” Maeve said with a thoughtful nod. Haruko gave a smile in return. She hoped this would be helpful with her mind so thoroughly exhausted.

“The sad part about this is…can…can we afford to…to…” Haruko started to struggle with her words. The pain of those words would admit that she had given up on seeing them again. Her heart was not ready to let go. No part of her was willing to let go of the one hope that saw her through the years of abuse and darkness that she grew up with. Maeve gave a glance at Haruko. She watched as her friend struggled to keep the emotion out of her face but it was too easy to see the pain and the loss. Haruko had yet to follow her own words, both of them had yet to do so.

“Sorry, I don’t know how else to say it…” Haruko said softly. Tears threatened to spill over, and her voice was strangled with emotion that she struggled to hide.

“No, that’s alright. I know it’s hard for both of us…” Maeve said with the same emotion in her voice. There was a heavy silence that followed those words. This was definitely not something they needed to talk about, in a washroom of all places. 

“So…you’re saying what? To just keep swimming?” Maeve asked to break the silence. Haruko gave into giggles. There were still things to giggle about from their world, movie quotes being one of them. It was one of the only things that they shared that no one else understood. Thedas would never understand the genius of Pixar and Disney nor will they understand the best movie of all time Princess Bride. 

“Yes,” Haruko replied with a nod. “Just keep swimming.”

“So if I just keep moving ahead, and moving on from everything…I don’t have to feel like I’m completely cheating?” Maeve asked. Haruko didn't have an answer for that. Part of her said there was no reason to consider that she was cheating on her previous boyfriend. They weren’t returning, not any time soon as it seemed, thus they could not dwell in the past forever. On the other hand, Haruko prayed daily that there would be a chance to return. That conflict allowed for so much doubt and confusion. However, Haruko could see that Maeve was getting better as she thought more about those words. 

“That could help clear up the complications!” she finally said with a small note of enthusiasm. Haruko gave a faint smile as she rested her head on the edge of the tub. Maeve looked and sounded as though the weight of the world was finally lifted. If all Haruko gave was a bit of encouragement and some advice to do that, the day was made.

“If it helps,” Haruko whispered lazily. Her eyes lids were so very heavy.

“It actually helps a lot!” Maeve said with a heavy sigh of relief. “I mean…there’s still the thing…but it helps!”

“Do you want to talk about the thing?” Haruko offered as best she could. At this rate she might as well just find a bed and sleep. Maeve gave her a look.

“You don’t look like you would stay awake for much longer. I think I can manage from here,” Maeve said with a nod. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and in bed.”

Haruko finally was free of any evidence of the Fallow Mires and quickly placed in a warm bed. Maeve then turned her attention to elsewhere. From their little sleeping quarters, Maeve went out and gave a smile to the sun.

“It’s okay…I can do this!” Maeve said to herself confidently. Her feet marched themselves in half skips to the stables. Blackwall was there, removing his own armour from the previous mission he went out on with Hal.

“How was your trip?” Maeve asked. Blackwall looked over his shoulder to see a very happy Maeve.

“Eventful, the Inquisitor helped seal the giant rift in the middle of Crest Wood and spared the remaining villagers of the plague of undead,” Blackwall informed. He looked relieved and at the same time angry. 

“Did you just get back?” Maeve then asked. Blackwall gave a small chuckle.

“Just a few moments ago,” he said. Good Lord that smile of his was enough to make her smile to herself. 

“Would you like to go to the tavern for a celebration of success?” Maeve asked.

“I’d like that,” Blackwall said with a nod as he shed the last of his heavy armour and straightened out his coat. He lifted his sword from his belt and rested it across the table. It was him who crossed the distance between them and walked with her to the tavern. It was him who slipped his hand into hers on his own.

“Blackwall?!” Maeve said with surprise. There was a light look of embarrassment on his face.

“My Lady, if this is too presumptuous of me,” he said. Maeve gave a giggled and squeezed his hand in hers.

“It is not…it is a nice surprise,” she said. There was a light that appeared in Blackwall’s eyes that seemed to mix with terrible longing. There were mysteries yet that Maeve had not yet discovered about this man, but at least there was one thing that came to light. He was interested, and perhaps, was just too busy trying to come to terms with that. Haruko was very right about one thing; Just keep swimming.


	23. A Path For Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being in a relationship was...indescribably. Haruko found that she smiled more often than she did before. Looked forward to her daily run ins with Cullen, and even set aside time to check up on him just to make sure he wasn't working himself to death. The care she had for this man outmatched the care she had felt for any other...and yet it could not all be sunshine and roses...not when something that had been a part of Cullen's past rears its ugly head.

There was never a cloud in the sky since Haruko finally expressed her feelings to Cullen. No matter what the situation, she could find herself smiling to herself on occasion. Her soldiers seemed to come out the better for it too. They were more motivated, improving, and over all seemed to do well under her instructions. Ian had said it was because she had a more positive outlook, more than usual. Though, Ian did not spare a moment to tease Haruko if she was caught staring off into the distance or seemingly “distracted.” The others in the Inquisition offered small congratulations. Hal himself personally congratulated her _and_ sent flowers with a stupid not attached. _Nice Catch_ it was titled. Haruko swore it was Maeve’s idea judging on the wording. Should that guess be wrong, the next person would have to be Varric. 

Despite the teasing, Haruko could find herself happier at the end of the day. She’d made it a point to at least check up on Cullen once a day. The man was, after all, an adult and could take care of himself. But there was no harm in giving him lunch every day. Haruko was no wife, but she did pride herself in cooking. It was the only thing that she knew that her dad enjoyed and it reminded her of him. Just a small piece that she was able to take with her to this crazy new world.

“Another lunch for the Commander?” one of the kitchen staff asked. Haruko still felt embarrassed about their relationship. She was no school girl that knew how to express her love in poems and submissive blushes. Her expressions of compassion were through action. A high five, a clap on the back…but if she cared greatly, she’d give a hug. That was the extent of it. Truly she was nothing but a wallflower. So the rest of the kitchen staff found it amusing to tease her into blushing even as she worked wordlessly on lunch for him.

“I’m not in your way am I?” Haruko asked. The girl who asked her shook her head.

“Nah, just watching you. You don’t have any instructions when you cook so it is fascinating to see the food you cook,” the maid replied. Haruko felt a little bit of pride swell up in her chest at the comment.

“My dad taught me,” she said softly. “But he always liked to experiment with recipes to make it better…so I learned to just look at the food and make it into a meal.”

It also helped that sometimes you didn't know what you wanted and just wanted to throw something together. To be honest, Haruko wished there were some skillets and such like she was used to. It would make pancakes far easier to make and such. Sautéing meats and vegetables would be far simpler if they were not in cast iron pans. The sacrifice of technology. Oh well, at least her lunches were usually simple. Haruko carefully cut out a loaf of bread for the rest of the kitchen to use if they wished, but also to make two sandwiches. One for her, and one for Cullen.

Sandwiches were convenient for him. He could pick it up and go over his reports at the same time. He’d also get more than just bread and cheese or simple finger foods. It was a small thing that Haruko took into account considering both of their jobs seemed to be so busy at times. Sandwiches also made for easy carrying. Neatly placed into a handkerchief, fold and tie the ends and you had a wonderful makeshift bag to carry lunch in.

“What kind of sandwich are you making this time?” the maid asked. Haruko glanced over at the kitchen hand and then back at the food in front of her.

“Uh, whatever meat you guys gave me, and then some lettuce, tomato, the usual,” Haruko explained happily. She twisted the ends of the huge handkerchief around the small plates and then set them aside. All she needed were the drinks. One of the younger boys came over and offered a basket. Haruko looked down and took it from him. The boy was shy, said very little to new people, but did his job well here in the kitchen. Haruko gave the boy a smile and then opened the lid to the basket. There were two canteens of what Haruko thought might be water.

“Thank you,” Haruko said to the boy with a nod. There was a small bashful smile and his gaze went to the floor. The boy was bashful, and since he had an inherent shyness to contend with, his reaction was understandable. Haruko could only hope that these small interactions would help him grow from this. After rearranging the contents of said basket to fit the lunches she prepared, Haruko turned to the rest of the kitchen.

“Well, I’ll get out of your hair,” she said with a smile.

“It’s about time,” one person said with light sarcasm. Haruko gave a light smile and a chuckle as she left. The doors that lead to the inside of Skyhold opened up to a huge basement of sorts. It was perfect for entertaining guests, if perhaps they could get this place properly dusted and cleaned beforehand. Otherwise, it was a nice place to just walk around, hang paintings, and store a collection of liquors they received from all corners of Thedas. Masamune waited patiently here for Haruko to return. Haruko thought it was unsanitary for an animal to be in the same place as where their food was prepared. This was because she had worked with food before in old jobs in her old world. Some habits just never died it seemed.

There were four doors, but the one that Haruko wanted was the farthest one from her. The stairs there lead up to the door just outside of Josephine’s office. The two of them walked up and then crossed the through the huge great hall of Skyhold. There weren’t many dignitaries here today. Most of them had left or were still sleeping off the night’s activities. Good Lord, the amount of alcohol nobles were willing to drink was astounding. To be honest, Haruko might have joined them if it weren’t for her job the very next morning. 

Next was Solas’ room. The murals on the walls were always pretty, but the walk through there…well…let’s just say, Masamune put Haruko on edge. For the elf’s sake, Haruko would announce herself with a loud bang of the door or to call out to him. This time she closed the door loudly before she cautiously walked through the corridor that opened to his quarters. Masamune’s fur was already bristling as they walked through.

“Another visit to the commander’s office?” Solas asked. Haruko looked around for the elf, but he was not on the ground. She looked up and on one of the scaffoldings was the elf in question, and a few buckets of paint.

“Another mural?” Haruko asked. She had to half shout, and hoped that her voice would carry.

“Just touching up a few spots I seemed to have missed,” he said as he looked back at his work. It was amusing to see a mage toil away at something he could have easily done with a wave of his hand. 

“Couldn’t you just wave your magic wand and make the brushes float?” she asked in jest.

“Everyone needs a hobby,” Solas then replied with an amused half smile.

“I guess the phrase “just because you can, doesn't mean you should” might apply here,” Haruko said. Something about her words gave the elf a bit of a pause. Why? Who could say. Masamune watched both of them carefully before he walked to the opposite end of the room. It was obvious that he did not like being here. He looked over to Haruko and gave a warning bark.

“Seems your lupine friend wishes to continue on,” Solas said sadly.

“It would seem so, maybe next time I’ll bring a snack as a peace offering for dealing with him,” Haruko suggested. 

“Animals are far smarter than we give them credit,” Solas reminded. “Though I need not remind you of this.”

Haruko gave a light laugh. Masamune glowered at her like a child that did not want their parents to talk the night away. Haruko had to excuse herself and follow her wolf out of Solas’ quarters.

“I swear you want to meet up with Cullen far more than I do,” Haruko said with a scowl on her face. Masamune’s mood seemed to lighten far more when he got out of that door. His face looked enthusiastic, his tail was up and wagging furiously and his mouth open and panting. Haruko sighed and smiled at her young wolf. The only reason that wolf was ever excited to see Cullen is because he would give the wolf some sort of affection.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Haruko said to the wolf as he danced around the door. She gave a small knock on the door before she pushed it open. Masamune brushed passed her legs in a rush. Haruko tripped over the huge fur ball and nearly fell on the floor. There was a chuckle that echoed in the room that made it just a little worthwhile.

“Masamune, that wasn’t very nice,” Cullen said to the wolf. Masamune came over and brushed his body up against Cullen’s legs, and begged to be pet. The Commander gave a light chuckle and patted the wolf’s back to indulge him. Haruko made her way to the desk and set the new basket down.

“Well, this is a surprise,” Cullen said when he saw the basket. Haruko gave a smile and opened up the lid.

“The shy kitchen boy gave it to me,” she explained softly. Haruko then took out the familiar wrapped plate in a huge handkerchief and handed it to him.

“Oh? Did he prepare the lunch as well?” Cullen asked as he took the plate. Haruko gave him that look, the one where he could _feel_ the phrase “you’re kidding right?” It was coupled with a smile, one that he knew would follow some witty phrase.

“Did you want him to make the lunch? I can see if he would,” Haruko the said. Cullen merely gave a light chuckle that was followed by Haruko’s light giggle. She tried to tidy up his desk just a little. The papers threatened to fall off and there was a box that just happened to be brushed aside. It was open, but clearly just put aside to make room for the meal. There was a spark of curiosity that ran through her mind when she glanced just a few interesting looking instruments inside.

“What’s this?” Haruko asked merely out of curiousity. She looked to Cullen’s face and it looked as though she had asked the wrong question. It was serious, dark, gloomier than she wanted it to be. But he took a deep breath and explained the contents willingly.

“This is how a Templar gets their abilities. We take Lyrium in order to fight off rogue mages, apostates, and abominations,” Cullen explained. Haruko braved a slow turn of the box to look at the contents inside. Nothing in the box looked anything she had seen before. There was a spoon looking thing, a flask here and there, something that looked like it might be a knife or something like it…all situated in their own compartments within this box.

“Do…do you take this stuff?” Haruko asked. All she was aware of was the dangerous Red Lyrium. If that stuff could kill you, grow from your dead body, then there was no way that regular Lyrium was good. 

“Not any longer,” Cullen murmured. His hands were slow as he untied the handkerchief. This didn’t seem like good table conversation, but Haruko wanted to better understand what bothered Cullen so much. She knew that Cullen was a Templar, but not since he joined up with the Inquisition. 

“And that’s good right?” Haruko asked with the hope that it was something better than actually taking this stuff. Cullen gave her a side glance. How could he explain this to her? There was nothing like this stuff in her world, and not being a part of Thedas made it harder to comprehend. 

“Should a Templar refuse to take Lyrium or are denied for a long time…they go mad, or die,” Cullen then said. Haruko could feel the worry start to well up within her. How long ago did he stop taking this stuff? Why would anyone willingly submit themselves to this sort of thing? Surely there was no mage or abomination that was that powerful worth something like that.

“When did you decide to stop taking Lyrium?” Haruko asked as she slowly took out her own plate from the basket.

“When I joined the Inquisition,” Cullen replied. That was a long time ago. How long did it take to start seeing symptoms of Lyrium withdraw? Was Lyrium anything like alcohol and drug addiction back in her world? Were there steps to help him should something happen? There were too many questions that ran through her mind. 

“You’ll be okay? There are precautions right?” Haruko tried her best to seem hopeful in this situation. Her confident smile slowly disappeared when Cullen did not respond nor look at her.

“As far as I know, there are none,” Cullen said solemnly. Haruko looked at him in worry. So Cullen was to be the one to carve this path on his own. That was a scary thought. There were so many variables to worry about. How did one safely get off of Lyrium? What were its effects on the human body? The benefits? But if it meant facing down death, just because the body craved something that strongly…was it worth it?

“What made you decide to quit?” Haruko asked. Cullen stared down at his food and silence fell between them. Haruko started to feel like she just asked a bombshell of a question unintentionally. She watched as Cullen turned away and looked out the window behind him. There was a tenseness in the air, a certain level of dread that seemed to come off of Cullen in waves.

“After what happened in Kirkwall…I couldn’t…” he said softly. Haruko took a half step to Cullen but stopped. This was pain, a deep hurt that went farther than his words. Haruko could understand that, that level of desire to change yourself from who you are and where you are. 

“I will not be bound to the Order, or that life, any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it. I’ve asked Cassandra to…watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty,” the then said as he turned to her. Haruko gave a nod in understanding. She wouldn't push him, not any more than she already did. It was unintentional, and she felt terrible about it. However, she felt she had a better understanding as to why he would make this choice.

“Then I shall stand beside your decision,” Haruko said. And that was it. No more questions, no more digging. That left Cullen surprisingly puzzled. Haruko was one full of questions. If it was not about a decision, it was about an action, an attempt to seek reason and understanding of the task at hand. There was nothing in the world that she was not curious about. And yet she left this one thing alone and gave him her support without question. 

“You’re not curious?” Cullen couldn't help but ask. Haruko gave a smile at him, because she knew her own nature. 

“There are several questions I have, but I understand the desire to leave a life of pain and change yourself for the better,” Haruko said. There was a sad look on her face behind that slight smile. Some part of Cullen had felt that she was not talking about how she came to be in Thedas, something that was in her past that she might not be willing to share. He watched as she took out the canteens for drink and set the basket at the foot of the desk. He waited for one more question, one that he would willingly answer but it did not come. 

“……Thank you,” Cullen murmured. Haruko did not hear him. It felt good to know that there was someone willing to listen to him and not question. He felt warm, for happy was not the correct term to describe his feelings. Instead, he walked beside her and placed a gentle hand around her waist and placed a small kiss of affection on her temple. Haruko froze in an instant and the rush of the color red quickly appeared on her face. It was adorable, to think that such a headstrong person like Haruko could easily become so shy and embarrassed by a simple act. 

“Hey!” was all she managed to get out. Her eyes did not meet his, in an attempt to hide her embarrassment. Haruko was not one for romance, knew nothing about it, but in her own way she was trying. It didn’t help that Cullen chuckled at her, so she gave him a gentle and playful shove.

“You should eat your lunch before your work catches up,” Haruko muttered. She couldn’t make eye contact with him. It was too embarrassing.

“You may be right. My work would undoubtedly prevent me from eating,” he agreed. The two of them finally moved into a more relaxed conversation, enjoyed the meal before them, and the precious time they had to spend together.

~

A few days after that brief talk about Lyrium, and Haruko’s mind had been plagued with serious thoughts. There had been no man or woman to try and pull away from the Lyrium bottle or whatever it was that they used to take it. Cullen was putting himself at a high risk. Death followed those that were denied for too long, and madness came after too much exposure. There was no win in this situation. Despite it all, the Templars found it necessary to sacrifice themselves to this sort of control, to this, for lack of a better word, lunacy. But there was a catch to her train of thought. 

Haruko was not of this world. What they thought was necessary and what she thought was necessary did not always match up. Such was the case of magic and anything involved. The use of Lyrium, given the negative side effects of merely mining the stuff, seemed a foolish endeavor. Humans and elves go mad if they are around raw Lyrium for too long and the only people who could mine the stuff in relative safety were dwarves. But even then the nature of Lyrium was unpredictable. It exploded without any warning, and there was no good way to know when it would. Such a dangerous resource did not seem worth the cost. A temporary boost in magic or mana in mages and the ability to fight off magic for non-mages did not seem a worthy trade.

But there was too much unknown to her, too much Haruko had yet to understand. She crossed her arms and frowned as she thought. There had to be tons of books on the subject. Dorian might have some idea as to where to start, but that was a mountain of information to sift through. Given her current duties, she could barely go through a book within a week. 

“If you frown any harder, your mouth might get stuck that way,” a voice teased her in the distant recesses of her mind. Haruko had to blink a few times and glance to her left. Ian stood there with an amused smile on his face and a teasing look in his eye. That's right! She was overseeing training, as usual. 

“I assure you it is not because you and the rest of the squad aren’t practicing well enough,” Haruko answered. Even her words seemed jumbled. Ian gave a confused look and Haruko had to take a moment to clear her mind a little more.

“I am thinking of other things, you all are doing fine,” she corrected in the simplest way that she could. Ian seemed to give a halfhearted smile at their captain. At least she was to the point where she told him she was thinking too much. Most of the time he would know just by the way she got suddenly quiet or couldn’t pay attention to the tasks at hand. He’d learned Captain Wolf’s habits quite a while ago.

“Ser, if you remain within your own mind for too long, I fear you might be lost to us,” Ian teased lightly. Humour, in this form, was a great way to gauge her reaction and how serious the topic Captain Wolf was thinking about. If she joked back, swiftly, then it was not so troubling a subject. However, should she delay or perhaps give a halfhearted answer, then perhaps it was a more serious issue. 

“Yes, but it is because I am within my own mind that you all have your skins,” Haruko said with a light tone. Ian had his answer. Whatever was on her mind, it was serious.

“As long as you aren’t caught like that on the battlefield,” Ian then said. His eyes returned to the men and women training. Give it time and their captain would explain her thoughts in more cryptic words.

“I fear there isn’t room for much thought on the battlefield, lest you find a blade in your gut or an arrow in the back,” Haruko retorted. Ian was trying to bring her back to the task at hand. Normally she would have welcomed it, but this was a more serious matter than mere battle strategies. Ian gave a sight sigh before he crossed his arms.

“I could take some of that burden you keep thinking about,” Ian offered. He said this without looking at Captain Wolf.

“And give you more fuel to rag me in the future?” Haruko asked with an eyebrow raised. Ian was not the person to let anything past him.

“I believe I know my place, as you have so easily bested me in the ring more than once,” Ian reminded. There was an amused smile on his face. Haruko gave a chuckle that lifted that frown off of her face. Her men were fiercely loyal to her, rallied under her banner on the field of battle when she would willingly charge in to save their skins. They fought for the Inquisition so long as that was what Haruko desired to do.

“Alright, Ian, I get your point,” Haruko then said with a nod. “I happen to be thinking about Lyrium and why Thedas feels it necessary to use such an unstable…thing…”

“Lyrium gives mages more power to cast their spells, or so I am told,” Ian said the same thing that Haruko was aware of. “The Templars use it to give themselves a resistance to magical spells in the event that an abomination runs amok or a mage resorts to blood magic.”

“And yet the adverse effects do not seem to match the benefits,” Haruko then countered. Ian was stopped by that comment. It appeared that no one else in Thedas had thought of it like that before. Then again, Ian was but one man in the ocean of people in Thedas. 

“Templars eventually lose their minds to the stuff. If they take too much of it or if they wish to get away from it. There is no good way out. I suspect there is a danger for mages as well, but I don't know,” Haruko said as they walked and half observed the training practice.

“I believe you are the first to ever present such an argument,” Ian said with a nod. No, she probably wasn't. She was just the only one that did not seem to fear those that would openly oppose her when she spoke about such a problem so openly.

“There is too much that I do not know, and that is what my frown was,” Haruko explained as she sighed. There was not enough time in a day to do the things necessary or the things she wished to do.

“If there is time, might I suggest picking up a book or two in the library?” Ian asked. Haruko gave him a dry look. She’d thought of that already. The man smiled at her.

“Go, I’ve got things here today. We can’t have you continuously frowning and lost within your own mind over things you don’t know,” Ian said with a wave of his hand.

“Thanks Ian,” Haruko said with a light note of surprise in her voice. Ian was a man that competed against her, her rival in an odd way.

“I only do this because I want to beat you in the ring fairly. And that means you have to have a clear head for me to consider it a true win,” Ian said without looking at her. Haruko gave a laugh and nodded. At least for today, she would get a chance to get a head start in her research. Opportunities like this came once in a blue moon, and if she could get some sort of lead, then it would make this process go by faster. Hopefully luck, and maybe a divine hand would give her the answers she sought.

Haruko walked her way up to the main doors of Skyhold’s great hall. The people there was bustling and running around with the various jobs that needed to be done. A few guards or passing soldiers would greet in passing, but they were too busy for a proper conversation. A few nobles or guests, it was hard to tell because every damned person from Orlais always wore a mask of some sort. Their conversation was polite, and Haruko was not sure if she made a good impression or bad. Damn Orlesians and their inability to show their true face so that she might be able to gauge conversation. Ultimately, Haruko was able to get away and sneak up to the library without Masamune growling at Solas.

“And what brings you to my fine establishment?” a confident voice asked her. Dorian always greeted her with a smile. Thank goodness he had Spock on his shoulders or there might have been a fight. Masamune wanted to be friends with the little cat, but perhaps his love was too forward for the casual feline. 

“What books do you have on Lyrium?” Haruko asked.

“My, my, that is a rather large subject,” Dorian said. He walked over to a shelf and looked up and down it in thought. Haruko followed him with Masamune at her side.

“Anything in particular you want to know?” he asked. 

“I need to know its history, what it is, the effects of it on the human body, medical reports. Maybe even battle reports since mages seem to use it in battle to enhance spells and such,” Haruko said. She started out with a precise need and then her words trailed into more thoughtful and wondering sort of tone.

“Ah ha,” Dorian motioned her to follow. They walked around to a different shelf. How many books were in here exactly? And could this be all on Lyrium itself?

“Here are some books on where to get Lyrium, mostly Dwarven history. Most of it is how they became rich and famous in the surface world,” he said as he took down a huge book. Haruko took the book gently and watched Dorian efficiently pluck down more.

“These three should suffice for now. These five are the different effect of Lyrium; anywhere from mages, to different races, and what Lyrium can enhance,” he said. Haruko was nearly under a tower of books now. Goodness, there were a lot of books on the subject of Lyrium.

“Might you have anything on the effects of getting off Lyrium?” Haruko asked behind her stack of books. Dorian looked puzzled for a moment. Now why in the world would she wanted to know about that?

“As in perhaps a Templar seeking relief from his duty?” Dorian then asked. It was the only scenario that he could think of. Haruko gave the slightest sign of hesitation as she answered.

“Something like that. Medical records? Doctor notes, er, healer notes? Research? Anything?” Haruko explained a little bit. This was Cullen’s personal quest that she was helping. She felt that it would be rude of her to speak of his decision to stop taking Lyrium so openly. The mage had a thoughtful look on his face as he turned back to the vast shelves. It was quite possible that Thedas did not keep such records. The act of keeping a medical journal or notes differed from person to person. Dorian then pulled a few old looking books from the farthest shelf down. 

“I am not so sure these are what you are looking for, but they are copied journals from some Templars,” Dorian said as he looked down at them. He looked them over and then added it to her pile of books in her hands. 

“Anything will help. If anything it will mark off one book I have to read,” Haruko said with some strain. Now she needed to get to work. There was a conveniently empty table nearest the selves Dorian took these books from. The only things she needed were possibly a notebook and a pencil. Sadly, she had neither.

“And here is some spare parchment and ink I happened to have lying around,” Dorian said as he came over. Spock near had a death grip when she spotted Masamune sitting behind Haruko. Dorian did not seem to pay much attention to the cat.

“Thanks Dorian,” Haruko said with a nod as she took the ink and paper. No time like the present to practice your penmanship with a quill and ink. She set them beside the books she needed to read and then sat down in the chair. Her work had just begun, and the troubles with understanding this new beast only just begun.

The book with Dwarven history on Lyrium was nothing but boring information. Much of it named names she could barely pronounce and stated that mining caste were the only people to actually mine the stuff. The rest was nothing but dates and locations as to where certain veins of Lyrium were located and so on. Sometimes there were places where it did not make sense. Dorian helped in explaining that dwarves usually strike information from their Memories when a particular person becomes casteless. Dwarven politics, he said. It was interesting to see that there were warnings in certain places. It sometimes made mention of surface dwarves, and “lost Stone sense.” Haruko figured this meant they lost their resistance to what Lyrium could do. However, there were records of dwarves going mad from the stuff. Perhaps they had built an immunity but it only went so far. One could only stand the heat of fire before it burnt you.

The next few books were more than helpful. Processing techniques, effects on the human body were exactly what she needed. Processed Lyrium often came in liquid form, the potions and such. Should a human or even an elf touch Lyrium in its raw form, they’d become nauseous, sometimes their skin would blister and their minds suffer from dementia. There were notes on the dwarves having only minor issues which matched the information in the Dwarven history book. The strange note about mages said that even they could die from direct exposure. Haruko did not want to know how they found this out.

Even in its processed form it seemed to have more dangers than benefits. The telltale signs of addiction, so much so that the cravings make Templars or anyone ingesting it to go mad, were paranoia, obsession, and dementia. Haruko shook her head as she wrote those words in her own notes for herself. How could Cullen, or anyone for that matter, subject themselves to this? Should they be cut off from Lyrium, they suffer from fatigue, headaches, forgetfulness, an unquenchable thirst, and cold hands. Haruko’s own quill slowed down. Even trying to free yourself from the addiction of Lyrium was taxing. 

“Why would people do this?” Haruko whispered to herself. She shook her head in worry. This wasn't just for Templars. Mages also suffered from side effects such as conscious dreaming in the Fade, or dizziness and voices…but unlike the Templars, at least they could recover. But that did not explain why they needed to do this. What was the purpose? What made them turn to something that had so much danger wrapped around it, made even worse by the discovery of Red Lyrium. 

Haruko gave a small yawn and rubbed her weary eyes. The journals she read were not exactly helpful either. Just a normal day to day life in what a Templar did, until she hit the end where the writing became more erratic. Words were lost, and written evidence of the delirium caused by prolonged taking of Lyrium was made clear.

_Cullen…what did you put yourself through?_ Haruko thought to herself. Another yawn interrupted her concentration. There had to be more somewhere. Some other Templar had to want to walk the same path Cullen walked but in secret. Haruko’s eyelids were heavy, and growing more so with each flicker of the candle by which she wrote. 

“Wake up, Haruko,” she murmured as she rubbed her eyes free of sleep that threatened to stop her work. But it was all she could do to concentrate on the task at hand. Words had blurred together, and her quill felt as though it could not stand straight. She needed to continue her writing, but if she did not rest, then she would not gain anything. With each stroke, the ink started to blend her letters together, and the words she tried to write were nothing more than mere scribbles of a child. Even she could not read them.

_Just for a little while…_ Haruko thought to herself as her head slowly fell to the table and her body relaxed before her head rested on the table. Masamune remained dutifully at her side, even as Dorian was the one to chuckle behind her. The wolf pricked his ears up, then lifted his head to watch the mage. Dorian gave Masamune a reassuring smile before he placed the blanket in his hand around Haruko’s shoulders.

“If I were a betting man, I would say you out could give our dear Commander a run for his money in how hard you work,” he said softly. Haruko didn’t so much as move from her spot. Masamune rested his head back on his paws to play with his pack mate in dreams.

~

The cries of battle echoed in the air as they were accompanied by clashes of steel. Arrows whizzed by and missed their mark by mere centimeters. Echoes of pain wailed long into the sky as the ground around her soaked in red. Haruko took up her sword, even as the sweat and grim of warm clung to her cheek. Her opponent would not stop, not so much as hesitate. She _had_ to meet them steel for steel. 

The Red Templars.

They refused to back down, did not so much as even slow down as their chest was riddled with arrows, or a sword ran them through. These were monsters that were created by a mad man tainted with the worst possible thing. The same mad man said to have Blighted this world.

The demons he summoned were equally as ferocious and damning. Haruko could hear the men and women that fought to defend this place, heard their cries of agony as they were cut down and then silenced. Haruko, herself, had to defend herself as a Templar sword threatened to cut her down. Life all around her was fading, falling, dying. Before her by her own hand and around her as her friends perished. The world was coming to an end.

_This can’t be happening_ Haruko thought to herself. The demons had pressed forward, vied for the advantage and then broke through. Several of them crushed her fellow men and women before her. A wail of anguish and anger tore through Haruko as she charged a huge pride demon. Its scaled skin was too tough for her blade, but it didn’t matter. Those were her comrades, her friend! It killed them! There was a chuckle. One of amusement at her struggle. Then a hard hit that sent Haruko flying back. Her body bounced on the ground once, twice, and then slide across the dirt. Her body was broken, yet the spirit within her still fought desperately. Something grabbed her, pulled her up in the air by her body. She looked at the same pride demon, its six eyes looked back at her as its mouth twisted into a cruel smile. Its grip on her body tightened, the pain was indescribable. She yelled in protest, tried to free herself, and then…

~

Haruko’s eyes flew open, and she shot straight up in her chair. There was silence around her, a calming silence that made her pants echo ever louder. Everyone seemed to still be in their beds, the morning light just now started to shine through the windows. Haruko swallowed hard, as the images in her head were still very real. She had died, or nearly did. Her eyes closed and there were flashes of color, blasts of sound, things she wished would go away. The life she led, it did not sit well with her kind heart. These dreams were getting worse, more so now that they were mixing with her time in the future and the attack on Haven. 

She breathed a heavy sigh of weariness. Where was she? Haruko braved a small look around the room and saw that she was still in the library. No one woke her? Or perhaps they were trying to be kind and let her rest after spending nearly a day in this chair. A blanket pulled around where she sat in her chair. Someone did try to be kind. Haruko took up the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders, slowly. Masamune was at her side, his nose tunneled its way under her arm to check to see if she was alright. Haruko’s breath calmed down and she looked down at him.

“I’m okay, boy…” she whispered to him. If she said it any louder, her voice might have cracked. It did not seem to be good enough for Masamune. The wolf nudged her arm and then sat attentive. His front paws danced on the stone beneath them as he scooted closer or nudged her arm again. Haruko then leaned back enough to let the fur ball half jump into her lap. She hugged him around the neck and held him close to her. Tears stung her eyes as she tried to get over this wave of fear and terror that crashed through her.

~

Missions and other daily duties just seemed to continue to get in the way of Haruko’s current goal. There were many days where she wanted to sit in the library and continue her mountainous pile of book reading and note gathering until the day turned into night and then day again. But she could not simply ignore the job that she had taken up. Many times Ian had covered her but sometimes she could not neglect her duties. Instead, she would take a book with her with some parchment and ink, and take notes while she was out on a mission, or doing drills. Some rumored that she was taking her scholarly studying habits far into her actual work, but that was not the truth. Most rumors were just that rumors. 

Today was her day off, and she took the time to gather some books and move to a different space to study. The library was nice, but it did not have food and drink readily available. Plus, Spock gave Masamune a good scratch on the face and he had no desire to set foot in that place again. Maybe one day there would be time for those two to get properly introduced so that this would not happen again.

For now, Haruko took her findings and newer books to an empty table on the second floor of the tavern. It was a decent place where it would not bother the usual patrons of the tavern and she could get food and drink when she desired. It also gave her a different place to study and give her a different sense of motivation. The woman put down her arm full of books down on one corner of the table while she organized her twine bound notes in front of the set she was going to sit in. A heavy set of footsteps signaled that she was no longer alone. 

“How long are you going to research this?” the Iron Bull asked. Haruko looked up at him to make sure it was him, and then returned to gaze to her work. 

“Until I get my answer,” Haruko said simply. In her quest to find a safe way to help Cullen with this Lyrium withdraw, she was at a standstill. No Templars or Chantry Mothers were willing to discuss this issue with her. Haruko knew she was going to face resistance, especially when that was the only leash the Chantry had on its “defenders.” Those that did talk to her would have been classified as the “faithful” and they had told her that the reason their fellows had lost their mind was “due to a lack of faith.” That very note had Haruko’s hand shake with rage. 

Nothing about this process was “religious.” Those who rightfully gave themselves to their cause and to their duty were being pushed aside by these fanatics who believed that any failure was a sign of weakening faith. Nothing could have been farther from the truth, and their decision to refuse to look into it more closely was only more damning. No Chantry individual would look at this with an open mind, or be willing to do so. Sadly, the only one that might have done so, Mother Giselle, did not have a lot of information on Lyrium itself and what the Chantry did with it. Apparently that was not a part of her duties as a Mother in the Chantry. 

If only she could find more scientific data! Something that gave her the chemical components that made up what Lyrium was! Something that would show the basic effects of what it did to the human body with and without magic! There was nothing here that showed that! Nothing but journal after journal of individuals that did not collaborate their findings! There only progress that seemed to happen was how best to contain Lyrium in its raw form! You’d think that there might have been someone out there that was trying to find a different way to refine the Lyrium, to make it less damaging on the mind and the body. But there was nothing, nothing to possibly suggest that the Templars could throw their leashes when they thought things were too much for them.

“I think I am beginning to see smoke coming out of your ears,” the Iron Bull commented. Haruko looked up from the notes she was going over and then gave a heavy sigh.

“If only I had something from my world,” Haruko said angrily. “Something, anything to give me the chemical components of Lyrium. Something to give me a lead, anything to help those suffering from Lyrium withdraw and the effects of prolonged Lyrium use.”

“You’ve been at this nearly a month, and you have learned far more than the average man has about Lyrium. Why not take a break?” the Iron Bull suggested. Haruko gave him a look that suggested she was not going to stop, not until she found what she needed. But to what length was she going to go to? If there was nothing here that showed her scientific evidence as to how and why this thing affected the body, then there needed to be someone who was willing to do that. Haruko was a scholar, yes, but she was not willing to put people through experiments that she did not know how to conduct or even take notes on.

“Why this sudden interest in Lyrium? You’re not suffering from it are you?” the Iron Bull asked. Haruko glanced at him and sat down in her chair. No, she was not the one that was suffering from it. And damnit all, the Iron Bull was going to figure that out before she even said anything. 

“Not exactly…” Haruko answered softly.

“Aaaaah,” the Qunari said and sat down adjacent to her. It was apparent she did not want to discuss this and Haruko was grateful that he did not pry further. He was well aware of her current relationship, and he put two and two together without too much difficulty. However, perhaps she did not want to speak it out loud.

“I doubt the Chantry will be happy to know that you are looking to help those trying to get off of Lyrium,” the Iron Bull then said.

“Tell me about it,” Haruko muttered in anger. “I’m not finding a way out for the Templars, I am trying to…”

Haruko had to stop herself. It was in her nature to tell the truth. There was nothing worse than lying, but this was not a subject she was necessarily allowed to discuss. Not when it was a personal matter.

“I’m trying to help those that have already been cast out, discarded, and for those that deserve to be taken care off after the sacrifice that they gave in defending their people,” Haruko then explained carefully. The Iron Bull nodded solemnly and took a book from her pile.

“It might help if there are another set of eyes looking for you,” he said. Haruko gave him a faint smile. Even if he enjoyed fighting far more than reading a book, he was still willing to pick one up for the sake of learning. At least it seemed like the Iron Bull thought that this was a worth enough goal to do so. That thought gave her more motivation to find something.

~

“Please Cassandra, I need to understand what effects Lyrium has on the human body…but I don’t what test subjects. That wouldn't be fair to them if something bad happens and I can’t fix it,” Haruko pleaded with Cassandra. At least in this way she would be able to experiment from a human stand point and then understand what Cullen was going through. Cassandra stood back from the dummy she was training with and met her with a hard look.

“No,” Cassandra refused. “Taking Lyrium will not help you understand the Commander’s position. Speak with people that have already taken it.”

Cassandra was the only other one to know about this. Cullen had personally asked her to oversee him and make sure that he did not fall short of his duties. With her, Haruko could speak freely with Cassandra.

“I’ve _tried_ ,” Haruko said with frustration. “They claim that I might shake their faith or something stupid like that. Or give me the same damn thing…disorientation, the inability to tell the difference between reality or dreams or nightmares…sometimes the past blurs with the present…paranoia…Things I already know…and there is nothing on how to get past this.”

“That is where the faith in the Maker comes into play,” Cassandra then said and it sparked a fuse unintentionally. 

“Faith has nothing to do with it here!” Haruko half roared. “What is happening to those men and women is of their own making! And the Chantry could give a less of a damn about helping those that have already served or are passed the point of serving!”

“The Maker has set many things into motion that we cannot see, and it is…hard to know when he is truly with us,” Cassandra defended her faith.

“Cassandra, this is not about faith! Not when you can fight perfectly well without Lyrium. You would know! You don’t have to use Lyrium for your abilities!” Haruko then said with a snap in her words. She couldn’t believe that she was having this fight with the Seeker. If she thought that discarding those that were suffering was a part of Templar life and life within the Chantry, then it was not following its own tenants. 

“That is true, but what I went through is not something that everyone can go through,” the Seeker reminded. Haruko about threw her hands up in the air in frustration. This wasn't what she was seeking. This was not what she wanted. Haruko did not want a debate, she wanted to find answers.

“Cassandra, I am trying to help those that deserve to be helped,” Haruko then said.

“Or are you just out to help the Commander?” the Seeker asked.

“Have you read any of the journals of the Templars who died of Lyrium over use?!” Haruko snapped angrily. “The way their words seem to jumble together in small bursts, and that is only the tip of the iceberg! I haven’t spoken to them, not seen with my own eyes how this effects people…but I see with Cullen, every damn day the effects this had on him…”

And that is where Haruko’s words fell short. There were a few days where he looked so exhausted that Haruko had asked if he was feeling okay. There were days that Haruko thought he might need to sit down and rest when his work helped him focus through the crippling addictive desire. That was something that Haruko wanted to help alleviate. Just the thought of seeing Cullen in that much pain made her throat close up. No one should have to suffer because they sacrificed for what they thought was the good of the people. Cassandra gave a sigh.

“I see your point,” Cassandra replied. “But there is nothing that I know that you have not already found out yourself. This is the Commander’s chance to break away from the Chantry and carve out a path for others that wish to follow.”

But there was no need for that if they could study and learn what parts to address. Should they have information on how it chemically effects the body, then they could treat it with the right medicine, or give something to alleviate the symptoms while the body naturally heals itself. Nature does not provide without first having a counter balance for it.

“Yeah but there should be a way to safely wean off of the Lyrium,” Haruko said softly. Cassandra could see the conflict within Haruko. It must have been terrible to sit through this. To have the one person that you care about most suffering and you can do nothing to take that pain away.

“Perhaps this may need a combination of the knowledge you have from your world and the properties of this one,” Cassandra suggested. “Until you have found something more, I think it would be best to just give the Commander your support.”

“Unfortunately, that is not something that sits well with me,” Haruko said softly. “I cannot sit around idle while there is a problem that needs to be fixed.”

“I understand that feeling. Even so, your support will help him more in the days come,” Cassandra said. Haruko gave a small sigh, and ran a hand through her short messy hair. What the Seeker said was true, and Haruko was willing to do whatever it took to stand by Cullen. Still, it was hard to just sit back and watch. Cassandra placed a caring hand on Haruko’s shoulder.

“You will find a way. Have faith in yourself and in Cullen,” the Seeker said. Haruko gave a small nod. She would have to be strong for the both of them. A job that she was all too familiar with.

~

Just a few days more and Haruko had turned to a different sort of cure. One night, Haruko had suddenly remembered that there were more natural ways of easing symptoms. The idea sparked when she sneezed while Ian and her were receiving orders from a fellow runner. Then they had a conversation on allergies and Haruko mentioned that she had taken herbs in order to lessen her symptoms since actually medicine made her sleepy. Now she was hip deep in books on herbalism.

“I see you are still hard at work,” a voice said. Masamune pricked his head up. Haruko turned to see that Dorian returned from his recent trip with the Inquisitor from the Western Approach. 

“I didn’t expect you to be back until a week later,” Haruko said softly.

“Turns out some of the runes inside one of the ruins need some more research. There happened to be more time stopping magic and it should be looked into. I just happen to be the resident expert in such things,” Dorian said confidently as he placed his staff against one of the shelves. His cloak came off with an expert hand and he caught Haruko yawn widely.

“Have you given any thought to rest while I was away?” he teased lightly. Haruko shook her head.

“Not since I got this great idea,” she replied. The Tevinter mage chuckled lightly and walked over to her side. There were more books, different ones on the plants in the area and any plant used in medicine. There were stray papers sticking out of several books that were piled neatly. 

“My you have been busy since we were away,” he said. For a moment, Haruko thought he might sound impressed.

“Just something I happen to do in my spare time,” she replied with light sarcasm. Dorian gave a chuckle and then looked over the current notes that she was writing.

“Garlic? Rosemary? Are you trying to come up with a recipe?” he asked. Haruko gave a light chuckle.

“I wish, no I am trying to remember certain herbs from my world and their benefits. I am not an expert in the world of herbs, and was only recently interested in their properties before I came to Thedas…so sadly my knowledge is very limited. Garlic is great for the immune system but I think it might help with memory. Rosemary helps blood circulation, which then helps bring oxygen to the brain. I know that mint was great when you had a cold. My parents loved the smell of the stuff, and I never did…Oh! That reminds me,” Haruko started to explain but stopped short when an idea hit her. Dorian watched as she dipped her quill into the ink bottle and tapped the excess off. She then scrawled the word “lavender” underneath “mint.”

“Was great for relaxing. I hated this stuff, but it worked when I had a particularly stressful day,” Haruko explained even as another yawn caught up with her.

“You’re thinking aromatherapy might work for those trying to get off of Lyrium?” Dorian asked.

“I think it might help ease the symptoms. The body will have to heal in its own time but it doesn’t help to try and alleviate pain,” Haruko said. She then rubbed her eyes free of sleep. She had so much work to do. This wonderful break through might be enough to help Cullen with his current affliction. Sadly, she was starting to exhaust herself in more ways than one. Today she rushed from her duties in order to start on this breakthrough. Now all she had left to do was to find the medical equivalents or even perhaps discover if these plants existed here.

“Rest, Haruko, it does you no good to continually push yourself like this,” Dorian said.

“There is still so much that I need to research,” Haruko muttered. Dorian physically stayed her hand from writing more.

“It will be here,” he said firmly. “I will see if I can find more aromatherapy books for you and even mark specific pages. Go, it’s far past your bed time.”

Haruko gave Dorian a well-deserved scowl but it was interrupted by yet another yawn of exhaustion. Maybe a nap or a day’s rest would do her some good.

~

Another month gone, and Haruko was no closer to an answer than when she started. She’d passed on her missions to other squads because she was so obsessed with this, putting all of her energy into this one thing that no one else would seem to look at. Ever since her recent breakthrough she had sifted through more books and came up with more ways to help Cullen. Most of them involved the use of tea or perhaps there might be a way to get incense to burn in his office while he worked. At least it might help ease his tension and fight the weariness that the Lyrium withdraw created. 

But that meant finding confirmations of things that may or may not exist in this world. It would be easier to know if there were essential oils lying about but sadly, she did not have the internet at her disposal. This entire process brought her back to the times when she was not allowed to even touch a computer. But it still had its benefits.

Haruko rolled her neck when she started to feel it strain. She had added to her notes on herbs. What would work, what was a simple equivalent for the list that she had. There were magical medical properties of some plants, and she wondered if those might help as well. But the pain in her neck was starting to distract her as well as the way the words seemed to blur together into a giant mass of black and opaque parchment color. She closed her eyes and put her quill down. This had to stop. She needed to focus if she was going to get anywhere for Cullen.

“Maybe this will help,” a familiar voice came through the darkness. There was a soft thump as something was placed to her right. Haruko uncovered her face to see Cullen. He was the one that brought her a hot cup of tea. The aroma was soothing, and made her sleepy. However, seeing Cullen brought up feelings of uselessness and shame.

It was only recently that he had discovered her efforts to find a cure. He was all too happy to find out that she was trying to help, and offered to be a test subject should she actually find something that might work. But she had yet to come up with a formula that would work. Not without the blend of herbs coming together and smelling terrible or canceling out one another. Out of reaction to these conflicting emotions, Haruko had to look away from Cullen. It was just too much to bare to think he would be disappointed with her blatant waste of time.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like the tea do you?” Cullen asked when he saw her look away

“No, no!” Haruko said as quick as she could. She was being stupid, and Cullen now thought that he was at fault. He couldn’t be more wrong. So to help reassure him, she took the cup in her right hand but couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I love tea, I do…it’s not the tea…” Haruko then said.

“Then what troubles you?” Cullen asked. He knew the answer, but he also knew that Haruko felt better after talking things out. She had a tendency to make things seem so much worse inside her head then they actually are. So he sat down beside her, and waited patiently for an answer. In the meantime, he glanced at the notes she worked on. All of these piles of notes, the books, the hours spent into finding out how to help him. It was admirable to say the least.

“I was…trying to be helpful,” Haruko said softly. What did she mean by that? Her tone seemed like she was waiting for a lecture she did not want to hear. Cullen looked at her, saw that she was pulling at her loose sleeve on her right arm again.

“You’re…trying to help me with the Lyrium? Try to help coup with the side effects?” he asked. Haruko gave a soft nod but still would not look at him. Was it possible she thought she failed in some small way? Haruko had a tendency to be the harshest on herself when she couldn’t help those she cared about. But he felt a sense of joy knowing that she tried to help him more than just support him. No one else had ever done that for him, not on this level. 

“Haruko…” Cullen said softly. His hand rested on hers, the one tugging at her sleeve. There was no need to be nervous here, not when he was happy about this.

“I know, I’m stupid, and I shouldn’t be wasting my time researching something that doesn't have a cure,” Haruko suddenly blurted out. She couldn’t hide this from him, couldn’t lie. He needed to know the truth of her failures instead of her continuing this sham of possible cures. There was nothing she found, nothing to truly help him. She’d wasted everyone’s time with this and with nothing to show for it. How could she possibly apologize? How could he possibly like her now that she had failed so horribly?

Cullen waited for a moment, and watched Haruko tense up. It looked like she was ready for a blow, for something to hurt her. Whatever happened to make her react in this way? Cullen wasn’t angry, he was proud, happy even. Things like this took time, and considering all the Inquisition stood for, it was amazing they even made it this far. No, Cullen was pleasantly surprised that Haruko would do something like this and even more impressed at the progress that she had shown thus far. Slowly, Cullen wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into as best a hug as he could.

The action had Haruko surprised, left speechless. No one, except maybe her dad, had ever comforted her or given approval like this. Usually it was empty words that made it seem like they cared when in actuality they didn’t. But this…this felt different than all of that. The comfort and calmness that came off of Cullen seemed to melt the tense anxiety that had her suffocating in silence the last few days. Cullen waited until he could physically feel Haruko relax in his embrace.

“You’re not an idiot,” Cullen then said softly. There was a small squeeze against her opposite shoulder, the light press of his cheek against the top of her head. How could she possibly think that she was an idiot? She attempted to do something that no one in Thedas had ever given thought to do. She took things she knew about her world and tried to find the equivalent in this one. She set out on this path on her own, and didn’t ask for help unless she needed specific information. How could that be considered idiotic?

“No one has ever dared to consider that there is a way to break free from Lyrium…and yet here you are, reading books, making notes…trying to find ways to help people with a problem they don’t even realize yet…how is that idiotic?”

There was the tenseness again. Cullen waited, rubbed her opposite shoulder until it left her once again. She really did think that she did not make any progress? Maker be his witness he would repeat to her a thousand times that she had succeeded where no one else dared tried.

“I haven’t succeeded in anything…what use is that?” Haruko asked is barely a whisper. Should she speak louder, the note of tears would make itself evident. Already she could feel the lump of disappointment threatening to close her throat and cut off her words. The sting of shame that stabbed behind her eyes. 

“You have found remedies from your world and attempted to compare them to this one,” Cullen said firmly. He brushed some of the notes aside and found one he wanted to show her. It had names of herbs and spices she labeled under her world and then checked them in some cryptic way. Cullen thought it might be noted on which existed here and which did not. There was also a side list of medical herbs from Thedas and a brief listing of their properties. Lines suggested what might work together or what might be the same.

“These are herbs you listed. Some from your world, and some from ours. You’ve managed to find something that exist in both and jotted down what they could alleviate. No one in the history of Thedas has every dared to try this,” Cullen’s voice was firm and impressed. Cullen couldn't believe that Haruko didn’t see the value of her efforts as amazing. To her, she felt worthless, that there was no actual success in the research she had done in the last two months. If anything was idiotic, it was how she felt about herself and her supposed failures. Haruko remained silent in his embrace. Cullen gave a small sigh and gripped her closer if he could.

“Haruko…you’re a brilliant woman…” he said with affection. It was the truth. Haruko started something with the intent to help him, and carved a path that no one had before. She risked becoming enemies of the Templars and the Chantry in order to do this. She took the knowledge she had of her world and tried to find a similar or complete match in their world. She sacrificed her time, gave more of herself than anyone else had in the Inquisition. All of this was for the sake of the one she cared about the most…and that was something no one in his life had ever done for him.

“What idiot could put the knowledge of two worlds together to figure out a solution to a problem that has never been solved?” Cullen then asked. Haruko wished he would stop. There was no way that she was what he said she was. There was too much failure in her wake of research and wasted time. There was no way she could be so brilliant to deserve such compliments when she had yet to succeed. But, there was this feeling of relief that started to grow.

Cullen was not mad at her. In fact, he was encouraging her, complimenting her. These were things she was not expecting. The more she thought about it, the more she gave in to the feeling, and the more the shadows of her mind started to shrink away. His relaxing presence, the way he seemed comfort her, it pushed all that negative energy, the frustration and angry and shame away from her. Eventually, she fully relaxed and rested her head against the pocket of his shoulder. A faint and weary smile appeared on her face.

Cullen waited in silence. He watched as her hand stopped tugging at her sleeve and the tension washed away from her body. He could feel the moment that she left the frustration behind and that was replaced by a relative peace. If simply doing this for her helped calm her down, then he would do this very thing every single time she felt she was a failure.

“The only idiot willing to search for something impossible?” Haruko then asked. Cullen gave a small chuckle at her phrasing. But one thing had to be made clear.

“You’re not an idiot,” Cullen repeated. “You’re a brilliant and cunning woman with a stubborn and hardworking personality.”

Haruko really wished he would stop saying such embarrassing things to her. It made her blush out of embarrassment, not because they weren’t true but because they came from the one person she held close to her heart. What was more, it felt so weird, but in a good way, to have compliments come from him in such an endearing tone.

“...I just wanted to help you…” Haruko whispered softly. Cullen was taking her words with his flattery. Whether that was intentional or not. She felt the gentle squeeze of his hand on her opposite shoulder. The action seemed to have her stomach flop around. 

“You said you would support me. That is enough,” Cullen said softly in reply. Cassandra was correct. Her support was the only thing that he cared about. Haruko then had the sudden realization that she was a colossal idiot. She worried that he would be so angry with her that she lost sight of what he truly wanted. Cullen just wanted the simplest of things, things that Haruko thought weren’t enough to express her own feelings to him. 

But look at them now. They enjoyed this simple moment together in silence. Cullen made no sign of moving away from her and Haruko had no desire to break away. It was the simplest thing, and yet they were happy just to be together like this.

“Shouldn't you be resting?” Haruko asked with a weary tone in her voice. She could feel the rumble of a chuckle from Cullen’s chest. She liked that sound.

“I could be asking the same of you,” Cullen replied. Haruko had that same weary smile on her face.

“I have something I want to do for someone, and it might take longer to finish than I thought,” Haruko answered for him, though she made no move to return to her notes. Instead, she took a sip of her tea and enjoyed the warmth that filled her chest. But was that from the tea? 

“Right now I think you need to rest,” Cullen then said. It was a lazy suggestion. No intent to order her or even pretend to do so. They sat in relative silence for a few moments longer. The candle flickered in the darkness of the library. They seemed to dance in unison with the normal torches that lit the usual walk ways. Then there as a soft pat on her shoulder.

“Come on, it will be back here tomorrow for you to work on,” Cullen said with soft encouragement. 

“…Fine,” Haruko mocked a whine but was too tired to do so. Cullen stood up first and waited as Haruko took the time to stretch. Masamune slowly crawled his way out from under the table and stretched too before he shook out his fur. Haruko then turned to Cullen. He offered a hand to show her the way to go, and she walked with him. But it was she who slipped a hand into his as they walked. She was the one who still craved that contact, and Cullen as all too happy to oblige. He didn’t so much as let go as they awkwardly walked down the stairs and out to the ramparts.

They slowed down as they walked out into the night air. Cullen was the one to slow down intentionally so he could watch as Haruko turned her attention to the night sky. It was amazing to see her admire something with her entire being. Regardless if she was tired and exhausted from the day’s work, Haruko still looked to nature and its inherent beauty. Ever since that one night in Haven, Cullen had found himself looking out at nature, if only to make sure to show Haruko someday.

“They’re so beautiful,” Haruko whispered. There were few words that would make this moment better. But Cullen remained silent. Haruko was shy about romance, more so than he ever was. The simplest comments would make her clam up and cause her face to turn the brightest shade of red.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Cullen gave the slightest murmurs. Haruko probably didn’t hear him. There was no initial reaction, no whip of her head as she would turn and give him that shocked look. At least he said it to her. But the sad truth was, she did hear him. She just couldn’t bear to look at him. No one in the world thought she was beautiful, not this broken mess. But for one moment, just one moment, she took that comment and kept it locked away in her memories forever…until one day she could respond without getting shy or embarrassed.

They walked further until they reached the doors of her quarters. Maeve was probably going to be pretty pissed that Haruko returned so late. Either that or she was completely asleep and she was in for an earful later. That made Haruko not want to leave Cullen’s side even less. He didn’t seem to let go of her hand either. 

“Get some rest,” he said. Haruko looked over at him and watched as his face got closer to hers. She waited for his lips to find hers, but instead she felt the press of his lips on her forehead instead. Haruko felt a wave of disappointment in her chest as she looked back at Cullen. But how could she ask for such a thing? Was it even right of her to do so? The very thought had her cheeks burning.

She wanted a kiss from him. Not just this light show of affection, but the one that she received on the battlements when they first admitted their feelings for each other. She desired that same feeling it invoked even when she couldn’t explain it. But her words were lost in her mind. Stuck somewhere between her brain and her vocal cords. Cullen’s lips left her forehead and she prayed he would hear her thoughts rather than her words that refused to speak. 

Cullen looked down at her. That same smile as before. The content, happy smile she remembered so vividly that day. But instead of his face slowly getting closer, it remained there. Half of Haruko’s brain wanted to pout, while the other half was still scrambling to speak up. None of them seemed to move from their spot. Regardless if Cullen had said the words “get some rest” they did not hurry to part from one another. In fact, they seemed to be stuck there, just looking at each other’s faces.

“J-just my forehead gets a kiss?” Haruko finally managed to fumble out. Sure, use humour here, that’s a great way to ruin a relationship. There was that chuckle again and that smile that she couldn’t get enough of. 

“Would that not be too bold of me? You are the one that is bashful,” he teased lightly. Haruko did pout, but only when her face lit up in a bright red color. But he couldn’t hide his own light blush. She had the desire for a kiss, a more intimate one than a light brush on her cheek or her forehead. The only reason he had not kissed her out right was because he was afraid that is not what she wanted. They were both fools for one another.

Cullen then leaned down once more and Haruko could feel the press of his lips against hers. It was the same feeling as on the ramparts, but slow. There was no one here to interrupt them this time. It was a gentle, and tender moment that neither Haruko nor Cullen wanted to end. There were too many feelings to understand, things that could not be explained in words. It nearly felt as though the world stopped for a moment and then reset itself once they parted.

Haruko kept her eyes closed as she felt Cullen rest his forehead against hers. Was this what it felt like to be in love with someone? 

“You…I shouldn’t keep you much longer,” Cullen whispered softly. Haruko barely had time to register those words before there was another brief kiss on her lips and the Cullen stepped away. Haruko blinked a little then the blush set in even further. Cullen’s own face was just as red as hers. Both of them seemed unable to make eye contact.

“Right,” Haruko said with a soft nod. Cullen watched as Haruko walked to the door. He made no effort to let go of the hand that was in his, not until it had reached out to its limit. Haruko gave a small glance over her shoulder and flashed him one last smile before her figure retreated behind the shadow of the closed door.

“Maker’s Breath,” he breathed. Only Haruko was the only one that seemed to take his breath away.

Haruko closed the door softly behind her and leaned her head against it. Cullen was the only man that had ever made her feel this way. All of that frustration, research, pain…it was worth it if she got to see that smile and be in his calm embrace. That same smile she flashed Cullen was upon her lips, even as she walked away from the door and slowly crawled into her bed


	24. One Small Step for Love, One Giant Leap for Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blackwall and Maeve have yet to move forward with their own relationship. Haruko has stepped in but only finds that this will not be so simple a fix.

Since Haruko and Dorian had set Blackwall and Maeve up, the two had been speaking to one another on more of a friendship level. It was nice to see that they were on friendly terms, but Haruko had heard more than once from Maeve that she wished for more than just that friendship. They talked, enjoyed each other’s company, but that was about it. Blackwall had tried, seriously tried to get past whatever it was he was struggling against. More than one occasion, Blackwall had shied from Maeve’s touch. And Haruko thought she was the shy one of the group. Currently, Haruko and Dorian were now enjoying a friendly game of chess, enjoying the light rain that came down over Skyhold.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were practicing,” Dorian commented moving his piece. Haruko gave a small groan in frustration. She wasn’t exactly the most practiced at chess, but she was pretty good at it. The last few games had turned into stalemates. Neither one had succeeded in winning. If Dorian came close, Haruko would have found a way to counter it with ease. Should Haruko come close, it was just the same. As if by magic. The woman had a sneaking suspicion that he was using magic at some point.

“Yeah and apparently I still cannot win against you,” she growled out. “Even Cullen beat you!”

“That was a lucky day for the Commander,” Dorian said as he set about resetting the board. Haruko leaned back in her chair and watched the rain fall outside of the gazebo. It was a light rain that only seemed to dim the sunlight that peaked through the clouds. Even so, it was soothing to listen too as she watched the landscape hold a beautiful sheen.

“Perhaps you will get as lucky? You almost had me there,” Dorian teased lightly. Haruko gave a light scoff without looking in his direction.

“Ha ha, almost does not count in chess,” Haruko grumbled. Dorian chuckled lightly.

“How has your friend been fairing after our little intervention?” Dorian then asked. Haruko looked over at him with a small glance before her eyes wandered back to the outside garden.

“I thought you’d be the first to know their situation,” Haruko retorted with a mocking smirk. “She, after all, is all over you.”

“Ha hah! What woman hasn’t fallen completely for me?” Dorian laughed. It was true. There were too many women inside the walls of Skyhold that would willingly throw themselves at Dorian. However, the mage was not interested in the advances of women. There was a soft clink of a piece upon the chessboard. Haruko turned to look at the newest game that Dorian started.

“Uh me,” Haruko then said. Her face concentrated on the game before her. “I only like your mustache.”

“Guess I will have to do better to win your heart over,” Dorian said. Haruko gave a light chuckle as she regarded the board even more. The longer they continued to play, the more Haruko started to think about the strategies and movies that she would need to execute in order to beat Dorian. Trying to best the intelligent mage was harder than it looked. 

“You’re going to have to get past the big scary lion first,” Haruko said as she moved her chosen piece. 

“Ha! That man is far less scary now that you are with him,” the mage said with a laugh. Haruko gave a small smile. The rumor went that Cullen had softened a bit since they had begun their relationship. Not to say that his harshness with his soldiers had changed, but he was…kinder might not have been the correct term. Friendly towards his fellows. It was something hard to describe when he did not seem to change all that much to the soldiers he commanded. Perhaps it was something that only his soldiers could see.

“But I would not be on the wrong end of his sword when you are involved,” Dorian then said. Haruko gave a wider grin as she watched as Dorian made his own move. Their conversation died down for a few more moves, until Dorian broke the silence.

“Do you always compare people to animals?” he finally asked. Haruko leaned back in her chair as she watched the board. They were evenly matched, again. Haruko gave a sigh of frustration before she looked back to Dorian. 

“Not usually,” Haruko answered. “People call me a wolf. I don’t see myself as a wolf. Cullen’s a lion because he has that big fur…whatever it is over his shoulders…Leliana the crow because of her stealth and perhaps the fact that she always has crows to send messages…Bull is…well a bull, that’s not hard to figure out.”

“They are the only ones that get animal personas?” Dorian asked.

“Aw, are you jealous?” Haruko teased.

“Hardly, I was merely curious is all,” Dorian then said. Haruko moved her piece once more. Now it was his turn to sit back and think.

“Good, it is not exactly a fun thing to be compared to,” Haruko muttered. Dorian smirked underneath that well-kept mustache of his. He knew that Haruko was not exactly thrilled that she had been christened with the name “Wolf” and was all but completely against it. Haruko had pointed out that nicknames were never picked, there were always given. As was evident with her own name.

“You never really did answer my first question,” he decided to change the subject.

“And that would be?” Haruko asked as Dorian moved his piece.  
“How is their relationship so far after we intervened?” Dorian repeated. Haruko looked a little confused before her brain decided to fill the rest of the missing information. Dorian spoke of Maeve and Blackwall.

“You should know more about that than me,” Haruko repeated her previous answer with a little less sass. “I’ve been to hell and back with little time to catch up on the gossip here.”

“You’re right, and it is only because you volunteer to go to hell and back,” he reminded. Haruko scowled a bit as she placed her piece down with a little more force than needed.

“To catch you up, they seem to be getting along fine. But their relationship has yet to move past this friendship stage,” Dorian then spoke lightly. Haruko sighed heavily. It was the same story as what Maeve had, with a wine or two, explained to Haruko. To even call it a friendship stage might be a little generous.

“Maybe they need to stay there as me and Cullen did,” Haruko then suggested with a light shrug. But not all relationships were the same. What Haruko and Cullen experienced would be far different than what Maeve and Blackwall would experience. Which meant that if they were to get those two together, it would take a different strategy all together.

“You two were practically undressing one another your eyes every time you two spoke to each other,” Dorian teased. He watched as a bright shade of red spread all over Haruko’s face. It was such a joy to see that she was still rather shy and embarrassed about the entire notion of being in an active relationship. The fact that Haruko was such an outspoken woman for anything else but romance was hysterical.

“I digress. Not every relationship follows the exact same path to reach their ultimate destination. Even you can see that they need to move forward with their relationship. Maeve has this sweet crush on the bearded man and he needs to win the fair maiden’s heart,” Dorian then said. Haruko gave a sigh. In truth, she did not know what the right answer was in this situation. They gave them that push they needed to get to the point of friendship, but now…Haruko felt that it was up to Maeve and Blackwall to move forward into a more…committed relationship. That was something neither Dorian nor Haruko could interfere with. The woman sighed.

“I agree with you on them moving forward…don’t know if I would use the same words though,” Haruko said. She looked down at the board once more and then moved her piece with confidence.

“And I believe I win this time around,” she said with a grin on her face.

Dorian looked at the board with surprise. Haruko’s grin only widened when Dorian seemed to get this slight scowl on his face. She finally beat him, and she could not wait to tell Cullen.

“Seems you get distracted when speaking,” Haruko joked lightly. They both laughed before waiting for the rain to stop enough for them to move out on their own.

~

Haruko was on her way to the daily meeting with Cullen and the rest of the leaders for the Inquisition Army. It was boring, dull, and not even a tiny bit interesting. But there was the fact that she was close to Cullen, and that in itself made this far less painful. There were other things on her mind. Since she and Dorian had that chess session, she had thought a lot on Maeve’s situation.

It was true, the two were in this awkward rut. Even Sera had come up to talk to Haruko, when she was last in the tavern, and complain that Blackwall had done nothing to “take action.” Haruko was not one to rush things that people were not necessarily ready to do, but the problem was still ever present. Blackwall obviously had feelings for Maeve, that much was evident, but something was preventing him from moving forward. It obviously was not anything to do with affection, as he was better with showing affection. It was after a small sigh of affection, a hug, or a time where they held hands for any length of time that there was a hint of trouble. The man would internalize everything and then brush everyone else off. That included Maeve. Whether it be a Grey Warden thing, or something personal that interfered with his life, Blackwall was troubled by something. And maybe Dorian was right. Perhaps they needed to give just one last nudge.

“Lastly I want a volunteer group to go to the Hinterlands as a hunting party,” Cullen’s voice broke through her thoughts. A thought occurred in Haruko at that moment. This would be the perfect opportunity to talk with Blackwall. The man was used to the woods, and perhaps she could get Cullen to pair up with her. There needed to be something done about this stagnant relationship that Maeve and Blackwall were currently in. Haruko’s hand shot up in the air without a second thought.

“Captain?” Cullen asked in surprise. Haruko wasn’t one to go on hunting trips. Hell he thought she would volunteer for the front line position in the Emerald Graves against the Free Men, much to his worry and displeasure.

“It will be okay Commander,” a veteran captain said. “Captain Haruko has put herself at the front lines far too much for any one captain. It will be good to give her some sort of break she is willing to take.”

Haruko gave a small scowl. She only volunteered for those positions because no one else would be willing or hesitated. Yes, she didn’t like her job, killing people, or violence, but she was not going to sit around while innocent people were out there dying.

“Fine, dismissed,” Cullen said with authority in his voice. 

“Sir,” they all said with a salute. The rest of the men and women left Cullen’s office and left Cullen and Haruko to speak in private. There was a look of concern on his face.

“I thought you most of all would be thrilled about me taking a step back from my normal rash behavior,” Haruko said with a light tease. There was a faint smile that appeared on that worried face of the Commander.

“Are you taking on a bit too much as of late? I know your last quest in the Fallow Mire was…” he then asked. Haruko gave him a gentle smile and then walked up to give him a small, reassuring hug.

“I’m doing all right, Cullen. You know I can come to you if I ever need anything,” she said calmly. It felt nice to have him hug her like this. His grip was strong and yet he held her with such gentle tenderness. Her eyes closed and she rested her head against his shoulder the best she could when he was still in his armor and she in mere civilian clothes. 

“I do have a favor to ask of you,” Haruko then said. They moved so they could both look at each other. Cullen waited for the request.

“Can I get you to tell Blackwall to come with? I have to talk to him without much distraction,” Haruko asked lightly. Cullen looked rather surprised by that request. Never before had she actually asked for a specific person to accompany her on an assignment. It was rather unsettling, especially when the smallest thought whispered that she might ask for him to accompany her.

“I don't think I need to speak to Grey Warden Blackwall to get him to go on this mission, and if you decided to want him to come with you, you would have asked him to do so,” Cullen answered yet the worried look on his face remained.

“Yes, but that would defeat the purpose of asking the favor,” Haruko said with a light smile. It only seemed to make his worry turn into suspicion. 

“What exactly are you planning?” he asked. If he knew Haruko, he would wager that she had some sort of devious idea. And there was no hiding it, not when she had a smile slowly spread across her face. Haruko couldn’t tell a lie.

“Me? I just thought he would know more of the area and how to hunt. He could give me a few pointers,” Haruko answered but not completely. Cullen cooked his head slightly in question and waited for Haruko to tell him the whole truth.

“Okay, I need to figure out what's eating him so that he can finally be with Maeve without that constant look of loneliness and longing,” she said. Cullen game a small sigh. There was nothing these two women would do to help each other out. He knew exactly what happened to get Haruko in this relationship and it was only a matter of time before Haruko would return the favor.

“You didn't need to ask for my permission,” Cullen said as he looked back down at Haruko’s upturned face. 

“And you know I can't lie to save my life. Blackwall would have known if I was lying about your order to have him come along,” Haruko pointed out.

“True, but when has that stopped you from taking initiative?” he then asked. Haruko gave a little sheepish smile coupled with a giggle. Yes, there was nothing yet that stopped Haruko from achieving anything. Her motivations were always to do better, to save a life or several lives. Haruko had no selfish intent.

“That may be true, but I wanted to cover my butt,” Haruko said simply. “It also would make me look less suspicious.”

Blackwall wasn't exactly a stupid man. He might be a little oblivious and brood twenty-three out of the twenty-four hours in a day, but he was keen when someone was trying to lie to him. Coupled with Haruko’s inability to lie, it would just make her mission to figure out what was eating at Blackwall and preventing him from committing to an actual relationship. Haruko did not want to make this a bigger problem. She’d much rather keep it as simple as possible. If anything, perhaps give a small chip to allow the towering wall to fall for Maeve.

“You have my order to take Warden Blackwall on this mission,” Cullen said with a mocked form of formality. Haruko gave a small giggle. He didn't have to make it so official. Now all that was left was to get ready for simple hunting mission as a disguise for Haruko’s true mission.

~

Haruko stretched out wide as she sat in Yakul’s saddle. It was strange to not be out on the front lines, to not hear the sounds of war and agony. But for once, Haruko enjoyed the sounds of nature around them. Their mission was a simple hunting mission and with most of the conflict in the Hinterlands taken care of, they could hunt in relative peace. There was still the occasional bear that they would have to outrun. 

“You seem rather bored,” Blackwall's voice said in amusement. Haruko turned to see that the Warden sat lazily in the saddle of his horse. To her relief, the bearded man did not suspect a thing when she convinced him to come along. Though, there was not much need to convince someone to come along if there was an order to back up her request. 

“Hm? Bored? Nah just…enjoying the quiet,” Haruko said. “I’ve volunteered for more violent and… active places that it’s… almost strange to be in a place so peaceful and relatively still…”

It was almost weird. Haruko found her peace when she returned back to Skyhold, in a book she read, or perhaps a small moment with Cullen or her friends. Anywhere else just seemed to be filled with people that we willing to destroy the lives of others for selfish reasons. For Haruko, it seemed only natural to stand against it, even if that meant she suffered nightmares, guilt, and the like. Sometimes she would find solace in the landscape around her, but her mind often wandered too much for that to last.

“The life of a warrior without the war,” Blackwall commented quietly. He was well aware of what Haruko was going through. Sometimes the past crept up in horrific ways, and those that sacrifice themselves for the sake of others often sacrificed their own minds and sanity in order to deal with the cruel reality of war. That was a lesson Blackwall knew well.

“But don't get me wrong, it's nice to finally put down the sword and enjoy life in peace,” Haruko added lightly. She'd much rather have this. Just a simple hunting trip. No one to fight against, no innocent person to be caught in the middle of turbulent times. Things like this were simple, enjoyable. Blackwall said nothing in return. Haruko had to turn in her saddle to watch as Blackwall placed a finger to his lip. Haruko nodded in response and slowly looked about the landscape.

“I think you might be the only person who could honestly say that,” Blackwall said. Haruko gave him a soft glance. Did he want to put down the sword? It wasn’t exactly that hard, especially if you only carried a sword around to protect others anyway. Or perhaps it was something she could only do because she never grew up in Thedas. There were certain things lost to her, feelings and emotions or conditioning she would have gotten had she grown up in this world. Whether that be a blessing or a burden, no one would ever know.

“But,” Blackwall continued. “Could you completely give it up?”

“…” Haruko did not answer right away. That was a philosophical question that only open to more questions. If she could put it down, then she would no longer have to fight. That event would only arise if she were able to return home. As that was not the case, she could not safely say that she would put it down.

“I think the phrase _put down the sword_ can be interpreted in many different ways,” Haruko said. Yakul half leapt over a fallen log before Haruko could continue.

“I have never lifted by arms against someone out of spite, malicious intent, or otherwise. I have only used it to protect people,” she explained. 

“If only others would follow such a noble example,” Blackwall said. Apparently it was something to look up to. Haruko gave a small scowl even as they continued to ride further into the wilderness. Was it that hard to lead by example? Or to follow ideals that you wished?

“I only want to do good things for people. I don’t see how that is such a hard concept,” Haruko half complained. The air around her then felt heavy. Her words hung in the air and lingered even as she listened to the echoing sound of Yakul’s hooves in the grass. Something about her words made the mood far darker than she had intended. 

“Blackwall?” Haruko asked. She turned to see he had completely stopped behind her. Haruko was already two horse lengths in front of him. Yakul slowed to a halt. Blackwall sat there with a dark and gloomy expression on his features. His eyes were down cast and in deep thought, as though Haruko had said something too harsh. It begged the question; what happened? Was there something that occurred in his past that made him question such simple things?

“You’re right, it isn’t a hard concept,” he finally said.

_I was wondering how much longer he would remain in that gloomy state._ Haruko thought to herself. 

“I guess we forget about human nature sometimes,” he said. He urged his horse to walk on. Haruko watched him for a moment and regarded the events that led up to this. Most days he would be all for being an inspiration to people, saying how they could change the world for the better if they just believed in things like honor, and sacrifice. Things that drove the Grey Wardens to do what they do. And the next, if someone would ask how hard it was to do such things, to live as the legends were, he would fall into a state of depression. It was rather…odd to put it lightly. 

“Then why are you not living like that?” Haruko asked. Blackwall pulled back on the reins to stop his horse. He looked back at her with this different look. It wasn’t something Haruko could describe in words.

“Why do you think I joined the Grey Wardens?” he asked in a near snappish tone. Haruko shrugged. 

“Maybe you’re trying in your own way. Doesn’t explain why you would get so bummed out over trying to live up to the legend,” she replied. There was a light scoff.

“It’s not an easy legend to live up to, I will admit, but I strive every day to show everyone what it means to be a Grey Warden,” he said. Haruko looked at him seriously for a moment. He regarded her with strength, willing to stand up for his beliefs but it was waning under her piercing glare. Perhaps she did not mean it to be so harsh, or it was not the proper way to describe it. Haruko watched him, observed him as she would over her men. She looked for the errors, the holes in their defenses, on purpose. It was meant to help them improve, but why was she watching him with that same look.

“Is that also why you haven’t moved forward with your relationship with Maeve?” she asked. The shock on his face was immense. Haruko was well aware the Grey Wardens sacrifice everything in their previous lives in order to fulfill their code of honor. 

“Why would you?” he started and watched as Haruko heaved a heavy sigh.

“And I thought I was terrible with romance,” she muttered. “Have you thought about moving forward with your awkward relationship with Maeve? Both of you are clearly interested in one another so what is holding you back?”

There she said it. There was no more beating around the bush. As much time as Maeve and Dorian had put in to helping her with her relationship with Cullen, she was not nearly so patient. Dorian would talk to Maeve, and smooth things over on that end, but Haruko knew Blackwall was not one for parlour tricks and fancy words. He was an up front man who defended any threat with a swift punch. Even if that threat happens to be a witty comment.

And there Blackwall sat, in complete and utter surprise of Haruko’s blatant question. But when her words finally reached his brain, he looked from her watchful gaze. Haruko knew he made a commitment, but there did not seem to be anything in the books where it said they could not have a life. There was nothing in there that said they could not find love, or if there was, it was a pretty stupid thing to have. 

“Guess that’s at least a maybe then,” she said. Blackwall spurned his horse to walk away from her but Haruko was right behind him. He could hear Yakul walk up closer so that they might speak without having to shout. It would scare of any prey, not that they were successful at finding anything today. Haruko had been unusually chatty, and with this conversation going as it was, there was no telling when she would stop talking. Was this her plan all along?

“Blackwall,” Haruko called softly. He didn’t look at her. In fact, he looked away from her. There was a soft smile that appeared on her face.

“I’m not going to go away just because you look away from me,” she said with a light giggle in her tone. 

“Maker’s balls, woman, don’t you have better things to do then to annoy me?” he asked. At least he looked at her this time. Haruko gave a sigh.

“Right now I want to return the favor to a friend that helped me out not too long ago,” she explained. Blackwall looked confused at her.

“I see the way you look at her… the way you two talk and act…” she said. The leather from her saddle gave a soft groan as she shifted forward to try and get Blackwall to look her straight in the eyes.

“You can’t tell me that you are not interested in her,” she said with sincerity. Blackwall urged his horse to walk away from Haruko once again. The woman was asking too much of him. He was Grey Warden, a person that had given up worldly things in order to protect the world from the threat of darkspawn. There was no life worth living with him. But he could not decide what was worse. The thought that she would be happier without him…or the thought of ending their current relationship.

“Come on Blackwall, you can’t tell me that you haven’t thought about moving forward,” Haruko called after him.

“I have,” he snapped at her. The horse he rode whipped around as best it could, the poor thing. “But I know what my duty is, what would be better for her! The best thing to do is to let her hate me! To see that I am not worth a man pursuing!”

Haruko was shocked. First, Blackwall never got to the point of shouting before, and second, there was no way he truly believed that. Then there was this unusual lash out at Haruko. There was emotion behind his shout that gave Haruko means for a pause. He was too harsh, more so than he ever truly was with the men of Skyhold. 

“You don’t really believe that,” Haruko took the chance. She had no real way of knowing if that was truly how he felt, but there was something that seemed off. No one would just half hop into a relationship and then suddenly want the exact opposite. Well, not unless they were truly sadistic or a sociopath. Blackwall looked angrily at her, yet he did not back away from her. He sat tall on his horse, but said nothing. Haruko pressed further.

“We both know the kind of man you are. The one that follows honor and chivalry above all else,” she said.

“What would you know about me?” Blackwall said. His tone was a warning. Haruko had to tread carefully here. 

“Unless you really like acting the part, lecturing the men of Skyhold day in and out about doing the honorable thing, about being a hero, about saving lives, your actions contradict your words,” she stated. There was a silence. This was a heavy silence. Blackwall said nothing to dismiss her statement but also did not say anything to help Haruko get to the root of the problem. If anything, it proved that she was right about his feeling for Maeve. This silence could not continue. 

“Just ask her,” Haruko said in a near pleading tone.

“I can’t,” he then said. “I swore myself to the cause of the Grey Wardens-“

“Oh cut it out with that crap!” Haruko said harshly. Unlike other people, she could not stand it when she could obviously see someone making excuses to not do something they wanted to do. It did not help that she sometimes did this, but that is why she had friends to call her out. Blackwall needed one of those people, even if he didn’t necessarily want it.

“Do you like Maeve?” Haruko asked. Blackwall said nothing. Instead he turned his horse around and it started to walk briskly away.

“We’re done here,” he muttered angrily. Haruko wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She gave a nudge to Yakul’s sides with her heels and he dashed forward. Blackwall’s horse jumped in fright but now Haruko was in front of Blackwall.

“Quite acting like a coward!” Haruko called him out.

“I am no coward,” Blackwall growled out. Haruko gave a mocked laugh.

“And this is proof? All you are doing is running away from the situation because it terrifies you,” she said. It was cruel and harsh, but Blackwall would not have a logical debate with her about it. Nor would he face the fact that his feelings for her best friend have grown and he was terrified of that idea. But eve her patience was running thin with this man. If he continued to refuse to listen to her, refuse to look at the facts presented to him and lie, then she was done helping out.

“If you were half the hero you want to be,” Haruko then said softly. “You would at least end it with Maeve instead of cruelly dragging her along. Because that is worse than being a coward.”

With that, Haruko turned Yakul and they rode off into the forest. Blackwall was left to think about those words very, very carefully.

“Maker’s balls…” he breathed in an anguished whisper.

~  
Blackwall rode into Skyhold with a heavy heart. Haruko’s words echoed in his mind in an unending litany of harsh words. The thought of him possibly ending the relationship he had with Maeve was as equally terrifying as moving forward with it. But could he afford such a relationship? He himself gave a heavy sigh and walked his horse back to the stables and took up his wood working.

What was Maeve to him thus far? She had become an invaluable friend. She made him laugh, took his mind off of things that bugged him. She was bright, was good at getting information as she had been trained and then some. She had a lot of qualities like Sera, but she was kinder about it. She liked helping people, taking their burdens away, things that Blackwall often looked up to. And yet now he wavered. If he wanted this relationship all he had to do was go ask her. 

“Damnit!” Blackwall muttered to himself. His chisel and hammer slammed down on his work table and he stared down in thought. He had given his life to the Grey Wardens, a life that dedicated every breath to destroying darkspawn. There was no life after that. There was no room for romance. There was no room for love. Not when he swore his being to the protection of the world. Maybe he could use some fresh air to clear his mind.

So he walked out of the stables and up the nearest steps to the ramparts of Skyhold. They had finally made the necessary repairs to defend the people that resided within this mountain fortress. And the repairs within were right on schedule. This place was a bastion of safety for the countless innocent lives that wished for protection. His hand ran over the stone, but his gaze out to the mountains that surrounded them. Yet he was not truly looking at the landscape, not when his mind was somewhere else.

“Hey,” a voice called softly. Blackwall blinked for a moment and looked to his side. There stood Maeve in her usual armour. If he had a guess, she had just come back from her own mission. But damnit, why did she have to show up when he had yet to sort out his thoughts.

“Hey…” he replied. It sounded strange, but it was a greeting from her world. Why was he so bent on trying to include things from her world? He should end their relationship, make it so that she did not fall for him, or even come close to liking him. The stakes were too high and…well…he just wasn’t the man for her. And yet his lips were sealed and his words muted. There was nothing that Blackwall had in his mind that was brought forth. There was only silence.

“Did something happen on your hunting trip?” Maeve asked. She walked up to him and stood right beside him. Blackwall like it and hated it. He shouldn’t be developing these feelings for her. Not when…

“Haruko came back almost a week ahead of you,” Maeve continued. “She said that you were impossible to hunt with.”

Now that was a terrible lie. Haruko didn’t say anything about their conversation or rather argument?

“She just can’t compete with the better hunter,” Blackwall said. He tried to hide his own lost thoughts but his tone did not match his words.

“I get the feeling that isn’t exactly what happened,” Maeve pointed out with a bit of a laugh. “Haruko doesn’t leave a man behind for nothing. Not unless they did something to make her mad.”

“Are you saying that _I_ made her mad?” Blackall asked. He was genuinely surprised and even spared a glance down at the shorter woman. There was an amused smile on her face and a soft giggle that escaped her lips. Blackwall wished he hadn’t looked.

“I think she made herself mad,” Maeve said with a little bit of a laugh. “Sometimes she gets frustrated with the silliest things. I think she might have seen something that made her upset and just used you as an excuse to hide her own dumb feelings.”

Nothing could have been farther from the truth. In reality, Haruko truly was frustrated with Blackwall. But Maeve didn’t necessarily need to know that. Hell, he was surprised that she did not already know with Leliana’s agents in every dark corner of Thedas gathering information for the Inquisition. Blackwall’s gaze returned to the mountains without him really looking at anything in particular.

“Something did happen, didn’t it?” Maeve finally asked. “You got that grumpy face like someone said something mean to you.”

Blackwall was hardly the type to get offended by someone saying something “mean” to him. But what Maeve said was not exactly far from the truth. To that he gave a small sigh. He was confused, conflicted, angry, frustrated, things that could only lightly describe the turmoil within his brain.

“Well…it wasn't exactly like someone said something to hurt my feelings,” he half attempted to joke around. Maeve had a smile that slowly spread across her worried face. Something was eating Blackwall and he wasn't opening up to her. It was the same old thing time and time again. Why did she even try to speak to him when he wouldn't open up? Perhaps it was because Dorian said to try again. Or perhaps it was because she had a sneaking suspicion that it was he who made Haruko mad. She could get this information from Leliana herself but that would defeat the purpose of attempting to make this relationship something more than an awkward half friendship, half relationship.

“What’s really going on?” Maeve finally asked. Blackwall looked to her and his eyes nearly pleaded with her not to ask. No part of him wanted to hurt her, and if that meant ending it then…but that thought was worse than anything else he could think of. He gave another sigh and looked down at the stone before him.

“I’m a bloody coward,” he murmured softly.

“What?” Maeve asked. She only heard some of his sentence.

“Maeve, I’m a coward…there is no part of me that is worthy to have you as something more. You shouldn't want someone like me,” Blackwall said sadly. Maeve was speechless, beyond shocked.

“I swore myself to the Grey Wardens…and they give up everything in their lives to dedicate themselves to fighting darkspawn and keeping the world safe…” he continued. But when he faced her, his eyes said something completely different. “I would bring you nothing but heart ache and misery…”

He trailed off. The words were stuck in his mind, stuck in his throat. Maker why could he face down a hundred men willing to kill him with no fear and yet this woman took his words and courage from him. The look on her face was confused, hurt, things he didn't want to see. He wanted to see her smile, happy, laughing…he wanted…

_Do you like Maeve?_

The question echoed loudly in his head.

_Yes._

That was the reply. Blackwall looked at Maeve for what seemed to be an eternity. She watched as he turned away for the third time and felt her heart breaking. What did he mean? Was he calling it off? Were they breaking up? Not that they were really together in the first place, but still, that is what it felt like.

“So…so what are you saying?” she asked softly. There was another heavy sigh. It was possible her words were far too soft for him to hear her, or it was possible that he did hear her but was not sure how to answer.

“I don't know what I am trying to say…I am not the man you want me to be…the man that you deserve…yet I cannot bring myself to hurt you more, to walk away. I cannot do the honorable thing and end it before it even starts,” he explained. He returned his gaze to her. It was almost as though he was asking for her to call it off. Maeve finally understood. He _liked_ her. Dorian and Haruko were both right. The man was incapable of speaking his feelings but his actions spoke louder. They might have been subtle, the use of his words, the way he treated her. It was far more delicate and shy but out of fear for hurting her. This was something she never expected from a man that swore his life to fighting Thedas’ most formidable creature.

“Blackwall…” Maeve said softly. For some reason, she felt compelled to take his hand. Like she had done so many times before. How could she comfort him? A man who was so troubled and confused as to what the right thing to do was? 

“…I’m not going anywhere,” she finally said.

“You don't know what you are saying,” Blackwall replied. Yet his hand did not tug away.

“I know exactly what I am saying,” Maeve continued. “You are the man that I want to spend my time with. You’re the one that I think would be perfect for me.”

“Don’t…you don't know,” Blackwall continued. He looked like he was in literal pain.

“And neither do you…you're afraid of what might happen if I am with you…what would happen to me…if that is not proof that you had a good character, I don't know what is,” she said. Blackwall sighed. He knew this was a bad idea, knew that he needed to walk away, but how could he? He cared for Maeve, truly, and wanted to see her happy, wanted to make her life, wanted to be the one to do these things. The grip on her hand tightened just a little bit. There was a light tug and Maeve looked up at Blackwall’s intense gaze.

“Then as the stars as my witness, I will swear to make you happy…” he whispered. His head came closer to hers, and trapped her lips to his. His beard tickled against her skin like a bunch a little tinier kisses on her skin. Time stood still, even as the lights above them twinkled in glittery silence. Finally, they were together, officially. Maeve could not be happier. Her arms wrapped around him and their kiss turned into a silent hug. 

_The stars as my witness…I want me and him to be the happiest people alive._ Maeve silently wished into the night sky.


	25. Quest For the Source of Red Lyrium; A Test in Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko will not let Samson and his Red Templars escape the wrath of the Inquisition. Not when it hurt Cullen to see his old order being used for the utmost evil. But at what cost will she be willing to go?

Six months since they appeared here in Skyhold, the Inquisition forces had stretched out all over Thedas. Haruko did her best to contribute to the cause. Not many people knew that she came from somewhere that wasn't Thedas, but the knowledge that she rose up quickly in the ranks seemed to unsettle some of the more veteran of the troops. Many of those that joined their cause and went through her beginner’s course quickly learned why she rose up so quickly. But that was also the reason why she had turned into a specialized force. It was through her own actions, passion and compassion that garnered ridiculously loyal soldiers, but not necessarily loyal to the Inquisition. They took to the nickname that the Iron Bull had come up with back when they were in Haven, and became proud of that name. Apparently, they were prouder of the name and the group than being a part of the Inquisition. For Haruko, as long as they were willing to fight for what was right, to fight to protect innocent people from the destruction of Corypheus, and to stand up for those who could not in the face of evil, she did not mind the new group. 

“Ser!” someone called out. Haruko turned to see that it was Ian, again. He’d become Haruko’s main messenger when it came to her squad’s activities. Now that was a weird way of looking at things. It used to be that they were just a part of the Inquisition army, now they were their own entity. That would have to take some getting used to. But it was weird that Ian would come all this way to her private quarters. Though it was not so private when she brought her work into this room. Her desk was full of reports that she had to go over, or her own to write. 

“What is it Ian?” Haruko asked as she put down the current report she was reading.

“Commander Cullen wishes to see you,” he reported formally. He gave a small salute but Haruko waved a hand to dismiss it. Her and Ian had gone past the point of rivals and now friends. Thus, she hated being so formal. Cullen on the other hand, had a very different view on that. If he so much as caught one of them being disrespectful or casual to her, he would make sure to give them a full lecture and some sort of chore as punishment. Haruko had already voiced her annoyance at that but there was little room to argue when his motives were not just because he was the Commander of the Inquisition. By now Ian would have dropped the formalities, but he seemed too tense to even do that. Something was amiss.

“It’s that serious?” Haruko asked with a note of concern. Ian gave a slight nod.

“His face seemed grim…” Ian admitted. “and…he looked rather pale today.”

Haruko gave a small sigh and leaned back in her chair. Cullen was experiencing Lyrium withdraw. There were days that it was unbearable to handle. He would not eat or his headaches would prevent him not to. Some night he would be up at all hours of the night. She knew, she’d seen the candle light from his chambers from time to time. So far, the herbal remedies would help, but it would only serve to help his minor days. Anything more than that and he might as well have drank water. There were days where Haruko thought Cullen said it worked when it really didn't. Much of her research had halted when she found nothing more to add to it. Now it was just a trial and error period of what worked and what didn't.

“Is this an urgent issue?” Haruko asked as her eyes looked up at Ian. He a nod but nothing else. Haruko nodded to herself and stood up from her desk. She stepped around it, grabbed a piece of paper and walked over to Ian.

“Here’s a schedule of what to do for the next week or so. Adjust it if things run ahead of schedule,” she said with her captain’s serious tone. 

“Yes Ser!” Ian said formally. He then turned and left Haruko to her thoughts. 

_I bet Cullen gave him a lecture something awful._ She thought. But that was not all she thought about. Her worry only grew as she continued to entertain the idea that Cullen was not doing so well. The only way she would know for certain as to his condition would be to go and visit him herself. Since he requested her presence, Haruko wasted little time getting ready. Masamune pricked his ears forward as he watched his pack mate fiddle with the belts on her vest and on her wrists. 

“Come on boy, let’s go check up on the poor guy,” Haruko said to Masamune. The wolf lifted his head for a moment and then lurched forward to catch up with Haruko. She had already crossed the room to open the door. The wolf walked out of the room and down the hall with little supervision. The people of Skyhold have come to know who Masamune was. He wasn't quite what Haruko would call a mascot but a lot of people enjoyed seeing him…or complained that he should be on a leash. Haruko refused to do that, but she did agree to have a collar to signify that he was tamed.

They walked through the halls and greeted the many different peoples that came to give Skyhold their regards. Those that had children relished the chance to pet a wolf and in return get a slight lesson on not petting wild animals. They walked through the small crowd that gathered in the Great Hall and then walked their way to Cullen’s office. Haruko gave a soft knock on the wooden door before she slowly opened it. Masamune waited patiently for the door to open wide enough for him to walk through. Once it was, he walked into Cullen’s office to see his second favorite person in the world. Haruko stood in the door way and watched as Cullen looked like he was in pain.

He gave a small smile to the wolf as he wagged his tail and begged for attention from the Commander. But that smile was strained.

 _Ian was right…be does look pale_ Haruko thought to herself.

“You’re always so full of energy, Masamune,” Cullen said with a light chuckle. The wolf leaned into the Commander’s legs as he got his back scratched. 

“How are you feeling today?” Haruko finally asked. Cullen looked up and gave that same old smile he always gave her. Again, it looked strained. He looked down at Masamune and gave one last pat on his head.

“It will pass as it always has,” he said tiredly.

“The herbs aren’t helping, are they?” Haruko asked with worry in her voice. Cullen gave a small sigh and a pained look at Haruko.

“It helps most days…” he said. Haruko figured that was only to make her feel better and nothing more. Half of her wished he would tell her the real truth, but half of her understood why he hid his pain as he did. Haruko would do the same thing if it meant things would continue smoothly. 

“I’ve found where the Red Templars come from,” Cullen said as though it were in passing.

“Really?” Haruko asked. If working helped him cope with this… 

“Therinfall, Redoubt.”

“That’s the Templar Fortress is it not?” Haruko asked as she came over to the desk to look at Cullen’s map. It wasn't exactly a place Haruko had been personally but she had seen it a few times on a map. Templar maps anyway.

“The knights were fed Red Lyrium that turned into monsters,” he continued to explain. “Samson took over after their corruption was complete.”

“Samson?” Haruko asked. Was he an ex-templar?

“He was a Templar in Kirkwall,” Cullen replied. He looked side and angry at the same time. 

“He was expelled from the Order. I knew he was an addict…but this…Red Lyrium is nothing like the Lyrium given by the Chantry. Its power comes with a terrible madness.”

Cullen was a former Templar as well. However, he wanted to do good through the Templars, protect people. Seeing someone that was a part of that life turn into something far worse…to go against every principle that he was taught…it must have hurt. 

“We cannot allow them to gain strength,” Cullen emphasized. Haruko would have to agree. Should the Templars gain any more ground than they already had, they would endanger the entire land of Thedas and then some. It would be far worse than the darkspawn though the Grey Warden’s might argue that point.

“The Red Templars still require Lyrium. If we can find their source…” Cullen continued.

“We could cut them off,” Haruko finished for him. 

“Yes…” Cullen said. He didn't look at her. That answer had venom dripping from each letter. Haruko looked up at him.

“You sound more upset than excited about this,” she said carefully.

“Samson should have known better,” Cullen said angrily. It did hurt. Everything that stood, the rules and principles…they were twisted into something evil and unrecognizable. Cullen must have had friends who were still Templars…and now…they might have turned into something monstrous.

“Caravans of Red Lyrium are being smuggled along trade roads,” Cullen continued. “Investigating them could lead to where it’s being mined.”

“And you want me to go investigate them?” Haruko asked. She had a feeling that Cullen asked her to listen to this. Surely, he had already brought it up to Hal, the Inquisitor, already. Yet, Cullen seemed to be hesitant. 

“Don’t worry, my men and I will get more information about where these bastards are getting their supply. Then we’ll cut them off and it will be a job well done,” Haruko encouraged. If this helped stop Corypheus, she was willing to volunteer. The Wolf Warriors would gladly make sure that the job got done. 

“I’m more worried about what they might have in store for you. Anything connected to Samson will be guarded,” Cullen said seriously. He was worried. Nothing about this war was safe and the one person he feared would get caught up and swept away in this violence stood before him. Haruko gave him a confident smile. If only she knew his thoughts.

“We’ve been through worse,” Haruko reminded. Yes, she had been through hell and back. Seen things that she would never speak of. Had a mountain fall on top of her, and still she could laugh in the face of danger. Haruko then pointed at the map on Cullen’s desk. 

“Looks like me and my men are heading into the Emerald Graves for a time,” she informed. No one would ever dare speak to Cullen like that, not for fear of retribution.

“Please…be careful,” Cullen insisted. Haruko looked at him. Though he might have been in pain, he still looked worried. More worried than any of the other crazy missions she had been on. Haruko gave him another confident smile. Somehow, she figured that alone would not soothe his worry.

“If I promise it won’t cost me an arm and a leg would it make you feel better?” Haruko asked with a giggle. There was a look of surprise, then Cullen cracked a smile. Haruko had a unique sense of humour, but he could not help but smile at it. She made light of the violent and terrifying past events that happened to her in order to set the air around her at ease. Yet it was that very fact that bad things, worse things could happen to her that made him terrified for her. So he walked around to the front of his desk and pulled her close. Haruko willingly leaned into his embrace. There they stood for a long and silent moment.

“I suppose it would help,” Cullen finally said. Haruko smiled but felt a hand shift so that he might make her look up at him. She gave him yet another smile, a loving smile. 

“I’ll be back I swear it,” she said as a promise.

“I’ll hold you too it…” he replied softly.

~

Haruko took only a small group of her men with her to the Emerald Graves. Information about the Red Lyrium trade was said to be in this area, and they were to scout out for it. The tough part was the fact that they left their mounts behind them. They needed to move through the forest as quietly as they could and without being seen. Yakul was a big, red beacon to the enemy and easily noticeable. In all honesty, Maeve was better suited for this work. However, Haruko wanted to do this for Cullen. He still suffered from the chains Lyrium wrapped around him, and she wanted to do anything she could to fight against it. Samson had caused this war to become personal. Those sorts of wars were never good and never ended well. Hopefully, Haruko could find the information intact. 

The first place they came up to was an abandoned camp. The people that were here were long dead. Perhaps someone already hunted them down, or perhaps the wilds fought back. There were creatures here that could easily crush a human being with one step. Haruko stepped forward to the carts while her men and women guarded the area. The notes and letters help information regarding how much people were buying the Red Lyrium instead of the blue Lyrium. It also mentioned that their source was not from the Deep Roads. 

_Not from the Deep Roads?_ Haruko thought to herself. Lyrium was usually found underground. And according to Varric, Red Lyrium was no different in this sort of location. Just the notion that Red Lyrium was above ground was worrisome. Haruko placed the notes in a safe pouch that hung at her hip her brow furrowed in worry and confusion.

“To the next camp?” Ian asked. Haruko nodded.

The next camp was harder to investigate. There were Red Templars and smugglers patrolling around, which put her and her men in an odd position. Haruko didn't want to kill any more than necessary, especially those that were unaffected by Red Lyrium. However, they were willing to die for their product and kill anyone in the way. Haruko rested against a tree as she watched the people walk around. 

_Maeve would have been better at this sort of thing…_ Haruko thought. People might have a habitual nature, but there was also a pinch of unpredictability that made this harder. The terrain was uneven, as was the rest of the Emerald Graves. Her men and women were willing to fight these monsters, but Haruko wanted as little causalities as possible. But the heavens had a different sort of plan. 

“What?” Haruko breathed.

“Ser?” Ian asked in alarm. He had situated himself behind a huge tree root, awaiting the command for attack. So when he heard Haruko’s surprise he naturally got nervous and moved swiftly to her side. For what Haruko witnessed, the entire group of men and women before them, drop dead. A Red Templar Hunter shrieked in anger and tried to locate the attackers. But it too dropped dead when an arrow found its mark right between its eyes. Haruko gave a small shake of her head and walked out.

“Hey! We don't know who that was! They could kill us!” Ian shouted in warning.

“If that were the case you would have pulled be back instead of shouting to announce our presence,” Haruko said with a little bit of a laugh. 

“I probably would have helped,” Maeve’s voice echoed from behind the cart. Haruko gave a laugh as Maeve walked out with a big grin on her face. The two girls then gave each other a high five.

“What did you think?” Maeve asked. She looked proud of her work. Haruko was torn because she hated death, but she was also grateful for the assistance.

“I think it was exactly what we needed,” Haruko said with a nod. “And I was just thinking how you would be better suited for this than I.”

Maeve gave a little giggle and then looked at Haruko with a slight disappointed look.

“Then why not ask me?” Maeve asked. Haruko gave a nervous grin and a slight chuckle.

“You know me, if there is a problem I am assigned, I gotta do it with my own two hands. Asking for help just makes it a burden to others,” Haruko explained. Maeve rolled her eyes at her friend and added a light playful smack to her arm.

“You should have asked me!” she scolded. Haruko smiled back at Maeve then waved to her men and women to signal it was okay. They walked forward and started to search the immediate area. The note was not so easily found. Probably due to the fact that these people seemed to be in the midst of transit rather than parked for a rest as the other had been. So the bodies also had to be searched.

“What made you want to come out here anyway?” Haruko asked as she went through some of the crates of the shipment. Most of it was supplies like food and clothes. The Lyrium was stored in a separate cart.

“You had to look for letters and documents that I would normally have to go looking for,” Maeve said. “Plus, I’m the one that does the sneaky work. Imagining you trying to sneak around with your upfront personality is hilarious.”

Haruko didn't know whether that was an insult or a playful jab. But Maeve was right. This was no job that Haruko was used to. She wanted to rush in there and fight. To end it without having to beat around the bush too long. But with that came the price of losing men, and Haruko did not take many with her to begin with. Haruko half tossed back some cloth back inside a crate.

“True…but…” Haruko wasn't sure how to let this out. The only reason she agreed to this kind of work was because it was for Cullen. This mission was more personal, and any self-respecting soldier would have suggested that was a dangerous thing. 

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” Maeve said with a wink. Haruko scowled but her reddening face betrayed her intent. Her friend only giggled at her and forced Haruko to focus on the task at hand.

“Hey! I think I found something!” someone shouted. Maeve and Haruko looked up and walked to the person who shouted.

“This note mentions Samson,” the soldier informed.

“Samson?” Maeve asked with a confused look.

“The asshole that is leading the Red Templars after Corypheus,” Haruko replied. She motioned for the soldier to hand her the note. This note was small, only saying that their new client was to be Samson and that he wanted double shipments. Nothing really relevant. Haruko sighed heavily and folded the note and placed it into her hip pouch.

“Your last note is in the land of giants,” Maeve said and trotted off into the distance. The Wolf Warriors looked at each other. They seemed to be confused, or shocked. Haruko smiled lightly and followed Maeve without question. It was a long time coming, but Haruko finally saw that Maeve was doing well with her position outside the protective walls of Skyhold. There were other scouts with Maeve, not many, but that is how Haruko thought it might be. They were meant to look and listen, not for direct combat. This made the next part crucial. 

Giants were not the friendliest of creatures. In fact, they seemed to attack anything that walked on two legs. Haruko had only witnessed these beasts in action from a distance, never did she think that she might have to get up close and personal with one. Maeve lead them swiftly through the forest and across a shallow portion of the northern river. Behind a few mountainous rocks, rested the last caravan that Haruko needed to ransack. The problem would be getting by without letting a giant see them.

“Looks like we don’t have to worry about fighting the Red Templars…or the smugglers,” Maeve said. Haruko looked to her friend for a retort but noticed that she hid well behind a rock. She followed suit and peaked out. In front of them was a giant, thoroughly making sure the Red Templars were having the worst day of their lives. The air echoed with the crushing sounds of the earth and roars from both Red Templars and the giant attacking them. Occasionally the ground vibrated with the terrible wake of the giant’s powerful stomps or punches into the ground. Even to the Red Templars, a giant seemed to be no match. The ground was stained with their blood, and their bodies were crushed into nothing. A gruesome sight to be sure.

“You sure you want to go in there?” Maeve asked. Haruko gave Maeve a nod without looking at her.

“I’m sure…and if you are too scared to come out there, I understand,” Haruko said. Rule number one when in a dangerous area, never take your eyes off of dangerous things. There were giants thundering in the distance, walking aimlessly or fighting other creatures. The one a head of them walked off, carrying with it a few carcasses for the road. No doubt it might be back for seconds. 

“Let’s make this quick,” Haruko whispered. Maeve hunkered back while Haruko and the Wolf Warriors approached as quickly and quietly as she could. After that display of sheer terror, Maeve would rather stay back and give a warning from afar. There was no need to get crushed under the giant fist of…well…a giant. Maeve watched as Haruko and her men searched for any documents. They seemed to just look for them, not read them. Perhaps they were also worried the giant might return for them. 

It was not long before Haruko and the others rushed back with a few pieces of paper. Some of them were mere shipment details. But one note…the one that Haruko picked up, was the one they looked for. It warned for those that worked for this person, Kell, that the Red Lyrium was bad news. That their mage gave this warning, but said mage also went insane because of his close proximity to the stuff. But that was not what made Haruko mad, what made the paper crinkle with the waves of anger that seemed to boil inside of her. Kell had written that Samson was buying people who went crazy from Red Lyrium. It was though this man did not so much as care that his people were being bought because they were ill. Were they that ignorant to the events at hand? The items that they were carrying?! 

“Ser…you’re going to tear the paper,” one of the soldiers tried to calm Haruko’s fury. 

“Have you any idea what this says?!” Haruko snapped angrily. “These people might have warned their workers that Red Lyrium was far more dangerous than normal Lyrium but in the same paragraph say that it was okay!”

“Haruko…calm down,” Ian tried.

“Calm down?! Are you nuts?! These people are selling their friends! They are making money off of them! And for what? Greed?!” Haruko’s fury peaked. 

“Haruko,” Maeve warned lightly. She placed a hand on her furious friend’s arm. Haruko said nothing more on the subject. They didn’t need to be yelled at for something they didn't do, for something that was absurd as this. It was not their fault, nor their doing. Thus, shouting at them as though it was was unfair and uncalled for. Haruko took a shaky breath and folded the letter up and placed it away.

“Let’s…let’s get back to Skyhold,” Haruko said softly.

~

Two more weeks had past, and Haruko returned back from her adventures in the Emerald Graves. Masamune walked beside her as they passed under the tall gates of Skyhold. Haruko was still frustrated and angry with the information that she had found. No one seemed to be able to calm her down from that rage, not even Masamune. He gave a small whine and Haruko looked down at him.

“It’s okay, boy,” Haruko whispered. She even added a small scratch behind his ears but the look of depression on her face did not disappear.

“You should probably get those letters to the Commander soon,” Maeve’s voice suggested. Haruko looked over at her and gave a nod. However, her feet remained planted firmly to their spot. 

“Hey,” Maeve called lightly. Haruko looked up to her and then felt a pat on her shoulder.

“You’ll get these guys,” Maeve said with confidence. “If there is any here that could find these guys, it is you and your team.”

Haruko sighed and gave a nod.

“Yeah…I just…” Haruko tried to say the right words to describe her emotions.

“Idiots out there being idiots, and you can’t seem to understand that?” Maeve guessed. Haruko gave a small smile and a light chuckle at that.

“Not exactly those words but yeah. I can’t believe there are people out there willing to treat others as though they weren’t people…as though they were money, or objects to be discarded…it isn’t right,” Haruko said with a little bit of a growl at the end. All of her life she had tried to understand people who did horrible things to others, and still the end result was the same. She couldn't understand them, no matter how hard she tried. There was nothing about it that seemed to make sense. What was there to gain by treating other like dirt or worse? What was there to gain by hurting someone out of sure fun? To harm innocent people just on a whim? It was madness.

“Tell you what,” Maeve started. “You go talk to Cullen, I mean the Commander, and then we can have a drink or two at the tavern.”

For once, a drink sounded great. If for only a moment there would be time to put this atrocity behind in order to sift through it and understand it.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to it,” Haruko said with a weary nod. Maeve nodded back and walked off to her own private quarters. Haruko looked up the hill she was to walk and then her gaze shifted to Cullen’s office just behind her. Her heart was just so heavy with the information and the truth that she had found. A small shove pushed her to her senses. Haruko looked down to see Masamune looking up at her. His eyes were filled with worry, and a small whine from him confirmed such emotion. Haruko gave a small sigh with a slight smile.

“I’ll be okay,” she said to the wolf. He welcomed another pet behind his ears and followed Haruko as she made her slow ascent. Her footsteps felt weighted, as though she were chained to lead. It felt like it took an hour just to walk to Cullen’s door. She knocked once and then pressed the door open slowly. Masamune seemed to understand the atmosphere and allowed Haruko to walk in first.

“Haruko, welcome back,” Cullen said with a smile on his face. Haruko’s heart warmed to see Cullen, but she must have looked terrible for it to fall and be replaced with worry.

“Did something happen while you were out?” he asked. She watched as he placed his paperwork he was currently ready down. He only did that for her. A small bit of sacrifice that seemed to make her happy regardless. But she looked away for a moment. Haruko reached for her side pouch and pulled out the papers, the cursed letters she had found in the Emerald Graves.

“This…this is what I found,” she said solemnly. Cullen nodded and took the papers she offered to him. It took a few moments, but he read through them quickly. There wasn't much to read though. The letters were short and to the point, as though careful not to write down too much information…or just out of plain efficiency.

“This will be of great use to the Inquisition,” Cullen said after he finished reading. He gave a look to Haruko and saw the rage and fury that seemed to shake her frame. It seemed as though she avoided his gaze too. There were very few times that he had ever seen her angry, but this was an anger on a different level. With care, he slowly placed the letters down on his desk and approached her calmly. 

“We’ll stop them Haruko,” Cullen said gently. Haruko was a gentle person, a caring person. Something like this, something like war, it tore her being apart when she saw the cruel nature that people seemed to share in dark times like this. It was the thought that they might end this war that helped him continue on and fight. He did not want to see her in this much pain any more. 

“I’m not worried about not stopping them, Cullen,” Haruko said harshly. Her gaze was to his now. He could see the fire of her fury, and the anguish. 

“I’m upset because there are still people out there willing to hurt others for profit! That it is as normal as us saving lives of innocent people! That it is justified just for the sake of a few coins!”

With each sentence, her voice grew louder and more intense. She seemed to stop herself short and look away from Cullen. He didn't need to be shouted at. He understood that there were people out there like this and that is why he fought. Her? She still got caught up in the sheer shock that people would do this. That such evil existed. But she should know that there was such evil. She had been hurt by its very hands before. She had survived it through her childhood and stood up against its tyranny. 

_But why does it still hurt?_ Haruko thought to herself. There was a gentle hand on each of her shoulders. Haruko looked up at Cullen, tears of frustration threatening to spill forth. There was a silence, just to calm down the rushing flood of mixed emotions.

“You are a kind and caring person,” Cullen said calmly. “It is your strength, and your weakness…but it also helps you make the right decisions. I am certain you will be the one to find these people and put an end to their plans.”

Haruko hoped they would. Doubt would always haunt her mind. Anxiety would always make the “what ifs” far worse. But her passion, and her kindness would always spurn her forward in order to silence those that wished harm upon the innocent. It was this fact that made Cullen so sure that she would find these people, stop their plans, and quicken the end of this war. Haruko gave a little bit of a sigh and took the small step forward in order to embrace Cullen. It was he her gave her confidence in silence and held her so gently like this.

“We’ll get them,” Cullen whispered as he rested his head against hers. It was in this silence that Haruko shed her tears for those that were lost to this cruelty.

~

It had not yet been three days since Haruko came back with the smugglers and they had given the location of where the Red Lyrium was being mined. Cullen had told her that it was in a town called Sahrnea in the Dales. It was in a province called Emprise Du Lion, a cold place, filled with snow that could come up to your waist. For Haruko, it was not exactly a place she wanted to go, but if it meant she could shut down the bastards messing with Red Lyrium, then she was willing to make a small sacrifice of comfort. If anything, her body was well equipped to handle the snow. 

“There you go Yakul, all ready to go out to the Emprise du Lion,” Haruko said with a last check of the saddle straps and bags. The Red Hart had been patient enough to stand through all of the double and triple checks. He was probably ready to go out and have a new adventure. 

“I heard you were heading to a place with more snow,” a familiar voice said. Haruko turned to see Maeve standing just a little ways away from the stable entrance. She gave a smile to Maeve.

“It seems I cannot get away from the stuff…you’d think it would be angry for not killing me with a mountain,” Haruko said with a light laugh of her own. 

“You’ll be fine,” Maeve said confidently. “You’ll have Dorian and Varric with you.”

“Looks that way,” Haruko agreed with a nod. “I doubt Dorian is thrilled. He isn’t exactly built for cold weather.”

Maeve laughed with Haruko. Both of them were aware that the mage probably slept with more than ten blankets just to survive the cold nights that Skyhold had to offer. There were also the stories of how hot Minrathous was that helped them deduce that he was not prepared for places with snow and ice. Luckily, Maeve and Haruko were from a place that could have all of the seasons within a day. Haruko favored colder days while Maeve favored the warmer ones. 

“But at least it isn’t a covert mission this time. You’ll be reclaiming the Emprise du Lion in order to help shut down the Red Templar operation.”

“Is there anything else about my mission you know about?” Haruko joked.

“After the last one, I thought I would make it my mission to help keep you out of trouble,” Maeve said with a laugh. Haruko rolled her eyes and grabbed Yakul’s reins. 

“…take care of yourself,” Maeve then said. Haruko had a hand on the saddle and was ready to hop up into it. Those words made her freeze in her tracks. Haruko looked at Maeve and the worry on her face was evident.

“Don’t worry, Maeve, I always come back,” she said with a wink. Maeve then rolled her eyes at her idiot of a friend. This is why Haruko always got into trouble.

“I mean it! No bones broken, no new scars. The one over your eye is enough,” Maeve scolded as she would a child. Haruko laughed at her friend. That was how she coped with her own worry and anxiety. As long as she was calming down a friend or someone else, then her ability to focus was intact.

“I’ll try not to die while I’m out,” she said with another laugh. Yakul then lurched forward and away from Maeve. She scowled at her friend and crossed her arms in mocked frustration. 

“You better come back, or I’ll bring you back from the dead and kill you myself,” Maeve said. Haruko could see Dorian and Varric were already waiting for her at the front gate. Dorian was a top of a magnificent dapple grey while Varric stood there waiting.

“No horse for you Varric?” Haruko asked the dwarf.

“Are you kidding? My feet wouldn't reach the stirrups,” he replied. To that, Haruko offered a hand down to the dwarf as best she could. With a little help from a local stepstool, he was able to reach and seated himself right behind Haruko. Masamune whined loudly because that was his spot and he was forced to walk this time around.

“You got four paws buddy, you can walk twice as far as Varric,” Haruko said to him.

“I doubt he is very enthusiastic about having to walk through all of that snow,” Dorian commented. Haruko gave a chuckle as they turned to walk away from Skyhold.

“True, I certainly am not looking forward to having to fight in it,” she added. And so began their adventures into the frozen lands of the Emprise du Lion. 

~

To say this place was cold was an understatement. No matter if you were in a tent and covered with blankets or out in the cold and covered in the best cloak Thedas had to offer, it was still the same bone chilling cold everywhere. This night was no different. But for those that had to be on watch during the night, it was a torture in itself. Haruko wrapped a cloak around her, as well as two other blankets just to keep her shivering frame shielded from the wind. Her teeth chattered, and her body shivered, and the night seemed endless. Masamune had found his shelter inside her assigned tent while she sat at her post. Yakul walked through the snow and stood in front of the wind, just to give Haruko a break.

“Th-thanks buddy,” Haruko said with a shiver. She then looked at the reports on the area while sitting on watch. The village that they had passed claimed that there were people being “spirited away.” Most claimed it was the Red Templars. That didn’t bode well for the people that were kidnapped. Several people, with names, were listed in the reports. Even if their main mission was to gain a foothold in this icy domain, Haruko’s true mission would be to help these poor people out. If they were in the mines just off the way of the main campaign, then it would be easy for her to get there. Hal himself would come down to lead the rest of the men into battle for the fortress just up in the mountains, where the Red Templars were gathering. Haruko then put the papers under her blankets and under her cloak. If she was to help these people, she would have to be at her best. Which meant concentrating on her watch until she was relieved. 

The next morning brought still winds. The snow had settled from last night, leaving the morning calm and collected. A far cry different from the storm that passed through the night before. Had Haruko the time, she might have enjoyed the winter beauty. Sadly, she did not have the time, nor the energy to waste on such things. They needed to get down to the mines. Yakul effortlessly stepped through the snow and over the ridge of a cliff. 

“That’s the general location of the original mines,” Haruko said as she pointed into the distance. Varric peeked out from behind her.

“Judging by how guarded it looks, I’d say you are correct,” Varric agreed. The dwarf pointed off into the distance and Haruko could make out Red Templars just outside of the main gate. That was their hint that they were in the right place. Masamune stood at the ready, his ears pricked forward in alert and attention. Haruko dismounted and helped Varric down from the huge Hart, Dorian followed suit. Mines were no place for horses and Harts. 

They treaded through the snow. Some parts were knee deep, while others were just above the ankles. It did not make sneaking up on this gate any easier. Varric went around a small group of trees to get a better shot at the archers on the small ramparts while Haruko charged in with Masamune. The wolf snarled loudly in warning, and showed no fear as the Templars swung their swords at him. Haruko used that distraction to neutralize their enemies with a single blow. None of it felt right, not when these former Templars had been men and women that thought they were doing the right thing. Some of them anyway. Dorian helped by burning his enemies to the ground. It was not a pretty sight, but it was effective. Especially when it warmed the area around them.

“Is it me, or did that seem a little too easy?” Varric asked when he came back from his archer’s post.

“Considering the rest of the Inquisition has pressed its advances to Suledin’s Keep, I say we should expect this place to be thin,” Dorian said. 

“We should still be on our guard,” Haruko reminded. “The second we get cocky, that is when we lose.”

They walked into the mines and it was just as Dorian had described it. There were few guards here in the area, yet there was plenty of Red Lyrium to fuel the army that Samson commanded. Why they would leave such a resource unguarded was beyond Haruko’s comprehension. Every strategy in the book screamed that they would want to protect their precious resources in order to fuel the monsters they wanted to create. But then again, what happens after a person is turned into a Red Templar was unknown. The real surprise was the people that mined this area.

They were real people. They were not yet turned, nor infected by this madness. Some were caged in mobile carts out of iron. That image alone made Haruko see red. She charged forth into the enemy head long. Masamune did the same but only because his pack mate was fighting for her life. Dorian and Varric were left to defend from afar. The strategy was sound, as Haruko was playing the distraction so Varric and Dorian could get in good hits without being bothered.

“Help us!!!” prisoners screamed once the fighting was over. Haruko half jogged over to the locked door and shook it. Why she did that, she wasn't exactly sure. If it was locked, shaking it wasn't going to make it magically open. 

“Here,” Varric said. He took out a tool kit that looked like lock picks. He made quick work of the giant pad lock and Haruko had to catch it and toss it from them. She then opened the door and helped the captured individuals out of their prison.

“Thank you, bless Andraste,” some of them said.

“If you go up that way, there is an exit and a camp just over the hill. The Inquisition forces will help get you to safety,” Haruko said.

“Please, you must help the others,” one of them pleaded. There were more? Just how far were these Red Templars willing to go in order to continue their plans? But her anger was not needed here, not when these people had had enough to deal with. She took a calming breath to steady herself and nodded.

“We’ll rescue the others. How many more of these cages are there?” Haruko asked. 

“I think maybe four more,” a woman said. She looked gaunt, and malnourished. These Red Templars will pay for every last person they hurt and tortured. She could remember the moments when she saw Maeve die before her because of the Red Lyrium growing out of her body. All of the countless individuals that lost their lives in that future that never was. Anything to prevent that. 

“There you are,” Ian’s voice called. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Is there something wrong on the battle front?” Haruko asked. Ian shook his head.

“Hal just arrived and was looking for you,” he informed. Haruko rolled her eyes. The man could be briefed by someone else that was not on a mission. But then there was an idea.

“Ian, how many of you are not out fighting for Suledin’s Keep?” Haruko asked quickly.

“Me, Robin, Allisen, and I think a few others are hanging back awaiting orders,” he answered.

“Go find them, bring them here. There are innocent people captured and locked away here with barely any supplies and without any real way of protecting themselves from the cold. There are four more cages, but where I don't know. Help these people back to the camp. At least they can find some relief there,” Haruko ordered quickly.

Ian looked just as surprised but nodded. At least the man knew when it was time to be serious and when to be a cliché movie character. Now all that was left was to crush these Red Templar knights that were in the area. The further they went in, the worse it got. The Red Lyrium was jutting out from the ground, and those that had succumb to it, were laying on the ground, or propped up against the red rocks. 

“It’s just as we saw in the future,” Dorian said in shock. “He’s mining Red Lyrium from people…that would explain why it was growing out of them…”

“That just makes me want to kill the bastard even more,” Haruko said with venom dripping off of every word. “What sick twisted asshole thinks that this is a good idea? That madness is a way to power?!”

“I doubt you would last long in Tevinter if this is the first thing that upsets you,” the mage commented dryly. “I suppose I should be glad that this isn’t blood magic.”

“I think they would be considered all bad,” Varric said. 

“Well it’s a good thing I don’t live in Tevinter then,” Haruko snapped in reply. Her rage at the situation couldn't possibly be matched. Very few things upset her, considering she would usually deflect bad emotions off through jokes and sarcasm. But if it had anything to do with hurting innocent people, or causing death and destruction of any kind…it would send her into almost a blind rage. A rage that Haruko hated more than anything else. It was irrational, dangerous, and more importantly closer to a monster she did not want to become. Normally she’d go out for a ride to clear her head or find a place to sit alone and calm down. Here she could not afford such a luxury, so instead she found herself calming down by beating down her enemies. If there were any letters found, notes or documents, Haruko could not remember. All she remembered was her seething rage at the situation, and the swift swing of her blade against her enemies.

~

It had been a week since Haruko, Dorian, and Varric returned from their campaign in Emprise du Lion. A few of the Wolf Warriors requested to stay behind in order to help the locals return back to their homes in Sahrnia or to leave and come to the safety of Skyhold. The trek would not be for the faint of heart, but a few of Haruko’s trusted friends thought it would be a good idea to help these people. They had already seen enough war to satisfy them for two life times. Haruko agreed with the permission of the Commander. 

For Haruko herself, she had returned her nose to the books once more. Any report on Red Lyrium, anything that Varric was willing to talk about, anything to help her better understand the foe that they faced and what Red Lyrium truly was she wanted to read or listen. For now, she took her books with her to the training grounds, to help give new orders to the remaining Wolf Warriors, or to oversee the new recruit training. 

“Ser…Shouldn't you be resting instead of researching…again?” Ian asked. Haruko gave a small grin. Both of them knew that Haruko would not rest, not until she’d achieved some sense of peace with this current mission.

“Yes I should” Haruko agreed with a mild tone of sarcasm. “Yet, I want to know my enemy, and thus I need to understand Red Lyrium…”

“Hal says that Dagna has made an amulet to disable Samson’s armor,” Ian reminded. It was true. Apparently, the notes that they obtained while liberating the Sahrina Quarry had details about Samson and his new set of armour. It was imbued with Red Lyrium. Samson managed to make something worse out of the stuff. But if Dagna was on the case, there was no one else who would find a solution faster. 

“And you can’t relax because there is no solution,” Ian reminded himself. Haruko gave a small smile. He was getting to understand her habits. A scary notion.

“At least you know that,” Haruko commented as she returned her gaze down to a few notes of research from those that were affected by the Red Lyrium madness. 

“I guess this would also be a bad time to mention that the Commander wishes to see you,” he added. Haruko snapped her gaze from said notes and glowered at Ian. He gave a slight mischievous grin. That bastard knew about that request and deliberately did not tell her.

“I hate you, you know that?” Haruko said to him. He laughed at her. There was no way there was any sort of sincerity to those words. It was merely a declaration of irritation to withholding information from her. Haruko then shoved her notes into his hands and rushed up the hill with Masamune at her heels. They ran up the hill, jogged up the steps and through Solas’ empty room and slowed to a stop just outside the office door. Haruko panted heavily and waited to catch her breath. Masamune seemed to be barely winded. The wolf looked over at Haruko and them back at the door, his tail half wagged with anticipation.

“Seriously?” she breathed? Haruko then stood up straight and knocked on the door once. She waited for a call to enter and then did so.

“I wondered when you might stop by,” Cullen said when he saw her walk in. Masamune trotted away from Haruko’s side and over to Cullen for his usual attention. Haruko gave a wry smile.

“Ian has developed this habit of withholding information just for the hell of it,” she reported. That will teach the little asshole not to mess with orders from Cullen. The Commander’s eyebrow rose in question and then he frowned.

“I don’t see how you let your men get away with the things they get away with,” he murmured. This time Haruko wasn't letting Ian get away with it. The mere fact that she reported it was proof enough that it was something more serious. And she was well aware the scolding that Ian was in for once they were done talking. 

“Thanks to you and the Inquisitors efforts, Samson has no Red Lyrium, no allies, and soon will have no armor,” Cullen said with confidence. “Dagna has started her research on the Red Lyrium Armor, but she needs more details.”

Of course there had to be something more to do. This war on Red Lyrium would not end simply because they stopped the mining operation. Now they must turn their gaze upon the leader of the army and swiftly cut the head off.

“Sounds like another trip of go and find,” Haruko said with heavy sarcasm. Cullen gave a small nod while he gave Masamune a well-deserved scratch behind the ears.

“From the orders that you discovered in the mine, they mention a name, Maddox…” he said but his words trailed off. Haruko tilted her head half to the side in question.

“I take it it’s not a good name?” Haruko asked. The last time he mentioned a name, it was from his past. Perhaps Maddox as well was someone from Cullen’s past.

“Maddox was a mage in Kirkwall’s Circle,” Cullen started to explain. His hand stayed as his thoughts drifted. Masamune looked a little disappointed. 

“Samson smuggled letters between him and his sweetheart. Eventually Samson was caught, that’s why he was cast out of the Order. Maddox was made Tranquil, and became a skilled craftsman or magical items…Samson must have rescued him,” Cullen continued with a confused look of his own. To Haruko, that was a stranger thought to think. If Samson took in a mage that had previously been punished by the Order, that would mean he had some sort of heart still inside him. On the other hand, perhaps there was something that Maddox could do as a Tranquil. Which was another thing. Why was Maddox made Tranquil for only passing notes?

“They made a man Tranquil for passing notes?” Haruko asked with surprise.

“Knight Commander Meredith would wave the brand at lesser offenses believe me,” Cullen said bitterly. This Meredith sounded just as crazy as Samson.

“But why save Maddox?” Haruko then asked. It was more to herself than to Cullen. 

“When the Mages rebelled in Kirkwall, the worst battles took place in the Gallows, in the Circle itself,” Cullen said solemnly. “I thought Maddox had died in the fighting, or was eking out a living on the streets…A fate hard for a Tranquil in Kirkwall.”

Kirkwall sounded like it was a place where everything bad that could have happened, happened. It also sounded like Cullen did not like discussing the topic much. He seemed to get this furrowed look between his eyebrows that resembled a deep pain. An emotional pain. Yes, Haruko was curious as to what had happened, but not at the expense of someone’s mind. Perhaps there might have been a book or someone else more willing to discuss the tragic events of that place.

“But to answer your question, yes, I believe Samson kept Maddox because he was the one that made the armor,” Cullen continued. “And even maintains it still. Tranquil in Kirkwall needed rare and expensive supplies for their enchantments.”

Good news for them. Things that are rare and expensive were often easy to track. Should they ask for Leliana’s assistance, they could find a cargo shipment and follow it right to Samson’s door step. Easy and simple. On paper anyway.

“Things that can be tracked down rather easily,” Haruko said with some excitement. She was all too eager to finish off the Red Templars once and for all. However, this war would not end with Samson being run through with a sword. There would still be straggling Red Templars, and the bulk of the army to contend with before they truly were free of them. 

“Yes,” Cullen agreed. “I’ve already spoken with the Inquisitor about this and I have ordered my men to kick down some doors to get information.”

“Why does this sound like you have already done so?” Haruko asked. Cullen had a small smile on his face.

“Because I have…My men have traced the supplies right to his stronghold,” Cullen said. Clever. 

“Just point me in the right direction,” Haruko said eagerly. There was hesitation in Cullen’s actions.

“This time I will be accompanying you,” Cullen said with a serious look on his face. “We both know that he still has that Red Lyrium armor…and I would sleep better knowing that I will be at your side when we face him…the Inquisitor has already given the order.”

Haruko was well aware of that. But why did that mean that this was so important? It was far more than just making sure that she was safe. Haruko had the suspicion that Cullen wanted to personally see this through to the end. It would mean he would get some sort of closure with an old part of his life that seemed to haunt him still.

“Then I’ll go get Urajak and Yakul ready,” Haruko said with a nod.

“Dorian and Varric will accompany us as well,” Cullen added. Haruko looked surprised. Usually the key members of the Inquisition did not go on adventures with her. 

“It was the Inquisitor’s request to bring more reinforcements,” he explained. Was her look that obvious? She gave a small nod to acknowledge his words and turned to walk away. However, a small tug from her hand stopped her. Cullen had grabbed her hand gently, then walked to her side and proceeded to walk out with her. Sure, he let go of her hand as soon as they were outside the concealing walls of his office, but it was sweet to think that he wanted to walk down to the stables with her. Or so she thought.

They walked to the gates of Skyhold and everyone was waiting for them. Dorian and Varric were already waiting to go and Urajak and Yakul were waiting for them to mount. 

_The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can rest and stop Corypheus for good_ Haruko thought to herself. She placed a foot into Yakul’s stirrup and lifted herself into his saddle.

“On another adventure?” Dorain asked Haruko. Masamune jumped up into his special seat as Varric rode behind Dorian. 

“Let’s hope this adventure isn’t too long,” Haruko said. “I didn’t get a chance to let Maeve know I was leaving.”

“I left her a note for you. She’ll know exactly where you’ll be,” Varric chimed in. Haruko laughed. For some reason, Haruko pictured this long epic poem of how they were going to slay some sort of Templar monster that might take them a month to fight. Varric, after all, was a story teller. Their horses walked out of the gates of Skyhold and Haruko turned to take in one last look of the place. She felt bad for not telling Maeve that she would return and it felt almost wrong to do so. But maybe that was because there was this ever-present knot in her stomach that pestered her. Hopefully it was just because she was not able to complete the normal ritual she had set to keep some sort of normalcy in a world of war.

The echoing thunder of hoof falls was to be their music for the next few days. Their travels took them to a place called the Shrine of Dumat. It looked more like a castle than a shrine of anything. Haruko could clearly see the smoke rising from within its walls as they observed it from atop a hill. That was not exactly a good sign, not that amount of smoke anyway. The closer they got, the more she expected to meet some sort of resistance. However, an increasing sense of foreboding appeared when there was no one. Not even as they approached the gates. Even Yakul seemed on edge. Masamune immediately hopped down from his back and looked alert and tense. 

“Something’s wrong,” Haruko said quietly. 

“This is it…the heart of Samson’s command,” Cullen said. His gaze was at the gates. He then dismounted Urajak. Perhaps it was he who was now blinded by the thought of some sort of ending between him and Samson, or was it because he was eager to do so? Whatever it was, it made Haruko nervous, more so than any other battle she had been apart of.

“Something’s burning,” Haruko mentioned. She hopped down from Yakul’s back and the ground crunched beneath her boots. Surely that was evident with all the smoke, but that was warning enough to be cautious. Dorian had to magically lift the gates and allow for them to walk through. The courtyard was littered with broken crates and other things. Some were burning, and some hide bodies. Perhaps there was some sort of explosion and someone got caught in the blast. Either way, it was a terrible sight to behold.

“Maker…tell me he hasn't fled,” Cullen muttered under his breath. They walked farther into the courtyard. Haruko was more cautious and Masamune seemed to hunker down to prepare himself for an unseen attack. She drew her sword in her own anticipation and was set to high alert. That is when the shades and the Red Templars showed themselves. 

Masamune leapt to action without a command. The first shade had no chance. A mass of muscle and fangs ripped it apart until it disappeared back into the Fade. Cullen drew his own sword and charged one of the Red Templars. Haruko shield bashed another shade to stun it while Dorian blasted it with a fire ball. Varric took the high road and rained arrows from above. All the while, the echo of battle bounced of the stone of the courtyard. 

The battle was a small glimpse of Cullen’s fighting capabilities. Sure, Haruko had no doubts about his abilities, but she could not help but feel sorely inadequate. It seemed effortless to cut down his enemy and then move on to the next. Haruko still struggled to keep herself out of trouble while still controlling the battlefield. Most of the time she would end up with some sort of battle scar or bruise at the end of the fight. Cullen…he truly knew what he was doing. 

“I have higher hopes now that there was a welcoming committee,” Varric commented once the last of the enemies were felled.

“I don’t think that’s the last of them,” Haruko replied. Her sword was still in her hand, her nerves were still set on edge. She was unable to get this uneasy feeling out of her stomach. Why would Samson leave his main fortress empty like this? And why would it look like it was ransacked already? Did he command a small sacrificing force to hide his own escape and to remove any evidence of his plans?

“Yes, it’s almost too quiet here,” Dorian agreed. His staff was in his hand, and even he seemed tense. Haruko nodded in silent acknowledgement. Both of them knew something was very wrong about this place. But that did not stop them from following Cullen to the main stairs that lead up to the entrance of the Shrine. This is where the stench of burning flesh was strongest. Haruko had to put an arm to her nose. She could only imagine what Masamune must be going through. Around them were burning bodies along with wood and other things.

“Samson must have ordered his Templars to sack his headquarters so we couldn’t,” Cullen said as he looked around the remains. 

“Sorry, Curly, someone tipped off Samson that you were coming,” Varric said with mocked disappointment. Haruko snorted. Curly? Really? That was one hilarious nickname but now was definitely not the time to bring that up.

“I think you’re right,” Cullen agreed with Varric. He seemed to ignore the nickname all together. “Still we’ve dealt a blow to Samson.”

“And it looks like he left friends,” Dorian pointed up to the main doors. There stood a huge Behemoth. Haruko sighed heavily. More horrors and Red Templars came out of the opening the Behemoth made for them. Cullen and Haruko charged forward while supported by fire and arrows by Dorian and Varric. Masamune charged forward as well, over taking the two humans that charged forward and crashing into one of the unprepared horrors. If anything, Masamune was more dedicated to protect Haruko than anyone else. Haruko had to fight up against one of the shadows, blocking and dodging the spike like arms it had and its quicker movements. The worst part was, the Behemoth seemed to focus in on her too.

“Shit!” she muttered when she saw the slow hammer of the Behemoth’s arm come down upon her. Haruko had to shove the Red Templar Shadow into the way of the fist and then jump out of the way just to dodge the crushing blow. The ground around her shook and she scrambled to get back onto her feet. If there was one thing she remembered from Haven, it was how to take one of these things down. 

She gave a whistle, for the Behemoth to remain aggressive toward her. It tried to turn around, to prepare another attack for her, but Haruko was far lighter and faster than the beast covered with Red Lyrium crystals. She ran underneath it and stabbed her sword deep into its knee. It screamed with agony, and fell down. Haruko made sure to slash through the leg, completely severing it and removing any chance of it getting back up. All she had to do was run around it, vault over its arm, and then bury her sword deep into the back of its skull. 

Silence filled the courtyard once more, except for the echoing crackle of fire and the pant of exhausted fighters. They all nodded to one another and walked into the building. There were more Templars to fight, but not nearly in the numbers that they were greeted with. Just the remaining stragglers. The inside of the building itself looked like a Red Lyrium mine. The rocks were springing forth from the walls and the floor itself. How anyone was able to live here and get anything done was a miracle in itself. But, did any of these people actually live when they were trapped inside madness? The further they went in, the worse the Red Lyrium got. 

“Hello, Captain Haruko…I was expecting the Inquisitor,” a man said. Haruko jumped out of her skin and pointed her sword down at the man helplessly laying on the floor. There was the burn of the Chantry sun upon his forehead and an emotionless expression on his face. But he looked weak, unable to move in his current condition. Cullen held out his hand to stay Haruko from doing anything further.

“This is Maddox but…something’s not right,” Cullen said looking grave. “I’ll send for the healers.”

“That would be a waste, Knight-Captain Cullen,” Maddox said without emotion. “I drank my entire supply of Blight Cap essence. It won’t be long now.”

“We only wanted to ask a few questions…” Haruko said softly. But that in itself was a lie. They wanted to crush Samson and prevent him from ruining lives. To put an end to this war.

“Yes…that is what I could not allow,” Maddox responded robotically. “I destroyed the camp with fire. We all agreed. Our deaths ensured Samson had time for escape.”

“You threw your lives away?! For _Samson_?!” Cullen snapped. “Why?”

“Samson saved me, even before he needed me. He gave me a purpose again,” Maddox explained. “I…wanted to help…”

Maddox’s head nodded forward and then his body went limp. Death was never something Haruko would ever get used to. The open eyes stare, the lifelessness and unnatural stillness within the body, it was unsettling to say the least. There was a moment or two before Cullen shook his head and got up with a sad look on his face.

“We should check the camp…Maddox must have missed something,” Cullen suggested. But he looked behind Haruko and his face turned serious.

“Or not..”

Haruko turned to see an ambush waiting for them. Of course there would be one final ambush, why wouldn't there be? They engaged the enemy, two coming in to keep Haruko busy while Masamune did his best to distract others. Varric placed an arrow or two in a few Templars that came after him. Dorian was busy firing off spells and keep the enemy from getting too close. Cullen fought of more than an average man should ever be allowed to do so. 

_It was like they were waiting…waiting for Maddox to die_ Haruko thought. She blocked a sword coming down at her with her shield and then stabbing her opponent. The situation seemed no dire than usual. They just had to finish this battle and then continue their search for a clue as to where Samson would be heading next. Or so Haruko thought.

“…no…NO!” She shouted. Haruko saw one archer in the distance with an arrow trained on Cullen. Without the Commander, the Inquisition would be thrown into disarray, and should she fail to protect him…Haruko could not bear to let that happen. She summoned strength that came out of nowhere and with one punch to a Templar’s face, she knocked him down. She picked up a lump of rubble and threw it as hard as she could at the archer. It was the fastest way to distract him from his target. The rock itself caught the Templar right in the face and Haruko smiled with triumph.

“Gotcha…WHOA!” Haruko tried to celebrate a little too early and almost got sliced by a sword. Three other Templar warriors bore down on her and had her pinned down. Block, parry, slice sideways, block, side step, do your best to not get killed. A pain seared through her right shoulder, a pain that nearly took the wind from her. A glance down and the shaft of an arrow protruded from her shoulder. It hurt. But she could not afford to slow down her fighting. She must stand and fight. Haruko gripped her sword tighter regardless of the pain. She swung at her enemy even if the arrow tore into her muscle. With a forced block of her shield she pushed her enemy’s sword up enough to present an opening for her to kill the Templar in front of her. A simple stab through a weak spot in the Templar’s armour. But this also left her left side open. Another strike of pain hit her hard. Her chest filled with pain as she struggled to regain breath. But with each inhale, the pain increased and the harder it was to get air. Haruko dropped to one knee out of shock and pain.

Sound disappeared and everything seemed to slow down, even her own movements. The Templars she fought still tried to end her with their swords, but her subconsciousness kept her shield up and her sword ready. 

_Shit…shit shit shit…_ Haruko thought through the pain and the dull echoing sounds of battle. Cullen needed her right now. Dorian needed her right now. Varric needed her right now. Masamune needed her. Everyone needed her. She needed to stay up, to keep fighting for her friends, to keep fighting for the Inquisition, and to return as she always did. That's what she always said to Maeve. She would always return no matter what. In her heart, she knew that this was a wound wasn't exactly something someone could walk away from. But Haruko kept fighting. She struggled to her feet, struggled to keep a hold of her sword and shield, struggled to fight her portion of the fight. When she thought that she might not have the strength left to keep herself on her feet, the two Templars in front of her suddenly stopped. They then fell before her. There were arrows sticking up out of their backs.

_Varric_ Haruko thought. Her legs struggled to keep her up. Her lungs struggled to fill with sorely needed air. The pain was indescribable. It would take over her entire body and then disappear, leaving her in a state of immobility. All she could do was look around to see if there was still fighting. Dorian blasted two more Templars with the strongest fire blast she had ever seen. There was a shout, a war cry, or something else. Whatever it was it was muffled. She blinked slowly, her body wobbled forward. Her foot stumbled forward to keep herself upright in that place. There were muffled thumps around her and then she saw Cullen look towards her. He was alright. He lived. That thought alone made her glad. Haruko took a stumbling step forward and lost the strength in her sword hand to continue to hold her sword. It clattered to the ground and echoed loudly as sound seemed to return back to her.

“Haruko!” Cullen shouted. He watched as she stumbled a few more steps. His feet moved without his knowledge. They rushed to her side, and his arms caught her before she could fall down. She couldn’t hold her weight, could no longer remain standing. He gently helped her to the ground, turning her so she would lay on her back. How could something like this happen? She looked pale, in pain, and struggled to breath. Cullen looked up and down and was not sure what to do in this situation. All he could do was watch as a small pained smile appeared on Haruko’s face.

“You’re…you’re okay…” Haruko struggled softly. Even as she lay there in his arms, half dead, she was more worried about them. Masamune leapt over fallen Templars and sniffed at Haruko’s fragile body. He whined, nudged her hand to encourage her to get up. Dorian and Varric rushed over in shock and worry.

“You all…you all…are okay…” Haruko said when she could see all of their worried faces.

“Don’t speak, you’re going to need your strength,” Cullen hushed firmly. What could he do? Dorian was a mage, he could maybe help, right? They could heal, right?

“Isn’t there something you can do?” he asked Dorian in desperation. Dorian knelt down to get a closer look at Haruko’s wounds. There was a pained expression on his face and he shook his head.

“I know minor healing, nothing near what we need here,” Dorian answered solemnly. “Maker’s Breath, Haruko, how are you still breathing?”

“I couldn't…leave…” Haruko tried to speak. Every breath was harder than the last, more painful than the last. Speaking made it more so.

“Shh, don’t,” Cullen said almost pleading, begging for her not to waste her energy. 

“Curly, we can’t stay here, she needs to get back to Skyhold,” Varric said with urgency. 

“I know!” Cullen snapped. He then looked down at Haruko. Their eyes locked momentarily.

“Haruko, this is going to hurt a little, but we have to move you,” he explained. He watched as she gave the smallest and weakest nod. Cullen picked her up carefully. A soft groan of pain escaped when he jerked to get a firmer hold on her. He watched as her consciousness faded for a moment, and knew exactly when it returned. Her body would tense, her breathing would falter and struggle. This was too much to bare. The steps were the worst part. He had to go slow to make sure not to jolt Haruko too much. Maker there was so much blood. 

_God…I’m asking you one favor now…the one selfish thing…please…I still want to be on this earth…please…_ Haruko thought. It was hard to concentrate on anything else. It felt like she was slipping farther and farther away from everyone every time the blackness would surround her. She fought so hard to keep herself awake, to focus on the sounds and people around her. The crackling of the burning wood, the soft rustle of clothes as Cullen walked, the groan of metal as she heard Dorian lift the front gate with his magic.

They all got out of the stronghold and Cullen let Haruko rest on the ground. She was pale, and eerily still. Cullen’s heart sank. She couldn't possibly be dead. No. Not her. Not now!

“Haruko…Haruko…Stay with me Haruko,” Cullen called to her. He watched the one person he cared about struggle to open her eyes and try to look at him. This was far worse than back at Haven.

“S-sorry…” Haruko said as she closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “…I’m leaving it…up to…God…”

Cullen held her close. No matter what he said, she would not listen to him. Not even if it was to help her.

“Listen…” she struggled. Haruko gritted her teeth against the pain and summoned all the strength she had.

“My name…is not…Haruko,” she murmured as best she could. 

“Haruko, just rest,” Cullen said. There was a firm grip on his chest plate. Her hand gripped it with strength that surprised him.

“No…it’s Aaren…Aaren Ruskin…” she implored through each struggled breath. Cullen was speechless. Dorian and Varric were both speechless. 

“I want to… be remembered…by my real name…” she breathed out. Cullen was shocked, in a state of disbelief. Haruko…Aaren…couldn't possibly think that she was going to die?...No…that was not going to happen. Cullen would not accept it, not when there was still a fighting chance.

“You listen to me,” he said softly to her. Her head rested on the crook of his arm but the other hand he had took the one that gripped his chest plate and held it firmly in his grasp. 

“You are not going to die. Do you hear me?” he said as firmly as he could to her. “I will not let you die. You have faced down too much to die here. So as long as you draw breath, you fight. You fight harder than you have before.”

Haruko listened to him, searched his face for something more. Then a small smile appeared on her face.

“Is that…an order…Cullen?” she asked. He didn't care if there were others around. He didn't care if she used his name instead of his title. None of that matter. Not anymore.

“That is an order,” he commanded softly. Haruko nodded and continued to hold her smile. That is, until Cullen watched her eyes close and her head lulled to the side. Haruko fell unconscious.

“Commander, we have to move quickly,” Dorian reminded. Cullen nodded and carefully picked up Haruko. Their race was against time…time that they did not seem to have.


	26. Love Through Adversity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS WILL BE YOUR ONLY WARNING! THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
> 
> Haruko out on her own quest with the Commander, Maeve is left behind to continue doing her own job. However she wants more time to spend with Blackwall.

Maeve walked into her private room with a huge stretch. The last few missions had her so busy that she had bare enough time to herself to enjoy. This also meant very little time to catch up with Haruko. After that last mission in the Emerald Graves, Maeve figured that Haruko would be too busy for anything else. Poor girl ended up becoming too passionate about her missions and even more so when it involved someone personal. However, she was still very happy that Haruko was standing up for her first ever love. It was endearing and inspiring at times.

“Hmm? What’s this?” Maeve looked on her small table. There was a neat little letter on it with only her name on it. She walked over to it and picked it up curiously. With a flip, she looked at the back to see if there was anything else to hint as to who this was from but found nothing. Maeve flipped it back around. Who could possibly send her a letter? She opened it and read the small note written inside.

“Oh…That’s why I didn't see you out there training…” Maeve muttered. The letter explained that Haruko was out on the final stretch of her mission to help bring down Samson of the Red Templars. Normally they would have encouraged one another that they would succeed on their missions, that Haruko would come back from her mission safe and sound as she always did. That’s Maeve would worry regardless of the encouragement that Haruko gave…It was rather strange that she would receive this in a letter from Varric and not Haruko. Perhaps she was pulled away onto this mission last minute and with little warning. Maeve sighed with worry.

“Be careful Haruko. And you better come back or I will kick your butt,” Maeve said to no one but the air around her. Now that her worry was starting to bother her, Maeve decided to get out of her normal uniform and into something more comfortable. A simple dull red colored cotton shirt to tuck under a dark brown leather jacket and matching gloves. Her pants were a darker beige color that easily slipped into darker brown boots. It was both comfortable and warm to wear out in this mountain weather. Now that she was dressed, Maeve turned and walked out of her room and down the many halls of Skyhold.

The place definitely spoke for itself. Before it was nothing but a pile of fallen rocks and ancient ruins to a time before them. Now it housed foreign dignitaries, armies, and was at the epicenter of decision making across Thedas. The Inquisition definitely came a long way from their little outpost in the small village of Haven. This place was definitely something to be proud of. Maeve couldn't help but give a small smile at such progress. It was amazing that they were so small and insignificant in the beginning. Now they were the ones to look to for help and guidance.

Maeve walked through the Great Hall and down the steps to the outer courtyards of Skyhold. She could see people coming in through the front gates. Pilgrims and refugees that tried to escape the war that plagued this land. It was sad to think that people were being caught up in a conflict they might not have wanted to be in. At least now they would be safe from that violence. Near the tavern, The Iron Bull and Krem practiced their fighting skills.

“Hey Bull!” Maeve called out with a wave. The Qunari looked up and waved back at her with a grin on his face.

“Maeve! I didn’t know you would be back so soon, how was the Emerald Graves?” he asked.

“Too much nature for my liking,” Maeve said. “But that tip you gave me about Haruko was spot on. I swear she can be so stubborn.”

“But you got to help her out of a tight spot. I’m sure she appreciates what you do more now,” he said. The Iron Bull then pushed against Krem’s shield and the poor guy stumbled back in an attempt to keep his footing. The Iron Bull gave a small sigh of exasperation and point away from them.

“Why not take a bit of a break, Krem. Get some water,” he said. Krem nodded, clearly winded. Maeve looked a little sorry for Krem. The Iron Bull was a very nice guy but sometimes he was a little too tough. For Krem, he was doing his best to keep up with the Chargers.

“I’m sure Haruko understood before I even got there,” Maeve continued their conversation before Krem had left. “I’m more worried that she is going to get hurt if she keeps this up.”

“She’s a tough woman, and if there is anything I’ve seen it is that she will come back if she said she will come back,” he said confidently.

“True, doesn't excuse her stubbornness,” Maeve said with a little bit of a pout. The Iron Bull gave a small chuckle. They both knew that Haruko was too proud to ask for help if she truly thought she could complete a task on her own. Both of them also knew that she was just as stubborn as the mountain itself. 

“Might I offer a drink or two?” The Iron Bull then asked. Maeve shook her head. She didn't come out for a drink with the Iron Bull. She had another person to go check up on. The Iron Bull gave a small shrug. It was her loss if she didn't want to spend some time, but also her choice.

“Some other time, Bull,” Maeve said politely. There was that familiar smile and a glance to the stables. The Iron Bull gave a small chuckle and a smile.

“I think I understand,” he said. “Go have fun.”

Maeve nodded and gave a small wave. The Iron Bull was a nice guy no matter what other people thought about him. With a small bounce in her step, Maeve walked down with excitement down the huge hill to the front gates of Skyhold and past it. Past the merchants selling their wares, and past the stable master. Blackwall was busy working on his wood carving of a griffon. He looked so focused in his work. The soft thud of his hammer on his chisel was soothing.

“Hi Blackwall,” Maeve said softly. The Grey Warden looked up and was surprised to see Maeve there. However, his face softened into a smile. Ever since that night, he had transformed into someone different. No longer was he distancing himself from her. Instead he seemed to embrace the possibility that they would be more than boyfriend and girlfriend. He put down his chisel and hammer and walked to her. His embrace was always strong and he always had the scent of wood following him. It was a greater comfort than Maeve would care to admit.

“How was the Emerald Graves? I heard you helped out Haruko but stuck around for a little more,” he said.

“There were so many trees…I’d never seen so many trees that blended into one another like that…and it didn't matter if there was a road or not, it was still so…hilly,” Maeve explained in her usual dramatic way. “And I helped out Haruko. She was having trouble getting close enough to get some paperwork. Seems this Samson guy is making Cullen’s life difficult.”

“I would have to agree. Emprise Du Lion was a big mess,” Blackwall informed as he pulled away from Maeve and returned to his woodworking.

“You went to Emprise Du Lion?” Maeve asked. Blackwall gave a nod.

“The Inquisitor requested that I accompany him to take back Suledin’s Keep. It is now one less stronghold for the Red Templars to have control of,” he said. Blackwall must have gone around the same time Haruko went. The Inquisitor only followed Haruko after she set word to Leliana that there were people being held in the quarry nearby as captive prisoners. Hal seemed to leap to action after that letter. Maeve herself wished to go but Leliana had her posted in the Emerald Graves for some more scouting. There was a group of elves that separated from the Dalish Clan currently stuck in the Exalted Plains and Maeve was to help locate that patrol. Sadly, there was no one left except a bunch of corpses. Hal and the others might go and investigate the ruins nearby once they were done securing Emprise Du Lion.

“Did Hal have you come back?” Maeve asked. She situated herself in the usual chair by the faded fire. 

“He’s just overseeing the resources that will take care of the new Keep,” Blackwall explained. “And Cassandra’s with him. I’m sure he will be well protected.”

That’s right. Cassandra and Hal were now an item or at least soon to be. The way those two talk to each other it was almost like Haruko and Cullen again. However, Hal was definitely trying to win Cassandra’s affections the old fashion way with poetry and flowers. Cassandra was definitely not a flower girl type.

“I’m sure Cassandra would make sure that Hal would never go out on a fun adventure or detour,” Maeve said with a laugh. 

“Not without a full squad of soldiers at his back,” Blackwall said with a little chuckle. There was a small silence that fell. Not an awkward one, a pleasant one. Maeve enjoyed listening to the sound of Blackwall’s hobby in the distance while her eyes watched the small amount of flames dance before her.

“Haruko out again?” Blackwall then asked.

“Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah,” she replied. There was clear worry in her tone. Blackwall looked over his shoulder at her. 

“Hahaha, it’s your fault,” he then said with a grin on his face. Maeve scowled at Blackwall, even went so far as to stick her tongue at him childishly.

“Those two would have never gotten together if I hadn’t intervened and you know it,” Maeve said proudly. Blackwall chuckled more and gave a small nod. Though the same could be said for them. Had Haruko not returned the favor, he would have never finally made the decision he had made several nights ago. There was that silence once again, but Blackwall could feel something different about this silence. There was a slightest hint of quiet anxiety. He turned to look at Maeve. She had brought up her knees to her chest and her eyes looked deep into the fire. There was a soft frown upon her face, and there was a look of worry.

“You didn’t get a chance to see Haruko?” Blackwall asked. Maeve tore her gaze away from the fire and looked at him. There was then a small shake of her head.

“I got a letter from Varric saying that she’d be with Dorian, Cullen, and himself to investigate Samson’s stronghold,” she said. It was natural to be worried about her friend. Blackwall knew that. They were the only two from a different world all together and could only imagine how lonely that must have felt at times.

“She’ll be okay. If she’s with the Commander, no harm will come to her,” Blackwall said with confidence. Maeve’s look of worry and anxiety didn’t seem to go away with his words alone.

“I know…but I can’t help but worry,” she admitted. Blackwall nodded. He then looked thoughtful. There was this one request he was going to ask the Inquisitor, but given the circumstances, perhaps it would be better to take Maeve with him instead. It would take her mind off of Haruko and they would also have some time together.

“Maeve…would you like to go to the Storm Coast with me?” he asked. Maeve looked back at him with a curious look.

“What for?” she asked. The Storm Coast wasn't exactly a romantic place. It always rained there, or at least every time they went there it was always raining. 

“The Inquisitor found some Grey Warden artifacts there and marked them down on a map for me when he last when there. I have been meaning to ask him if he would accompany personally to find these artifacts but…I thought…maybe you would like to go with me instead?” Blackwall asked. Now that was sweet. It meant so much more that he was asking her to come with him on a personal quest. For that matter, they would get a chance to be alone…perhaps they might enjoy some time together and get to know each other without so many people around them.

“Sure! I’m really good at finding stuff apparently,” she said. Blackwall smile with appreciation and gave her a soft kiss on her temple. The whiskers on his beard tickled her face.

“Then go get ready, it’s going to be a long ride,” he said affectionately.

~

The soft sound of drops echoed as they walked along a steep path. Today, at least the rain was light unlike the last few days where Blackwall and Maeve were stuck underneath a tent waiting for the downpour to pass. Even the other Inquisition officers were trapped under their shelters. This place sure did not take a break from the constant showers of water from the sky. Maeve rolled her shoulders a bit to try and get the uncomfortable feeling of wet clothes off her skin. It didn’t help much but it gave one second of reprieve. 

“I didn't think it would be raining this much,” Blackwall commented in irritation. He was ahead of her. The map that he had before him. Thank whoever watched this place for magic. Maeve could guess that the piece of paper was charmed so that it would not smudge or get wet with the rains in this infernal place. Though she did wish that it would help to stop the water that kept dripping into her eyes. 

“I don’t think anyone expected it to rain this much,” Maeve said. Her short legs struggled to find confident footing on the loose rocks beneath them. The cliffs in this area were always in constant threat of loose rocks. With the amount of rain they got recently, it would be no surprise if they found a path that was blocked by said rocks. For those traveling up the steeper parts of the terrain, it was all the more dangerous. 

“I hope the rain didn't wash away your artifact,” Maeve said once she got to Blackwall’s side.

“I doubt it…it looks like the artifacts are on flatter portions of land,” Blackwall said as he looked at the map once more. Maeve brushed her wet hair out of her and looked at the map that Blackwall was looking at. The first artifact did not seem that far away from them. Perhaps just over this hill? Or maybe the next. This place had too many hills, nooks and crannies for things to hide in. 

“C’mon! let’s go find that thing!” Maeve then said. She grabbed his hand and started to pull him along the trail. They were not going to find the artifacts just standing there, letting the rain soak them to the bone. Besides that, it was a great excuse to finally start to hold hands as they walked along the trail. Now that Blackwall had committed himself to the relationship, he didn't shy away from such things. In fact, he seemed to welcome it. They walked up the rest of the steep path and only stopped when Maeve felt a tug on her hand.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to consult the map again?” Maeve said impatiently. Blackwall gave a small chuckle.

“I want to be sure we are in the right area, unless you want to climb more mountains in this weather,” he said with a glance up from the enchanted map. Maeve pouted. No, she wouldn't want to continue to climb these ridges and slopes all day long. She’d much rather do other things like have a drink in the local tavern or have a little rough and tumble with Blackwall…unfortunately, Maeve was a little worried that he wasn't ready for that sort of thing. Not yet anyway.

“I would much rather be in my bed, under the warm blankets with a good book,” Maeve said. Though she watched as Blackwall half froze in his actions. He was definitely thinking about her words, the unnecessary pause after the word “bed” coupled with the word “under.” Of course, she would not have wasted any time teasing the hell out of Haruko had she said those things, Blackwall was too much a gentleman to say anything. 

“You could have said no,” Blackwall then said.

“But then we wouldn't enjoy this moment…with each other…alone,” Maeve continued to tease. There was a slight pink coloration that definitely crept up Blackwall’s neck at her words. Maeve could hear a distinct swear under that beard and giggled to herself. Blackwall then walked forward and passed the woman who teased him so. 

“Aw, I didn’t mean it like that,” Maeve teased. She reached out and caught his hand as he walked away. He made no move to throw her hand away but he definitely did not look at her.

“You completely meant it the way you said it,” he retorted stiffly. Maeve couldn't help herself. He was so cute when he was teased. Though, Maeve wished he would at least tease her back at some point. Maybe it was too much of the Grey Warden in him or maybe more than that. They walked further along the top of the cliff and came to a small hut. The weather definitely tore the place up. Most of the boards had fallen down or were blown away by the strong winds and heavy rains. On one post, there was the Inquisition insignia and a neat little box that was tied up with water proof cloth and pushed into a worn crate. 

“That was nice of Hal,” Maeve said as she crouched down to get the little wrapped package. 

“I wonder if it was too rainy that day to carry it with him,” Blackwall mused out loud and crouched down next to Maeve. 

“It might be better to look at these under a camp tent,” Maeve said and pointed at his map. Blackwall pulled it out in front of him and they both looked at it.

“There’s a camp not far west of here, we can look at these there,” Maeve suggested. Blackwall nodded. If these were paper goods, then it would be better to view them under some sort of shelter. With this unpredictable weather, and the fact that these were old artifacts, it was the best course of action. So, they hurried to another camp and set up beneath one of the tents set up there. The rain started to pour down in buckets, an unending roar of water on the canvas above them.

“Looks like the Maker has an unusual sense of humour today,” Blackwall said as he held open one of the flaps. Maeve could see the drops bounce as they hit the rocks. There was a light rumble of thunder in the distance, no flash of lightening yet. But it meant that their adventures in the rain would have to halt for today. At least they got out of the rain before the Maker or Andraste decided to dump the entire bucket of the ocean on them.

Maeve was the first to change, and not once did Blackwall turn from his spot. Such chivalry. Any other man would have attempted to take advantage of such a situation, but not this man. He waited there patiently as he watched the skies continue to rain down upon them. Maybe that is why Maeve was comfortable enough to get out of her wet clothes and into a change of drier ones with him there. 

“Doesn't look like it’s going to let up any time soon,” Maeve said as soon as she was done. She walked to his side and looked out at the ridiculous weather. It was almost as though she was back in her world. There, every season could occur in the span of a day. Snow, rain, sleet, everything at once. It was like the weather could not decide on what it wanted to be half the time. At least here it was not terribly cold like other places.

“I’m afraid not,” Blackwall said. Thunder cut him off with a loud crack. Maeve jumped in the air with surprise. That particular clap of thunder shook the ground around them.

“Looks like we’ll be here for a while,” Blackwall said with a half chuckle. Of course, that was karma. She teased him earlier and now he got to laugh at the shock of loud sounds. 

_Laugh it up while you can_ Maeve thought dryly. Blackwall seemed content enough to just dry off his face and beard while he sat on his cot. Maeve sat on the one that ran parallel to him and swung her legs as she thought. What could they possibly talk about that would not be awkward and interesting? She’d already had the lectures about the Grey Wardens from Blackwall and he was running out of things to explain. It seems being away from the main body of the organization allowed for gaps in information to occur. Not that it was that surprising, his role in it was to recruit individuals and sometimes that meant travelling to distant lands. They weren’t exactly a popular group of people, or at least that is what Dorian and Haruko said.

“So…” Maeve started because the silence was getting to be too great. “What kind of artifact was it?”

Blackwall looked up at Maeve and then looked over at the box on a makeshift desk made of crates. Judging on the look, Maeve could guess he had yet to look through the contents of the package.

“I’m not sure yet, probably something old and Grey Warden,” he answered. There was a hint of a smile. Of course, there was, he liked smiling at his own jokes. Maeve couldn't help but give an exasperated and dramatic sigh. She was well aware of what could possibly be in the box but wanted to know what actually was in the box. Blackwall got up from the cot and walked to the package. He took off the water soaked cloth so that he might answer Maeve’s question properly. 

“Hmm…looks like a Warden Commander’s badge…” he said softly. He took it out of the small container with great care. It was small, definitely deserving of the term badge. Maeve got up from her cot and walked to his side to look at it closer. There were two griffons, side by side with their faces away from one another. Each had a wing outstretched that made an elegant U shape. Below them, the griffons gripped what looked like tree branches…or something of the like. Haruko or Dorian might be able to explain what it was exactly in more detail. They were into that sort of thing.

“Why would a Commander lose his badge?” Maeve asked. Blackwall took the box with him and walked to his cot once more. Maeve followed and returned to her own seat.

“You know that the Grey Wardens sacrifice themselves in order to rid the world of Darkspawn…even our great leaders can succumb to those foul beasts…I think it would be safe to assume that is what happened to this Warden Commander,” he explained. His voice sounded distant, like he was thinking about something rather painful. Maeve didn’t necessarily like it when he got like that. It was when he fell into his thoughts that he started to pull away from her. Those memories…the oath he took when he became a Grey Warden…his duty…things that he reminded him that he gave up everything in order to protect the world. Those were the things that made Blackwall think that he did not deserve to have this relationship that they were currently in.

“Is that all that’s in there?” Maeve asked. Maybe she could get him away from those thoughts by talking with him more. Blackwall looked away from the badge and in the contents of the box.

“Looks like there might be old Grey Warden treaties. I’m sure Josephine and the Inquisition could use them in their fight against Corypheus,” he said hopefully. There was the old Blackwall she knew.

“Strange though, there were two points on this map we needed to explore,” he commented. Then he took out what looked to be a letter and read the contents of it. 

“Ah, looks like the Inquisitor did find one artifact but the rain made him worry about damaging the papers as they were surveying the area,” Blackwall said with a nod of approval. Well, that meant their adventure would be cut short. Maeve sighed heavily as she was looking forward to spending a lot more time with Blackwall on this adventure.

“Don’t look so disappointed,” Blackwall comforted.

“I’m not disappointed,” she said with a pout. She then threw herself on her cot all dramatic like. There was the distinct gruff rumble of a chuckle from Blackwall. Maeve couldn't help but smile to herself. Anything to continue to hear him do that. 

“I think by the way you are pouting and acting, I would say you are disappointed by the nice gesture the Inquisitor made,” he said. 

“Maaaaaybe…because we have hardly had time to spend together!” Maeve said as she rolled over on her side to look at him. There was a smile on his face, a small one, but one none the less.

“I wouldn't drag you out here in this weather if there wasn't more to it,” Blackwall then commented as he put the Grey Warden artifacts away. So they weren’t completely done? Does that mean that other mark on his map was something that the Inquisitor didn’t find? What other thing could possibly be out here in this place that was not washed away by the tropical like downpour? Not that she was complaining out loud per say. It meant she had more time to spend with Blackwall. 

Maeve watched as Blackwall set his things on the small stack of boxes near the entrance of the tent. He then turned around and walked all the way over to what she thought would be his own cot, but instead he stood beside hers. Her heart started to flutter with more thoughts and scenarios that they could possibly have together like this. Romantic and adventurous, tender and wild, all of them good things.

“There is one last artifact I’d like to find with you,” he said in but a whisper. There was a soft press of his hands taking his weight as he looked over Maeve and drew closer to her. 

“Think of it as an apology…and an explanation as to why I refused your advances,” he added. Maeve did not necessarily need and explanation as all people had their reasons for doing things. If they were too painful to talk about, she completely understood it as long as they were willing to say so. Blackwall had said something similar, not quite, but enough for Maeve to figure out that it was not an easy topic of conversation. However, the thought of actually getting an explanation, of unraveling the mystery around his behaviors, it was exciting.

“Is that why you invited me along?” Maeve asked. Blackwall gave a slow nod and then he gave her a light kiss on her lips. Nothing more. Maeve could feel the spark of passion she wanted, had half a mind to spurn Blackwall forward, but he was the one to pull away from her. His eyes looked as though he did not want to stop, that he wanted to continue. Damn him for being so indecisive at critical times like these. Blackwall gave a small smile.

“After, okay?” he said. “I need to do this in the right order, I just need you to wait a little longer.”

For all her teasing, Maeve could not help the blush of anticipation. Blackwall was the one being more romantic and intimate than before. Whatever the reason, Maeve did not want him to just stop there. Sadly, she would have to be content with his words. The cot gave a small groaning creak as he lifted from her and retired to his own bed. Maeve had to try and hide her own excitement, and perhaps still her mind with these other thoughts that raced through her head.

~

The next day the weather was far better. The rain finally passed over with the worst of the storm and now Maeve and Blackwall could continue on their quest. Blackwall had turned into a somber man, a far different than the man that happily teased her and asked for her patience. The area that they were looking in had a single rundown shack of a house. The weather last night seemed to have caused the collapse of the roof, making any search inside the building dangerous and impossible. It did little to lightened Blackwall’s current mood. 

“There doesn't seem to be anything here either,” Blackwall sighed with disappointment.

“We’ll find it,” Maeve encouraged. If it was this important to him, then she would have to step up her own searching game in order to help him. Blackwall looked through some of the outside crates and tossed wood beams away from them in order to search further inside. Maeve had decided to go around the other side of the building and look around a broken window. Inside it looked as though she could squeeze herself in and search inside. 

_And if that roof falls on me…I’d be trapped or worse…_ Maeve thought to herself. Blackwall would probably refuse to allow her to go in there for fear of her safety. But if Blackwall was going to find that artifact, or whatever it was, then she would have to swallow that fear and be brave. So, Maeve took a deep breath to calm her nerves and placed her bow just outside the window against the house. She then carefully hoisted herself into the broken window, cautious of the glass around her, and easily climbed into the building. Her boots gave a soft thud as she landed softly inside.

It was worse in here. Whoever lived here did not live very long. There were blood stains everywhere, and maybe a human bone in the corner. Either this place was the sight of a murder, or it was open enough for animals to come in and use it as their shelter. That was one thing that Maeve did not want to think about, not when the house would creak and groan to remind her of her precarious situation. 

_I better look quickly_ Maeve thought. She’d have to get over her current worries and focus on helping out Blackwall. What was available for her to search through was a chest. No animal save for maybe a bear, could possibly open this. It looked untouched and undamaged by the tests of time. If anything, there was a small patch of moss growing on the wooden parts. Maeve flipped the metal hinges that kept the lid firmly connected to the bottom. She then pushed open the heavy lid and saw that there were clothes inside. They looked rather old, torn, and even blood stained. Just on top was a badge, very similar to that of the Warden Commander’s badge. The only difference was the size and the color which seemed to have faded.

_This must be it_ Maeve thought. She then made her way back through the same window and around to the front of the house where Blackwall was rummaging through more ruble.

“Is this it?” Maeve asked with a half trot to his side. The bearded Warden turned and looked at the badge she held out in her hand. There was a flash of shock across is face followed by a look of deep sadness.

“This is it…” he murmured softly. Blackwall took the badge gingerly in his hands and thumbed over the crest.  
“His badge.”

“What was that?” Maeve asked. Blackwall had said something very soft and faint, but Maeve didn’t catch what it was. It might have been nothing, just an exhale of excitement or awe of finding something that could have easily have been lost.

“Oh, uh, nothing,” he tried to cover up poorly. Maeve frowned then. He had that look on his face, the same one he would use when he was reminded of his Grey Warden duties or his past. Obviously, whatever he had said was something about that…or something similar. He tried to turn and hide his face from her but Maeve placed a hand on his forearm to stop him.

“What’s going on?” she asked. Blackwall looked back at her with a look of surprise and then away as if to think of what to say next.

“It’s nothing, just me saying silly things,” he continued to brush off Maeve’s queries. “Must be me getting senile.”

The hell it was. Maeve knew better than to let the wool be pulled over her eyes, or in this case clear dismissal of her worry. They were doing so well before and now he seemed to recede back farther, to a place before they even met. Maeve didn't want to see him walk away from her, not after that promise last night. More than that, she did not want him to return to those days where they were awkward and unable to talk to one another. When they felt they could be something more but Blackwall would push her away. None of that was something Maeve wanted to relive. 

“You have this weird look on your face,” she said seriously.

“You making fun of my beard again?” Blackwall asked. Maeve sighed heavily. No, that was not what she was saying at all. Why could he not talk to her?

“The same one you get when you start to feel as though we shouldn't do this,” Maeve clarified for him. Blackwall said nothing to her comment. Again, Maeve felt that sick sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as the silence drug out. Did Blackwall start to consider this was a bad idea? That they should end things here? No! She couldn't let things that have not been said skew what might actually be going on in his mind. And then he walked away from her. Maeve watched as the one man she held any sort of feelings about walked away from her. 

~

It had been a few days since their little adventure to the Storm Coast. Maeve found herself unable to talk to Haruko and calm herself down from that moment. It hurt so much to have Blackwall walk away from her without any sort of confirmation about their relationship. There was not so much as a yes or no when she asked him. He’d just walk away from her. Had he said something, it was too soft for her to hear and each time it was just heart ache after heart ache. Maeve had slowly started to realization that Blackwall might not want her around anymore. She wished she’d never found that badge in the first place! Maeve buried her head in her pillow once more and tried to stop the tears that threatened to spill over. 

Where was her best friends in a time like this? Haruko and Dorian were out fighting evil Templars. Sera was doing her Red Jenny things, and the Iron Bull was with the rest of the Wolf Warriors still occupying Emprise Du Lion. Spock was great for the cuddles but he did not give the conversational support that she craved at this time. If she had her phone she could text and get a reply back within a few hours. Here, there was no such thing and messages took days. For now, Maeve had been stuck in this loop of going to talk to Blackwall and getting some answers and being too afraid to break whatever they had left.

_Knock knock knock._

There were soft knocks at her door. Many of the other scouts that she had become slight friends with had gotten worried about her. Leliana might not have had an assignment for her yet, but they still checked on her and informed her about some of the missions they went on. Maeve was prepared to yell and shout, but that would have been rude. Instead, she wiped the tears that were traveling down her face and got up to answer her door. With heavy feet, she walked to the door, gripped the handle and turned the knob. Behind said door was the last person she expected.  
Blackwall.

Speech left her and at the same time tore her mind apart. She should be scream at him. Yelling at him. Telling him to go away after what he did to her. But the look on his face, the fresh scent of wood that made it seem like his griffon carving was right there in his hands…she couldn't bring herself to say go away.

“…I…uh…wanted to apologize for what happened at the Storm Coast…” he finally said. “There are a lot of things… a lot of things I’ve been thinking about…but I’m not sure how to explain them… But once I sort through it all I will come and find you and tell you everything.”

Blackwall didn't expect much. He was waiting for the shouts, the hate, the anger. Everything he did told him that he was definitely not worthy of her affections. How many times now had he hurt her? How many times had he not been the one to explain what was going on? It was far too many to really think about. He shouldn't expect forgiveness, hell he shouldn't even be here anymore. But the thought of what he did…of what he had said before all of this…it was too much to ignore. Too painful to think about. 

Maeve slowly opened her door enough to allow him to walk in if he choose. The she watched as shock and confusion appear on his face. She could see how conflicted he was, could damn near feel it. But if there was one thing she wanted for him…out of all of this…out of all this pain she walked through. It was for him to be happy with her. Him being here proved that much, that he wanted her enough to come and apologize. Or at the very least explain what was happening. She deserved that much. 

“I’ll be here…” she said softly. “When you are comfortable enough to explain them…”

That was not what Blackwall was expecting. He thought he might fall to the floor in sheer shock. The tension he had, the nervousness he had, the bracing he did in order to come up here just left at those words. There was no way she forgave him that easily. Where was the yelling? The demanding of an answer? The anger? None of that was here. 

“You forgive too easily,” Blackwall said softly. Maeve looked back at him. He was the one that looked like he was ready to cry. This was the first time she really saw him at a loss for words, at a loss as to what to do. He was hurting, and she didn't know why. Maeve didn't know how to take that hurt away from him, not when he was unwilling to explain it. And she understood that feeling on a personal level. Yes, perhaps she should yell at him, to tell him off for what he did so that he would not do it again, but not now. Not when he looked too fragile for words. So instead, she took up in hand and half tugged on it to get him to walk into the room.

“If you can’t learn to forgive them you’re just going to get tangled in a web of hate that will suffocate you in the end,” she said softly. Blackwall did not know what to say. There were no words. He was thankful. He was happy. He didn't know how to describe all of these emotions. All he could do was walk the few steps it took to get close to her and hug her in a tight embrace.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he whispered softly. “You should have just yelled at me…turned me away…”

“I can do that now if you want. There’s still time,” she joked with him. She wanted this. This strong embrace. The feeling of his strength firmly holding her and the scent of him washing over her. She could feel that chuckle he gave at her small little joke. This…this was what she wanted back. But his arms loosened and he took a half step back.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Not in jest but in reality…with real anger…and you acting like this…”

“It’s just?” Maeve continued for him in question form.

“I’m not the man you deserve, and I don't think I ever will be,” Blackwall said. “After what I did to you…I shouldn't even be here…I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

Maeve gripped his hand tighter. She was not going to let him slip away, not when she thought the opposite. He came not to ask for forgiveness, but to explain the situation. It might not have been the explanation she wanted, but it was at least something. 

“Blackwall…you told me you are working through some things, things that I might not even get,” Maeve said. “I will try to understand them if you explain them to me. I will be here for you to support you through whatever it is…”

“Maeve…” Blackwall cut her off. It was nearly painful to watch him tear himself from the inside out. He really thought he didn't deserve her, and that conflicted with the real feelings he developed for her. So, Maeve pulled at his hand and reached up to touch his cheek.

“Blackwall, there is no one else I’d rather be with than you,” she said. Blackwall looked down at her, placed a hand over hers and closed his eyes. He craved her in every way a man craves the woman he loves. But there was something that he must do, something that had to be done before…before…Blackwall found himself leaning down and kissing Maeve right on the lips. It was innocent at first, soft and thankful, and then it grew in passion. So much so that it scared him.

“Now you can’t say things like that and expect me to hold back,” he said as a soft whisper on her lips. Maeve didn't care. She didn't want him to hold back any more. Why didn’t he get that?

“Then what are you waiting for?” Maeve asked suggestively. Blackwall looked over her face, looked for some hidden meaning or a joke or something else. Then he looked behind him and closed the door quietly behind them. There was a soft click of the latch on the door and then he turned to look at her.

Two steps. Two steps was all it took for him to cross the threshold of her room and pull her into a passionate kiss. Maeve moaned in surprise, felt the tickling sensation of his beard against her face. They stood like that, just kissing passionately and with abandon. All of those times he had held back, all those times he had restrained himself for her sake, now the chains were gone and Blackwall was free to follow what was in his heart.

Strong arms lifted Maeve up off the ground, and her legs wrapped themselves around his waist. Had she been any shorter that might not have even been possible. No matter, she would have made it possible. Her hand tugged on his clothes, to open his outer jacket and encourage him to undress. Blackwall took a few more steps and gently rested Maeve on the bed she slept on. Not once did he break their kiss. Only when air burned in their lungs did he pull away. Maeve could feel his lips kiss at her neck, gently caressing and teasing her skin with the hair of his beard. Maeve couldn't help but squirm, give a groan of satisfaction when it felt so good.

Blackwall’s hand tugged at her clothes, removed them from her body. He was ever so gentle regardless of how passionate or rough his kisses tend to get. Maeve tugged more at his jacket, to remove his clothes as he did for her but he wasn't going to allow her to do such a thing. Instead, he stood back enough to undress fully, revealing the muscles that developed over time. The same body that wore heavy armor day in and day out. The strength in his arms from when he had to practice with his sword and shield in order to protect the world from the darkspawn threat. Everything that was hidden beneath armour and padded clothing. 

He returned with a fierce kiss, and pressed his body as close as he could get to her. Maeve wanted more, damn near needed more than just that. This foreplay was just the beginning, this sensation was building into something far more than just raw lust and desire. Maeve kissed him, touched him, encouraged him for more. On arm tangled itself around his neck, holding him to her as he continued to dot her skin with kisses, the other searched far lower to the hem of his pants. 

The bulge was her prize, and she was rewarded with a groan or a growl of approval from Blackwall. He moved forward, enough to give her reach to do anything she wanted to do to him. So, Maeve started small, just to figure out what he liked. Just the gentle rubs on the outside of his pants gave her desired reactions. A small swear or two, a rewarding kiss on the side of her neck or on the lips. The best part was when his hips seemed to move with her hand.

“Maker…” he breathed softly against her skin. Blackwall dipped his own hand to hers and led her underneath the hem of his pants. There was a slight rush of embarrassment that was quelled quickly at the sight of Blackwall losing his well-guarded gentleman like nature. He showed her exactly what he wanted, what felt good. He was guiding her, showing her instead of using words that might otherwise be lost in this state of passion. Maeve happily followed his lead, watched as his body was the one to give into the pleasure it desired. And then he turned his attention to her.  
Blackwall’s hand left hers and decided that pants were no longer needed. Now he was bare before her, kissing her, kneading her soft skin, returning the same feelings of pleasure as she gave him. Maeve couldn't not remember when the rest of her clothes disappeared, and it didn't matter. All that mattered now was that Blackwall was willing to do this with her, do things to her to make her weak and wet. While her hand teased his manhood, his hand slowly teased lower and lower. Until they were just exactly where they needed to be.

Maeve arched into his touched, gave a light moan at the sensations his calloused fingers caused. No one would have ever suspected that Blackwall was like this, that he was attentive and careful in his own affections in the heat of passion. He teased her, searched for those hot spots on her body with his lips that made her groan and nearly beg for him. Her hand had slowed to a stop, unable to think through the heat of this passion building between them.

“Blackwall…” she moaned his name as his fingers rubbed against her. More, she wanted more. 

“Please…Blackwall…please!” she said between incoherent moans. Blackwall stayed his fingers, but continued to plant kisses all over her body. Maeve panted lightly, oh so disappointed that he decided to slow down to a painful slowness. But it was not because he didn't want it, but because he was being careful. Maeve could feel the shift on the bed, the soft dip in the mattress as he knelt before her. Instinctively, she spread her legs as wide as she could to give him better access, all access. A hand just next to her hip, to steady himself and the other to help lift her hips to meet him.

Blackwall was not a man of words, he was a man of actions. He was slow, careful, intent, and attentive to every reaction. Maeve did not hide her pleasure, did not so much as even try to stifle the moan that ripped through her being as she felt Blackwall stretch her so fully. Even he could not contain his own pleasure, a grunt or short gasp of surprise as the rush of feelings running through his body. There in the relative silence of their heartbeats, Blackwall seemed to wait for a moment. Or was he struck in awe of what they were sharing between each other? 

That did not so much as even matter, not when Blackwall began to rock a gentle pace back and forth. Maeve tangled her hands in her comforter, gasping at every thrust Blackwall made. It was a slow and testing pace, one that gave way to the brutal passion the both of them felt for one another in that moment. Blackwall gradually sped up to blazing and strong thrusts while Maeve moved to meet him for each one. She cried out in pleasure, words that were incoherent and he grunted with the exertion of each pleasuring stride. Maeve could feel his grip on her hips, the tightening of his fingers as he continued to grow wilder. There was too much. Too much! Maeve wanted more but also did not want to end so quickly. Their bodies went to their peak and even beyond that. Somewhere between ecstasy and pure bliss.

Maeve cried out as her body shuddered and quivered. Blackwall grunted and panted heavily as his own shuddered with the force of his spiked pleasure. There they lay, gasping in the glorious afterglow of their passion. It was unbelievable. It was indescribable. It was something that Maeve would be willing to do again and again. She felt Blackwall move so he lay next to her, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to catch his breath. A big smile appeared on Maeve’s face and she lay there, content, beside him.

“That was…” she murmured and then couldn't help but give a sigh. How could she put _that_ into words?

“We’ll find a word,” Blackwall helped her out. Maeve turned her head to look at up.

“Just…give me a few moments,” he said softy. Maeve wasn't sure if he meant to think or for something else. If was the something else, she would be willing to wait for the rest of the day for a round two.


	27. One Word: Miracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruko, now Aaren, has returned from her personal quest with Cullen. But is she truly back. Has Cullen just brought back empty shell of Haruko's wounded and broken body?

Maeve was enjoying herself in the tavern, the Herald’s Rest, with the Iron Bull, the Chargers, and the Wolf Warriors. They were all finally back from the Emprise Du Lion and that was a cause for celebration. They defeated the Red Templars and gained another foot hold in the land of Orlais. They could help more people, rebuild the small town of Sahrnea, and even repair the old bridge that had collapsed to the east of the tiny town. Maeve could finally catch up with the Iron Bull, fill him in on all the juicy details of how her relationship with Blackwall just took a giant leap. The only other two people she really wanted to talk to were Dorian and Haruko, but they were still out with no news regarding their missions. The Wolf Warriors were a friendly bunch of people, and even assured her that Haruko would return with the Commander unscathed…or rather the Commander would be unscathed and she would have taken all the hits. Maeve was certain there was some sort of behind the scenes bet going on judging by the way they argued about it.

“The Captain will come back,” Ian said. This was the man that ran the Wolf Warriors while Haruko was absent. Maeve had little chance to get to know him outside of the normal duties but it seemed that Haruko choose a decent person to be her right-hand man.

“Of course she will!” Finn said with passion. This was the other archer that had taken a liking to their beloved captain, but also had drunk a few too many drinks. Maeve couldn't help but feel these guys might fight over who believed in those words more.

“Boy, settle down. We all know that the Captain will return, successful in her mission with the Commander at her side. No use arguing about something we agree on,” Allisen said. The woman had not touched a drink. She felt that being out of control of her sense was not worth the trouble.

“Agreed,” Maeve chimed in even though she took a rather large gulp from her own drink.

“It’s definitely great to be back though,” Ian said. Did alcohol even phase this man? He’d already had three drinks and was sitting just as sober as when he started.

“I don't think I could have taken the snow another day,” Finn murmured in soft complaint. The man didn’t look like he had much on his bones to keep himself warm let alone stay out there in the wintery hellscape.

“But we’re back! And kicked some ass too!” the Iron Bull said with a mug raised in the air. The Chargers and some of the Wolf Warriors cried in unison at his words. The sheer comradery here was unbelievable. Guess that was what the Inquisition really did in the face of world destruction.

“I’ll drink to that!” Krem shouted and did exactly as he said. Several other people followed suit and some even polished off their mugs. Maeve couldn't help but laugh with them. It was hard not to allow such infectious celebration and happiness to affect her. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know what our Captain has been up to?” Ian asked. Maeve felt a small knot start to form in the middle of her stomach. She shook her head with a look of worry and disappointment. The other Wolf Warriors nearby looked at one another with the same worried look but then it gave way to a chuckle or two of disbelief.

“Am I supposed to know something?” Maeve asked. She was utterly confused about what just occurred.

“Nah, I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Ian said as he flagged down one of the servers. “If Haruko has made it a point not to send reports or letters to update her position, then it is possible that it’s serious.”

“If the Commander himself went with her, then it was serious to begin with,” Allisen added. The server happily filled Ian’s pint. The Iron Bull was the one to continue.

“Haruko tends to send small updates. One word letters or a few sentences just to let them know she’s alive and well,” the Qunari said simply. “That’s how the Wolf Warriors tend to judge the danger she is in. If she’s made time to send off a letter or two, no big deal. But if there is silence…”

“I think she’s got the point,” Ian said without looking at the man. Maeve was now between worry and panicky. If Haruko didn’t send any word, then they should start to worry. But her men and women were less worried because the Commander of the Inquisition was personally at her side. Perhaps she should just believe in their judgement. After all, these men and women would die for Haruko.

“The Captain will come back,” Ian said with a nod. “You’ll see.”

“I bet they’re taking a detour,” Finn said with a sloppy, telling grin on his face. Allisen was the one to hit him on the shoulder. Maeve couldn't help but laugh. Even within Haruko’s platoon of men, they were gossiping and spreading unnecessary rumors. It was good to know that they were aware of their relationship even if it wasn't exactly a secret. The door to the tavern slammed open just at that moment and a lone soldier stood there looking winded.

“Any healer here is requested to the infirmary at once!” the soldier reported loudly and with urgency. The patrons fell silent and looked at one another in the confusion. What could have happened? The soldier did not waste their time. They left in a hurry, perhaps to continue his message on to other gathering places in Skyhold.

“I wonder what happened,” Maeve murmured with a mixture of her previous worry and slight curiousity.

“Looks like I’m up,” one woman said. She stood up and drank the last of her drink.

“Go get ‘em Robin!” Finn cheered. The young man definitely drank far too much. The woman who stood up, Robin, gave a wave and half jogged out of the Herald’s Rest. She didn’t get two feet from them when another soldier came up and Robin slowed her pace to a halt. They exchanged words and Robin looked over to the group, pale and worried. There was a fierce nod and Robin darted out faster than lightening from a mage’s fingertips. Ian was the one to look grave. 

“That’s not good,” Ian murmured softly. The remaining soldier looked to walk on but Ian flagged him down. Maeve turned to watch as Ian marched over to the soldier with purpose. More words were exchanged and Ian nodded once. The soldier then gave a hasty salute and disappeared from sight. Ian, on the other hand, looked more worried. He ran a hand through his raven hair only to knock some of it free from his ponytail. A hand placed on his hip as he thought then looked back over at the group of people waiting for him to return,

“If he doesn’t come back over here and tell us what’s going on, I swear I will drag him back myself,” Allisen said with a grumble of tension. The man walked back and seemed to still try to wrap his mind around whatever was told to him.

“Ian…what happened?” Maeve asked. It was out of concern for the man that, before, seemed unshakeable. Ian looked to them once more and gave a huge sigh.

“It’s the Captain…” were the only words that came out of his mouth. Silence followed suit. A few of the Wolf Warriors looked to each other in disbelief. Maeve was the only one that seemed to think it might have been funny.

“Haruko’s always throwing herself in the way of danger,” Maeve said with a light chuckle. “Did she slip and fall?”

Ian’s hard glare snapped to her and Maeve found that her voice shriveled up. That was not the look of someone joking, that was the look of someone who was completely serious.

“The order came from the Commander himself,” Ian said. His gaze then looked to the rest of them. “Go find the other healers in the group. The rest of you make yourselves available to help them out. Do whatever it is they tell you to do. If you’re too drunk, you’re on your last drink.” 

“Are they back now?” Maeve asked as Ian stood up.

“That’s what I am going to find out,” he said. He did not so much as even wait for her. The stomp of his boots on the hard wood floor echoed while Maeve scrambled to get untangled from the complicated table bench. Maeve then rushed outside to catch up with Ian and found that there was already a crowd of activity buzzing around them. There were soldiers, healers, and helpers that made their way to the infirmary. Others were crowded around to get a glimpse of what was going on. Maeve could feel the knot in her stomach grow more as she ran to catch up with Ian.

The man shoved others out of the way, no apology or polite “excuse me.” Maeve couldn't bring herself to apologize for him, not when the masses seemed to crowd around and make things far more difficult than it needed to be. Currently the Inquisition soldiers were trying to do the polite thing and get the people to make a path for them but it seemed rather ineffective. 

“MOVE!” Ian barked over the light roar of the masses. Those in the area quieted down and stepped back as the Inquisition soldiers softly instructed them to back up. There were others that did not hear.

“Move! NOW!” a commanding and decisive voice roared over everyone. Maeve wiggled her way out from the crowd and to Ian’s side. She looked down the line of people, to see the source of the roared command. It was from none other than the Commander himself. In his arms was a limp and unconscious warrior. It was none other than Haruko. Maeve’s breathe caught up in a gasp and her hands covered her mouth. Haruko, from this distance, already looked pale and ghostly. Two arrows stuck out of her body. The crude bandages around said wounds were already dyed a crimson red. How could this have happened? Haruko always came back with scrapes and bruises not on deaths front doorstep. 

“Maeve,” a small whisper called to her. She couldn't move, couldn't hardly breath. This was her friend, a best friend, now so still and pale that she might as well be dead. Tears threatened to spill forth but a firm hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality. Ian gently reminded her where they stood, and with the firm and gentle hand pulled her back beside him to allow the Commander to walk, unhindered, into the infirmary. Maeve waited until she saw Dorian and Varric walk right up. 

“Maeve…she…I’m so sorry,” Dorian was speechless. If Dorian was speechless, then this was indeed serious. Maeve swallowed hard. Tears already threatened to break her dam of calm stillness.

“How is she still breathing?” Maeve heard one person in the crowd ask someone else.

“Dear Andraste, I hope she pulls through that,” someone else said. Maeve wasn't sure how much more she could take. Masamune trotted up behind them, slow, covered in mud and leaves. The wolf did not stop, not once, not until he was sitting at the front doors of the infirmary.

“There was an ambush,” Maeve heard Varric said. Her mind was numbed, and she was unable to keep up with what was going on. She looked back to Dorian and Varric, both of whom were talking to Ian. He looked stern, worried, angry.

“The Red Templars had ransacked the place. Tried to make it so that the Inquisition could not follow Samson,” Varric continued to explain. “We met some resistance out at the front gates, a poor welcoming party if you ask me, but there were few left to remain at that place. Probably the ones that had lost their minds to Red Lyrium.”

“Were you out numbered?” Ian said, though his words bit hard. He was trying not to outright yell at them, to scold them for not protecting their captain. To be level headed in this situation…must have taken more self-control than he had ever had to use before.

“Three to one,” Dorian said with a sad nod.

“You’d cut one down only for two or three more to show up in their place,” Varric added. Ian breathed a heavy sigh. His gaze then turned to look at the infirmary with a worried look and then back at the two survivors.

“Thank you…at least you got her back,” Ian said with a nod.

“I hate to be the one to say it, but wounds like those,” Dorian started to try and be realistic. Maeve didn't want him to say anything, didn't want realistic. She wanted her friend to be safe, to be healed, to have a fighting chance. Everyone right there knew that Haruko had little to zero chance of walking away from this. She’d walked away from a dark future that never came and had a mountain fall on her. Ian then cut him off with a half step in Dorian’s direction and the deadliest glare.

“You brought her back,” Ian said. He emphasized ever single word as though it were some hidden warning. To tell Dorian to say nothing more without saying those exact words. The mage shut his mouth and silenced the words that wanted to follow. Maeve could not take much more of this. So she walked away from them, walked away from the confrontation. She wanted to see Haruko, wanted to make sure that she was going to be okay. If anything, she wanted to support Haruko, give some sort of strength or at least try and beg her not to leave this world. 

Maeve hurried to the infirmary. Masamune lay at the front door, waiting patiently as ever for Haruko to walk right out of there. Maeve knew better though, knew that this would be a longer wait than a simple doctor’s visit. Her hand pushed the door open and chaos erupted around her. Many of the healers were rushing about, their words hummed in harsh commands while others were tending to Haruko’s wounds.  
Maeve had seen people hurt before, had seen terrible wounds and had killed people before. None of those bothered her as much as this bothered her. Her best friend lying there, still, while people tried to get her clothes off and out of the way of the wounds. Haruko should have been awake, should have cried out in pain, showed some sign that she was still alive. But no…she was silent…still…

“If you’re not here to help, then get out of the way,” one of the healers snapped angrily. Maeve’s horror and worry turned to anger within two seconds.

“Hey! That’s my friend!” Maeve shouted at him with anger no one would understand.

“All you’re going to do is get in the way here! Move it!” the healer said severely. Maeve was about to say something but another person, a mage, stepped between them. He pressed a firm hand on the healer’s chest and pushed him back a bit.

“Yelling is not going to help this situation,” the mage said softly. The healer eyed Maeve with an angry stare. 

“The person that needs your attention is over there, not here,” the mage reminded. Maeve glared at the rude healer more even as he walked away and went to help tend to Haruko. Many others gathered around her and blocked her from view. The mage that had defused the escalating argument. He slowly, elegantly turned to Maeve.

“I apologize for my colleague,” he said. “We all want your friend to make it out of this alive. Having you here might put you in the way of our jobs, and cause unwanted distractions. I hope you will understand.”

Maeve was still pissed off. They were trying to push her farther from Haruko’s side. Did they not know that Maeve had always been there when Haruko was wounded? When it was serious enough that Haruko could not care for herself on her own? Did they not understand that Haruko was the only other person that came from her world?! Did they not understand…

“…Please…” Maeve begged. The tears she tried to hold back were already starting to carve a stream down her cheek. The mage placed caring hand on Maeve’s shoulder.

“We will do everything we can to make sure she walks away from this,” the mage said with confidence. Even if it was faked, even if this mage truly did not believe that Haruko would walk away from this, it made Maeve feel a little better. She nodded. The mage gave a small smile and a pat to her shoulder and showed her the way out. 

_Pull through this…_ Haruko you have to pull through this Maeve thought as she watched the door behind her close.

~

There were muffled words. Sharp pain. The pain…she needed to breath. But the pain. It hurt so much. But if she fell asleep again…if she let the darkness take her again…maybe next time it would not let her come back.

_I can’t just…Cullen…Maeve…I can’t…_ Haruko…no…Aaren. Aaren was the name she wanted now. That was her real name. The name that she was given at her birth. Aaren thought those words. She wanted to move, to move away from the sharp pain in her shoulder. But the strength she had…it was gone. Her arms felt heavy, but not just her arms…everything…it was almost like the stabbing pain in her torso and shoulder bolted her down, pinned her to the ground. 

“Rest child,” someone said softly. “You will need every ounce of strength you have.”

Aaren couldn't…she could not leave everyone like this. She had to come back, tell Maeve that she was coming back like she always did. She had to let Cullen know that she would be okay. To give that familiar hug or receive that kiss on her forehead. What of Masamune and Yakul? Who would take care of them? 

“I…” her voice was a hoarse whisper. Weak, faint, just as she felt. If only she could get some water, maybe then she could speak. But did she have the energy to do that. She could feel the darkness tug at her mind, pull her away from this world. There was a faint pressure…a hand? Something on the other shoulder, the one that didn't hurt.

“We will not give up this fight as long as you do not give up…” the voice said. It sounded close to her ear. Was that Robin? The darkness started to swallow her senses once more. The sense of hearing slowly faded into silence, and then her sense of touch into a sense of numbness…and then everything was gone.

~

Cullen stood just outside of the infirmary, his back to it. His heart was heavy, as heavy as his arms felt. He’d failed. He’d failed to protect the one person he’d begun to care about. He looked down at his hands. The same hands that carried her from that awful place. She was so limp, so still. 

_“You’re…you’re okay”_

Her words and her pained smile haunted him. Regardless of what happened to her, she was worried about him. She worried about Varric and Dorian.

“How could I have been so foolish,” Cullen murmured to himself. He should have never asked her to come along with him. He should have just let her continue to take Suledin’s Keep. Maybe then she would come running back to her with open arms, laughing as she told him that bruise on her face was nothing but a lesson on protecting herself. 

“You did it because of the care and trust between you two,” a voice said quietly. “She was probably playing hero again.”

“There was no heroism about it!” Cullen snapped. “There was an ambush, and no one could get to the archer in time…The only thing she did was get his attention of the archer…it should have been me in there…instead of her…”

He turned to shout directly at the person who spoke to him. Who dared to think that is something she wanted to do! There was nothing heroic about fighting for your life! Not when...Maeve stood there with an equally frustrated glare at Cullen.

“Don’t get shitty with me!” Maeve replied with a snap. “She was trying to save you! That’s pretty heroic to me!”

“What’s the point of being a hero if you’re to die for it?!” he snapped back. Cullen didn't want another hero, did not want another person to sacrifice themselves to this cause. He especially did not want that person to be Haruko…no…she said Aaren…she wanted to be remembered as Aaren.

“She was willing to sacrifice herself for _you_. Because she cares about you!” Maeve half shouted at him. Cullen was at his breaking point.

“What good is that when it will kill her?!” Cullen roared at her. Then a body came between him and Maeve. Who in the hell would dare?

“That’s enough! From both of you!” Ian said harshly. He didn't yell, but the look he gave each of them was a warning.

“Standing here, yelling at each other is not going to fix things,” he said. Cullen stepped away from the situation, damn near thought about using his command to punish Ian, but he couldn't. Not when there were others before him that could have used someone like Ian. A person willing to step into the fray and calm the situation down.

“The Captain would want us to work together, find something to help move forward,” Ian then reminded. “She’d also tell you that both of you are not to blame for her condition. I suggest we walk away from each other for a while and cool down. Then we can all support the Captain together.”

Maeve and the Commander were both silent. Both of them were well aware that Haruko would never blame them for the condition she was in. That she would laugh and say that it was her own dumb fault for allowing whatever it was to hurt her. But that was just it. She wasn’t laughing. Hell she was still in critical condition even as they shouted and bickered. But Ian was right. Shouting and arguing and throwing blame at one another was not going to make things any better. Maeve turned and walked to the small bench that she had made her home during the day. Cullen watched her walk away, and then turned his back on the infirmary. Ian, continuing his strake of bravery, spoke up. 

“Commander, if there is one thing I know about Haruko,” he spoke up. But Cullen had had enough. 

“What would you know of Haruko?” he snarled quietly to the man. Ian was surprised, genuinely by the severity of his commanding officer’s tone.

“You were not there…you did not see her…smile at you…relieved that you were unscathed while she lay there bleeding out,” Cullen said in the same harsh and quiet tone. “You did not hear her request…to be called by her real name…to be remembered…”

Ian’s eyes widened at that. Their captain was had never said things like that, had never expressed a fear that she was going to die. The commander said nothing more. Instead, he walked away from Ian, to disappear behind the mountains of paperwork that waited for him in his office. Ian turned back to the infirmary with a worried look.

“Come on Haruko…” he whispered. He wasn't exactly an Andrastian, but in this moment, he was willing to try anything that might help. So he looked up to the sky and searched for something, someone to answer his small prayer.

“Andraste…don’t take another decent woman…”

~

How many days had it been? A week? Time was irrelevant so long as Haruko lay there unmoving. Maeve had listened to the healers over and over again. Haruko had been a lucky woman. The shots she took were severe but they did not puncture anything fatal. The blood only came from when she was moved around, unable to heal properly. But even so, the damage the arrows had inflicted might be for life. Her arm might ache now every time she picked up her sword. But all of those were mere speculation. Nothing was certain until she woke up and told them how she felt.

Maeve had waited loyally beside Haruko for days now. Masamune, after a decent bath, always followed her to Haruko’s side during those visiting hours. Not once did Maeve complain when the wolf would stand up on his hind legs and nudge Haruko’s hand. Not once did he decide it to be a good idea to jump up on the bed and cuddle with his favorite pack mate. The wolf seemed to understand the severity of the situation. Currently, Masamune on the side of the bed, his eyes closed as he rested there. Maeve gave a small sigh and glanced back at Haruko’s sleeping form.

“How is she?” a familiar voice asked. Maeve turned around and saw Blackwall walking up to her in a quiet fashion. He looked worried and probably came in to check up on her. Maeve had not perked up since Haruko’s terrible arrival and he worried that she might get worse if no one else looked after her. 

“She’s getting there…” Maeve replied. “She’s at least stable now.”

Blackwall placed a hand on Maeve’s shoulder and she placed a caring hand on his. There was the soft squeeze of reassurance when words seemed to fail them both. Maeve leaned back in her chair, her head rested against him in a silent beg for reassurance.

“…I’m sorry,” Blackwall said softly. There was nothing else he could do to make her happy. He was no mage, he could not just wave his hand and make things all better. For those that were it didn’t seem to help much. 

“Thank you…” Maeve simply said. She just wanted him at her side, maybe to hold her and tell her things will be okay when clearly nothing was certain. 

“She’ll recover soon enough,” Blackwall encouraged. “Just as she always has.”

“I hope so,” Maeve said, letting her worry show. “I don't know if I can do this without her.”

“Do what without her?” Blackwall asked with concern. What did that mean?

“Be here in this world without her,” Maeve admitted. “She’s my best friend.”

Even so, that did not mean that he wanted Maeve to follow suit. So Blackwall took up another chair and sat as close as he could to Maeve. He then pulled her into an embracing hug, one to hold her and comfort her. He could feel Maeve slowly start to break down, or try to prevent one. 

“She’ll recover, Maeve,” he said in quiet reassurance. “She’ll recover.”

~

Cullen sat at his desk, the candle light flickering over the reports he read over and over again. How many had he gone through and written in order to continue his job here at the Inquisition? His nights were no longer restful, not that they had been after his recent decision to stop taking Lyrium. Now all he could see was her face. That pained smile as she expressed her relief that he was okay. 

The quill in his hand quivered as he thought about it once more. That was the reason he was down her again. The cravings were bad enough, this unending thirst and the cold sweats, but the nightmares of Haruko…Aaren…of her bleeding out in his arms…it was something far worse than that. The commander put down his quill and covered his face with his hands. That was the only moment that he could ever remember her being so delicate. That one wrong move from him and Aaren would be lost forever, that she would have broken. And that was the point that made him terrified.

For all of her bravado, for all of her strength she called upon. That one instant, he could clearly remember the fear and the terror. The sudden realization that she might not come back, that this was the end of her adventures…that she was mortal. 

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen breathed. His hands tried to rub away the worry, the weariness, the pain. But nothing seemed to make it go away. No amount of sacrifice to his work would make this go away. So instead, he left his quill beside his parchment and walked over to his office door. The night air blew across his face as he walked out on the ramparts. It was definitely a cool night, but not a terrible one. It felt good to get out of that stuffy office, especially when the stars were out as they were.

Between the unlit torches, Cullen could clearly see the stars above him. Haruko…Aaren had shown him this. She’d taken time out of her day to show him something this spectacular. On one occasion she had brief occasion she tried to explain to him that the different colors were different gasses in a place called “space.” It was a concept that he could not understand, but listened because she seemed so happy to explain something that came from her world…

“If only you were here…” Cullen murmured softly. His heart ached for her in a way that he couldn’t explain. Looking up at the stars like this…it made it seem worse. His feet had him wandering over the ramparts, through the halls of Skyhold and right to Haruko’s room’s front door. Cullen couldn't explain why, or even how he ended up here. His hand reached out and held the doorknob for a moment.

What was he doing here? This was her private space. He shouldn't even be here, this late at night. What would the others say? And yet his hand twisted the knob and the door opened with a soft creak. There before him were Haruko’s things. A slightly messy sort of room with clothes half discarded in a rush or maybe sheer laziness. There was a bed in the corner for where Masamune slept on occasion. A few rope toys for them to play tug of war. Cullen couldn't help but smile slightly at the thought of Haruko playing a tug o’ war game with the big wolf. 

Cullen then walked in and closed the door behind him. The table with a single chair was completely covered with stray papers just as his desk looked like. The reports that she needed to complete, some letters dedicated to different contacts, stray parchment for just in case…it was all too similar to his way of working. In spite of the worry he had, he chuckled to himself. Perhaps he was a terrible influence on her work habits…and just as quickly as that amusement came, it disappeared and left a hole within him. The commander walked across the threshold of the room. The bed was the only place that seemed to be straightened up. A few books sat on her end table, as well as a half-burnt candle. 

_What was she reading?_ Cullen asked. It was a book on the First Blight. Cullen sat down on the bed and looked at it. A little piece of paper stuck up from within it. It wasn't very far in. Perhaps she just started this before she went on their quest…Cullen sighed again and held the book in his hand, as though cradling it so that it would not crumble beneath his hands. This was the room Haruko…

“It’s Aaren…” Cullen murmured to himself. This was her room…this is where she lived…aside from the times she spent outside of this room. To help save Thedas and to spread the influence the Inquisition might have to those in terrible need. And after that…she spent extra time with him…A hand covered his face as he tried to keep his worry in check.

“Why…” he whispered softly as soft tears broke through the defenses he guarded so closely. “…Aaren…”

~

Another day went by, and still Haruko had yet to wake up. The sun just started to peak above the mountain tops, and the birds began their morning song. Maeve walked into the infirmary as quiet as possible. There were other people that were resting there as well. Maeve thought that Haruko might wake up with the sun as that had become her alarm clock since coming here. The healers even thought it might be a good idea to set her next to a window so that she might actually feel the sun. So far, no luck. 

Maeve walked stopped when she noticed that there was someone already seated in the usual chair she sat in. That someone happened to be Dorian. Ever since he’d returned with Haruko in such a state, he’d been half himself. There were times when he would just stop talking, turn away from the normal busyness of the library and find time to be quiet. It was strange since he normally enjoyed companionship whenever possible. Maeve was sure that he blamed himself for not watching out for Haruko. For not being able to help as much as he could. And just like everyone else, he wasn't going to believe anyone who told him it wasn't his fault. So, Maeve slowly approached the worried mage.

“Hey,” she said softly. For all her desire to wake Haruko, she sure was quiet. Dorian turned to look at who spoke and looked a little surprised.

“Oh,” he said as a reflex. “Sorry. I just…wanted to make sure she was still okay.”

“Don't apologize,” Maeve said. She then placed her things on the nightstand next to Haruko’s bed and then wrapped her arms around Dorian’s shoulders. They stayed like that in silence for a time. But silence was all they heard, and it was painful.  
“She’s going to be alright…” Maeve said softly.

“I realize that…but…” Dorian trailed off and gave a heavy sigh. “This must look strange to you, worrying over someone like this.”

“I know you a little better than you think I do,” Maeve admitted. Then she got a small smile on her face.

“It was for my benefit as much as it was for yours,” she added. There was nothing wrong with a little humour to lighten the mood, right? All this doom and gloom, surely Haruko herself would laugh at herself in order to make them smile. But Dorian did not smile, he didn't so much as even look at Maeve.

“The look on her face…” Dorian shook his head. He remembered when he turned to look for her. He had missed the first arrow, but he saw her face distort with the pain of the second. It was shock, horror…words couldn't describe it properly. And the rage he felt…he’d not had many people that would be willing to call him a friend. Despite all that shamed his homeland, all the information that painted him the evil Magister from Tevinter with the goal of world domination…Maeve and Haruko had been the ones to disregard that. 

“I saw the bastard myself. I should have taken him out when I had the chance,” Dorian finally finished. Maeve pulled back from her friendly hug.

“You did what you could,” Maeve said as she gave his shoulders a reassuring rub. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I think those of us who witnessed it blame ourselves for letting it happen. It’s a natural reaction when one of your friends nearly dies in front of you,” Dorian informed. There was a small lightness to his tone, as though he attempted to make some sort of humour out of it. But Maeve could see that it wasn't nearly as light as he tried to make it.

“Dorian, she’s not dead…” Maeve said firmly. Her friend was still laying there, breathing. Yes, she had been unconscious for a long time, but that did not mean they were to just going to give up on her. Not while she still drew breath. 

~

Darkness. Complete and udder darkness. Aaren felt as though she were floating. Her limbs felt too heavy and would not move when she tried. Was this the death she her body finally was going to give her? Is that why she could hear the soft whispers of voices in the distance? What were they saying? They were so faint and distant. If Aaren concentrated, she could make out one or two words. But the more she concentrated, the heavier her shoulder felt. The heavier her chest felt. That heaviness started to change into something painful. It started with a pinch, then it rushed into stabbing pain. It took the breath she had away with a single groan. But even she could not hear her own voice. It was weak just like the rest of her body.

Something moved, something next to her. It caused a soft ripple of movement and then it was still once more. There was no way she was in water. She’d feel more like she was floating…not like before, but lighter right? At her back was something solid, something firm. Was she on a bed? There was another shift, lighter and closer to her right hand. It made it bounce ever so slightly. Then there was the feeling of something wet and cold. It shocked Aaren, but she couldn't react to it. The cold wet whatever it was shoved at her hand, buried itself between the firm perhaps bed and her hand. There was a soft whimper. Then the whimper grew louder into a whine. It almost sounded like it was Masamune. There was a brush of fur, the sensation of it on her hand and then the soft warm tongue against her skin before a gentle shove of her hand. 

“Mas…Masamune?” Aaren whispered hoarsely. She tried to open her eyes, to see the world around her. But it hurt too much. It wasn't because it was too light, it was because the very act of breathing was nearly unbearable. It was a struggle to get her wolf’s name out. 

“Welcome back from the land of the dead,” a joking voice greeted her. Dorian? Aaren’s eyebrows furrow. She really had to try and open her eyes. The world was bright, the sunlight was barely coming through the window but it was enough to illuminate the world around her. To her right, Masamune, with his front half up on the bed and his bottom half wagging uncontrollably. To her left, Dorian sat there with a happy smile on her face and Maeve stood there with tears in her eyes.

“What…happened?” she asked softly. Maeve was too elated for words. Her friend was back from the grave, or wherever she went to for that long week or so of uncertainty. She sat down, carefully, next to Haruko and brushed some hair that had fallen out of her face.

“Do you remember anything?” Dorian ask. Aaren looked a little confused. Everything was a little fuzzy. She remembered a battle…the…the arrows that shot her…

“How about your name. Do you remember your name?” Maeve asked. Aaren looked to Maeve’s face.

“Aaren…” her voice was soft and in pain. Maeve looked confused and looked to Dorian with said confusion. Dorian nodded.

“Told the Commander she wanted to be remembered by her real name…Aaren,” Dorian half explained. Maeve wasn't sure why Haruko…Aaren would want to return to her original name. Aaren had said that her name was common amoung the boys where she lived and she often got bullied for being too boyish. Once she got into school and started to learn Japanese, her nickname was created and no longer was she mixed in with the boys. 

“You’re Dorian…” Aaren continued with a glance to the mage sitting down. “And you’re Maeve.”

There was a slight pause. Haruko…now Aaren, grimaced as she attempted to take a deep breath. Maeve could only imagine the pain that she must be feeling right now. Masamune gave a slight whimper and made to jump on the bed but Maeve held out a steady hand to block him. He didn’t need to push Aaren too fast. 

“You remember us,” Maeve then said. “That’s good.”

“How could…I forget?” Aaren murmured. Both of them watched as the wounded warrior seemed to lull her head back. Both Dorian and Maeve tensed. Had they pushed her too far too fast? Was she okay? Then Aaren opened her eyes once again and smiled weakly down at her wolf. She could only manage a small wag of her fingers. Masamune plopped his butt down and rested his head close enough to those weak waggling fingers.

“There’s no need to push yourself,” Dorian said calmly. Maeve got up from her seat beside Aaren. She must have been thirsty, hungry, all of the above. That left Dorian and Aaren alone for a little bit.

“…Haruko…Aaren…” Dorian started to say. How could he apologize? He could have easily blasted away that archer with one flick of his wrist. Yet he didn't. He thought she was safe from the archer. That he could not get a good shot. Dorian could have stopped him.

“Dorian…” Aaren said softly. The mage looked at her. She had the same strength she always had in those eyes. The same flame of determination. Though her body was weakened and hurting, Aaren remained strong of mind for all of them. How she did that he would never know.

“I’m going…to be okay…” Aaren murmured. Her left hand would not lift up. She couldn't comfort him with a pat of his knee. Hell, she could barely get these words out to him. Dorian did not need to beat himself up for something that was beyond his control. There was the sound of soft footsteps that heralded the return of Maeve. The mattress to which Aaren rested on sunk in just a little bit. 

“Here,” Maeve said. “Drink some of this.”

Aaren could feel the cool press of a glass or whatever material the cup was made of. Then there was the slow feeling of water as she drank from the cup. Never in her life had Aaren been so thirsty before. If she could she would have gripped the cup and drank it whole, but even then, her body refused to move. Maeve was kind enough to let Aaren drink every last drop from the cup.

“You were playing the ultimate hero,” Maeve said as she gently took the cup away. Aaren took a well needed breath. It was shallow, painful, yet necessary for her to live.

“Thanks…” Aaren murmured. The pillows behind her head were too soft. It made her too sleepy…too tempted to close her eyes and fall back into the blissful world of unconsciousness.

“You’re lucky to be alive,” Dorian commented. He still seemed sad, upset, but was there a hint of impressed in that tone? Just a hint? Or was Aaren just hallucinating things? It would not be surprising. She was just so exhausted.

“I feel like it…” Aaren then said softly. It still felt like those arrows were stuck in her body. The pain felt as though it went through her chest, through her shoulder and pinned her to the bed she lay in. 

“Everything…hurts…” she whispered. Aaren swallowed hard.

“Which is why you don't get to push yourself at all,” Maeve reminded sternly. That same mother hen tone…Aaren did not think she would miss that tone. 

“I don't think…I could…” Aaren admitted. It was so tempting to fall back asleep, but she was not sure how long she was unconscious. There were vague memories of pain…of Cullen holding her firmly as they traveled to Skyhold…

“Then rest and leave the rest of the work to us,” Dorian said calmly. 

“I’ll do the work this time,” Maeve added with a playful grin to him. Aaren game the smallest smile. Normally she would have fought against their reign of terror, fought against their dynamic duo of over bearing protective natures. But that was then…before Aaren fully experienced the fear that she would not come back from this mission…that she would die. Even now the threat of unconsciousness was growing, and Aaren had little strength to fight it. Her hand had slowed to a stop, unable to continue to give the weakest scratch to Masamune. Every time she blinked, her eye lids grew heavier and heavier. She had to let Cullen know she was okay…that she wouldn't leave him…

“Let…” Aaren breathed out. Even her voice sounded weak and waning. “Cullen…Cullen…needs…”

“Why don’t you tell him that yourself, when you wake up next?” Dorian suggested. The mage could definitely tell that Aaren was fading fast. She needed to rest, to gain her strength. They could easily tell the Commander that she was awake, put his mind at ease. Maker knew how much that man was tearing himself apart over her condition. If anyone truly blamed themselves for this, it was him. 

“He’s here all the time, don’t worry,” Maeve reassured. Maeve could see the worry start to slowly fade from Aaren. The woman would do anything to help other damn the consequences to her own health and current state. 

“Just…let him know…I’m okay…” Aaren murmured softly. Dorian and Maeve watched as their friend fell unconscious once more. Yes, they were worried but more than worried they were relieved. Aaren was going to pull through this. Dorian leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. Maeve looked to him, a happy smile plastered to her face.

“Cullen should have been the one here…not us…” he murmured.

“It was just as important that she woke up to both of us too,” Maeve said. She then stood up from her spot on the bed. Dorian gave a small nod in agreement. For his own personal benefit, he wanted to apologize for his short comings…and come to find out that she said the exact words he thought she might say to him. It was also nice to know that she was not going to die. That his decisions…the lack of help on his part…it didn't cause her to die. 

“It’s good to know she’s doing the best she can,” Maeve commented. There was a small silence. Dorian stood up from the chair he sat in.

“I suppose it was…” Dorian agreed. “It’s a relief to know she’s on the recovery.”

“You and I both,” Maeve said with a nod. Now there was only one other person that needed to know about Aaren’s miraculous recovery. And that person was going to do one of two things. Drop all of his work that he was working on at that very moment and sit by Aaren’s bedside till she opened her eyes again, or freeze and lose himself in the relief that will wash over him.

“I should probably tell Cullen,” Maeve said softly. Dorian had already walked halfway to the exit door when he heard Maeve’s words. Yes, the Commander needed to be notified…and perhaps Maeve was the only other person to do so. With that in mind, he turned around and walked softly back to Maeve’s side.

“I’ll stay here until you get back,” he suggested. Dorian was aware that Maeve would not leave Aaren for a second, not while the visitor hours were still available. Maeve looked to him and gave him a slight grin.

“You? Stay here?” Maeve teased. She was relieved enough to tease him. Things must be looking up. The Tevinter mage gave a soft grin. He himself could not contain it.

“Strange, isn’t it?” he said. “The Vint who sacrificed his time for a simple non-citizen of Thedas…what will people say?”

They both grinned at one another. Maeve was right. Dorian really cared under all of that show off nature of his. He really did have a soft spot for his friends, even if he pretended not to care. 

“Alright… I entrust to you the task to make sure she doesn't wake up and start walking around without my permission,” Maeve said in a small official tone. Dorian gave a light chuckle and returned to his seat. Maeve on the other hand walked out of the infirmary and looked up to Cullen’s office. He was going to be the world’s most relieved human after this. And he deserved to be. The worry he went through, the guilt that tormented him far beyond his personal life and affected those around him…it was too evident that Aaren had become someone that was extremely important to him.  
Maeve turned and hurried up the set of stairs leading up to the Great Hall of the Inquisition. The people there were a buzz of activity. Visiting dignitaries, soldiers returning from various posts, and various other nobles that might have their chance to speak to Hal, whenever he returned from his current quest with Cassandra Pentaghast and the missing Seekers.

“Spooks! What are you doing up here?” Varric’s voice called out to her. Maeve looked over to the dwarf. It looked like he had a losing battle of paperwork stacking high on his table.

“Haruko…I mean Aaren woke up not too long ago,” Maeve informed. She was all too happy to say it. Haruko…Aaren was now on the road to recovery. 

“You’re kidding…that’s the best news that I have heard all day,” Varric said with a giant grin on his face.

“She fell back asleep though…I’m sure she need a lot more time to recover from this,” Maeve then said. Varric gave a nod.

“No kidding…I thought for sure this would have been the last heroic adventure she would go on,” he admitted softly. Maeve gave him a small glowering frown. The dwarf held his hands up in defeat.

“I’ve written too many tragedies, seen too many things to not know where things might go. This…this was the last thing I thought was going to happen to her…” he said. “Heroes don’t get good endings, or rarely do. I’ve met only two people so far to ever fight for a happy ending…maybe there can be more added to that very small list.”

“I’m sure there are more,” Maeve agreed with a nod. 

“I bet Curly’s dying to know. I’m sure he’s beat himself over this whole thing enough for the rest of his life,” Varric then commented with a thumb pointed to the door that would lead to his office. 

“I’m sure we have all worried enough for the rest of the year and then some,” Maeve added with a wave good-bye. No one else was going to stop her, not even the elf. Thankfully he was busy painting on another mural for his room. He was quite talented if you had the time to admire them. Now was not the time however. Maeve walked through the elf mage’s room and out the same door that Aaren walked a thousand times. Her footsteps walked briskly too the door and she opened it with an air of joy. Immediately it was stopped by the state the commander looked.  
He was definitely dejected, devoid of any positive emotion that he had previous. There was no smile on his face, no sort of life that he seemed to have before. His movements seemed to be robotic, as though it were forced. The Commander had definitely forced himself to get through the day, or worked himself to the proverbial bone. His work was what distracted him from all of this…but even then he could not ignore how much Aaren had become a part of his work, a part of his life. Even when she walked in he looked up with a small glance, no comment on the lack of a knock as he would usually say.

“Commander,” Maeve said with a respectful salute. “I have some news for you that I think you might like.”

“Such as?” Cullen asked. Even his voice sounded hopeless. All the more reason to give Cullen this piece of happy news.

“Now don’t get too excited, but Haruko, I mean Aaren, woke up. She’s doing okay, but she’s still exhausted so she’s asleep now,” Maeve started. She held her hands out, as though to try and calm down an animal that was frightened of her. A clatter echoed on the stone floor of his office. The papers on the clipboard rustled and folded awkwardly because of where it landed. The work that Cullen had been working on, the reports he had been reading and going over were out of his hands. The disbelief in his face, the shock, it looked like he was having a hard time taking the news.

“And you are sure of this?” Cullen asked for confirmation. Maeve gave a firm nod in response.

“Yes,” Maeve said with a nod. “Dorian and I were checking on her and she woke up for a moment. It was obvious she’s nowhere near great yet. She was exhausted and pained…but she was awake…She’s going to make it.”

Maeve made sure to sound beyond confident in her words. She wanted no room for confusion or doubt, not with this. Cullen looked away from her, walked a few steps from her and then turned back to her. The doubt in his eyes was apparent, but there was a twitch or two of happiness and the wave of relief that wanted to crash over him.

“She’s going to live, Cullen,” Maeve said with a big relieved smile over her own.

“Thank the Maker…she lives…” he whispered to himself. Maeve could hear those words echo. None of them repeated those words, but they repeated in their minds. Aaren lives. Her friend would live. The one person he had great feelings for would survive through this. A great warrior would walk away from this and fight again. But that was not all that Maeve had to say.

“She wanted me to tell you that she’s okay,” Maeve said. Cullen looked back over to her with a mix of disbelief and thanks. That woman…she could have been bleeding out…did bleed out…and she would make sure he was okay before taking care of herself. Aaren was unbelievable.

“She said that?” Cullen said in a heavy sigh. _Of course she would say that._

“She’s worried about you,” Maeve said kindly. And of course Aaren was worried about him. She would care for him first without a second thought to her own health. Cullen wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, but most of all he wanted to walk down there and hold onto her and never let go. He wanted to confirm for himself that she wasn't slipping away…not like she was on that arduous and painfully frightening trip home.

“You should get her a gift. For when she wakes up,” Maeve then suggested out of the blue. The commander looked at her with weary confusion.

“A gift? Is this something you do in your world?” he asked. Maeve gave a nod.

“It is,” she answered. “She would love it if she woke up and you gave her something. Like…oh I don’t know, flowers.”

Cullen shook his head. Aaren was not a flower girl. Maeve might disagree with her, but Aaren was not one for flowers. She liked admiring them from afar, might have given a thanks for such a gift, but Aaren was more…she enjoyed a hug, or a small sign of affection rather than something cliché as a flower. Maeve even frown at him. He was right. Aaren liked odd things. Historical things, books, strange clothing at times. There was one thing however that she really did like. 

“Give her a stuffed animal! Do you have those here?” Maeve then asked.

“A stuffed animal?!” Cullen looked utterly surprised. Things like that were for children, not for grown adults. Maeve gave a halfhearted grin. It was amusing to see the surprise. If there was one thing that both Maeve and Aaren could do her, it was surprise them and push the boundaries of what they considered normal.

“I saw her dorm at college, she had a lot of stuffed animals,” she explained. “It’s a perfect gift. She has yet to start her collection. I bet it would mean so much more if you got her the start of her collection.”

Maker’s breath. Maeve and Aaren had strange traditions for these sorts of situations. But if it would make Aaren feel more comfortable…if it would give any chance for her to come back…to make her smile…perhaps this one little strange thing might be worth trying. But what did she like? He didn’t necessarily ask her what she liked. Cullen could remember she liked the color green from her clothing choices. Nature was something that she thoroughly enjoyed. But that was too broad of a category. There were many things in nature. Other than those two major things, he never really thought to ask her what she liked. He definitely would take the time to find out more when Aaren was well enough to talk.

“…Is there a particularly favorite animal she has?” Cullen asked.

“I don’t suppose you know what a panda is?” Maeve asked. Again there was the look of confusion. Maeve then shook her head. No time for explaining a creature that did not exist in Thedas.

“I know she really likes wolves and horses,” Maeve then said. Those were animals that were abundant here, right? She’d openly said she enjoyed her time down at the stables. Not for human contact but to just stare out at the horses and give them treats. Even sacrificed some down time for little riding lessons here and there. Then there was Masamune, her loyal wolf and best companion here in Skyhold. Honestly the little twerp made her feel a little jealous at times with how much time he got to spend with Aaren. One of those two animals would be perfect for Aaren.

There was a quiet silence. Maeve watched as Cullen picked up his dropped clipboard. The papers rustled softly and then the clink of the board hitting the desk echoed in the room. It was a silence of relief; one which words could not possibly describe the emotions running through a person. Maeve was glad to finally see Cullen be pulled from such a melancholy state.

“…Was…was she in pain?” the commander asked her. Maeve gave a small sigh. Part of her did not want to answer, as it would only worry him. But if she was receiving this information, she’d want to know as well.

“She was…but she’ll pull through it…she woke up after all,” Maeve reminded the commander. Cullen gave a soft nod and looked away from Maeve. She watched as he turned his back on her. That was the moment that Maeve knew the commander needed a moment. Quietly, she stepped out of his office and softly returned to the infirmary where Aaren was resting peacefully. 

Cullen stood there, his hands on his desk, his mind racing with the idea that Aaren was alive. The last few days, his mind was slowly accepting that she might not come back. That this one adventure was going to be too much for her…that he was the one that dug her grave…but the Maker…Andraste…Aaren was alive! Despite all the evidence and doubt that she would not wake, that she would die regardless…it was nothing but a miracle. The weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, the crushing grip of grief released its hold on his chest. With slow steps, he found a way back to his chair and just sat down. Aaren would live. Aaren was alive. She was alive.

“Maker…thank the Maker,” Cullen whispered to himself. For the second time in this long wait, small droplets of tears fell from his eyes.

~

Aaren had been in bed for several days now. She’s been floating in and out of consciousness. The pain was often times too great to bear for long periods of time, and wore her out fast. The healers were baffled by her recovery, even explained that their magic had very little effect on her wounds. They surmised that it might be possible that their world prevented extensive use of magic. The potions would only serve as a nice drink or to patch up minor wounds and bruises. Dorian was no healer, but he explained that it might have been because of how fatal the wounds were to begin with. None of that matter as long as Aaren was able to recover. 

Maeve could only imagine what it was like to lay there. Aaren would always ask what time it was, or what day it was, how long she had been unconscious. It must have been like turning on and off a light switch in her mind. That couldn't have been a good feeling to go through. Every time Aaren woke up she fought going back under. No matter what the pain, she struggled to keep her eyes open. It seemed that the simplest tasks would wipe her out too. Eating, drinking, simply speaking or even breathing. Simply living seemed to tire her body out more.

It didn’t help that she got visitors daily. Many of the Wolf Warriors were worried that she had died and came in to check. Ian came in on occasion, and Aaren was able to tell him to make sure the rest of the group stayed out of trouble while she recovered. Finn and Allisen came in to offer their best wishes on behalf of the rest of the Wolf Warriors. They might not have said it out loud, but they were definitely worried about Aaren. Robin made sure to make time for the scheduled check-ups. She was great with her magic, but she did admit that her healing skills were sorely lacking. Perhaps this would spur her forward into studying more about healing. Maeve couldn't say for sure if that would happen or not.

Currently, Maeve was sitting in her usual chair, right beside Aaren’s bed. Masamune had loyally guarded their best friend, and lay right beside the bed itself. Maeve had a book in her hand when she heard the wolf get up to a sitting position. The guy always knew when Aaren woke up. Maeve looked up from her book and watched Aaren’s face scrunch up with that familiar etch of pain.

“Morning Sleepy,” Maeve said to her friend. Aaren blinked a few times and looked at her surroundings. They were the same as ever. Masamune nudged her hand and Aaren struggled to place it on top of the wolf’s head. It was the only sigh of reassurance that Aaren could manage in her current state.

“Hey…” Aaren murmured softly. She might have been asleep for most of the night and the day previous, but she sounded so exhausted.

“You’re starting to wake up on a normal schedule,” Maeve said with encouragement. With any luck, Aaren’s strength will return and she’ll be able to stay awake longer.

“That’s good…right?” Aaren asked softly. Maeve nodded with enthusiasm.

“The healers said that if you get back on your old schedule, you’re more likely to recover your strength. But they don’t want you overdoing it too much. You’re still in pretty bad shape,” she explained to Aaren. There was a soft smile that appeared on her face. Of course they wouldn't want her to overdo it too much. She’d walked back from the very depths of death, not a lot of people could do that. At least with that mountain falling on her, she was not so close to death. This one gave her a real scare. But that was not why she smiled. It was because everyone knew that as soon as she was well enough to move around on her own, eat on her own, and pick the sword back up, she would be right back out there on the field. That meant they had the utmost confidence in her ability to heal. 

There was a small creak. The door? Many people liked to come in here and visit those that were still recovering. Some of them family, some of them healers and mages here to help with the recovery process. 

“Oh Inquisitor…Cassandra…” Maeve said. Aaren looked to see the two walk in and wear worry on their faces. Every person that had come to visit her wore the same look on their faces. But she was awake, she was fine, and they didn't need to worry any more. Hal came over and blew a low whistle. He looked more impressed than worried once he saw Aaren was awake.

“And I thought I knew how to make things dramatic,” Hal said with a light chuckle. Aaren gave a weak smile.

“It’s not like… I planned this,” she said softly. She definitely looked weak and in pain. Far from the warrior he had seen on the battlefield and knew in person. 

“How are you feeling?” Cassandra asked.

“She’s doing better,” Maeve explained for Aaren. There was no need to push Aaren to her limits. Aaren, however, found it quite annoying to have someone speaking for her when she was awake. It was the one thing she could do with little energy…or at least…that is what she told herself.

“I can speak you know,” Aaren spoke softly. Maeve merely rolled her eyes at her friend. Hal was the one that smiled. No matter what, be it a very near death experience or slight separation, these two would always care for one another as they always had.

“Praise Andraste for your survival,” Cassandra commented. “From the reports, your wounds should have killed you shortly after you left the stronghold.”

Aaren and Maeve looked at each other. Yes, it was a miracle. Maeve had asked a few days ago what in the world would possibly helped her remain here on this earth. Aaren tossed the idea of divine intervention, or perhaps sheer determination of spirit. For her, it didn't matter what happened. She was alive and that’s all she cared about. Maybe when she got better then she would start questioning it.

“I should have been there,” Hal said with regret in his voice.

“Hal…” Aaren said softly. “What happened, happened.”

“You had your own things to deal with,” Maeve added. “I’m sure Aaren would have run off charging into the fray anyway and got hurt in some other fashion.”

There was a wider smile. Aaren wanted to laugh but it hurt too much to do so. But Maeve was correct. With or without the permission from the Inquisitor, Aaren would have find some sort of hero work to do and go do it without question.

“They should have waited for reinforcements,” Cassandra said to Hal. The Inquisitor shook his head. 

“I gave them the order to go and pursue Samson,” he said. And Cullen ran with that order. Not only was this something that was essential for their success in the war against Corypheus, but it was something to finish personally. Samson would have been taken down, a part of Cullen’s past closed and possibly healed. Hal was not to blame for that order, no one was to blame for such an order. No one knew what the outcome of that encounter was going to be.

“Hal, it’s not your fault,” Maeve added. Both Aaren and Maeve have said those exact words to so many people. People who knew they could have come alone and helped in that particular moment. It just goes to show how much of an impact Aaren had on the people her in Skyhold. 

“You did what you could, and that is the cruel reality of war,” Cassandra said. Thank Christ, someone who did not get stuck on the past and thought of the present. Aaren was grateful that the Seeker could see that at least.

“You were able to come back, and that’s what’s important,” Hal added. What do you know, perhaps the Seeker was rubbing off on Hal. Amoung other things.

“Get some rest Haruko,” Hal said with a nod.

“Aaren…” Haruko corrected. There was a questioning look, as though he might not have heard correctly.

“My really name…it’s Aaren…” she said softly. Maeve sighed a little bit. There were so many people that would have to get used to that change. And there were many other people that were not aware of the change.

“I think she’d rather have her real name remembered rather than her nickname,” Maeve explained. For once Aaren was happy to let Maeve explain this. 

“Very well…Aaren…but you’ll have to forgive me if I forget,” Hal said with a light chuckle. Aaren gave a smile.

“I’ll remind you… with my sword arm,” she said softly. Hal and Cassandra both seemed to chuckle at that. Aaren was in no condition to argue about anything, or protest anything. 

~

Night graced Skyhold as it always had. The torches were lit and the routine soldiers began their marching rounds on the ramparts. Maeve was sitting in her normal chair, beside the sleeping Aaren. Masamune lay right beside Maeve’s feet this time. The poor wolf missed his cuddles with his pack mate. Maeve herself was pushing the limits of visitation hours, but Robin was on duty this night, and she always allowed Maeve to stay until just before the healer rotation. There was a soft creak of the infirmary door. Robin moved from her current task of organizing the bandages and potions for the next day to the door. Maeve only just closed her book and looked up to see the Commander walking towards them. Masamune pricked his ears up and then snapped his head up. The familiar sound of _thump thump_ against the chair leg echoed softly.

“…How is she?” the commander asked softly. He could see she was resting, but that was not the intent of his question. 

“She’s still resting,” Maeve said quietly. Aaren had been up enough to eat her evening meal and then that was enough to wipe her out. Every night now, Cullen came to visit when he had the chance, but every time Aaren was asleep. It was terribly cruel. 

“Don’t wake her,” Cullen said. He then walked to her bed side. Masamune got up from his spot beside Maeve and walked to Cullen’s side. He then sat down and wagged his tail, the telltale signs of begging. The commander looked down at the wolf for a brief moment. Those sad puppy eyes always looked up at him. But the commander was not here for just Masamune. He was here for Aaren…and she was still asleep. His gaze returned to Aaren and his heart half wished she would wake for him…just this once.

“She really wants to see you,” Maeve said with a look of pity on her face. The commander remained silent. He would never wake her, not on purpose or for selfish reasons. He even brought her her gift every night. Maeve had seen it for the past week now, and had made up her might to try and get Aaren to wake up. She’d watch as he always brushed a gentle hand on her face and give her the sweetest kiss on the forehead. There was always the whisper of “I’ll see you soon,” and then he would leave. Tonight, he did the same. A gentle hand to brush her hair out of her face, and a soft kiss upon her forehead. Except, he couldn't get the familiar words out of his mouth this time. Aaren’s face scrunched up ever so slightly and she opened her eyes.  
There was a very long pause, as though time had stopped just for them. The shock and happiness was enough to freeze both of them. They were too happy to see each other, too relieved to see that the other was okay. Maeve smiled, but knew when she needed to leave. Quietly, she got up and started to walk towards the door. Robin already had the door open for her.

“I’d suggest not letting those two separate for a long time,” Maeve whispered to Robin. The mage giggled a little bit.

“I don't think the commander would listen to anyone else’s orders other than then Inquisitor’s,” she whispered back. There was a little wink from Robin. If anyone could make sure those two would not be disturbed it was Robin. Maeve gave one last glance to her friend.

 _She’s gonna be all right_ Maeve thought with a nod to herself. She then left those two alone to catch up.

Aaren blinked. Cullen was here? This wasn't a dream was it? 

“Cullen?” she half whispered out of surprise. He smiled faintly, and then there was the sound of something dropping on the floor. She felt warm hands frame both of her cheeks and his forehead pressed to hers. Aaren found some energy to wrap her left hand around his wrist, or arm…she couldn't tell since her eyes were closed. His safe warmth seemed to seep into her bones, give her strength that would have otherwise been gone. He was okay…and she was okay…she was here to tell him not to worry any more, that she would be here for him and always. Tears stung her eyes, and her throat seemed to swell shut with emotion. It didn't matter if it hurt. It didn't matter if her wound ached and screamed at her. All that matter was that Cullen was here, and she was still alive.

“Thank the Maker…” Aaren heard him whisper softly. He held her with such care when she was sure he wanted nothing more than to hug her to him. If only she had more strength, maybe she could have given him some small comfort.

“I’m here…Cullen…I’m not dead,” Aaren managed to whisper back. There were no other words. How could they properly express their gratitude, relief, and happiness? Aaren might have thought her grip was firm, but in reality it was weak against his wrist. How could she show that she would not fall away from him? 

“I…you died…in my arms…I thought…for sure…” Cullen tried to speak but could not find the right words to start the sentence. The sensation of her body going limp, the pain on Aaren’s face, they plagued his thoughts. His dreams. Aaren swallowed hard. She could only imagine that feeling. That future she saw before…she’d witnessed Maeve going limp, dying in front of her…but it must have been so much worse to feel that life, the life of someone you loved, disappear forever. Despite the pain in her right shoulder, she moved it, gritted her teeth and used so much concentration just to find a way to comfort Cullen. 

“I’m still alive…” she whispered. “I’m here…Cullen…I’m not going anywhere.”

Words were cheap. Her actions were weak, even as she held him to her. Everything she was, everything she had she wanted to dedicate to proving her health. Weak and exhausted though she was, she wanted to give that much to him. Cullen deserved no less. 

“And here I was…coming to give you support,” Cullen whispered. “You are the most amazing person…”

Aaren felt his forehead lift from hers. Cullen looked at her with such a caring and endearing gaze. He looked tired, more so than he usually did, but he had that relieved smile on his face. With her left hand, she moved it from his wrist and gripped his hand as best she could. 

“I’m used to being a pillar of strength,” Aaren murmured. That was her attempt at humour. Even while she lay there, weak and in pain, she found time to joke. To make him smile more. Cullen shifted so he was sitting right at her side on the bed. He did not let go of her hand, only moving so that she might be more comfortable.

“I don’t think my heart could handle one more death scare like this…” he admitted with a small glance downward.

“There was another?” Aaren asked softly. There was. He just didn't realize how terrified he was at the time. 

“When you didn’t return with the Inquisitor after that attack on Haven,” Cullen replied softly. Aaren had a light look of surprise. Perhaps they had feelings for one another even before Dorian and Maeve brought them to light

“Maybe if you’d stay out of danger,” Aaren murmured softly.

“Perhaps if you didn’t go looking for it,” Cullen said with a mix of worry and humor. They both smiled at each other. This was ridiculous. He came here to offer strength and comfort and it ends up being turned around on him. Aaren truly was an amazing woman. And then Masamune interrupted his thoughts when he placed a small stuffed toy on the bed beside him.

“Where?” Aaren asked with a little confusion. Cullen chuckled a bit. It made Aaren’s heart lighter, nearly flutter. 

“It was a gift for you. Maeve said that it was customary to give gifts to people in recovery,” Cullen explained. He took the toy and held it up for Aaren to see.

“Maeve mentioned you have a love for stuffed toys…so I thought…perhaps…” Cullen tried to explain such an embarrassing thing to do. Aaren merely smiled and reached out with her bad arm. It was soft to the touch. Not nearly as manufactured as the stuffed toys in her world, but still just as soft. If anything, perhaps the creator wanted to make it feel exactly like a real horse. That’s what it was. A little Fereldan Horse. With cute stubby legs, and a round head. It was very childish, but also something that Aaren completely fell in love with. 

“It’s so cute…” Aaren murmured softly. Cullen could see his choice, with Maeve’s guidance, was a great one. He watched as Aaren took the toy from him and nearly drop it on her. The struggle she had just to bring it closer for her to look at was evident. He should have protected her more, made sure that there were no traps…there were so many things that he could have done to have prevented this.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Aaren reminded. There was soft squeeze from the hand he held. His heart ached more. He was guilty. He was happy. He was worried, and he was relieved. What is it that he should do in this confusing mess of emotions?

“I just…I can’t let you do that again,” he admitted softly. “I can’t...watch you die again…”

“I’m not going to die,” Aaren repeated with an attempt to be firm. But there was no change in his face. In fact, he looked away, a painful expression of fear and doubt. Aaren had to gather all of her determination, her strength that she had. With the utmost concentration, she moved her arms so that she might sit up. The pain shot through her torso, enough to wind her. But Aaren would not give up. Cullen then noticed what she was trying to do. Already she had lifted herself up from the bed. If her arms gave out then she would fall painfully. 

“What are you doing?!” Cullen exclaimed. He caught her to support her. An arm around her back. Aaren struggled to breathe, each inhale was short. But the determination on her face and concentration seemed to push all of that pain she must have felt away. Cullen slowly started to lay her back down but Aaren shook her head.

“You want to sit up?” Cullen asked. There was a slow nod. By all rights, he should ignore her, place her back down and scold her for pushing herself too far. But then Aaren would only fight him, would show that she was not as weak as she seemed. Against his better judgement, he helped her sit up. It was a slow process. Aaren would grit her teeth against the pain, her hands gripped against Cullen’s armour. But now Aaren could do the one thing wanted to do. Slowly, her arms wrapped around him in a very weak embrace, and the surprise of it all shocked Cullen to his core.

“I am still…alive…” she murmured through the pain of it all. “I’m still here…”

Though he doubted, though he was guilt ridden, and though Aaren was in critical condition, she would sacrifice herself in order to comfort him and take his doubt away. No one, no one in the entire world had ever done that for him. 

“You…” Cullen could not find words.

“I fought…because…I wanted to…protect…” Aaren continued. If she didn't get these words out, there was a possibility they wouldn't get out for a long time. Already there was the creeping feeling of unconsciousness in the back of her mind. Her body was already so exhausted from the bit of movement she made. Curse this healing process and how slow it was. 

“You don’t have to …” Cullen said. It was hard to watch her do this, but also he could already feel his own guilt and worry starting to lift. If she had this much energy, determination and courage, then there was no room to worry about her recovery. She’d be back on her feet, disobeying his every order as she always did.

“I do…I have to say this…” Aaren murmured softly. “I did…what I did…because I love you…”

What? What were those words that just came out of Aaren’s mouth? Did Cullen hear her right? There was no way that Aaren just said something like that to him. First, she was the shiest person when it came to matters of the heart and romantic relationships, and second, she was still recovering. Perhaps she was delirious. Perhaps she was out of her mind because she was so exhausted and in pain. 

Cullen looked at her, confused. He wanted this to be real, wanted those words to be completely real. Aaren blinked through a little more of the pain and then found his eyes. There was nothing there to suggest that she was out of her mind, that she was delirious. There was a soft smile on her face, through the pain she felt. Those were real words. And they meant exactly what they were supposed to mean.

“Maker’s Breath, Aaren…” Cullen breathed. His arms tightened around her. He wanted to kiss her, hug her, celebrate in any way possible. Aaren gave a soft giggle, weak. It surprised her too. But those words were something that she really wanted to say for a long time. She’d just denied herself, out of fear that he didn't love her back. But judging on the way he held her in that moment, the strength and care he had for her, that goofy little smile…Aaren could guess in confidence that he felt the same for her.

“I love you so much,” Cullen replied. “No one that I have met has torn my heart like this…made me this happy.”

_Good_ Aaren thought. Cullen moved away just enough to look down at Aaren’s tired face. She was in his heart in a way no one else could possibly be. There was no other way to describe this sensation, this desire to be in the presence of one another. The terrible guilt and sorrow he went through just days before this…he truly and indeed loved her. With great care, Cullen slowly gave her a small kiss on the lips. This was truly the happiest moment in his life. For Aaren, it was the single greatest moment of hers.


	28. Shopping Shopping Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Haruko, now Aaren, finally on the road to recovery; Maeve can return to her usual job, and usual life. Though worry still is at the fore of her mind for her best friend, she cannot help but take this small opportunity to spend a little time with Blackwall.

Life definitely improved for the better now that Aaren was recovering. Her healing process was faster than normal, combined with a few healing sessions and potions, Aaren was on the full road to good health. Because of that, she was now sitting up on her own, waking up on a regular schedule, and eating all on her own. But that also meant that Maeve would have to go out and do her job as she would usually do. Which meant that Aaren was going to be left alone for a week or so at a time. Today, however, was not one of those days.

Maeve still had a few more days before Leliana would send her back to work. No doubt the Inquisitor had a hand in that. It was probably out of guilt for not being able to accompany Aaren and protect her from being hurt in this way. Maeve, however scary it was, knew that Aaren might end up like some of the soldiers she had seen come through here. There was no guarantee that she would walk away from any battle, charging in there as she usually did. Which was scary at times, especially in the heat of the Templar Mage conflict. Even now, she faced the Red Templars and the lackies that Corypheus would send their way. It was trading one danger for another. Hopefully, Aaren would not repeat this stunt again. 

“Hey Aaren,” Maeve said as she walked into the infirmary. It looked like Aaren was in the middle of a conversation with Dorian. The two had been talking a lot together as of late. Most of it was because of Aaren’s research into how to help Templars or anyone else that had excessive use of Lyrium to safely wean themselves off of the substance. Currently, Aaren and Cullen seemed to be the only people who actively sought out a solution to a problem many ex-Templars faced. Aaren, now sitting in her bed against a stack of pillows, looked over at Maeve and gave a light wave with her left hand. Her right shoulder was still recovering, and hung lamely at her side. Sometimes it would be in a sling, but those were days when she tried to move it. Dorian looked over his shoulder and flashed a charming smile at her. Maeve couldn’t help but smile back as she approached them.

“So this is where you disappeared to,” Maeve said to the mage.

“I happen to enjoy the in-depth conversations with our death defying warrior here,” he said. “Since our last adventure, she has not continued her research.”

“The Lyrium research?” Maeve asked. Aaren gave a small nod.

“Some of the herbal remedies we have tried do work,” Aaren explained. And by “we” she meant her and Cullen. No one else was willing to try this crazy stunt. In part, it was thanks to the Chantry and the fear that they would lose their leash on their Templars.

“But I fear that they are just like normal medicine…and Cullen might develop a tolerance from it over time,” Aaren then voiced her worries.

“There is also the fact that your remedies are not necessarily fast acting,” Dorian added. Aaren sighed heavily. There were papers strung about her bed. Books with more papers sticking out from them were stacked on her night stand. Clearly, she has taken her recover to the next level despite what the healers have objected to.

“I’m sure that Cullen would tell you when your recommended treatments aren’t working,” Maeve said with confidence. It did not, however, make Aaren’s worried frown disappear.

“There are times I think Cullen is just telling me things that I want to hear rather than the truth,” Aaren explained seriously. Now that was a shock. Aaren didn’t trust Cullen? Then again, the commander was far too nice when it came to matters about Aaren. 

“And I would have to agree with Maeve. Our beloved commander takes his job far too seriously. He wouldn't jeopardize his position just so that you would not have to worry about him,” Dorian said simply. Aaren still frowned. What was she so worried about?

“But you want to maximize and improve upon what you already have,” Dorian continued. “We were discussing in what way we could do that.”

“You’re in on this too?” Maeve asked Dorian. It wasn't that big of a surprise. Aaren had made a second home in the library, even had her own table that no one ever sat at because that is where she did most of her research. They’d discussed in passing possible books that they could get their hands on, or maybe trade ideas when Aaren couldn't think of any herself. Sadly, the poor woman always got her ideas by bouncing them off of other people then coming up with the solution.

“I find it interesting that a warrior, who is so passionate on the field of battle, can be as equally as passionate in the pursuit of knowledge,” Dorian said with a grin on his face. Aaren’s frown cracked and flipped into a half chuckle.

“I happen to enjoy reading for fun too, not just for research,” Aaren said.

“Hardly a difference,” Dorian joked. “Just look at all these papers. I think you have been picking up bad habits from the Commander.”

“I highly doubt she learned this habit from me,” Cullen said behind them. Maeve jumped a little. She’d been so focused in on the conversation before her that she did not even hear the commander walk in. She turned to see that he had lunch enough for two people. Currently there were two extra people present.

“Oh for me? You shouldn't have,” Maeve teased. She playfully reached for a piece of bread and Cullen held the tray out beyond Maeve’s reach. Aaren tried to clean up her papers, but with one arm quite useless to her at the moment, it was very difficult. Dorian helped out and carefully set the loose papers on the stack of books. 

“You should have told me you were expecting visitors. I would have brought more food,” Cullen said as he walked to her side. Masamune carefully got out of his way and found a different spot to lay down. His second favorite spot was at the foot of the bed so that he might intimidate new visitors.

“I didn’t intend for this conversation to take so long,” Aaren replied. She might have smiled but she looked weary and tired. 

“Well now, we wouldn't want to ruin a planned dinner date,” Dorian said dramatically. Aaren half chuckled. Maeve followed Dorian out of the infirmary to give those two some space. No need to intrude on two lovebirds.

“Is it just me, or are they more comfortable with each other?” Dorian asked Maeve once they were a few steps away from the infirmary.

“You mean more so than before?” Maeve countered with a question.

“I think you know exactly what I mean,” Dorian said. Maeve grinned and gave a light giggle.

“Aaren has definitely become more comfortable,” Maeve said with a nod. Ever since that night she woke up and Cullen was there to comfort her, Aaren has been far less embarrassed to be in a relationship. Most of the teasing she’d done in the past now did not seem to phase Aaren…or it was quite possible that Aaren had become numb to such teasing. Either way, both of them seemed extraordinarily at ease with each other.

“Speaking of which, you’ve been doing better yourself,” Dorian added.

“Have you been stalking me again?” Maeve complained. Dorian gave her a dry look.

“Far from, the gossip that runs around Skyhold is far more ramped. Seems you have had your way with your big burly woodsman,” Dorian said. That was enough to plaster a silly grin on Maeve’s face. Yeah. She definitely had her way with him, and then some. As to how that talk got around, Maeve will never know. She was sure that their door was closed, but what she wasn't sure was if there was anyone who would walk by the door. They weren’t exactly the quietest of lovers. Someone could have easily walked by and definitely figure out what was going one. Thus, the story then would spread.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Maeve said.

“Quite opposite in fact. I was going to compliment you on your success. I’m told he isn’t exactly the easiest man to convince,” Dorian then said. Maeve didn't know whether to argue or to laugh. Sure, Maeve did sleep with the Iron Bull and Sera on occasion, but this…this with Blackwall was far different. She didn't know how to explain it exactly, it just felt…far more than she could ever put into words.

“Speaking of,” Maeve said with a thoughtful look. “I was supposed to meet Blackwall. If Aaren asks, it’s your job to tell her.”

“You couldn’t have told her when you came to visit her?” Dorian asked with an eyebrow raised.

“I was about to, and then you two started to talk…and then I forgot,” Maeve explained. She giggled at the slightly surprised mage. Honestly what could he do with her? She was a friend, and there were few people he could call that in Skyhold. Dorian then turned and walked up the tall steps into Skyhold, to return to the familiar smell of books and research. Maeve called up at him with a “See you later” before she nearly skipped down the hill to the front gates of Skyhold.

There, she saw Blackwall. He was already seated on top of a deep brown horse and beside him stood the familiar horse Maeve always rode with Aaren. Rose was the best mount that Maeve had ever ridden, and the calmest. No matter if there were screaming children running around or the sound of war in the distance, Rose always stood still and waited. A perfect horse for a skittish and easily spooked Maeve.

“I was beginning to wonder if you would ever show up,” he said with a small chuckle. Maeve scowled up at him and took the reins that he offered.

“I got caught up with stuff,” Maeve said with a light huff. She then mounted Rose. The horse glanced back at her, or perhaps just to glance at the passing patrons who desired to shop in the newly built merchant section of Skyhold. There was a new merchant that came to sell their exotic wares. None of their things to sell were of interest to Maeve. Mostly weapons and armour and perhaps a few repair tools. 

“Visiting Aaren again I take it?” Blackwall asked. His horse walked forward. The dark brown hooves plotted heavily on the ground before. At least it sounded like it, the horse itself was a large bred, intimidating. Aaren had explained the different types of horses that Skyhold had, but Maeve couldn't remember this particular one. The only thing she remember was that it was definitely built for war. And that type of horse seemed to fit Blackwall perfectly.

“Maaaaaaybe,” Maeve replied playfully. Rose easily kept up with Blackwall’s taller horse. 

“You always visit her before leaving on a mission or work…or leaving Skyhold at all,” Blackwall pointed out. Maeve had not left Aaren’s side unless work required her to do so. Even so, Maeve made it a point to let Aaren know exactly where she went, and when she returned. It was out of fear that Aaren might still slip away, or probably because of what happened to Aaren. 

“I don’t always,” Maeve lied blatantly. That sort of lie would not work on Blackwall. He turned and gave her a slight scowl, and Maeve could not help but giggle. She knew that all of Skyhold was aware of her and Aaren’s ritual. They always said their farewells and always said they would return. It was a good luck charm, one that they truly believed effected the outcome of their adventures beyond the safety of Skyhold’s walls. Aaren’s recent injury was proof enough that it worked…or didn’t in this case.

The two rode out of Skyhold at a leisurely walk. There was already a road forming from all the pilgrimages and merchants that wished to travel to this new and important place. For Rose and Blackwall’s mounts, they could easily follow the slight trail that lead them out of the mountains. Maeve only knew they were going to go out, but to where, she was not sure.

“So where are we going?” Maeve asked. Blackwall shifted in his saddle to make himself more comfortable. All the while he looked thoughtful.

“I thought we would go to Redcliffe and look at the various shops…” Blackwall explained. Truthfully, he wanted to get her a gift, but didn't know what kind of gift Maeve would have wanted. Anyone that he spoke too didn't necessarily have a clue either. The Iron Bull had some…less than appropriate suggestions and Sera’s advice was not any better. When Aaren had finally gained enough strength to stay awake long enough for a decent conversation, Blackwall asked her. Haruko…Aaren now, didn’t know what they could get for her here. There was a book that Maeve particularly enjoyed, but that book did not exist here in Thedas. Aaren then said that Maeve enjoyed shopping, and that would be the perfect opportunity to figure out what Maeve liked. Let Maeve pick, and pay attention to what she thought was interesting. What was the word? Cool? They had some strange words to describe things.

“Shopping?” Maeve said with some excitement. She practically bounced in the saddle. Poor Rose, she didn't need that on her back. But Maeve could not help herself. She had not shopped for herself since they came to Thedas. Sure, she had bought a few things, some clothes, but nothing just because she wanted it. And since they had help stop the Mage Templar War, Redcliffe had calmed down and allowed the merchants to return. This would also be a perfect opportunity to spend some more quality time with Blackwall. Oh, this was going to be the best trip out of Skyhold!

~

Redcliffe was just a week’s worth of riding from Skyhold. The worst part was getting through the mountains. All the rocks and windy paths made it difficult for their horses to ride through at a normal pace. However, once they were on flat lands, they could ride however they wished. Occasionally they would indulge themselves in a friendly race, but it was Blackwall that usually would remind Maeve of the dangers. There were still Red Templars crawling about, and Corypheus could come out of nowhere. Maeve wished that he would let it go just for a little while, but at the same time understood that they needed to be careful. Perhaps it was her excitement to finally shop that let her guard down.

The Gates of Redcliffe were still in disarray. The rift in front of it definitely did a number on it, but it did not stop the iron gates from working. The people inside were recovering from the war. Alexius sure left the place with a gloomy sort of atmosphere. It didn’t help that he banished people away from the city while the Arl was away. But it seemed that they were slowly returning to this place, and making necessary repairs.

“They seem to be recovering well,” Blackwall commented quietly. He looked pleased, hopeful even.

“Well, that’s what the Inquisition is for right?” Maeve replied. “To get rid of the chaos that makes people’s lives more difficult.”

Blackwall gave a nod in agreement. Yes, the Inquisition was there to protect people and save them from would-be attackers. They healed the hole in the sky, and quelled the Mage Templar war. Now they fought to save the entire world from a darkspawn magister that was willing to destroy it just to get into the Black City. The two walked their horses over to a rest spot and dismounted. They then tied the reins to the post so they would not run away.

“So, do I have a limit or?” Maeve asked Blackwall. He chuckled at her, as she practically looked up at him with stars in her eyes. Aaren was right, Maeve did enjoy shopping.

“Go find something or more than one something,” he replied with an amused smile under his beard. 

“Really?” Maeve asked for reassurance. Andraste’s mercy, she was like a little child. 

“Go find something,” Blackwall then said with a mocked demanding voice. He even added a small wave for her to go. Maeve could have jumped for joy, and nearly did. She half ran to the various vendors just before the main stores. Blackwall himself found the griffon statue in the middle of the plaza a bit more interesting. That’s right, the Hero of Fereldan sacrificed herself to save the entire world from the blight…and the current King was an ex-Grey Warden…They even helped save Redcliffe from the undead, sacrificing time they barely had. Blackwall gave a small sigh.

“Look at this Blackwall!!” Maeve called and put on a rather large hat with a feather in it. It was definitely too big for her, but Maeve had this huge grin on her face. That grin was infectious and Blackwall could not help but grin himself. 

“It suits you,” he said as he walked over to her. “Though, I doubt you could easily scout with the brim covering your eyes.”  
Maeve stuck her tongue out like a small child.

“But it’s pretty!” Maeve said. Even so, she had to hold up the brim just so she could look up at the man.

“I’m going to guess this was brought from Orlais?” Blackwall asked.

“You would be correct, ser,” the merchant said. She was definitely from Ferelden; the accent gave it away. 

“Did you want it, Maeve?” Blackwall asked. Maeve gave a thoughtful look. She then took the hat off and looked at it some more. It looked as though she were making the decision, attempting to weigh whatever questions were in her mind. Blackwall watched as she put the hat back and gave it a small pat.

“I might want it, but there are so many shops here, I want to look around first,” Maeve answered. Blackwall nodded in response and followed Maeve as she bounced around the other vendors. He would have to let Aaren know she was right. Maeve seemed to be happy enough to look at the various wares, the clothes and jewelry, and even holding them up to see if they would fit her smaller stature. It was odd that something like this would also make him happy. He’d travelled alone for so long, the thought of having human companionship was near foreign to him. But that didn’t seem to stop the stupidly silly grin on his face as he watched Maeve pick up another piece of Fereldan jewelry and looking at it in awe.

“What do you think about this one, Blackwall?” Maeve asked. She held up a simple necklace with a golden chain. At the bottom was an amethyst carefully wrapped in simple Ferelden knots as though to be protected. It was definitely something that would suit Maeve.

“It looks lovely,” he said as he walked up to her. “Do you like it?”

It might have been an obviously dumb question, but considering Maeve had picked up so many items to be bought only to put them down and move on to the next shop, no one could blame him for asking. Maeve looked back at it, and sure enough, put it back down.

“I mean…it’s cute and everything,” Maeve said as she continued to look at it. “But maybe it isn’t quite me.”

Blackwall watched as Maeve seemed to linger a little longer on that item. But like the rest, she walked away from it. This time, she went into one of the main stores set up in Redcliffe. Blackwall waited until Maeve disappeared through the door and then walked to the vendor. With the coin he had brought with him, the Grey Warden bought the necklace and hid it within his pocket. It would be a nice surprise for Maeve later. He then walked to the store that Maeve was in. The merchant there was helping her look at some of the other dresses and more feminine clothes within the store. 

“This one looks lovely,” Maeve commented. She pulled out a light blue dress that had a more Fereldan style. The bodice ruffled at the top, to help hug the fabric to the chest over the breasts. But it did not cover the shoulders, or at least it looked like it would not. The sleeves were long, baggy, cuffed at the ends in the same sort of ruffle like the top and cinched. The fabric looked like it might be linen, a beige coloration all the way down to the skirt of the dress. But there was a simple corset that only seemed to fit the waist. It held a light blue fabric, like an outer coating over the beige color. At the bottom, there were the familiar knots that held the hint of Fereldan style. It was a nice accent, and would definitely look good on Maeve.

“Why not try it on?” Blackwall encouraged. Maeve jumped a little at the sound of his request. The Grey Warden gave a brief smile.

“I have to agree with the man,” the merchant said. “At least then we could possibly tailor it to your size.”

“I couldn’t possibly,” Maeve said. She didn’t want to impose upon anyone and the merchant seemed to be terribly busy with other customers looking at his wares.

“Don’t be silly, this is what my job is,” the merchant insisted. Maeve nodded, as she was not going to win this argument. The merchant had her come over to a makeshift standing block and directed Maeve to a changing area. Blackwall, of course, waited patiently in the main shopping area. Maeve did he best to get into the dress as best she could. The female assistant helped when she could, just to make sure the fabric would not fall and reveal too much of her already exposed skin. It was hard to do so, considering this dress was meant for someone a bit taller than her. Quite a bit taller. The assistant helped Maeve out so that the merchant, and hidden tailor, could take a small amount of measurements.

“I think I can talk with my supplier and get a dress tailors specifically to your height,” the merchant said.

“You’re not actually a tailor?” Maeve asked as she looked down at him. The merchant gave a little bit of a grin.

“Not truly, no, but when there are plenty of women that want to have a specific dress to fit them, you tend to learn a little bit,” he explained. “Just enough so that I might keep busy, and my supplier with a job.”

Oh boy. That had to be expensive then. Maeve wasn’t exactly sure how much money Blackwall was willing to spend. There was also the argument of where she would even wear this dress if she ever bought it. Come to think of it, her job mainly allowed for easy moving clothes. Pants and shirts rather than a cumbersome dress. 

“How long would that take exactly?” Blackwall asked and interrupted Maeve’s thoughts.

“Ah…hmm…” the merchant said as he looked up to the ceiling in thought. “It might take maybe a month. Even with the war calmed down, I can’t guarantee anything. The Inquisition has done well to keep the roads clear and safe for travelers. Then there is if the tailor is busy or not. I’d know more after I get a reply from her.”

That sounded about right. Blackwall was certain that the roads were clear considering the Inquisitor really concentrated on making sure Skyhold was able to get supplies for its ever growing army and to feed the pilgrims that never seemed to stop arriving. But if Maeve, who looked absolutely stunning in that dress, wanted to wear something like this, Blackwall was willing to pay for it.

“If it is too much trouble, don’t worry too much about it,” Maeve said. “I know that I am rather short for a normal human anyway.”

“It’s no trouble, it’s business as usual,” the merchant said as he stood up. “I’ll send a letter when the next shipment comes through. As soon as I get a reply, you’ll be the first to know.”

Maeve looked to Blackwall as though she were asking permission. Blackwall merely gave a sigh and a halfhearted smile.

“Maeve if you like it, get it,” he said. “You’re supposed to buy things on a shopping trip, or is this something you do in your world?”

Maeve had to admit, Blackwall definitely wanted to treat her. For a very long time, Maeve had always been careful with what she purchased and always looked for the best deals, and getting the most product for the least amount of money. She wasn’t necessarily in a position, at that time, to throw her money to anything her heart desired. But here, she had not bought much for herself, not for something she wanted. She bought things she needed. Repair kits, arrows, armour, things that she could use on her missions mostly. There were occasions she bought things to decorate her room, but little opportunity to do so.

“Don’t worry about the money up front, once I figure out exactly how long it would take and how much the cloth will be, then we can talk about money,” the merchant said.

“Thank you so much, even though you are so busy,” Maeve said politely as she always did to people in this sort of service. The merchant gave a proud grin.

“I’m a firm believer of making my customers happy,” he said proudly. Maeve couldn’t help but smile at that. Things here were certainly different than in her world. Most of the time, if there was any minor inconvenience there would be some sort of complaint. Granted, this place was only one store, but there were so many other shops that seemed to treat her the same way. The smith always double checked his work and asked for her opinion on the metal joints on bits of armour he made. Bonny Sim was always polite and gave suggestions whenever Maeve needed some extra materials for repairs to armour or weapons. Sometimes the traveling merchants that wanted a chance to sell their various wares to Skyhold would offer deals and give the same sort of polite suggestions as Bonny Sim…in her world, people like that were very rare, or at least seemed to be.

Maeve took her time getting out of the dress and redressing in her usual armour. It nearly felt strange to put it back on, as that dress made her feel strangely beautiful. Maybe it was the look that Blackwall gave her when she stood there as the merchant made notes and crude measurements. His smile at her when she turned to him for help in her decision to get the dress or not. It was…it made her feel more beautiful in that moment, attractive even. Maeve wanted to see that smile more. That want was easily plastered on her own face with a smile of delight and enjoyment. She still had it on her face, even as she walked out.

“Enjoying yourself?” Blackwall asked as he watched Maeve nearly bounce over to him.

“Yeah, it was fun to try that dress on,” she replied. Her hand found its way into his hand and they walked out of the store. They enjoyed a walk to the tavern for a quick bite to eat. They talked about various things, gossip roaming around Skyhold, the progress of the Inquisition, Maeve even started to make rather suggestive jokes only to find that Blackwall would throw them right back at her. The laughter, the enjoyment, the simplicity of just sitting there and enjoying one another was more than Maeve could ask for. More than what Blackwall could ask for. But this time was short. They had a war against an ancient Tevinter Magister that would see to the world’s destruction in order to bring about some mad desire. Even as they left the tavern, hand in hand, the heavy feeling of inevitability grew in their hearts. Maeve gave a small sigh, and Blackwall stopped walking as soon as they got to the horses.

“Is something wrong?” Maeve asked. Blackwall rummaged through his pockets and pulled out the same necklace that Maeve looked at before. She gave a soft gasp as he walked forward and placed it around her neck.

“This is for you,” Blackwall said softly in her ear.

“It’s lovely, Blackwall, thank you!” Maeve said as she was unable to say much of anything else. It was a beautiful necklace. Maeve looked down at it with a mix of awe and gratitude. This man was definitely the man that would treat her right. Maeve looked up at him and stood up on her tip toes so she could give him a kiss.

“I love it,” she murmured. Blackwall gave a grin back at her. He then helped her mount up on Rose and turned to his own mount. Their return to Skyhold would take about the same amount of time as they used to get here, but they left Redcliffe with a little more happiness in their hearts. Maeve could not explain in proper words how great it felt to have someone treat her like this. Blackwall might have treated her like a proper lady, but he also respected her strength in her job and on missions. A perfect balance of chivalry that seemed to be long gone from her world. She couldn’t help but continue to smile, even as Blackwall seemed to slow down.  
He was lost in his own thoughts. Maeve was a few horse lengths in front of him by the time she realized that they were not riding together. Maeve pulled back on the reins so that Rose would come to a complete stop. 

“Is something wrong?” Maeve asked gently. Blackwall glanced over at her and sighed heavily. Maeve didn’t need her training to see that something was eating at Blackwall. They had had a lovely time together, shopping and talking with one another, and now he looked pained. What was in his mind that he would not say out loud?

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Blackwall said. “I’m just thinking too much is all.”

He nudged the dapple grey’s sides and the horse walked forward to Maeve’s side. Maeve looked worried, she always did when he started to think about things. But right now, he didn’t want to ruin it, did not want to take away from what they experienced together. But soon, at some point, she needed to know.

“Once I figure it out I will definitely tell you,” Blackwall said with a small nod. What did that mean? What was it that he needed to “figure out”? Maeve was certain that she could help him with whatever it was that made him frown. However, she definitely understood the desire to keep things private. She had a few of those things. That did not mean she did not worry about Blackwall…for now, she would have to trust him, and be at his side when he needed her the most.


	29. The Dark Call to Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaren might be on the road to healing, but there are interesting dreams, and tests of patience as she waits for her wounds to truly heal.

For more than a month, Aaren was bed ridden. She shouldn’t be all that surprised, playing chicken with Death as the targeted doorbell was never a wise decision. Sadly, though, Aaren was human and had selfish desires to step outside the boundaries of her bed. It even seemed to be a taunt to have her bedside right next to the window. Day in and day out she would stare out it and watch as the world around her moved about, went on about their routines, and think about her being confined to this one small space.

Recently she had gained the strength enough to sit on her own. Granted, Aaren was still in huge amount of pain every time, but she was still able to move on her own. With that little break through, Aaren started to test her boundaries. Whenever she was done with a book, or a chapter, she’d test her own strength with standing. Just standing. The Healers, who were not a part of the Wolf Warriors, would always complain, or scold her for pushing herself far too quickly. In truth, Aaren was well aware of her own limitations. Standing for any period of time was strenuous, something she never thought would be. But Aaren could not remain in her bed forever. Her strength had to return at some time, letting her body waste away in an infirmary bed would benefit no one.

Currently she was reading The Tale of the Champion. It was written by none other than Varric himself. A detailed account of what happened with the famed Garret Hawke and how Kirkwall started the entire Mage Rebellion. The most notable character was one named Guinnevere Callagahan. She seemed to be a decent character, a samurai as it were. That was a thing from her world. An ancient warrior from a country in which she studied the language for nearly four years, even visited. The very thought that there would be someone here, with a title she was well aware of, it gave Aaren a slight twinge of hope that maybe they could return to their world. But alas, the creeping feelings of wanting to walk, the itch of needing to stand; they nagged at the back of her mind. Aaren sighed again as she placed down the book of that Varric had written about the Champion of Kirkwall. Her eyes closed once again and relaxed into a small nap.

~

_Aaren._ A voice whispered through the darkness. Aaren did little, reacted little. If anything she rolled over in her sleep and ignored it. 

Aaren…the voice whispered again. This time, it felt as though there were lips against her ear, and the breath of a person faintly brushed over the shell of her ear. Aaren’s eyes snapped open and she looked around. There was no one there. In fact, there wasn’t even the bed that she usually rested in. Instead, she was on the cold hard ground. Aaren frowned as she slowly and gingerly got to her hands and knees.

_Aaren…_ the voice called again. This time it sounded distant. The woman knelt there, unable to pinpoint the soft whisper of a call. Her surroundings were dark, save for the one spot that she knelt in. Beneath her legs was the cold press of stone. Again, Aaren frowned. Where exactly was she? She must have been dreaming. Her hand slowly touched her ear and a shiver ran down her spine. That sensation of someone talking to her…leaning over her…it was not something that she would dream about. Then again, dreams were considered the only way the mind could subconsciously deal with stress or work out problems.

_Aaren_ the voice sounded firmer, yet it was still thin, wispy. Aaren slowly stood. The whoosh of a torch made her jump and then grimace with pain. Even within her dreams she was still pained by her wounds. The light from the fire illuminated just enough for her to walk forward. Her guess was correct when she saw the familiar seams of stacked stone. The echoing pad of her feet was the only sound she had. Occasionally, another torch would roar to life and light the way. This corridor seemed never ending, eerie and ominous. Caution as well and doubt began to creep in and her feet slowed down to a stop. 

Before her, Aaren could see the dancing flames of the next torch she would have walked to.

_Something is not right_ Aaren thought to herself. The flames danced curiously then they started to crawl across the stone. Aaren watched in horror as it traveled over the stone, then flashed to grotesque figures. The stone itself turned into glass, revealing monsters she had not yet seen. Horrible monsters. Some of them looked like they had shields for heads, pressing deformed hands on the glass and waving tentacles from underneath the rounded shields. There were others that were skeletons, with armour that barely covered the bones. The armour looked like it was well passed its useful days, rusted in some places or hanging off at odd angles where flesh would have allowed for it to set correctly. Following some of these warriors were skeletal hounds whose eyes had a very ominous and deathly glow of read within its sockets. Aaren even jumped back from the wall she as closest too when one of them snarled and charged her. It whimpered when it hit the invisible wall of glass but it continued to snarl and claw with renewed interest.

“What the hell?!” Aaren managed to exclaim.

_Seek me out…Aaren…_ it said softly, as though it were right behind her. Aaren turned and saw no one. Fear hammered just as loud as her heart pounded in her chest. This was no simple dream. This couldn’t be just as simple as that. 

I am that which evil fears, that which glows faint in the deepest darkness. This is where you will find me.

Aaren then felt a hand on her shoulder and she whipped around with a punch. It might have been with her bad arm, but at least it would make her feel better. Her hand merely flew through the air and she noticed that the frightening images of unknown monsters. Instead it was Cole, who looked just as worried and troubled. Aaren could feel the sting of her wounds as she panted and stood there.

“Aaren what are you doing here?” the spirit boy asked. His head cocked to one side as though to act curious. Though that might have just a habit to look more human. Aaren looked around, to confirm that there were no more monsters, then she rested her eyes on Cole.

“I…I am not sure,” Aaren said. “What…is this place?…I thought that I was in the infirmary.”

“Your dreams,” Cole answered. “I heard you call out…shouting more than before…I worried you were in trouble.”

Aaren looked to Cole.

“You should wake up,” Cole said simply.

~

Slowly, Aaren opened her eyes to see the familiar ceiling. There was the faint smell of herbs and potions that wafted faintly in the air. Aaren’s heart pounding loudly in her ears, and felt it desperate to free itself from her chest. Perhaps that dream was far more terrifying than Aaren originally thought. She flinched when she felt something cold and yet soothing on her forehead. It seemed to brush at her face, wiping sweat that she was unaware of.

“What…what was that?” Aaren whispered as she tried to slow her heart and calm her fear.

“…something was calling to you…I…I don’t know what it was…usually demons are loud, and full of evil but this was not. This was calm and collected…” Cole said. “Patiently waiting, watching, guarding, an air of duty. A long time since one has shown any worth. I must call to her…”

“Thank you Cole…” Aaren said softly. Her hand touched his arm so that he would stop talking and moving that cold cloth over her face.

“It was just a dream…a weird one, but a dream,” she said. There was no need to get him so worked up on her account.

~  
Days passed by since that night. There were no more strange dreams but it still left Aaren in a state of wonder. It felt entirely real. As though she, her spirit, was sent from her body to a different place all together. And those creepy monsters…Aaren asked for several creature text books with detailing accounts or drawings to look for those things in that dream. So far, her searching was fruitless. Currently she stood at the window and gazed out at the world outside the confines of the walls around her. The rain softly fell from the sky and echoed off of the stone. It was a soothing little hush, peaceful even, but it did little to help calm her mind.

If only she could pace while she thought. To do something with her hands while her mind raced and whirled with so many questions and worries. But the healers would not hear of it. Even Robin gave a frown of disapproval when Aaren decided to move around. However, Robin also helped with her healing, and allowed for just a small push past the normal limitations any other healer would have placed upon her. 

“Aaren, you keep looking out of that window and the rain might come in here,” Robin joked as she brought over a fresh hot cup of tea. Aaren broke her stare and looked over at the woman. Robin had reddish hair and usually wore it in a side braid down and over one shoulder. A few stray curls unruly stuck out in places, but it added to her charm. Her greenish eyes were kind and caring, with just a hint of laughter.

“Good, then maybe I can finally get a decent shower for once,” Aaren replied sarcastically. Robin gave a chuckle and then offered the hot cup of tea. Aaren took it and merely held it in her hands. 

“You’re healing, and that’s the good thing,” Robin said. Aaren gave a more frustrated sigh and leaned heavily on the window frame.

“That may be true, but I cannot heal just by lying in bed all day,” Aaren said with the same frustration.

“Give it a little more time,” Robin said confidently. “You’re close to healing enough to go outside. Well, enough without having to worry about you seriously tearing something.”

Aaren looked at Robin dryly. Even then the healers would make sure to sit her down or pull her to the sidelines. They were well aware that Aaren was ready to go above and beyond what was expected of her, especially out on the battlefield. But that was a pessimistic way of thinking. Masamune nudged at her feet a little bit before her plopped right done in front of her. The wolf never left her side, well, only when Ian or someone else came to take him on a walk.

“Just a little more time, Captain,” Robin said with a gentle pat on Aaren’s shoulder. There were the soft foot falls of Robin walking away. The wood creaked beneath her feet and Aaren turned to watch the healer go about her other duties, or tend to the others within the infirmary.

_If only…if only they could understand._ Aaren thought. It felt as though she was bound to this place and only this place. A prisoner without the title or a crime. A terrible feeling. But such was the result of fighting against death. Perhaps it would be better to be thankful for her life instead of groan and complain about trivial things.

“Well, Masamune,” Aaren said to the wolf. He lifted his head up from the ground and started to wag his tail. Aaren could not help but smile down at the wolf. She then jerked her head to the bed and he jumped up to his feet. In recent days, Aaren allowed Masamune to cuddle with her when they went to bed. Tonight would be no different. It took Aaren just a few steps before she sat in her usual bed. Masamune waited patiently for his pack leader to lay down properly before he jumped up on the bed. Of course the big wolf would try to throw himself on top of her but Aaren was not quite ready for that. It took several encouraging commands then a stern “no” for Masamune to finally lay down beside her instead of on top of her. Silly little wolf. The two of them lay like that, fur brushed back and a soothing atmosphere washed over them. It was only afterwards that sleep settled in nicely.

~

_Aaren…_ the same whispery voice echoed in the room. This time, Aaren wasted little time on ignoring it. She opened her eyes immediately to try and track down the source of the call. Again, she was on a cold stone floor, but the torches that were lit in the last dream were still lit. Aaren frowned as she slowly stood up. If this was another reoccurring dream, would she not just repeat what happened before? The lights would have been out…right?

“Alright…what the hell is going on here?” Aaren muttered to herself. There was no answer, and why would there be. This was a figment of her imagination, perhaps something from her previous battles, something twisted beyond that and made to frighten her. But those thoughts only seemed to bring about a soft chuckle. But it wasn’t like she heard it. Aaren _felt_ it. There was no distinct noise but…it was the like the sensation of seeing someone enjoy themselves, or find something to their amusement. But the weird thing…the one thing that gave Aaren a sinking, twisting feeling of fear, was that there was no sound to the feeling. It was merely understood.

“What the hell is going on here?” Aaren repeated. Now she was on edge. Even as she stepped further and further down the corridor. The same torches were a light, casting illumination over the smooth stone. It even revealed cracks and age. Things that were not there before. Aaren was careful, a hand on the wall as she walked slowly down the corridor. She had passed the last one she had stopped at and had no intention of stopping. There was no call, no whisper of her name as she continued to walk. The only thing that seemed to grow was the pain in her side.

_How long is this hallway?_ Aaren thought. She had stopped. Her breath coming in short gasps. It seemed that this dream world…or other ghostly world took into account her wounds.

_This way…Aaren_ the same voice whispered.

“What the hell are you? Where is here?!” Aaren shouted. There was no response. Yet, there was the echo of her shout and the sense of silence that followed it. Aaren swallowed hard, felt the small drip of sweat the fell around the frame of her face. There were too many questions that floated around this dream, if she could call it that. She was far too aware of what was going on around her. If anything, something should have been out of the ordinary, something that in the real world would never happen. But so far, there was no sign…not yet.

_Skrrf. Skrrf. Skrrf_

There was an ominous sound of…of…shuffling? Something dragging? Aaren couldn’t quite tell, not when it echoed off the walls around her. 

_Klck, klck, klnck, klnck._

Clinking? Klanking? What was Aaren hearing? If she had to hazard a guess, it sounded like it came from behind her. The shuffling continued but it was nearly drowned by the clatter of…

“Oh my God,” Aaren whispered to herself. Her head had turned to look behind her and all she saw were skeletal figures of lost soldiers. Some had armour, others were just holding weapons. Their eye sockets held a red glow, but they were directed in her direction. Behind that, a tall figure wrapped in cloth and dragging behind it a huge sword. Nothing within its face, nothing to discern where it looked, but intimidating and terrifying nonetheless. Fear nearly froze her entire body, but that was just it; partly. Her legs fought for control and Aaren ended up stumbling all the way down to the ground. She had to get away. There was a distinct hiss and then a shriek. 

Aaren made herself turn away from the frightful creatures and scrambled to her feet. Her wounds felt as though they were torn, or perhaps a fresh stab. It tore at her lungs, her shoulder, and caused it slowed her down significantly. The pain felt like knives stabbing her in the chest, over and over again as she gasped for air that would not fill her lungs. She shut her eyes against the pain.

Then there was something wet against her cheek. It lapped in a rhythmic lick over and over and over again. Aaren scrunched her eyebrows in confusion and then opened her eyes. There, looking back at her and bathing her in wolf slobber, was Masamune. He continued to lick her face, and gave a small whine. Aaren blinked, her breath came in short and pained. It took a while for her to realize that she was no longer in the dream world, but in the real world with Masamune. 

“I’m awake…I’m awake…” Aaren murmured to Masamune. Her fingers ran through the fur on the back of his neck. The wolf itself didn’t seem to believe her and continued to nudge her and make sure that she was fully awake. Aaren just let him do whatever he wanted. It was comforting to feel his fur between her fingers, even the nudges from Masamune’s cold nose and the slight whimpers he gave were oddly comforting. Perhaps it was a way to determine that this place was real, that this place was not in her head, that she wasn’t going insane.

~

A few more days and now Aaren was able to walk outside for short periods. Masamune could not help but be the one most excited about this. Aaren was sure that he wanted nothing more than to run around, as was his nature, and he had enough energy to bound around Skyhold for the both of them. Aaren, on the other hand, was content to sit out and lazy in the sun…or that was the appearance. Once or twice she eyed the hill that lead down to the stables. Once or twice she got it in her head that she might try to walk down there. Each time however, the healers would magically appear and thwart her desire to try. But at least today she was busy.

Today she got in a new set of books. These ones were on the history of Thedas itself rather than the usual boring books on Lyrium or Templars. Varric often came by to drop off new loads of books, or pick up requests. This time Varric put in books that would peak her interest or at least give her a break from the usual work. Aaren was apparently working far too much while in recovery. At least this way she could learn all she could about the world she now lived in. 

“How thoughtful, they had a translation of written Elven history, how thoughtful Solas,” Aaren murmured as she looked at the small notes left in the old pages of the clearly delicate book. 

“Varric thought it might be a good idea for you to take your mind off of something other than your current project,” the voice of Solas chuckled lightly over the morning sun. Aaren froze for a second. Lately her dreams had started to bleed through from her imagination and into the real world…or the other way around. She looked up as saw the Elven mage looking down at her with a light smile on his face. Relief swept through her and she gave a small sigh. In all honesty, that sigh might have been taken as one of irritation and not of relief.

“It is good to rest when you need to,” Solas said. Aaren masked her own internal thoughts with a scowl.

“I have done nothing save for turning pages and writing notes. I’m sure I have made a permanent indent within that bed they have me metaphorically chained to,” Aaren lightly complained. Masamune then came running up and nearly barreled through Solas. The elf stumbled and the wolf turned to bare his fangs at the mage. 

“Masamune!” Aaren snapped. She placed the book down on the bench and got up sharply. Yes, she still felt a twinge of pain but now was not the time to give in to that.

“That was uncalled for and not nice!” Aaren snapped. Masamune then grumbled a low growl. A first for her. 

“This would not be the first time that he has openly displayed his displeasure of me,” Solas said as he straightened up. 

“That’s no excuse to do what he did to you,” Aaren countered. Masamune eyes Solas with watchful eyes. Solas looked directly at Masamune. There was a silence that followed both of them. Masamune had never before been so watchful and attentive to another being as he was in that moment. Sure there were definitely times outside of Skyhold when he would watch the soldiers come and go with an odd hint of curiousity in his eyes but nothing more. This was one of learning, discerning. Masamune looked as if he were trying to figure Solas out. It couldn’t have something to do with magic, lest he would snap and stare down any mage than came into contact with them. Especially Dorian but perhaps wolves did not have the same prejudice against Tevinter. 

“Honestly, no scrapes from me tonight,” Aaren made her decision. Masamune did not budge. Not so much as even look over at Aaren in a plead for his extra food. 

“Unfortunately, wolves do not necessarily have the same nature as dogs,” Solas said. He was the first to break the eye contact. Aaren knew that that was a show of weakness in the animal kingdom, but why did Masamune continue to watch Solas with such intent? As if their contest had not even begun.

“I know that, I’ve treated every animal as though they are a new friend,” Aaren said. Solas might have had the luxury of relaxing but Aaren did not want to have to see Masamune be put down because she was not watching him close enough. Solas looked a little surprised by her words though.

“You have kept wolves before?” he asked as though she were a child. Aaren gave a small scowl.

“No, I have had cats, dogs, and horses. If anything I know that all animals  
have a variety of personalities just as people do,” Aaren said. She walked to the bench and sat down once again. Solas slowly made his way over but Masamune bared his fangs again and gave a warning growl. Aaren shot him the best glare she could give and even Masamune seemed to back down from that, but only just.

“At least we know you are still the pack leader between you two,” Solas said. Aaren offered him a seat next to her. He seemed to hesitate at the offer.

“Do it so he knows that I am the one that makes the decisions about who can be close to me,” she all but demanded. Solas cocked an eyebrow but happily sat next to her. Masamune bared his fangs all the way and Aaren was the one to stand up quickly and march with just as much speed to Masamune. He didn’t back down until Aaren got close enough to strike him. Masamune then took a few steps back and then a leap away. Aaren stood tall and unmoving, regardless of her condition. Masamune, to her, looked shocked and confused. He seemed to keep that sense of bewilderment even as she turned and walked slowly back to her seat and sat back down. She eyed him for a moment. Masamune watched, concerned if it could be described as such, and sat down on his hindquarters.

“You didn’t need to do that,” Solas then said. He was, surprisingly, speechless.

“On the contrary, I did need to do that,” Aaren said. The pain came through in her voice. It was obvious she pushed herself just for such a lesson.

“I much as I want him to keep his wolfish nature, he needs to learn who exactly is the leader in this relationship. And, unfortunate as it might be, I might have to come to blows with him,” she continued and placed the old book in her lap. “Which means I need to act by his rules and laws of nature.”

“It seems I underestimated you,” Solas then commented. Aaren gave a pained grin.

“Not all of us warriors are thugs that hit things when they don’t go our way,” she said with confidence. Then her look looked a little more than pained. She felt a wave of nostalgia followed by the choking grip of homesickness. 

“I take it you were not always the warrior you are now,” Solas asked. Aaren looked down at the ancient book in her lap and gave a heavy sigh.

“I love knowledge. I love learning new things…the world around me has so much knowledge. It served to help the people around me when I was physically unable to do so,” she explained to the elf. She had a natural thirst to know the world around her. It wasn’t just because she came to a different world that quelled such a thirst, but it was the demands of survival that halted such a quest. If anything, this time she had to herself was a reminder that she still held that part of her very dear, and saw how little she continued to keep that part of her.

“Why don’t you tell me about something of your world?” Solas suggested. Aaren gave a chuckle of irony.

“No offense, but you wouldn’t get half the things I say,” Aaren said. “The history of my world, the science…I’d spend hours explaining and introducing new things to do in order to explain a ten-minute story.”

It was not that she did not want to explain, it was the fact that no one here would have any reference as to what she was talking about. She’d asked over and over again about the world here, the laws and physics in which it works. But trying to explain that nothing that they had would actual work in hers…the people here would not grasp what that meant.

“Why not explain it. It would make for stimulating conversation,” the elf persisted. Aaren chuckled again. 

“And here I thought you might have come to just check on how your ancient book was doing,” she teased.

“I might have…but now I know it is in the hands of a fellow knowledge seeker,” he said. Aaren sighed. But what to talk about? What to talk about?

“…Did you know that the country I come from is fairly new?” Aaren then asked. It was a silly question but it at least would make it seem like the conversation was academic.

“Depends on what you call new,” Solas continued to play along.

“About two and a half centuries old,” Aaren answered. The shock on his face was priceless. The newest country they had was probably Fereldan, but it was not nearly that young. 

“I know right, and our country has had this problem with fighting and most of our history can be followed if you look for the path of blood,” Aaren said with a tone of irony. “Most of our history is bathed in war…”

“And when you fell into the Fade and came to Thedas?” Solas asked. Aaren scrunched her eyes as she thought. She thought for a very long time, as though she were sifting through the various wells of knowledge she eluded to having.

“Well…I think we might have still been at war…it might not have been as intense or just remnants of when it started…how many years has it been? Thirteen years? Fifteen years? I don’t remember much since it started when I still a little girl,” Aaren then answered.

“That must have been a tough time for you,” Solas commented. Aaren gave a shrug.

“I had my own little war that I was waging against my own mother, I could hardly afford to really worry about a country that was an ocean and a continent away from me,” Aaren said as though it were fact. Solas looked curious but Aaren seemed to bristle a little more. She didn’t want to talk about her past, she’d rather talk about her country’s. Though, in reality, there was not much difference between what happened to her and what happen to her country.

“America, as it is called, began when three prominent countries decided to set sail across the open sea. Those three countries were England, France, and Spain. They were in search of new lands, and new adventures…”

~

Just a few more days and Aaren would be released from this hellish prison. The books that she was given were no longer a good distraction but a reminder that she was not yet well enough to walk out on her own. Even after she was freed from the confines of her bed, she would still be bound within the walls of Skyhold for more time. That was only to regain her strength she lost in the months that followed her recovery. 

Her wounds right now did not bother her so much. Aaren was able, for the most part, to help around the infirmary and do basic stocking jobs. Of course that was only allowed when Robin was on duty. Maeve had made it a point to come visit every now and again. It must have been hard when she was always sent away on missions. Dorian came done far more often. He usually had more books or notes on how best to help Templars deal with Lyrium withdraw, or the occasional just to check in to see how she was doing. Aaren speculated that he was a little shaken to see someone he considered as a close friend nearly die like that. Ever since Aaren decided to give a brief history of America to Solas, he had come down a little more often. In exchange for her knowledge, he would tell stories of his adventures through the Fade. Some of it was actual history, others just nice tales.

But today, Aaren sat with her legs crossed on her bed. It looked as though it was relatively sunny outside. The sun light would come and go as the clouds would pass over it. She gave a heavy sigh and looked down at Masamune. He had been a little better since that encounter with Solas. He lay lazily on the bed, his eyes closed as he slept. 

“Glad one of us is enjoying some sort of rest,” Aaren muttered. In recent nights, the nightmares or whatever they were had become increasingly more elaborate. She’d made it her duty to write down the things she saw and research them in private so as not to alert anyone. It could be nothing…but the images that she saw…the things she heard…felt…they were real. Or what her understanding of real within a dream currently was anyway.

“Don’t tell me you are staying up reading all of these books,” Varric’s chuckle interrupted her thoughts. Aaren smiled widely.

“Of course I am. I can’t do anything but read in this place,” she teased. Her legs unfolded as she stood up to greet her favorite dwarf. He held up his hands to show she didn’t have to move but she did anyway. Masamune’s ears pricked forward and then his head and body sat up on the bed. 

“You seem to be walking around fine,” Varric said with optimism. Aaren scowled as she glanced at the healers within the infirmary.

“Yeah, but what I wouldn’t give to be outside for once…I think the doctors are a little scared that I might run away or something,” she said dryly. The healers were well aware of her recent complaints and arguments that she was healed. All they did was give her a warning look before returning to their work. Aaren stuck her tongue out childishly at them. Varric was the only one to actually chuckle at the situation.

“I’m sure that they know what they’re doing. Besides, you tend to overdo things,” he said to her. Aaren scoffed lightly at Varric. His definition of “overdo” and hers were very different. If anything, it was to keep herself busy…or protect someone out on the field of battle.

“You’re almost completely healed, no need to set yourself back another week,” he said.

“I bet half of this is because Cullen ordered a strict watch on me,” Aaren grumbled. He’d not been able to see her as often as she would have liked. With the Inquisitor clearing out the Emerald Graves of the Free Men of the Dales, and the added stress of reestablishing Emprise Du Lion after the entire fiasco with the mayor, Cullen had barely enough time to slip away from his reports. 

_He’s probably fallen asleep at his desk with how much he’s worked himself_ Aaren thought.

“If anything, Curly’s worried himself sick over your condition,” Varric said as Aaren sat down on her bed. Masamune lay his head across her lap and thumped his tail in a weak attempt for some attention.

“And he knows better than anyone else here that I have a problem with following rules…or completely following rules,” Aaren said dryly.

“He is also aware of what you can handle on your own. Have a little more faith in our Commander,” Varric said with confidence. Aaren gave him a dry look. Yet, in her heart she had more faith in the Commander than anyone else here. She was the one that said those three little words to voice their feelings for one another…to make it even more official than simply boyfriend and girlfriend. If the roles were reversed, Aaren would have made sure that Cullen had a clean bill of health before ever setting foot outside the walls of Skyhold…and she should not expect anything less than that same behavior. 

“I’ll see if I can pull a few strings,” Varric then said. Aaren gave him a huge grin. 

“Thanks, Varric, you’re the best.”

~

Night had fallen over Skyhold. The stars had come out to illuminate where the torchlight could not. Commander Cullen opened the door to the infirmary. It was late, well into the night by the time he was done with his reports. Every night had been the same. He would come in late, as see that Aaren had already drifted off to sleep. This night was no different. Often time she would have a book in her hand, or found herself outside the covers of her bed. This time, she lay with half the covers on. The other half had neatly folded on her legs. 

“What are you doing, Aaren?” he whispered softly. He walked to her bed side and gently took the book from her hand. There was slight resistance, if only by the weight of her hand. Aaren scrunches her eyebrows slightly before her body relaxed into a peaceful sleep once again. Cullen stood still, careful not to wake her. Yet…the selfish part of his mind wishes she would wake, just once. There were rare times he was able to get away, where they enjoyed an afternoon meal…Cullen gave a small sigh for wishful thinking and then gently placed the book on her nightstand. Then he took the rest of the covers and pulled them over her sleeping frame. His eyes rested on her sleeping face and his thoughts wandered to that first night she woke up.

_I did what I did because I love you…_ her words still echoed in his mind. That made him incredibly happy, more so that words were insufficient to describe the feeling he had when Aaren was at his side. A smile graced his face and he bent down to place a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you too,” he whispered softly. 

~

This period of waiting had to end sometime soon. Aaren was getting all too restless within her confined space, and Robin could see it. She’d watched as Aaren would often look out the window, sigh heavily, or complain loudly that she was well enough to go outside. Well, beyond what she could already go. There were times when she would pace about, clean, do things to keep herself physically busy. Robin allowed it, for it would help build her strength and keep her from sighing too much.

“Captain, just a few more days,” Robin said after the tenth sigh.

“Robin, I am fine now. If I can handle cleaning up this place three times in one day, I am sure as hell fine going out there and finding something else mundane to do,” Aaren snapped. The poor woman was frustrated because she was unable to move about freely. Robin rubbed her own forehead in frustration. How in the hell did Ian deal with her on a day to day basis? Granted, Aaren was not at all like this when she was out on the field, or in healthy condition. This frustration was because she had order to do _nothing_. As much as Robin could try to understand Aaren’s frustration, she could not help but feel irritated too. The Captain didn’t need to take out her frustrations on Robin.

“From the sound of it, it seems like you intend on running away,” a voice broke through the friction. Aaren and Robin turned to see Maeve standing just past the threshold of the door.

“Maeve!” Aaren said with excitement. Maeve received a rather strong hug from Aaren. Robin, however, looked a little suspicious. 

“It’s good to see that you are up and walking around as you are. I heard it took several healing sessions,” Maeve said. She made no effort to sit down, no effort to get Aaren off of her feet. Perhaps she realized that her friend was well enough to go back into the real world.

“Yeah, it took a lot, but they finally got me in normal health…some of them said that I might still feel a sting here or there when I go out to battle and want me to wait till next week to actually go outside,” Aaren said with a complaint in her tone.

“It’s just a few more days,” Robin intervened. Aaren went to say something but Maeve held up a hand.

“I know it’s a week away…but I thought maybe, Robin, you’d at least turn a blind eye to what is going to happen,” Maeve then said. Robin cocked her head to the side in question. Aaren was also confused. 

“The path is clear this way,” Varric interrupted. “Now’s your chance if you ever had one.”

Aaren looked to Maeve and then to Varric. Both Robin and her were utterly and completely confused. Maeve gave a soft smile. Of course Aaren would be confused. All these months and she had complained that she wanted freedom from this place, and now when it was presented to her in the most basic way, she could not recognize it. It took a small jerk of Maeve’s head to emphasize the point.

“Get going already,” Maeve said. Aaren looked at Maeve then looked over at Robin. The healer shook her head and mouthed the word “no” as her only warning. But Aaren grinned widely and took her chance. She half jogged out, as no one there was going to hold her back. Masamune rushed out the door as well, running ahead of Aaren. Varric stood out of the way and watched as Aaren took a few jogging steps away from the designated invisible barrier. 

The sun felt good. The wind felt good. Everything felt good. Aaren took a deep breath and for the first time there was no pain. Her shoulder did not ache. Everything felt as it should. 

“I got Kid to help a little bit. He’s waiting for you at the gates,” Varric said. Aaren looked down at the dwarf.

“Are you…encouraging me to break the rules?” Aaren asked as she turned around slowly. Varric had a wide grin on his face. Maeve walked out with an equally wide grin. This was exactly what friends were for. Their grins spread to her face and she turned back around like a kid excited to see his birthday presents. Without a second word, she half ran down the hill and Masamune happily followed. There at the entrance of the gate was Yakul, saddled and ready to ride out. The Red Hart pricked his ears forward and looked in Aaren’s general direction. Cole was nowhere to be seen.

“Yakul!” Aaren called to her friend. The giant creature trotted to her and shoved his heavy head into her chest. The force knocked Aaren down to the ground with a resounding thud. Sure it hurt, but it was far funnier. Aaren couldn’t help but laugh and hug Masamune as he checked to see if she was okay. Yakul joined in. His head came down and snorted as he sniffed her. Aaren gave him a huge hug around his head and scratched both sides of his jaw. 

“I missed you too, buddy,” Aaren said as she rested her forehead on his. This felt great. More than great. It was like she was finally able to shake off those old wounds and give a big middle finger to death itself. It had attempted to claim her for the second time, and Aaren managed to walk away once more. Now she was going to enjoy the longest ride outside the gates of Skyhold, no matter who said no.

“Aaren?!” a booming voice called. The woman looked up to see Ian stood on the ramparts nearest Cullen’s office. No doubt the Commander would have heard that and come running. Aaren grinned widely as she waited.

“What in the hell are you doing?!” Ian shouted. He was the one to be angry. Cullen’s head appeared over the guarding stone.

“What in Andraste’s name are you doing?!” he roared. Half of Skyhold must have stopped what they were doing for fear of angering the Commander. Aaren, however, grinned and stood up. She even went so far as to brush her pants off and wave up at him.

“Nice to see you too!” she called up to them. 

“Damnit, Aaren, you have one more week!” Ian shouted down at her. Seemed like Cullen and Ian were in agreement since Cullen did not reprimand Ian for not using the title she had earned. Again, Aaren kept her grin. Those two would have to watch as she mounted Yakul with swiftness. Oh how great it felt to finally lift herself into his saddle and sit down. The gates clicked, as though waiting for her to ready herself for a ride.

“Aaren! Maker’s Mercy! Don’t!” Ian shouted down at her.

“I mean, unless you’re going to jump down from there and stop me,” Aaren taunted. Ian got the face like he would when he scowled. He also probably snarled something to the effect of “Don’t think I won’t” under his breath. The gates stopped with a resounding clang. Aaren looked to see that they were open wide. Aaren looked back up at Cullen and gave a wide grin.

“Aaren!” Cullen shouted down at her. All Aaren had to do was lightly nudge with her heels. The Hart walked forward, then gradually his gait increased in speed and he was barreling down the bridge between the mountain and Skyhold. His cloven hooves echoed against the stone beneath him. 

“AAREN!!!!” Cullen’s voice echoed far louder off the walls of Skyhold. Aaren turned around to see them disappear into the walls of Skyhold. The farther she went, the less she was able to see. Masamune followed just behind them. He looked as though he was having the time of his life. Finally, some time to stretch his legs and roam about the lands just outside of Skyhold.

They burst through the last gate and hit the hard dirt of the mountain. Aaren then turned Yakul down a familiar path through the forest. Masamune followed for a while before he became exhausted. Yakul and Aaren ran a few lazy gallops before they too slowed down to a simple trot and that too slowed to a walk. The woods never smelled so…so…woodsy. Aaren took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. This is what she missed.

The open air, the slight crisp breeze as it softly blew through the trees. The sound of muffled hoof falls as Yakul lazily weaved through the trees. Masamune ran through the trees, chasing after a rabbit without a care in the world. Aaren gave a small smile to Masamune. This was nature at its finest. Aaren didn’t think she would last much longer within the confines of that infirmary. Her spirit was to the point of breaking, when her frustrations built up to the point she needed to do something to change her surroundings or give in to her fate. Obviously she did something about it.

“CAPTAIN!!!!” the familiar roar of Ian echoed through the trees. Aaren could expect one of two things. Either Ian was going to drag her back to Skyhold, or he might be reasoned with and allow her to ride about with supervision. Either way, Aaren would pull out all of her cards in order to continue her ride in this wilderness.

“CAPTAIN!!!” he roared again. Aaren could hear the distant sound of hooves on the hard earth. Yakul lifted his head up in the air and swiveled his ears. Aaren turned in the direction he looked and could see Ian leap over a fallen log. The fury on his face was evident.

“There you are!” he exclaimed in a growl of frustration. He must have run from Cullen’s side all the way down to the stables and rushed to get his horse ready. Ian was panting heavily while still maintaining that angry stare. Aaren scowled at him. No one could understand how she felt. Sure, her newly healed wounds did ache just a little but from underuse. But they were nothing like when she lay there, day in and day out, struggling to breath. 

“It’s okay, Ian,” Aaren said sternly. “I’ve rested enough. Given that I am not currently on the ground in pain, I’d say I have more than proven it.”

Ian sat there, in his saddle, silent. The horse snorted and sniffed at the ground, as though recovering from its sudden run. The glare didn’t seem to let up, and Aaren stood her ground. Yakul pawed at the ground while they stood in silence. Ian then nudged his horse, a little rough for Aaren’s liking, and the horse walked to her side. Aaren was prepared. Her body coiled and ready to spring at the first sign of resistance. She would not go back, not when she had proven she was more than healed.

“Permission to speak freely, Captain?” Ian asked with a sarcastic tone. Aaren sat in silence. They both knew he had more than permission to speak freely, he was just showing how pissed he was by following proper protocol.

“You were dead, should have been dead. And yet you defied everything. No one, no healer can explain why you are still breathing,” Ian said severely. “I have never seen the Commander in a more sorry state. Don’t you think what you just did was just a bit childish?!”

Aaren tried not to grind her teeth. It was fine to be worried, to have gone through those things, but Aaren was alive. There was no use in dwelling in the past when it no longer could be changed. Aaren lived, she was out of the way of danger, and even more so, she could sit on top of Yakul as she normal did. She could breathe properly, stand up and walk around like a normal person. Was that not enough for them to return to work?

“And you would rather see me locked up in a castle?” Aaren asked quietly. The deadliness of her tone was a warning. Aaren only yelled when she was angry, but true anger was when she got quiet. No one had yet to see Aaren truly angry, not in this way. Ian himself sat back in his saddle. Not a relaxed stance, but one of thinking and preparing for a long drawn out fight. 

“The one time everyone wants you to follow orders,” Ian muttered.

“This has nothing to do with orders,” Aaren snapped as a wolf would when a pack mate tried to eat out of turn. Ian sighed heavily.

“I…you’re right, this isn’t about orders…” he replied. He then looked over at Aaren with a softer expression. Aaren herself was confused but she did not let her guard down for one second.

“Everyone felt the weight of worry and guilt when you came back like that,” Ian said. For the first time, Aaren could see Ian drop his own guard and show his worry. He looked tired, more so than Aaren had normally seen him.

“And everyone is worried that if you go out there again, you won’t come back,” Ian admitted. Aaren sighed heavily and looked away from Ian. Had the roles been switched, Aaren would be amoung those who worry for the person always throwing themselves headlong into danger. She would try and appeal to them, convince them to take the safer route. But Aaren…she knew that it was ultimately the decision of the individual to take that risk.

“Ian…” Aaren then started but he held up a hand.

“I know, and you don’t have to tell me,” he said. Then he put his hand down.

“But the next time you want to have a wild run into the wilderness like a mad woman, at least let your company know,” he suggested. Aaren finally relaxed into a smile and then a huge grin. Ian was definitely the man to reason with. From there, the two of them explored the different part of the nearby forested area. Masamune enjoyed terrorizing the local wildlife while Ian and Aaren enjoyed occasional races or idle conversation. They continued to ride until the sun threatened to disappear behind the mountains. 

“I’d wager they already had their evening meals,” Ian said as he handed Aaren a half a loaf of bread and some jerky.

“I bet the place is crawling with guards who would not hesitate to take be back and strap me down,” Aaren muttered before she configured the jerky and bread to resemble something like a sandwich. 

“I have no doubt we’ve been watched this entire time,” Ian said.

“Now who’s the one that’s paranoid?” Aaren teased through a mouthful of food. Ian half scowled.

“Sister Leliana is good at her job. I wouldn’t doubt her for a second she knows are exact location,” he said. Aaren merely chuckled. They walked back lazily to the front gates of Skyhold, across the bridge, and through the final gate. Aaren and Ian had no trouble making it back to the stables. Everyone that might have cared seemed to be off duty, or asleep, or perhaps in the Great Hall for a meal. Which left Aaren and Ian enough time to leave their mounts in the care of the horse master and find their way back. Aaren, however, was feeling the effects of being out of practice.

She was exhausted, perhaps beyond that. Her muscles ached from that long ride. But it was well worth it. She got to spend the day outside of the infirmary, and ride around as a child might without a care in the world. For one day, she did what she wanted to do. Stretched her legs, and now was ready for a long sleep in her own bed.

“This way…if you don’t want to get caught,” Ian said in a hushed whisper. Aaren nodded and followed him up the side stairs to the upper ramparts. There was little resistance from the guards. If anything they congratulated Aaren on her recovery. That was the point when Ian and Aaren exchanged looks of concern. They expected to be carted off right to the Inquisitor, or worse, to the Commander. Hal at least was reasonable enough to talk through problems while Cullen had a harsher tone with them. Perhaps it was because he dealt with their near matching personalities on a regular basis. Whatever the case, something was off. 

They had to go the long way around the ramparts. Had they gone through Cullen’s office, surely they would be caught. Ian did not want to deal with the wrath of the Commander when his treasured love of his life ran off without saying anything. And then the fact that Ian ran off to go after her and not come back until the sun had disappeared was just grounds for the Commander to rip his head off and throw his body over the side of the ramparts. And as much as Aaren might have convinced him otherwise, Ian was not going to take that chance. No, instead they weaved their way through the old towers that had yet to be cleaned out. They hurried to the opposite side where Aaren’s room was. 

“Thanks Ian,” Aaren said to her rival. The man shrugged and then shook his head.

“Just don’t do anything too stupid,” Ian warned. Aaren wasn’t sure if he was being playful, or if he was being serious. It really could have been both. His face gave no hints, nothing to help her determine the true nature of his words. Instead, he turned and left briskly. Aaren sighed heavily. That man was so infuriating at times. For now, she was grateful for his help. Aaren nodded once, placed her hand on the handle. The door knob turned slowly and the door opened to her room. Masamune already barreled through and into the familiar room. Aaren had opened her mouth to scold the wolf, but her words were stamped out by another.

“By all rights, I should send you back to the infirmary,” a scolding, worrying voice said. Aaren jumped. Her hand went to her hip where her sword would have been. However, it only gripped air. She had not worn her sword in the months during her recovery. It was good to know that she still had those reflexes. The culprit behind the voice was none other than Cullen himself. He sat in her chair closest to her window. Masamune was at his side, begging for attention that the Commander was not going to give him. Instead, Cullen gave Aaren a very hard glare. Aaren nearly thought to shrink back, to disappear behind the door and find somewhere to hide, but she froze in her tracks. 

Cullen then stood up, the leather on his armour groaned and echoed loudly in the silence that filled that Aaren’s room. Even Masamune figured it out, and his ears set back on his neck as he slowly backed away. He was not completely frightened, but cautious. Aaren and Cullen looked at each other for a while. A silent conversation, or maybe an argument passing between them. Several times Aaren thought she might have something to say, but no words seemed to form. Not even as she opened her mouth to speak.

What could she say? Aaren disobeyed orders, again, in order to satisfy her desire to run free. It was a selfish act. Cullen on the other hand had witnessed and worried over her health while she was unconscious; on the precipice of life and death. He had every right to be angry, frustrated, more than furious with her. What words could Aaren possibly say?

“But I know you…and I know you would fight me every step of the way,” Cullen said as though he was defeated. Aaren looked at him. There was disappointment, and that hurt her far worse than anger. Anger she could ignore, deflect. Disappointment was something she could not fight, something she felt was far worse than rage. 

“Cullen…” Aaren murmured. Cullen held his hand up, just as Ian did. Aaren’s words were silenced. At least now she knew where Ian got it from. There was a small sigh from Cullen, that disappointment that tore at her heart.

“I should know by now that you are as liable to listen as wind itself,” he said. There was a smile of irony on his face. Aaren was not sure if she should take that as a complement or something that she needed to evaluate and change. His footsteps echoed in her room as he crossed the rest of the way to her. 

“But I must ask if you would at least let me know when you wish to ride out into the wilderness. Then I could at least arrange a patrol or guard,” he finished. It was a request, a polite request. Aaren was not sure if she even deserved such a request. She looked away from him. Part of her was truly ashamed that her selfish actions lead to this. That she would feel so guilty about doing something she knew she could do. She gathered her courage and returned his gaze with her own.

“I’ll try to ask,” she replied with a small nod. She would try to at least give him a little comfort. Eventually, he would know that she was okay, that she was strong enough to fight once more at his side. That her wounds were not holding her back, hindering her to the point where she could not be sent out as she usually did. No, she would fight tooth and nail to make certain that she was the same as ever, if not stronger. Aaren merely went about showing that the wrong way. Cullen seemed to see that growing determination in her eyes and gave a small sigh. What emotion he had she could not say.

“I’m glad you are safe,” he said softly. It was he who embraced her, and held her to him. Aaren did her best to wrap her arms around him, to give him comfort. She could remember his shout to her as she ran outside the walls of Skyhold, the terror behind such a roar. 

“I’ll always come back, Cullen,” Aaren said. She felt like she needed to say that. No matter what, she would always come back to him. Cullen’s arms seem to tighten around her. Maybe he still needed convincing after watching her fall so low, and that would take time. For now, however, she would remind him that she was fine every step of the way.

“You’d better,” she heard him barely whisper.


	30. In the Name of the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaren now healed, Maeve is able to go far beyond the reaches of Skyhold. This time, an old friend of Leliana's asks for help. However, since Leliana has sworn her services to the Inquisition, the only thing she can do is send Maeve, one of the best, to help in this matter.

Now that Aaren was out of the infirmary, things started to go back to relative normalcy. Maeve was able to accompany Aaren on runs outside of Skyhold, merely as a favor to Cullen and to catch up with her best friend. The Commander wasn’t exactly happy about the stunt that they had pulled, her and Varric, ad showed it by only giving a verbal reprimanding. Varric was certain it was because Aaren truly was as well as they thought she was that they did not get anything worse. For now, however, it was back to work as usual.

Disturbing news was coming forth from Denerim. The Spymaster, Leliana, had reports of dissent amoung a rebel group. They were loyal to the traitor, Logain MacTir, and believed that he was to be the true king. There were rumours of a rebellion, and disturbing reports of violent attacks on the guards. Leliana had already voiced her concerns for the current king, as they did travel for a time during the Fifth Blight, but she could not get away from her current duties to the Inquisition. The Inquisitor was the one to suggest to put Maeve on the task. She’d done more than enough to prove herself and was indeed one of the best spies they had. But the thought of leaving the safety of Skyhold and living in Denerim to weed out these rebels was a terrifying one.

Maeve sighed heavily and put the notes down on her work desk. Her gaze went out to the courtyard and the training soldiers below. Aaren was right there in the middle, challenging other soldiers to train with her. Maeve gave a small smile. Aaren was not yet up to her normal strength, and trained as a fellow soldier rather than a Captain. She was slowly returning to her duties as Captain, but Ian took care of those so far. If she took this mission, as if Hal asked her personally, she would be away from her friends and all things familiar. Not to mention Corypheus was still out there and the Wardens were still missing. 

“Looks like something serious,” a familiar voice said with a small chuckle. Maeve glanced over to the source of the sound. Blackwall leaned against the door frame, with a look of concern. Of course, he was the only other Warden that had not disappeared, and Maeve was thankful for that.

“It’s…okay it is that serious,” Maeve tried to dismiss it but knew better. Blackwall walked from the doorframe and over to Maeve’s side.

“It must be if you forgot our scheduled lunch,” he teased lightly. Wait…she forgot?! How long had she been sitting there reading over these notes and debating whether or not to accept this mission? Maeve sighed heavily and leaned back in her seat with defeat. Blackwall gave her a look of understanding. He then leaned down and gave her a very loving kiss. 

“This is very bold of you,” Maeve commented once they separated. He gave a little cheeky grin.

“We all need something to distract us from being too serious,” Blackwall said with a little chuckle. Maeve knew exactly what he meant. Then there was the thought that if she was going to be away from Blackwall for a long period of time, then she might as well make time to enjoy with him.

“Let’s go get a late lunch. I’d rather not work myself to the bone like Cullen or Aaren,” Maeve said. Blackwall chuckled and held out a hand to help her out of the chair.

~

The swords clattered against each other and echoed off the stones of the courtyard. Aaren gritted her teeth with the strain of the deadlock she was in with her second in command. Ian did not look like he was going to let up, nor did he look nearly as strained as Aaren currently felt. She was usually the one to have him on the ropes, now that she had spent near two months just healing, her strength seemed to wane away with the time. Her sword arm shook with the effort to maintain that hold, and Ian could see it. It was he who backed off, and let Aaren step back with heavy breath. No one else needed to see the weakness she had, not when she had shown so much progress.

“Let’s take a break,” Ian said simply. He gave her a pat on the shoulder and walked from the training area. Aaren near gritted her teeth with the frustration of her own weakness. She should be better; she should be able to handle this. But it looked like she would have to take more time in order to rebuild her strength. As of now, her sword hand felt heavy and cumbersome it took some serious concentration merely to sheath it. A sigh escaped her lips and then she looked down at her shaky sword hand. The only worry she had, was that she would never hold a sword without difficulty. That she would only feel pain as she swung her sword, or have a limited time before it gave out. 

“Staring at your hand isn’t going to make it move, you know,” Maeve’s voice called from across the field. Aaren looked up to see her best friend leaning against the training ring fence. Maeve gave a little wave and Aaren returned it with a rather weak wave of her own. Her shoulder ached, and raising it seemed to irritate it more. Aaren walked over to Maeve and wiped the sweat from her forehead.

“What’s up?” Aaren asked. Masamune trailed behind her, especially since he did not see her return to her normal bench. Maeve looked down at the wolf then back to Aaren.

“I might have to go to Fereldan to King Alistair’s court. Looks like there is a mole and that mole is taking people out…good men and women,” Maeve explained quietly. Aaren’s jaw dropped.

“ _The_ King of Ferelden?” Aaren asked. Maeve nodded. That was a fantastic mission. King Alistair was a survivor of the Fifth Blight, and fought together with Leliana and the Hero of Fereldan. Sadly, he currently ruled alone.  
“You know, Leliana travelled with King Alistair with the Hero of Fereldan during the first Blight,” Aaren couldn’t contain her excitement. Maeve gave her a dry look. Her friend was always into history, and Thedas was no exception. 

“You’ve been doing too much research into history,” Maeve said with a dry tone to match her face.

“Not when the Blights have all but shaped the current world of Thedas!” Aaren pointed out. “Leliana is a survivor, one of the people that fought to save the land of Ferelden. And she’s asking to help out the King! And- “

“Aaren…” Maeve said as a gentle warning. 

“Sorry,” Aaren apologized softly.

“Hal suggested that I take on this mission. He’s been impressed with how much I’ve done so far but I…” Maeve looked conflicted. “I’m not so sure. I’d be going in alone, with my cover as an apology for the damage done to Redcliffe and Ferelden by the Mages we saved. It’s just so the murder doesn’t get spooked by me being there.”

Which meant that Maeve would be going in this, alone. 

“How long did they plan on keeping you there without reinforcements?” Aaren asked. 

“I won’t be alone, necessarily…just…without Inquisition reinforcements,” Maeve clarified. Aaren gave a nod of understanding. Maeve was going to be in this by herself without any friendship support. Aaren might try to appeal to that, if Maeve said so, but Aaren was not so confident in her own strength. Not when she could not best Ian yet.

“I don’t think you will be staying for that long,” Cullen said from behind Maeve. Maeve jumped about ten feet into the air while Aaren gave a big grin. 

“That was unfair!” Maeve complained loudly. Cullen merely chuckled and looked over to Aaren.

“Not many people know about this mission, and it is merely to identify who is responsible. The King himself will take care of the rest,” Cullen explained. It sounded like an easy job for Maeve. If the King needed just a new set of eyes to look at the system he had to deal with, then it should be easy to spot the mole, should it be someone within the King’s employment.

“And Aaren will escort you with the Wolf Warriors,” Cullen added. Aaren and Maeve looked to Cullen with a look of surprise. Maeve’s turned more to worry while Aaren could not look happier.

“Don’t you think that it’s a little early for her to go out on missions? There is still a lot of fighting going on in Ferelden,” Maeve said. They might have quelled the Mage Templar war but there was still a lot of stragglers that did not know that the war was over. Plus, Aaren could barely hold up her sword. It was not like she had a few months to heal and try to gain all of the movement in her shoulder, she only had a week or so to be out and training. Maeve watched as Cullen’s face was pained. He was not doing this because he wanted to give this to Aaren, he was doing this because he knew that Aaren needed it. Even Maeve herself understood that Aaren was the last person to be able to sit still for any long length of time.

“The Northern Road has been patrolled by the Inquisition and by the King’s own men. It is a relatively quiet road thanks to our combined efforts. I am confident you will get there safely and with little trouble,” Cullen answered. Aaren look like she might explode. She was finally going to go out on her first mission just days after leaving that hellish prison called the infirmary.

“Oh thank you Cullen!” Aaren half shouted with an awkward hug. She’d forgotten their ranks, and quite frankly, didn’t care about it. Cullen was the one to get a little embarrassed. Maeve gave a small amused smile.

“You are only to escort Maeve, nothing more,” Cullen reminded. “Should there be any fighting, you fall back and let the Wolf Warriors handle it.”

“But- “

“No buts,” Cullen with a gentle yet firm finality in his tone. There was a light pout from Aaren. Giving her this much freedom too soon might set her healing back further. However, if she was given just enough freedom, with limits, she might be able to soar above expectation and heal faster. It was finding that balance that proved to be difficult. 

“Hear that Maeve? I get to be your bodyguard,” Aaren said with enthusiasm. By this point, she’d separated herself from Cullen and was just as bubbly as a child who found out they were going to Disneyland. 

“I think it’s more like tag-along,” Maeve corrected only to get a scowl. Cullen was the one to chuckle this time and even he received a scowl. 

“I’ll go fill in Ian on what we are doing, we’ll be ready to as soon as you make a decision,” Aaren said to Maeve. Considering everyone was already preparing for the trip, Maeve had little choice now but to accept. She nodded and gave a small sigh. At least she would get a chance to rub elbows with the King of Ferelden. Who knows that might actually benefit her in some small way in the future.

~

The sound of the hoof falls were the music they listened to as they travelled to the city of Denerim. Aaren seemed to care little about the minor trivial irritations of the travel. Her attention was always on the world around her, watching as nature ran by, or a landscape would come into view. There were a few times when they would stop to camp and Aaren would be the last person to turn in for the night, save for the one that was put on watch. She definitely took to her Captain like duties as though she was never away from them in the first place. Maeve marveled at the fact that she did not seem the least bit nervous to be out here. 

Maeve was the exact opposite. Just the thought of going into this mission was case for her anxiety to have a field day in her mind. Added that there was a murderer out there too just seemed to make her anxiety and nervousness grow. But the strange fact was she had done stuff similar to this in the past, yet now was the time that she was most anxious. Perhaps it was because this was a bigger deal or at least seemed more important than the previous missions.

“Captain, the healers said that you need to rest your shoulder, not push it harder,” Ian reminded Aaren. Those words broke Maeve’s current line of thought. She looked to see what her friend was up to and could see she held a saddle in her hands. Aaren had shown difficult in raising her right arm above her head. The healers had warned that it was possible she was going to have difficulty with her range in motion, but with strict therapy and some time to heal, she might make a full recovery. Heavy emphasis on the might if Aaren was going to push herself further than her limits.

“I can handle it,” Aaren protested. 

“Captain,” Robin said in low warning. 

“Aaren,” Maeve said at the same time as Robin. Aaren looked from one to the other before giving up with a heavy sigh. Maeve could understand a little bit. Aaren was a doer, and doing nothing drove her insane. So Aaren went about the camp doing things she knew she could do, like stoke the fire, or go gather more fire wood. Considering the fire wood was already gathered, Aaren had to settle with stoking the fires. Maeve sat just adjacent to her frustrated friend.

“You’ll get there,” Maeve encouraged. Aaren pouted, but not as she did in the infirmary. No, she was happy to be out, she was just frustrated she was not at her best yet.

“I know…waiting is the hardest part,” Aaren muttered.

“It always is,” Maeve agreed. There was a relative silence. Some of the soldiers had turned in for the night while others were still moving about. Some were checking on the equipment, simple tasks. Others gossiped. Ian was busy taking care of Yakul for Aaren as she watched him. Masamune lay next to Aaren, as he always did. His head was on his paws and his eyes were closed. He must have tired himself out with all the chasing he had done today. 

“You doing okay?” Aaren asked. Maeve sighed.

“…I’m a bit nervous…but you already knew that or you wouldn’t be asking me,” she replied. Aaren remained silent. Every night, Aaren would ask the same thing. This was the first day that she received a straight answer from Maeve. Aaren worried for her friend. She’d be isolated, alone. Aaren had experienced similar things with her brief stay in the country of Japan, but that was only for three months. There were others, but they were mere friends…not best friends like Aaren and Maeve’s current relationship was. Aaren wondered if it might be too much for Maeve, when she was as skittish and anxious as she was.

“You’ll do fine, and you’ll catch the bad guy,” Aaren said with confidence. Maeve returned a smile. It was nice to hear Aaren support her. Ever since Haven, Aaren did her best to show her support in Maeve’s decision to go out onto the field, but there were sight hints of displeasure. It wasn’t that she hated Maeve going out there, it was out of friendly concern. Aaren, after all, tended to be the protector.

“You two should get some sleep,” Robin suggested as she straightened out her own bed roll. Aaren gave a nod in response. Maeve also nodded but moved to her own bed roll. She lay down and watched as Robin came over to check on Aaren’s arm. Maeve could see the worry on Aaren’s face even as Robin helped stretch it out. 

_You’ll heal, Aaren._ Maeve thought. She then rolled over and closed her eyes. Tomorrow they would arrive in Denerim, and that is when her mission would begin.

~

“Look! There it is!” Aaren shouted with excitement. Maeve looked up from her current notes to see a gigantic wall of stone and the awe inspiring towers that outlined Denerim. The high walls were a testament to its strength, and to show their recovery from the recent Blight. Everyone could see the rising town into the slight mountainside. The enormous castle must have been higher up, to look down upon the actual castle town. Aaren was in absolute awe, while Maeve was terrified. 

“Looks like they rebuilt very well,” Aaren commented in amazement.

“They did have ten years to rebuild,” Ian commented. Aaren turned to him.

“Considering all that happened within those ten years, I am still surprised,” she replied. It was true. They did not have the same technology and anything with this splendid architecture would have taken nearly ten years just to complete. Or at least, that is what Aaren guessed. She was no architect after all.

“I wonder how long it actually took to build Denerim to this point,” Aaren mused out loud.

“Sounds like your time in the infirmary strengthened your mind in exchange for a weaker strike,” Ian teased. Maeve thought that was uncalled for. Aaren was doing her best to recover. But Aaren did not seem detoured by the statement. 

“If you want to strike your enemy down, you must first know him,” Aaren said simply. “Or you can charge in and get struck down. Either way, I will use knowledge to my advantage.”

Robin chuckled a little bit. Ian was not one for books, nor did he have the same hungry thirst for knowledge as Aaren did. If Aaren could not strike her foe down with force alone, she would find some other way to do so. That much was evident in her escape from the infirmary. Ian gave Robin a harsh look but it did little to wipe the smug look on her face. They all knew who was still Captain, even if she did not have the physical strength for it yet.

“I bet there are a lot of shops,” Maeve commented. This arguing had to stop. It was driving her own nervousness and anxiety through the roof.

“Of course you would want to do shopping,” Aaren teased. She vaguely remembered when Blackwall asked for gift advice. Shopping was something that Maeve enjoyed, and from the rumours, that advice worked for him. Now Aaren could tease Maeve about it.

“Always,” Maeve said with a grin. “Girl’s gotta have her some nice clothes, jewelry.”

Aaren wanted to sigh. There was no proper way of teasing Maeve was there? Aside from teasing them on the relationship…but then Maeve would just turn that around and fire at Aaren. In the teasing war, it was most likely Maeve to come out on top.

Their horses walked further down the road. As they got closer, the well-traveled dirt road turned into a cobblestone one. The clicking of hooves echoed in the surrounding area. They just had to travel over a small little bridge over the tiniest of streams before they were at the main gates.

“You don’t like nice clothes and jewelry?” Finn then asked out of the blue. Aaren looked over her shoulder at the young scout. Maeve giggled.

“It’s not that she doesn’t like them, she just doesn’t know what to do with them,” Maeve said with a light tone of laughter. Aaren scowled at her friend.

“For one, if I could wear jewelry without my skin breaking out in painful rashes, I would,” Aaren groused. Maeve nodded in understanding but that left the rest of those who did not know about Aaren’s metal allergy confused.

“Aaren has a metal allergy, though, we really haven’t explored all the metals available to us here in Thedas,” Maeve pointed out.

“I’ll start experimenting once we are safe from Corypheus,” Aaren said firmly. No need to be frivolous when they had a war to fight against a magister who went mad and wants to become god of Thedas. 

“Is that why you wear high collared shirts all the time?” Finn asked. Aaren nodded. Robin crossed her arms in thought.

“I don’t see why you would have to worry about jewelry when you are too busy worried about restoring order,” Ian muttered. 

“Agreed,” Aaren said with a nod. There was no need to change her style, or even talk about it. They didn’t come here to shop, they came her to escort Maeve to the King and then return back to the Inquisition. Maeve would probably have all the time in the world to shop, and with the pay they got, she would probably have a cart full of things to bring back and decorate her room and closet. That is, if she had time between finding the rebels who were the cause of the unrest here in Denerim.

They walked through the front gates. The Guard greeted them with a salute and escorted them to the nearby holding area for their mounts. Aaren personally walked Yakul to his stall and Ian helped untack the giant beast. The stable master didn’t understand why the Captain of the Wolf Warriors would do this. Aaren didn’t feel the need to explain why. It just was. Masamune followed at her heel as they walked out of the stables and joined up with the others.

“This place if livelier than I thought it would be,” Finn said softly. Given the recent war, Aaren was not surprised. There must have been a surge of new arrivals who were seeking shelter in a world that had gone mad. But yes, it was far busier than Aaren imagined it would be. There was a buzz of conversations, and it echoed off the buildings to make it a little louder than normal. Peddlers and vendors called out to people to buy their wares because theirs was the best. Children ran and played with stray dogs in the streets while other men and women shopped and went about their everyday lives. This was the city life for the world of Thedas.

“Oh isn’t this shop just so cute?!” Maeve exclaimed. She’d forgotten the reason why they were here. Her feet took her to a cute little shop with dresses stitched in a Fereldan fashion. She enjoyed looking through it, conversing with the vendor about the different colors and various other questions. Aaren nearly sighed, but said nothing about it. Maeve had been a ball of nervousness and anxiety. In the days leading up to their arrival, Maeve had progressively become more and more quiet. This was the first day that she was back to her bubbly self. 

“Oh look, Aaren! This would look so cute on you,” Maeve commented. She held up a very emerald green dress. It was taller than Maeve herself, even as she held it up. The bodice looked a little small, skin tight to accentuate her torso should she wear it. There was a weaving gold pattern that outlined the neck line. It definitely came down low but not terribly so. At the waist was a matching belt that weaved itself all the way down to nearly the hem of the skirt. The arms had the same matching design on the forearm and billowed out as though they were ruffled kimono sleeves. Aaren was not sure why, but Maeve thought it would look good on her. The Captain gave a sight scowl.

“When would I ever wear that?” she called to Maeve.

“Certainly you do not have a beloved that would want to see you in such a fine gown?” the vendor tried to appeal to her. Of course he would. He was trying to make a living by selling his wares.

“Oh come on, it’s in your favorite color,” Maeve said as she draped the dress over her arms. Aaren scowled a little harder.

“Again, when would I ever wear that?” Aaren repeated. 

“The Commander might enjoy the sight of you in that,” Ian decided to stir the pot. He received a hard elbow to the gut, and groaned in reaction. Sadly, the elbow that hit him was not the lame one. Maeve pouted in defeat and turned to put the dress back. However, a hand placed itself on her shoulder. Maeve looked to see Robin and a full coin purse.

“Think of it as a surprise. I like the idea of getting our Captain to be just a little more feminine a hilarious notion,” the healer said. Maeve grinned at Robin and nodded. Both of them knew they would have to fine the right time to get her in this dress, hell they might even have one of Vivienne’s tailors to touch it up in the latest fashion. Robin handed over the coins for the dress and carried it away. Aaren rolled her eyes. 

“Not you too,” Aaren muttered. Robin gave a shrug.

“You’re not the only one that likes green,” the healer said. Maeve thought that was a nice cover. Aaren would not suspect a thing. The Captain even shook her head and began to walk in the direction of the castle. Maeve was then reminded of the reason they were there. A sinking feeling started to develop in her stomach and grew with each step they took. They met up with a small Guard escort that lead them to the gates of the castle proper. It was nearly like the one in Redcliffe but perhaps on a much bigger scale. The courtyard was far more elaborate, and there were servants and guards bustling everywhere.

“We’ll wait for you out here,” Robin said as. Finn stood back with Robin and gave a nod. Ian also agreed as did Aaren. There was no inherent need for them to follow Maeve all the way inside of the castle, but she knew that this was all just protocol. Ian and Aaren walked with Maeve up the steps where the Guards waited for them. They opened the doors to the castle and were escorted to the main hall. It was empty. No one on the throne to greet them, and no one in the hall save those that just walked in. 

“And the King’s not here,” Aaren muttered. 

“He should be here shortly,” one of the Guards said then left. They surely had other duties to attend to. Ian and Aaren exchanged looks of mild concern before they relaxed. Maeve on the other hand, retained that feeling of anxiety. Waiting around like this only seemed to make it worse. Ian was content to stand there, waiting as any good soldier would. Aaren took to wandering about the hall, admiring the different tapestries. Maeve was not exactly sure what to do other than stand there and look around for some sort of sign that the King was going to show up soon. There was then a sudden BANG as though a door slammed open. 

“Haha! I have your dolly!” a small voice shouted. The voice echoed off the walls in the hall. Ian snapped his head to where the voice came from, Aaren turned around as well. The patter of feet accompanied the small voice.

“Give that back, Gabriel!” a little girl’s voice said in reply. It sounded desperate and whiny, just as a child’s voice would be. A boy and a girl ran out into the open. The boy had short curly blonde hair. It was near identical to the stereotypical Greek statues. There was one simple braid with a few beads at the end of it that swung as he ran. His skin was a light in color and he looked human. In his hand was a little doll, one with a floral pattern dress and yarn hair. Chasing after the boy was a little girl. Her hair was a dark brown, braided up so that it lay neatly over one shoulder even as she ran after the boy. Her ears were pointed and obviously so. She was a darker tan, but her eyes were an emerald green. She wore a simple white dress, nothing fancy but it was still very cute. 

They ran around the hall for a little longer before the little girl tripped and fell. Aaren winced because it looked like it really hurt. By the looks of it, she might have tripped over the sandals she wore. 

“Give it back!” the girl shouted at the boy. Now he was just being cruel and bragging about having the doll.

“But I got it back from you first! Rules are rules!” The boy named Gabriel said with a boastful tone.

“But you cheated! You took her by force!” the girl whined. Aaren could hear the whimper in her voice. The children had her full attention and she watched them with great care. Gabriel’s face fell a little. The corners of his smile faded and his boastful nature seemed to fade away to slight concern. However, he did not give up the doll.

“Come on Nieves, don’t cry…fair is fair,” The boy said. His hand that held the doll dropped to his side. The soft sounds of crying echoed slightly in the huge hall. The boy looked away from the girl, Nieves. 

_Kids._ Aaren thought to herself. The girl got herself up and brushed off her dress. She looked defiantly at the boy. Her hand was out, in an obvious silent demand for the return of her doll. The boy refused to move from his current spot. 

“Fair is fair,” Gabriel repeated

“She’s my dolly!” Nieves snapped angrily. 

“Guys!” Aaren said with a loud voice. Ian, Maeve, and the two children were surprised by the boom that echoed with her word. Nieves looked over to Aaren while Gabriel seemed to shy a little behind his sister. Despite his bravado before, it appeared that he was shy to unknown people. Aaren then walked over to the both of them. Nieves looked up at her, craned her neck to do so. Aaren crouched down, so they would all be on the same level, and held out a hand for the return of the doll. Gabriel hesitated. 

“You really think taking your sister’s favorite doll from her is a nice thing?” Aaren asked the young boy. Gabriel looked away from Aaren, as a child who was caught doing something bad usually did. Without looking at Aaren, he heavily handed her the doll. Aaren then took the doll and straightened out the hair.

“She’s very cute,” Aaren said as she admired the little toy. “Does she have a name?”

The question was directed to the little girl. Nieves looked at Aaren with those wide emerald eyes. There were tears that still streamed down her face. 

“Um…Rosey,” Nieves replied. Aaren nodded and gave a confident smile.

“That’s a very pretty name,” she said and then carefully handed the doll to Nieves as though she were handing over a small baby. The little girl then took the doll and held it in her arms just as a mother would to a small baby. Aaren still retained that smile and looked over to the boy, Gabriel.

“It’s not nice to make others cry,” Aaren said gently. Gabriel pouted at her.

“But the rule of Steal is we get to keep it for a day!” he argued. Whatever game this was; it was obvious that Aaren did not know about it. 

“But you cheated! You just took her from me!” Nieves whined. Aaren closed her eyes and waited for the two of them to recognize that she was not talking any more. When silence was achieved, Aaren opened her eyes and gave a small sigh.

“Making your sister cry, isn’t very nice of you,” Aaren said firmly to Gabriel. The boy scowled at Aaren. Nieves seemed to warm up to her but only because Aaren was defending her.

“But if you must play this game, might I suggest choosing something that won’t make either of you angry?” Aaren suggested. The two children looked at each other. At least for now they would think on in. If Aaren knew anything about siblings, it is that they liked to torment one another. But when they came together, all hell would break loose inside any house hold.

“What about Pa’s hat?” Gabriel then said to Nieves

“Pa would know we got it,” Nieves said in their father’s defense. The two kids then had a sparkle in their eyes. 

“Let’s do it.” 

They both giggled at the idea. Aaren was happy to at least calm this dispute. She was never one for crying children, unless she knew the children well enough to ignore them when they were crying crocodile tears. 

“You wouldn’t happen to be teaching my children bad habits now, would you?” a voice with a distinct Spanish like accent. Aaren looked over her shoulder to see a well-dressed elf with his arms crossed and a smile across his face. His hair was brushed neatly back into what appeared to be a neat ponytail. There were small braids at his temples that braided all the way around his head. The rest of his hair neatly fell behind his shoulders. He was just as tan as the little girl, but his eyes were hazel, and accented with a tattoo next to his left eye. It was a sweeping motion, almost like the kanji for river if you let the ink flow down his cheek. 

“No way,” Aaren said in awe. Maeve and Ian both walked over. Ian looked like he was ready to strike. He could have hidden it had Maeve not caught the slight motion of his hand as it moved down to grip the hilt of his sword. 

“Pa!” both children exclaimed with love. They ran over to his side and beamed a smile up at him. The elf looked down at the children and returned the smile. The Nieves was still small enough to pick up while Gabriel received a loving pat on the top of his head. Maeve looked from Aaren, who was completely stunned, and then to the new arrival.

“You can’t possibly tell me that you know more people that I do,” Maeve said. Maeve was the spy; she was the one that knew more people than Aaren. Her friend looked at Maeve with an incredulous look.

“You can’t possibly not know who this person is,” Aaren retorted. Oh ha ha, good one. They were supposed to meet the king, and Maeve knew for a fact that he was not an elf. The reports would have said so.

“This man is the famous Zevran Arainai. _The_ Zevran Arainai! The assassin who has evaded _the_ Crows and helped the Hero of Ferelden!” Aaren about exclaimed. Half of her voice sounded like it was forced to go silent halfway through her explanation. Maeve had heard that name before. He was the only one to actually escape the famous, or rather infamous, Antivan Crows and make a living without them. The Crows had a rather unfortunate reputation of killing anyone who did not succeed. Zevran was one of those who had failed to kill a contract and defied everything in order to survive. But that was about all that Maeve knew about this “Zevran.”

“Or infamous in some circles,” the elf said with a light shrug. He then turned to Aaren to speak with her. The woman had stood up and straightened her armour out of habit.

“Am I to assume that you are the Maeve Herrschaft that will be staying with us?” Zevran asked politely. Aaren froze for a second and then a wicked grin appeared on her face. Ian had to hide his amusement behind a gloved hand while Maeve stood there is a slightly seething rage. How is it everyone knew everyone but did not know her? Honestly, did they not get a report or letter?

“I fail to see what is so amusing, and I like to think of myself as a pretty amusing guy,” Zevran then said. Aaren couldn’t help but continue to grin.

“I’m Aaren Ruskin, Captain of the Wolf Warriors and employed by the Inquisition,” Aaren introduced formally. “Maeve Herrschaff is the woman behind you. I’ve been tasked with escorting her to the King of Ferelden.”

“ _The_ Captain of the Wolf Warriors?” Gabriel said with a little awe. No longer was he the shy boy that hide behind his younger sister, or held onto his father’s pant leg. The look of meeting one’s idol replaced that sense of nervousness and shyness. Aaren gave a wink to him.

“I thought the Captain’s name was Haruko,” Zevran then said. If they were going to play the name game, why not join in. Aaren gave a light half shrug. 

“Haruko was my nickname for a short time…I wanted to reclaim my real one,” she explained. There was no need to go into great detail as to why. It was a moment when she thought she might not survive a very horrific encounter with a deadly arrow. Nothing more nothing less. Zevran seemed to accept such a simple explanation. He then turned to Maeve.

“Then allow me to apologize, Maeve Herrschaft, I only just arrived a week ago myself,” he said. Maeve looked a little confused. What had that have to do with any of this?

“I was out travelling, seeing all that Thedas had to offer,” Zevran started to explain.

“Or that would be a fancy way of saying you were running away from the Crows,” Aaren interjected. Zevran couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You, my wonderful woman, are very cunning,” Zevran said with laughter in his tone. Maeve could see Aaren visibly tense at the wording. Ian looked down at Maeve and their eyes met. They were well aware of the relationship she had with Cullen, and how well she took to pet names like that.

“Considering you have two children that call you “Pa” I would be careful how you use the words “my” and “woman” in the same sentence,” she carefully warned through a faked smile. Ian blew out a low whistle while Zevran seemed to be taken aback. Maeve couldn’t help but grin. Had Zevran gotten a chance to know Aaren first, she might have let it slide, but now he would be walking on eggshells.

“But yes, I was running from the Crows for a time. Then I received a letter requesting my aid, and here I am,” Zevran finished his explanation.

“So you are here to help out the King as well?” Maeve asked. Aaren was the one to drop her anger quickly and rub her face with disbelief and exasperation.

“You could say the King and I are old acquaintances,” Zevran said with a light chuckle. That’s right! The King was a veteran of the Fifth Blight. If Zevran also helped the Hero of Ferelden, then they must have worked together at some point. It must have been a relatively small world should three of several warriors to fight at the Hero of Ferelden’s side were adding the king.

“Aaren, if I was looking for a history lesson…” Maeve started to say to her friend.

“Honestly, Maeve, I know you’d be bored with me before I even got to the good parts,” Aaren pointed out. It might have seemed like they were truly arguing, but that was not the case. Maeve rolled her eyes while Aaren gave a grin. Then Maeve turned to Zevran once more.

“Do you know more about the situation here? There was little in the reports for fear that someone would intercept them,” Maeve asked. Zevran chuckled and put Nieves down.

“Why don’t you see what your mother is up to,” he suggested. 

“But Pa,” Gabriel was the one to complain. His idol was in the same room; why would he want to leave now? Nieves would follow his older brother, as most siblings usually did. 

“Gabriel,” Aaren gave a small warning. The little boy turned to her, waiting for her to side with him but she did not.

“Listen to your father,” she said gently. There was no reason to undermine his authority. The boy looked disappointed, and reluctantly took Nieves’ hand and walked out of the huge hall they stood in. Zevran straightened up and gave a small wistful sigh.

“I swear they get their stubbornness from their mother,” he said. His tone was one of jokes and adoration. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that the infamous Zevran Arainai would ever settle down. Books and history often left out important minor facts. After all, the people in history were ordinary people who could do extraordinary things.

“But to answer your question, my fair lady, yes. I’ve carefully watched the situation from afar, but Alistair has had a moment to explain what is going on,” he continued.

“Other than the fact that there are those who would want to see the King out on his ass, or worse?” Aaren muttered. Ian shot Aaren a look and she gave a small shrug.

“I’m afraid they would want to do the far worse things,” Zevran answered. Well that wasn’t good. But such was the nature of politics, was it not? Maeve and Aaren both shared the obvious dislike of politics and for those who would use it for personal gain over the wellbeing of the less fortunate. Maeve, however, did not mind a bit of subterfuge and assassination in order to protect those who could not help themselves.

“Which is why the King asked for aid from the Inquisition,” Maeve then commented. 

“It is possible. But I would believe Alistair would have reached out to a fellow comrade rather than ask for help from the Inquisition formally,” Zevran commented. He crossed his arms and looked thoughtful. “He might have come into his position, but there are old habits that have a tendency to die hard.”

Aaren felt that it was better to call on friends that you can trust rather than leave it up to someone you knew nothing about. Sadly, Maeve would be in that position, but Leliana had put so much faith in Maeve. Hopefully, the King would be okay with that if he was calling on his personal friends to help with this situation.

“Don’t I know that,” Maeve said with annoyance in her tone and a stern look over to Aaren. Aaren looked surprised and taken aback.

“Hey,” Aaren said out of reaction. It didn’t help that Ian was chuckling.

“Oh do you have a history?” Zevran asked. Either he was being oblivious on purpose or he wasn’t as sharp as the stories told. Maeve was the one to take this out of proportion.

“History? We’re married,” Maeve teased. Zevran had a look of surprise.

“Congratulation, how long have you two been married?” he asked. Aaren’s jaw nearly fell on the floor while Ian roared with laughter. Maeve however, grinned widely. To anyone else who knew them, this was a hilarious joke, but no one outside their friendship circle would know this was a joke.

“Oh it’s been…I dunno, five years or so?” Maeve continued. By this time, Aaren had recovered and gained a rather defiant scowl.

“Like you’d remember, we don’t have a yearly celebration as we should,” Aaren replied in kind. 

“Only because _you_ happen to be too busy to celebrate with me,” Maeve continued. 

“Oh, excuse me if the sky happens to be falling and a madman has aspiration of godhood,” Aaren snapped. Ian was howling. Aaren had never seen him laugh so hard, but the look of confusion on Zevran’s face was also priceless. Maeve and Aaren couldn’t keep up the charade much longer and smiles broke out on either face. Eventually it grew into friendly laughter. Zevran was the only one not laughing.

“Pardon me for asking, but I feel as though I have missed the joke somewhere,” he said. Aaren giggled and gave a small nod.

“It’s a friendly joke, merely to express that we are rather good friends,” Aaren lightly explained. Maeve nodded with Aaren.

“Yeah, I doubt that Cull- I mean the Commander would look kindly on another person invading on your relationship,” Maeve then said. “He doesn’t look like the type to _share._ ”

Aaren’s face went beat red. Maeve was well aware that Aaren had the unfortunate or fortunate mistake of walking into her room when the Iron Bull was _visiting._ Maeve and the Iron Bull have not let her live that down. Ian, who had slightly recovered from his own laughter, tried to hold back more. Their captain was all too bashful about such things, as was the Commander, and it was hilarious to see their usually passionate captain turned into a wallflower. 

“Ah, I gathered you two might have been at least friends,” Zevran said with a nod. “Though in my history, sometimes friends _shared_ more than just simple companionship.”

Aaren rolled her eyes. Ian’s laughter quickly abated and his postured turned to one of awkwardness, nearly identical to that of Aaren’s. Maeve was not exactly surprised, though Ian had not shown any particular interest in romance. At least not publicly.

“True, but Aaren here is far too straight for that,” Maeve teased. Aaren stiffened and then gave a slight growl of disgust. It nearly matched Cassandra’s. Maeve could not help but tease her friend with such matters. This was, after all, pay back for all the history nonsense.

“Are we seriously talking about this?” Ian looked to Aaren. The woman said nothing, did nothing. 

“It’s a good thing you left Masamune outside, otherwise I’d be worried you might sick him on us,” Maeve said with laughter in her tone. Aaren scowled at Maeve. She had to remind herself that she was here to see Maeve off, and that job would end when the King arrived. No sooner and no later. But this tease of her own romantic life was testing her ocean of patience. 

“Is your friend to stay with us and see this through to the end? Quite generous of the Inquisition to send such lovely ladies to assist,” Zevran commented.

“The Inquisition has only sent the Wolf Warriors to escort Lady Herrschaft,” Ian said. It was possible he was getting to uncomfortable with the conversation at hand. Or it was also possible that he felt that it was rather rude to continue to tease Aaren about her love life. Either way, Aaren was grateful for the break.

“Spoil sport,” Maeve muttered. 

“Ah, I see. Then please thank the Inquisition for being so thoughtful as to send an armed escort,” Zevran said politely. 

“We will, once the King has arrived,” Aaren then said. Maeve knew that Aaren was only following orders because she wanted more chances to get out of Skyhold. That and Aaren happened to enjoy meeting people who played big parts in history. 

“Sorry I’m late, kingly things and all that,” a voice said. There was a small click of a door that followed behind the voice as well as a pair of footsteps. 

“Let me introduce to you to His Royal Highness, King Alistair,” Zevran introduced. Aaren and Maeve turned to see that it was _the_ King Alistair. He wore on his head a single circlet. His clothes looked well-kept, near fancy. The colors were a combination of reds and browns that seemed to blend into one another. His hair was short and blonde, and styled as though the slight bangs he did have had a slight spike to them in the front. Aaren gave her usual bow that she had learned while living in Japan, and Maeve gave an Inquisition salute. Neither one knew exactly how to behave in front of real royalty

“Your Highness, I was charged with escorting Maeve to you. Since that mission has been fulfilled, I must return to my duties,” Aaren said formally. She’d given into her nervousness. There was nothing in the books about how the King’s personality was. They might have mentioned he was a man of the people, but that meant little in real life or behind closed doors.

“How very formal Aaren,” Maeve teased. Aaren could hear the roll of her eyes.

“Just trying to do my job,” Aaren said in a slight hiss. “I’m sure that someone will get word to Cul-The Commander and I’ll never have this opportunity again.”

“I don’t believe I have even met a soldier who has never seen the Royalty to run out so quickly,” King Alistair said with a laugh. The laugh was welcoming. It made both Aaren and Maeve feel more at ease. However, the title of “King” still demanded a certain level of respect, or at least…that is how Haruko felt.

“With all due respect, Your Highness-“ Aaren started to explain but King Alistair held up a hand. Her words halted. Maeve would have to at least tease Cullen that Aaren listened to the King far more than his orders.

“Please, just call me Alistair,” he said with a hearty chuckle. “I may have been in this castle for the last ten years, but I still cannot get used to being called by stuffy titles.”

If that is what Alistair wished, then so be it. Should they grow to be friends, Aaren would have dropped the titles anyway. She’d done so in her job, just so that everyone was friendly and knew that she was still a person behind the so called title. Perhaps that is what most kings secretly wished.

“With all due respect, Alistair, the Commander-“ Aaren started before Maeve interrupted.

“She’s just here so that she doesn’t fight everyone in Skyhold to come out here and do her job,” Maeve said. Aaren glared at Maeve for a moment. Sure, what she said was true but did she have to put it like that?

“Fight everyone in Skyhold?” Alistair repeated with a confused tone. Aaren sighed and silence prolonged itself. 

“If I am not mistaken, you were injured a few months ago,” Zevran spoke up. “From what I heard, you shouldn’t even be standing.”

“You’re Captain Haruko of the famed Wolf Warriors?” King Alistair asked in awe. “Leliana said that you narrowly escaped death.”

“It’s Aaren now, not Haruko,” Aaren corrected gently. “But yes, I really should have died. However, I’m here now, and I am not going to let some arrow to the shoulder stop me from saving the world from idiots that want to destroy it.”

“Trust me, there are plenty of people out there besides this Corypheus that would rather the world burn,” Alistair said with a serious tone. There was a bitterness, a near hatred that Aaren understood. She nodded and gave a small pat on Maeve’s shoulder.

“Don’t go and talk to any strangers, and look both ways before you cross any streets,” Aaren said in jest. Maeve rolled her eyes at Aaren. Ian was the one to give a formal salute while Aaren gave a friendly wave to the King. King Alistair gave her the same familiar wave and watched as the two disappeared beyond the doors to the castle.

~

“And this will be your room,” Zevran said at the end of their tour of the castle. Maeve’s mind was a whirl with all the new information. This castle was, quite frankly, more elaborate than she originally anticipated. Most estates were easier to follow than the inner workings of this castle. No doubt she was going to get lost in here a few times before she memorized each hall and room. 

“Feel free to ask any of the guards for help should you get lost,” Zevran teased a little. “And if there is anything you need…”

“I’ll make sure to call on you,” Maeve said with a grin. There was a little glint in Zevran’s eyes. Both of them understood what sort of silent offer was being exchanged between them, and Maeve liked where this was going. It would be a nice distraction from all the anxiety and tension within these walls. If only Blackwall was allowed to come with her…perhaps she shouldn’t, not when Blackwall waited for her to come home.

“You’re a dangerous woman, Maeve Herrschaft,” Zevran said. He did not show whether or not he wanted such an offer. He had a wonderful poker face. 

“Perhaps I do,” Maeve challenged. “But it also depends on who is offering and the delivery.”

“I guess that depends on the sort of offer,” he replied. Maeve got tha familiar smirk. Zevran was good looking, she’ll admit. But she was already seeing someone. She’d already had to gently decline to Sera and Bull’s recent advances on the sake of Blackwall being the love of her life. The guilt might as well as kill her if the anxiety did not.

“I don’t believe you formally made the offer,” Maeve replied. There was nothing wrong with words. Zevran chuckled. His mouth opened but he could not get his words out.

“As lovely as she may be, do you think she would be better in bed than I?” a voice came from behind Zevran. He looked behind him to see a woman in oddly familiar clothing. She wore a simple blue button up collared shirt and a pair of worn jeans that look like they had seen better days. Her feet were clad in leather combat boots that were neatly lace up to her knees. They were also faded and worn. Maeve looked to Zevran and saw the look of love and adoration. It was he who crossed the threshold of the hall and gave the mystery woman a _very_ thorough kiss. 

“Of course not, is that not the reason I married you?” Zevran said in an enticingly low voice. The woman’s hair was braided off to the side, very similar to Nieves’. It was the same dark brown as well. The woman smiled down at the elf, as she was just a little bit taller than him.

“That’s good, I was beginning to wonder if I had not found enough ways to keep you satisfied,” the woman said with a seductive grin on her face. Oh this was nearly as hard to watch as Aaren and Cullen’s romance was. It was obvious these two were obnoxiously in love with one another and it was clear they didn’t care who was present when they seduced one another.

“Erykah, there is nothing else that you could possibly do to not keep me content,” Zevran commented. “But we do have guests and I must make sure they are happy here, King Alistair’s orders.”

“If you must, but I suppose that means I would be alone for a night,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “But if Alistair ordered you to keep our guests content then it cannot be helped.”

“I will be there in a few moments,” Zevran said with a smile. Erykah then gave him a loving kiss on his forehead. With that the woman turned and walked down the hall. That left Zevran and Maeve in an awkward silence.

“That was your wife I take it?” Maeve asked after a time.

“Isn’t she a beautiful woman?” he asked. The elf did not so much as look at Maeve. He was completely enamored with Erykah. There was no room for anyone else, which meant their earlier conversation was likely just flirtatious talk. 

“Haha, she was beautiful, I can see why you love her,” Maeve complimented out of the sake of being polite.

“Truly, but it is not just looks that captured my heart. But that is a conversation best spoken when we have time,” Zevran replied. “For now, let us get you settled in comfortably.”

Maeve nodded. Zevran then left so that Maeve might put her things in order in her new room. This mission was going to be a stressful one. Not because the people that she was working with were irritating, but because she was to be alone. Already she could feel the press of anxiety and dark thoughts against her mind. She set her things down and reached for her pocket. From it she brought forth a small bottle, the potion that helped keep her nerves calm and the anxiety from drowning her. The liquid past her lips and down her throat. It was soothing, relieving and it almost instantly calmed her nerves. This was just the beginning, and Maeve had no idea where this would lead.


	31. My Word is My Bond

The trip back from Denerim was relatively boring. There were hardly any bandits, or if there were, Ian and the rest of the Wolf Warriors were able to fend them off. Aaren was forced into taking a defensive position the one time they saw any action. They would not see their newly healed captain injured once again. That and Cullen gave them explicit orders to make sure she was safe. Aaren could tell that they took that order quite seriously. Every time she rolled her shoulder, or even tried to massage the ever present ache of use away, Robin would be at her side to stretch it out or to ask if Aaren was okay. Honestly, they didn’t need to play mother hen.

“Is your shoulder bothering you again?” Finn asked. Aaren looked over to the young boy. Finn might have been the youngest in the Wolf Warriors. Aaren guessed that he might be in his late teens, perhaps early twenties if not twenty right on the dot. He was naïve most of the time, which warranted a lot of teasing from the rest of the group. 

“No more than usual,” Aaren answered honestly. She’d rolled her shoulder, again, and tried to ignore the ache. She’d tried to do her exercises while they rode, as there was little else to do, and sometimes she thought she might have over done it. But what worried her was her apparent lack in range of motion. Her sword arm needed to be in top form. She could barely hold her arm out level and forget about trying to reach above her. Damn that Templar…being hit with the arrow right in her joint was more detrimental than originally anticipated. Sadly, Aaren was pretty sure everyone thought she might not swing her sword right again. That doubt would forever play in their minds, even if she proved them wrong.

“Does it hurt? You keep gripping it and rolling it,” Finn then pointed out. Aaren gave a heavy sigh.

“The only reason it hurts is because she pushes it to its limits,” Ian teased. For once, Aaren was grateful for that. The teasing actually took her focus away from the worry of it healing and on to things that she knew she could control.

“How else am I supposed to get better?” she asked her second in command.

“Perhaps resting every now and then?” Ian suggested. Aaren gave a snort. Poor Finn was completely at a loss. He knew the two were teasing each other, but sometimes their arguments seemed too serious.

“My strength will not come back by doing _nothing_ ,” she reminded.

“And overdoing it will only push your recovery back further,” Robin joined in. Aaren rolled her eyes. Of course they would team up. Why wouldn’t they? They argued and bantered back and forth, even as they walked through the gates of Skyhold. Their voices echoed off the stones, and their laughter roared even as they dismounted. They then walked to the stables and took care of their mounts. Aaren thought it was good to learn to respect their horses. Each person helped to untack their horse and put their gear away neatly. It also helped out the horse master when he had busy days. Sadly, Aaren had to continue to be stubborn.

She could untie the girth of the saddle, and undo the belts with little issue. It was reaching up and pulling the saddle and blanket off properly that always gave her trouble. Reason number one being that her right arm would not raise up to grip the saddle. Reason number two was it could not handle that weight quite yet. 

_I have to try_ Aaren thought through the pain as she reached up once more. Her arm stopped just barely above the stirrup. Aaren gritted her teeth and moved just a bit further, to touch the middle of the fender just so she could push her limit, but the pain was blinding before she could get to that point. A hand covered hers and Aaren stopped in her tracks.

“You always overdo it,” Cullen’s voice whispered to her. Aaren could feel the embarrassment take over and she looked away from him. Not that she was looking at him in the first place. No one laughed, no one so much as even spoke a word as the Commander took the saddle down from Yakul’s back. 

“Can you blame me?” Aaren nearly growled out. She tried to be civil, as her frustration was not towards anyone in particular. That frustration was aimed at her own weakness, and her inability to do the things she normally did. Anyone in her position might feel the same way. There was a soft chuckle from the Commander as he set the saddle down on the rack closest to them.

“Hardly. You are the hardest working captain in the entire Inquisition army,” he pointed out. None of the soldiers in the area argued with that. Aaren was infamous for working until the job was finished. If it wasn’t, she worked well into the night. Her passion for helping people and solving problems no one else could have added to her work ethic. The rest of the Wolf Warriors finished their work and left the stables. That left Cullen and Aaren alone. Even they were aware of their captain’s and the Commander’s relationship and how little time they spent together.

“How is your shoulder?” Cullen asked Aaren. She looked over at him and saw the slight worry in his face. He knew. He was well aware of how much Aaren was working to gain her range of motion, even if it seemed like it was not healing properly. Aaren gave a wry half smile.

“Oh you know…” Aaren murmured. Yakul snorted and covered her irritation and perhaps her words. Cullen gave a small sigh as he watched Aaren lead Yakul to his stable. He was worried, but not because she might not be able to fight. If anything he believed that Aaren would push through this and show that there was nothing that would stop her, not even death. What he worried was her spirit was wearing down because she was not improving. He’d seen the despondent looks she had when she trained, the pain from her constant therapy. The healers said she was healing, but she might have pain for the rest of her life. Aaren was not a person to let that stop her, nor was it something that she would allow to stop her…at least that is what he believed.

“Maybe you shouldn't taunt death so readily next time,” Cullen then said to tease her. He watched as Aaren looked back at him. There was the smile, the slight giggle as she turned words in her head in order to tease him back.

“But I like laughing in the face of death,” Aaren said with a grin that grew into that familiar defiant smile. If she could still smile at him like that, tease him like that, there was nothing to worry about. It was when she did not laugh with him, tease him, that Cullen would truly become worried. This trip was something he wanted to give her, to at least give her some confidence that she was on the road to recovery, even if it constantly presented the frustrations with healing.

“Leliana’s agents tell me that you completed your mission,” Cullen then said. Aaren did not look at all surprised.

“I followed orders like a good little girl,” Aaren said sarcastically. Cullen could not help but smile at her.

“If only you would follow orders all the time,” Cullen teased back. There was that look. The one that she gave when he knew she would never truly follow his orders to the letter. He knew that she only followed them this time so she might go out more. Then the laughter disappeared with one motion. Aaren rolled her shoulder once and place a hand over it. There was the pain that settled in, and Cullen walked up to her. 

“You’re wound bothering you?” Cullen asked quietly. Aaren did not meet his gaze. He was the one that took her hand from her shoulder and held it out. There were nights when he would help her with her stretches, if not to have some sort of excuse to spend more time with her. Slowly, he lifted up in the air. He watched her face, waited for that slight twitch of pain. The furrow of her eyebrows, that was all he needed to see to know she as in pain. He did not even get to half way before he saw it.

“The other Wolves have said that I over did it today,” Aaren admitted softly. Cullen gave a small sigh. Of course she did overdo it. Gently, Cullen lowered her arm down. Without questioning it, he took out a single strip of cloth and tied it so that it would hold Aaren’s arm. Aaren did not fight him, not when it hurt to just have it hang there. 

“Let’s at least get you something to eat,” he said. Aaren let her arm sit comfortably in the crude sling. It was nothing like the braces she had seen in her world, but at least it helped keep the weight off her shoulder. They walked together to the tavern and found themselves a table. The Iron Bull was missing, perhaps he found yet another tavern maid to _enjoy_ a bit of company. They found an empty table and Cullen asked for drinks. Aaren had to make certain she was getting a water and not alcohol. Last time she did not make the difference she had to hand her drink to someone else, as she was not going to drink until she was healed enough to do so. 

“Did you enjoy your time outside Skyhold?” Cullen asked. Aaren nodded with excitement. Maker, he would never get tired of seeing that spark of excitement flash in her eyes.

“You have no idea. I know I’ve been through the Hinterlands before, but actually seeing Denerim and all of its architectural glory was something else,” Aaren said with a big grin on her face. “To see it so alive and well recovered from a horrible attack from an Archdemon was incredible. I expected to see scaring.”

“Did you now?” Cullen asked with a chuckle. Aaren got that scowl on her face whenever someone questioned her thoughts. Hopefully this conversation would be a great distraction from her current pain.

“Considering your building technology is far behind what we have in my world, yes, I did expect to see some towers collapsed or some places still under construction,” Aaren replied. “Even if I do consider the possibility of magic, there is still a lot of time to gather all the needed resources.”

“Sadly, I doubt they enlisted the help of mages…at least during that time...” Cullen said softly.

“Considering what happened in the Circle Tower before they fought the Archdemon, I’d believe that,” Aaren said. Cullen had to remind himself that Aaren knew little about his experience in that particular tower. He had not spoken about it, not made it exactly public that he was there during that time, nor did she ask him if he was there. Why would she? The past was the past, no need to talk about it if there were no questions about it.

Yet Aaren noticed how quiet and distant Cullen became as soon as she mentioned the Circle. It was near the same reaction she got whenever she spoke of her past abuser, and the horrible things that happened during that time. Well…she was more open to talking about it now than she had been in the past, but she would always get quiet afterward. Did he have some personal feelings towards what happened? She knew that he was a Templar, and the stories of how the Circle fell during that time were not exactly secret. Cullen even worked well with the new alliance with the Mages and tried to honor it as best he could without his prejudices getting in the way. Aaren and Cullen’s eyes met and he was the one to sigh in response.

“I was…I was in the Fereldan Tower during the Fifth Blight,” he informed. Aaren’s eyes widened with surprise. Then she felt extremely guilty. What happened in that tower was horrible. Abominations ran amok and killed many people before the Hero of Ferelden stepped in and saved them. A man named Ulred succumbed to possession, and then, with his newly twisted mind, tried to make every mage in that tower just as possessed. As far as Aaren could understand it, it was a nightmare come to life…and she could not even come close to understanding the emotions of that time.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” she apologized softly. There was an awkward silence that fell between them. They did not speak so much as just try to ignore the heavy atmosphere that surrounded them.

“I did get to see a lot of the Castle Town,” Aaren then said as plates of food were set in front of them. “Maeve wanted to go shopping.”

“So I hear,” Cullen said, seemingly distracted.

“She wanted to get me to buy this emerald green dress,” Aaren said then wrinkled her face with displeasure.

“As if I’d get into a dress. We’re in the middle of a war. I have no time to even wear frilly things,” she said with a slight wave of her hand. That seemed to snap Cullen out of his stupor.

“You in a dress? I wouldn’t mind seeing that,” he teased. Aaren scoffed at him.

“Of course you would…men,” Aaren grumbled. Cullen chuckled at her and they continued their conversation over Aaren’s adventure to Denerim without any more mention of the Circle.

~

Aaren woke up in her usual bed. The sun poured in from the usual window and spilled over her bed. No scent of medicine or herbs. No sound of soft groans of pain. Sweet silence, or the occasional tweet of a bird. A smile played across Aaren’s face as she slowly woke up from her slumber. It was nice to wake up in her own bed. She rolled over and found her face placed into a bunch of fur.

“Augh! Pft, pft! Masamune!” Aaren shouted with a laugh. Masamune wagged his tail, and turned to give Aaren’s face a good bath. Aaren laughed loudly, and shoved at Masamune playfully with her left hand. The wolf didn’t stop until Aaren sat up fully. That is when he jumped down from the bed and trotted two steps from the bed. There he sat and waited patiently for his pack mate to get up. 

Aaren could feel that familiar ache of travel all throughout her body. But her shoulder gave her the most trouble in the morning. Some simple stretches to warm it up and she was usually fine for the rest of the day. However, Cullen had made sure that today she would rest. After having to put her arm back into a sling, who could blame him for making such a call. With one final stretch, and a morning groan, Aaren got up from her bed and padded over to her clothes. They were thrown carelessly over a chair, as they usually were. She took her shirt off, and her eyes glanced at the mirror over in the corner. 

Aaren definitely shed the weight of a college student and sculpted into a warrior. Her arms were well defined, perhaps a little less so considering she had been out of practice for so long, but still more than she had ever seen before. Aaren turned to look at herself fully and see the scar that marred her body. The one shot that punctured her chest, the one that should have killed her. Her fingers grazed over the raised skin of the scar. Magic may have healed it, but it could not take away the evidence. Aaren was okay with that. At least she would have a story to tell should anyone see this. She let out a huge sigh. If anyone was going to see her like that, she hoped it would be Cullen…considering he was the only man she might consider taking her clothes off for. Blush formed on her face as that thought crossed her mind.

“What am I thinking? It is far too early for that,” she reprimanded herself and covered herself as quickly as she could. Masamune tilted his head at his pack mate. Aaren could only wonder if the wolf understood her feelings or just merely was curious as to why she was suddenly embarrassed. She gave him a little scowl.

“You’re lucky…things in the animal world seem so much simpler…” she muttered at him. Masamune tilted his head again at her. 

“Yeah…I thought so too…” Aaren muttered. A small flicker of parchment caught her eye. The window to her room was open, as the weather was fair enough to so, and a gentle breeze blew into the room. On her mirror, stuck in the frame, was a single piece of paper that fluttered in the morning breeze. Aaren walked closer to the mirror and plucked the paper free. Her thumb separated the folded paper and opened it up.

Look to where Red roams

“What?” Aaren said with the most confused look on her face. What sort of message was this? She flipped the paper over to see if there was any other clue only to find there was none. What on earth could this mean? Look to where Red roams? Aaren gave a sigh and placed the paper down on the adjacent desk. Perhaps someone else could figure this out, and maybe she might have a chat with Leliana to see who was leaving notes in her room while she was asleep.

Aaren proceeded to finish getting dressed. She got on a dark green tunic, beige pants, and brown boots. She smiled because she thought she looked like the hero from Legend of Zelda. The main hero was a man named Link, and he always wore a green tunic of sorts with brown boots. It made her feel more like a hero, which was all that mattered to her. With her clothes on, Aaren took up the piece of paper again and slowly walked out of her room. Masamune nearly bolted out of the room and down the hall. That left Aaren to contemplate what this note meant.

_Look to where Red roams._ Why would “Red” be capital? Either this person forgot how to write or it was a riddle. The only other work capitalized was “Look” but it was at the start of the sentence. Grammatically correct as it were. “Red” was the only clue here. Sadly, Aaren was not sure what it meant. If it was drawing attention to the meaning, “Red” could be a number of things. 

“Morning Wolf,” Varric said. Aaren snapped out of her thoughts and noticed that her feet took her down the familiar path through the Great Hall to get outside. Obviously her legs knew exactly where to take her should her mind be preoccupied with other things.

“Morning Varric,” Aaren said back. 

“You sound distracted. Did someone give you a love note?” he asked. Aaren realized she still held the note up in front of her. Half of her wished it was a love note, then she would not be so confused and caught up in what this could possibly be.

“Honestly, I wish it was,” she admitted. Varric chuckled a bit.

“Coming from you, I’d say that note has some cryptic words,” he said. Aaren then handed him the piece of paper. Varric’s smile then slowly disappeared as he read the little note.

“What sort of nonsense is this?” he asked. Aaren gave a small shrug in response. If she knew, she wouldn’t be so confused.

“My guess it’s a riddle. And I have to figure it out…but the only thing I can figure out is that the word “red” is important…it’s capitalized,” Aaren pointed out with the added help of a finger.

“It could mean a name,” Varric suggested. Aaren frowned. The only person she knew with that name was the Iron Bull’s nickname for Leliana. He made no secret of hiding his preference for redheads. 

“I mean…if it was a name, I would not use the word “roam” with it,” Aaren said. “That word implies that they might be an…animal……Red…Red Hart…Yakul.”

That was the thing about Aaren. She usually figured out problems by talking about them out loud to someone. Varric handed her the piece of paper with his grin renewed and she took it from him without saying a word. She hurried down the steps with Masamune right beside her. 

“Morning, Wolf!” someone called. Aaren’s head shot up and looked to see who called out to her. Much to her dislike of her new nickname, she often times responded to it. The one who called out to her was Krem. It looked like he was in the middle of training with the Iron Bull and did not see the blasting shield bash that knocked him down to the ground. Aaren couldn’t help but snicker as she watched Krem look back at the Iron Bull, dazed.

“Come on, Krem! Pay Attention! You can chat with the ladies after,” Bull scolded him. Aaren’s snickers turned into laughter.

“No offense, Chief, but Wolf happens to be taken,” Krem commented as he staggered to his feet. Aaren couldn’t help but grin. Yes, she was taken, happily so. She gave a small wave to the two and then turned her attention back to the task at hand. Masamune lead her down to the stables, where the note might suggest she look. 

“Isn’t your day off?” a soldier asked her as she walked by.

“Doesn’t mean that I can’t visit Yakul,” Aaren replied over her shoulder. The person laughed and went about their business. Aaren went to the stables and saw her mount grazing lazily with Urajak in the distance. The two didn’t so much as even notice as Aaren walked up. Masamune darted under the fence and ran out to greet them. Yakul lifted his head just enough to sniff Masamune then go back to grazing. Aaren leaned on the fence posts and looked around the pastures.

What exactly was she supposed to look for. The note probably directed her here, but there was nothing to suggest this was the absolute answer. So what was supposed to be here?

“Looking for something specific?” a gruff voice asked. Aaren glanced over her shoulder to see Blackwall standing behind her. Ever since Maeve left, he had looked lonelier than before. It seems that Blackwall already started to feel the empty feeling of Maeve’s absence. 

“Well…I’m not really sure,” Aaren said then handed him the note. Blackwall took it and read it out loud.

“ _Look to where Red roams _?” Blackwall said with a confused tone. “Is this some sort of riddle?”__

__“Varric also thought it might be that…I don’t know what else it could be,” Aaren said with a light sigh. Blackwall visibly frowned. Both of them seemed to know that it was a riddle of sorts, but what exactly were they looking for? The note gave no indication of what it could be. Only to where it could be. Whatever it was._ _

__“Maybe I need to actually _look_ ,” Aaren finally softly. She then stepped through the space in the fence and stood up straight. The horses here were lazily grazing, as well as some of the rare mounts. Yakul’s head lifted from the ground and his ears pricked forward toward her. Masamune had fun laying there in the sun, right beside his war buddy. Aaren gave a small smile to the both of them._ _

__“Are you sure you should be in there?” Blackwall questioned her. Aaren turned to see he was right up at the fence. She shot him a grin. It was highly likely that Maeve asked him to keep an eye on her. Maeve still worried even if she was not physically here to do so._ _

__“I’m not going to die any time soon, Blackwall,” she reminded him. She even added the hands on her hips pose. That did not seem to convince him and he stepped through the space between the fence._ _

__“With all due respect, Captain Aaren, but you have a record of getting yourself into trouble,” he replied. Aaren gave a slight scowl._ _

__“Let me guess, Maeve told you to keep an eye on me?” she asked as she continued to walk deeper into the pasture._ _

__“Not necessarily,” he answered. “But you and I both know Maeve would have followed you if given the chance.”_ _

__Aaren rolled her eyes. Yes, that might have been the case, but that did not mean it wasn’t any less annoying. Aare was a grown woman, capable of making decisions…even if some of those decisions were not the wisest. With a few more steps, she stood beside Yakul. Her left hand reached out and patted his neck. He lowered his head enough for her to pat him on the nose. A slight breeze washed over the small little pasture._ _

___Fltttttt…flttttt__ _

__Aaren heard the sound of paper flapping in the wind. She looked up and saw that there was a ribbon tied to Yakul’s antler and with it a rolled up piece of paper. It was a black ribbon._ _

__“Who would tie a note to him?” Blackwall asked. Aaren gently coaxed Yakul so that he might lower his head more. The Red Hart did just that and Aaren was able to untie it with her one good hand. Her bad hand was able to catch the note._ _

__The burden you carry is not a light one. Remember to treasure what is close._ _

__This wasn’t even a riddle. It was a statement. Aaren looked to Blackwall and he shook his head. Neither of the knew what was going on. Who would even do this? Take the time to write these vague notes out?_ _

__~_ _

__A few more days went by, and Aaren received another note. This time it had found itself in her door frame and fell in front of her face as she walked out of her room. Slowly, she reached down and picked up the small bit of parchment._ _

__Remember the place that the Men of Snow guarded while time was well spent._ _

__Aaren tilted her head to the side. “Men of Snow” must have referred to her time making snowmen. There were only two other people that knew what snowmen were, and one happened to be all the way in Denerim. But Aaren would not put it past Maeve to have come up with something like this just to keep Aaren from hurting herself…or getting into more trouble than usual. Or just merely to mess with her. Yeah…that sounded a lot like Maeve._ _

__Masamune nudged at her legs and Aaren tore her eyes from the note._ _

__“Okay, okay, we’re gonna go,” she said with mild irritation to the impatient wolf. The morning graced them with fair weather. Aaren had to hold up a hand just to block the sun. Masamune nearly fell down the stairs in his hurry to go outside. A few of the soldiers and refugees laughed at his stumblings and greeted Aaren with friendliness. Aaren returned the greets politely, but her mind was focused on her current task._ _

__She was headed to the stables, to get Yakul ready and to leave the shelter of Skyhold. Master Denet did not seem to mind when she took up a simple lead line and lead Yakul out of his stall. In the distance, Aaren could hear the echoes of someone carving wood. Blackwall’s hobby was to sculpt Grey Warden griffons, or just to mold figures out of wood. Aaren had yet to see anything else other than the one griffon that he always worked on. She didn’t want to disturb him and lead Yakul silently outside._ _

__“Here you go,” Master Denet said. Aaren saw him set down the usual saddle and bridle that she used for Yakul._ _

__“Awe, you didn’t have to do that,” Aaren said with a smile on her face. She was never one to have someone help her, as she grew up expected to do things herself._ _

__“None sense. You’ve helped me out plenty. It is only right that I return the favor,” he said. Aaren smiled at his kindness. She was certain it was because she was still struggling with her arm. Yakul did not seem to mind it when Master Denet set the saddle on his back, nor fought when he put the bridle on._ _

__“There you go. You’re all set,” he said with some pride. Aaren gave a little bit of a giggle._ _

__“I could have done that myself, you know,” she teased him. He handed her the reins and offered a knowing look._ _

__“No offense, but I have seen your struggles to hoist anything over your head,” he replied. Aaren sighed heavily. So he did help out of pity. Aaren wished they wouldn’t do that, merely because she did not want pity so much as a healed arm. But it was appreciated none the less, if not out of respect for the people that tried to help. She gave her thanks to Master Denet and led Yakul to the main gate. The guards were kind enough to open the gates without question, and Aaren mounted Yakul with relative ease._ _

__“And where do you think you’re going?” Ian’s scolding tone met her ears. Aaren closed her eyes slowly and tried to stamp her irritation down.　With any luck, she’d find the person responsible for leaving the notes. However, if people here were to continue to ask where she was going constantly, she was never going to get anywhere._ _

__“Ian, I might not have my sword arm back, but that does not give you the right to talk to me like that,” Aaren replied with a bit of a snap. Ian’s usual joking face turned to one of seriousness. Yes, he had been the one to take up her duties while she was on the brink of death. He did her duties just as effectively as she did, but he could never truly replace the passion and compassion that Aaren had for the people that pledged themselves to the Wolf Warriors. Ian was also her rival…but turned into one of the most reliable people in the world…and now the most annoying._ _

__“You’re still recovering…and the healers have said that you – “ Ian started to say but then Aaren commanded Yakul to jump into a dead sprint. The gates had already lifted up and allowed Aaren to escape. They needed to accept that she knew her limits, and that she was not going to let the pain in her shoulder set her back. More than that, she needed to make it known that she was still Captain, and perhaps remind Ian of that. Regardless of their apparent friendship._ _

__The familiar scent of the woods enveloped her senses. The trees swayed ever so slightly and hide some of the residual snow from the heat of the sun. Yakul’s gallop slowed to a gentle walk as they got further and further from Skyhold. It was nice to finally get away from the people who would normally nag her. To just enjoy the sounds of relative silence. That is, until Masamune would bark at the surrounding wildlife._ _

__“Alright Yakul, let’s go,” she said softly. The Red Hart weaved through the trees. Her wolf companion found joy in sniffing the ground below him and rooting out any rodents that lay underneath the snow or foliage. Occasionally he would mark his territory, but then return to the mock hunt he seemed to enjoy practicing. As for Aaren, she sat tall, looking for any signs as to the answer to the newest riddle._ _

__From memory, Aaren rode to the plain where everything started. The snow was thin here. The sun was relentless the last few days, but at least now it was slightly cloudy. Little tufts of grass poked out or was revealed in full by the receding snow. Masamune had fun rolling in a patch of fresh grass. Yakul was content to stand there and rest for just a moment. Aaren looked about the little plain, a little smile touched her face._ _

__Back then, she was completely embarrassed with the idea of falling in love. The notion seemed to be something of fairytales. A thing that only was talked about in stories. Aaren did not expect to find love, or even to fall in love, not since she fell into this war torn world. Even then when Dorian had posed the question, Aaren firmly denied it out right. But the thoughts had plagued her…and then she found herself thinking about a life with Cullen…and what they could be…the fear…the shame…and then the shear happiness she discovered by just being in the same presence as him. This was the place where her first line of defense was truly shattered._ _

__“What is that Yakul?” she asked him. There was something white in the distance. The elk creature snorted lightly and they walked over to it. It was a snowman built of cloth and perhaps stuffed with grass and hay. An old sword and shield were used to decorate it. Aaren started to giggle and then it grew into laughter. It was adorable, something she wished she could use a camera and forever remember this adorable little snowman. To perhaps show it to Cullen and maybe get him to reveal who exactly was sending her on these wild chases. Aaren dismounted, and Masamune trotted to her side._ _

__“Look at this…who would do such an adorable thing?” Aaren asked her wolf companion. Masamune tilted his head to the side in confusion to his pack mate._ _

__“I wouldn’t expect you to know…or maybe you do, you just won’t tell me. I know your nose is far stronger than mine,” Aaren spoke down to him. The wolf pricked his ears forward and his mouth closed with focus. Somehow, Aaren figured that Masamune would not tell her even if he could talk. Just the look on his face read trouble. Aaren looked back to the fake snowman and inspected further. Her hand rested on the shield that covered his chest but it fell as soon as she applied the smallest amount of weight to it. She jumped in surprise and stepped back as the old shield fell away. Beneath it, was a small box tied to a single purple ribbon._ _

__“Hmm? What’s this?” Aaren murmured. Gently, she took the small little box in one hand and lifted the purple ribbon over the fake snowman’s head. The knot that held itself to the box easily released with the softest tug. The little wooden box gave a faint squeak when Aaren lifted the lid. Inside was a small emerald gem embedded within the forehead of a metal wolf. The eyes were closed, as though in contemplation. It was small, perhaps no bigger than that of a quarter but the detail was stunning._ _

__“Wow…it’s like someone took a picture of you while you were sleeping,” Aaren said to Masamune. The wolf stood at her side, his eyes up and curious as to what Aaren might old in her hand. The emerald itself was of the deepest, most royal of greens that she had ever witnessed. Aaren found herself smiling at it. She’d never really had a precious stone before…not a true one. With care, she took it out of the box and found that the back was protected by a sliver of leather and even had a band for her to wear. Beneath it, a single tiny note._ _

__Trials 1:2_ _

__“Trials 1:2?...is that something from the Chant of Light?” Aaren asked out loud. The Chant of Light seemed to be the only thing that closely resembled that of the Christian religion. Aaren had heard some of the Chantry Mothers speak a few versus, but nothing to suggest that there was anything written. Aaren flipped the tiny piece of paper in the hopes that there might just this once be something written underneath. Alas, her search was in vain. Nothing. Aaren gave a huge sigh and set the note back in the box. Her feet walked to Yakul and she placed the box on his saddle._ _

__“Well boys, looks like the mystery continues,” She said to her two companions. It was difficult to get the new necklace over her head. Where there was a will, there was a way; and Aaren would not let anything be beyond her. When the knot was tied, Aaren placed the box in a safe pocket and mounted Yakul. Perhaps there might be someone who knew what this verse was._ _

__~_ _

__Aaren had little time to do any investigation to the verse. The Commander had her so busy with running errands, pushing the limits of her physical therapy, and training with the soldiers. She figured he had seen her progress, as well as the occasional complaint from Ian, and that alone was opening doors for her. She was so close to having everything return back to normal. If only her sword arm would retain the strength it needed for the job. Or perhaps regain the range of motion it used to._ _

__“Do you ever sleep?” a teasing voice asked her. Aaren wiped the sweat from her brow and looked over her shoulder. Varric could barely come up above the second rail on the training yard fence, but Aaren could see what he had in his hand. He held up a folded bit of paper and a mischievous look on his face. Aaren excused herself from her rounds and half jogged over to him._ _

__“Not since I was able to handle normal training rounds” she answered. Varric handed her the note._ _

__“Past the Hill of Tumbled Snow, up through the woodlands you did fly, there you’ll see someone you know, the one being sly,” Aaren read out loud for Varric to hear. Her eyes then fell on him with suspicion._ _

__“The last two notes I found, why are you delivering this one?” she asked him._ _

__“Curly found it, said it was put on the pile of reports you gave him,” Varric said with a little bit of a chuckle. It was obvious that he found this entire thing to be amusing._ _

__“Cullen found it?” she repeated. If Cullen happened to have found this, then it was possible that he wasn’t directly involved with it. But then it was possible that he counted on her to think that. So would that mean it was Cullen who was behind this or was Varric possible pulling another one of his stunts. This felt a lot like the movie Princess Bride between the Dreaded Pirate Roberts and Vizzini._ _

__“I think your head might explode if you keep thinking about this note,” Varric warned._ _

__“I highly doubt that,” Aaren grumbled._ _

__“Captain?” someone called to her. Aaren looked over to the expecting soldiers and then back at Varric._ _

__“If I could ask you to pass a message to Master Denant?” Aaren asked the dwarf._ _

__“I think I know what the message is. Don’t worry about it Wolf. I got you covered,” he said._ _

__“You’re the best, Varric,” Aaren said. The note she had in her hand slipped into her pouch on her hip. Then she jogged back over to the rest of the men to finish out their morning training. Ian ran them through their paces, even corrected the new recruits who shadowed them, and kept a keen eye on Aaren. Her arm limited her down swing but it did not stop her from trying. He watched as the pain crossed her face as she rose her sword barely past her chest._ _

__“Alright, go get cleaned up,” he barked. The rest of the soldiers saluted and dispersed. The only one to remain was Aaren. Ian walked up to the struggling captain._ _

__“You don’t need to push yourself,” he scolded lightly. Aaren sheathed her sword and gave him a scowl._ _

__“I wasn’t even pushing that hard,” she lied. Ian sighed._ _

__“Yes you were, but I have a feeling it is because you wanted an excuse to go out and adventure after who wrote that note,” Ian said._ _

__“And you know something about the notes?” Aaren asked with suspicion. Ian grinned widely._ _

__“Only that you have ducked out of your exercises on occasion and have been asking what Trials 1:2 is,” he replied. Aaren’s scowl remained while Ian smiled. His head nodded to the stables._ _

__“And I know that once you set your mind to something it is like fighting the very heavens,” he replied with a bit of a wink._ _

__“Well, good thing we plugged that hole in the sky,” Aaren then said. She was grateful for Ian doing this. It was like she was back to being a Captain and researching the Lyrium of this world once again. The only difference being the constant ache in her shoulder. She walked down the hill, and found that Master Denant walked Yakul to the front gates of Skyhold._ _

__“The dwarf said it was something urgent. I figured you’d want him ready to ride,” he said to Aaren._ _

__“Thanks, Denant,” Aaren said as she put a foot in her stirrup and lifted herself into the saddle. With a gentle tap to the Red Hart’s sides, the beast gave a little grunt and launched forward. The gates were open, and Yakul took off elegantly out of the gates of Skyhold. The echoing hooves only added to the ambient sounds of the woods. They rode out for a while, past the snowman that had been made a few days ago. This time it had an arrow directing her to where she needed to go. In fact, there were several arrows made from the nature around her to direct her on the path she needed to take. There was no need for tracking, no need to get down and check to see where she needed to go, a plain path clearly set for her._ _

__“If only Masamune could keep up with me,” Aaren muttered. They had found themselves in the middle of the forest once again. The arrows were gone, and now she was lost in a part of the forest she had yet to find a sign to lead her on. Masamune could not readily keep up with Yakul and Aaren was in too much of a hurry to wait for him. There was a rustle in the distance and Aaren’s eyes snapped to the spot. She squinted, trying to look between the leaves and branches of the forest brush. Between them, she could clearly see the odd color of red._ _

__“Cullen? Cullen!” Aaren shouted at him. The red figure, or what looked like a red figure disappeared from view. Aaren turned Yakul in the general direction of what she saw and commanded him to gallop. Yakul gave a loud whistle and then thundered through the trees. It was a challenge to navigate through the forest, especially when Yakul. His big antlers did not help when the trees were closing in around them. With a careful eye, Aaren looked through the trees, and occasionally a flash of red would appear just as fast as it disappeared. The more she saw it, the more she was certain it was the Commander that she was chasing after._ _

___I never would have thought to be thankful for that color_ Aaren thought to herself. She spurred Yakul with her heels and he let out an elkish whistle. Aaren could feel his stride lengthen, his speed increased to a near gallop as they still navigated through the trees. A few more moments and they rode into the middle of a clearing. Here, Cullen should have been noticed. It was a long race to the other end of the meadow. And yet Aaren and Yakul were the only souls there. Yakul slowed down to a slow and lazy canter before completely coming to a stop. He snorted and panted heavily from that run in the forest._ _

__“I was sure I saw something,” Aaren murmured. Yet there was no other evidence that she actually saw anything. Before her was a beautiful meadow that was untouched. The flowers blossomed under the sun. Just as Aaren thought to turn back, there was a burst of activity behind her. The roar of hooves as they ran past her, and the biggest grin on the Commander’s face that she had ever seen. Urajak flew past them in a flash of black fur that left Aaren with her jaw dropped._ _

__“That’s playing dirty!” she shouted after them. Yakul danced under her until he lurched forward. He was tired, but that did not mean he was not willing to try and catch up to Urajak. Their race took them across the meadow and back into the woods again. Urajak had little trouble weaving through the trees while Aaren had to slow up and find a different way to follow Cullen. She tried to follow the sound of the hooves, but that sound was muddled in the echoes off the surrounding trees. Aaren kept an eye on them as best she could while she weaved and dodged branch after branch. It was not long before he was out of sight and Aaren merely followed the direction to which she last saw Cullen go. It was a while yet before the trees faded from them and a clearing to a cliff side revealed itself. Cullen sat tall in his saddle as he looked over one of the cliffs. Aaren, now panting with the effort to keep up, had the very exhausted Yakul walk up right beside him._ _

__“What…the…hell…was…” She tried to get out. She was just as out of breath as Yakul was. The sheen of sweat evident when the sunlight hit his neck and hindquarters. The heavy panting and slowed movement were evidence to how much energy he exerted just to get here. Aaren placed a hand on the saddle in front of her and tried to catch her own breath._ _

__“To show you this,” Cullen’s voice replied softly and with the tone of endearment. Aaren looked up from her position and saw one of the most beautiful things that she had ever seen. Words failed her as she beheld the landscape before her. No civilization, just pure nature. The mountains were lush with different shades of green. Those colors then blended into cold caps of snow and rock that reached up high into the sky. It was nothing she could have imagined, nothing that she could have dreamed. If she had a camera, she would have taken a picture, several pictures. There was no one word to describe what she saw._ _

__“Wow…Cullen, I…wow,” Aaren attempted a sentence. Even the lighting from the sun, as it was started to set, gave a more amber coloration to the already green forest and rocky outcrops. Cullen looked over at Aaren, who was captivated by the scene and smiled._ _

__“I had a few reports of this place,” he said. “from a few scouts…and I came to see for myself on the same day you returned from Denerim…and I just thought you would love this place…”_ _

__This is why he did not admire the same scene. Cullen had already witnessed the beauty once before, and now he wanted to share it with her. Just as she shared the beauty of the stars to him._ _

__“You thought I would…Cullen, that’s so sweet…” Aaren said still unable to find words. Not many people had ever thought about something like this. Gifts were something she could not accept easily. She had a hard time accepting things she did not work for. But there were occasions when Aaren did accept gifts. But they were not normal gifts. No flowers, chocolates, or things that normal people would give someone. No, things that she appreciated were abstract. A gesture, a hug, or even the occasional friendly kiss on the forehead were things she would accept. Then there was this. Showing her something she had not yet discovered. Knowledge. A good book. It was a delight to see the lights of Aaren’s eyes glow when she was offered a new book or listening to an old fable._ _

__“I remembered the time you showed me the stars you had never seen before, back when we were still in Haven…I also noted how detailed you try to explain landscapes within your reports. And I thought that perhaps you would enjoy a little adventure while you recovered from your injury,” Cullen explained. He watched Aaren glance at him in awe before her eyes returned to the scene behind him. It made him happy to see her so speechless. Gracefully, he dismounted Urajak and walked to her side. Aaren had to tear her gaze away from the mountains and looked down at the man who brought her here. Cullen offered her a hand to help her dismount. Aaren gave a small nod and allowed Cullen to help her down from Yakul’s saddle. Even on the ground, the scene was still beautiful. No matter how many times she looked the landscape over, she could still find the stillness and the beauty of it. Something new. Something serene. It was just too much._ _

__“There…there is no place back in my world that I have ever seen before…” she said as she walked to the edge of the cliff. Cullen was right by her side, if not a little nervous about how close she was to the edge. A slight breeze blew through, and it looked like the trees waved like the ocean waters.  
“Wow…Cullen…I wish I could take a picture of this place…I’m sure this place is so full of color when the dawn just breaks…” Aaren murmured softly. That was the usual voice she used when she was deep in thought. Cullen gave a smile._ _

__“Maybe this does not have to be the only time to come here,” he offered. Aaren gave a little chuckle._ _

__“When you have the time…” she said over her shoulder. “Not making an excuse and elaborate game out of it.”_ _

__Aaren felt Cullen chuckle rather than heard him._ _

__“You enjoyed it far too much,” he pointed out. Aaren turned away to try and hide the grin on her face. It was true, she did enjoy it, but it would be nice to just enjoy some time with him. That is…whenever they could find the time in this war torn world. She then felt a small pull and the solid press of Cullen’s torso against her back. He pulled her slowly into a hug and rested his head against hers._ _

__“Though I would not mind a simple dinner,” he admitted softly. Aaren leaned back against him. There was a small bit of silence, except for the occasional snort from Urajak or Yakul as they sniffed at the grass around them._ _

__“…Did you get Varric to write those riddles?” Aaren then asked. There was a soft chuckle that reverberated through her entire being._ _

__“I ask for his help and asked someone else to write them. I feared you might have recognized my hand writing,” Cullen replied. He then pulled away from her. That was enough to make Aaren look at him. He walked from her and over to…to…a blanket that was neatly set in a soft patch of grass and dinner set out for two people. For the third time that day, Aaren’s jaw dropped. Then a knot started to form in her throat and she swallowed hard. There was no need to go to all this trouble just for her. It was enough to see this scene with Cullen, to receive a hug, a loving embrace. She didn’t need a special dinner._ _

__“You didn't have to go through all the trouble,” Aaren said. There was the threat of tears behind her eyes. No one had gone to such lengths just to do something for her. Not in this way. Somewhere inside, she still believed she didn't deserve such happiness. That this was just some dream she was going to be yanked away from at any minute. Aaren was not used to being in love, or having someone show their love for her in this way._ _

__“But I did,” Cullen said with a caring smile on his face. Aaren could feel the heat rise to her cheeks. Out of the year they had been together, now was the time she would get embarrassed? She found the rocks at her feet more interesting than the look on Cullen’s face.  
“Because I love seeing you smile.”_ _

__Aaren could hear his footsteps approach her, felt the gentle nudge of a hand under her chin._ _

__“I love seeing you enjoy the world.”_ _

__The emotions she felt were a turbulent storm inside of her. She didn’t know if she should feel happiness, the unending joy that seemed to want to burst from her chest. Or should she feel shame for having put Cullen through all of this work? Shame to know that she had a monster deep inside of her ready to tear this entire thing down with a few words. A monster that would hurt him._ _

__“I love seeing you laugh and have fun.”_ _

__“…you don’t have to…” she whispered. There was a pause. Then the hand that was under her chin gentle guided her gaze to his. The amazing golden hazel eyes that looked at her so caringly. The same look he gave her every time they had a moment alone. Right before he would give her a kiss on her forehead. But he didn’t. He was content to just look at her face. A gaze that was making Aaren’s heart ache._ _

__“And I love you,” Cullen finished with a soft whisper. Aaren wanted to go hide under a blanket. To hide the bright red face she knew she had. She knew she could talk the talk. Her teasing words could cut into anyone, make others dance in circles while she laughed at them. But when it turned to her, when they brought to light the truth of their relationship. Aaren turned into the biggest wallflower. For all her boasting, she was just the traditional shy girl that did not believe that she deserved any of this. That she was not good enough for Cullen. That one day she would hurt him. Yet despite all of those dark thoughts, those doubts, her faults and failures to be any sort of normal woman, Cullen stuck by her side._ _

__“Do you remember the last note you found?” Cullen asked. His hand dropped from her chin and rest on her waist. Aaren’s eyes wandered to the side as she tried to remember what the note actually was._ _

__“…uh…I think it said “Trials 1:2”…but no one answered my question when I asked them about it,” she said softly. Her gaze returned to his. There was a soft smile on his face._ _

__“I asked them to let me explain it. I’m surprised they kept their word,” Cullen said with a little surprise._ _

__“I figured it had something to do with your Chant, right?” she asked. Cullen nodded. There was a small moment of silence, as though Cullen needed a moment to recall and gain the courage to utter the next few words._ _

___“In the long hours of the night_  
When hope has abandoned me,  
I will see the stars and know  
Your light remains” 

__Cullen recited it with such love, endearment, gentleness that it nearly made Aaren cry right then and there. She was not one for religion, not for the lack of trying to understand but merely because she felt it had abandoned her in her darkest hour. But she was not opposed to believing that there might be some higher being…somewhere…but that was the extent of it._ _

__“I remembered the first time you took me to look at the stars back in Haven. And in recent times, I find myself looking up at the sky more often,” he admitted. “And it might feel wrong to say this…as many Chantry mothers would surely have my head…but that particular verse reminds me of you.”_ _

__Aaren was surprised. Beyond usual. Cullen thought a particular Chantry verse reminded him of her? Rather than the Maker or Andraste to which everyone within the Chantry seemed to worship? How? Cullen could see the confusion and shock on her face and looked up at the sky once._ _

__“I am sure you are well aware that I stay up until all hours, working,” Cullen said with a little embarrassment. “And…when it seems to overwhelming, my thoughts wander to the very same stars that you showed me. Then I think of you…”_ _

__Aaren couldn’t take much more of this. The lump in her throat swelled enough to stop her from speaking. The tears that threatened to spill forth down her cheeks. Cullen’s face turned from shock to one of worry as he saw the reaction._ _

__“Aaren? Aaren, what’s wrong?” he asked. She’d looked down and tried to wipe the tears that kept coming. She swallowed hard to try and break the lump so that she may speak._ _

__“I’m so stupid…I…” she managed to croak out._ _

__“If anything you are stubborn,” Cullen tried to tease her. There was a light laugh that helped break the small cycle of tears. Aaren wiped away the tears she could and looked back at him._ _

__“I do not deserve such a relationship…that was my firm belief for a very long time,” she finally got out. “I couldn't protect my family from that monster of a woman that claimed to be my own birth mother…I couldn’t save my siblings from being influenced by her, couldn't protect them from the dangers that I saw as an older sister…when I left that world, I could not speak to my younger brother and had turned my back on my youngest brother…to protect myself when I could not protect them…I couldn't bring them to the safety of my father and when I could, or when the chance arose…it was too late…”_ _

__Cullen was beyond shocked. Aaren had joked about having a rough time in her own world. She’d joked with those that would insult her mother and agree with them. He thought that those were just amazing deflections for heated situations. But he could see now that they were mere truths. Or at least that is what he could gather from the little information that was given to him._ _

__“Aaren…whatever happened in your world…I do not think of you any less,” he said. Aaren gave a slight chuckle out of the cynical feeling she had._ _

__“It’s not that…I could not protect those I cared about the most from the person who gave birth to them. I couldn’t stop the yelling, the insults, the occasional violence…and my brothers suffered because of that…they were too young to understand and I abandoned them to save myself,” she said bitterly. Her eyes then looked to him, a fear that he had only seen once before. Yet…this time it was far different._ _

__“And…the reason I did not…cannot believe that I deserve a relationship…to have anyone close to me…is the fear that one day I will turn into the same monster…that I will hurt you and those people around me that I care about the most. I couldn’t bear…you don’t deserve that…”_ _

__The tears began a new, in earnest this time. Aaren tried to keep her sobs, the terror, the sorrow down as much as possible but it was next to impossible. Cullen then slowly, carefully, wrapped his arms around Aaren and held her to him. He said no words, not even those of encouragement, but allowed Aaren to cry in silence. He wanted just the feeling of his presence, the gentleness in which he held her to help calm her. Action at this point would speak far louder than the words that he had said before._ _

__Aaren was not that person. Selfless would be a word to describe her. Compassionate would be the other word. Kind, caring, thoughtful, things he’d seen in other people but it never seemed to mesh together quite like Aaren. She took her passion and directed it to those people she cared about. If she could she spent her time making sure that the children were taken care of and smiling. She made people laugh at her, joked and made sure every single person in the tavern was smiling. On the flip side, she would stand for those who would bully others. That same compassion turned into a valuable weapon against the enemies of the Inquisition. She did not tolerate those who would readily attack those who were defenseless. Now, Cullen could see where that passion stemmed from._ _

__Aaren was also mischievous. Her sarcasm could talk circles and insults around anyone, and her brutal honesty damn near hurt sometimes. Her passion sometimes fueled her anger far too much, and her actions could be rash in order to get things done. Her focus was sharp that sometimes she would forget other things, or work past schedule. And yet none of these negative traits detoured him. He loved her, absolute. And the more he held her, the more he wanted to take her sorrow and pain away from her. When Aaren’s sobs quieted down, and a few more moments of silence passed, Cullen then rubbed her back gently._ _

__“Aaren, you listen to me,” he said seriously. “You have not treated me poorly. You have gone well out of your way to make sure that I am happy. You’ve taken it upon yourself to help me with my decision to stop taking Lyrium. You are not like the monster you fear.”_ _

__Cullen could feel Aaren’s grip on his clothes. Perhaps it was the prevent her from crying further. Or perhaps it was self-doubt. Whatever the case, he held her tightly to him._ _

__“Aaren…as long as you want to make people happy, you will never be that monster,” he murmured softly to her. Her shoulders were shaking, and Aaren’s grip on his back was tighter. If he had to, he would hold her and tell her he loved her over and over again. Remind her over and over again that she was far from the monster she feared._ _

__“Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker’s light. And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost,” Cullen whispered the smallest prayer for her. “I am not alone. Even as I stumble on the path with my eyes closed, yet I see the Light is here.”_ _

__He didn’t speak the Chant of Light as often as he thought he should. He was not nearly as religious as he thought he should. But he did believe that there as a time and a place. Here, he thought he might help her even if she did not truly believe the same thing he did. He could feel her relax under his words. Her shoulders stopped shaking and her grip loosened on his clothes. Aaren was the one to pull away and wipe any remaining tears from her face._ _

__“Thank you…” she murmured to him. Cullen nodded and then looked over to the food._ _

__“It might still be warm, but if…if you want we can just…” Cullen tried to suggest to stay and eat or perhaps to also suggest to go back to Skyhold._ _

__“I think I want to stay here…just a bit longer,” Aaren murmured softly. Cullen nodded. The two of them walked to the blanket and sat at the set plates of food. The atmosphere was quiet for a while, as Aaren tried to recover her emotions. But soon they began to talk and that somber sad emotion flew away and was replaced by laugher._ _

__“Seriously? Maeve helped you the same day that I went out for a ride?” Aaren asked. Cullen had poured her a fresh glass of the only wine she seemed to stand._ _

__“She was the one that insisted that we come up with something to keep you in Skyhold long enough to heal,” the Commander said with a bit of a laugh. “I only happened to agree with her so that you might have a few more days without getting yourself injured…again.”_ _

__“I do not get injured that often,” Aaren retorted. Cullen looked at her with one eyebrow near to the sky. There was a soft scowl and Aaren turned her gaze from his incredulous one._ _

__“I get injured some of the time…just scrapes and bruises,” she grumbled at him. They talked some more, until the grogginess from the wine and feeling full set in. Both of them ended up lounging on the blanket and watched the sun as it started to disappear behind the mountains._ _

__“How do you like your necklace?” Cullen asked._ _

__“Very pretty…I can’t help but wonder if you really like the nickname everyone seems to give me,” she teased him lightly._ _

__“It suits you…the color I mean…not the nickname…not that your nickname is undeserving,” Cullen started to trip over his words until Aaren started to giggle. The sun now peaked through the mountain rage and gave a nice color over the land just as night started to arrive. It was still just as beautiful as when Aaren first saw it, perhaps it was more considering she partial to the morning sunrises and evening sunsets. That was, until she knew she was being watched._ _

__“Don’t tell me you like watching me enjoy the scenery,” she teased him. Either she had too much wine, which was not entirely inaccurate, or she knew that teasing him would get him to stop whatever it was he was doing. She looked over at him when he didn’t answer and found that same loving look on his face. Perhaps he too had too much wine._ _

__“Not when you are just as beautiful as the scenery,” he whispered. Aaren’s cheeks lit up again and she snapped her gaze from him. Damn him for saying stupid cheesy things that made her heart skip a beat. Damn her for not being able to stand her ground and take the complement. Just…damnit._ _

__“We could watch the sunset together,” he suggested. Aaren glanced over her shoulder. Cullen already was packing away the empty plates. He then sat close to the middle and beckoned Aaren to come close, to do the same. Slowly, Aaren moved so that they were practically leaning on each other as they watched the colors of the setting sun paint the land. The silence drug out, nothing major, just silence in their togetherness._ _

__“I don’t know if I could have ever looked at a place like this,” Cullen said softly. “To fully enjoy it.”_ _

__“You would be too busy to do so?” Aaren asked. She looked at him and found that he looked out to the surrounding area instead of down at her._ _

__“I probably would be,” Cullen replied quietly after a time. Aaren watched as he looked down at her. In that moment the world was forgotten. Their positions forgotten. If in that moment they could lose everything, focus solely on each other, then it was done. The distance between their faces shortened, till their lips met as the setting sun’s light met with the mountaintop. So innocent and loving, as was their relationship. It was a while before they separated for a breath, just mere inches from one another. Aaren could feel his breath on her lips as he could feel hers. This was no normal kiss. This was a different emotion, a different feeling. In the back of her mind, Aaren wanted another kiss, more so than she had ever wanted before. Cullen happily met her lips once again, in a wilder, uncontrolled kiss._ _

__Cullen’s hand gently found the back of Aaren’s head and with as gentle a touch as she had known him to have, merely held her too him. What was this race of emotion? This desire? There was no explanation for it, nothing that could tell them what was going on. Aaren’s arms wrapped around Cullen’s neck, her body pressed closer to him. It wasn’t enough to just simply sit there and cuddle any more. She wanted so much more. Only did the need for air exceed the desire to kiss did they break apart._ _

__Aaren was left breathless, as was Cullen. Bother were in awe of each other. Aaren saw something different in Cullen’s face, could feel it in the air. Cullen’s lips kissed under her jaw as he helped pull her up to a sitting position. Aaren clung onto Cullen as she tried to rein in the unfamiliar and wild emotions that were running through her. But there was not enough time to get back in control, not when Cullen kissed her lips once more. Aaren was all too willing to follow his lead. She could feel the press of the blanket against her back, the feel of Cullen’s body pressing at her front. Even she could figure out where this was going. She might have been inexperienced but she as not completely ill-informed._ _

___“Promise me...you’ll wear this ring until that special day…and that is the only day when you will give this back to me…”__ _

__Echoes of the past whispered in her mind. Through the haze of passion and desire, a very important memory surfaced. Aaren’s eyes snapped open, even as she could feel Cullen’s lips press a kiss against the nape of her neck._ _

__“C-Cullen,” Aaren stammered out. Her hands flew to his shoulders and gripped tightly. She was completely afraid that Cullen was going to hate her for this. Cullen stopped as soon as he felt Aaren tense up, felt the grip on his shoulders, and heard the note of fear in her voice. Their eyes met and Aaren covered her face in what he could only guess was embarrassment._ _

__“I…I can’t…” she said through her hands. “I made a promise…”_ _

__Cullen pulled back. What sort of promise did she make? As much as he wanted to continue their previous adventure, he waited with the façade of patience. Aaren slowly took her hands from her bright red and embarrassed face._ _

__“I…I promised my dad that I would not…I wouldn't…” Aaren’s words made no sense at first. Apparently this was a serious topic if Aaren’s words were failing her this much. Though what they were doing earlier might have cause some of that embarrassment._ _

__“I wouldn’t have sex until after I was married to the man I was in love with…” she stammered out. Now that was a surprise. Andrastians felt the same but never looked down on those who did not want to adhere to such rules. He also could appreciate Aaren for keeping her promise. Never in the year or so that he knew her had she ever broken a promise. Sure, her father was not here in Thedas, but that did not change that this was a promise to her. Aaren had always said that a promise was a promise and must be fulfilled no matter what. In the face of such a tempting offer, he could applaud her temperance, yet he could not say he was a little disappointed to not be able to share and express his feelings for her in this way._ _

__“Aaren,” he said. Aaren had hid herself behind her hands again. He waited until she at least peaked out from behind them._ _

__“I’m not angry at you…I respect that you made a promise that you intend to keep and I will respect your decision,” he said gently. Maker preserve him. For her happiness, he would endure. This was the right thing to do. If she could wait, keep her promise, then he surely could honor that and wait for her…he would wait for the world for her._ _

__“Thank you Cullen,” she said with a happy smile. Though…there was nowhere in the promise that didn’t say they couldn’t make out like this. She then looked up at him with a question on her face. Cullen furrowed her brow. She motioned for him to come closer. She couldn't say it out loud so she whispered her thought to him and he turned a slight shade of pink._ _

__“I can’t say that I dislike the idea,” he said quietly. If that is what she wanted as well, who was he to deny? As long as she kept her promise to her father from her world, that was all they would do. Though no one would believe them when they explained that they merely had a picnic, and enjoyed each other’s company. They were happy to spend the rest of the night like this, with the occasion passionate kiss or two._ _


	32. Chapter 32: A Sheep in Wolves Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeve's mission has finally been brought to a serious point. The threat of a rebellion looms dangerously over the city of Denerim. It is time for Maeve to make a move, and perhaps the first step in halting this chaos before it starts.

This was one of the most frustrating missions that Maeve had even been on. Not only was this man methodical and precise but there was also evidence of another person involved. Some of the items that had been used as weapons, various household objects as well as decoratory weapons, to be enchanted to attack, explode, or in other means cause harm to King Alistair and those around through the use of enchantments. Considering the recent war between the Mages and the Templars, there was no one in the area capable of inspecting these enchanted items. Most of the Mages had fled Denerim, given that they were concerned that their current King was once a Templar and that he might readily side with them. Maeve had sent these objects to the Inquisition, but she had yet to have a reply. That was nearly a week or so ago. 

“There there,” Maeve said to Gabriel, who had been the latest victim. A vase had bashed the poor boy over the head, and left a gaping wound. His mother was currently disinfecting the wound and stitching it up with the ease of a doctor. Come to find out, this woman had survived in the wilderness far longer than the year she spent with the Grey Wardens. Erykah Mornstar Arainai was not from Thedas. From the sound of it, her world had been a post-apocalyptic fantasy writer’s dream. She had explained things that sounded like zombies, more so than the actual act of raising the undead here in Thedas, an outbreak of some sort of fungus that destroyed the brains of those who breathed in the spores. Before Erykah came to Thedas, she had survived out in the wilderness for four or five years. Plenty of time to learn how to take care of severe wounds and gashes.

“I’m fine, really,” Gabriel said. “But now I look like a cool pirate, don’t I Ma?”

“The meanest pirate out there,” Erykah replied gently. There was a hint of worry in her eyes as she tied off the bandage. That worry was well founded. Someone was coming into their home, and threatening the life of not just the King, but the innocent people that worked within these castle walls. That meant a lot of servants’ children, and her children. Even Maeve started to feel the frustration of being unable to catch this bastard and put an end to his vigilante group.

“This is not your fault,” Erykah said calmly. The hell it wasn’t. The Inquisition offered their aid in order to put down this insurrection, and what was Maeve doing? It felt like she was sitting on her hands most days. 

“I was sent here to stop these idiots…and all I have been doing is chasing down one ghost or another,” Maeve replied. Gabriel stood up from his stool and looked to his mother with confidence.

“I’ll be okay Ma,” he said. Erykah gave a nod and then a hug for her oldest child before she watched him run out of the room. 

“There have been strange things going on before you arrived. The fact that you are trying to help catch the bastards is good enough for us. With both you and Zevran on the case, I am certain this man will die before Alistair could get his hands around their throats,” Erykah said just as soon as Gabriel was out of earshot. Her tone was threatening, and rightly so. Anyone who threatened a good mother’s children was surely testing the very gates of hell. 

“We’ll get them,” Maeve vowed for Erykah. The woman nodded and then turned to walk out of the room. Her hand got to the door knob before she turned back around.

“Zevran said he wanted to see you, something about a new lead and possibly an undercover mission,” Erykah said. Maeve nodded in response. She had learned that Erykah was just as capable of doing this line of work, but devoted her time to her children. Zevran had said it was to give their children the best that they could, and to personally be their bodyguard. Maeve thought there was no one else better suited to protect those two kids.

Maeve then left the room, and headed to the planning room. Zevran was already within it. Papers were plastered all over the walls, a huge map of Denerim alongside a few wanted posters of potential suspects. On the table were more reports, more lists, and more evidence as to the crimes that were committed. Zevran was going over them with a more serious face. Gone was the usual smile that he wore, now it was personal.

What they had figured out was that these two persons of interest were with a group that supported the late want to be king Logain, and thought that it was wrong for the current king, Alistair, to have killed him. Logain was not technically king, as his daughter, Anora, had been married to the much loved Cailan. He acted as Regent, pushing for the position of king even when his own daughter was reigning queen. These people thought that Logain had the right, to lead Ferelden and protect them from a king that might have reached out to the neighboring Orlais. Apparently, the Orlesians had this country in their possession and treated their people as slaves. Aaren might have known more but Maeve was uninterested in the actual history of the two countries.

These rebels felt that Logain was unjustly killed, even after the Hero of Ferelden bested him in a duel with the entire Landsmeet as their witness. The leader of these rebels went by the name Athelstan Duchemain. Born and raised in Denerim. He openly supported Logan’s efforts and hated those that wanted to call the Orlesians for help. He had secretly gained a small militia group together to attempt to over through Alistair, but the size was nothing short of a small gang. If their information was correct anyway. 

If they tried anything the royal army would easily squash them. However, there was a second person that they could find nothing about. Zevran found that Athelstan was speaking with a mysterious hooded figure on more than one occasion. Now the stranger part was they could not get a face to this mysterious person. Hell, they could not get the gender of the person. And this variable made Zevran overly cautious. There was nothing to suggest that this individual was an actual fighter. There was no sign of weapons. But that was because of an oversized cloak. This person was trying to hide their abilities and that was a factor that only served to add to Zevran’s worry.

“That bastard better know where to hide,” Zevran swore under his breath. His first child was wounded, and all because someone decided that they wanted to use magic in an attempt to assassinate King Alistair. Well they were not aware of how hard an assassin who survived the Fifth Blight could fight when pressed. The determination in his entire being was frightening enough, but the glare he had when he went over all the notes, evidence, and maps of these people was enough to set fire to the entire castle. If he had this much determination when he fought the Archdemon, then maybe the battle would have been over sooner. Maeve was not sure whether to be afraid of Erykah’s wrath, or Zevran’s.

“…no…we’ll make him come to us,” Maeve said calmly. She then pointed to the one place where they had been seen the most. “There, at the Pearl.”  
It was the brothel of the area, and perhaps the best place for someone to hide. As cliché as that sounded, the hooded figure and Athelstan were both seen here. Perhaps they found the company of prostitutes and the allure of physical pleasure a better distraction to the crimes they committed. Zevran had been there a few times himself when he was traveling around Ferelden, and even a few more times with the Hero, but not since he had settled down with his wife and two children. It also made it difficult to visit when he was constantly hunted by the Crows.

“There was the thought of infiltrating the Pearl,” Zevran said. “However, I find myself a little more famous in these parts than I would have liked to be.”

Zevran straightened up from his current position of hovering over lists and more detailed maps. He and Erykah had fought side by side with Alistair and the Hero. They saw the Archdemon and saw it fall to the ground and die…but at great cost.

“Erykah did say that you had an undercover mission for me,” Maeve said with a half-smile. The seriousness in Zevran’s face relaxed a little at the mention of his wife’s name. It was cute to see those two together, even if he was an assassin and Erykah was a stone-cold survivor. 

“That I do. I’d like for you to go to the Pearl, and infiltrate this small band of rebels and make me a more detailed list of names, locations, and even supplies,” Zevran said with a light seriousness to his tone. Maeve nodded, after all, this is what she came here to do.

“We need to figure out who this mysterious hooded figure is, and what his role is in all of this,” He added. Maeve agreed with a nod.

“There is also the possibility that they are guarding more information. I want to know everything about this group before I give Alistair a clear plan of attack,” Zevran continued. He walked around and pointed to two different points in Denerim.

“They are moving around in the alleyways, like typical criminals with something to hide. However, there is something about their movements that suggests this is on purpose,” he explained.

“Which means that they know they are being watched,” Maeve finished for him.

“I don’t see why they would not already know that. They aren’t exactly hiding the fact that they are so openly against their own king,” Zevran mentioned.  
“But that, in itself, could be the distraction they need in order to hide their true plans. A clever and devious way to go about usurping their current royalty. It is certainly not like hiring the Crows for something like this, but I suppose they might not have the coin for such a job, or the Crows would rather not get involved.”

“I thought that they didn’t care about that kind of thing,” Maeve then said with confusion in her tone. There was little she knew about the Crows.

“Oh sure, in Antiva, they are hired by the various merchant princes in order to climb to the top. But that is how things are in Antiva. Perhaps they are still a little wary of a King who was kind enough to protect a former Crow. Moriah certainly was adamant that I remain with their group…”

The way he trailed off made it seem like there was more to that sort of story. There was hint of sadness, or was it grief? Who was this Moriah anyway? Perhaps someone that was from Zevran’s past and someone whom he was good friends with? 

“But no, I doubt the Crows would dare set foot in Denerim, not without an entire clan and perhaps the guarantee of total victory,” the elf then said. “It certainly doesn’t help that they probably know that I am here, and I have killed more of my fair share of my brethren. Then there is my lovely wife that would open the very gates of hell to guarantee my safety.”

“Then I suppose I don’t have anything to worry about,” Maeve said with confidence. She had no doubt that Erykah would open the gates of hell just to ensure the people she loved were safe. That woman was definitely protective of her children, and openly loving with her husband. Not to mention the gun she always carried on her hip when her bow would merely get in the way.

“Not from the Crows anyway. This is by no means an easy task, and the consequences of being caught would end your life,” Zevran reminded. Maeve didn’t necessarily need that to be said. Her anxiety would have drowned her then and there had it not been for the special concoction from the mages back at Skyhold. 

“I’ll be careful, Zevran, this is my job, and I will be sure to get the information you need,” Maeve said. There was a greater sense of urgency to this mission. They threatened not just Zevran’s family, but represented how they would rule should Alistair’s throne be usurped. That was something that they could not allow to come to pass.

~

Maeve found herself at the Pearl just as Zevran had instructed. Her alias’ name was Laura, a known hater of the current crown and a vengeful desire to replace Alistair with someone who was loyal to Logain. She walked in and was met with the sights and sounds of a usual seedy pub. It helped that there was no shortage of beautiful men and women here, working their ways to make a few pieces of gold for their “services.” Maeve walked through the main entrance and found a seat by herself. 

“What can I get ya, darlin’?” the usual tavern wench asked.

“How about your favorite drink?” Maeve asked with her best charming smile. The woman returned the smile and disappeared behind the counter. 

“Well hello there, gorgeous,” someone else said. Maeve turned to see that there was a rather attractive man with attractively long hair tied into a neat ponytail. It was light brown in color. His eyes were a silver grey, and just as alluring as that sexy smile on his face. Not to mention he did not seem to mind the openness of his shirt or the tightness of his pants. 

“Can I interest you in some company?” he then asked her. Oh, sweet Jesus, this man even had a rumble to his timber voice. But Maeve was a taken lady, and that should have ended any chance of having a wonderful time…that and the possible chance of catching a rather nasty illness. However, that was not what Laura would do. Laura would be the first to take this opportunity, to jump at the chance of physical pleasure. So, Maeve leaned forward and made her best attempt to act interested. Shouldn’t be too hard though, this man was nothing short of very attractive.

“Well, you have my attention,” she said seductively. The man gave a smile, and seated himself right beside her. It was nice that they had built these wonderful booths, where people could just slide in right beside each other. The man in question did not leave any space between them. Their legs touched each other, even an added rub was used to possibly entice Maeve to agree to something more. All in the days work when you were a prostitute in the Pearl.

“Here ya go, darlin’,” the tavern wench called and handed her the ordered drink. 

“How about one for my friend here?” Maeve suggested to the man that now nearly leaned against her.

“Gorgeous, I would much rather share your drink,” he said. Ooooh this man was good. Maeve gave another charming smile in return and waved the wench away. She even situated herself so she was leaning into his company rather than the other way around. After all, she was the smaller of the two, and couldn’t hold his weight.

“Do you have a name, handsome?” she asked him.

“Nikolas,” he answered.

“No title to go with that?” Maeve purred at him. The man gave a little laugh after taking a deep drink from her cup.

“I don’t waste my time on fancy titles, those are for amateurs,” he said in a low and seductive tone. His silver eyes then looked to hers, with the look of desire.

“And you wouldn’t be one of those amateurs?” she asked as she traced a finger absently over one of his arms.

“Honey, I pick my clients, and they are never disappointed,” he said with confidence that made Maeve believe him. He exuded sexiness, commanded lust itself. There was no one else that seemed to take attractiveness and desire and made it theirs. Not in a way that Nikolas seemed to command it. 

“I don’t know if I can believe that,” Maeve replied. Laura was one seductive little vixen. Not that it was something that Maeve herself was completely opposed too. As long it remained at kissing and nothing more. She didn’t know this man from manners, nor was she willing to take a chance with the various unknown sexual diseases that she’d have the luck of finding.

Nikolas gave a wicked smile, a flash of a predatory look to the challenge. Then, ever so slowly, he bet his head down and captured Maeve’s lips. They were a sweet, coaxing kiss of a gentle lover. But it did not end there. There was one, two, three, more than Maeve could count before somehow, they were dancing with their tongues. It built to a fiery passion and left Maeve to give a moan of approval. Only after the noise had reverberated against Nikolas’ lips did he part. 

_Damnit…I wasn’t finished_ Maeve thought as Nikolas pulled back. He smiled in triumph at her.

“Disappointed?” he asked her in a low and enticing voice. Those words were a whisper across her lips. It stole her breath away, and left her wanting far more.

“Only that it ended so soon,” Maeve replied. Her voice was low, sultry, practically asking for more than just that one kiss. Nikolas leaned back in his seat, his arm around Maeve’s shoulders as he thought about her words.

“Sadly, that is where I must turn this into a more…business like opportunity,” he said with a mocked tone of sadness and regret. “I hope you will understand.”

Maeve was quite certain she understood. This was a brothel, and he was a man selling his services to make a living. Granted, Maeve honestly wanted to pout about that, given Nikolas was definitely A material in these matters. So, Maeve was content to pout, and be dramatic. She sighed heavily and leaned into Nikolas’ slight embrace.

“I quite understand,” she said with breathy disappointment. “Ever since that wretched traitor became king, things have not been looking up for many of us.”

Nikolas seemed to be rather interested in that statement. His body seemed to still, and he turned to regard her for a few more moments. Perhaps he was trying to figure out if she was being serious or just stringing him along. He leaned back and placed an arm around her shoulders to draw her close. 

“Is that not a dangerous thing to say within the king’s own kingdom?” he asked her. Maeve turned her head and looked at him with her own wicked grin plastered on her face. 

“Does that not add to the thrill?” she asked him. Nikolas returned her grin, but only a small one. 

“But if you were to ask if I meant it, then your answer is yes,” Maeve said as she took her drink by the handle and took a sip. “What I wouldn’t give to see that man rot away and pay for all he did…but such talk ruins the mood, let’s go back to discussing business.”

Laura was a character that did not like to talk about the things that reminded her of Alistair’s betrayal, not when there were more pleasurable pursuits available to her. Hell, Maeve would rather not have to continue to act like she hated King Alistair if she could help it. The king was attractive, hilarious, and cared about his people more than these so called revolutionists cared to know. If they could only see how much the people really supported the current king, maybe they would not be so inclined to oust him. Or perhaps they were too stuck on a potential grab for the throne?

Nikolas relaxed a bit. He leaned back and took another drink from Maeve’s pint. The cup set down with a dull thud of metal on wood. Then, Nikolas leaned down so that only Maeve could hear his proposition.

“I think I know someone you can talk to, gorgeous,” he whispered in her ear. Even his offers sent shivers of desire done her spine. Maeve glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Her eyebrow rose in the air and asked him the silent question.

“I offer you this information with the promise that you might become one of my clients in the near future,” he said. With that he moved away from her, and slid out from the booth. Nikolas then held out a hand to Maeve and helped her out of her seat. Maeve offered a few coins for the drink and followed Nikolas. They walked through a back door, and passed some rooms. They weren’t exactly sound proof, not when there were moans and groans of pleasure that were muffled behind the wooden walls. Nikolas did not seem to pay them any mind, and walked right passed them to another door. He opened it to reveal a large gathering room.

In it, there were several men and women sitting, and discussing in serious tones. But silence fell upon them as soon as Nikolas walked onto the threshold with Maeve in tow. All eyes in the room were looking at her with deadly daggers. The air in this room was more serious than the previous air of lust and desire. Maeve felt, in the pit of her stomach, that she would end up dead if she was not extremely careful. 

“I thought we told you to keep your _business_ out of here,” a man growled gruffly. Nikolas did not seem to pay them any mind to them. Instead, he walked with confidence, and pulled Maeve’s hand along with them. She wished he wouldn’t, as this place set all sorts of warning bells off in her head. But the man who snarled at Nikolas stood up and walked over to him to block his path. Maeve’s heart jumped into her throat at the sight.

_I’m going to die_ she thought.

“Are you deaf as well as dumb?” the man asked.

“Sadly, I do not take orders from low lives such as yourselves,” Nikolas said as though he were thoroughly irritated with the situation. It was almost as if this was nothing more than a minor inconvenience for him. Or he was so confident that his charms would somehow protect him.

“Your arrogance is liable to get you killed, friend,” someone else warned. And Maeve agreed. Even she could see that this situation was going to escalate into something she did not want to be a part of. But she knew that this was going to happen, that this mission was going to be incredibly dangerous. Nikolas sighed heavily and shifted his weight onto one foot.

“ _I_ pick and choose who I do _business_ with, and thankfully your dear Athelstan is one of my clients,” he said as though it were plainly obvious. “And unless he is just a poor businessman, I believe he granted me permission to come and go as I please…without trouble.”

Those in the room that had not yet spoken up turned their heads away from them. They were well aware of the apparent orders that Athelstan had given them. Yet there were two others that did not seem to take to the fact that a man, a prostitute, was able to walk in and out so freely.

“That may be true, but there is nothing about bringing women here, or other clients,” the other, the one who was sat in the distance. Maeve could feel the weight of those words as well as the stabbing stare from the person who spoke them. She chanced a glance and saw that he sat at a makeshift bar, his back leaning against it. 

“True, but I was hoping to bring this woman before Athelstan. I believe she could be of some use to him,” Nikolas said with more irritation. 

“We will be the judge of that,” the closest, and quite honestly, the most threatening of the two said. Nikolas straightened up just as the man in front of them did. All this posturing and challenging of authority would end with one of them hurt or worse killed. Then what would happen to her? Would Maeve be left to deal with these violent men and women? Would she be killed along with Nikolas? There was a slight prayer in the back of her head that Aaren might charge through those doors and save the day.

“Who will be the judge?” a commanding voice asked with the hidden tone of a warning. The others fell silent, damn near cowered away. Maeve chanced a glance out from behind Nikolas’ back to see a tall, hooded figure. Under the hood, there was a mask, near in Orlesian style, but with a Fereldan flare. Everyone seemed to look away from this person, feared this person. The one man who sat in the corner fell silent and turned from Nikolas and Maeve. The other, the one closest to them, did not seem to back down.

“Are you not the one going on about how careful we need to be?!” he demanded from the hooded masked figure. The figure moved so that his gaze was fully on the one yelling and shouting.

“I do hate it when you shout,” the masked figure said. His words were only slightly muffled behind the mask. But they were deadly, and with a purpose. Maeve glanced around the room and could see a few of the members present that glared at the loud man. They almost seem to plead for him to shut up and move on. 

“Ah, Stefan, a man who will listen to reason,” Nikolas said without fear. He took a step forward, only to be stopped short by a strong and aggressive arm.

“You’re going nowhere, _whore_ ,” the man growled threateningly. Then the man was blasted back. There was a rush of wind as the perpetrator was knocked off his feet and smashed into the opposite wall. Maeve’s jaw dropped in fear and awe. Others jumped away and nearly plastered themselves against furniture, or the nearest wall. All of them were fearful that they would be next to receive the same treatment. The man in question groaned and remained motionless.

“Now now, is that any way to talk to honored guests?” the hooded figure asked. There was a silence in the room, all except for the soft brush sound from Nikolas. He was cleaning off his shirt, as though he had dirt or dust on it. He also seemed like all of this was nothing more than a huge inconvenience. How could he be so confident that he would not be killed in this pit of vipers?!

“Forgive them Nikolas, some of them find your line of work…undesirable,” the hooded man, Stefan, said as politely as can be.

“I keep telling Athelstan that all of this pent-up aggression needs an outlet,” he said with a small shake of his head. “But I suppose it cannot be helped when there isn’t someone to properly suit their tastes.”

“I’m afraid it does not always boil down to carnal needs, Nikolas. Not to everyone,” Stefan informed simply. He then stood back and offered a hand to guide them through the fearful room. Nikolas had not let go of Maeve’s hand, and she had to thank him later for that. That was a pretty dicey situation, one that could have ended very poorly for all of them. Maeve could feel the doubt and anxiety starting to creep up in her mind as they walked passed the fearful crowd and down another long hallway.

“I must ask you, Nikolas, to perhaps send word to Athelstan if you wish to see him,” Stefan suggested lightly. Nikolas gave a soft chuckle.

“My dear, dear Stefan. I was told that I could come and go as I wished. As long as I brought good information to our dear Athelstan,” Nikolas said with a sultry tone. 

“Do not mistake that for doing whatever it is you wish,” Stefan warned. “He may be one of your _clients_ , but I will not tolerate anyone or anything that will pose a threat to him.”

There was a tension in the air that started to echo louder and louder with each passing step. Nikolas’ calm demeanor and confidence seem to shake under Stefan’s heavy warning. With all this talk of “clients,” and the nature of this place, Maeve was certain that Nikolas “served” Athelstan in more ways than just gathering information. And also judging by the way Stefan seemed to bite his words to Nikolas, it was clear that he felt more about Athelstan than a mere soldier and commander relationship. But that was all speculation until Maeve had something more concrete to go on. After a few more quiet steps, Nikolas seemed to regain his confidence after a few cautious steps.

“I know my place, Stefan, I will not endanger your precious Athelstan,” Nikolas said with a cool suave that had to have been practiced. Maeve was not sure how anyone could deal with these sorts of people, especially when they seem to threaten one another with simple looks or phrases. They were controlled by fear. If this was any warning as to what would happen should they let these people succeed, then Maeve was more motivated to stop them. They walked further to another set of doors and then Stefan stood right outside of them.

“Thank you, Stefan,” Nikolas said. The doors opened and in it was a more luxurious room. The hearth had a healthy flame burning away within it. There were couches that surrounded a table, a four-poster bed off to the side. By the hearth, a man stood with his arm over his head as he leaned against it. His eyes looked down at the flames, a calm and calculated look upon his face. Yet, there were lines that the fire played on that made him look tired, drained. 

“Athelstan!” Nikolas greeted with enthusiasm. The man let go of Maeve’s hand and crossed the room with open arms. The man, Athelstan, looked up from the fire and smiled. He then stood up straight and gave Nikolas a rather strong hug.

“It has been too long Nikolas. How have you been?” Athelstan asked. The man in question had short, reddish brown hair. There was a long scar that went from his right ear and came across his cheek and barely touched his upper lip. His clothes looked like that of a noble. A dark tunic with a matching vest. There was a sword that hung at his left hip, and a dagger on his right. He exuded a commanding presence. For all of his exhausted and tired body language, he still was able to feel threatening. Maeve was certain this was not a man that could be taken down easily in a fair fight.

“It has been such a bore without you around. My usual clients haven’t come to visit me in a while. I think they might have grown bored of my company,” Nikolas said in a near whine. Athelstan gave a light chuckle and separated from Nikolas.

“I doubt that they would have grown bored of you,” he said with tired confidence. Athelstan turned from Nikolas and slumped down in a crude armchair

“My word you look ragged,” Nikolas said as he looked over the man. “Could I interest you in a massage later?”

Athelstan held a hand up and shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary, Nikolas. But I appreciate the offer,” he replied. His gaze then looked to Maeve. She stood up straighter when she saw his gaze. It was like he was silently judging her character, boring through her entire being and straight into her soul. She hoped that he could not actually do that, as it would make for this undercover work all for naught.

“And who is this?” Athelstan asked Nikolas.

“She had the same hatred for the current king. Perhaps as much as you,” Nikolas said with confidence. There was a hardened glare in her direction. The mere curiousity was transformed into burning vengeance in those dark brown eyes.

“I highly doubt that,” Athelstan murmured in a small whisper.

“After what has happened since that traitor stole the thrown from King Logain? I believe we might be matched,” Maeve managed to get out. Laura would have been bold with that statement, felt challenged to let everyone know just how much she hated Alistair. She had to believe in her alias, to be as confident as Zevran had made her sound. Even if that meant she had to do things that she did not necessarily agree with.

Athelstan regarded Maeve with a stern and threatening look. 

“What is your name?” he asked.

“Laura,” she said in swift arrogance. Athelstan looked over at Nikolas who had the same confident smile on his face. He then looked back at Maeve with a serious look.

“You do realize that you are standing in front of the one man that is planning to throw out that pathetic excuse for a king?” Athelstan asked as he slowly stood up. His footsteps echoed against the stone as he approached Maeve. His posture was a warning, that he could and would kill her to meet his goals or if she so much as threatened them. Maeve swallowed hard as Athelstan came to stand just a few feet from her. Now with that information out in the air, there was no turning back. Maeve could not refuse him, lest her life be forfeit.

“I’m well aware,” Maeve answered quietly. Any louder and her voice would crack with the chocking grip of fear that was around her throat. 

“And what can you do that would add to this cause?” he asked quietly, threateningly.

“I watch and I listen, two things that people seem to ignore when they see a poor woman on the streets,” Maeve replied with as much venom as she could into that sentence. Athelstan looked over his shoulder to Nikolas then back down at Maeve.

“Well… _Laura_ , you’re in luck. I could use more eyes and ears on the streets,” Athelstan said. He then walked away from her and waved his hands at Nikolas. Air filled Maeve’s lungs as she breathed away the tension. She had not realized that she was holding her breath all this time. Nikolas then walked to Maeve and grabbed her hand and led her out of the room. Stefan then entered after they left, and the door closed behind them with a click. 

“I suppose we caught them at an inopportune time,” Nikolas said to Maeve. “He is usually far friendlier than that.”

“Seemed to me like he was exhausted,” Maeve said. Nikolas sighed heavily.

“Poor man is always running around, making sure that all of his supplies and men are well stocked and trained. It is a wonder that he gets any sleep at all,” Nikolas said with worry in his voice. Any man would be irritated, or woman for that matter, if they were suddenly intruded upon and asked to deal with a new recruit. This Nikolas seemed to take arrogance to a whole different level. 

“How can anyone rest with that monster still sitting on the throne?” Maeve continued her acting. Nikolas looked a little more disappointed.

“I suppose I did ruin the mood…and I never did discuss a business opportunity with you,” he said as he placed a hand on his hip. Maeve’s eyebrow rose in question. There was that familiar smile upon Nikolas face, the one that she remembered from when they met not too long ago.

“Perhaps I might offer one night, free of charge as an apology?” he suggested. Maeve thought about it. After what just happened, she might have welcomed the chance for a nice distraction like this one. But she knew nothing about Nikolas, nor was she willing the chance for a deadly disease from his line of work. She also was not sure what sort of measures, if any, they went to prevent things like that. Maeve gave a huge sigh and did her best to look drained and dramatic.

“If the mood had not been ruined, I might have taken you up on that offer,” she said with a light whine. “I think I’d rather be away from this…tension…”

“I quite understand. Being in the presence of such unruly people can do that to you,” Nikolas said with the tone of disappointment. “I’ll at least show you to your room.”

Nikolas walked in front of her and Maeve followed closely behind. With any luck, Maeve would be able to get the information that she needed and leave this place as soon as possible.


	33. Weeding Out Dishonesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaren might be on the road to healing, but it is a slow and painful progress. On top of feeling useless, Cullen has decided to withhold information. Will this be a make or break moment?

The loud clanging of steel against steel was a familiar sound that echoed against the cold stones of Skyhold. Aaren struck on a down swing, hard. Ian blocked with his shield and grunted against the force of the blow. Every day, since she was able to pick up a sword, Aaren had worked hard to try and overcome the pain in her right shoulder. Her range of motion had slowly increased, but with prolonged use, the pain and weakness started to affect her in the worst way. Ian knew that, and would take advantage of that every time. It was not because he was cruel, but it was to help Aaren find a different way around her new weakness. If only it did not feel so frustrating to fail where she had succeeded before.

Ian roughly pushed on her sword with his shield, and slashed at her stomach. Aaren hopped back, just enough to feel the wind of the blow before she took a charging step forward. She used her shield to block a returning attack from Ian and then thrust her sword at his exposed shoulder. Ian used his own momentum to walk away from the blow and reposition himself in front of Aaren. The sword in her hand started to shake with the effort to keep it in her grasp. Ian saw it, and straightened up.

“That’s enough for today,” he said as he sheathed his sword.

“I was just getting started!” Aaren protested. Despite her words, her body betrayed her. Her hair was plastered to her forehead with sweat. Her breath was coming in short gasps, and her sword and shield trembled with the effort to keep going. Aaren was definitely past the point of “getting started.” Ian was impressed that they were able to go through the usual reps, and spar as long as they did, but he would sooner walk through the Fade before he pushed Aaren too far. 

“Aaren…” Ian said in a low voice. Aaren sighed heavily and sheathed her sword. She knew she was at her limit, perhaps just a little beyond it. The place where she was shot…it ached the more she tried to grip her sword. She could feel it just hang there uselessly. With a glance down, she could see her fingers form a fist and then felt the pain as it shot through her shoulder just to keep it clenched. Ian then walked up to her and gave her a friendly and encouraging pat on the other shoulder.

“It will heal,” he said calmly. “Just give it time.”

“Unfortunately, Ian, we do not have a lot of time,” Aaren said softly. She walked away from her second in command. Nothing was worse than the feeling that she could not help or perform the duties expected of her. It had been over two months…perhaps longer, since her brush with death and the start of her healing…and yet she was moving by mere inches with little to no progress. The best she could do was apply her knowledge in other areas of expertise. Some of it was to help out Dorian with his research so that he might help her in hers. Occasionally she would ask Solas for advice on the matter, which usually led to a general discussion of ancient histories. That is, when Masamune did not growl at him all the time.

_It’s like I’m stuck here…_ Aaren thought as she fiddled with the leather straps on her armour. Ian would have made sure to report Aaren’s progress to the healers, namely Robin. Robin would then order her out of her armour and stretch and ease her pain. That is, in a more of a bossy rude fashion than Aaren would have liked. That is partly why she decided to retreat to her own room and take care of herself before the replacement mother hen could find out.

“Come on Masamune, let’s go back,” she murmured to her wolf. He pricked his ears forward and then stood up from his resting place. Both of them made their way to her quarters, where she slowly, carefully, took her armour off. Masamune found a new place to lay down in his comfortable bed, and Aaren struggled. Each time she reached up to try and untie a strap with her right hand, her shoulder would protest with a sharp jolt of pain.

_Will I ever heal?_ She asked herself when she winced.

“Why do you always do this to yourself?” the familiar scolding of Robin echoed in the tiny room. That question followed by the click of a door closing into its frame. Then Robin swatted Aaren’s hands away and helped unlatch the straps. A scowl replaced Aaren’s grimace.

“Because I have to be the one to do this for myself like every other soldier in this castle,” Aaren retorted with a bit of bitterness. Robin sighed as she took a step back. It was an argument they have had back and forth for a long time. Robin wanted to coddle Aaren, to slowly allow her to acclimate to her job without straining herself. Aaren, on the other hand, was adamant about just doing the job and allowing her body to get used to it. Both of them wanted the same thing, but the road they wanted to take was vastly different. 

“You can’t be a soldier if you are going to push yourself till you can no longer lift your sword,” Robin snapped angrily. Aaren then turned to face Robin with a sharp glare.

“And you think I don’t know that?!” Aaren snapped back. “I cannot let that stop me from progressing!”

“You won’t be able to continue to progress if you destroy what has healed!” Robin yelled loudly. Aaren got quiet after that. She hated yelling of any sort, if anything she would actively find shelter away from the shouting. Especially if the shouting was out of anger or hatred. Masamune was already up and slowly walked to Aaren’s side. His tail was down, not quite tucked, but his ears were flat against his head. It was almost as though he crept to Aaren’s side. There was a small wag when he saw Aaren’s eyes fall to his but it quickly steadied to a stop. Even he could sense the tension between the two women. 

Robin stepped forward again, her hands out stretched to help Aaren with the rest of her armour but Aaren smacked her hands away. A terrifying glare came up as their eyes met and Robin never thought she would see such a look from her commanding officer. The might as well have been a fire behind her eyes, as well as a silent threat or warning. Robin was sure this was the same look their enemies got upon meeting their fierce commander…and it was different to be on the receiving end of it.

“Get out,” Aaren murmured softly. That was how anyone in the Wolf Warriors knew that Aaren was furious with someone. When her own raised voice suddenly dropped to something below a whisper. Some speculated it was because the loudness of her words would not reach anyone else, and that they would have to really pay attention and strain to hear important words. At least, to those that were truly listening for them.

“But you-“

“I said leave,” Aaren repeated. She turned from Robin, and struggled out of her armour without Robin’s assistance. Robin, on the other hand, was left with a decision. Leave, and let Aaren cool down and possibly hurt herself in the process, or stay and do the right thing for Aaren regardless of the consequences.

“Looks like I might have come at the wrong time,” a familiar voice broke the tense silence. Both Robin and Aaren looked behind them to see the Inquisitor standing there. Or rather, he was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“Inquisitor,” Robin gave a salute. Aaren looked away. Masamune brushed his body along Aaren’s legs, perhaps to entice her to pet him and soothe the anger she felt. Hal looked straight over at Robin and gave her a small head jerk in the direction of outside the room. Robin opened her mouth to say something but closed it again. There was no arguing with the Inquisitor on such matters. Swiftly, she left the room. Her footstep echoes faded the further she got away from the room.

“…Is there something I can do for you, Inquisitor?” Aaren asked. Hal watched as she winced out of her armour. He watched as her arm huge unmoving at her side. He watched as she struggled to put away her things without the help of others. All of this done in silence.

“You should really learn to let people help you,” he said softly. Aaren gave him a light glare.

“It is not about accepting help, it is refusing to be babied,” she corrected him. More often times than not, the people of Skyhold would take the so called “burden” of her job out of pity for her current condition. They felt sorry that she did not have the usual strength in her arm, that she could not perform her duties as before simply because she was wounded on the battlefield. Aaren didn’t need their pity, she needed to regain her strength and return to her usual duties. Pity was for those that had hit rock bottom and had no way of getting back up. Aaren was far from rock bottom and she refused to get anywhere close to it.

“I don’t think anyone in your squad wants to baby you. Ian certainly isn’t,” Hal commented. He then lifted himself from his currently leaning position and walked into the room. Aaren scowled a bit at the Inquisitor as he approached.

“At least Ian knows when my limits are…everyone else would rather see me in a tower, locked away so as not to get into any more trouble…or not to gain any more injuries,” she bit out angrily.

“That is your frustration getting the better of you, and you know it,” he said calmly. Aaren flashed a warning glare at him before she looked away. He was right. She was letting her pent-up frustration and anger at Robin to get the better of her. But that did not mean she was just going to calm down easily. 

“But you are not here just to tell me things I already know,” Aaren tried to change the subject. Hal gave a sigh. There was a flash of worry across his face, and he rubbed the back of his head. Whatever it was, it ate at him.

“I want to tell you, believe me, I do…but I am not sure you’d do well with that information, angry as you are,” Hal admitted. Well at least he was being honest. Aaren took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. If there was something that Hal wanted her to do, then she would be willing to listen, at least the focus would then be redirected to something that required her to be calm.

“Hal,” Aaren pleaded softly. Hal was well aware that words like that only peaked Aaren’s desire to know the information. That was how Aaren was. She could shift the focus of her ire and stamp it out for later if it meant that she was able to help others. Sadly…the information that Hal had was not going to give her the calming effect that she thought she would get.

“Cassandra has informed me that the Commander is struggling with his position, questioning if he competent enough to continue his job,” Hal explained slowly. “I suspect it has something to do with his Lyrium withdrawal.”

Hal watched Aaren start to turn from a somewhat calm and collected to slow and worried surprise. The Inquisitor was aware that Aaren was working together with the Commander with helping those that wished to leave their duties as a Templar. He had heard many complaints about Aaren’s invasive questions. Most of the complaints were due to the fact that Aaren needed to know specific of the withdraw symptoms. The Templars that were here were none too happy about such an investigation, and the Chantry certain was upset about it. But Hal supported Aaren and Cullen both, since they were trying to help those who were too old to serve, and for those that no longer could serve due to severe injuries and the like. Some might have a change of heart, but for him, he was certain the Maker would be with them in that decision.

But for Aaren, this was huge news. There was a possibility that the Commander was worried that this new news would add to her worry. Hal had to agree with the Commander on that one, but he could not keep that information from Aaren. Not any longer. Hal had just come back from a meeting and the Commander was particularly unfocused today. He had never seen Commander Cullen struggle to string sentences together, or focus at one of these meetings before. Both Leliana and Josephine were concerned for his health and silently agreed to end the war council early. It had been a few weeks since the Commander requested this information to be secret. 

“Why wouldn't he talk with me?” Aaren whispered lightly. She closed her eyes in an attempt to rein in her current storm of emotions. There was the worry. Was he eating enough? Was the tea she had found to work now invalid? Was Cullen in pain? How much pain? Then there was the frustration. How could she not see that? She had gone to his office several times and asked if he was feeling alright. There was no evidence that he was hurting during those times. Plus, he actively came to make sure she was doing alright with her new training. How could she not see his pain and struggle?! Then there was the anger. How could the Commander not come to her for help? Did he forget they were working on this together? That she asked for him to tell her when things got serious?!

“I think it was because he did not want you to worry,” Hal answered her calmly. He then shrugged off Aaren’s nasty glare.

“He didn’t want to add to your worry. We both know that you tend to take on the burdens of others as well as the burdens of yourself,” the Inquisitor added. Aaren sighed angrily and walked to her desk. Her arm flopped painfully with how sharp she turned from Hal, and she gave a hiss of pain. She could feel Hal watching her, could feel the pity that she did not want, and it only added to her frustration of the current situation. 

“Here,” Hal’s voice was far closer than she realized. Aaren looked to see the cloth she used as a sling for her arm. In recent days, she tried to keep it off as much as possible and force herself to work her arm daily. But now…it seems she needed it. Aaren, begrudgingly, stood up and allowed Hal to help set the sling properly. 

“Was he doing okay today during the meeting?” she asked. Hal hesitated as he tied off the knot.

“I think today was one of the worst days,” Hal answered quietly. Aaren sighed heavily again. She knew that her so called “remedies” were mere attempts to help soothe the symptoms. But even then, the body could easily get used to simple remedies or perhaps it was a bad day but it could be worse without them…or perhaps a combination of a bad day plus his body becoming immune to these “remedies.”

“Thanks for letting me know Hal,” Aaren said softly. She then walked from him, briskly, and exited the door. Her feet carried her over the stone halls of Skyhold, and swiftly to the Great Hall. From there she walked through Solas’ room and out onto the bridging walkway between Solas’ room and the Commander’s office. The more time she spent thinking about it, the more the frustration built. She could have done something, changed something so that it might help Cullen out more. Yet he refused to speak to her about it, and for what? With one easy bash, Aaren slammed the door open.

“When, exactly, were you going to tell me?” Aaren asked angrily. The soldier that was in the middle of a report to Cullen had jumped three feet into the air with fright. Okay, not exactly the best entrance from a Captain in the Inquisition Army, but Aaren could hardly control herself. But realizing the error she had with the soldier she gave a soft apology to the soldier only to return her sharp gaze back to Cullen. The Commander didn't seem to notice much and waved to the soldier so that he and Aaren might speak in private. The soldier half saluted and booked it out of there. 

“It wasn't as important as your health. I was going to tell you when I was sure you were going to be okay,” Cullen explained gently. Worrying about her health was no excuse for withholding information. It was months since she was last holed up in the infirmary, so she could handle that information.

“I've been healed enough to be sent to Denerim and back. Not once did you tell me,” Aaren said with a little more bite than usual. Cullen looked up at her. His face looked tired, more so than usual and the color was scarcely there. Today looked particularly bad, and a small feeling of pity helped harness her current anger and frustration.

“I didn’t feel it was a priority,” Cullen admitted plainly. Aaren nearly gawked. How was that not a priority? So, he really did forget that they were working together to help any other Templar looking to break their Lyrium collar. That meant that, even if Aaren was still recovering, she needed to know new developments as soon as they happened. He could have at least written down a note or something. 

“Not a priority? Cullen, this is your health!” Aaren half shouted. “This isn’t just something silly as getting shot in the chest, this could kill you!”

“That shot in your chest almost killed you!” Cullen snapped back with anger and worry that gave Aaren pause. She saw the flash of pain across his face, but not one of physical pain. There were many people that Aaren was close with, Maeve included, who were continually worried about her since that day. Varric seemed happy enough to tell of her heroism and the brush of death. Dorian seemed to pour his heart into her research on Lyrium and occasion came up with new translations from books that came pouring in from all over Thedas. Cullen…like the Tower of Ferelden, did not like speaking about her near-death experience. Maybe comparing it to her recent brush with death wasn’t a good idea.

“Cullen, this isn’t like a physical wound, this is so much more than that,” Aaren implored.

“I don’t have time to argue over this, Aaren,” he replied with a heavy sigh. It was almost like he was dismissing her pleas. “It’s not a concern right now, the Inquisition is.”

Aaren looked shocked. There was no reason to speak like this. Cullen had always listened to her, regardless of the day or his condition. Perhaps this was affecting him in more ways than one? Or was this some way of coping with the cravings?

“Cullen, I’ve been trying to research this stuff for months, and you agreed to let me know when that herbal tea was not working to help with the harder side effects of the Lyrium withdrawal. We were working together on this,” she continued. 

“I didn’t think it was time to tell you. You had other things to worry about,” Cullen answered. He rubbed his face to free it of any weariness or pain. Aaren heard his words, and heard the tone within them. He did not want to speak to her about this, and yet she persisted.

“That’s not the point,” Aaren snapped angrily. “Cullen if this stuff is like a double-edged sword. This stuff may have helped you with your powers before but it eats at your mind. And so does the withdraw! You’re the Commander of the Inquisition, a position you wanted. You need to take care of yourself!”

It wasn’t the fact that Cullen wasn’t cooperating with her, it was the fact that he seemed so out of character in that moment. Usually his irritability made him short with other people but it was not enough to completely chance his demeanor. He’d been overly protective of her, completely obsessed with worry. But now…now he was shutting her out, pushing her further away from him. The complete opposite of the person she knew Cullen to be. 

“I’ve already told you, if it gets worse, Cassandra will replace me,” Cullen reminded. “Our biggest concern is taking out Corypheus!...How did you find out about this?”

There was the evidence that she needed to know that Cullen was withholding information from her. And that hurt far more than him currently dismissing her claims. Of course she was concerned about Corypheus! Everyone was!...

 

Those words echoed in the back of Aaren’s head. Now that she was not so focused on her, she could see the truth and importance of those words. She could see how it applies to even this situation.

“The Inquisitor let me know,” Aaren answered truthfully. 

“That was private information that the Inquisitor doesn't have the right to share,” Cullen said angrily before looking away and speaking the last sentence quietly. “I didn’t want this to happen.”

That hurt. That hurt Aaren far worse than anything else. What did he mean by that? He was going to lie about his condition? Why would he want to lie to her? Aaren could feel tears threatening to spill forth. How could he do this? Lie like this? Aaren blinked back that threat of tears even if it seemed to be futile. Her fists balled up in rage and hurt that Cullen seemed to be so unaware of.

“He was worried about you, _and_ knew I was trying to help you. He did it because he is worried about you!” Aaren defended Hal and his decision. In all honesty, she wanted to walk away right then and there. She was getting too emotional, too irrational to continue this argument in any sort of fair capacity. It was after that that she would start to say things that she did not truly mean.

“I appreciate the sentiment but this isn’t about me. I shouldn’t be the priority here,” Cullen said. He was oblivious to what sort of wound he just inflicted upon Aaren. Not that Aaren was making it particularly easy to see…not just yet.

“You have got to be kidding me!” Aaren muttered to herself, throwing her hands in the air with frustration. “You are the one leading the god damn army for the Inquisition! How in the hell is that not a priority?!”

“I don’t have time to worry about myself,” Cullen said angrily. “I have men to think of, plans to make, and I need to take care of you!”

Any other time, those words might have made Aaren feel special, but currently they were just stings. Cullen needed to worry about himself and his current state of mind. Yes, Aaren was the last person that should have said anything about selfcare, as she was the worst example possible, but at least her wounds were physical.

“You can’t do that when you are in pain and tired like this!” Aaren snapped at him.

“I told you. I am fine!” Cullen emphasized every word angrily, glaring at Aaren. She had had enough.

“Yeah, just like I was fine with a god damn hole in my chest, but did you listen to me when I said those words? Noooo. There will be a point, and I’ve seen you get so exhausted you can’t think straight, where it feels ten times worse! Then what? You going to lie about that too?” 

Aaren lost her energy with that last sentence. Her voice had cracked and her resolve had broken. Tears flowed forth and carved streams down her cheeks as she glared angrily at Cullen. The Commander took one look at her and instantly felt regret. 

“I’m sorry Aaren…” he said softly. He couldn’t look at her, not when she looked so wounded and hurt by his words. Not when there were tears running down her face. 

“Yeah…I’m sorry too…” Aaren said in a voice barely above a whisper. She walked to the door and slammed it shut as she exited. This couldn't be happening. This could not be happening. Tears streamed down her face, and she could care less who saw her at this point. Cullen had lied to her, _lied_. The one thing that she hated the most, the one thing that she could not stand. How could he do that to her? She practically ran, despite the pain in her shoulder. Her feet carried back to her room and she slammed that door shut too. Sobs shook her shoulders as she steadied herself against the back of the closed door with her good hand. Slowly, she slid down, and held her limp arm to her chest. It hurt worse that usual, burned with the same intensity as her sorrow.

“Why?...” she whimpered out as the tears she shed were in anguish.

~

It had now been a few days since Aaren’s initial fight with Cullen. The usual happiness that she felt was only replaced by the empty sadness. Her work was suffering, her research was suffering, everything seemed to lose the usual life and spunk that she enjoyed. For now, she sat outside, with her legs hanging off of the stone wall as she sat on the embrasure and leaned against the supporting stone of the merlon. The wind gently cooled her clothes as the sun beat down warming rays. She found herself staring out into the distance, losing herself in the landscape. It was far better to lose her mind here than to drown it in a drink…or that is what she kept telling herself in order to refrain from falling down that slippery slope.

“Aaren?” a voice called gently. Aaren didn’t move much. She looked over her left shoulder to see the brim of a rather large and familiar hat.

“Hi, Cole…” she replied with a small sigh. The spirit only seemed to show up when she felt particularly strong about something…or if she was on a walk from a reoccurring nightmare.

“I could hear you from the stables…” he said simply.

“……am I that loud?” Aaren asked with a mocked laugh. She’d learned to get used to Cole and his desire to help. She also was used to the fact that he would usually blurt out whatever was on her heart regardless of asking for permission. It was only a matter of time before he did so.

“I thought I might try to be…polite,” Cole answered the unspoken question. Aaren looked over at him again. It took a small moment for Aaren to think it over. If she really wanted answers, she should ask Cullen himself…but when the answers she sought were because of things she was already aware of…like the reason he was acting strangely was because of his withdraw…or was it something else?

“It hurts, badly, stinging bleeding, aching in a way I never thought before,” Cole started. 

“Better sit down, Cole,” Aaren interrupted him. She patted the spot beside her. Cole then slowly climbed up the wall and sat beside her. Then the silence followed their conversation. Aaren half expected Cole to start talking where he left off. 

“I tugged too hard again,” Cole said as a statement.

“Well…it’s complicated,” Aaren replied.

“You always say it’s complicated,” Cole said with a tone of exasperation.

“Because it is,” Aaren murmured. Perhaps it was better to let Cole search for how complicated it is.

“I tug on the knots and they bleed… not another one, just words that don’t mean what they say. Sentences that paint an innocent man in a dark light. Every time, every day, it’s just another tall tale, a fib, something to slander his name,” Cole said. Aaren didn’t like it, digging up the past, but it was the past that shaped her opinion, her hardships that made this part of her relationship with Cullen, this hiccup or rather huge mountain, so much more painful…scary…

“They thought they were right, that it would save me, but it only taught me to hate, to hurt, to harm. I don’t want to be that monster…there are many monsters, many who use it to their advantage. Why why WHY?!” Cole shouted with the exact same anger that was in Aaren’s heart. Aaren took a deep breath and tried to force her rage back. But when Cole was fully in her head, despite her best intentions to face her fears, it only served to make her more frustrated and angry at her own situation.

“I tugged too hard again,” Cole stopped himself.

“I was letting you see how complicated...you…could have gone deeper…” Aaren said softly. Cole looked over at her with a confused look.

“You say that, but it hurts. More than hurts, it is agony. Like a hot knife onto flesh, burning, lingering… but you know to face it gets rid of the hurt, heals the wound, a salve for the gaping wound in your heart,” Cole replied cryptically. Aaren gave a cynical chuckle.

“This _gaping wound _has been around for a very long time,” she said with irony.__

__“Eighteen years, ripped open, thrust in salt, never let set or stitched together. Only a small six years to let it heal over, to let time close the gap…but every time you want to heal you are angry, and you think a monster inside of you will take over as soon as you forget so you keep it open and sore,” Cole said._ _

__“I never said I wanted to forget,” Aaren corrected._ _

__“Sometimes you do…sometimes you wished you didn’t have the nightmares. To forget as I make people forget about me,” Cole pointed out for Aaren. The woman looked at him with a look of warning before reminding herself that she allowed for this to happen. She could have turned him away, told him to get lost and let her stew in peace._ _

__“True…but Cole, forgetting lets us repeat mistakes we want to fix,” Aaren said calmly as she could. “I want to forgive…”_ _

__“Ha! That isn’t want I want. I want her to burn! Suffer! To hurt as much as me! I didn’t care when she was in that crash! I hoped she was killed then the world would be free of one less demon! _I_ would be _free_!” Cole snapped then shook his head. The venom in Cole’s voice nearly sounded exactly as the thoughts in her head. Aaren felt sorry for him. Every time she had approached this subject, her inner demon arose. The hateful and spiteful self that she buried deep and fought to keep away from other people. _ _

__“But that isn’t you. You want to heal, but the hurt you have, the knots are so deep that when you pull it tears. It tears something far worse,” Cole said. “But that isn’t why you shout. Your pain is new…and mixes, tangles with old hurts. Twisting, warping until it can’t untangle.”_ _

__“Yeah…” Aaren sighed heavily. It was in defeat. She had never felt so low in her life, and considering that it was Cullen who made her feel this way, it was harder to talk about. She had yet to go to Maeve, who was currently in Denerim on some top secret mission. And this was far too personal to put onto a piece of paper and have it sent out._ _

__“He lied to me, _lied_ … Distracted, can’t quench the thirst, fearing lose, losing, lost in the sea of worry, drowning until I can no longer breath,” Cole started to read her mind and then there was a pause. The next sentence seemed to be from someone else. _ _

__“Cole…that’s not from me is it?” Aaren asked. She peered forward to look at his face. The boy’s eyes looked over to her and nodded once._ _

__“No. But you would want to hear him. It can help with the hurt,” Cole said. Aaren sighed heavily. It was true. She wanted to understand what was going on but she couldn’t. Those words were from Cullen’s mind, his heart, and it was not right to pry into such things. That too was complicated. People were so complicated._ _

__“At least you understand,” Cole then said. Aaren’s shoulder’s sagged. There was point when she wished she didn’t think so much, merely for the fact that Cole would easily read them. That and it was not so much as reading as it was “shouting” her heart when she thought she kept it locked away._ _

__“It’s…I don’t know what it is Cole,” Aaren finally said with a bit of bitterness. “What I want conflicts with the…with this…”_ _

__Aaren’s throat closed up and tears started to run down her face again. Words could not get past the knot in her throat. It hurt far worse than her shoulder. She was so confused. She loved Cullen, had proclaimed it before, and now it tore her apart to find that he lied to her to her face and wished to keep it that way._ _

__“That wasn’t him,” Cole then said. His tone was simple, as though it were an obvious fact._ _

__“What?” Aaren asked merely because she did not hear him. Her good hand wiped away the tears that formed an unending stream._ _

__“That was the old song trying to bring him back. He was fighting when you came in. He wanted to tell you, but it hurt. I should not burden her with this, she has enough to worry about. This would split her focus…” Cole trailed off. He then looked over with a sadder expression and gave a half shrug. “He hides it well behind his work…but I can still hear him…but you don’t want to hear it…not from me…”_ _

__Aaren shook her head. She wanted to hear it from Cullen. She wanted him to explain why he would do this…why he would lie to her face. But there was one thing that gave her comfort._ _

___It wasn’t him__ _

__Aaren could feel her heart just lift a little at those words. It was not enough to bring her back, to comfort Cullen, but it was enough to get her to calm from her irrational anger. Perhaps with a little more time, she might cool down enough to speak to him, and perhaps mend this crack that had been created._ _

__“I am glad I could help,” Cole said quietly. Aaren looked over to him and then patted him on the shoulder with a firm pat._ _

__“I’m glad you could help too…” Aaren said regardless of the inner thoughts of doubts, fear, and anger._ _

__~_ _

__Hal watched from a distance the way Aaren was acting. Her usual happiness was now just a façade. The way she interacted with the men was different now. She’d smile and joke around but there would be a hint of sadness in her eyes. There were occasions when Hal caught Aaren looking up at the Commander’s office with a forlorn look. It wasn’t like Aaren to be this caught up in her own emotion…at least for this long. Hal found himself standing on the battlements to Cullen’s office and looked down at Aaren. She fought against Ian in an effort to restore the strength in her wounded sword hand. Maker knows that she needed all the help she could get in order to recover from such a blow. Ian motioned for Aaren to take a break and Robin was right at her side to check on her arm. Aaren didn’t so much as fight back when Robin came over. Once again Aaren looked up to the office and nearly caught Hal’s gaze. She was quick to look away, and walk out of the training circle._ _

___This cannot continue_ Hal thought. He turned and walked to the door that separated the office from the outside. With a firm grasp on the handle, Hal opened the door with a sense of urgency._ _

__“Cullen, we need to discuss something,” he said. Cullen looked up to see it was in Inquisitor. Hal closed the door behind him while Cullen set his quill down._ _

__“As you wish Inquisitor. Though, I do seem to be short on time. As always,” Commander Cullen tried to sound as formal as possible. But there was a small deflated note in his tone._ _

__“Yes, but you will make time for this,” Hal replied with utter seriousness. “Since it is for your sake as well as for hers.”_ _

__The Commander furrowed his brows in confusion._ _

__“Inquisitor?”_ _

__Hal had to take a small breath before he let his temper get the better of him. It wasn’t just him that noticed the change between the two, it was nearly everyone in Skyhold. The rumors alone thought that there was a possible break up. Honestly this place was worse than a weaving circle with the way they allow gossip to spread. But the only way he was going to get the truth was if he asked one of them. Aaren was definitely not the one to ask, not when she was still focusing on healing and recovering. Not to mention this entire charade. The Commander was the better option seeming as he was the one that Hal talked with on a regular basis. At least they had some sort of work history that Hal could use to his advantage._ _

__“What exactly happened between you two?” Hal asked as he crossed his arms. Cullen looked away from the Inquisitor. In fact, he got up from his seat and walked to the window, back turned towards Hal. There was an air of sadness that filled the room._ _

__“I wanted to protect her…” he said simply. “She has so much she needs to deal with. I didn’t want to worry her…”_ _

__Like that was supposed to help. Hal gave another sigh and thought through the Commander’s words. If Cullen aimed to protect Aaren from something, then he definitely went about it the incorrect way._ _

__“Cullen, protecting her is like trying to protect Cassandra,” Hal pointed out simply. “I do not know what was said. You don’t have to tell me…I just know Aaren is trying to help you, and you didn’t necessarily make it easy.”_ _

__Those words hung in the air with a dead weight. Was it completely the Commander’s fault? Hal had seen him when Aaren was still in the infirmary, with the shadow of death looming over her. The Commander had suffered a great deal during that time._ _

__“Neither did she with the whole, playing with death again,” Hal quickly added. Cullen leaned against the stones that held up the wall. His gaze was out to the landscape outside of Skyhold._ _

__“This is not the easiest quest and I simply just wanted what was best for her,” Cullen stated without thinking his words through. He turned to see the Inquisitor and saw that he was frowning._ _

__“Then stop thinking of it as a quest and start looking at her as a person,” The Inquisitor said with a tone of severity._ _

__“I did not mean Aaren was a quest…I just…” Cullen let out a sigh before putting his head in his hands. “This whole relationship thing is very difficult.”_ _

__Now they were getting somewhere. This might not be with the initial start to the problem, but at least it would help with the root cause of this stagnation. Granted, Aaren also needed to come back and ask what was going on, but Hal was certain that she just needed time to cool her head before storming back in her for a diplomatic solution._ _

__“What’s the difficult part?” Hal then asked. “The fact that you are so in love with her that it scares you or the fact that if she were gone from this world you wouldn’t be happy again?”_ _

__There was a moment of silence between the two. Hal could understand Cullen’s position. Cassandra was like that for him. The endless nights had had sat down merely to put words on paper to just woo her…and then to finally be able to have that special moment…to hold her in his arms as his most beloved…it was the single most terrifying and yet wonderful moment in all of his life. And yet the fear of Cassandra possibly dying on the battlefield…just as Aaren nearly did…it froze him in place. The Commander looked to Hal with a look of understanding and the inevitable nod of confirmation came._ _

__“Both…” Cullen said quietly. “She means so much to me…when I thought…I don’t know how I can continue…”_ _

__“What do you mean ‘I don’t know how I can continue’?” Hal asked. He didn’t ask because he did not understand, he asked because he wanted the Commander to articulate it. Once he was able to say it, it would be easier for him to get past it._ _

__“If I were to lose her…” Cullen started, his face twisted in a painful expression. “I don’t know how life would continue…It would ruin me worse than this lyrium…”_ _

__Now that was saying something. Hal gave his next few words careful thought._ _

__“Have you thought about what she would feel like if the roles were reversed?” Hal asked with a careful tone. Cullen looked back out the window. He had thought about it…thought about the reasons why Aaren fought harder than most soldiers he knew even though she came from a world that did not demand the use of a sword. She protected those that were weaker, or could not defend themselves, stood up for those that were treated unfairly, and made sure their voices were heard. What was more, she fought harder when her friends were in danger. There were nights, vivid nightmares, of him watching as the first arrow struck her in the chest. There was a moment, a pause for the recognition of being wounded to sink in, then it was like she was more motivated to fight. The strength behind her blows had doubled, her struggles more than before…It was something that Cullen could not completely comprehend. Any other soldier would have succumb…any other soldier would have died right then and there._ _

__There were nights, when those other thoughts left him be, when he thought about how Aaren would have reacted should he be harmed in battle. Given that she was so dedicated and passionate for everything that she did, it was highly possible that she would be heart broken. Maeve had told him that he was her first romance of any kind, which is why she was so shy in the beginning. Now, she was a little more comfortable with him, even seeking out some sort of affection from him. He imagined that she would weep for him as she would weep for no other, that, should it happen, she would break._ _

__“Just…just as heartbroken,” Cullen said quietly. Hal shifted his feet. At least the Commander could see it from her side. But that left them in an odd place. Cullen had yet to express himself fully to Aaren. The fears he had, the worries. If anything, that is what added to the Lyrium withdraw symptoms. He had so much on his mind. The well being of the Inquisition, the soldiers, the supplies, the plans. On top of that, there was his personal life. No one else could possibly juggle such enormous weights._ _

__“Then why just sit here?” Hal asked. Cullen looked over at thru Inquisitor before he returned his gaze to the outside world. How could he explain it? The way she looked at him when she uttered those last few words._ _

___You going to lie about that too?__ _

__The way she looked at him with such a hurtful and pained expression. The moment when he realized she was crying because of something he said… or rather… didn’t say. That moment was the moment that he realized his Lyrium withdraw had finally hurt her. It wasn’t the sleepless nights that Aaren took upon herself, it wasn’t the time that she devoted to try and help him with his pain… it was him lashing out because he could not keep his own pain in check. And that demanded that he take time to seriously think this through._ _

__“I know that I had ordered you that you remain off the Lyrium, but you do not seriously believe you should end tour relationship-“ Hal began before the Commander turned to face him swiftly._ _

__“I never said I wanted that!” Cullen snapped before he realized what he had just done. Hal gave a small smile with the arch of an eyebrow to boot. That was the Commander through and through, at least when it came to matters about Aaren._ _

__“Forgive my outburst, Inquisitor,” Commander muttered softly. Hal held up a hand to stop him._ _

__“It was rude of me to assume that was your line of thinking. I am actually glad to see that isn’t the case,” he replied. “So I will ask again, why sit there?”_ _

__Why sit there indeed. Cullen would never voice this out loud, but he was more afraid that his words would only serve to hurt Aaren. Considering things thus far, he should have remembered that Aaren would often think things through too much. Perhaps not talking to her sooner did more damage than he could repair… what if…_ _

__“If you will excuse me, Inquisitor,” the Commander said. Hal nodded with a smile spread across his face. He watched as the Commander quickly opened the door to his office and rushed outside. But his footsteps slowed to a halt and his shoulders sagged._ _

__Aaren had already began riding for the gates of Skyhold. The red fur and antlers disappeared behind iron gates with an echoing clang. And Cullen’s heart sank. He didn’t have a chance to tell her he was sorry, didn’t have a chance to explain himself or to fix the situation._ _

__“Damn…” Cullen muttered. He would simply have to wait until she returned._ _

__~_ _

__Aaren rode back with a heavy heart. No amount of fighting bandits and renegades could take her mind off of the one thing that mattered to her. It also didn’t help that her shoulder ached far worse than before. Robin and Ian had watched her closely ever since they were assigned to hunt rogue Templar and bandits still remaining in the Hinterlands. They were, no doubt, ordered to make certain that she didn’t hurt herself while on this mission. Aaren knew. She knew that they all were aware of how much her arm was bothering her in recent times. Thankfully, Aaren was able to grit her teeth through most of the pain. But it did not hide the pain she now bore._ _

__“You over did it… again…” a voice beside her declared with a tone of annoyance. Aaren looked to her right to see the ever watchful eyes of Robin looking at her. A sigh escaped passed her lips. There was no getting out of the eye of such a mother hen._ _

__“I did not “over do it,”” Aaren replied in irritation._ _

__“Don’t give me that. You’re carrying it like –“ Robin started to dig into her before Ian held out an arm to silence the harsh word._ _

__“You tried to act normal, to allow yourself to do the job without giving into the pain as you have done in practice…and something doesn’t feel right does it?” Ian asked critically. Aaren didn’t looked back at him. It was true, she had tried to move exactly as she had done in the past, and that was only a test to see how well her sword arm actually could handle itself in battle. Just like any other practice day, it ached, but worse so. It hurt merely hanging there, which was part of the reason she cradled it on occasion. Then there was the fact that she nearly crumbled under the weight of the first true blow against her sword. It reverberated and felt as though she had been reinjured. That thought alone made her good hand grip her shoulder._ _

__“Let’s get you back and check on it,” Ian said. It wasn’t a suggestion, but an order. One that even Aaren found she was following. The rest of the ride back across the bridge to Skyhold was silent. The return to the stables was just as silent, with Aaren dismounting and holding her arm close to her chest so as not to jostle her shoulder too much._ _

__“Wait for the healer in your room. At least there you won’t be inclined to run away as fast,” Ian teased. That was to check if she was at all in a good mood. He watched her face, and saw no signs of a chuckle, not even a smile. All he saw was the slow turn and the retreat of a wounded Captain._ _

__“You don’t think that she’s given up?” Finn asked lightly._ _

__“Don’t be stupid, when has she ever given up on anything?” Allisen replied._ _

__“It has nothing to do with the wound in her shoulder,” Ian said out loud. He led his horse over to the tie and looped the reins around the designated pole. The rest of the group looked to one another, confused._ _

__“Then why is it she looks so defeated?” Finn asked. Everyone around him gave him a light glare. Ian was the one who laughed a little._ _

__“And that, Finn, is why you are teased as being the “oblivious” one,” Ian said. With that he walked away to the infirmary._ _

__~_ _

__Aaren walked up to her room and opened the door. It creaked lightly and Masamune slowly entered the room before her. He was just as tired from the run back to Skyhold and was content to lay in the small bed he had for himself. His pack leader walked into the room and closed the door quietly behind her. He watched as she walked to the table and lit one of the candles with a match and then cross to the window. Aaren sighed heavily as she looked out into the wilderness. Masamune then got back up and crossed the stone that was covered with a thick carpet, and stood next to his leader. A light whine escaped when the silence continued on._ _

__“I’m okay boy,” she said softly. Masamune didn’t seem to believe her. He brushed up against her leg, his tail wagging back and forth. That action at least made her look down at him. She looked so sad and in pain._ _

__“I can’t hide it from you either, can I?” she asked with a defeated tone. Aaren turned from the window and proceeded to slowly take off her armour. From her waist down was easy to take off, but as soon as she got to her torso…Aaren had to call upon her focus in order to breath through the pain. It was a slow and torturous process, but her chest plate came off slowly. Her gauntlets, vambraces, and then the chainmail. All the while, her lame arm unable to lift up above her shoulders. There was a soft knock at the door as she lay her mail on the chest that set at the end of the bed._ _

__“It’s open,” she called. The door opened and in walked a healer, and Ian. The healer, an elf, motioned for her to sit down in one of the chairs while he inspected the range of motion on her right shoulder. The healer was experienced, as he could figure out exactly when it began to hurt for Aaren before she could voice her pain._ _

__“Hmm…” the healer said with more of a curious tone. Aaren looked up to Ian who gave a small shrug._ _

__“It’s sore, I’ll give it that much,” he said as he tried to feel her muscles through her cotton shirt. Aaren winced. She never really liked massages, but when most of her back and neck were full of knots and hurt to break up. This one felt worse than that._ _

__“I suggest to stop using it for a day or two, see if the pain fades away. If that is the case then it is possible that your newly healed shoulder is just adjusting,” the healer concluded. There was the feeling of warmth and a faint glow as the pain seemed to subside and fade away._ _

__“That spell will at least last the rest of the night so you might rest properly,” the healer informed. “It will hurt more in the morning.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Aaren said with a nod. The healer gave a slight nod of his head and then left. Only Ian remained in the room. Aaren sighed heavily and rolled her shoulder a little bit. Masamune came over and shoved his head in her lap and she resigned to patting it._ _

__“Was the argument that bad?” Ian asked. Aaren stilled in her seat. Now Ian was on thin ice. He would have to tread carefully if he was to get to the bottom of what was truly going on. At the very least, to spur her to go talking to the man before things got worse._ _

__“There was a soldier that spread the horrible rumour that you and the Commander had a huge argument,” he continued._ _

__“Ian…” it was the only warning he was going to get. Ian closed his mouth and shifted his weight. He went to say something else but there was firm knock on the door. Aaren looked over at the door as Ian went to answer it._ _

__“Commander?” Ian asked with more surprise than confusion. Aaren wasn’t sure what to feel in that moment. There was part of her that wanted to turn him away, to act childish and rude. But there was another part that was elated, happy, joyous that he had come to see her. Both of these feelings clashed and she remained still in her chair. Masamune’s tail wagged furiously, and he swung his head to greet his second favorite person._ _

__The Commander looked from Ian to Aaren and then back to Ian. Normally there would have been some witty banter between them. Aaren was certainly casual with the men and women under her command and made no effort to correct such behaviors in front of Ian. And Ian in particular had become some what of a friend after Aaren had run out into the wilderness unattended. This silence in the room was foreboding._ _

__“If you would, leave us,” he tried to be nice about it, but the tone seemed to come off more tired than usual._ _

__“Ser,” Ian said in response and then left as quickly as he could. All Aaren could do was watch as Cullen walked through the door and closed it behind him. He turned slowly to look at Aaren and she looked back at him. She could see the lines of tension in his face, the weariness, and the slight sheen of sweat on his brow. It was at once that her own feelings fell away and were replaced by worry._ _

__“Cullen,” she said as she stood up. He held up a hand. A hand that shook ever so slightly. Aaren’s eyes widened._ _

___The withdraw_ Aaren though with more worry._ _

__“Forgive me…” he said murmured softly. Aaren wanted to cross the room but that hand remained up to stop her. It looked as though he was using all of his concentration just to stand. Aaren refused to stand still any longer. She walked to his side, even as he held an arm out to stop her._ _

__“At least sit down,” she insisted. Her hand wrapped around his wrist and she tugged with some strength. To Aaren’s surprise, Cullen followed without much resistance. That was the most worrying thing out of all of this. Normally he would be this strong pillar, or at the very least resist her out of habit. Cullen was too stubborn to let anyone push him around. He’d be the one to give orders, to stand up and take the lead where there was no one else. To see him be led willingly was near terrifying._ _

__“I never meant for this to interfere…” he half whispered. Aaren had him sit in the very same chair that she was sitting in. His weight nearly gave out from under him, and he collapsed. Aaren had to catch him and set him up right in the chair with some effort. Damn the healer for numbing her useless arm. At least the pain would allow her the use of her arm instead of it hanging limp at her side. Calmly, she crouched down beside him and looked up at his tired face._ _

__“Are you okay?” Aaren asked. Common sense would dictate that that was a stupid question, as he was clearly not, but she wanted to give Cullen that opportunity to answer for himself. She knew how much she hated to have someone assume something of her, even if it was true or not._ _

__“Yes…” Cullen responded softly. His weary eyes met her worried ones and he looked away with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know…”_ _

__At least he was being honest with her. Aaren waited a few more moments before she rested a hand on his._ _

__“Let me get some tea going for you,” she suggested. At least that would help curb the symptoms, in theory anyway. It was certainly better to try something than to sit there and watch him suffer in silence like this. Aaren stood up and turned to walk away but felt something tug on her wrist. She looked back down to see that Cullen’s hand was around her wrist this time, and held her in place. There was a bit of shock, and confusion as Aaren stood there and waited for an explanation._ _

__“You have mentioned the Fereldan’s Circle, more than once…read the books, sure you must already know what happened there…” Cullen said with some difficulty. Aaren said nothing, and felt a pain in her heart. That tone was one of someone who did not wished to talk about the pains of the past. She too knew what it was like to get past that point, knew that, for her, talking was easier to step past the pain and grow away from it. From the sound of it, Cullen had not made it past that point. But she remained silent instead of answer him. Yes, Aaren had read about what happened in the Fereldan Circle, it was a part of the Hero of Ferelden’s story as well. That place was subjected to the cruelest of betrayals and those who were innocent died. Templars and Mages alike. Aaren was also aware that Cullen had been stationed there a long time ago. She gathered that it was something he didn’t want to talk about beforehand, and thus she did not press for details._ _

__“It was taken over by abominations, the Templars, _my friends_ , were slaughtered!” his voice grew from the soft weariness, to an angry roar. Aaren let him vent. There was not a time that she could remember where Cullen was like this. The headaches were one thing, the exhaustion another, but complete emotional breakdown like this was probably hidden behind closed doors. Aaren, no matter how mad she was at him, put that silly emotion aside and let him lash out his pain like this. The hand around her wrist seemed to tremble with his grip, even tighten slightly. Aaren turned to him as he continued._ _

__“I was tortured,” Cullen said with tired agony. “They tried to break my mind, and I…how can you be the same person after that?!”_ _

___You can’t._ Aaren thought. Moments like that forever change you. Scar you in some of the worst ways possible. They provide demons of doubt and fear to grow and constrict your personality and warp it into something that you didn’t want in the first place. Getting past those scars, that pain, that was something that marked true victors. But even then, that shadow of doubt, anger, and fear remain. Like a wolf at the edge of the campfire light._ _

__“Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall,” he continued. “I trusted my Knight-Commander, and for what? Her fear of Mages ended in madness….”_ _

__Cullen’s hand relaxed around her wrist. Then, slowly, he got up, against Aaren’s silent wishes, and walked slowly to her window to look out of it. There was a moment or two of silence. Aaren figured that he was thinking of the next few things to say, perhaps to gather the courage to speak again. Or perhaps to drown out the images of the past that haunted him. Whatever the case, Aaren waited patiently as Masamune would._ _

__“Kirkwall’s Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets,” Cullen then said with the utmost frustration in his voice. He looked from the window to Aaren with this mixed look of anguish, mourning, pain, and anger. It pulled at her heart._ _

__“Can’t you see why I want nothing to do with that life?!”_ _

__That was a declaration. It was not a question as the formula of words intended it to be. The tone gave it that hidden promise to oneself. Aaren, on more than one occasion, had said words in that exact tone of voice to more than one person._ _

__“I understand,” Aaren said but Cullen waved his hand in disbelief._ _

__“Don’t! You should be questioning what I have done!” he as he placed a hand over his face. “I thought this would be better, that I would regain some control over my life…but…these thoughts won’t leave me!”_ _

__That was the heart of it. Aaren realized that this moment, this was the moment where he thought he had lost his battle or was on the losing side of this battle in parting with Lyrium. Aaren did not have the same experience. She didn’t have that addiction in which she had to fight against in order to try and live a normal life. All she could possibly relate to was the struggle to pave a path to a normal life._ _

__“How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause! I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry! I should be taking it…I should be taking it!”_ _

__With the last proclamation Cullen shouted and then pounded a fist on the stone that framed her tall window. Masamune jumped at the rage that exploded in the room and nearly rushed to Aaren’s side. His fur brushed her fingertips. Aaren looked down at her friend with a worried look. She then looked back over at Cullen. The anger made her want to flinch, to run away as far from here, but Aaren remained. This was not anger towards her, it was not anger towards anyone in this room. It was anger towards himself…Cullen’s illusion that he was unable to be as useful to the Inquisition as he had been in the past. To be unable to give the same amount of dedication as his previous convictions. And that was the same anger that Aaren was very familiar with._ _

__With slow and careful steps, she walked forward. The leather on her boots echoed softly against the carpet that separated stone from shoe. Masamune remained where he was, his ears flat against his head. When Aaren was close enough, her hand reached out and carefully touched his shoulder. He didn’t move at her touch, so she spoke softly and calmly._ _

__“This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition,” Aaren stated simply. She felt the shift as he turned to look at her. There was confusion and denial in his eyes, and the lines of frustration on his face. Aaren looked straight up at him, unwavering._ _

__“It is _your_ choice…do you want to return to Lyrium?”_ _

__Those were not the meaning of her words. Those words might as well have formed “Do you want to give up?” Aaren stood still and watched as the conflict fought across Cullen’s face. She understood a little of that thought process. The doubt that came from facing change, the anger at oneself for being supposedly weak, then the slight bit of contemplation from her request. Aaren had faced those when she had first decided to never become the same person who gave birth to her, and she understood the fear and doubt that often times reared their ugly heads together. She also knew that Cullen could change if he wanted to. He was strong, had seen much in his life, and yet he still fought to help others and to be a better person even if he had so much abuse and torture his way. Aaren would stand by his decision, whatever that may be, but she would try and easy him back to his original vow of not taking Lyrium._ _

__“No…” Cullen sighed out. He rubbed his face with one hand and looked away from her. His shoulders slumped, as though he was ashamed of his doubt and anguish._ _

__“But…these memories…have always haunted me…if they become worse, if I cannot endure this…”_ _

__Aaren took a step and a half to stand by him. It was to show that she wanted them to be equal ground. With all the will in her body, she forced her sword hand to move into his and lace her fingers with his. There was some silence, until she could feel Cullen relax beside her._ _

__“The memories might fade over time,” Aaren then said. She wasn’t going to sugar coat it, not this. This was something that needed to be faced and faced head on. But that was the mentality for herself, for her pain that she still dealt with. And Aaren wanted to present her thoughts to Cullen, to show him that it can be done. Change can happen._ _

__“But they will come back sometimes. When you least expect it. When you think you have your life figured out,” she continued. “And those things will stay as a shadow in your mind. Ready to torment you as they see fit. The doubt will ruin you worse than the Lyrium might have physically…will ruin you far faster than the cold steel of a blade…”_ _

__Aaren took a breath and sighed. Now she wasn’t speaking to Cullen, she was speaking to herself._ _

__“But it is what you choose to do that determines whether or not you allow those demons to destroy what you have set in place. And there are three different ways to face these demons,” Aaren continued in mocked confidence. “The first is to complain about it. To do nothing and voice how much you hate the way things are and yet nothing will change. Then there is to give into the pain. To allow it to consume you till there is nothing left. And the last…last is…is to face it, to learn from those hurts and to find the one thing…the one thing that was positive about those horrible, horrible events that happened within your life.”_ _

__Aaren knew this was the hardest thing to say. Her experiences were quite lesser to what happened to Cullen, to what was happening around her currently, and yet it could be applied to all levels of hurt. For Aaren, it took a long time to find the small bits of good that ever came out of her life. But that was a long road of healing, and some days, it still felt as though she had walked out of that house just a few hours ago. The fingers around her hand tightened a little bit._ _

__“Had you spoken to me six years ago…I might have hit you for those words,” Cullen murmured softly. Aaren half turned her head from him. Had it been ten or twelve years ago, she would have hit herself as hard as humanly possible and then some._ _

__“Believe me…I still can’t say those words to myself some days,” she whispered. Her eyes looked over to him._ _

__“It took me six years to even entertain the idea of finding the good in what happened to me…and even then, I get irrationally angry… _irrationally_ …” Aaren continued and gripped his hand with hers. Her anger burned the brightest whenever she thought about the idea of “forgiveness.” Some things just seemed unforgiveable…_ _

__“And it took even longer for me to tell myself that if I wanted change, I needed to change…and that…that is something I will forever struggle with,” she stated and looked over at him fully. “But if there is one thing that I have come to understand. It is if _I_ want change, I _have_ to make that decision based on what is best for _me_.”_ _

__She emphasized the words “I”, “have”, and “me” on purpose. Those were the core principles that she had figured out determined the freedom from doubt and fear. To free herself from her abuser and to take life into her own hands. For Cullen, this would mean the decision to stay or step away from Lyrium for good._ _

__“So I ask, what do you want,” she turned to him fully. Cullen looked at her and then looked away._ _

__“I swore myself to the Inquisition-“_ _

__“I’m not asking about the Inquisition,” Aaren interrupted. His eyes snapped to her._ _

__“This decision is not about the Inquisition, it’s not about Templars and Mages, and it’s not about duty,” she said firmly. “Your decision to stay off of Lyrium…you said you wanted nothing more to do with that past life. If that is still something that you want, then step away from it.”_ _

__Cullen looked away from her. Aaren, lifted her left hand and touched his cheek. He didn’t look at her. Her sword hand, she let go of Cullen’s hand and forced with all of her might to make him look back at her._ _

__“Cullen, you _can_ do this,” she said to him. He looked down at her, and closed his eyes. His hand then took hers and he held it to him. The way he held her hand to his cheek was endearing, and made her heart flutter. _ _

__“It was your face that haunted me the most…the way you cried when…” he trailed off. Aaren looked up at him. She would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t still a little upset that he lied to her, but at least now she understood that it was not out of spite, but rather to defend her against his inner demons._ _

__“I knew I should have told you…but I did not want to burden you further…” Cullen explained. Aaren followed his gaze to the limp arm that hung from his own hand. She had lost the will to keep it up. The spell that held the pain back only helped to dull it. In reality, she was certain that it hurt like hell just to hang there. Aaren took a deep breath and sighed heavily. Her eyes looked away from him._ _

___This is supposed to be about you damnit_ Aaren thought to herself._ _

__“Cullen, if there is one thing that I am used to, it’s dealing with more problems than one human being can handle even on a sick day,” she said to deflect his attention. But Cullen gently lowered her arm and looked over at her._ _

__“What you survived is nothing sort of a miracle…and I have seen your frustration in the training ring…that is why I did not tell you,” he admitted. “I thought I was doing the right thing. To allow you to focus on yourself for once and not everyone else around you.”_ _

__“I thought you would know me by now. I thrive by sticking my nose in places it don’t belong,” Aaren teased. Cullen gave a small smile that faded and was replaced by that same look of weariness. Aaren’s heart ached at that look. He placed a gentle hand on her bad shoulder and looked at her._ _

__“The Inquisitor had ordered me to remain off of Lyrium before you came to speak with me…and I was still recovering,” he explained to her. Aaren nodded._ _

__“I’m sorry…for…for not understanding,” she responded softly. Cullen gave a faint smile. They stood in silence like that for a little while before Aaren was the one to pull him into a tight, one armed hug. The strength she had in that one hug was surprising and welcomed. In return, Cullen wrapped his strong arms around her and held her close to him._ _

__Secretly, Aaren hoped that this contact might allow Cullen to take the strength she had to push through this. She wanted so much to find the cure for this, to help him get past this and enjoy life as a man or woman without Lyrium in their blood would. But the other part of this was to make up for lost time. For being stupidly upset and angry and making something that was a small thing into a giant mountain. Neither of them seemed to desire to move, not when they were content to be like this for perhaps the rest of eternity. But a soft knock came at her door and Aaren pulled away enough to call out._ _

__“What?” she asked with a playfully sharp snap. Cullen half chuckled as he watched the door open Hal walked in with a surprised look that blended well into an amused smile._ _

__“I’m glad to see you two have made up,” he said and looked to Cullen. The Inquisitor gave a small nod and left. Aaren scowled at him and his retreating form, even as the door closed behind him. Cullen gave her a small squeeze and her attention returned back to him._ _

__“Ignore him,” he suggested. Aaren was pleasantly surprised but gave a small smile in response. She was more than willing to ignore the Inquisitor, especially when she enjoyed this quiet embrace._ _


	34. The Reason for Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeve has spent most of her time within the depth of the rebels that have threatened the safety of Denerim. Are her spy skills enough to keep her head above the dastardly dealings?

It was nothing but one dangerous encounter after another since Maeve took up her new spy position within the Rebel Army. None of Athelstan’s troops really trusted her or any of the other so called “rats” with whom she delivered reports to. Every time they would come into view, they did nothing but watch her with such scrutiny she swore that they could see right through the persona of “Laura.” That made it even harder to get information to Zevran. None of Zevran’s associates were easy to spot, and if Maeve even walked close to the castle, she would be reported to Athelstan directly. On more than one occasion, she had Nikolas step up to defend her actions, claiming that it was because she hated the king so much that she thought the best information would be if she begged on the streets nearest the castle gates. That worked for Athelstan but not for his right-hand man, Stefan.

Stefan was a man that did not want to leave anything to chance. Not his identity, not the plans, and certainly not the safety of their leader. The man remained hooded and masked, and he did not speak unless one of the other men were stepping out of line, which did not happen often. Maeve had only witnessed small spats in which Stefan used his magic to silence those that started the fights. Everyone else fell in line out of fear for their own wellbeing. That is where Maeve saw the biggest difference between Alistair and Athelstan.

Athelstan had yet to command his men up front. He had not shown his face once since Maeve started her double agent job, and all of his orders were run by Stefan. Alistair, on the other hand, would occasionally take his orders to his soldiers in person. The people around them had whispered of times when he personally went out to assist with the reconstruction of Ferelden after the Fifth Blight. Alistair was a man of the people, while Athelstan had yet to even step into that role. 

_I doubt that would make him a very good ruler_ Maeve thought to herself as she wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders. It was a cold business to have to be out here and look the part of a poor beggar. Even her dress that she wore was torn and looked as though it was thrown in the dirt. Even the smell of it was starting to make Maeve wish she had a chance to go take a bath and wash her clothes. A small sigh escaped from her lips. She had to look the part, and some sacrifices were harder to deal with than others. With a nervous look around, she braved a lean forward from her usual post and took note of who was on her street.

A few peddlers trying to sell their wares. Some drunken idiots that thought it was a good idea to get drunk in the early morning, or perhaps they were still drunk from the previous night. A few women walking down the alleyway at a quick pace and nervous looks. They did not look like they belonged here at all. But then again, some people took this alleyway in order to cut through the city faster. One of the ladies tripped up in front of Maeve and dropped a piece of paper. Being the nice individual that she was, Maeve instinctively picked up the paper and held it out to said lady.

“You dropped this,” Maeve said. The other lady pulled at her friend and sneered down at Maeve.

“Hurry up you klutz,” the woman said. Her friend struggled to her feet even as her friend practically dragged her away in a hurry. Maeve gave a small irritated sigh and had half a mind to chase them and teach them manners but that would really blow her cover. At least the people around here really believed that Maeve, or rather “Laura”, really was an undesirable.

_Maybe they should just stay away from this part of town next time_ Maeve thought to herself in a light tone of frustration. Now all she was left with was this nice looking piece of paper. Oddly enough, it still held the scent of the perfume that lady had. That made Maeve look a bit puzzled. No one here in Ferelden would wear such expensive perfume. The curiousity got the better of her and Maeve opened up the folded piece of paper.

_Follow the two women. You will be arrested on charges of theft. Play along._

Maeve looked down at the piece of paper, utterly and completely confused. Why would she be charged of theft? And why would they want her to play along? Upon closer inspection, she noted the Fereldan Seal in the lower right corner of the parchment. At first, Maeve’s heart dropped. It was a bold move to send her a message like this. That worry made her look around to see if anyone of Athelstan’s men were watching her. Thankfully, there was no one.

The early morning hours were a blessed opportunity to get away from such oppressive brutes. Did Zevran figure that out? Did he have someone spying on her movements to make a drop like this? Maeve would have to ask once she was inside the castle walls. Maeve looked around once more, just to be on the safe side, and then walked with mocked confidence after the two women that disappeared down the alleyway.

They were heading to the main market of the castle town. A place that could hide anyone that knew how to move amoung the throngs of people. It was also a great place to lose someone if they happened to be followed. But that was normally during the later hours of the morning and leading into later afternoon. This was early morning, and Maeve was not exactly certain how many people would be up at this hour. It was probably better to assume that the shop vendors were preparing their stores instead of actually conducting any sort of business.

“There she is!” a cry pierced through the air. Maeve halted. Barely out into the market and there she saw the two women pointing at her. The guards that surrounded them followed the direction their fingers pointed and then gripped their spears in their hands.

“Halt!” they cried at her. Maeve put her hands up in the air to show she was not armed. The soldiers started to rush her and intimidate her with their size and weapons.

“Hey! I just wanted to give this back!” Maeve shouted at them. She held the folded piece of paper and made sure that the Fereldan Seal was well concealed within the folds.

“You mean you stole it, you thief!” one of the women cried out. The other was clinging to the other and looked like she was about ready to cry. Maeve frowned.

“You were the one that tripped and dropped it!” she shouted back at the two women. The guards then blocked Maeve’s vision and she looked up. It was easy to forget how short she was in comparison to the average guard here in Denerim.

“You’re coming with us,” the guard said and then grabbed under her arm. Maeve, in the persona of Laura shook off his rather light grip.

“No! I haven’t stolen anything!” she shouted in protest. The guard regained his grip, but was far firmer with it. Maeve struggled once, and then a second time but with more strength and found that she was unable to shake his hold on her. She looked up and could feel the initial feeling of terror start to seize control of her mind. The guard did not show any signs of being friendly. Nor did he look like he was a part of some elaborate set up. No, she was really going to be arrested, and treated as such. The other guards fell in line behind her, cutting off any other attempt at escaping before they started to move her forward. The one in front turned so that he was practically dragging her away from the market and to the castle walls. Her small stature could do nothing against the strength of four armed guards. They walked briskly, past the gates, and turned right to a door that would lead down into the very dungeons Maeve knew she was going to. With rough hands, they dragged her down the stone staircase and all but threw her into a cell that was padded only by straw.

“Oof!” she grunted as she felt her shoulder slam through the loose straw. Maeve then looked back at the guards as they locked the doors of her cell. Not one word was spoken between them. 

_Typical_ Maeve thought. Leliana was the one that stressed the importance of not getting caught and not making a scene. Or if there was a need for it, be the first person to disappear from the lime light. Sadly, Maeve was the actress in this play and she did not have that option of disappearing.

“They didn’t even take the damned note,” she grumbled angrily as she sat there and rubbed her arm. 

_They could have been gentler_ she thought with a visible scowl on her face. Nothing much she could do now about her current situation. The guards had left her alone in this dungeon, apart from some of the other tenants that rattled at their cages and shouted them to let them go rather…creatively. There was nothing that Maeve actually carried on her that would probably pick the lock that held her here. She sighed heavily and looked away from her gate.

“I suppose it would have been too much to ask such brutes to be kinder,” Zevran’s light sarcasm emanated from her door. Maeve snapped her eyes back and saw the very elf standing there with a disapproving look on his face.

“And you, my friend, look like you have not seen a shower in longer than a week.”

“It’s not all sunshine and roses there with the rebel army,” Maeve said as she stood up. Her hand brushed away bits of straw that clung to the skirt of her dress.

“And contrary to the looks, I have bathed, recently. Just have to look the part to make Athelstan’s men happy,” she added.

“Which you have done a marvelous job of handling,” Zevran commented. Maeve was the one to return his praise with a very worried look.

“But Athelstan’s men are beyond the word _paranoid_ , each and every one of them seem to think the other is out to ruin their cause,” Maeve explained. She explained further the details of who the men were, as well as reveal the mysterious figure, Stefan. Her explanation of their plans was long and as detailed as she could remember them. How they were taking handouts from the Venatori, and anyone else that was willing to dethrone the current King of Ferelden. With each new detail, Zevran’s smile seemed to lessen and lessen until it turned into a full out frown.

“I must say, they do take their jobs seriously enough to hide their tracks well,” Zevran said with a hint of worry in his accent.

“Tell me about it. I cannot come close to any sort of document without their eyes watching every little twitch,” Maeve said in exasperation. A heavy cloud of anxiety and worry surrounded them both. They were both worried that this would escalate into something that they could not predict or defend against. The mere mention of the Venatori, in light of recent events, was enough to put anyone in this castle on edge.

“Here is what I propose,” Zevran said after a long silence to think. “You get in there, get as many documents you can that detail troop movements or supply lines and then disappear from the rebels.”

Maeve all but gaped at Zevran. That was a plan with the highest sort of risk. Should Maeve be caught, she would be killed on the spot without any chance of fighting back. If it wasn’t Stefan who would surely make her head explode with the snap of his fingers, it would be Athelstan and his deadly sword.

“Are you crazy?” Maeve asked incredulously.

“I do not ask this of you lightly. I am well aware that this is a huge risk, but surely you have seen how boldly they are growing,” Zevran argued.

“The only documents they have are kept close to Athelstan! If I’m caught, I would be killed! I don’t know about you, but I want to live,” Maeve snapped. Zevran gave a small sigh and ran a hand through his blonde hair. Maeve’s gaze fell from the elf and she went deep into thought. Athelstan’s men had grown bolder recently. They were openly bullying people in the streets, pushing the guards to their limits of tolerance, and even lashing out at the elves in the alienage. They were gathering more followers, merely out of fear for their lives than having a heart for usurping King Alistair. The way things were going, they were nearly ready to openly attack the castle. And sadly, the royal guard did not have a proper counter attack. More lives would be lost if she did not gain this information for them, and there was the off chance that she would fail in her mission to protect the Fereldan throne.

“…I’ll do it,” Maeve said with a little bit of reluctance. Zevran had a look of surprise.

“You aren’t making this decision because of your current situation?” he asked with a light bit of suspicion and sarcastic humour.

“Probably, but that’s not the point. My job was to come here and help you figure out what was threatening King Alistair and to shut it down. I don’t think running away like a baby is in the job description…besides…everyone else has made leaps and bounds for the good of Thedas…might as well be my turn,” Maeve explained. There was one thing that Maeve had remembered, and that was she wanted to be of more use to the Inquisition. That meant she was going to have to do things that she would have to sacrifice. But it was her life that she didn’t think she would sacrifice, at least not this quickly. She looked up to Zevran and he gave one single, knowing nod.

“I have every confidence that you will make it out alive,” he said. Maeve knew it was empty. They both knew it was. No one in this line of work was ever cocky enough to say they would come out of a job like this alive. Still, it was the thought that counted.

“They will release you after a day. That’s the punishment for stealing here. Alistair will make sure that you have proper food instead of the usual prisoner meal,” Zevran said. There was no jovial joking, no sarcastic remark. That was the only sign that this was something that weighed heavily on Zevran’s mind. Maeve nodded and she watched as Zevran disappeared away from her cell.

~

Just as Zevran said, Maeve was only confined until the morning of the next day. Then the guard practically threw her out on the streets without a single word. Maeve scowled at them and brushed her already tattered clothes and straightened them out. Now that she was out, she needed to report back to Athelstan, and relieve any worry that they might have about her. 

Calmly, she walked away from the market and ignored all the disgusted stares that followed her. If they, the general public, believed her get up, then she was doing her job properly. There were others that watched her, others that were regular militia men under the rebel army banner that followed her as she disappeared into the back alleyways of Denerim.

“Come with us,” they said as they walked behind her. Maeve said nothing and allowed them to guide her to the safe house near The Pearl. There, she was greeted by several sets of eyes, all suspicious of her as always. The two other men lightly shoved at her shoulders when she stopped walking forward.

“I have two feet. I can walk without you two shoving at me,” Maeve finally said. She already had a bad morning with the guards of the castle. 

“Just move,” one of them snapped at her.

“Will you guys give her a break?” another woman piped up. She was dressed in heavy armour, with a sword at her hip and her hand on the hilt of the sword.

“I don’t want to hear it from you too,” the same man pointed at the woman.

“Oh please, you two just need someone else to bully. How many times have you brought her in only to have Athelstan or Stefan tell you two off for being morons?” the woman said. Maeve was pleased to hear that someone else was standing up for her situation.

“She was seen being taken into the castle,” the other said with a snarl.

“And she was seen thrown out by the soldiers. Evidentially, she was accused of stealing,” the woman said. There was a general silence, followed by the slow murmur of a room that had dismissed an argument and went about their daily lives.

“You two aren’t the only ones out there gathering information,” a skinny elf. Said elf was sprawled across the lap of another in a way that suggested there was something else going on between the two.

“I don’t need some whore telling me what to do,” one of the men behind Maeve snapped.

“Really? How many times are you going to say the same thing? It’s growing tiresome,” the elf groaned and rolled over to receive a rather slow and intentionally obnoxious kiss from her patron. Maeve walked away from the men, or tried to before a hand gripped her shoulder with biting strength.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“To do my damn job,” Maeve snapped and tried to pry the hand on her shoulder away.

“You’re going no where without us,” the man said. There was a tug from him to pull Maeve to his side but then there was a hiss of metal and a hush over the crowd of people in the safe house. The woman who had stood up had be blade drawn and pointed at the two men.

“I suggest you let her go,” the woman said in a low and threatening voice. Several other soldiers and mercenaries had drawn their weapons, but only to defend themselves. Some, merely put their weapons away and went on about their jobs as usual. Others, waited in quiet apprehension. Maeve, clawed at the hands that kept her place to no avail.

“My my, things certainly have fallen far from civility,” a voice said. Several people turned to see that their leader, Athelstan, standing there with a disapproving look on his face. To his right, Stefan stood just a step behind him with that same mask on his face. The air changed from a violent tension to one of fear. The man who held Maeve released her quickly with an added shove.

_I’m getting tired of being tossed around like a doll_ she thought as she glared back at the men.

“You two, with Stefan. Now,” Athelstan ordered with anger lining his tone. The two followed quickly, nearly stumbling over each other. Stefan practically glided over to them and motioned towards the back door. Maeve never saw anyone come back from that place the same person and, frankly, she did not want to know what happened behind those doors. The room quieted down and the woman who had defended Maeve sheathed her sword.

“Laura,” Athelstan called to Maeve in a far gentler voice. She looked up to the man and he motioned for her to follow him. Maeve looked around to see everyone had turned away from her and they did not look up to Athelstan. Maeve looked back to Athelstan and then slowly willed her feet to walk forward. They walked from the main room and down several other hallways.

“I must apologize. They have been nothing but a stain on our reputation since they joined,” Athelstan said simply.

“Was it necessary to keep them for so long? Even after I have proven myself time and time again?” Maeve snapped. Laura would have been pissed too. She would have been angry, outraged. Maeve’s footsteps stopped and Athelstan looked behind him. He watched as her fists balled up and she looked away from him.

“If this is how you are going to allow people to treat each other…” Maeve said with a waver in her voice. It was frustration and it was fear. Fear that Athelstan would not comfort her, that he would be the monster that she had thought and that everyone else made to be. But that is not what happened. Athelstan walked to her and placed a gentle hand on her throbbing shoulder.

“It is not how I want to treat people,” he said with a look of apology on his face. “If I had my way, I would have run those two through with my own sword for horribly mistreating a lady such as yourself.”

Maeve still looked away from Athelstan. It sickened her to think that this person did not what anyone to be treated as she was, especially when it was a persisting problem. To add to that, Athelstan was trying to come off as a regular human being with compassion. Athelstan was not completely the brutal man the men around him liked to think he was. It seemed that he was a man that knew no other way to control the violent men around him but through fear.

“I should have been there to deal with the men myself. For that I am sorry. New orders will be given. And, with any luck, any other ruffian who dares to throw his weight around by throwing our spies around will be dealt with…personally,” Athelstan reassured with a gentle pat on her shoulder. Maeve held back a wince and waited until Athelstan turned and walked away from her. After that, she followed the man all the way down to the bathing area, where there was already a small bit of steam coming through the frame of the door.

“You’ve earned yourself a respectable break,” Athelstan said. Maeve stopped when he did and he turned around to face her. “You’ve given us more information than anyone else. We should all be grateful for the contributions that you have made.”

“Anything to make sure that slimy bastard does not remain in that throne,” Maeve said. Even the words tasted bitter in her mouth. She had to remind herself, that she just had a few more hours…just a few more. At least she could do was enjoy this bath.

“Only if it was to properly serve the people,” Athelstan reminded lightly. That was a shocking sentence to hear coming out of his mouth. It was one thing to think that someone was bad, inherently bad, and completely and utterly wanted bad things. It was another to actually see that this person was acting human, and thought that they were doing something right. Maeve wasn’t sure what to think after that statement. He didn’t leave much room for her to say anything about it either. He turned and walked away from her and disappeared down one of the corridors.

_I swear, I will never understand that guy_ Maeve thought to herself. Now that she was alone, she turned to the door that lead to the baths. Might as well take advantage of something that was given freely. Her hand reached out and closed around the door knob before she pushed the door open. Before her was a hot bath, and a change of clothes. Not clothes fit for a beggar in the streets, but clothes that were decent enough to pass as a normal working lady in Denerim. Maeve gave a small sigh as she started to peel away the nasty clothes that she had been forced to wear and scrubbed herself clean. She took her time, enjoying the hot water and the way it relaxed her aching muscles, and made sure every ounce of dirt was washed away. 

Once Maeve was clean, she put on her clothes and proceeded out of the bathroom with the utmost silence. The plan she had in her mind was to infiltrate Athelstan’s room while he least expected it. The only down side to this plan would be the unknown schedule of the rebel leader. Since he had not shown himself to the guards, and was very careful to keep himself enigmatic. In part, Maeve thought that it might have something to do with Stefan and his unusual desire to keep their leader safe and secluded.

Even as she thought, Maeve made sure her feet did not step on squeaky floor boards, her clothes create the slightest rustle. All the while, her heart pounded loud enough in her chest to make her think that the guards could hear her down the hall. Death was the only thing that awaited her should she fail. That was the kind of pressure Maeve might have actively avoided, had it not been for her overwhelming desire to contribute something to the Inquisition and build a new life for herself. So, she walked with caution rarely seen and with silence she never thought she knew.

The halls wound and spun just as they did when she was first here. The many more times she was brought to the attention of Athelstan for minor incidents that ended with him telling off the idiots who accused her also contributed to her memory of where his room was. Just a few more doors down and she would be there. A twist of the knob, the slight push to silence the possible creak of an old hinge, and Maeve was there inside the room of the commander and chief of the rebels.

The bed, off to the left, and the living space for entertaining guests to the right, and right there in the corner of the bed space was a desk with papers all over it. Plans for troops, the supply routes and storehouses, and battle plans. Everything that King Alistair needed to plan a counter attack and end this insurrection.

_Bingo_ Maeve thought to herself in mild victory. She looked around for some spare paper, parchment, anything that would not be missed. 

“I think you are underestimating the situation here, Athelstan!” a sharp shout came from down the hall. Maeve turned to the door with her eyes wide, and her heart pounding. Fear drained all triumph she had as she could only think of the scenarios that would play out should she be caught. Wildly, she looked around for a place to hide her smaller frame. On the opposite side was a wardrobe that she could easily fit into. With a quiet dash, she sprinted for it and opened it up. It housed very few clothes, but she hoped against all odds that Athelstan would not need to be in here. 

“Stefan, there is nothing to worry about,” Athelstan’s voice was muffed for the first half until he opened the door just as Maeve closed the wardrobe doors.

“I am worried you are getting too cocky with all the success you have had,” Stefan argued back in earnest. There was a small sigh from Athelstan. Maeve chanced the thinnest crack to half watch the two arguing men. Athelstan turned around with a weary look and then looked away.

“I am not getting cocky, I am getting restless,” the leader admitted. There was a snort of anger from Stefan, even if it was muffled by his mask.

“I can see if Nikolas is available to _relieve_ you,” he seemed to bite out in anger. Athelstan turned around as though insulted by that very suggestion.

“Stefan, it’s not that kind of restlessness. And you know that I made a promise to you that I would not sleep with him while you were in Denerim,” he said harshly. Maeve about rolled her eyes. It was just like watching some sort of weird daytime drama. Especially when Stefan only cocked his head to the side. The Maker, or whoever watched over this realm, could only know what sort of facial expression he had under that mask.

“It certainly does not seem that way, considering the boldness Nikolas has gained over the past few months,” he murmured. It was almost impossible to hear those words. Maeve had to strain in order to gather some of the words. Athelstan stood still and then placed his hands on hips with a downward sigh.

“That is his way of lashing out, especially when he wants nothing more than an opportunity to gain favor with the next king,” Athelstan said as though this were nothing more than an annoyance. He then turned to Stefan, his back now completely to Maeve. She watched as he reached up and took off the Fereldan style mask and tossed it from Stefan. Maeve covered her mouth to hold in a gasp. Burns and scars marred Stefan’s face on one side. It came down enough to engulf an eye and most of his cheek. Maeve wondered if it encompassed the top of his head and maybe his ear based on the severity of the scaring. They were angry, and red, as though it never properly healed or was so severe at the start. 

“You are the one that I desire the most. Nikolas is only a tool to gather information I, otherwise, could not gain,” Athelstan said. His hands slowly came up and framed Stefan’s face. Stefan, looked away from Athelstan or tried to. Maeve couldn’t see what sort of emotion was playing on his face, and only watched as Athelstan connected their lips together in what looked like a tender kiss before it started to dive into something far more passionate.

_These two are unbelievable…_ Maeve thought. For starters, Athelstan was not the sort of man to fall in love with. Mad for power, going against the King with the delusions that the previous Teryn was better suited for the throne. In all accounts, Stefan had a right to be mad if he thought that Athelstan was going to remain at his side and look to no one else if they were in a committed relationship. Maeve sighed and looked away from the two as they started to strip one another down. It was unnecessary to gain _that_ much information about a person’s life, much less witness it firsthand. All Maeve had to do was wait this out, wait until the passionate cries of two lovers to fall into the soft lull of blissful sleep. That is when Maeve chanced a slow and quiet peek out of her hiding spot.

She glanced one look at the bed to see a huge lump of blankets rise and fall rhythmically. Good. Now all she had to do was quietly get to the desk. Slowly, she willed her feet to walk to the desk that was ungodly close to the bed. Her hands reached out and grabbed at the papers that she needed. There was no time to straighten them out, not when the sound would most likely alert Stefan and Athelstan to her presence. Maeve just grabbed the papers, turned around, and walked the slowest and most agonizing walk back to the door. A gentle turn of the knob, the slow opening of the door, and Maeve was nearly in the clear. She closed the door gently behind her, and then quickly, but quietly, shifted the papers so that they were easier to fold. Once that was done, she hid the papers within her own clothes and walked away from there as though nothing happened. Even as she walked back through the throngs of people, she was able to get out and away with the excuse that she was going out for some fresh air and some food.

_Those two idiots that were always on my tail won’t be there any more_ Maeve thought to herself. The two, as well as many others, would not watch her any more. Still, Maeve was cautious enough to not go to the gates out right. She waited for Zevran’s contact to come to her. While she waited, she went to the nearest fruit vendor and got herself an apple to snack on. Just as she was handing the lady the few coppers that it was worth, she felt someone coming too close to her and drop a few coppers in the shop vendor’s hand.

“I think that will do,” Zevran’s voice said softly to the vendor. “And what about you, my friend? Care to join me?”

“To speak with an Antivan? Would I ever,” Maeve acted out partially. Relief swam through her as she walked side by side with Zevran behind the safety of the castle walls. Once they were behind closed doors, Maeve took out the folded bits of paper and handed them to him.

“Can I interest you in the supply routes, storehouses, and enemy troops with battle plans?” she asked dramatically.

“I am most certainly interested,” Zevran replied and took the papers from Maeve. There was a look of happiness on his face that she had not seen in a very long time. The last expression she had seen from his was a strained smile that attempted to hide the worry in his eyes.

“Now let’s go back to planning out to assassinate these rebels,” he added and motioned for her to follow. They walked along the hallways until they came to a big room that looked a lot like the war room in Skyhold. But instead of the usual advisors around the table, the only familiar faces that Maeve saw were King Alistair’s and Erykah’s. They were going over possible attacks and defenses.

“Your right side might be a little unstable,” Erykah pointed to the castle’s right side. “Even if the masons repaired it, it is still a weak spot that the rebels could exploit through the use of magic.”

“That’s where we will have our archers over there on the lookout for any mages that want to try and swoop in,” King Alistair said confidently.

“Unless they can spot a mage in time…” Erykah grumbled. The king turned to Erykah with a look of annoyance.

“Do you have a better idea?” he asked. “I’m beginning to wonder if Morrigan had any influence on you.”

Erykah snorted.

“Yeah, Morrigan had about as much effect on me as Zevran had on Oghren,” she muttered. Zevran then tossed the folded papers elegantly on the map. Both the king and Erykah looked up with equal amounts of irritation.

“That, my friends, is the key,” he said with a wide grin on his face. “Our little Inquisition Crow has come back with the best information we can get.”

Maeve walked up with confidence.

“Those are reports of supplies, where they are being held, and attack plans. Straight from the desk of Athelstan himself,” Maeve reported with a grin of her own. Erykah took the papers and unfolded the one by one. Each one only seemed to widen her own grin and make King Alistair laugh with delight.

“This is exactly what we needed!” he shouted in celebration. “Our commander can get to work on this and get the troops in order for the attack. Look! It even has the date for the attack!”

King Alistair showed Erykah as she was going over a different paper. Her eyes widened and her grin fell slowly.

“That doesn’t give us a lot of time to prepare,” she said. Then there was a nod that followed and she put down her own paper.

“I’ll go see if I can wake up your commander and get his ass in here,” she said.

“Erykah,” King Alistair warned. She stopped by the door that she was just about to exit. The King opened his mouth and then closed it as though he were to say something. He looked away for a moment to Zevran, as though looking for some sort of sentence to speak and then turned to Erykah once more.

“Just be gentle. I don’t need him hurt before the actual battle,” he said with a little bit of exasperation. Erykah gave a thumb’s up and then disappeared behind the door. The King then turned to Zevran and Maeve.

“She reminds me a lot of her, you know,” the king said sadly to Zevran. Maeve looked between both of them with a look of confusion. All she saw was sorrow on both King Alistair’s and Zevran’s.

“I’m sure she’d protect this place time and again. She had that sort of attitude about her,” Zevran said. His tone was one of adoration and sorrow. Maeve could only gather that this might have been an important person and perhaps a very dear friend of theirs. The King nodded once, and looked down at the papers. There was an awkward silence that filled the air until the king set the paper on the table and turned his back on them. Zevran was the one to motion for them to leave. Maeve followed and only glanced a small look at the king. What she saw were the shaking shoulders of a man crying. A pain stabbed her in a heart as well as the curiousity of knowing what happened and who were they referring to. Maeve could only follow Zevran until they came back across the familiar throne room and over to the familiar halls that lead up to Maeve’s room.

“…I suspect you have questions,” Zevran said. He was the one that looked a bit strained and perhaps a little teary eyed. But that was probably the firelight playing tricks on Maeve.

“I think it would be best if you look for the diary of a Moriah Cousland…the royal library has it in the furthest wing…” he said. Zevran then walked away with a quickness that she had never seen before. It left Maeve to wonder, who exactly was this Moriah Cousland?


	35. Reviving Old Strengths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaren has yet to recover from her fight at the Shrine of Dumat. Such stagnation has allowed for darker thoughts to consume her. Will this break her?

Aaren stood up on the battlements and watched as the people below her. Masamune lay down on the warm, sun bathed stone as he waited for his pack leader to move. But Aaren was on these battlements to get away from her work, especially when her arm was back in a sling…again. 

_You’re pushing yourself too hard!_ Several of the other healers had shouted at her time and time again. Robin had been one of those healers, but found that yelling was just as effective as talking to a wall. Instead, Robin would wait until Aaren was effectively unable to move her arm before wrapping it and telling her she could not practice for the rest of the day. The sad part about that was the Inquisitor now backed up the healers. 

_There is no need to rush your healing. It will come with time_ Hal said calmly to Aaren as she was looked at after an intense duel with one of the more exuberant Inquisition soldiers. That duel left her with a strong burning sensation in her arm that felt akin to a sprain. Since then, she was put on leave from her sword duties but still maintained the position of head of the Wolf Warriors. 

_A figure head…_ Aaren thought with a scowl starting to appear on her face. Those were people that did not do anything that they represented. It was the worse possible feeling in the world, as all they did was show up and garner praise from people that should be directed to the true leaders and workers that make things possible. That was one sort of person that Aaren did not want to become.

“You keep scowling like that, your face is likely to remain that way,” a voice said. Aaren turned to see Ian walking up to her. To check on her, no doubt. 

“I think I have every reason to scowl,” Aaren muttered under her breath. She heard Ian sigh beside her.

“I don’t think I need to add to the masses,” he said to her. Aaren remained silent, though her own anger started to bristle at the mere thought of being told to take it easy or anything remotely close. Masamune perked his head up and looked up at Aaren, even he was worried about his pack leader.

“What do you want Ian?” Aaren asked with a little snap in her voice.

“Would you rather I lie?” he asked with a small sarcastic tone.

“I’m not a child. I don’t need supervision,” she replied. Ian chuckled, only adding to the ire that smoldered within Aaren.

“Funny, I could have sworn that your actions implied otherwise,” he said with the light air of friendly teasing. But he could not have possibly known that Aaren was in no mood for jests. She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes with a glare that could burn holes through steel. Ian caught her look and gave a shrug to shack it off.

“Had I been anyone else, I am sure you would have ripped their head off by now,” he said.

“Keep talking, you just might make it there,” Aaren warned lowly.

“Aaren, I know you’re looking to return to your normal work,” Ian finally said with an exasperated sigh. “But that wound in your shoulder is no normal wound.”

He even pointed to her arm that hung in the sling.

“You can’t keep treating it as though it is a scratch,” he then said. Aaren slowly turned to face him.

“You think I don’t know that?!” she snapped at him. “I have a constant throb to remind me. I get the looks of pity and worry from any and all who see my condition! I see soldiers going light on me because they don’t want me to get hurt. You, Cassandra, and a few others are the only ones to fight me in earnest and then tell me off when I can no longer hold a sword in my hand!”

“Aaren, I get that, but your wound-“ Ian started back up again.

“I don’t need to you tell me what I already know,” Aaren said with a wave of her good hand.

“Then why will you not listen?!” Ian roared at her. He rarely raised his voice at anyone. The only times he ever raised his voice was when someone was not being reasonable, or going beyond reasonable. The sudden shout was enough to silence Aaren for a time.

“The healers have said that you _need_ to take it easy or it will take longer for you to heal. Some even warn that you will permanently damage! Then you will never return to being the captain you know you are!” Ian finished. That last statement was hurtful, and a harsh reality that Aaren needed to see. He watched her face morph from the shock of hearing his words, then the anger at having him say those words as well as a hint of fear. Regret ran through him. Of course she had that fear, and now that he said those words and saw Aaren’s reaction, he knew that those words were not what were needed to teach her to rest.

Aaren then walked passed him. Masamune leapt to his feet and followed after her as he always did. But Ian would not let her leave so easily. He reached out and grabbed her good arm. Aaren stopped short and looked down at her arm.

“You are only going to make it worse if you –“ Ian started before Aaren yanked her arm out of his grip.

“What do you know?” she asked softly but her voice full of pain and anger.

“What I do know is that I want my captain to return. I want her at her full strength, to lead us into battle. But that won’t happen if I watch her destroy herself in the process!” Ian said with a snap. Aaren said nothing more and left Ian. He took a few steps but felt that his words would no longer reach her. 

“Maker, give her strength,” Ian whispered that silent prayer to a god that may or may not hear his plea.

~

Aaren stormed down the steps of Skyhold. The halls and torches all a blur as she slammed the door to her room and entered. It slammed shut behind her, and Masamune barely made it through. Hell hath no fury like his pack leader when she was upset. He half tucked his tail and flattened his ears at the noise and watched as Aaren tried to reign herself in. She walked to her wardrobe and opened it. She struggled hastily out of her current clothes and into some Ferelden style riding clothes. The leathers were light enough to give light protection, especially out in the mountain cold. It was also lined with fur, but from what animal Aaren could not say.

“OW! God! Damnit!” Aaren snapped to herself when she shoved her arm through the sleeves. It ached angrily when she tugged on it at an odd angle. That only seemed to fuel her frustration, even as she redid the sling. Masamune watched as Aaren stormed out of her room, and did not even bother to close it. He got up and followed her brisk pace, and saw the soldiers that quickly moved out of her way. They had a look of worry as well as the scent of fear around them. It seemed that no one liked it when Aaren was angry, and Masamune understood that perfectly well. Even as they walked down to the stables, the people around Skyhold gave them a wide birth. It was only Blackwall that seemed to take a chance and approach them.

“I think half of Skyhold knows you’re upset,” Blackwall said with a joke. Aaren didn’t respond. Not a good sign. Blackwall looked over to his carvings and then back at Aaren. She was struggling to carry each and every thing needed to mount up Yakul. The bridle and saddle blanket were not the hardest things to do, but when it came to the saddle…

“Here, let me,” Blackwall said with his hands already extended to grab the saddle.

“Don’t!” Aaren snapped at him. It made the Grey Warden recoil. Aaren had never snapped like that before. This was a rage he was certain he never wanted to see again. But that sort of rage made people do stupid things, and in this case, probably would hurt herself then anyone else. Blackwall shook off the shout and picked up the saddle before Aaren could. 

“Damnit, Blackwall! I can do it myself!” she half shouted at him. Yakul was already at the fence line, with his ears and head pointed in her direction. The other horses had disappeared or jumped with alarm at the sound of the sudden shout, but not Yakul. 

“With your arm in that sling?” Blackwall asked. Aaren gritted her teeth and her jaw clenched. She looked like a child who had a toy taken away, but there was a hidden sadness in her eyes. It was almost like she was begging him to leave her, to let her rage in silence while fighting with Blackwall on whether or not she could. Maeve certainly would not put up with this behavior, or that is what Blackwall thought. 

“At least let me help you swing it over his back. Then you can do the rest,” he attempted at some sort of middle ground.

“I can do all of it Blackwall,” Aaren repeated with more anger than before. But Blackwall already made his decision and helped carry the saddle out to Yakul before she had a chance to do anything else. Any more yelling at it would look like she was a child throwing a temper tantrum. So, begrudgingly, Aaren had to accept his help whether she wanted it or not. He didn’t so much as say a word as she struggled to throw the saddle blanket over Yakul’s back. It took a few tries, but she managed to get it up there. She even walked around to make sure it was straightened out. Then Blackwall swung the saddle up on Yakul’s back gentle and stepped back as Aaren worked to make sure everything was in place.

“It’s okay to ask for help you know,” he added. Aaren’s hand stilled on the knot that held the saddle in place.

“I didn’t ask…because I didn’t need help,” Aaren said quietly.

“You’re wounded, Aaren, it’s okay to ask for help while you heal,” Blackwall reminded. There was no malicious intent, no exasperation in his voice, just a light reminder that Aaren was not alone in her struggles to heal from the war that plagued Thedas. But it did nothing to curb the desperate feeling she had growing in her chest, did nothing to stamp out the smoldering embers of uselessness. And without another word, Aaren turned, without a glance at Blackwall, and put the reins on Yakul.

The beast was calm and collected where his rider was not. He had patience to weight for her to fumble the halter over his head and to secure the buckles on it. His eyes closed when she lost the grip on one of the straps and it would fall in his face. Aaren was silent as she mounted but she could not go, not when Blackwall had walked up and placed a staying hand on her reins.

“Just promise me you will come back,” Blackwall said. Aaren finally looked down at him with surprise. No one else but Maeve ever said that to her, and to hear it from Blackwall was as close to having the rug pulled out from under her as it got. Visibly, she relaxed in the saddle. The shock must have at least knocked some of that anger from her. There was a small nod that came down and it was enough to satisfy Blackwall. He let go and Aaren nudged her heels for Yakul to move. He lazily walked forward before it turned into a brisk trot. Aaren left Blackwall with the feeling that Aaren would not come back with the same calm and collected nature. 

“Oh…balls…Maeve would have handled this better,” he said with a heavy sigh.

The guards at the Skyhold gate allowed her to go through. Probably Ian’s doing. They’d allowed her on many rides out into the wilderness, very few on her own, but when it happened, it was usually to allow her to cool off. But now that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the sudden shot of Yakul out of the gates. The feel of his hindquarters dropping down to allow his back legs more power to push off the stone behind him in a sort of leap. There was a low rumble and then a whistle from Yakul as he galloped on. The gate at the other end looked as though it scrambled to raise the huge iron gates. Aaren didn’t care. Even as they ran past, it was nothing but a blur.

The entire landscape before them turned into a blur. Colors blended into one another, creating a canvas of greens and browns and the occasional white from the snow-capped mountains in the distance. Aaren only wanted to hear the rhythmic thundering of Yakul’s hooves on the ground below them, the occasional snort of exertion as he navigated the uneven ground before them. The combination of these things seemed to allow Aaren to lose herself and forget about the world for just a short period of time.

She forgot all about the people who would pity her and continue to help her because of her wound in her shoulder. Her shoulder all together was forgotten. Aaren had made certain that it would not swing as she rode. She forgot about the pain, the agony that came with wielding a sword every time that she stepped into the arena. The same agony that she would ignore in favor of breaking up any knots or scar tissue that may be hindering her work. But this sensation of forgetting…it only lasted until Yakul slowed down. At which point, Aaren looked around her and took in the surrounding area.

Yakul had brought her far away from Skyhold. She could not see it, but it was not hard to block such a hidden place. The surrounding thick forests were good enough to hide any sort of evidence that there was civilization. Aaren looked away from the tree line and out to the landscape before her. It was the same breathtaking view she remembered seeing when Cullen brought her here. That was the last time she had been here. They had both been too busy to chance another encounter here.

“Why did you bring me here, Yakul?” Aaren asked her mount. The Red Hart only snorted and panted in response. There was a light bark form behind, and Aaren looked behind her. Masamune brought up the rear, panting heavily from attempting to keep up with the animal with the longer legs. There was a twinge of guilt that flowed through Aaren and she dismounted.

“Sorry, boy, I guess I really was upset,” she said. The wolf did nothing but collapse on the ground and pant heavily. Yakul sniffed at the ground and appeared to be indifferent to the run. Aaren looked at the two and then walked to one of the trees. It was one tree that looked out to the landscape behind her. 

_Trials 1:2_

Aaren could see those words and numbers carved clearly on the bark of the tree. She ran a hand over them with a light smile on her lips. Her fingers traced the sharp lines that formed the words and numbers, the memory of that time still at the fore of her mind…until darker clouds loomed over and her smile faded into a slight twitch of her lips.

_…and I cannot even raise my sword arm to continue to protect him_ she thought to herself. Her hand fell away from the tree. That was the thing that upset her the most about her injury. She took those shots because she was fighting to protect the people around her. Now she can no long do that…it was as if everything was reset for her. A hand gripped her pained shoulder, and she angrily looked away from the bandages.

_Why?...why can’t I heal faster?_ Aaren’s thoughts were desperate and frustrated. She’d been injured before, and fought the pain in her knee from that injury. But magic along with adequate exercise was able to curb that pain and almost completely eradicate it. This…this was completely different.

“Maybe Ian was right…” Aaren said with almost a defeated tone. But that voice in her head reprimanded her, demanded that she treat it as she had been. This was nothing more than a wall that she needed to push through. Her muscles had already healed, they should have been given the time, effort, and even magic that was put into healing it. Everything in her mind told her that it shouldn’t have taken this long to heal.

It took half as long to recover from her broken femur when she was nine years old. Two days in the hospital, a month or so in a body cast, and a month in a brace. After that, she was back to playing all the sports she was interested in, with hardly a memory of her struggling to regain strength. 

_That was when you were nine, idiot. Kids naturally heal faster…even you know this_ Aaren’s conscience argued. Logical, of course. Aaren had to think logically about this. The grip she had on her shoulder lessened and even dropped away. Her shoulders rose and then fell with a heavy sigh. She then walked forward enough to run a hand over the carving into the tree one last time.

“In the long hours of the night…when hope has abandoned me, I will see the stars and know Your light remains,” she whispered to herself. She then looked down and saw the ring that she had fashioned into a necklace. The cross that it used to set on broke in battle and she was lucky that the ring stayed attached to remaining shreds of wood that hung by a thread. This time she had it fashioned out of veridium. A green metal that seemed strong enough to withstand the tests of battle. The best thing about this metal was that it did not make her skin itch. With thumb and forefinger, she took it and lifted it so she could read the words that wrapped themselves around the metal band.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,” Aaren whispered lightly. That verse, a single note from her past that hung close to her heart, helped calm her in ways that she did not think possible. It helped her to let go of things that were outside of her control, and to potentially calm down if she was irrationally angry. If anything, it helped her remind her of her father, who would stand back and look at his situation before flying off the handle. 

_If only you were here…_ Aaren thought as tears threatened to spill forth. That memory did nothing but make her chest tighten with sadness. Her father wasn’t here to help. He wasn’t here to talk to her, to tell her things would be all right. He was gone…and Aaren was alone to deal with these problems she had never before faced. Masamune, apparently recovered from his run, came up and rubbed up against her leg. She looked down at him and gave him a weak smile. 

“I don’t know what to do, Masamune…” she whispered tiredly. The sadness was draining, as was the anger and frustration. Masamune looked up at her with his head tilted to the side, with that light look of confusion on his face. Aaren swallowed hard, pushing back the tears that threatened to spill forth. A hand rubbed her glistening eyes free of any tears that had already pressed passed her self-control dams. Aaren looked back to Masamune and silently wished that he could talk. She opened her mouth to speak but Masamune then turned away and looked in the direction that they came from. His ears were perked forward, and alert. Aaren looked in the same direction and heard the muffled sound of rumbling in the distance. She took a step back and then half jogged to Yakul. He was just as alert and focused. 

_Shit…_ Aaren thought bitterly. She didn’t bring a sword, not even a second sword was tied to Yakul’s saddle. Not that she could use it in the current state she was in. The bitterness she had thought with started to twist and turn into anger. That anger was focused on herself. So much for her relaxing, sort of secret hiding spot. The low rumble turned into the distinct sound of hooves beating against the earth. And they were coming up quickly. Aaren looked once to Masamune, and he started to wag his tail. Aaren looked back to the trees and saw Urajak, along with Cullen, burst through the weaving complexity of trees. The black horse’s head pulled back as Cullen reined him to a stop. Urajak danced around in a circle before stopping completely for his rider.

“There you are,” he stated with only the slightest hint of being winded. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Aaren had her hand up on the horn of the saddle that Yakul was wearing. She was ready to flee, to give her pursuers a real chase, but the person that appeared was none other than the Commander of the Inquisition. There was a pang of guilt that tightened in her chest. He was the last person that Aaren currently wanted to see right now. Not because he was the focus of her fading ire, but because she felt that she failed him by being this weak. Cullen dismounted, and walked towards Aaren. She was the one that took a half step back and Cullen slowed his own footsteps.

“You wished to be alone?” he asked. Aaren looked up at him and gave a small nod. Her gaze fell away from him after that nod and Cullen remained silent for a time. Ian had been the one to come to him and warn him that Aaren might do something rash. Given with recent events involving Aaren, and her healing, Cullen was worried that it might break her. So, he rushed from his desk and ran after him as fast as he could. Hal would understand his absence, and understand that Aaren had started to become someone that was more important than just the Inquisition.

“I was worried…” Cullen started. Aaren looked up to him and caught his worried gaze. There was a flash of something, something that made Cullen’s worry only increase. It looked like defeat. Like one of his soldiers that was too wounded to continue on with the Inquisition as they were. Then he watched as she looked away from him, dejected. It was almost as though she were trying to make herself smaller, or to make Yakul come between him and her. The slump in her frame, the way she avoided his gaze. This was not the warrior that Cullen was used to seeing, nor was it the same woman when she made herself vulnerable; this was something far more fragile.

“Aaren…it’s okay,” he said in encouragement. What else could he say? What else could he do?

“Is it?” she replied, but it was in irony. Aaren looked up at him with a cynical smile and watery eyes. 

“Is it really okay to have the one thing that I knew I could do suddenly ripped from me?” she asked him. Cullen took one step closer. Aaren shrank back. She shied from his presence, in a way that she never shied before. It was like those times when she would have nightmares back in Haven. She’d walk outside in the cold, letting the snow and wind wake her up, but the second he spotted her, she tried to hide.

_Ashamed?_ Cullen thought to himself.

“It has not been taken from you, Aaren,” he then said. His worry now mounted. She did not feel ashamed. She felt useless. Who could blame her. Her passion had led her further on the battlefield that most soldiers he knew, and made her far more stubborn than he would possibly allow out of any soldier. She also would be the first to jump at the chance to learn about enemy movements, battle formations, and the like. The time she did have, she spent it devoting to helping those from Lyrium withdraw, researching new information whenever it arose until she was fast asleep in the library.

Recently, she had hid herself away, was absent to most meetings, and even physical practice. Before, she had devoted herself to try and relearn and catch up. But now…now that the Inquisitor and the healers were on common ground regarding her over zealous behavior that threatened the state of her shoulder…

“Who are you trying to fool, Cullen?” she then asked with heavy irony. She knew what she was. She knew what it meant when she gave her life to the service of the Inquisition. And she knew that there was a possibility that her life would be forever changed should she even survive that encounter at Samson’s old lair.

“No one. Aaren, you’re still healing. What you survived is nothing sort of a miracle,” Cullen said firmly. He still had nightmares of her pale form falling unconscious in his arms. That memory was still vivid enough for him to make him feel sicker than his call back to Lyrium would. He still knew that Aaren had it in her to over come this. This was but a test of her will, and Maker willing, he would fan the embers that still burned. If only she would look past her current situation.

“Still healing? Cullen, look at me!” she shouted at him. Cullen was taken by surprise by her shout. Aaren never shouted, not even to her men. If she did shout, it was not nearly as strong as this one was. This one held anger, frustration, sadness, everything she had to have held back all this time. Cullen remained silent, waited for Aaren to return to her senses or at least calm down enough for him to speak to her rational side.

“This arm is nothing more than dead weight…as am I to the Inquisition,” she continued. There was no shout, but rather harsh words. She couldn’t lift a sword, couldn’t so much as lift a saddle over on Yakul, she couldn’t help the Inquisition where it needed her the most.

“You’re wrong,” Cullen said sternly.

“Tell me, what have I done to contribute?” she said so quietly that Cullen almost had to ask her to repeat. The words that Cullen would say next would not help her. Aaren wouldn’t hear him, had not heard him since he got there. She had thrown up this guard around her, hidden herself away in an attempt to protect her mind from any more disappointment. 

“ **TELL ME!** ” she shouted at him. The birds in the area took flight. The anger in her echo bounced off of the trees, the rocks, and the mountains. Cullen had no doubt that Skyhold could hear her anguished cries from this distance away. The Fade possibly heard her cries, that all the spirits stilled at the anguish. There as a part of him that cringed at that cry, for he personally knew those levels of torment. Cullen could only watch as Aaren waited for him to answer but he remained silent. He hoped that he could see the sadness and the worry in his face, while there was doubt in his heart.

_Even if I speak…what you have done so far is not what you want to hear_ Cullen thought to himself. The silence went on for several heartbeats. Masamune had hid behind a tree and stared at the two humans as they argued. Only his head poked out from a huge tree root to observe the fight. Yakul did not seem to care in the slightest. He stood beside Aaren, perhaps to give her strength when she felt so very little of it. He looked to and from Cullen and Aaren. There was a low rumble, and then the beast lowered his head to sniff at the grass below him.

And then, slowly, Cullen walked turned from Aaren. Shock ran through her as she watched him slowly mount Urajak. Part of her screamed out, that wanted him to just stand there and reach out to her when she so desperately wanted help, but her voice was muted. Muted by her own pride. She watched in silent horror, watched as the horse danced under Cullen’s command, watched as he gave her a sad look. His face turned from hers, and then the horse turned to show his back. With the fading sound of hooves in the distance, Aaren watched as Cullen disappeared beyond the trees. The tears that started to flow beforehand now came, unending. The earth met her knees, and her shoulders shook with force as she cried…alone.

~

A week came and went, and Aaren found herself in less than happy mood. She had not seen Cullen since she had shouted at him. She wanted to see no one. No one should have to deal with her…not when she couldn’t pick up the pieces of her own life. She did not want to see anyone. Masamune seemed to be the only one to try. Every day since then, there was this resolve to pounce on her every morning until she caved in and took him for a walk. He seemed to find every single friend she ever made and personally went up to them in greeting. Solas was even graced with a cautious, but slight tail wag. But Aaren remained at a distance. Disheveled, and far off from the rest of the people that worked about the castle. And today was just like the previous ones.

“Not today, Masamune,” Aaren murmured, and rolled under her blankets. The wolf did not stop trying to get his pack leader out of bed. He jumped up on the bed and pushed at her gently with his paws. It was almost as though he were trying to unbury her from the thick blankets that surrounded her. He whined loudly and then barked. Usually she gave in when he gave a loud bark. She didn’t budge. Masamune dug at her sheets again and then barked once. Twice.

Aaren tossed the blankets from her head and she glared at Masamune. He only wagged his tail and then smothered her with kisses. She pushed at him, attempted to shove him away until he pounced at her playfully. The resulting action caused her to tumble out of bed, and crash onto the floor.

“Alright! I’m up!” she snapped at him. It was genuine anger at her wolf but Masamune only wagged his tail and excitedly jumped off the bed and ran to the door. Aaren got up and dressed into something comfortable. Normally she would make sure that she was presentable, now she didn’t give a damn. A simple tunic that would cover her and some cotton pants to keep the cold out. Her leather boots were easy to slip on and she had become a pro at making a lazy man’s sling. Then she walked out of her room and let Masamune lead her down the hall. He briskly walked until they were outside, but Aaren slowly followed behind. He dashed down the stairs, and greeted the Wolf Warriors and various soldiers that were down in the training field. But Aaren, remained up the stairs and looked down, a solemn and distant expression on her face.

The soldiers happily greeted the creature, and gave him all of the love and attention that he needed. Ian walked to Masamune and gave him a pat on the head, and then looked up at Aaren. She looked away, and disappeared behind the stone. He sighed and looked to the soldiers who gave him the same worried look.

“Talk to her,” Finn, the one who had a giant wolf in his lap said. Masamune had his belly turned up so that the boy could give him a good belly rub.

“She won’t listen to any of us,” Allisen said softly. Ian nodded.

“It’s only because she is not healing as fast as she thinks she needs to be,” Ian said gently. “And, to be honest, I think any one of us would feel the exact same way.”

“I think I’d be thankful to have my life,” Finn muttered. Allisen gave him a strong slap on the back of his head. Ian shook his head and looked back up at where Aaren disappeared. Their captain would return, had returned. 

Aaren leaned against the stone wall behind her and sighed. Her heart knew that Masamune was trying to do good, but her shadows in her mind were working their ways. She didn’t want to be out here, she wanted to be curled up under her sheets where no one could see her. To hide away her weakness and disappointment. The sound of footsteps was all around her, walking to and from their place of work. All Aaren did was stand there, while the world continued to leave her behind.

“Captain Ruskin?” an unfamiliar voice spoke to her. Aaren ignored it and hoped that whoever it was, would just go away. The Inquisition had grown big enough that many soldiers did not know certain officers unless they worked directly with them. Had Aaren dressed properly, in her uniform, perhaps she would have been easily recognizable. But since she dressed in casual attire, she could get lost in the sea of people here at Skyhold.

“Ser, I have orders for you,” the voice said. Aaren barely looked up and saw an Inquisition soldier with a piece of parchment in his hand.

“What are they?” she asked softly. The Inquisition soldier looked at her more closely and his face fell a bit. Was that disappointment or pity? It didn’t matter, it was all the same to Aaren. Might as well be.

“Well…Ser…they aren’t exactly orders…but a challenge,” the soldier elaborated slightly. Aaren looked confused and straightened up. Her eyes then fell down to the piece of paper and then back at the soldier. A hand reached out and took the paper. It was light in her hands, neatly folded with very few wrinkles. Carefully, Aaren unfolded the parchment. The words that she read were not what she had expected. 

_Captain Aaren Ruskin of the Wolf Warriors,_

_I hear by challenge you to a duel at high noon. You are to come prepared for such. Should you fail to arrive, your title, and your troops, are subject to forfeit._

_Commander Cullen_

Aaren’s eyes widened with each word. This wasn’t just a challenge, it was a serious duel. Her heart raced at the words “subject to forfeit.” Fear. Fear was what caused that. Fear of losing everything that she had gained. This was the exact thing that she did not want to happen. And now, because she was unable to keep herself in check, she was going to lose it all. The paper in her hands shook, and her grip tightened enough to crinkle the parchment.

“Damn you…” she whispered to herself. Had she said it any louder, she feared that she might break down there, in front of a mere messenger.

_If you want it bad enough, then you have to go out there and fight for it!_

Words of a past that she had nearly forgotten in her stupor echoed loudly in her mind. The voice of reason, even if it was a bit exasperated and shouty. Her father was one to push her when fear and overthinking made her indecisive. And right now, he would be the one to kick her in the pants and tell her to go out and fight for what she wanted. Within reason of course. Aaren took a deep breath and exhaled to calm herself.

“Thank you,” she thanked the soldier who delivered this ominous piece of paper. The soldier gave a small salute and then ran off. Aaren looked up at the sky and noted that she had very little time to prepare. She looked over the edge of the wall that separated her and a set of stairs. The wolf was content to stay there and watch the soldiers practice in the yard. She then made a dash for her room without a second thought. Ian was there, he would watch the wolf should she disappear. 

When she got to her room she opened the door and looked inside. Did she really want to go through with this? What if her arm never recovered if she gave it her all in this duel? Aaren shook her head along with those thoughts away. She would not give in to doubt when she needed to defend what she had worked so hard to obtain. The need to prove herself had presented itself. Now, more than ever, did she need the determination and passion that so many people praised her on.

“…I can do all things,” Aaren murmured to herself. Her father’s verse. She walked into her room with confidence and closed the door behind her. The casual clothes of a civilian were tossed away, replaced by the undergarments of one preparing for battle. She brushed out her grown out hair, and threw it into a quick ponytail. Normally she would spend her time putting it into a braid to keep it out of the way but there was not much time for that. Next was the chainmail, tunic, and outer armour. Cullen commanded that she be dressed and prepared for a fight, and she was going to follow it. The last thing she put on was the belt around her waist. The familiar weight against her hip was nearly comforting. Odd, considering Aaren would never in a million years seen herself like this.

By the time she was finished, the sun had already risen in the sky and Aaren rushed out the door. On the chair, was the sling that held her arm against her chest. The sudden rush of air from Aaren rushing out the door caused it to flutter gently before it settled. The door left hung ajar by the one who lived here.

Down the steps Aaren raced and found that there was already a crowd gathering. The soft rumble of the people around them asking questions and speculating what was going on was incoherent. Aaren stopped for a moment and had a small moment of hesitation. But that was quickly banished when a few of the onlookers saw her. They said something, but what Aaren could not make out. Because what happened next deafened anything anyone had to say. The people around them parted, slowly, but parted. They had created a hall for her to walk down, to get to the training ring. At the center, stood the Inquisition Commander.

His hand was placed on his sword in a relaxed manner. He looked determined, serious, the same look he would give to any other soldier that would openly defy him. And that look was directed towards Aaren. He squared up, a light shift in his feet to evenly distribute his weight and then stilled. Aaren walked forward. It was slow at first. Her concern was to the people that watched her walk into the ring as the silence drug out. Some murmured in hushed whispers while the people behind her filled in the gap that was created not too long ago.

_No turning back now_ Aaren thought to herself in the softest whisper of her mind. Her eyes left the people that surrounded them, and met up with Cullen’s hardened stare. There was no love or adornment in his eyes, which was a slight shock. Aaren had to find more inner courage in order to harden her own glare at Cullen when she really did not want to fight him.

_NO! He made this duel, forced my hand! I must defend my soldiers!_ Aaren thought to herself as negative and disparaging thoughts threaten to over take her mind once again. As a result, she shook her head and frowned at herself rather than at Cullen. With her resolve somewhat renewed, she faced Cullen with a determined look that lied to how she currently felt.

“You mind explaining to me what is going on here?” she asked. Her voice did not have to be raised. No one in the crowd dared to breath a word louder than a whisper.

“I thought the message I sent to you was written clear enough,” Cullen replied seriously. That made Aaren frown or half scowl.

“You know exactly what I am talking about,” Aaren half snipped. The other half was an attempt at being calm. Cullen only drew his sword and pointed it at her. The action made her slowly grab her scabbard with her left hand. A thumb on the hand guard that connected to the scabbard.

“It is simple. You duel me for the right to remain the Captain of your Wolf Warriors,” he repeated the same words on that peace of paper. “lose and everything you have is forfeit.”

That is when Cullen saw that spark of fire. Not anger, but determination. That same emotion that he remembered seeing inside of Aaren before her wounded shoulder began to eat away at her confidence. There was a purpose to his wording too. He wanted to be consistent, to show his own resolve in order to build Aaren’s. Cullen watched as she drew her own sword and pointed at him.

“Then you will get your duel,” Aaren replied quietly. It was not in confidence that she said this, it was out of obligation. That spark he saw had yet to spread like the wildfire he knew it would. Aaren needed another push, something that would bring that back. He then turned so that his shield, with the Inquisition crest shining in the sun light above them, faced her. Aaren did the same with her own. A hushed silence fell over everyone. Not even a whisper was uttered. It was a tension that pulled so tightly that a single feather could snap it and bring with it a burst of action.

Aaren’s arm would not last long with the sword poised as it was. Letting the weight of the sword rest on the shield was not an option, especially when it would require more effort to lift it. Any and all weakness would be exploited. She was up against the Commander of the Inquisition, and quite possibly an equal to Cassandra. He was not showing any signs of letting up his relentless stare down, nor did he show any sort of opening to go after. There was nothing that was tactically advantageous in this current situation.

That is when the tension snapped. Aaren was the first to charge Cullen with an attack. Her sword came down on his shield as she blocked a horizontal slash. Cullen did not take one step forward or a step back. Aaren was the one to jump back just out of range and try to run his sword side. She thrusted her sword to stab at him, but he easily parried and shoved her back with his shield. Aaren stumbled back and then glared at Cullen.

_There!_

The spark was growing into kindling. It was a look of annoyance, the same she always gave to Ian if she knew she was being toyed with. The old Aaren was returning out of necessity, but she would be smart enough to realize the reason for all of this once she came back. 

Aaren readied herself again, a different seriousness settled in her stance and she charged with earnest. This time, Cullen met her blade for blade. They went through every motion that the soldiers were taught, and then freestyled. But for every slash, every shield bash, Cullen was there with a parry, a block, anything but a square hit. But not once did he actually swing his sword at her. Not once did he attack her back. Sooner or later Aaren would realize that. She shoved with her shield shoulder to try and throw him off balance, but he remained solid as a wall. Aaren then took a step back. Her own sword and shield falling from their offensive and protective stances into a more relaxed and restful one. Or rather an irritated stance.

“Are you not going to fight me in earnest?!” She asked him. Her tone was annoyed, the same as before. Her arms opened up with the question and her face was more irate regardless of the lines that gave evidence to the pain she was in. Cullen stood up straight.

“If I fought you in earnest, you would not win,” he stated factually. There was that desire to defy what was being told to her. That spark that embered was now light aflame as he took on her glare. Cullen had to shove back the urge to smile at her. If she knew what she was being lead into, surely she would have refused him outright.

“The hell I wouldn’t!” she snapped at him. Her childishness had returned, and with the determination Cullen remembered, she readied herself despite the pain. There was no wince, there was no favoring one side over the other, and there certainly was not a lowering of her weapon. This was the Aaren that everyone remembered. Sacrificing herself, regardless of her current state of health. This is where the fight would be the most dangerous.

This is when Cullen charged first. He saw the change, saw the fire a light, now he needed to fan the flame. Aaren needed to see how serious he was, and then do everything in her power to fight against that. He did not hold back his swings, and she did not balk away from his force. She met it willingly, with growing determination. But her physical strength was waning. Little by little, Aaren’s sword arm swung down with less intensity than before, and she began to favor her shield over her sword. It was only a tiny change, but it was enough for Cullen to pick up on it. He did not relent, he did not stop, his attacks were seemingly unending.

_Damnit, if I don’t finish this soon…I will lose for real_ Aaren thought to herself as she stepped forward and locked swords with Cullen. Her teeth gritted and she struggled to keep him pinned. This is where she thought frantically through everything that happened. Was there an opening? Did Cullen show a way to get around his assault? Her eyes searched his face for some sort of hidden clue, something to give away his next move. 

Cullen watched as he saw her as she tried to think through this. It was not a surprise to find that this was the time she would use to try and think her way through this. He had observed her fights with Ian on occasion and they would always lock themselves in these deadlocks before. Part of him knew that Aaren would quickly formulate a plan to get out of her situation, but he would not let her. That was not the point of this duel. He took a step and pushed against her smaller frame. Aaren immediately lowered her weight, to center it and prevent him from toppling her.

“Do you really think you are going to win?” Cullen asked her. Her eyes snapped to his with a rush of anger. She gave a small growled of defiance but remained silent.

“I am your commander, your superior, did you really think you had any chance of defeating me on your own?” he asked her. With an added shove to give credit to his harsh words. The steel scratched as the bladed danced along one another. Aaren could feel the dirt starting to pile up behind her heels where she had dug herself in.

“You’re damn right I did!” she snapped at him, and pushed against him and his words.

“Considering how you’ve been acting, I could have sworn…” he started to say.

“ _Shut up!_ ” she bit out before he could finish. She pushed against him and he had to stop his own advance to keep balance.

“You’re not going to take this away from me! From the men and women who wait for me!” she snarled at him.

“Then prove it!” he shouted back at her. The roar was a shock to say the least but his words… That gave her reason to pause, and Cullen put all of his strength to shove Aaren off of him. She stumbled back and had to dodge clumsily to recover. The Commander did not relent, and she could feel the wind of the sword as it barely missed her legs. She wildly blocked his precise sword swings and scrambled backwards to get just out of range. That is when Cullen’s assault relented.

Aaren’s body was now showing signs of fatigue and her face the beginning signs of extreme pain. She panted, and the sheen of sweat glittered on her face as the sunlight hit it. There was a slight shake from her sword hand. No one else would have seen it, only a trained eye would. But that did not lessen the now burning flame of passion in her eyes. Cullen inwardly smiled at himself, his mouth twitched at the desire to smile completely. This was the Aaren he knew, and had come to love so deeply. 

“Prove it?!” she asked incredulously. She could feel the anger in her chest swell. He sword pointed at him, a slight waver and the clench of her jaw against the pain allowed it to hold there.

“ _You’re_ the one who won’t let me!” she shouted angrily. With a charge, her body seemed to find renewed strength. Cullen had never personally fought up against Aaren before, and found it amazing to watch her reach deep within herself when her body clearly screamed for rest. It was even more amazing to experience this sort of resolve first hand. But this gift also was her undoing. It was what kept her from healing properly, and he had to stop her without killing the spirit he had worked so hard to bring back. So, he played the part, and allowed her a few good swings before he easily disarmed her.

Surprise appeared on Aaren’s face. He sword clattered to the dirt, a few bounces before it stilled. There was a moment of silence, where everyone though that his duel had been over, but Aaren had other plans. Cullen could see his mistake, and regretted it for a moment. Instead of stopping to look for her sword, Aaren continued to fight him. Out of shock, Cullen swung down his sword hand, an instinctual reaction. Aaren stepped in and caught it with her empty sword hand. She then easily moved to grab his wrist and with it pulled him into a heel kick to his stomach, just below his chestplate. The blow itself might not have been as powerful, but it still stung. The only reason she let him go was fear that she might be hit with the shield in his opposite hand. Cullen stumbled forward and fell to a knee while Aaren backed up slowly. He looked up at her and remembered the show before Aaren became a warrior. She had shown she could fight without a sword, and he had nearly forgotten about that.

Aaren stood there with her shoulders heaving in order to try and get the air her body so desperately desired. Her fists were aimed at him, as a sword might have to an opponent that was down. Only when she was confident he would attack her did she walk away from him. She turned to her sword and took the few steps it took to get to it. There was a pause, then she bent down and picked up the sword with defiance. Cullen and the rest of the crowd watched as Aaren willingly took her sword back up. There were obvious signs of struggle. The pain on her face, the clenched jaw, and the slight waver as she returned to her offensive stance. The lines of her face etched with the pain it took to hold it. More than once he had seen that in a stubborn Templar or Inquisition soldier when wounded. But Aaren, she pushed that back in favor of what was going on now. Admirable, when on the battlefield, but not here in the training ring.

Cullen, by then, had recovered and face her with everything he had. The one mistake he made was underestimating Aaren’s combat experience. Not again. She charged once more and Cullen showed everything he was as an experienced Templar knight. A Templar Knight no longer. Now he was just a commander of the only military body that was willing to make the hard decisions and save the world. He flawlessly blocked her attacks, and parried her sword. He did not move from his spot, and advanced with one step at a time. He allowed Aaren to continue her attacks, though he noticed the strength behind them had lessened significantly. She would shout with the effort to swing her sword, and winced every time the blade came down against his blade or shield. That strength ran out in one last blow.

Aaren swung down, with the rest of the strength she had, and it only met Cullen’s shield. But the shock of the hit reverberated all the way up to her shoulder, and the pain of it caused her to let go over her blade. It ricocheted away from them, as she cried out with the pain of the resulting strike. Next, all she saw was the opposing shield rush at her and shove her back. Unbalanced, Aaren was knocked back and fell on her backside. The final move that sealed her defeat was a blade pointed at her throat.

Aaren sat very still. Her sword arm limp on the ground and her shield hand holding her up. The pain from that hit still wracked her body, and she swallowed hard to hold the tears that threatened to spill forth from it. The only thing she did was grip her shoulder in obvious pain. She could feel droplets of sweat fall down her temples and forehead. Air could not fill her lungs fast enough as she panted heavily to recover it. But her glare…she glared up at Cullen, angry and frustrated. He didn’t look winded, as though all of her attacks were for nothing.

_Do you really think you are going to win?_

Those words echoed in the back of her mind. Her teeth gritted against themselves as she waited for the inevitable words of scorn. She waited for the words of failure, for everything to be ripped from her as was decided. The Commander took his sword away from her throat and sheathed it. His shield he all but tossed away from him, which was odd to Aaren. It clattered loudly against the hard dirt. He took two steps towards her and extended his hand. His left hand. Shock and confusion crossed over her face as Aaren looked from the hand to Cullen’s face. He said nothing. With reluctance, she took his hand and he helped her to his feet. He had strength left to pull her up effortlessly from the ground. Darkness threatened to cloud her mind once more…

“You are not alone,” Cullen then said. Quietly, but loud enough for her and perhaps some onlookers to hear. Aaren blinked. The clouds that threatened to return were stayed by shock alone. Or was it confusion. Might as well have been both. She looked to Cullen’s face in search of what he meant by those words.

“What?” Aaren asked in disbelief.

“You were the one to reach out to me when I offered a hand to pull you up,” Cullen explained. “There are plenty of people here that are willing to extend the same hand, but in different ways.”

Aaren was royally confused now. Cullen could see her thinking through this, and decided that he would help her further.

“You have helped the Inquisition, sacrificed so much of yourself to our cause. You help so many people without thinking of yourself first.” Cullen said and he gestured to around her. “The endless nights spent awake, studying your world. Educating yourself on our cultures, our combat tactics. Being knocked on the ground time and again from people who obviously best you in one on one duels, only to get up and do the same thing the next day. Taking up the difficult missions and coming back with nary a casualty. You have contributed everything you have to this cause and then some.”

Aaren looked around at the crowd that still remained silent. The people looked at her, and a few were concerned, but some nodded when they heard the commander’s words. Then, there was a slow roar of noise. It started out small, a clap that echoed off of the stones around them. Then everyone joined in. One by one, the sound of everyone clapping and applauding her deafened any other noise or thought near Aaren. She spun around, confused and disoriented. Tears welled up in her eyes and threatened to spill over. Aaren didn’t know what to feel. Overwhelmingly happy for the people who supported her, or disappointment that she had failed so many. The two emotions clashed at once in this turbulent storm. The only anchor was a hand that reached out and touched her shoulder. 

“Let us take a turn to help _you_ ,” Cullen then said. Aaren whirled around to face him. Shocked by all of this. She opened her mouth several times to say something but ended up closing it again and again. A light smile returned to Cullen’s face as he watched her fumble around for some sort of word or group of words to make into a sentence. She ended up scowling at him when he smiled at her. Then he offered his hand out to her once again, and she took it.

_You are not alone_

Aaren would forever remember those words. Even as they walked from the arena, and she was pulled away to have the healers check her arm and make sure that it was not reinjured or worse. She spent most of her time resting until day gave way into night. That is when she closed the door to Cullen’s office with a gentle click of the latch. Cullen’s head rose up from the report he was going over in the candle light. Aaren stood at the door, her arm in a proper sling as it usually was, but she did not seem so angry or lost. It was strange to see him out of his armour, but it was not uncommon. Dressed in a cotton shirt to at least keep the cold off of his skin. Cullen leaned back in his chair and waited for Aaren to speak first. 

“You were never going to strip me of my rank and the Wolf Warriors…were you?” she asked him softly. Cullen regarded her for a moment and then gave a nod.

“You had not given me a reason to do so,” he answered simply. Aaren shook her head with a smile of disbelief.

“You know that’s not what I am talking about,” she said. “I gave plenty of reason. I was shirking my duties. I had been late to nearly all the meetings in the recent. At what point were you going to reprimand me?” she asked. “Not to mention I shouted at you. And snapped at everyone else who cared to try and help me…I slapped their hands out of way so to speak…”

Cullen sat there in silence for a moment. There was a look about him that was thoughtful, calculating, but there was a hint of worry. His silence as he thought was the evidence, as well as that slight furrow in his brow as he looked at her. It was oddly attractive, a thought that made Aaren swallow hard.

“Your actions were the result of doing your job. You fought to protect Dorian, Varric, and myself from the Red Templars that were waiting in ambush. You paid a very high price. You’re still recovering from that,” he explained. As he explained he got up and walked around his desk. Aaren had the look of guilt on her face. But she took a deep breath and sighed.

“You have work relentlessly on so many things, just to help those around you,” Cullen said as he approached her. “It is admirable…but you do not allow others to take the weight off of your shoulders when you need a rest…”

“I know, but-“ Aaren started to say.

“You are used to being the pillar of strength, no matter what sort of situation is thrown at you. I remember you saying that,” he interrupted. “But even pillars might need reinforcing from time to time.”

Aaren pouted at him. He was right. All of them were right. She could try and try to be the one person to hold up everyone, to be the example that anything can be accomplished. She would be the first one to advice people to ask for help, and the last to ask for help herself. A big hypocrite. She gave a huge sigh and nodded.

“Then at least let me apologize…” she started but Cullen held up a hand to stop her.

“You were not yourself,” he said. A hand tugged at Aaren’s good arm and she stepped forward into a warm embrace.

“I accept your apology,” he whispered to her. She needed to hear that he forgave her, and he understood the need to hear it. He felt that way when he had made her cry with his lies. He felt the need when he was having a particularly bad day with the Lyrium withdraw. His hands rubbed her back affectionately and she turned so that his chest was not crushing her bad arm. And they stood there, content in this embrace. Aaren had her head resting on his shoulder, the slow echo of Cullen’s heart beating in her ear.

“I’ll try to ask for help…a little bit more,” she murmured lazily. There was the soft rumble of a chuckle that rose from Cullen. It made her smile. But it was the silence that she enjoyed. The renewed feeling of this sort of compassion from another, from the person she cared about…loved. She wasn’t alone anymore, and this last adventure was a serious reminder that she still believed she was. Her eyes closed, her body relaxing into the warmth. She was not alone, anymore.


	36. One Sacrificed For the Good of All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The eve of battle has finally come upon Denerim. With the success that Maeve brought to King Alistair, all they have to do is wait for the rebels to strike.

Maeve sat beside the fire of her room with a very tattered leather bound book in one hand, and the other following the words that flowed on the page. The story that she read was one rollercoaster ride. Moriah Cousland was not a common noble woman. From her teenage years, she struggled against everyone in her castle that demanded she be a lady of the court. When her older brother started to tease her, as most brothers do, she took up the sword and shield in order to prevent him from continuing. One thing led to another, and Moriah ended up training under some of the best knights Highever had to offer. Despite her desire to learn how to fight, she still learned how to hold herself up in court. Apparently at her mother’s behest. And that is where the fanciful story ends.

Moriah suffered a terrible betrayal at the hands of her father’s friend, Rendon Howe. The resulting battle brought Highever to its knees and nearly wiped from history. That part nearly had Maeve putting this journal away. Her mother and father died to protect their children. And Moriah…went out in search of her brother and to keep a promise; to become a Grey Warden. She traveled with a Grey Warden, named Duncan, all the way to Ostagar and met up with the current king, and oddly Erykah. The journal described Erykah as a woman who had seen a lot, lost a lot, and was ruthless when it came to fighting. There was a small excerpt that described her first encounter with Zevran, an encounter that nearly had a bullet between his eyes or so the story told.

That was one that made Maeve smile. It was nice to see how these people became friends, and now married with two children. Erykah seemed to have softened since then, and Zevran seemed to be more devoted even if he still played his flirtatious card. What made her smile more was the first entry when Alistair and Moriah finally confessed to one another…and the night that followed. But it posed the question…

_Where was Moriah?_

Maeve kept reading and reading until she finally was on the last entry, and it was…not good. Moriah had refused a person by the name of Morrigan’s offer to potentially have a way out of this sacrifice…and came to the terrible conclusion that she would sacrifice herself for the world. She had made Alistair promise to continue to be king, even if she were to die. By the end of it, Maeve had silent tears that she wiped away and set the book down.

“That’s a hard one to read,” a voice startled Maeve. It made her jump halfway out of her seat. Erykah had walked into the room with a tray of tea, or what looked like tea. Honestly, these people needed to know what coffee was instead of tea.

“Sorry…I was…I was…” Maeve tried to come up with some excuse but Erykah smiled.

“Don’t worry. I lived through that time…it was rough, but we made it through,” the woman said as she walked over and sat the tray on the end table. She was wearing what looked like traditional Fereldan huntsman leathers on. The only thing that was missing was that cloak and she would look like a full-fledged ranger from Lord of the Rings. Maeve turned and gave a sigh.

“Honestly…if I wasn’t curious about the look that Zevran gave, I would have never read this. But now that I have…damn…it explains some of King Alistair’s…” Maeve started but couldn’t figure out the right words. Erykah sat in the adjacent seat, her emerald eyes trapped by the firelight like they had been that way many times before.

“He was so in love with her…Moriah…I suspect his first and only love,” Erykah admitted softly. She then closed her eyes and grinned a little bit.

“Those two idiots…they didn’t know how to be quiet fer nothin’,” Erykah’s more western style accent came through rather thick. Maeve turned and watched the fire with Erykah, the drinks all but forgotten.

“He’s gettin’ better…he’s less hard on himself than he was at first, but he’s makin’ it through,” Erykah then said. That statement had Maeve look from the fire to the woman sitting beside her.

“He’s not cryin’ as often,” Erykah teased lightly. Then got somber for a moment. “He reached out to us first. He knew we were on the run from the Crows, though it’s a little harder now with two children, but he found us and asked for help when this rebellion started to rear its ugly head. Before then, he didn’t bother to right anything at all.”

Maeve could understand that. Some people would want to distance themselves away from the things that hurt them or reminded them of the hurt. Some part of Maeve thought that King Alistair might not have contacted them out of respect for what they were trying to escape from. Leliana more than once had mentioned the reputation of the Crows, and they did not allow one slight against them to go unpunished. Zevran, to them, was nothing more than a walking symbol of how the Crows could possibly fail.

“And then he reached out to the Inquisition. A power that could be considered a threat by most political nations. I guess Alistair has at least that still down,” Erykah murmured lightly. Maeve titled her head ever so slightly.

“What do you mean?”

Erykah looked over at Maeve and then leaned back in her chair.

“Alistair wasn’t one for leadin’. Moriah did most of that when we were out savin’ the world. But there was one thing that he did not back down from and that was helpin’ people. He personally saw to the rebuildin’ of Ferelden after the Fifth Blight. He was the one out there farmin’ with the others when they were short on hands. Not many kings in history could say the same thing,” the woman explained with adoration. “and I suspect that is why the majority of the people would follow him into the Void.”

Maeve nodded in agreement. King Alistair was a person that she could get used to following. If anything, she was happy to see that there was a king on the throne that had the interests of his people at the fore of his mind.

“…it never said why you two are still here,” Maeve then said. It was rather an oddly worded question, but Erykah was smart enough to get the gist. The woman gave a knowing nod and then smiled.

“She didn’t write that down, did she?” Erykah asked to no one in particular. There was a small sigh and then she turned to the cups. She took one in her hand and then handed the other to Maeve. It was warm, and smelled like the usual tea they had served in the castle.

“She made Zevran and I promise to help out Alistair. I suspect that she did not get a chance to write that part down, since it was on the eve of battle, and we had darkspawn breathin’ down our necks,” Erykah said sadly. “She and Zevran had this playful flirty relationship. It confused him for a time, well…I think he thought she might be okay with a one time thing, or somethin’ like that, but she said that she enjoyed just talkin’ like that. She said that it was somethin’ that the nobility would have never allowed in Highever…I think she knew that Zevran cared for her a great deal, more than he will admit, and I had a small thing for Alistair…and I think she wanted us all to be together and grieve together…I’m sure she had some sense as to what was going to happen, that her time was comin’ close…but I’m glad for it in the end.”

Maeve nodded and drank a sip of the tea that was offered to her. Erykah spoke with a tone of nostalgia, and then one of sadness. 

“I suppose you weren’t here to check up on me,” Maeve then teased to try to lighten the mood. But the mood turned into one of seriousness. Erykah did not answer right away. There was a silence that followed that only seemed to be filled by the crackling of the fire. Only when Maeve turn to look back at Erykah did she see the seriousness of her face.

“From what Zevran was able to uncover, we will meet the rebels head on within a few days,” she said solemnly. Maeve noticed that Erykah was thumbing her cup while it sat in her hands. It was the only sign of nervousness that Erykah seemed to give off. 

“You don’t like fighting…do you?” Maeve asked out of curiousity rather than making it a statement. Erykah looked down at her cup, as though reading the liquid that was held inside the cup.

“Nope…I’ve always hated it…” she whispered softly. Maeve could only assume that there was something worse that was hidden behind those words. Something that she was certain Erykah would never elaborate on. They sat in heavy silence, and sipped the last of their tea as they watched the fire slowly die down to nothing more than smoldering embers.

~

The following night was a buzz of activity. The soldiers seemed to feel the coming anxiety of waiting for an attack as they changed out. Maeve, herself, found that she was becoming more and more effected by the tense atmosphere. King Alistair called for a meeting with all of them the night before, just as Erykah was about to leave her room. He had orders that they all were on high alert until they saw the first wave of an attack. The notes that Maeve had brought were not specific enough for a decisive day, but they were close. Zevran seemed to go with the flow of the conversation, occasionally joking with two friends without a care that they were going to fight for their lives and the lives of the country. Erykah was more serious, attentive. Her eyes never left the map as she studied it while King Alistair spoke. Maeve was silent, and found that she would be up on the ramparts to fire down arrows when needed. But until such time, everyone was to be on standby.

Maeve found herself walking down the halls, in a small attempt to get rid of the anxiety that seemed to well up faster in her chest. Her potion helped for a time, but only seemed to come back after a short time.

_Probably because this waiting is causing more…_ Maeve thought to herself. Many of the servants that ran to and from different rooms were going on about their day as though nothing were going on. They had linens to wash, mouths to feed, and a castle that needed to be kept in top shape. Maeve wished she had that sort of focus, to push back the knowledge that they were going to be under siege at any moment. Or perhaps they were really good at hiding that sort of stress. Either way, it didn’t help Maeve.

She walked further around the castle, and found her feet took her to the gardens. Lovely flowers with bright colors seemed to arrange themselves in a beautiful live painting. Whoever the gardener was that tended to these plants had a knack for arranging them in such an artistic way. It was enough to give Maeve a little reprieve from the thought of battle. She even reached out and supported a rather large rose. It was bigger than her hand and vividly yellow. Then there was the soft whisper of music that echoed off the stone walls. It was muffled, and hard to figure out, but it was a soft hum that gave a lighter atmosphere in the garden.

_Is someone playing?_ Maeve thought to herself. She walked around the garden hedges with caution. There was no need to disturb the person who was creating the music, that would be rude on her part. The further in Maeve went, the louder the music became. It sang with a more somber tone than Maeve originally thought. The familiar whine of a violin was more distinct as Maeve got closer. The tone, somber though it felt, was defiant, strong. It felt as though it understood the seriousness, the gravity of the situation before them and returning the answer. Maeve felt that she could stand against whatever it was that threatened the song within itself. A careful hand on one of the hedges, Maeve peeked around and saw that it was Erykah that played.

She looked like she was in her casual clothes. A button up shirt that was oddly like the shirt she had seen back in her world. Her pants were held up by suspenders, the legs stuffed hastily into some leather boots. Her long hair was out of the braid she usually saw it in. It moved with Erykah as she continued to play on her violin. The song turned more somber, with more emotion. It wasn’t a tune that Maeve could actually recognize. It felt fast paced, harsh and violent as she pulled the bow across the strings. Her body flowed with the music, as though she danced with an invisible partner. Maeve was caught, mesmerized in awe. 

Then the music began to crescendo. The faster the bow flew, the faster her fingers pressed on the strings. Erykah turned to face the direction Maeve was standing. Her eyes were screwed shut in a silent expression of agony. This was Erykah’s heart, the raw emotion that she might not find easy to express into words. It felt like the flow of a battle, the start was soft, or when Maeve heard it soft, and then as she listened closer it was louder, more intense. Now it ebbed off, a few long notes played as Erykah’s bodied stilled. The emotion on those last simple notes tugged on Maeve’s heart. She swallowed hard and shrank back behind the plants when Erykah pulled her bow away from her instrument.

“ _Mi amore_ ,” Zevran’s voice came from across the way. “You play such a cruel and sad tune. Tell me, what troubles you?”

Erykah turned around to Zevran and then away.

“…It’s the dream again…” Erykah murmured softly. Zevran walked over with a strange quietness. Part of his assassin nature perhaps? He was in what looked like a Fereldan tunic, similar to what he would wear if he met with Maeve or was on the job working within the castle. He came around and brushed her long hair out of her face. Then he motioned to something that Maeve could not see. She had to peek through a small space in the hedges to see that there was a table and chairs for sitting and enjoying the garden in all of its beauty. Erykah sat down and Zevran walked around behind her to finger comb the long hair back. Erykah leaned forward with her head in her hands only after she set her violin in its case. 

“I didn’t wake the kids, did I?” she asked when she finally pulled her hands away from her face.

“They are all tucked in their beds, asleep like the angels they are,” he said reassuringly. He let Erykah adjust so her back was against the chair. He then started to braid her hair slowly.

“…Good…” Erykah whispered. Maeve could now see that Erykah’s color was drained. She worried that Erykah had dreamed of something horrible, enough to shake such a strong individual to the core. But Zevran seemed to weave away the tension and the fear as he weaved locks of hair into a simple braid. He then pulled lightly so that Erykah would look up and he placed a kiss on her forehead.

Zevran whispered something to Erykah, to which she nodded and that is when Maeve decided to leave. The act between two people that are happily married should not be witnessed. Maeve walked herself back into the castle. There was a moment where her thoughts started to turn towards her friends back at Skyhold. Aaren was probably back to her old self, and had a few new scars to add to her growing collection. She gave a small shake of her head at the thought. Dorian was more than likely to be knee deep in new books. The man had an insatiable appetite for lore and history of Thedas. Then her thoughts switched from her friends to the one person she started to care about in this world more than any other.

_Blackwall_

Maeve missed him, damn near ached to be back. She had not had a chance to really think about her situation until now. The time they had to wait gave her time to think. She thought about the way he laughed at a rude joke, or the way he carved at the wood that he had laying around. That griffon he had been working on had to be finished by now. He was probably painting it, or decorating it…

_I wonder if he started something new?_ Maeve thought to herself. The thought made her think more, and more, and more. She didn’t realize how busy and invested she was into this mission. She was so focused on not getting killed or getting the correct information to make sure no one else got killed. In retrospect, it was acceptable to push everything out of your mind in order to make sure that you came out of a mission with your life _and_ succeed.

“I hope you’re doing okay,” Maeve whispered as she looked out the window of her room to the dark streets below.

~

Blackwall found himself trying to work on his wooden griffon. The chisel and mallet were before him, but he couldn’t find it within himself to pick them up. Things were rather dull around here since Maeve left. Usually he would welcome the comfort of the relative quiet of the stables, but it only seemed to ring with loneliness and the occasional annoying whinny or snort of the local inhabitants. His thoughts were strangely consumed by Maeve. Worry was most prominent followed by longing.

His worry was warranted. Maeve’s job was similar to that of the Spymaster Leliana, but the difference was the Spymaster was not out in the field. Maeve was out there, intercepting and pursuing the bastards that would like to see Ferelden fall. The reports that he received from the Spymaster’s people were all he had to keep in contact with Maeve. Most only read that she was still alive and working closely with Zevran in order to weed out this Athelstan and his rebel army. There were few notes that were actually from Maeve herself. He gave a small sigh and pulled at his beard a little.

Blackwall was not a man to pine for people, or so he thought. Maeve certainly was a character, to which he thought was more akin to the Iron Bull than someone who was looking for a serious relationship. But when he started to realize that she actually sought out a relationship with him…that’s when things started to change. Blackwall found himself enjoying her company. Her laugh. Her smile. Even her light kisses of affection she would give despite his pushing away. There was nothing about her that he could resist, and he found himself frowning.

Maeve didn’t deserve him. There was too much she didn’t know about him and who he was for her to even be attracted to him. By all rights he should tell her! Tell her everything! To tell her –

A loud crash nearly made him jump out of his skin. His hand went to his sword and drew it from its scabbard. With a whirl, he faced the source of the noise, and found that it was Aaren, struggling underneath a pile of riding gear and other equipment. Blackwall’s shoulders sagged with exasperation while Aaren grinned up at him.

“Well…I…uh…” Aaren didn’t so much as try to come up with a good excuse.

“Maker’s Balls, Aaren,” he breathed as he sheathed his weapon. “What in Andraste’s name are you doing?”

“I came to see Yakul, maybe go out for a ride. The usual,” she said to him. The wolf that followed Aaren hopped over some of the scattered grooming utensils and licked her face. It was comical in a way to see such a tough warrior in such a silly predicament.

“I think the healers would wring your neck if they found out you were here, trying to lift heavy things, _again_ ,” Blackwall reminded as he came over and helped Aaren. He took the heavier pieces of equipment and set them aside. He then pulled her up to her feet with her good arm.

“I wasn’t lifting anything!” Aaren defended and then pointed to the broken rod that used to be on the wall. “Damn thing snapped when I tugged at the saddle pad.”

Blackwall looked over at where she pointed and noted that the one that broke was above the actual rack that Aaren was tugging at. It looked like the weight above was far more than the beam could actual take, as a result of someone not properly constructing the reinforcing beams.

“You’re not hurt?” he then asked her. Aaren gave a shrug.

“My pride maybe,” she answered simply. He looked at her and she gave him a light scowl.

“My shoulder stings like hell, but when you have two saddles fall on top of you, everything hurts like hell,” she then replied. Aaren was trying to be more honest about her wound so that it would heal properly. That didn’t mean she would try and brush seemingly simple accidents, like this one, off.

“You could have asked for some help,” he reminded lightly.

“When you’re looking at your griffon as though you are deciding your next chisel point, no way,” Aaren said. She cleaned up the grooming brushes and various other tools with her one hand and put them into the small box they came in. 

“I know when an artist is pondering what to do next, and they usually appreciate being left alone,” she added. Blackwall snorted with disagreement.

“I’m no artist.”

“Wood carver then. Still art,” Aaren said simply as she straightened up. Masamune trotted over to the stall that Yakul was in and placed his front paws on the door so he could look inside. The big Hart’s antlers came through the opening and he looked down at the small wolf. Aaren had turned from Blackwall and walked over to the two animals. She seemed to thrive with them in a way that few people could ever interact with animals. They were calmer around her, and enjoyed her company. Masamune was certainly a surprise. Most people assume that wolves are wild creatures that cannot be tamed. 

“Something on your mind Blackwall?” Aaren then asked. He jerked his gaze to hers and he could see the worry on it. His eyes looked away for a moment and he gave a sigh.

“That easy to read?” he asked her. His feet carried him closer to her so they would not have to shout over the ambient noise of the other animals.

“Took a while to figure out your expressions through that beard, but yeah, you seem like you’re a little lost,” Aaren answered. Yakul quietly munched on a treat that Aaren gave him. Masamune was sitting by her side.

“…” Blackwall was silent for a moment. How could he ask her about Maeve? Aaren probably knew about as much as he did or perhaps even less. The woman certainly had been busy with her own personal life as well as her duties here at the Inquisition.

“Maeve will come back,” Aaren said with confidence. “She’s not like me, she won’t go looking for a fight.”

It was meant as a joke, but the worry that Blackwall had in his eyes was enough to spread out in lines all over his face. Aaren’s joking smile started to fade and she eventually cleared her throat.

“Leliana’s also seen her return back to the castle in Denerim. She’s not out in the field any more. But that’s everything. She says her friend Zevran has locked down on all other messages going out of the castle about their status,” Aaren informed lightly. “But she says that her scouts have reported that there as an air of tension…like the crest of energy right before a battle…”

Blackwall found himself holding his breath. Maeve was going to be thrown into the middle of an all out civil war with these rebels? Aaren searched his face for a moment and then reached out to pat him on the shoulder.

“Maeve is good at what she does. As much as I fought against her going out there and fighting for the Inquisition, she’s risen to be one of the best here. I would know, she’s my best friend and can be just as stubborn,” Aaren said with a light chuckle. “She’ll come back, and probably kiss the hell out of you. Might be enough to make your beard fall off.”

That got a chuckle out of Blackwall, as well as the rising color on his cheeks. Aaren smiled at the Grey Warden and hoped that his fears might have been eased.

~

The sun was starting to set when the alarm bells started to sound off. Maeve was in the middle of playing with Nieves and Gabriel when she heard them. The two kids looked back to Maeve with fright in the eyes.

“Let’s go,” Maeve said with the utmost seriousness. Their mother had told them exactly what they needed to do in this situation, and Gabriel grabbed firmly to Nieves’ hand. He led her swiftly down the halls and straight into their room. Maeve ran past them and into her own room. It was now go time. She quickly dressed in her protective leather armour and grabbed her own bow and arrow that stood in a corner. The strap slipped easily over her head as the quiver lay neatly across her back. She then ran down the halls and ran straight into Erykah.

“They found a spot near one of the weaker point in the wall. Their fighting in the western courtyard and an arrow or two,” she said quickly. In her hand was the shine of a metal pistol. Maeve had only seen those from a distance or in movies, never up close and personal.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Maeve said with a nod. Her legs carried her down a few more halls and out into an open area. There already were echoing cries of the fallen and the loud clanks of steel against steel as the battle before her opened up. Many of the King’s men had formed up in a line to defend the doors leading into the castle. Those who were not in the defensive line charged forward to engage the rebels that were funneling through the collapsed portion of the wall. Maeve reached behind her and knocked one arrow. The string drew back until her hand was level with her cheek. She waited, and observed the fight before her. When she saw one rebel standing out in the open, she would fire. One was hit right in the torso, and slowed down enough for the King’s Guard to cut them down. Occasionally, Maeve would get the lucky strike to the head and quickly end an attack. Few made it through the defensive line, as they were well prepared for the strike.

“Fall back!!!” someone shouted. Many of the rebels that were there started to back away from their position and disappeared like roaches behind the rumble for whence they came.

_Something doesn’t feel right_ Maeve thought as she lowered her bow slowly. Athelstan would not just send men to his deaths, not for the sake of riling up the guards. This was one of several attacks that would soon follow. 

“Do not let your guard down for a moment. The King has ordered that we remain defensive!” the commanding officer shouted at the others. Maeve looked around. There had to be someone or something to come in for a surprise to throw off the defense. But all was silent.

“Maeve!” someone called with an Antivan accent. Maeve turned to see Zevran, all dressed in tight armour. He ran up to her, a dagger in one hand.

“What’s going on?” Maeve asked with a little bit of worry.

“Change of plans,” he said with a matter of urgency. 

“I can see that, where is the rest of the force?” Maeve asked. As though to answer her, a lightning bolt struck down in front of them. The blast of magic that came from it was enough to toss even the most heavily clad soldier to the ground. To the rest, it was a large gust of wind as well as the tingle of electricity that permeated the air. Maeve’s hair was standing on end, literally, while Zevran was already in action. He pulled her down behind one of the smaller walls that separated a roofed walkway and the traditional outside. 

“That is the change…Athelstan had his mages here to focus the attack here. Leaving the main door quite open to attack,” Zevran explained. He looked more annoyed than anything else. Maeve could hear more lightning strikes as well as the shouts of pain that echoed off the stone.

“What are we doing about the mages?!” Maeve asked with all seriousness if not fear that they would lose.

“The Chantry is nearby, and there are some Templars that have remained loyal to protecting the people hear rather than run off with their crazed brothers and sisters,” Zevran informed cooly. 

“That’s not a lot of people,” Maeve stated. She didn’t know for sure, but she was certain that most Templars had fallen under the control of Corypheus and their Red Lyrium members. 

“No, but it is some people,” Zevran said. He motioned for her to follow him and they snuck around the inside of the wall and disappeared between a hidden hole in the wall. Maeve had little time to act surprised, as the Elven Crow continued on without looking back. He placed a lot of faith to have her follow him, not that she had any other choice. They walked around behind the enemy lines, ignoring the cries of the damned and the echoes of agony that wracked through Maeve’s being. They had to get to their destination soon, and then no one else would have to suffer at the hands of these mages. Zevran stealthily climbed up one of the side walls, and helped Maeve up. There stood two mages that were too focused on casting their spells. Zevran took his opportunity and wrapped a dagger around the front of the mage only to sink it quietly and quickly into his chest. Maeve took her own dagger out and found a kidney. 

The cry of pain rang out loudly, followed by the struggle to get away. Maeve gripped her blade tighter, as the mage did the worst thing possible in this situation. The mage turned, and with it, severing a vital artery. Blood started to gush out from the gap that the blade created, and seeped down onto the stone. She took her knife out and let the mage stagger back. He turned to see her face.

“Y…you,” he breathed angrily through gritted teeth. Maeve said nothing, merely approached quickly and ended the man’s torment. He had crumpled down enough so she could easily slit his throat. She looked to see where Zevran was. The elf looked over the wall they were standing on and observed the battle below them.

“Aaaaah, I missed the smell of battle,” he said with a bit of nostalgia. Maeve gave an irritated scowl at him.

“Who in their right mind would miss that?” she asked. Maeve then took up her bow and got ready to knock one arrow. From this vantage point, she could easily pick off those that would dare to try and enter this area. Two or three were downed with one arrow. The less fortunate were ended by the castle guards. There was a loud whistle followed by an explosion in the distance. Oddly enough, Maeve thought it looked exactly like a flare.

“I’d save your arrows, we have more important matters,” Zevran said as he placed a hand on her bow and lowered it with a little force. A little annoyance ran through Maeve, but dissipated when she saw the worried look on his face. There was something to that flare that gave a more serious message than she could decipher. He glanced back at the flare and then back at Maeve.

“Meet me in the throne room. Stefan and Athelstan will have, no doubt, made their way there by now,” he said with a joking tone that seemed forced. The elf then scaled down the wall with an expertise that Maeve had yet to master. She ran up to the side and watched him carefully, to make sure that he did not encounter any enemies, and then lost sight of him in the middle of all the fighting. Maeve looked to the castle itself and sent a single prayer that everyone inside would be okay.

With cautious climbing, Maeve made her way around the fighting and back into the castle. It felt oddly quiet. Most of the guards were out defending the outer walls of the castle. None of them patrolled the halls of the castle. A sinking feeling fell in the pit of Maeve’s stomach. If Athelstan and Stefan decided to take this opportunity to attack the interior of the castle, then those defenseless would be slaughtered. She shuddered at the thought and continued to hurry her way to the throne room. As Maeve came close to the door, she could hear the familiar muffled sound of fighting. Maeve quietly pushed the door open to see where the fighting was taking place.

Two men were fighting against Erykah. She held, in her hand, a sword to block the aggressive attacks of the closer of the two fighters. They were masked in the same style as Stefan’s mask, and just as ruthless with their attacks.

“Just give up, dog, and we will let you walk free from here, with your children, alive,” the familiar ring of Athelstan’s tone of indifference met Maeve’s ears. Erykah looked past her sword and backed up from the current locked position. The man stumbled forward, and blocked the path of the second attacker. She stepped back quickly and poised the sword between her and the enemy.

“Yeah, because you let any old _dog_ walk away once it has shown its fangs to you,” she said with a pant or two in between her words. There was a chuckle from Athelstan.

“True enough, but I know when to let a bitch and her pups go,” Athelstan retorted simply. Erykah smiled lightly at the man. Were all these people insane? No one in their right mind would ever smile in a situation like this.

“Guess I should let you in on a little secret,” Erykah said. She grabbed at her hip and within two seconds, the two soldiers were dead in front of her. Maeve watched as Erykah had pulled her revolver from her hip and skillfully put a bullet between the eyes of each of her opponents. They jerked back once before they collapsed on the ground like rag dolls. Smoke rose from the end of the barrel of her pistol. Maeve barely registered the two loud bangs that echoed loudly against the castle stone. All laughter fell from Athelstan as he watched his own guards fall so easily. 

“I should have remembered that Erykah Mornstar was a mage,” Athelstan murmured in silent rage.

“Hate to break it to ya, but I’m not magical in anyway. This, my friend, is fire, steel, and gunpowder,” Erykah said simply. Her sword had fallen to one side as her gun hand was aimed directly at Athelstan.

“I can end this in two seconds, friend. Why don’t you lay down your arms and maybe you won’t have to send more of your boys to the slaughter house,” she added with slow, intentional click of the hammer back into a fire ready position. Something in the shadow’s caught Maeve’s eye. The ever subtle flutter of a robe that jutted out behind one of the pillars.

_Stefan_ Maeve thought. She pushed the door open, and shouted at Erykah to get down, but it was too late. Erykah had little time to react to the sudden attack. She was blasted back by the magic, and bounced, hard, twice on the hard stone floor. Her gun clattered away from her as she skidded to a halt. Her body lay eerily still, lifeless. All Maeve could feel was the horror of not being able to do anything in that moment. She took her hand back, shakily and then looked over to Athelstan.

“Our little Laura, so this is where you ran off to,” Athelstan said to her. There was displeasure in his tone. Maeve held her dagger at the ready. Any sudden movement and Maeve would attack.

“I didn’t think you would be working for the bastard king,” he murmured angrily. His gaze fell on her and there she could feel regret starting to well up. Every man and woman that worked under him must have come under this intense gaze, and knew, knew that there was no one else out there to match it. It had Maeve pinned with fear.

_Move, you idiot! MOVE!_ She shouted in her mind but her legs would not budge.

“I wondered where my plans had gone to, where all that precious information disappeared to…it was you all along,” he snarled out. He pulled his sword from his sheath. With each step, he walked forward with purpose.

“You would have destroyed hundred, thousands of lives!” Maeve shouted at him. Her words stopped him in his tracks.

“Is that what _they_ taught you?” he asked with venom in each word.

“No…it is what I found out myself,” Maeve said. Bravery started to swell in her chest, warmed her stiffened muscles.

“You commanded your men in the shadows, rarely out to see them or to mingle with them. If you ever came out, it was because someone seriously messed up, and you had to _deal_ with them,” Maeve answered. She felt her own glare start to harden. “You ruled your people with fear. They _feared_ to so much as speak out against you!”

“I have seen what happens when people are ruled in fear,” King Alistair’s voice rang out. “That is when the traitor Logain sat in this throne.”

Both Maeve and Athelstan looked to the throne to see King Alistair standing there in golden armor. The crest of the royal family on his chest, a purple cloak around his shoulders, and his sword on his hip. Hazel eyes glared down at them with determination.

“King Alistair,” Maeve breathed.

“So, the leader of the pack shows up,” Athelstan growled out. A sinister smile upon his face. Maeve looked to Athelstan then looked to Alistair.

“Stefan, the mage, is in the shadows!” she announced.

“So that’s what happened. I wondered why my lovely wife was laying on the ground,” Zevran’s voice echoed from the dark. He brought forth the mage, Stefan, from the darkness and a knife to his throat. Athelstan’s face dropped, and the color drained. King Alistair walked forward and knelt down on one knee to check on Erykah.

“I suggest you pray to Andraste for forgiveness,” Zevran said with a deadly tone. The knife tightened against Stefan’s neck, so much so that the mage had to press as close as he could to Zevran to prevent it from cutting into him. Maeve looked over to Alistair and saw that he moved her in the gentlest of ways. Already she was on her back. He then bent over her, an ear to her mouth for a heartbeat, or more.

“She still lives,” he announced. He straightened up and picked her up carefully in his arms. Her head rested in the crook of his shoulder as he set her off to the side. He then took off his cloak and carefully lay it over her body. 

“She lives, you can ease up on the dagger,” Stefan growled out. That only seemed to make Zevran tighten his grip further.

“I don’t think you are in an appropriate position to gamble with me,” Zevran murmured. King Alistair then stood up and faced the Athelstan.

“You march yourself in here, threaten my kingdom, and for what? Because you believe that Logain was the better man to run this country?” King Alistair asked severely. “I could understand if I happened to be crap at ruling this country, but I’d like to think that I have done my best for the people of Ferelden.”

“It was King Logain who would have brought this nation to its former glory!” Athelstan spat. “We would have brought Orlais to its knees, showed them the consequences of their invasion and brutal rule over us!”

Maeve looked at Athelstan with surprise. Before it was merely to support Logain but now the true colors were showing.

“Orlais has little interest in attempting an invasion now, as they are too busy with their own civil war to even think about Ferelden,” King Alistair said. “And I don’t know about you, but there is the whole Breech in the sky issue that I feel is more pressing at the moment.”

Athelstan looked like he might turn purple with rage. King Alistair handled himself with more tact than even Maeve thought she would ever see. Most of the time he would joke around as though he were an immature little kid, but perhaps that was in the presence of good friends and not in front of someone who threatened the entire country of Ferelden.

“And that is when Orlais would strike!” Athelstan argued.

“If they were not currently busy fighting over who is the rightful ruler of Orlais,” King Alistair said then rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. 

“Honestly, I don’t know which is worse, them for fighting over something as silly as that when there is a threat to the entire world, or you for wanting to plunge our country into the same circumstances.”

That is when Athelstan had had enough. He charged forward with an angry cry and King Alistair blocked him with a very cool and calculated maneuver. His maneuver redirected the flow of the duel so that Erykah would be left to recover in relative peace. And then the duel was fought in earnest. Maeve could barely keep up with the flow of each blade as one crashed down on the other. For her it looked like King Alistair was on the defensive, waiting to find a striking point to end this fight. Athelstan’s attacks were wild, and predictable.

“Athelstan, no!” Stefan shouted at his partner. There was a desperation in his voice, even as Zevran held him back. The elf kicked him in the back of the knees and forced him to the ground. The dagger never left its spot against his jugular. Stefan grabbed at the hand that held the knife, his grip was tight as a result of his frantic desire to be freed. The flow of the battle changed after that shout. King Alistair fought with more seriousness. Maeve glanced a look at his face and saw the determination that had changed from mere annoyance. The King, in one move, disarmed Athelstan and then ran him through with the sword.

A desperate and mournful cry echoed out in the throne room, followed by a deafening silence. Athelstan struggled against the blade that had pierced through him. He looked down with the surprise and painful effort. Then his eyes returned with the same shocked look and met a determined glare.

“I fought during the Fifth Blight, stared down an Archdemon, you are the least of my worries,” King Alistair said severely. He then pushed Athelstan off of his blade was watched with cold eyes as the man struggled to remain standing. Maeve watched in silent horror as the stone below was painted with a crimson red. Athelstan mouthed something, and then collapsed on the ground with a deathly stillness. The blood continued to pool around him.

“Athelstan…” Stefan then said in the most sorrowful tone. Maeve turned to see the mage’s shoulders were slumped, and tears started to drip from underneath the mask. They ran down his cheeks and dropped to the floor in quiet screams of mournful agony. Maeve could almost feel sorry for him. He’d witnessed the execution of his lover, and could do nothing to prevent it. But those feels were slowly stamped out as soon as Maeve started to remind herself of what they wanted to do. They wanted to rule this country under a fearful fist of power that no one would be able to challenge. The people would only become a fearful flock of sheep while bowing to the words of their wolf captures. 

“I told you…to be careful…” Stefan continued. His fists were tight enough to make his knuckles go white. Maeve turned to see his glare now upon her and then she felt the air drop about twenty degrees. Her body froze again, a primal fear that held her muscles in place while she stared down her predator. 

“ _You!_ ” his voice was venom.

_I can’t move…_ Maeve thought. If anyone else yelled at her like that, she would have shrank back, but her body was locked in place. Every muscle did not seem to react to her brain as it told her to move out of the way. 

“It’s _your_ fault!” he spat at her.

“I’d choose your next words, carefully, friend,” Zevran warned. But even he seemed to struggle against this new surge of strength.

“I thought there was something different about you! You were all too eager to help out with everything! And then you disappeared along with several important documents… _you_ are the reason why Athelstan is laying on the ground! _MURDERED_!” Stefan snarled. The knife pressed against his skin, and cut just the tiniest sliver to allow blood to drip down.

“He was the one to engage in a duel. I believe it was your Athelstan that decided his own fate,” King Alistair said cooly.

“Oh shut up!” Stefan snarled angrily. “I’ll make you wished you never lived. You will suffer! And the world will burn!”

The blood around Athelstan started to hum lightly, and then rise up into the air. King Alistair stepped back, his sword pointed to the now magically floating blood.

“Any time Zevran,” King Alistair then said. But the blood did not race toward the King, instead it lashed out and bound Maeve to where she was. Her eyes widened and fear now set in so deeply she could feel tears starting to sting the corners of her eyes. Then the blood rose up like a snake and struck at her face fast. Maeve closed her eyes and braced for the pain that would follow.

“Maeve!” King Alistair’s shout echoed in the darkness and then all was silent. Maeve kept her eyes closed, and waited for the pain to arrive. But nothing. Not even a single sound was heard. With slow, and shaking breath, she opened her eyes. The world around her was dark, save for the sea of red that now surrounded her. The bindings that held her in place were gone. Maeve looked at her hands in surprise and then around. There was nothing, nothing but this weird red liquid that covered her feet and up to her ankles. It had an odd smell to it too. Maeve lifted her foot to watch the red liquid run down ever so slowly.

_Blood?_ Maeve thought in surprise. She backed up quickly, the red liquid sloshed with each step. Wildly, she looked for a place to get out of this liquid, to no avail.

“How?! Why?” she breathed. 

“Augh….ugh…” someone was moaning in the distance. Maeve looked to see who it was but it only echoed in the emptiness around her. There was the slight echo of someone walking through water. A splash or two, one light, then a heavy splash after it. Someone with a heavy limp perhaps? 

“Oh my God…Oh my God,” Maeve kept saying over and over again. She looked around once more and in the distance, saw a figure slowly approach her. It was hunched, and struggled to get closer. As it stepped into the light, Maeve clasped her hands around her mouth. It was Aaren. Her hair was matted with blood, her skin a deathly pale. Arrows stuck out of her back, more than any one person should ever have sticking out of her body. She gasped for air, only to cough out blood that oozed from her mouth. Maeve’s eyes widened in horror.

“Why Maeve?...” Aaren asked with a raspy voice. Maeve wasn’t sure what Aaren meant, not what any of this meant. Instead, she slowly approached her dying friend, tears stung her vision even as she blinked it away. 

“You should have just killed him…ended it…” Aaren wheezed. A cough sent blood spewing from her mouth and the force had her stumbling forward. Maeve reached out to catch her friend but Aaren caught herself with a steady foot.

“What are you talking about, Aaren?” Maeve asked. Her mind was already whirling at a possible explanation if there was any. Aaren shouldn’t have been here, she should have been in Skyhold, recovering. 

“LOOK!” Aaren shouted. She tried to gesture to behind her but her hand fell to her side and flopped like some sick fish. Maeve couldn’t help but follow the bath Aaren intended to show. Behind Aaren, lay more bodies. More bodies that she knew.

“No…” Maeve whispered in horror. Cullen lay on his side in the blood, his face filled with horror and stilled with death. Blackwall lay adjacent, on his back, his mouth gaping in a silent scream with a sword through his chest, and many more through the rest of him. Many others, Sera, Bull, Dorian, everyone back at Skyhold was dead before her.

“It’s your fault…it’s all your fault,” Aaren said bitterly. Maeve opened her mouth to say something, but what could she say. What she was seeing couldn’t be real. Everyone here was back at Skyhold. Maeve was at the castle in Denerim. There was no way that she would be seeing Aaren now, especially not like this. But this blood, it felt real. She could feel it wrap around her ankle like she had stepped in a puddle. There was a gurgle that brought Maeve back to the current reality. She watched as Aaren struggled for her last few breaths but only blood poured from her mouth. Her body gave, and she slumped forward into the blood, still.

“Aaren? Aaren?!” Maeve shouted at her. “This can’t be real. None of this is real. Aaren’s back at Skyhold, healing. Blackwall and Cullen are there too…I was at the castle…this can’t be really real. This isn’t real!”

~

“Maeve! Maeve!!” Alistair shouted at the fallen woman. She murmured incoherent things, her eyes never focused on one thing. There was a glaze over her face as though she was in a lucid dream. Alistair had done his best to wake her from such a state, to no avail. He glared over at the dead mage. Zevran had slit his throat once he saw the blood capture Maeve, but it did not do a damned thing. Maeve was still bound. By blood magic.

“I’ll see to it that a mage is summoned,” Zevran said.

“No,” Alistair said with the shake of his head. “You have a family, tend to them.”

“But your Highness,” Zevran protested. It was a weak protest. Alistair looked at him and then glanced over at Erykah in a silent demand to heed his words. The elf wasted no time in running to her side. He knelt down, and checked her over for injuries. Alistair turned his face back to Maeve.

“I am so sorry, Maeve…” he whispered the sincerest of apologize. Not as a king to a soldier, but as a man to one who suffered a fatal wound on the battlefield.


	37. People Do Strange Things For Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Aaren has come back from the darkness of her own mind, she has started of things of ways to repay Commander Cullen for his generosity. But how exactly?

Darkness. That is what Aaren saw. She stood in the middle of the same room she had stood in when she had those strange dreams in the infirmary.

_This again?_ Aaren thought. At least she was not laying on the cold stone, nor was she as severely wounded as last time. The torches were lit. Aaren found that to be strange. It was like this world was not really in her dreams. Aaren frowned at that thought.

_Aaren_ the wispy voice called her. It was the same whisper that felt like the hot breath of those words against her ear. Aaren slowly brushed her hand over her ear to check and make sure there was no one there. Nothing. Nothing but air and the feeling that she was being watched. She looked down the hallway with a sense of dread and caution. 

_I won’t find anything by standing hereThis place…it’s too quiet_ she thought to herself with an increasing sense of dread that sat on her stomach.

_They have not found you here_ the voice the whispered. It seemed louder, but faint enough that Aaren could not discern whether it to be female or male. That answer made Aaren stop in her tracks. It could read her thoughts. Or seemingly so. A chuckle, or a giggle, further solidified that theory.

_We are both in the same dream_ it whispered.

“Dream my left nut,” Aaren murmured under her breath. Two torches lit up a door to her left. Under normal circumstances, Aaren would not go towards the set of doors with magical lighting fires next to it. That spelled out “doom” in the worst of ways. But as this was a dream…or supposedly a dream, it wouldn’t be so terrible…would it?

 _Dreams are wonderous places_ Solas had once said _but it hardly defines reality, though we could debate on if it is truly real or not._

Aaren sighed heavily. She had the chance to talk to him at length about what dreaming was like here in Thedas. It ended up being one of the longest conversations she had ever had with the man. Which left her wondering about this dream. Solas had said that mages who were to come into their magic often times had reoccurring dreams or dreams where they are completely conscious of their actions. Aaren said nothing about her own dreams, as she did not want to raise any alarms. 

_It is not what you think it is_ the voice whispered. Aaren’s hand froze on the handle of the wooden door, a frown on her face.

_Then what exactly is it?_ Aaren asked with a slight snap. 

_You are who I choose to be_ the voice replied. Her frown turned into a scowl. Her hand pushed open the door to reveal an old, overgrown courtyard. The trees were covered in browning ivy and the statues looked like they had weathered its fair share of storms. Aaren thought she had seen these statues before. It was a sense of nostalgia as she looked over the overgrown courtyard…but…it wasn’t really a courtyard. Aaren looked behind her and the walls of the supposed corridor that she walked was replaced by a large dense forest. 

“Well…okay…” Aaren said nervously. The more she stood there in this…whatever it was, the more she felt like she should not be here.

_Find me. Find me. Find me._ The voice then started to whisper. The whisper got louder and louder and louder. So much so that Aaren covered her ears to try and stop the sound. But it did nothing. She gritted her teeth, willed that the voices stop to no avail.

“SHUT UP!” She shouted. Her eyes opened up and she saw the familiar stone ceiling. Masamune sniffed at her side before his head flopped heavily on her stomach. Aaren slowly took away her hands from her ears and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

“Just a dream,” she murmured softly. A hand rest on Masamune’s head while the other flopped down by her side. A quick look at the curtains signified that morning had yet to even come. Another sigh and Aaren returned her gaze to the ceiling. Hopefully, sleep would return before the first morning light graced Skyhold.

~

Light seeped in through the thin curtains and slowly rose up to Aaren’s bed. The gentle rays of the sun rose over the edge of the bed and spread over Aaren’s face. Her eyebrows furrowed along with a slight groan at being woken up in that way. She rubbed her face into her pillow and stretched out her stiffer muscles. Masamune stirred and lifted his head with a loud whiny yawn. Once Aaren was aware of her surroundings, she looked back over to the window. Her stomach dropped.

“Oh shit,” she said to herself. She was a little late. Late to work. Late to her meetings. Late for everything! With a shove of her blankets, she covered Masamune under a sea of warm cotton and launched off the bed. Breakfast would be forgotten as she put on her armour in a hurry. She’d have to forgo the usual tidiness she’d usually have. Her braid was very messy as she ran out the door. Masamune finally got out from under the blankets to find his pack leader gone. He went to the door and watch as Aaren skipped down the stairs, her sword clattered loudly with every step. He looked back to see that she forgot her sling and grabbed it in his mouth before he chased after her.

“Hey Captain,” some of the other soldiers greeted. They quickly moved out of the way as soon as they realized that their Captain was running as though she had a demon on her heels.

“Hey, running late. Can’t talk,” she shouted behind her with a light apologetic tone. There were a few chuckles before it disappeared behind the sound of her feet hitting the stone. Most people here had accepted that she would run late from time to time. Most, if not all, figured that it was because she poured all of her time and effort into her job, or developed that habit because she was now in a relationship with their devoted commander. If only that were true.

Stone turned into hard dirt and softened the echo of her rushed footsteps. Masamune had easily caught up with her and now raced forward to greet the Wolf Warriors that were already out in the training field. 

“Captain!” Finn shouted and then waved. Aaren’s run slowed to a small jog and then into a standing pant. Her hands were on her knees and her lungs sucked in badly needed air. 

“Running late, again?” a more serious tone asked. Though it might have been serious, there was a hint of amusement. Aaren looked up to see Ian with his arms crossed and a slight smile on his attempt at a scolding face.

“Just…just a little,” she replied. Her forefinger and her thumb were held up to represent just how much so. 

“You do realize you are still on leave to recover,” Allisen was the one to point it out. Aaren looked up at her and then straightened all the way up. She opened her mouth to say something but Ian answered faster.

“She is not supposed to participate in the drills, but she is allowed to be present for them,” he said as though he were reminding the entire group. “Robin might argue otherwise, but Aaren is still our Captain. She needs to be present.”

Masamune walked up to Ian and he bent down to take the cloth out of the wolf’s mouth. He then helped Aaren fix her arm back up into the sling without a complaint from her. The stern look was enough to remind her of what she should have done.

“Thanks,” Aaren said, and wrapped her good arm around her bad one.

“Captain,” he responded with a nod. It was good to know that he had changed from her respected rival, to the first person that would stand up and defend her. To become her second in command. Aaren had a slight smile on her face, even as she watched them practice. A few of the other soldiers came up with questions, or reports that needed her signature for whatever reason. Most of the time, she was directing the others on their form, their spirit of attack, and the like. The day went on like that until the healers called for her usual checkup and therapy. Many of them had good compliments, especially about her ability to take it easy now that she listened to their words. They made sure to tell her of her improvement but voiced that she should still use caution. 

Aaren thanked them as usual and proceeded to walk down from their brand new tower. The infirmary below was for those with more serious wounds. The new mage tower acted like an out-patient program of her world. Or it was possible because most of the magical healers that she knew were aware of her dislike of the infirmary, they were all the happier to accommodate. Especially if it meant some of the greener mages did not have to witness the horrific results of the war against Corypheus. 

“Well Masamune, we have time on our hands,” Aaren said. The wolf looked up at her with a slight wag of his tail. The new sling allowed her arm to remain firm against her body, and it was padded around her neck so that it would not cut into her skin and spread the weight of her arm over the opposite shoulder. She rolled her shoulder and looked around.

“What should we do?” she asked the wolf. There was only silence, followed by a sigh. Of course, her beastly friend could not speak and thus could not answer her. She looked at her surroundings, and of course, her eyes fell upon the Commander’s office. It was kind of hard to miss when it looked like a towering, well, tower in the distance. Since their duel, they have found a healthy respect for each other, and they have learned to be more open with one another.

_I never really thanked him_ Aaren thought to herself. A small, very very tiny of a whisper of her inner self spoke up. Slowly, she looked down at Masamune with a wide grin.

“I know…let’s go plan a date with our favorite person,” she suggested. Masamune’s tail started to wag furiously. At least he seemed to understand what she meant. Or was excited because she said the word “favorite” as she often told him he was her “favorite wolf.” But with that in mind, the two of them excitedly walked to the library. The people of Skyhold would not think twice about what she came there to do. In order to fill the void that was her training, she had set out to train her mind more. She’d learned about most of the history of Thedas, as well as all there could possibly be known about Lyrium. She had yet to figure out the different politics of the world, and quite frankly, it put her to sleep. Rather, she studied about the other things of this world. The plants, animals, how magic worked and didn’t work, etc. But now, she was here to get away from unwanted eyes in order to do one things she never thought she would do in her entire life.

_Plan a date_

Romance was not something that Aaren felt she was adept in. In fact, she felt she was so far a novice that she was a lost cause. But since Maeve had helped her further her relationship with Cullen, Aaren had tried to be more of a girlfriend. Most of such things resulted in her making a complete fool out of herself and earning the jeering laughter of those who found out about her attempts. Most of them were small things to other people, making lunches, extra time spent on her clothes, or even a small attempt at makeup. That was the last attempt, as she felt silly when everyone else was staring at her with their jaws halfway through the ground. 

_That’s something best forgotten_ Aaren thought to herself as she gathered up a quill, some ink, and some parchment. She found a table in a decent corner of the library and set about making a list of things they had already done. As she did, a slow smile started to spread across her face. Those memories, they held such joy. Even if at the time they were nerve wracking and terribly uncomfortable, they were amusing enough to make her laugh at how stupid she was. The best memory she had was when she finally admitted her feelings for Cullen…and the kiss that followed. Light blush appeared on her face as she thought about it.

That day she was so nervous, that she could have died. And yet, as soon as she found out that Cullen harbored the same feelings for her, she was so happy she could have died. It was as if the world slowed down, and her brain could not comprehend what had happened. And now, that memory just made her smile and her heart swell with lingering happiness. Aaren’s quill tapped on the parchment as she got lost in her own daydream and thoughts.

“Not really good at scavenger ideas?” a voice announced dramatically. Aaren’s thoughts stopped short as well as the feeling of dread sink into her stomach.  
“Are you trying to torture the poor man?”

Aaren jumped in her seat and automatically covered the list she was making with her good arm. The movement nearly knocked over the inkbottle she was using. Aaren could feel her face heat up with embarrassment and wished that her other arm was in better condition. At least then she could hide the rest of her notes from prying eyes. No matter how many times she told herself she needed to get over her embarrassment about being in a relationship it still got her every time. It was even worse because her thoughts were exactly on their relationship, the cuter aspects of it, but still! 

_I doubt I will ever get over this bashfulness!_ Aaren thought hopelessly. The person in question was Dorian Pavus. He was the second helper in her blooming relationship with Cullen, but also, he was the worst teaser. Ruthless, unrelenting, and nothing was too low for him to exploit as far as making her feel ashamed and embarrassed. 

“Ever heard of announcing yourself before coming up behind me?!” Aaren snapped at the mage. All she saw was his grin start to widen in a more mischievous smirk. 

“I tried to earlier but you were a little preoccupied,” he stated as fact. “It looked as though you might have floated away with sheer glee.”

Aaren scowled up at him, her face definitively red. Dorian moved to look closer at what she was writing but she shifted defensively. That move granted her a light chuckle of amusement.

“Having issues, my dear?” he asked. The teasing tone was oh so evident. Aaren looked away from him.

“I haven’t a clue what you are talking about,” she tried to play it off. Obviously that crappy lie would only spur the mage into asking more question.

“Oh, come now, don’t play thick with me,” he said as though scolding her. Aaren felt the quick slip of her paper pulled out from under her arm. Her arm reached out and her hand grasped at air when she tried to get back the piece of paper that she had wrote on. But Dorian stepped just out of her reach. 

“Hey! don't!” Aaren snapped at him to no avail. She watched in horror as his eyes read over the words that she wrote. Each passing sentence only seemed to make him chuckle more. Out of embarrassment she covered her face with the only free hand she had. 

“Scouting trip, lunch date,” Dorian then began to read out loud. Aaren sank in her seat and wished she could disappear from this place. At least then she would not have to bear the cruelty that Dorian gave willingly.  
“Are you listing all the cutesy things you two do? You could have asked any man with eyes to do that,” he added with a light chortle.

“A sword through the back would have been kinder,” Aaren murmured. The sound of the light flutter of paper let her know that Dorian gave back the list, but the damage was already done. 

“What are you trying to achieve here?” Dorian asked with a laugh. Aaren was so easily embarrassed it was so adorable. It was completely amusing to see one of the strongest women get so scared like a young child in two second. However, Dorian was not that heartless.

“Oh, now you’re the one playing thick,” Aaren snapped softly. Her face had yet to come out from behind her hand.

“No, I believe I actually want to know why you’re writing out a list of all the things you and the dear Commander did together,” Dorian replied without missing a beat. The bashful warrior peaked out from behind her hand and looked down at the list he had returned. How could she explain this? It was bad enough to try and do this by herself now that she was self-conscious about it, but to actually admit what her goal was? Impossible now. 

“It’s because…I…” Aaren tried to explain but her voice faltered and disappeared from her. The embarrassment was just too great. Her face hid behind her hand once more, and the color red spread all the way to her ears.

“Take all the time you need,” Dorian encouraged. If he was trying to be nice and wait patiently for an answer, he was being a complete ass hat about it. Aaren opened her mouth to say something but ended up closing her mouth once more. Why couldn't she just spit out what she wanted to say like she normally did? It just didn't make any sense that she would be so tripped up in her own mind.

“I want to try and make a date for Cullen okay?!” Aaren hissed at Dorian. There was a silence that settled between the two. Then, Dorian’s surprised face turned into a huge grin followed by a loud laugh. A few of the other library patrons turned in their direction and only added to Aaren’s embarrassment.

“See, that wasn't so hard, was it?” Dorian said after he was done laughing.

“I’m so glad my struggles amuse you,” Aaren muttered softly. “You’re trying to kill me of embarrassment.”

“If that was my intention, I would have done it a long time ago. You are so easily abashed,” he pointed out as he sat on the edge of the table. “Please allow me to assist you.”

Aaren glared up at him. He could be such an ass at times. Yes, Aaren would be the first one to jump on board the train to teasing when it was someone else but she knew how ruthless he could be…now that it was turned around on her she didn't appreciate it as much. She looked away from the mage in a huff.

“I believe I have every right to be upset with you right now,” she said to him. And rightfully so. There was nothing nice or helpful about laughing at the state of her affairs. Not to mention make this process a hell of a lot harder than it needed to be. But if Dorian was doing this as payment for his assistance…perhaps that was his way of apologizing for being a complete and utter ass.

“But seeing as how hopeless my situation is I have no choice…especially when Maeve’s gone,” she added begrudgingly. 

“That’s more like it,” Dorian responded with enthusiasm.

What was she going to do with him? He might have been an ass at times, but he was definitely a friend to her. He watched as she fell to Red Templar arrows, and walked to the valley of Death and back. He Was the first one she saw when she woke up, and he was the only other one that seemed to take a positive outlook on her research on Lyrium. Even if Dorian teased her about her relationship, deep down the man wanted to help a friend of his. Aaren nodded and then cleared her throat.

“Well…I…um…” she started to say what she wanted before she found herself unable to speak again. She swallowed hard. Speaking out loud about this with someone was not easy. 

“I wanted to do something different…” Aaren managed to say only after she had summoned enough courage. However, her voice was barely a whisper. Dorian really had to strain his ears in order to hear the rather bashful warrior speak. 

“Something much grander then,” Dorian said thoughtfully. He crossed his arms and placed a finger on his chin in thought. A few moments went by and then he glanced down at her notes again.

“May I?” he asked. Aaren scowled up at him.

“You helped yourself without asking before,” she pointed out with a hint of frustration in her voice. Dorian smiled knowingly.

“Yes, but now that I am helping you, it is better to be polite than to, as you say, be an ass about it,” he replied. That only deepened Aaren’s scowl. But she did hand him the list she had made thus far. 

He looked over her notes carefully. Yes, most of these were things that both her and their loving Commander had enjoyed together. There was he wonderful ride out in the snow and making whatever snowmen were, not to mention the fact that they nearly shared their first kiss on that adventure. There was also the time that Cullen went out of his way to find a special spot to share with Aaren while she was still on the recovery. Then there were their daily lunches they would have with one another. Other than that, the memories of them being together were not as romantic as one might think. The sudden walk into death, recovering, and continuing to recover from such things. No, no, there were very few opportunities that these two had to sit down and just enjoy some time with one another. Thus, Dorian needed to step in and offer his services.

“Well, it looks like you two need to have some time to yourselves, period,” he stated rather than commented.

“Meaning?” Aaren asked. It was good to hear that she was not completely stuck in her embarrassment.

“Something much more…romantic,” Dorian explained and then gestured to the list in his hands. “So far, you two have been on two official dates, the rest is just time spent together. A lunch here or there, a small walk back to your quarters, but nothing hardly worth noting as a romantic scene.”

“When both of us are busy?” Aaren then asked. There was the sass that Dorian knew Aaren had.

“That is what you have me here for,” Dorian said with a note of something hidden. Aaren looked at him suspiciously.

“No need to look at me like that, I can be noble when I want to be,” he defended.

“I’ll eat my own boots before I believe that,” she retorted back. There was a chuckle and then silence. Both were thinking hard on this subject. Something that would suit Aaren as much as Cullen.

“Have you considered star gazing? That is one of my personal favorites,” Dorian suggested. Aaren nodded. 

“We kinda already did that, the star gazing,” Aaren said sadly. That was back when they were in Haven, and she wanted to show him the wonders the world had to offer them. Back then, she thought Cullen looked down too much and also thought it would be better to have him look up for once. 

“Before before, back when we were in Haven…it was more to make him take a break rather than anything _official_ ,” she added. 

“This time, you can add it to the list,” Dorian said. He placed the paper down in front of her and pointed at it as though he wanted her to take notes.

“You two have that place outside of Skyhold, why not take him there and enjoy the evening rather than just the sunset?”

Aaren turned bright red once more. Looks like Aaren thought that was a secret between her and Cullen. He’ll admit, Dorian didn’t know exactly where this spot was, but when both the Captain of the Wolf Warriors and the Commander of the Inquisition go out of Skyhold for a time, it was hard not to assume they had gone to see each other at a special rendezvous. 

“Take him there during a clear night. You can…watch the stars and read him poetry or tell him how beautiful his eyes are…or just sit there in silence if you prefer,” Dorian continued to press. It only furthered to spread that bright pinkish red on her cheeks to her ears once more. It really was adorable to see the confidence just run away in such a sort amount of time.

“P-poetry?” Aaren stammered. “No…I write, but not poetry…just…no…”

There was no way she was going to write poetry. It had been a while since she actually sat down to write anything, given that the only way to write was with a quill and paper or a piece of charcoal. Mechanical pencils were not a thing here, let alone even a computer to sit down and quickly get the words that flowed into her mind and out. Also, her stories were just that, stories. Mostly action or thought inducing, not the fluffy stuff of romance that pulled at heartstrings and made people go “awwwww.” 

“Fine, then shower him with compliments,” Dorian conceded. Aaren sat there and got lost in that statement. She was also starting to get lost in Dorian’s previous comment about Cullen’s eyes. That was one thing she found she was always interested in looking at. Eyes, according to Edgar Allan Poe, were the window into the soul. Aaren wasn’t sure if that was a true statement or not, but she liked the notion. Rather than look at the soul of the person, she liked to see the colors that made up the eye, to observe if they could sparkle like gems or shimmer like the water of an ocean. 

Take Dorian’s for an example. In her world, most dark haired and darker skin colored people usually had brown, dark brown, to blackish eye colors that matched. But those were of the few people that she had actually met in life. Not Dorian’s. It was almost grey, like that of a Silverite armour plate. They glittered when he laughed or joked with the people around them, though they held a tiny bit of sadness if you watched without him knowing. They were pretty. 

Then there were Maeve’s. Hers were a brownish color, sometimes chocolate if the sun hit them perfectly. There was always that worrying glance, a glaze sometimes that made it feel like she was thinking too deeply about something. But if she was having a good time, they sparkled and laughed with exuberance. Not that Maeve would have known Aaren appreciated eyes long enough to realize that Aaren stared sometimes. 

Now Cullen’s…they were a color that Aaren didn’t think that she would be attracted to. She was more interested in those who had a royal blue or even green color. Those were colors she found changed often with the day. They were intense some days, and others they were soft. Exactly as the sky was often dictated. But Cullen’s, they were a golden brown. Almost akin to that of a chestnut horse that had been freshly groomed and ready for the show. But other times…especially if the fire light played with the colors correctly, it was as if she were staring into a jar of honey. Those were her favorite times, because those were the same eyes that looked back at her as though she was the only thing that mattered in this world. Just that thought made Aaren trail off and forget that she was not completely alone in the room.

“Here, we could make a decent list of vocabulary to use to woo your knight,” Dorian’s voice snapped her out of her current daydream. Aaren blinked a few times and then took a moment to register what Dorian said.

“Uh, I think I’ll pass,” Aaren said, a grin on her face and a hand up. “If I know you, especially if you hang out with Maeve, there is probably something in there that would make my ears catch fire.”

If she did know anything about Maeve and Dorian, it is they were unashamed about who they…well…enjoyed more intimate time with others. Though, Dorian was a bit more reserved but once you got him a drink or two there were a few stories he could tell…and did tell. Her eyes met his and he grinned at her.

“Oh, it’s not my own work,” Dorian corrected. “Those I can only share with my most personal lovers.”

Aaren snorted and broke down into nervous giggles. Half of her believed him, and the other half claimed that he was messing with her. She wasn’t sure exactly which was true and which was false.

“I didn’t ask for your own work,” Aaren said then as she dipped her quill in ink and started to jot some notes down for herself. “If I did, I think I would try a little harder for that sort of privilege.”

“Which, I’m afraid, wouldn't be possible,” Dorian said as stood up from his perch on the table. “No offense, but I don’t think you’re my type.”

Aaren couldn't help but smile at that. Dorian was not interested in women romantically or sexually. He enjoyed the company of men, which was completely fine in her book.

_Love is love, and it likes to take you to places you never thought you’d go_ Aaren thought to herself with an amused smile on her face. 

“You’d be surprised how many people thought I was a man when I was younger,” Aaren said. She saw Dorian raise an eyebrow at her.

“Odd, considering you balance the brutal nature of a warrior with adoration of cute and sophisticatedly feminine things,” Dorian happily pointed out. Aaren merely giggled at him.

“You just say that because I grow my hair out and try to actually style it. If I had my way, I would cut the damned braid off back to my pixie cut. But it wasn’t just because I cut my hair. Boy clothes have always been more comfortable. I loved weary more masculine outfits because they had pockets and were not always trying to show off my ass and other girly bits,” Aaren explained.

“Pockets? Really?” Dorian asked. Of course that would be the thing he would get stuck on.

“Apparently my world doesn’t like to give pockets to women. Don’t know why though, we love pockets,” she replied with a shrug. “I was mistaken for my brother once. When we were about the same height.”

Dorian gave a chuckle. 

“Sadly, you have already been swept away by our dear Commander. Maker knows that he would raise hell if he found out I wished to steal you away, if that were to happen,” he said. Aaren giggled at him and waved a hand to make him go on. Spock, then, mewed and brushed up against his leg. Masamune’s head came up from his nap and his tail started to _thump_ against the book shelf he lay near. The cat gave a warning yowl and then pranced off in the opposite direction. Aaren looked away from the animals and then back at her own notes.

She would take Dorian’s advice and try to do the star gazing once more. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how much she actually looked at the sky when night time came around. How often did Cullen do that? Plus, it would be the perfect time to get him away from his notes and work. All of those points were written, and now the title of “How to Successful Date” lay before her with an empty list. She gave another sigh. What sort of clothes would she have to wear? The food? There also had to be the atmosphere, how to get Cullen away from his desk without telling him that it’s a date. Just so many things that Aaren didn’t think she’d have to think about and found herself thinking about. It was daunting.

“Don’t underestimate yourself,” Dorian said. He placed a hand on her shoulder. “You do more than you give yourself credit for.”

And with that, the mage walked back to his corner of the library. He didn’t look back, didn't even give so much as an acknowledging glance. Aaren looked down at her piece of paper and still fretted over what to do. She then looked down to Masamune.

“I guess this is a little more involved than we thought,” she murmured to the wolf. He looked up at her and wagged his tail, nothing more. Aaren returned to her paperwork and started to slowly write out a plan to get Cullen out of the office and to their secret scenery spot.

~

Aaren trotted out into the woods, a basket tied expertly to Yakul’s saddle. She was preparing for a date that she hoped Cullen would be able to come to. The last few days have been nothing but meetings with the Inquisitor and the rest of the war council. Apparently, they were arguing on how best to handle the dragons that were threatening the main road in the Emprise Du Lion. Aaren would have gone willingly but since her arm was still in pretty bad shape, she could not so much as volunteer. All she could do was wait patiently for the right moment to slip a note to the Inquisitor explaining what she wanted to do and he happily helped her out. 

Cullen would be free tonight, as a part of a recess that he deemed needed since no one could come to a proper agreement. Guised as such, she left in a hurry, which would prompt Ian to report that she had run off, again. Cullen would then come running and find that there was a surprise waiting for him. All according to the plan she had wrote out.

“Come on boys, let’s go get set up before the sun sets,” she urged the Red Hart into a smooth canter. The sun was already beginning to set, and the rays of oranges and reds spilled over the scenery. The dense foliage around her attempted to block out the rays but some patches allowed them to grace the forest’s floor. It looked as though golden rays tried to color the darkening forest or light it up with last bits of light before the inevitable blanket of night blocked the last rays. 

“Good job, boy,” Aaren said as they slowed to a walk. The clearing before them revealed the inherent beauty of nature around them, and even allowed for a clear view of the sky if you looked up. With a soft slide down, Aaren dismounted Yakul with a thump as he foot hit the ground below. The Hart was patient and waited for Aaren to get the basket down from his saddle. The beast turned and looked at her as she struggled and she looked at him.

“I’m not going to use my arm, you don’t need to give me that look,” Aaren said with a scowl. The ties were harder to undo from this height, especially when she was down a hand. But she managed enough, even as the basket fell to the ground with a loud crash. 

_God, I hope nothing broke…the cooks would kill me_ Aaren thought with a flash of worry over her face. Even so, she took up the basket and walked to the middle of the clearing and looked up. The sky was clear, save for a few very small clouds, and was not blocked by any of the trees. Aaren gave a nod to herself in approval before she set the basket down. Masamune sniffed at it and she swatted a hand at him.

“That’s human food, not food for you,” she scolded. The wolf whined but failed to convince his human pack mate to give up the food. The woman then went about preparing the scene. A blanket to set out, the basket in the middle of said blanket to keep the wind from blowing it away. The food and drink would remain in the basket since a certain wolf was interested in the food. Aaren then walked back to Yakul and placed a nervous hand on the saddlebag. Masamune trotted to her side and looked up at her. She looked down at him and gave a heavy sigh.

“No time to back out now…” Aaren murmured and then unbuckled the buckle that held the bag closed.

~

Cullen was in his office, mulling over a report from the Emprise Du Lion. The rebuilding efforts to the town had been set back due to a surprise snow storm. Most of the supplies that were on route were trapped and unable to move forward do to the fast accumulation of snow. He gave a heavy sigh. He’d have to send extra hands to help unbury the supplies once the storm passes. A knock on his door made him briefly look up.

“Come in,” he half shouted. It creaked open, and he half expected a furry mass to force its way onto his lap. But when that didn’t happen, Cullen actually looked up from his desk. In the doorway stood Ian. That surprised him. He’d not called for the man, and Aaren had settled down after their duel, yet the man still came to his office. An ill omen.

“Is everything all right, Ian?” Cullen asked. He stood up and set his letters and reports down.

“Calm, quiet, a typical night if I am to be completely honest,” Ian said normally. He then walked forward.

“Men are drinking in the taverns, most of the nobles have gone to bed, and the Inquisitor has turned in for the night,” Ian reported in full.

“I was not aware you were to do Leliana’s reports,” Cullen said with a note of suspicion. Ian gave a light chuckle.

“The Wolf Warriors have grown into an independent entity within the Inquisition,” he stated factually. “It would only be fitting to start to create and practice roles outside the normal realm of a warrior.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with protecting Aaren? Or the hope to usurp her?” Cullen asked severely. The tension in the room tightened like a string being pulled with a needled. Ian looked over at Cullen and then straightened up.

“Perhaps at first, my intentions were to usurp. But as we worked together, as I found how she lead the men and helped those around her, I found myself wanting to help her instead. Perhaps before she set foot into Samson’s supposed stronghold,” Ian said severely. His eyes locked with the Commander’s with a serious and determined look. Cullen, in turn, gave back with just an equally stern and calculating look.

“So, if there is any question about my true intentions,” Ian continued but Cullen held up a hand. His voice stopped and he watched Cullen slowly put down his hand.

“I can see what you intend to do, and you have nothing to fear from me,” Cullen said.

“Only to remember the harden glare of a silent warning,” Ian teased lightly. The silence fell in the room until Ian, again, stepped forward. 

“But I did not come for idle chatter,” he said somberly. Cullen’s face turned to the warrior with a mildly angry and worried look.

“I came here to give you a message from Aaren,” Ian continued with the same somber and slightly worrisome tone. Cullen felt his heart hammering in his chest. Did something happen to Aaren? Was she kidnapped? Did she wound herself so severely that…?

“You are to leave your desk and to come to the usual meeting place just after sunset,” Ian then said with the biggest grin on his face. Cullen clenched his fists and glared angrily at the man before him. Ian, on the other hand, started to laugh as though he had seen the best comedy this side of Thedas.

“I have half a mind to send you to the stocks,” Cullen growled out angrily. Ian wiped his eyes and continued to chuckle lightly.

“I apologize, Commander, but given the nature of your relationship,” Ian couldn’t finish his sentences because his laughter started to bubble up.

“Leave!!” he roared. The man left, still laughing, and Cullen slammed the door behind Ian. Damn him to the Void! Cullen seriously thought that Aaren might have been in danger. But relief swam in his mind to know that it was nothing more than a simple desire to meet at the usual spot. The Commander sighed heavily and hoped that his lingering worry would soon abate. He glanced out his window to see that the sun was just starting to set and then went about his office to finish up any lingering work. 

~

Aaren smoothed out the edges of her clothes with her brows furrowed in worry. The dress she wore was the same one she bought in Denerim when she dropped Maeve off, but she had not found a chance to wear it since. It fit nicely around her figure, clinging to her body as though it were a well fitted glove. The sleeves that formed her biceps, but then opened up and gracefully folded down to the ground as soon as the fabric came to her elbows. It covered her shoulders well, but then scooped down low with the briefest tease of chest. That thought made Aaren blush, as she never really felt comfortably with this much skin exposed here. But it allowed for the veredium ring to be seen hanging around her neck, as well as the leather choker that Cullen had gifted her. 

The seams were trimmed with a faint golden color thread. Hints of Fereldan styled swirls and patters dotted her shoulders and had a brilliant embroidery on the cuffs of her sleeves. Her torso was covered in that vivid green and collided with a stylish brown leather belt that hung at her hips. The extra bit of belt hung off to the side and fell down half the length of the skirt. The skirt itself fell around her legs naturally and thank God it was not one of those Orlesian dresses that looked like you needed the frame work to keep it out and open. No, it fell neatly round her, and even covered her toes, but barely. The golden embroidery followed the seams as it did with the rest of the dress, but there were slight bits of vines that came up the dress. Nothing gaudy or loud about the design but rather simplistic. 

“Well…what do you think?” Aaren asked Masamune. The wolf looked up at her and tilted his head to the side. 

_Of course, he won’t answer me_ she thought to herself. The sun began to disappear behind the mountains, now allowing for a luxurious glow to spread out behind them. Aaren looked at the wonderful colors for a moment and then turned to Yakul. On his saddle was a small enough mirror for Aaren to do her hair. She had just enough time to struggle with the curls and then braid her hair with a simple shoulder braid. Her arm protested time and again, but this was the one time that Aaren would push through since the duel. 

“There…” she said when she was satisfied with her look. She then put the mirror away and began to set about lighting the candles. It took a few tries, due to an unexpected gust of wind here and there, but she managed to get it. Once she had lit the last of the candles, she could hear the familiar thump of hooves on the ground in the woods. She turned and watched as Commander Cullen came out from the trees atop Urajak.

“Aaren, what in the world are you up to this time?” He asked. It was obvious that he did not completely see Aaren. When he did, he was visibly stunned. His jaw dropped and his eyes couldn’t seem to move from her. Aaren could feel the blush start to creep up her neck and spread across her face. No one but Cullen would ever be allowed to look at her like that, and yet she still felt rather embarrassed.

“It’s a bit much isn’t it?” Aaren asked shyly. For all her battle experience and forwardness, she could never get used to this feeling of being in a relationship.

“Na, no,” Cullen managed to get out after he struggled to find his voice. Aaren looked at him with a surprised look followed by a glimpse of happiness. It was that look that made his own heart start to stutter in his chest. As gracefully as he could manage in his own shock, he dismounted Urajak and allowed him to walk to Yakul in the distance. 

“I wanted to surprise you…and to thank you,” Aaren tried to explain. Her voice sounded nervous, and her hand went to play at her sleeve. Cullen looked back up at Aaren’s face.

“Thank me?” he asked as he stepped closer.

“Yeah,” Aaren replied with a nod. She looked down at nothing in particular, a bright crimson red appearing on her cheeks as she spoke the next few words.

“You helped me out of a bad place…” it was barely a whisper. That must have been something that was hard to admit, or perhaps Aaren was ashamed to admit. She was such a woman that hated to give into her faults or admit them when they were rather serious. Cullen only noticed that when she was injured in any capacity, or if she got angry or frustrated over trivial things. This recent bout, when she felt that she was useless to the Inquisition, it was probably the hardest thing to admit that she was stuck and needed help. But he was glad that she came around and admitted it, and it warmed his heart to hear her thank him.

“You’ve stood by my side when I was at my worst,” he said gently. Cullen was now right in front of her. He couldn’t help but raise his hand and cup her cheek affectionately. He watched as Aaren leaned into his touch for a slight moment and then look up at him with such confusion and fragility in her eyes. Whether she was aware of this or no, Cullen would never say that is how she looked. Especially when it gave way to a smile and a rush of adoration to wash away the other emotions. 

“I can do no less than to stand by yours,” he added. Then he leaned down and gave her a loving kiss. She didn’t shy from him, nor did she stiffen with surprise. In the beginning she seemed so hesitant and confused about showing affection in this way, but now she seemed to welcome it, even ask at times. Aaren was the first to pull away, the shy and bashfulness starting to creep in where it shouldn’t. Cullen merely smiled at her and waited patiently. She cleared her throat and then turned to the blanket that was set out.

“It…it has been so long since we last looked up at the stars. I…I thought that ma…maybe you could use a break…” Aaren continued. Cullen merely took a hand in his and smiled at her.

“It has been a while…not since Haven have we looked up at the stars,” he said. Aaren looked a little frustrated, perhaps with herself. But she could recover it easily, when she knew she could do what she set out to do. She looked back at him and sighed.

“I’m sorry...I’m terribly bad at this,” she admitted.

“Only when you think about it too much,” Cullen added. That prompted a scowl from Aaren and a light smack. He chuckled at her and let her guide him to sit on the blanket with her. They began to converse about the day’s events, even joked a little bit as they gazed up at the twinkling dots that covered their sky. They laughed, teased, and enjoyed themselves the entire time. When the laughter died down, Aaren gave a small sigh of relief and looked up at the stars. 

_It all went well_ she thought with a smile of satisfaction. Her eyes glanced over at Cullen and found that he was observing her more. Out of natural reaction, she looked away, embarrassed.

“Um…is there something on my face?” she asked.

“Hard to tell when you look away from me,” Cullen replied in jest. Aaren turned and scowled at him. He had a big loving smile on his face.

“Nope…nothing on your face,” he reported dutifully. Aaren snorted.

“Just this scar from the mountain falling on me,” she muttered.

“You were the one that tried to catch it,” he replied. Aaren couldn’t help but giggle. She could hear him roll onto his side and reach out a hand. It traced the scar on her face, the one that went from the middle of her forehead and down across her eye. The action made Aaren playful swat at his hand.

“How rude, touching a lady without her permission,” she mocked being offended. Cullen only chuckled at her.

“My apologies, I will do better to take care in the future,” he laughed at her. Only Aaren snatched his hand with her good one and laced her fingers. Of course, she had to roll over a bit to do so, but it didn’t stop her.

“I hope you enjoyed yourself,” she whispered lightly. Cullen nodded and moved just a little closer.

“I did…you know any moment with you is enjoyable,” he said. Aaren could never get over the embarrassing things he would say. No…not embarrassing, adoring. She was still not used to it, and maybe she would never be used to it. But even so, there was a warmth in her own heart every time he said things like that to her. She smiled.

“Good…then that means you got some proper thanks, as well as a proper date,” Aaren stated with a confident nod. Cullen got up enough and moved close enough so that they touched shoulders, their hands never unwinding from one another.

“I think one of my favorite dates,” Cullen said playfully. He could hear Aaren’s snort and he chuckled at her. It was definitely one of his favorites, a moment that he will forever cherish and hold close to his heart for all time.


	38. Nothing Ever Good Comes from Blood Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maeve is finally back from her trip to Denerim. But not in the same mind as when she left. Now Aaren must try and find a way to release her friend from the curse of Blood Magic...but at what cost?

Maeve found herself sat upon what looked to be a creature of death. The shoulders and back of this great beast looked similar to that of a horse, but the flesh after the shoulder rotted away until there was nothing left but the skull of the horse. Or whatever beast she happened to be sat upon. It walked effortlessly in the standing blood. Bodies surrounded them as they went. Terrified faces or gauntly skulls turned to face her in frozen terror. The last testaments of their final moments. 

_Why is this happening to me?_ Maeve thought to herself. Her arms had long since lost feeling and she was unable to move properly. She had struggled against her invisible restraints, but to no avail. It was a useless struggle, one that usually ended in sudden darkness only to awake in this endless nightmare once more. Maeve secretly wished that blackness would return. It was far kinder than the scene before her.

_What’s that?_ Maeve thought. The sound of a struggle started to echo in the distance. Maeve leaned forward, strained against more invisible restraints that held her to this beast. Her eyes squinted and the sound grew louder and louder. Images of two people fighting in the distance came into focus, and then cleared as though a camera lens came into focus. 

It was not just two people fighting against one another, they were fighting against a greater terror demon. Those people fight were none other than Aaren and Cullen. With all their strength, they fought against the demon, their blades only seemed to bounce off the tough skin of the terror demon. It knocked back Cullen and turned to Aaren. Aaren gave a warrior’s cry mixed with the cry of someone in anguish. 

“No don't!” Maeve shouted. Arrows then flew out of nowhere and struck Aaren in the back. Her sword hand was frozen, in the air and ready to strike down the demon. However, the surprise attack from behind halted any such attack. Maeve could only watch on in horror as she watched her friend stumble forward and gurgle with the attempt to speak.

“NO!!!” Cullen’s voice roared into the nothingness. Maeve could feel the horror and anguish and disbelief that embodied the commander. The terror demon disappeared, to where Maeve did not see. The commander rushed to his feet and caught Aaren in his arms. Aaren’s body relaxed and stilled and fell down with the Commander. He brushed the hair out of Aaren’s face, his tears starting to drip down his face in sorrow. Maeve could feel her own tears start to fall down her cheeks.

_This isn’t real…it isn’t real…_ Maeve tried to repeat in her mind over and over again. It did not stop the guilty emotions from flowing forth. It did not stop the stream of tears from bursting through her dam of resolve. 

“ _You…_ ” Cullen’s voice whispered. Maeve looked up and saw the rage that mixed with anguish blazing in the Commander’s eyes. Fear started to set in, and Maeve leaned away in fright.

“I tried to warn her not…not…” Maeve tried to explain. But her voice disappeared. She could feel her mouth move to form words but no sound came out. Desperation set in and she could only watch as the commander stood. He left Aaren to float in the ankle deep blood. His sword gripped in his hands and he stepped around his beloved’s body. Maeve could feel the vengeance take hold of the commander and feared the outcome. 

_It wasn’t me!_ Maeve wanted to scream. She looked around frantically for the culprit but saw nothing. There was only Maeve, and the commander, and a dead Aaren. 

“You were her _friend_ ,” Cullen said angrily. The disbelief in his voice also sounded. Maeve tried to talk again but no sound came forth. The beast she rode had halted and left her a sitting duck in the wake of this terrible nightmare.

“She trusted you,” Cullen added. His voice was hoarse and wavered with his own emotions. He was now close enough to strike. Maeve looked down at him in horror, in terror, and begged to the gods that be to spare her from this nightmare. Her eyes screwed shut as she saw the sword lift up to cut her down. With each passing heartbeat, Maeve waited for the pain of the sword to strike her down. She waited for the darkness that would finally take her away from this place, but no such sensation came. 

Instead, she felt a small embrace and the familiar scent of wood filled her nostrils. Maeve opened her eyes and looked up to see a familiar face.

_Blackwall_

“It’s good to see you alive, after all of that,” he said with relief etched into the lines of his face. Tears stung Maeve’s face and she buried her head against his chest in silent sobs. Her voice had not yet returned, and all she could do was silently cry. She was so scared, so afraid, and so sorry. None of this would have happened had Maeve killed the mage. Had she not stood there like a moron to watch King Alistair fight or to converse with Athelstan in some vain hope that he would surrender, none of this would be happening.

That is when Blackwall’s embrace fell from her. In shock, Maeve looked up at him and saw his color drain from him. Maeve wished for her words to come out but she could only mouth silently.

_What? What’s wrong?_ She tried to say. No words. She saw Blackwall place a hand to his chest, where Maeve’s hands had set and pulled them away. Blood covered them. Maeve looked in horror at Blackwall and then looked down at her hands. A knife was well placed in her hand and soaked in his blood.

_NO! I didn’t! I DIDN’T!!!!_

Alistair watched as Maeve struggled against her bindings. She had started to cry uncontrollably, and claim she had nothing to do with something. Whatever Maeve was seeing, it was not here in the real world. The mages at their castle did not have the slightest clue as to what sort of spell Stefan had cast. The only thing they knew for certain that it was blood magic. Alistair tore at a twig her found in his hand and tossed the bits into the adjacent fire that he sat next to. 

“It’s not your fault you know,” Erykah’s voice said lightly. King Alistair looked up at the woman. She was dressed in her familiar foreign clothes she had donned when she first met them.

“Is it not?” Alistair looked back at Maeve, who had calmed somewhat into a hazy sleep. Then his gaze went back to the flames.

“I should have been able to take them both down…without…” Alistair ground out between gritted teeth. Erykah lay a hand on his shoulder and then sat beside him.

“Mages have a longer range then us normal folk,” she said simply. There was that accent he was unfamiliar with. The only sign that she was tired from the day’s ride. 

“I think you are the last person to speak of range, _mi amor_ ,” Zevran commented and joined them by the fire.

“True, but even I am limited by the physical,” she stated simply.

“What this mage did was out of desperation, and I am the one that should feel the guilt for not killing him when I had the chance,” Alistair said softly. The guards around them were silent as ever. Even they took the name of title seriously and never spoke out of turn, which made for poor travel companions at times.

“The fault is mine, as an assassin I should have killed him without thought,” Zevran said. Alistair knew that was not something that the elf would admit to lightly. But Alistair understood where he came from. He could not count how many times he wished to hurt the men that wounded Moriah, how he wanted that bastard of a man that called her father his friend to die…he knew and understood that feeling of wanting to return the favor to those who hurt the one he loved. What Zevran felt must have been exactly the same…and Alistair could not fault him for that. But that left Maeve in a precarious state, one that they did not have the resources to figure out.

“I think it would be best if we rested…it is a long journey to the Inquisition’s headquarters,” Alistair murmured. Those were the last words spoken that night, even as the occasional scream of terror tore through their camp.

~

Aaren found herself stretching her arms as the healers had taught her. It had been a few weeks since her duel with Cullen and the healers thought it might be a good idea for her to start getting some light exercise with it. There was little improvement in her range of motion, but it was definitely more so than when she was down in the depths of despair. For today, she asked Cassandra to give her a chance at a light spar. Reluctant at first, the Seeker eventually agreed on the condition that if the Seeker saw any pain that they would stop immediately. 

“It looks like you have more movement than usual,” Cassandra commented and handed her a wooden sword. 

“A little, but it is a start. The healers expect that I might get full range of motion by the end of the year…” Aaren said. That prediction was not as soon as she would have liked, but she tried to view it from a different perspective. By all rights, the wounds she received should have killed her on the spot, and yet they did not. That is what she should be thankful for and complain about nothing. 

“Whenever you are ready,” Cassandra said. Aaren watched the Seeker move to the opposite side of the field. Aaren took a few steps to make certain she was on the training field. They then stood at the ready and remained motionless. Aaren was the one to run forward in charge. Cassandra easily deflected the attack and continued to allow Aaren to strike at her. Each time, Aaren could feel the twinge of pain start to flicker right where the arrow had hit her. Each time, it grew stronger and stronger in intensity. When she thought she might not be able to mask the pain, Aaren leapt back and waited for Cassandra to charge forward.

“If you are to strike first, then make sure it is the last thing the enemy will see,” Cassandra instructed. She stood up straight and walked over to Aaren. 

“You might have been injured, but you should not give that away,” the Seeker instructed. Aaren knew this bit. She stood at the ready, just as she had done before she spared with Cassandra. The Seeker lifted her sword arm up, just enough to show that there was a small difference in posture. Aaren had to grit her teeth as it stung. 

“You favor your shield side too much, but that is to be expected. Hopefully you will grow out of that,” Cassandra continued. Aaren nodded with each comment, that is, until Finn came running at them like the storehouse was on fire.  
“Captain! You have to come to the gates!” he shouted with urgency. Masamune even lifted his head up from his napping position. Cassandra and Aaren looked to the young man.

“What’s wrong?” Aaren asked. 

“It’s Maeve,” Finn said once he caught his breath. Maeve? Here? Aaren felt a wash of relief. The letters that she usually received from Maeve had stopped coming in part that her job was so dangerous. The other part, Leliana reported, was to make certain that the enemies that planned to attack the castle in Denerim were not given any information. No line of information was safe from those prying eyes. Aaren’s heart lifted at this news and could not wait to see her friend. However, the grave look on Finn’s face bothered her, and her smile fell.

“There’s something wrong with her…isn’t there?” Aaren asked the words she did not want to say. Finn hesitated and Aaren’s worry only grew exponentially. 

“Is she wounded?” Cassandra asked, but Aaren could not wait. The Captain ran from them with purpose and intent. Aaren had to see it with her own eyes. She had to figure out what was wrong with Maeve. Damnit! She should have stayed with Maeve to protect her! Damn her shoulder and damn her not being able to heal faster. 

There was a gathering at the front gates. People from all over Skyhold had scurried to see the new arrival. But Maeve was nothing but a spy, who valued the secrecy of that trade in order to protect her on her job. Or was it the severity to which Maeve was wounded that gathered the crowd? Either way, they needed to get out of her way right that very moment.

“Get out of my way!” Aaren barked loudly. The people nearest to her looked with annoyance but then complied. At least Aaren had her namesake to make people get out of her way. Then she ran into spears that blocked the rest of the people from getting too close. Angrily, she grabbed them and attempted to toss them away. But they were held firm by the people who used them. The Royal Guard glared down at her from within their metal helmets.

“Don't make me put you both down,” Aaren snarled at them in warning.

“Is that a threat?” one of them asked.

“No, it is a promise,” she snapped. “I will break these spears with my bare hands!”

“That’s enough, let her pass,” King Alistair’s voice broke the tension that threatened to explode right then and there. He was still riding toward them. The guards must have come in advance to make certain it was safe for him to arrive. Beside him were two people. One was the familiar Zevran, and next to him a woman. She sat on top of a spotted horse with the build of a Mustang. It was quite short in comparison to the draft like horses here in Ferelden. Behind them, Maeve…strapped into her saddle by ropes and her arms tied around her in some sort of makeshift straight jacket. Fury coursed through her as she tossed the spears out of her way when she rushed forward.

Zevran and the woman rode to the side while the King personally led the horse that Maeve sat on top. Aaren’s eyes never left Maeve’s figure. She looked listless, not together, and looked around occasionally. There was a flash of fear, and then she put her head down, chin to chest in a murmuring prayer. Aaren could only hear the faintest of apologies, a whimper or two from her friend. Pity formed and then quickly burned away to anger.

“What happened?” Aaren snapped at the king as he dismounted.

“You will watch your tone!” one of the guard threatened. Aaren was ready to fight all of them, had the energy and desire to. She waited on King Alistair, ignored to scorn from the other guards. The King looked very mournful. There was guilt, sadness, and regret. He walked to Aaren, despite the collective tension from the guard.

“Are you Captain Aaren Ruskin of the Wolf Warriors?” he asked.

“Are you the King of Ferelden?” Aaren retorted angrily. “Tell me what happened!”

Her words were bit out. Masamune stepped away from her and went up to sniff at Maeve’s boot. His tail wagged slightly, perhaps excited and happy that a friend had returned from a long adventure without him. But even he could sense there was trouble. King Alistair sighed and looked to Maeve. There was pain, but Aaren had enough hesitation.

“Damnit, Alistair! Tell me!” Aaren demanded. She cared not if she did not use his proper title. She cared not if there were a crowd of people surrounding them. None of that mattered. The one friend who came with her from the very beginning was on top of a horse and tied as though she was a raving lunatic.

“We were under siege…the leaders of the militia group had broken through to the throne room as we had planned,” King Alistair explained softly. “Their mage…he used blood magic.”

With each word Aaren could feel her own horror grow. Maeve was being controlled by blood magic, or rather effected by it. Aaren looked up to her friend and saw that she shook her head in denial, whispering incoherent things and crying. There was nothing there that could tell Aaren if Maeve was with them…or had gone insane. 

“Did you kill the bastard?” Aaren asked quietly. The King nodded at her. That didn’t help. Most spells were cancelled by the death of the individual who cast it. Aaren knew very little on this subject, and of blood magic. For now, they had to get her down, somewhere safe so that the mages could try and figure out how to free her mind from this trap.

“Maeve,” Aaren called out to her friend. There was no response. Only murmurs and whimpers like before.

“Maeve, it’s me…Aaren,” Aaren tried again. Nothing. No response. It was as if she was locked in some sort of waking dream or nightmare.

“She’s been like that since the spell was cast,” King Alistair said solemnly. There was the air of an apology. It was understood, not said. Aaren went about unfastening her from the saddle. Maeve needed to get down, to maybe talk to her face to face. Maybe then she would snap out of this stupor and return. A vain hope, but Aaren had to try something.

“Don’t you even think about it, Aaren,” the voice of reason stopped her. Aaren turned to see Ian, stopped by the guards. Aaren glared at him for a few moments before she waved him over. The King had to nod to his own guards to allowed Ian to step forward. Ian was the one to help Maeve down from the tall saddle. The woman stood on unsure feet and continued to babble incoherent nonsense. Aaren made Maeve look up at her and only watched as her eyes screwed shut.

“Don’t…Don’t hurt me…” Maeve whimpered. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”

“Maeve, Maeve!” Aaren shook her shoulders once. Her friend blinked for a moment and looked around her. There was a hope, a hope that Maeve’s troubles were over. Maeve looked at Aaren’s face and confusion clouded her eyes.

“Aaren?” Maeve asked. “You’re…you’re in Skyhold.”

“Yeah…so are you,” Aaren said with a relieved smile on her face.

“No…no…I’m in Denerim…fighting Athelstan and his rebel army,” Maeve said with a confused look.

“We defeated them, remember?” King Alistair said. Ian stood back, but his hand gripped the hilt of his sword.

“I remember…blood…so much blood…blood…everywhere,” Maeve said. Her voice wavered and she started to cry. “Don’t leave me, Aaren! Don’t let him take me back there!”

It was a desperate plea, one that Aaren did not think she would see come out of her friend. Aaren did not have time to answer, she could only watch as her friend burst into loud sobs and begged to be let go from this curse. She wailed like a child would, and Aaren could barely contain her in her own arms as she begged and begged and begged. Each wail only furthered to drive the sword of helplessness into her heart.

“We can’t have her stay here,” Ian suggested in a serious tone.

“Call for the healers…and mages…” Aaren said softly as she held Maeve tightly to her. Then her attention turned to the King.

“I hope that bastard suffered…” she said with but a whispered. There were no words to explain how she felt. But there was one thing. If that bastard did live, Aaren would make certain he would pay with more than just his life.

~

Aaren stood and listened as the greatest minds of mages were discussing the possible cause of Maeve’s madness. Many of the rebel mages could not figure out why or let allow sense the spell that held Maeve’s mind. Only a few were able to, Grand Enchanter Fionna, Robin, Madam Vivienne, Solas, and Dorian. Grand Enchanter Fionna and Robin were currently tending to Maeve as the rest of them stood in an adjacent room and discussed what they could further do.

“If the King has stated that it is blood magic that holds her mind, then we are dealing with the possibility that this mage made a deal with a demon, and a demon that can continue to plague her mind,” Madam Vivienne stated with the same smug air of authority she always had. Aaren hated talking to the woman, it felt as though she was speaking to one of the nobles from Orlais but while juggling pit vipers. 

“I find it hard to believe that any demon would continue to attack her mind, especially when its own host was killed in such a sort time,” Solas stated. Vivienne gave a disapproving frown.

“True, a demon wishes to find a foot hold here in the living, but if they cannot ensure their own survival they are liable to give up,” Solas continued to explain.

“And those with more intelligence?” Aaren asked with a weary tone.

“Often times they would have planned for some time. Stefan would have already had to have dealt with the demon in the past to potentially ask it for the chance to steal the mind of a non-mage,” the elf explained.

“Considering this mage was not a part of any Circle I am familiar with,” Vivienne pointed out.

“How traditional of you,” Solas said with some sort of venom in his words. Dorian had nothing to comment, and Aaren looked over to him. They locked eyes for the briefest of moments and he gave a small sigh.

“Sadly, this mage is from Ferelden. The differences in how they weave their spells as compared to my countryman…well…as different as night and day,” the Tevinter mage said solemnly.

“Could you can unravel it like you figured out the spell to get us back to the present?” Aaren asked. She could care less about the two mages that bickered about the status of mages and magic. Dorian gave a half shrug, did not so much as even move from his current position against the wall.

“If we had eternity? Alexius made that amulet and I helped develop the magic behind it. Two things we do not have in this case,” Dorian pointed out. Aaren sighed heavily. They were no further than when they started.

“I would suggest we look at the possibility that we would need more blood magic,” Solas stated.

“Out of the question,” Vivienne snipped. Aaren glared at her and then looked to Solas.

“Would that not just exacerbate the issue? What good comes from dealing with demons? It’s not a good idea where we come from and can have severe consequences, from what I can tell here, it’s nearly the same…except the consequences are ten times worse,” Aaren said. Her exhaustion was showing. It was hard to keep up with the debates between the three people.

“Blood Magic does not necessarily mean to deal with a demon,” Solas explained.

“Is there any other kind of blood magic? What would an apostate know?” Vivienne started.

“Shut up, Vivienne!” Aaren snapped angrily.

“And you are cruel just to entertain the notion,” Vivienne added.

“Didn’t I just say shut up? Jesus Christ, it’s like trying to talk to a small child,” Aaren murmured as she rubbed her face. “I’m learning, understanding, then making a decision. If there is something that Solas knows I would very much like to hear it. If there is something that Dorian knows, I would like to hear it. And if there is something useful that you know, _I would like to hear it._ ”

Everyone in the room, now, had that understanding. Aaren was not going to make a decision right away, not when they have not figured out a plan of attack. She was not impulsive, she was calculating and as soon as she came to a decision, ruthless. She was still in the learning stage, looking at all options. The good, and the bad.

“Please continue, Solas,” Aaren then said.

“Blood Magic can deal with demons but has more to deal with the power of life from the individual,” Solas said.

“And you know this?” Vivienne asked.

“If you are asking if I have actually tried, then you will be relieved to hear that I have not,” Solas damn near snapped at the female mage. “But the question is, did this Stefan make a deal with a demon, or did he not.”

“Can there be some serious complications if someone where to try blood magic in the way that you described?” Aaren asked.

“You aren’t seriously considering this?” Vivienne almost sounded like she was disgusted with the very people in that room.

“Can’t say I’m not thrilled with the idea, but given the choice,” Dorian piped up.

“Of course, you would jump at the idea,” Vivienne said.

“Why? Because he’s from Tevinter?” Aaren asked with a light snarl. “Last time Vivienne. Shut. Up.”

Aaren and Vivienne glared at each other and Vivienne stepped forward.

“I feel as though you lack the proper education in magic to truly make a proper decision,” she said. Aaren’s jaw clenched tightly. This mage would never speak this way to the Inquisitor, but then again, the Inquisitor would listen to Vivienne whenever she spoke. It was always so polite and proper…just to her liking. But Aaren…she openly challenged what Vivienne thought was right or appropriate. That mask of politeness fell away.

“Why? Because I’m not a mage? Because I am not from Thedas? That’s why I am asking questions and not givin’ into centuries old fear and ignorance,” Aaren snapped. Her own rope of patience was burning up. Being up for so long, trying to take care of Maeve, struggling through an episode one right after another, and then roll into another day without sleep. Aaren prayed she would never have to stay up like this again. She gave a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose.

_Calm down…getting heated isn’t going to help_ Aaren thought to herself.

“Yes, amoung other things,” Vivienne just had to open her mouth. Aaren slowly looked up. 

“Was I mute when I said ‘that’s why I am asking questions and not givin’ into centuries old fear and ignorance?’” Aaren asked out loud then turned sharply to Vivienne. “You know, for someone who wants to support education for every mage and perhaps the public, you certainly are condoning someone who is looking for answers.”

Aaren stood up straight from her place that she had leaned up casually on the wall and walked toward Vivienne.

“All we are doing is debating and thinking about how best to go about this. What has happened to Maeve and how to possibly lift this curse placed upon her. Nothing is being decided. No one is doing any blood magic currently. So, if you could please, take your head out of your own asshole. It’s not a hat, and it isnt proper to wear it as such,” Aaren coolly and calmly insulted Vivienne. There was a small snicker from Dorian and a slightly dumb struck Solas. Vivienne was absolutely livid. With that she left the room without another word. Aaren breathed a sigh of relief and sagged her shoulders. 

“Solas…” she said with the hugest hints of exhaustion.

“To answer your previous question. Yes. Should she be effected by a demon, then the person who performs the blood magic without that aid of a spirit or demon is likely to be possessed,” the elven mage explained.

“Having an abomination run amok could potentially make things worse,” Dorian added. Aaren nodded tiredly. 

“I can try and ask the spirits for more information,” Solas offered. Aaren nodded once more and placed a hand on her hip and the other ran through her hair. 

“I’ll see what I can find out in the older tomes. There is a chance that Tevinter might have found away around such curses,” Dorian added. Aaren said nothing, just sighed heavily. Dorian placed a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re doing your best,” Dorian said. Aaren looked over her shoulder at him and nodded once. Solas remained silent, as did Dorian, once Aaren started to walk away from them. She walked down the stairs, walked through Solas’ room, and then out to the ramparts. The day was starting to turn into night and her feet felt heavy as they walked right up to the Commander’s office door. She knocked once, and then pushed the door open with a weak hand. She watched as the Commander smiled at her and greeted her but then his smiled faded and his face turned to worry.

“Aaren?” Cullen asked. Aaren merely walked silently and embraced him. This was the second time she felt completely and utterly helpless. There was nothing more that she could do for Maeve, not with the current information that she had. Cullen seemed hesitant, but then his arms wrapped around her and held her close to him. They tightened when he felt the first shuddering shake of Aaren’s body. She was crying.

“It’s okay Aaren…it’s okay,” he said softly. A hand rubbed her back to soothe her. If this was all she wanted for comfort, Cullen was happy to give it. Aaren rarely acted like this, and he had specifically said to come to him for support in times such as these. He held her close and would continue to do so until she did not wish to.

~

Days since Maeve’s return and her condition had not improved. Robin and the Grand Enchanter Fionna had figured out a sleeping draft that they would give her only when she turned uncontrollable. Other than that, there were times when Aaren was able to pull her from that hellish landscape for brief moments at a time. The longest time was about five minutes but on average they were a few minutes at a time. When those times happened. Aaren tried to get as much information as she could. Any mention of the world blood, from either Aaren or Maeve, and she was sucked right back into the curse. There was nothing else to go on other than what King Alistair has explained. As of right now, Aaren worked with Dorian to try and gain any more information.

“Did you find anything yet?” she asked Dorian. There was a slight tone of irritability that Dorian ignored. She had just come out of yet another episode with Maeve. One where Maeve had given her a great big bruise on the side of her face. Aaren did not feel that the restraints were needed when she was confined to her own room. The result, though, was that some of the more violent episodes usually landed with someone getting hit accidentally. In short, Aaren was not in the best of moods.

“Not yet. I feel that we may find our answer soon, though it is still too early to tell,” Dorian said lightly. It was an attempt to lighten the mood or at least keep it that way but Aaren gave him a rather dark glower. That only made the mage sigh dramatically as he watched the poor girl go back to the books.

“You’ve stared at that page for over five minutes,” he pointed out.

“I just want to be sure that I am reading it right,” Aaren said with a little more than a childish pout. Dorian turned to her in full.

“Given any more thought as to the blood magic angle?” Aaren’s eyes went from the book she was trying to read and slowly met his gaze. There was a worried look on her face.

“No, why?” she asked with a note of suspicion.

“It was just question, no need for you to start to question my motives,” Dorian teased her lightly. But Aaren was set to alert. She placed her book down on the table and gave Dorian her full attention.

“You’re not asking because your curious to see how blood magic works…are you?” she asked him.

“I don’t appreciate what your insinuating. Though given the circumstances and my place of origin I can hardly blame you for jumping to that conclusion,” he said. Dorian might be one to hide behind masks and masks of jests and sarcasm, and sadly, that is the reason why Aaren took this so seriously. Just having him talk about it made it seem like he was curious in it, and yet in other conversations he openly said he disliked the idea. Which was truth and which was a lie?

“Dorian, it’s dangerous to even talk about this with you,” Aaren said out of concern.

“Because I am a _Vint_?” Dorian then said bluntly. Aaren sighed heavily. That was the slur that the Iron Bull and even Blackwall used on occasion. Aaren never cared for it. But in this case, they were going up against thousands of years of slander and bad people from Tevinter making the good people look terrible. Aaren could protect Dorian from a few people at a time, but an entire world? Even Aaren had to take that into account.

“Because the assumption of every person of Tevinter, especially those that are mages, are assumed to have dealt with blood magic regardless of the truth,” Aaren said bitterly. Dorian looked at her. He could see the hurt in his eyes and the sorrow that came after that. Aaren came to understand that Dorian really wished that he could show the good of his homeland. Sadly, trying to change the opinion of the masses when they were currently fighting one of the men responsible for the Blights was a near impossible task. 

“True, but our friend’s life is at stake,” Dorian said seriously. Aaren sighed heavily and ran both of her hands through her disheveled hair. No matter how many times Aaren played this out in her head, there were no good outcomes. Solas had yet to truly determine if there was a demon involved or not. Maeve’s dreams were brought about by the curse and thus Solas could not enter them through normal means. The Inquisitor said that if they wanted to force their way in, it would take a grave amount of Lyrium and magic to do so. Sadly, Aaren and the Inquisitor felt that the supply of Lyrium they currently had to offer was not enough for them to even try safely. 

“I know that, Dorian,” Aaren groaned out after a small time to collect her fraying thoughts. “But we have yet to exhaust the rest of the accepted avenues.”

“Both you and I know that we are running out of time,” Dorian pressed. Aaren glared up at him.

“I know that!” she repeated. Her own frustration was starting to bubble forward. As of late, she had begun to develop a short fuse. The lack of sleep, the frequent visits to Maeve to check on her condition, the research, and her own personal nightmares on top of it…her own mind felt as though it was being pushed to capacity and beyond. 

“There has to be something we haven’t tried yet, haven’t found that would point us in the right path,” Aaren then added and tried to go back to the book she was looking through. The words just mixed up before her, and her concentration disappeared. There was no way she could possibly find the answers, let alone read what was in front of her. 

“And how much longer before Maeve breaks?” Dorian then asked in a severe tone. “Magic like this is highly unpredictable. We have no means to figure out how he cast it other than the word of the King. This could easily destroy Maeve’s mind if we leave it unchecked.”

Aaren slammed her fists down on the table. The people in the library fell silent and turned their heads in her direction. Many of them did not wish to see what would happen if an argument broke out. Others were more annoyed about the sudden loud noise.

“You think I haven’t thought of that?” Aaren snapped at Dorian. Her patience was running thinner and thinner.

“I think you are not acting fast enough on this situation!” Dorian replied in an equally snappish tone. Aaren felt her fury building to the point of explosion.

“How…dare…you,” she managed to get out in some semblance of a normal voice. 

“I will applaud that you have tried your best to understand magic, but it simply isn’t enough. And we do not have the time to adequately teach you,” Dorian said severely. Aaren scoffed.

“You were the last person I would think who would side with Vivienne,” she stabbed at angrily. “Excuse me for not being born a mage!”

“I’m not agreeing with her, I am simply stating that the time for educating yourself is not available!” Dorian defended angrily. Aaren laughed at him. At him. She didn’t believe a word he said.

“And rushing things is not going to help anyone! If anything, it will hurt more people or not work at all!” Aaren snapped. She stood up from her seat and slammed the book she was reading shut.

“Inaction will kill her just as easily,” Dorian snapped angrily. Aaren turned to face Dorian in full.

“You don’t know that!” Aaren snapped. She pointed an aggressive finger at him and then threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.

“That is the biggest problem! We know nothing! None of us were there! And the King, a former Templar, could only tell us that it was Blood Magic! That’s all we have!” Aaren shouted angrily at Dorian. He opened his mouth to say something but Aaren was not finished.

“And anything that has to deal with or even remotely suggest Blood Magic has been completely destroyed by your Chantry! Any chance we had at potentially lifting this curse safely or come to understand the cause and effect of such magic was deemed too dangerous to teach! And what did you people do?! Out of fear you destroyed it and allowed the wide gaping defenseless hole continue to grow bigger and bigger! We have _nothing_! No remedy or defense against something of this magnitude because people saw things like this! But did they care to figure out how to cure it? How to defend against it? Yeah, sure they did. But all the damned Templars and mages like Vivienne destroyed any and all chances for that!” Aaren shouted angrily. Dorian was nearly speechless. If not a little angry that now Aaren was throwing him in that same lot. The rest of the patrons that were in the library were silent and observing the spectacle before them. 

“And now you want me to go in there, make a decision for Maeve based off of no knowledge of how to handle this safely! Do you know how idiotic that is?!” Aaren turned back to Dorian. “That’s like running to a room full of enemies blindfolded and with your hands tied!”

“Damnit Aaren, then what do you suggest we do in the mean time?” Dorian demanded from her. “Time is of the essence. This curse is like poison, draining Maeve’s strength with each breath! And you suggest we continue to stick our nose in a book until we find some sort of answer?!”

“Being rash will kill her just as fast!” Aaren shouted back. Her fists balled up and shook with the anger she tried to keep in check. She needed to get away, to walk away from this. Both of them had lost their cool, but her rational brain seemed to be held hostage by the irrational side.

“You’re one to speak of being rash! You’ve got your arm to remind you of that!” Dorian stabbed. Aaren felt that insult, right down to her very being. She got quiet for a moment, and then her fury came back in tenfold.

“Fine! Go ahead! Go play with blood magic as you so desire to! You are after all a _Vint_!” Aaren shouted in retaliation. “Just don’t go starting another Blight!”

That was the last thing she said. She knew it was hurtful. She knew exactly where to stab her dagger just as Dorian knew where to place his. It didn’t make it hurt any less. It didn’t make her anger go away. All it succeeded in doing was making her absolutely upset to the point where tears blinded her every step. She walked until she knew she was in the quietest corner of Skyhold. Away from the prying eyes of the public. She then sat down and cried. Utterly, and completely broke down. Masamune sat beside her, but even he could not soothe the anger and frustration his pack mate felt. Aaren continued to cry until her tears dried up. Even when that was done, she sat there, against the cold stone.

Damnit… she thought to herself and then looked up to the sky. Give me strength…and maybe an answer to free my friend.


	39. When Dreams Fall to Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Maeve back, the battle to try and find a cure to the curse, Aaren has her hands full. What is more is that her dreams are now reoccurring, with a completely different feeling than before. Why?

Aaren could feel herself falling asleep. Her eye lids felt heavy and her chin rested on her chest as she sat in the chair beside Maeve’s bed. Maeve seemed to calm down every now and again enough for a conversation, but she was given a slight dose of the sleeping draught Robin had prepared for her. A few hours ago, she was raving and screaming that she hadn’t murdered Dorian or Spock and tried to run out of her locked room. Aaren took it upon herself to sit beside the sleeping woman and make sure she didn’t fly into another episode. Doing so required that she stay awake…but that was hard to do when Aaren herself could not get a decent amount of sleep.

_Just a little bit…_ Aaren thought sleepily to herself. Her eye’s closed for what seemed like moments.

“You look tired…” Maeve’s voice said softly. Aaren’s eyes snapped open and she looked up. Maeve had sat herself up in her bed and looked over at Aaren with a concerned look. Her hair was all messed up in a bed head style that made Aaren smile a little.

“I am…just a little though,” Aaren said. She then stretched out her good arm and half her bad. The previous day was very intense with Thedas’ version of physical therapy. A lot of it was her lifting her arm just a little bit past the point of discomfort or strength training with swords and such.

“Ha…you must be _really_ tired if you said “just a little”,” Maeve said with a joke. She then brushed her hear out of her face, even thought to finger comb it once or twice. Aaren watched her carefully. She didn’t want to trigger the curse in any way and just give Maeve a moments peace of sanity. 

“Aaren…am I going insane?” Maeve then asked. She didn’t look at Aaren and turned away. Aaren could see that she shook like a leaf with the terror. Aaren looked down at the ground and thought hard about what to say. No one knew for certain what was going to happen to Maeve. The mere fact that this curse seemed to waver in moments such as these was an anomaly. Curses and magic were constant, only another spell could interrupt them.

“Maeve…” Aaren said softly. “You’re not going to go insane…not if I have anything to say about it.”

Maeve looked to her friend just for a small bit of comfort. Aaren could see the struggle to keep to this world instead of falling back into that dark place. Aaren nodded, their time slowly drawing to a close.

“We are working on it Maeve. We’ll get you out of there. Just hang on just a little longer,” Aaren said with all the determination she had. She made sure no weariness showed, that the strength and will of all the people here in Skyhold would somehow be conveyed. Maeve nodded and then Aaren watched as her eyes glazed over. Aaren’s face fell from determined to disappointed and worried. A sigh escaped passed her lips and she then turned to leave the room. The door closed behind her with a soft click and she sighed heavily once more.

“Oh, Aaren…” Blackwall’s voice came from her right. Aaren turned to see the Grey Warden standing there.

“Hey, Blackwall,” Aaren said tiredly. 

“She wake up?” he asked. Aaren nodded slowly.

“She was aware for a little while…I wanted to give her some encouragement and let her know we are all fighting for her…hopefully that will give us more time,” Aaren informed. She brushed her own messy hair out of her face and behind her ear. Blackwall gave a nod.

“You’ll find something…the Inquisitor is also looking for answers too. We’ll get her out of this,” Blackwall said. Aaren nodded but did not look at Blackwall. She knew as well as anyone how much Blackwall was hurting. He had not left Maeve’s side, not since he returned from the Emerald Graves and Maeve came back in such a state. He had stuck to his woodcarving hobby as he kept watch over her. Honestly, Aaren couldn’t blame him. She patted him on the shoulder and then decided that she would turn in for the night and hoped that tomorrow would bring the answers that today did not.

~

The same corridor, the same torch light. Aaren opened her eyes to see that there was little in the way of change to this place. Annoyance appeared on her face in the form of a slight scowl.

 _This… again_ she thought to herself. She hurried down the hallway and followed the lit torches until she came to the same door. She pushed at it and found that it was locked. Aaren’s scowl now turned into a frown. All her other dreams leading up to this one had been constant. The same _Find Me_ litany played out at the end in minor annoyance. Now this locked door deviated from the norm and that never spelled out good things. 

_Why have you not sought me out?_ The voice asked. It sounded amused, with a hint of annoyance. Aaren’s scowl returned.

“Maybe because I already have my hands full,” Aaren retorted. The whoosh of another flame that lit a torch echoed down the hall. Aaren turned down to face that way. Fine, if this thing, whatever it was, wanted her to play this game, she would be willing to…granted this thing knew exactly who it was messing with. A chuckle tickled the fore of Aaren’s mind and it nearly stopped her in her tracks.

_I know exactly who I am “messing” with_ the voice said lightly. Aaren found herself in front of another door. She stopped in front of it, contemplated whether or not to open in, only to have it open for her. There was an eerie creak that echoed in the hallway. A strong breeze flew past her, and a bright light blinded her. She held up a hand to block the light and waited for her eyes to adjust. When they did, she saw an open courtyard with unkept hedges and flowerbed dulled with a brown. A fountain at the middle with no water flowing forth. The surrounding highwalls and looming towers felt strangely familiar to her.

“You luring me into a trap?” Aaren asked out loud. Her own voice bounced off of the stone that surrounded her and then lost itself into the melancholy of this place. 

_Should I be a demon_ the voice asked. Aaren stiffened. Should this be a demon in her mind, then she would become a mage. And if that were to happen…her entire world would be turned upside down. Aaren didn’t want to think about that, especially when she was still trying to figure out what was going on with Maeve.

_Don’t worry. I’m not a demon_ the voice said gently. Aaren scoffed at that. What demon would out right say they were a demon? There was a soft sigh that seemed to breath itself on the back of Aaren’s neck.

_You are familiar with my story, but I doubt you will remember it without the symbol_ the voice said in slight annoyance.

“So far you have done nothing except make me walk through a decaying castle,” Aaren muttered in equal annoyance. There was then a roar that echoed in the courtyard. It sounded nearly to the battle cry of a high dragon if you neared its territory. Aaren did not want to have to fight a dragon without a sword and shield. Here, in her dream but not a dream, she was defenseless.

_Run!_ The voice commanded. Aaren did just that. She ran back to the door she came from but it slammed shut before she could get through. Her hand tugged at the handle but it would not budge. The roar came again, louder this time. Aaren looked up to try and find it but did not see anything.

_This way! Hurry!_ The voice shouted. Aaren looked around to see another door open, on the opposite side of the courtyard. Her head rolled a little in exasperation. Of course it would be on the opposite end of where she wanted to be. Aaren made a mad dash and could hear the ear splitting echo of another roar. There was another whoosh sound, and then followed by the hot flame of fire.

~

“Ha!...Hah…hah…” Aaren snapped her eyes open to see the ceiling of her sleeping chambers. She lifted her body into a sitting position and continued to pant heavily. That dream was intense. More intense than the last one. Aaren checked her arms to see that they were in perfect condition. No burns, no injuries. A light whine to her left let her know Masamune was there and worried.

“I’m alright,” Aaren murmured and gently placed a hand on top of the wolf’s head. The burning sensation felt real. Her heart was still racing at the thought. In her world…it is said that if you perish in your dreams that you yourself also perish…If she had died there…burned to a crisp in a blaze of dragon fire…Aaren shivered at that thought. Masamune whimpered again and snuggled forward into Aaren’s hip. His pack mate looked at him and he wagged his tail happily. Though, her face still white with the terror that haunted her dreams. 

“I think I’m okay,” Aaren corrected for the wolf. She could feel her own body shaking with the fear from that dream. She willed herself to lay back down and try to close her eyes. But sleep did not return to her. The terror from that last dream was enough to keep her awake until the light of the morning started to peak into her windows. That was when she looked over at the window with a gloomy expression.

_Well…time to get up_ Aaren thought to herself. She crawled out from her covers and sluggishly got her clothes on. Her arm protested as she tried to warm it up with some easy stretches. Masamune hopped down from the bed and walked toward the door. 

“I know, I know,” Aaren grumbled sleepily. She opened the door and let the poor wolf go out the door and rush outside. With her mind still foggy from lack of sleep and the horrible memory of a nightmare, Aaren walked slowly behind the wolf. They enjoyed the semi quiet morning of Skyhold as it stirred from the night’s slumber. The birds were chirping ever so softly, some of the early morning workers were bustling around the place as usual, and the guards were getting ready to rotate their shifts. Aaren and Masamune took a small short cut to get to a small grove just on the other side of the big walls of Skyhold. It was a small quiet place that Aaren had not felt the need to report. It was also a great place to hide away from people when she had had enough of those around her. Masamune certainly loved to run around and use it as his personal bathroom from time to time. Once he had relieved himself, Masamune trotted back with his tail wagging behind him.

“Can we go back to the training yard for some light practice?” Aaren asked the wolf. She didn’t wait for a mocked reply. With a turn, they were walking back to the training yard. Many of the soldiers had already gotten themselves up and started to do their warm up before they started on some serious drills. Aaren would wait for Cassandra to come by, so she helped instruct others instead. There were a few times when she would give a yawn or two while she spoke.

“Rough night?” Ian’s voice came out of nowhere. It made Aaren jump just a few inches. Ian gave her a chuckle in response.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said. Aaren scowled at him.

“You know it is because you’re too nice,” Ian resorted to teasing but it only made Aaren go quiet. She gave him a small look and debated on how she could tell him about this dream. If she said anything, they would immediately take her to the mages, and that wasn’t something that Aaren was ready to do just yet. Yes, these dreams were starting to increase with complexity but it had not necessarily reached that point of severity.

“Sure…” Aaren nodded after a brief moment of hesitation. 

“See, this is why you can’t win at Wicked Grace,” Ian continued to tease her.

“If I recall, I whipped you all in a round,” Aaren retorted naturally. Ian sighed heavily.

“I think I’ve known you long enough to know when something is bothering you,” he then said. Aaren fell silent again. She watched some of the recruits go through some of the reps before she too sighed heavily. 

“You aren’t completely wrong about my gentle nature,” Aaren then said.

“But?” Ian continued to press. Aaren glared at him.

“Must there be a but?” she asked. Ian gave a small shrug of his shoulders.

“Depends, you have a tendency to withhold information about things that are upsetting you,” he replied simply. Aaren sighed again. He wasn’t wrong on that account either. But there was no way that Aaren could explain this dream without raising suspicion.

“That may be true, but some things I would like to figure out before I say anything about it,” she tried to brush him off once again.

“If you even tell us,” Ian said with a little tone of annoyance. There was no winning. Ian was not going to let this go, especially now that he knew that Aaren was evading the question. Aaren tried to relax the tension that now gripped her shoulders.

“It was a nightmare,” Aaren half told. She thought it would be best to be as vague as possible. At least it would satisfy Ian’s damned curiousity.

“I think we could all tell that from your lack of focus and the occasional yawn,” Ian pointed out lightly. Aaren glared at him lightly before her face fell.

“It was vivid…as though I might have died in it,” Aaren continued to be vague. She could almost feel the annoyance from Ian. She wished she could tell him, would have loved to have spoken about this if it her own fear about the consequences of such a dream…especially if she mentioned that it was a reoccurring dream with increasing intelligence. 

“And that is different than you going out into battle?” Ian asked. There was light annoyance but also a bit of concern. Aaren nodded once.

“This one…I was just walking around Skyhold…then I get outside and then a dragon appeared…I had no sword, no armour…and the door behind me closed shut. I ran, and ran, but I could not get to the door fast enough. I felt the fires from the dragon engulf me, burning everything, and then I woke up,” Aaren explained softly. That is as close as she dared to go with explaining. It seemed to satisfy Ian, as he had fallen silent and that air of annoyance was replaced but one of worry. Perhaps it was the real note of fear that caught the second in command by surprise.

“That’s…one hell of a dream,” Ian murmured quietly. Aaren nodded, again, and looked down at the ground. The small rocks were far more interesting than the current conversation that she was having.

“And you couldn’t fall back asleep I take it?” Ian then asked. Aaren gave him a dry look. Ian nodded and looked out to the people training in the yard. There was another silence, except for the occasion shift of the feet. Masamune came up to sit beside Aaren’s feet. That small point of contact made Aaren feel a lot better, if not a little more confident.

“Why don’t you try and get some sleep. The sun won’t touch this part of the grounds for another two hours,” Ian suggested as he adjusted the belt that held his sword.

“Here? Won’t the others rag me for sleeping _on the job_?” Aaren asked with a liberal amount of sarcasm.

“Most of them know you are still healing, and after an increase in intensity in your exercises, no one would blame you,” Ian explained. “But I will make certain no one bothers you.”

Ian left little room to argue. He walked away before Aaren could protest and she was forced to only scowl. This was what she hated, and yet also appreciated. She felt that it was weakness for not being able to get the proper rest, but at the same time, she was relieved to know that her men had her back. It was a storm of conflicting emotions in her head, even as she sat down against the wall.

“I think you’ll appreciate another nap,” Aaren said to Masamune, who had settled his head on her lap. The wolf wagged his tail even as she ran fingers through his fur. She let out another sigh and closed her eyes. Even with the possible fear that her dream would come back, her body wished for more rest. Her eye lids were heavy and fell easily as sleep quickly washed over her. The sound of the people training, all drowned out by the darkness that over took her.

~

A loud roar jolted Aaren from her current nap. But she was not in Skyhold, she was back at the damned castle from the dream. Her body was slumped against the door that she thought she didn’t make it to, her back pressed up against it. Did she faint in this dream after getting passed the flames and the door?

 _Not in the sense of consciousness, no_ the voice answered simply. Annoyance and frustration lit up like fire on gasoline.

“Are you kidding me? Leave me the hell alone!” Aaren snapped angrily. There was a flash of apologetic emotion. Remorse? It did little to quell Aaren’s irritation.

“What in the hell do you want from me?!” Aaren demanded. Her voice echoed down the dark corridor and that was her only answer. Aaren sat back with a frustrated sigh and brushed her hair out of her face. Sitting around, waiting for a disembodied voice to answer her was not going to help. She had to take action when no one else would. Slowly, carefully, she stood up. Another roar echoed loudly behind the door and Aaren gave it a worrying glance. The stone beneath her feet rumbled as the dragon stepped close to said door. It was almost as if the creature was waiting for her to poke her head out of the door.

 _It is more intelligent than I thought_ Aaren thought. No way in hell was she going to open that door. Instead, she followed the dark hall with a hand on the adjacent stone. No torches lit up magically to light her way, no voice in her head to tease her and taught her and demand that she find whatever it was. Just complete and utter silence. It was unsettling. Her hand passed over what felt like wood. Her feet stopped in their tracks so she could figure out if this was a door, or something else. Both hands passed over the wood and found where it began and ended. She then felt bits of metal like frame work to hold the door together, but where was the handle? 

“There!” Aaren murmured to herself once she felt the ring of heavy iron. She first tugged on it, and when that didn’t work, she pressed up against it. It was just as heavy as it felt. It took all of her weight and strength just to push the damn thing open. Once she got it open, she instantly regretted it. There were red eyes that looked toward her as soon as she opened the door. Primal fear sank in the bottom of her stomach as she froze in place.

 _RUN!_ The voice commanded her. Aaren did not think twice this time. She turned tail and ran as fast as she could. An eerie shriek echoed down the halls and left her ears ringing. Boots slammed against the stone floor as she ran for her life. Those echoing sounds were drowned out by the sound of clinking and clattering of bones against bones. The skeletons of a past dream rushed at her while the shriek of said mummy tried to halt her in her tracks. Aaren saw the light of a dim torch and ran for it. She passed under an archway and felt the sudden whoosh of air as a door slammed with a resounding boom. A dull thunk of wood against iron soon followed after as it was barred closed. Aaren hand her hands on her knees as she panted heavily. Sudden knocks and bangs on the door followed by shrieks of displeasure were muffled behind the thick wood. 

_You must find me Aaren, time is running out_ the voice was barely a whisper in her mind.

“Find who?!...Exactly?!” she snapped angrily. But her question would go unanswered. A sense of dread and danger made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Slowly, cautiously, Aaren turned around to see an even more grotesque beast before her. It was a giant shield, with what looked like tentacles come out from underneath it. They wagged and writhed underneath. Beneath that, two ghastly thin humanoid hands crossed underneath it as though it slept like Masamune in the sun. The hands had shortened middle and ring fingers as though they were cut off from birth. Aaren felt every need to be quiet fill her entire being. If she even breathed a word, it felt as though this beast would kill her instantly. Dread sank in as she watched in horror as the beast stirred.

Its head rose up, and it stood up on what looked like shorter legs. The stance was very ape like. But it was the malice and hatred that Aaren could feel from this creature. The shield faced her in full and she watched in frozen terror as several of the tentacles that hung from beneath it struck out to her throat. 

Aaren’s eyes flew open after that, followed by a terrified cry. Everyone in the training yard fell silent and turned to Aaren. She didn’t care. They knew nothing of the vision she just saw. They couldn’t possibly comprehend feeling that helpless feeling that prey fell as they are staring down the glare of the predator. That shock of disbelief as you look at something that your mind cannot comprehend is truly real. That same shock that freezes you in place even as the world around you continues on. 

Ian was slow in his approach. Aaren was seized in a moment of sheer terror that he did not want to frighten her further. She panted heavily, a sheen of cold sweat on her forehead and a look of disbelief upon her face. Ian slowly crouched down next to her and tried to get in her line of sight. She didn’t look at him. She looked passed him.

“Captain?” Ian tried. There was no response. Whatever Aaren dreamed, it scared her so far out of her wits that it was possible she was still stuck in her dream. With a little worry that Maeve’s own curse might be contagious, Ian gripped her shoulder and gave a firm shake.

“Aaren?” he said a little louder. Aaren blinked a few times and looked at him. There was confusion at first, but then the fear returned and she looked away from him. She closed her eyes and brought her head to hands as she tried to calm herself down. Her breath was shaky at best. Ian watched in silence as Aaren caught her breath.

“Aaren maybe you should speak to someone about it,” Ian suggested. Aaren shook her head. What was there to talk about? She was just having nightmares. The lack of sleep, her over focus to help Maeve, coupled with not eating properly and resting properly had resulted in this. Aaren had to believe that, or else she surely would start to think that she was going insane. 

“Go talk to someone about it,” he said firmly. Aaren noted that there was a small tone of worry. That was enough to make her look back at him. Ian could see the fright of a young woman that had no idea what had just happened. He had seen it time and time again when they helped liberate villages from terrible situations. Aaren, then, was the one who looked strong and exuded a certainty that things would be okay. She did so when she researched for a cure for Maeve’s current condition, and she did so when she had instructed the recruits. It was damn near terrifying to see her so shook up from a dream.

“Talk to Solas. He’s the only true expert on dreams. Maybe he can help,” Ian then suggested. Aaren’s heart dropped. Solas would be able to see through her lies faster than Ian would. And, he would not believe her story about this being a simple dream as well. He was the last person to turn to in this situation. But…at the same time…these dreams were starting to get worse. And somewhere, in the back of her mind, she had a feeling that this was just the beginning of them. If she was going to help Maeve, support her and cure her, Aaren need to have every facility she had about her in top condition. These dreams would only prevent that. 

“…fine…” Aaren said softly. Ian nodded once and stood up. He then extended hand to help her up. A few of the other Wolf Warriors started to come forward but Ian gave them a stern look and a shake of his head. Aaren did not need people to press in on her and suffocate her with inquires as to what happened. She needed to get her head back on her shoulders and a grip on what was going on before explaining what happened. Even Ian could see that this had shaken her resolve more so than even before her duel with the Commander. So her took it upon himself to at least escort her up to Solas’ rotunda. Masamune was quick to follow them up the stairs and growl at anyone that wanted to talk to Aaren. Aaren didn’t so much as correct his behavior she was so much in a stupor. They stopped at the door and Aaren looked over to Ian.

“I think I can manage from here,” she said to him. There was a little life back in her voice, but it sounded exhausted. Ian gave a soft smile to her.

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t go running off by yourself,” Ian teased lightly. Aaren gave him a halfhearted scowl. 

“I’m a grown woman, I think I can take care of myself,” she teased back. Ian could feel the forced nature of it but he would have to admit. If she was not in a jesting mood, she wouldn’t even begin to try and give a retort back in retaliation. At least she made a small attempt, however empty it was. He left her in front of the door and she looked down at Masamune.

“Be nice, okay?” Aaren asked him. It was a plea, to at least be civil while she talked with the elf about her dreams. She took a deep breath and opened the door that lead into the rotunda. Aaren saw that Solas was hard at work on one of his paintings when she walked in. Masamune’s claws on the stone echoed quietly in the open room. The elf turned to see Aaren standing there, with this air of gloom.

“Why hello,” he said with politeness. He wiped his brush on a cloth and Aaren stood there in awkward silence.

“Uh…hello,” she then greeted after an unnaturally long time to return a proper greeting.

“Is something troubling you? It looks as though your mind is elsewhere,” he commented lightly. 

_You have no idea_ Aaren thought to herself sarcastically.

“You don’t have to stop here, the Commander’s door is just over there,” Solas teased lightly. Aaren frowned when Solas mentioned it which, to him, was unusual.

“So something _is_ troubling you,” Solas said. “Apart from Maeve’s current condition. Sadly, I have no information for you. None of the spirits here have heard of anything like that curse.”

“It isn’t Maeve,” Aaren corrected quickly. It was forced, as though tearing a blood soaked cloth that had dried against a wound. Solas stepped down from his stool he had stood upon and walked to her.

“Then what is this about?” he asked.

“…dreams…particularly nightmares,” Aaren explained. Solas could tell she was being vague on purpose. It was obvious she did not want to talk about this, and it was also obvious that something recent happened. Her eyes were filled with worry, fear, as well as the same look she got when her mind was a whirl with thought.

“I see, well, we both know and understand that dreams are a place where the mind solves its own problems,” Solas iterated. Aaren gained a small scowl.

“Yes, but…it’s not that simple,” Aaren said softly.

“Dreams are very _simple_ ,” Solas agreed. Aaren wished he would just listen for once.

“It’s not simple dreams, Solas. I remember these dreams and they’re rather…vivid,” Aaren said. Vivid would be the last word she would use to really describe these dreams. The possibility that she was being contacted by a sentient being and being messed with also did not bode well. But for now, Aaren would have to talk herself down from impossible and perhaps supernatural occurrences.

“It’s not uncommon for them to be vivid or remembered. But judging on your look, it isn’t just that. Are they reoccurring?” Solas then asked. As he did so, he set his paint brush in a cup of what Aaren assumed to be water. The warrior didn’t answer him right away, which set in suspicion far faster. But his suspicion was only confirmed when he watched her head slowly nod forward in affirmation.

“I see…interesting,” Solas then said. Aaren hated that. It felt like Solas was turning this into an amusing puzzle. 

“Do you know what reoccurring dreams mean in this world?” Solas asked. At least he was nice about that aspect. He would always ask if she knew something of their world before explaining it. Sadly, in this case, Aaren knew exactly what it could mean.

“I know what it possibly means,” Aaren said softly. Then she looked at him with all seriousness.

“If it is all the same to you, I’d like to keep this just between us until we get hard facts. I don’t need people going crazy over speculation,” she added. That was the last things she wanted. People had a tendency to believe rumours and make them grow until they were impossible to tackle. It was even harder to try and correct them once people had made their own opinions without actually doing the research and get the correct facts.

“As do I,” Solas agreed. At least they were agreed on that much.

“Tell me about these dreams,” Solas then said. Aaren sighed and summoned all the courage she had. She explained about the voice that called to her, the castle she always visited, how it seemed like she never truly left the castle between her dreams, and of the new developments. Of the monsters she saw in the last two dreams she had and how they took a sinister turn so quickly. Solas listened in silence, and with concerned interest. He concentrated on every word that Aaren said, every little detail she was able to tell him. It was amazing that she could remember exact details, or peculiar ones.

“And this voice…the whisper you mentioned,” Solas asked as soon as it was apparent that Aaren was done with most of her explanation. “It shows no malice?”

Aaren shook her head.

“It had every opportunity to show malice. As I said before, this dream as occurred more than once. But every time…it was usually a pleasant conversation. Usually it would joke in a sarcastic way but I get the feeling that it was frustrated by the end of the dreams,” she answered.

“Exactly when did these dreams start?” Solas then asked. Aaren’s mouth closed quickly and she looked away. She felt shame, shame that she could not control these dreams but worse yet…she feared the outcome.

“Since I cheated death,” Aaren replied softly. Solas nodded then thought for a moment. Aaren hated the waiting. The silence was nearly unbearable. Aaren started to fiddle with the sleeve of her tunic, even if it was tucked neatly under the vambrace. 

“It’s hard to tell what exactly it is you dream without experiencing it itself,” Solas concluded. “If this is a spirit with intelligence, then there is a possibility that it knows you can be a powerful foothold in the mortal world. But considering how long this has gone on, that seems highly unlikely. I would suggest that I enter your dreams to gain a complete understanding.”

“No offense, Solas, but I doubt that I could sleep at all after the last one,” Aaren admitted. She’d like a break from the absolutely terrifying, at least till the sun set and it was time for her to fight for sleep. Solas gave a nod.

“Very well, we will reconvene at dusk then,” Aaren gave a nod and excused herself politely. She was grateful for the help, but she couldn’t help but have this sense of dread start to grow in her stomach. Aaren did not want this to be the mage’s coming into their power dream. Part of her feared what that would do to her, and the other part…feared what that would do to Cullen. She knew that he disliked mages. Based on his experience with the worst they had to offer, who could blame him? And to have something around him that reminded him of those atrocities was hard enough, but to potentially be a reminder of such things…to become one…Aaren couldn’t bear that. It had nothing to do with the hatred of magic, nor the fear. It was the understanding of the pain one felt when it reminded them of darker, more hellish days. 

With that in mind, Aaren continued to think the rest of her day away. Regardless if she was engaged in other activities, helping recruits, doing minor grunt work and so forth, her mind was always pondering what her dreams were. Some people commented that she stared off, her mind not completely with them as they talked or as they worked. Aaren would always brush them off, only to have her thoughts consumed again. She was fine with the more conscious dreams, where she quipped with an unknown voice that lead her about an abandoned castle. She was certain if she had more time that the voice would eventually reveal itself…or that she would recognize the place that she was in as the voice had so many times eluded to. 

Currently she found herself sitting beside Maeve’s bed again. The poor woman had suffered another bout of delusions. Cried out to the moon that she was sorry and that the curse should leave her alone. Aaren had called her down with words she knew Maeve didn’t hear, in the vain hope that she would at least feel the calming effect of them. Maybe it was the soothing touch to her arm, the small action of holding Maeve to Aaren as she rocked her back and forth. Aaren couldn’t know for sure if any of this actually helped Maeve. She had to convince herself it did, that it calmed Maeve down from her ranting and raving. There was a moment when she thought maybe Maeve would come out to talk, but instead she just fell into another sleepy stupor. Aaren sighed heavily and sat in the chair that faced Maeve’s bed.

“She’s sleeping?” Robin asked as she came into the room. Aaren looked to the mage and then back at Maeve.

“I think…it’s hard to tell when she’s just docile and when she’s actually resting,” Aaren replied. Robin checked Maeve over and then exhaled a heavy breath.

“It’s the same…she’s calm at least…” Robin said. There was worry in her tone, as well as exhaustion. Then silence fell between them. Aaren tried hard to ignore the ever watchful and observant eye of Robin, and instead focused on the unreadable words of the book she picked up.

“You should rest too,” Robin then said. Aaren looked up from the pages.

“I will…” she replied. Robin frowned and then Aaren rolled her eyes. 

“Bull and Sera are out with the Inquisitor and the Seeker on some Red Jenny thing. Dorian is researching the library floor to ceiling alongside some of our best mages. And Blackwall has yet to return from his own adventure in the woods nearby. So until one of them comes back, I will remain here,” Aaren explained.

“So you were paying attention today,” Robin murmured.

“Just because I get lost in my own thoughts doesn’t mean I am completely unaware,” Aaren muttered in response. “I’ll go to bed right away afterwards. It’s my off day tomorrow anyway.”

A lie, but a convincing one. Robin had found her hands full helping Maeve that there was hardly a minute where she could catch her breath. By the end of the day she was too tired to read through Aaren’s bluffs. The mage nodded with acceptance and walked out of the room. Aaren returned to her book but found that her eyelids were growing heavy with each word she forced herself to read. It wasn’t until she had tried to reread a single word five times did she finally close her eyes

_Just a little rest_ Aaren thought to herself. Again, a convincing lie.

~

_Aaren_ a voice called out to her. The woman ignored the calls and tried to return to the black nothingness that was rest.

_Aaren_ the voice said again with a firmer tone. Aaren grumbled incoherent protests and shifted in her chair again. Her body relaxed once again and sleep nearly took her.

_Aaren!_ The voice snapped angrily at her. This time, Aaren opened her eyes to find that she was seated in a rather comfortable chair next to a fireplace. The room oddly looked like Fereldan style room. A bed in the center of the room, a living space opposite the current chair she sat in, a fur sort of rug or carpet in front of the fire. A small groan of annoyance escaped Aaren’s lips and she rubbed her face with one hand.

“Not again…” she grumbled.

“I was beginning to think you would not dream,” Solas’ voice chuckled from the darkness. Aaren blinked again and looked over to the living area. He seated himself comfortably and read a book. He looked up at her with an amused smile and she gave him a frown in return.

“I was hoping that I would not dream…three in one day seems a bit much,” Aaren complained. Solas stood up and placed the book on the end table nearest to him.

“I must apologize. You did not show up for our meeting,” he explained lightly. “I could sense a powerful dream from within my own, I decided to investigate it.”

“So you’re only here out of curiousity?” Aaren asked, annoyed.

“Partially, but we did plan to dive into your dreams together,” Solas reminded. Aaren scowled. However, she was happy to have someone with her. There was a small chance that if they encountered any troubles, that Solas could easily cast a fireball or a wall of ice to protect them. With a pat at her side she knew she did not have she sword. 

_It’s just like all the other times_ she thought to herself. Though it was possible that this was just a dream that Solas pulled her into. Aaren then stood up and straightened out her clothes.

“Well I hope we won’t be attacked,” Aaren muttered. Of course she had her armour, but not her sword. She walked to the door and placed a careful hand on it. She pushed the door open to reveal her starting point, as always. The same dark room, with the same lit torches. Aaren’s heart began to pound in her ears. Whatever this dream was…it was relentless now.

“Is this how it always starts out?” Solas asked.

“Yes…” Aaren said. “Though…the last time it was as though it picked up where it left off.”

“That could mean that the dream was still with you even though you were awake…it is rare, but it happens,” Solas informed. Aaren rolled her eyes and walked into the corridor. Solas followed but as soon as he got through, the door slammed shut behind them and disappeared entirely. The sound made Aaren jump out of her skin. Solas was mildly surprised.

“That doesn’t happen,” Aaren said. Her heart already beating a mile a minute.

“I have a feeling that this is not an ordinary dream…but this is also not the Fade…this is all very new to me,” Solas commented lightly. Yeah, that would help. Have the resident expert on dreams tell her that this was something new was not comforting in the slightest.

“We must tread carefully,” Solas then added.

“You don’t need to tell me twice,” Aaren retorted.

_You brought a friend?_ The voice then spoke softer than ever. Aaren had to cut her ending short just to try and catch it.

“Yes I brought a friend…to help me figure out what is going on here…and why you’re bothering me,” Aaren added. She wanted to try and keep this as normal as possible, to allow Solas the chance to observe and gather all the information needed to figure out what was going on here. She felt a smile…which was hardly the way to describe what just flashed in her mind. She could see someone smile at her, but it was a sad smile.

It won’t help much… it was barely a whisper.

“You know I can’t hardly hear you when you spoke to me the last few times, making yourself quieter isn’t going to help much,” she grumbled.

“Who exactly are you speaking to?” Solas asked. Aaren waited for a replied to her own question before she turned to him.

“The voice I mentioned…you didn’t hear it?” Aaren replied with a question.

“If it was a demon trying to call out to you, I would have heard it. The same goes for a spirit. But only you heard the voice?” Solas said with a light note of concern.

“It doesn’t help that it’s gone super quiet- “

_For good reason_ she stopped mid-sentence. Aaren turned her head as though she were listening to more.

_Tell me…_ she thought in a silent plea.

_They now hunt you…have found you…you must find me before they find you_ the voice replied ever so quietly. 

“They? Who is they?” Aaren asked out loud. Her eyes searched in the mild darkness but found no one. She listened, strained her ears and heard no one. Silence fell and Aaren could only hear the wild beating of her heart.

“Aaren?” Solas reminded her of his presence. She looked over him with a rather worried look.

“The voice said that _they_ hunt me…didn’t really say what was hunting me,” Aaren then said. She walked down the corridor and expected Solas to follow her. Whatever this thing was, she was going to find it. She would find it, give it a piece of her mind, and then rid herself of these dreams. The torches flickered as she walked passed them, walked to the door that she knew held a dragon on the other side. Carefully, she opened it to reveal the familiar courtyard. Some of the stone was smashed or charred from where it landed and spat fire at Aaren last. But there was no actual sign that it was here. 

“Okay, come on…and be quiet,” Aaren said softly. They walked into the courtyard slowly, and careful not to crunch any loose stone beneath their feet. Aaren was apprehensive, nervous…okay down right terrified out of her mind. 

_The center door…_ the voice said. Aaren was headed toward the same door she went before. But the voice came back and almost with urgency. That is when they heard the roar. Aaren could judge that it was in the distance, but they needed to get out of here fast. Aaren dashed for the center door and shoved at it. It creaked and groaned against her as she shoved at it with all her might. Another roar, louder this time.

“Stand back!” Solas commanded and she did so. He muttered a few words and then gestured at the door. Aaren expected it to fly off the handle, but it did not budge. Solas looked down at his hand in disbelief.

“What?” he gasped. Aaren shoved at the door more and more and finally got it open just enough so they could squeeze through. Both of them shoved at the door to shut it just in time to feel the rumble of the stone beneath them. The loose rock clattered lightly with each thump of a dragon claw that neared. Aaren sucked in much needed air and tried to wrap her head around what was happening. 

“Have you seen that dragon?” Solas asked.

“Once…but all I remember is being engulfed in flames that I thought for sure would have killed me,” Aaren said. Her hands were still pressed up against the wood of the door. She feared that if she took them away, it would blast back and it would all be over. She knew her answer was not specific, she knew it didn’t help, but that is all she had. 

“Is there a way out of here?” Solas asked. Aaren looked over at him, dropped her arms and shook her head.

“Most of my explorations were limited because of my injuries. This place reflects my current condition to some extent. But I have had little time to actually explore,” Aaren explained. There was a push at her mind, the urge to get out of the current place they were in. Aaren figured it had to be whatever spoke to her was trying to contact her without alerting the dragon. Or worse…that other thing…

Aaren turned and walked down the corridor. Solas followed behind her in silence. Both of them were keenly aware that they were in danger and that the slightest sound might give away their position. Both understood that if they did give away their position, they were probably not going to make it out of here alive. Or so was the feeling. The darkness of the corridor did not help their predicament much. Aaren felt the conflicting feelings of comfort and apprehension as she continued to walk with a hand along the wall. Whatever lurked in the darkness could not see them…but at the same time, neither the human nor the elf would be able to see trouble if it came to them.

Aaren’s hand passed over the texture of a wooden door. With determination, she resisted the urge to open the door. Last time she did, she came face to face with some of the worst creatures that have ever entered her dreams. Considering Solas was with her, she’d rather not entertain the idea that he might be killed in this dangerous place. With painful slow steps, they made their way to a broken door, one that actually held light. Both of them entered it to find nothing but ruin.

“Interesting…there are small reliefs in the walls here,” Solas said. Aaren turned around to see the elf studying the walls within the room. Aaren was so concentrated on looking out for the creature from her last dream she missed those tiny details. Normally she would kick herself for missing those sorts of things…but this time, she was not so harsh on herself. 

“Do they tell anything?” Aaren asked. Solas was silent. Aaren opened her mouth to ask again but Solas finally spoke up.

“It’s hard to tell what actually is here. It is so worn down by time and perhaps weather that I cannot accurately determine what they are,” Solas said. He turned to grab a torch and waved his hand over it. Aaren expected a flame but there was nothing.

“Fascinating,” he said. “Your dream has solidified the nullification of magic.”

“Well it wasn’t on purpose…we could use a little magic right now,” Aaren said.

“At least that solves one question,” Solas said confidently. “This dream does not mean you are gifted with magic.”

_Well that’s a relief_ Aaren thought dryly. But that did not answer why it felt so real, why they were so conscious. Aaren sat in the lightly lit room quietly. Solas was trying to make sense of the rather faded reliefs on the walls. The light in the room came from a crack in the ceiling. That didn’t comfort Aaren so much as made her worry. The dragon could easily find them and crush the room under its enormous weight. She looked up at the crack with a definitive frown on her face. That is when she heard something echo down the halls. A soft thump thump like the pad of thunderous feet. Aaren’s heart sank and she reached out to Solas. He was stood closest to the door and too engrossed in his new puzzle to realize the danger. Aaren saw the beast come through the door and charge Solas with everything it had. The tentacles wrapped around the elf’s neck and yanked him down…hard.

Aaren cried out to maybe shock the beast but it only turned its head toward her grabbed her head with its hand. It then tossed her like a ragdoll with such strength that she lost consciousness as soon as she connected with the wall. Her eyes then snapped open to see that she was back in the room where Maeve slept soundly. The panic that Aaren felt did not abate and still caused her heart to beat wildly.

_Solas!_ Aaren thought and got up from her seat. As soon as she did, the door to the room flew open and Solas stood there with a very worried look on his face.

“I thought…” Aaren started.

“I think it would be best to not tell too many people about those dreams…” Solas then suggested. “Not until we can figure out what…what that thing is…”

Aaren nodded. Not many things shook up the elf and this was the first time she had ever seen the same sort of terror that she felt. With any luck, they would be able to find an answer to this for the Aaren sake…and for her sanity.


	40. It Never Gets Easier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things just seem to go from bad to worse. Aaren's dreams have started to interfere with her work while Maeve is still in the throws of a Blood Magic Curse.

Aaren sighed heavily and quietly closed the door to Maeve’s room. A quiet day, and a quiet evening, and hopefully a quiet night. She gave a heavy sigh and walked down the hall, a soft sound of her shoe connecting with the stone floor filled the hall and mingled with a second set. It was not uncommon to have a worker or two late at night, or even a guard patrolling, so Aaren thought nothing about it.

Progress on Maeve’s condition was slow. There were times when she was able to get out of the curse for about ten minutes now, but that was with the help of suppressive spells. There were times when she said that she saw nothing and that was quite literal. Maeve could not see anything when they suppressed the curse. Blinding her was not the goal, as her weapon of choice was that of a bow and arrow and she needed her sight for her job as a spy. The second problem was her hearing. She could not hear anything as well, other than her own voice that is. It was like she was still stuck in that world but at least she was not plagued by the visions she constantly saw. It was also another alternative to the sleeping draughts that healers offered when some of the visions became too much. 

“I should have known you’d be out here,” a familiar voice said behind her. Aaren couldn't even jump, she was too tired. She turned around to see the Inquisitor. The smile on his face quickly faded when he saw Aaren’s weariness.

“Hey,” she murmured softly. Hal’s face fell to one of concern. Aaren rubbed the sleep away from her eyes or at least attempted to do so. She had bags under her eyes, the lines of worry starting to appear on her face. Not to mention her eyes were half closed with the same sort of tiredness he had witnessed when they fought the undead in the Fallow Mire.

“How are you holding up?” Hal asked. Aaren could hear the note of worry in his tone. If she was to be honest with him, she was on her last legs. Most of the time the healers would run to her as a first line of help when something bad happened. If Maeve ever had an episode, Aaren was always called in. That meant while she was asleep, or if she was training. Then there were her own dreams she was starting to be concerned about. All in all, Aaren would say she was struggling to even breath if she could make that sort of comparison. 

“I’m holding,” she answered out of reflex. Aaren was used to struggling and used to not receiving help. She grew up in that sort of environment and knew the crushing feeling of having those that were supposed to have rescued her and siblings from dark despair only turn their backs on her. There was no use in feeling sorry for herself nor to receive pity from another. Not when she was the only one that stood between healing and certain insanity. To feign normalcy was a defense mechanism. One that Aaren often forgot she used.

“At least we can give her a break from those awful things she sees,” Hal then commented. Aaren nodded.

“But I get the feeling you haven’t been given a proper break,” Hal then added. Aaren slowly looked up at him with a serious expression on her face. Hal, the Inquisitor, had become more observant now that he had become leader. It seems that he made it a point to watch out for the people that were in his care. In any normal circumstances, she would have applauded such behavior. However, now she did not wish to have that sort of scrutiny.

“I’ll be okay, I’ve faired far worse,” Aaren said in a small attempt to just play things off in a normal conversation.

“True, you did march upon Death’s doorstep just to say you did, but that does not mean you can run yourself ragged and expect to perform all of your duties,” he said. Aaren forced herself to refrain from scowling up at him.

“I can perform all of my duties. As of yet, I am still on your version of medical leave. See, even have my arm up in a sling for the night as requested by the healers until further notice,” she said as though she were reciting from a slip of paper. Hal’s face fell from that usual smile to one of concern.

“That’s not what I mean, Aaren,” Hal then said. He hoped to speak to her as friends. But Aaren was not one to readily give the reins over to someone else. She made room for Blackwall, given Maeve’s relationship with him, but it was hard for anyone else to gain the same task. Not that the mages and healers have made that sort of thing any easier.

“You’re going to run yourself ragged, if you aren’t already there,” Hal pointed out. “You have given Maeve the tools she needs to fight this. Let her fight on her own every now and again.”

“Hal, it’s not that simple and you know it,” Aaren replied with a sigh. She wished it were. She wished it were that simple as letting Maeve fight this horrific curse on her own, to triumph and walk away proudly as though this were nothing but a joke. But Maeve was already on her own. There was nothing the mages nor Aaren, nor Blackwall could do to get through to her. Maeve as already fighting on her own, and they had no real way of giving her reinforcements. 

“Maeve is alone in this, has been since the curse was cast…and the only time she has a break is when one of us is there. Someone that she knows and trusts. I’m not about to let her fall when I can be there and pull her back up,” Aaren said. She would not abandon a friend when all she could do was stand at their side. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Hal could see the pain and anguish on her face. Aaren, before her injury, would make certain that the people in her care were barely wounded. She would take on the most difficult portions of the missions not for glory, but to keep everyone else safe. It was the reason why she was so often injured, and the reason why she had that scar on her face. 

“Even you need a rest, give Maeve a chance, I think she’s stronger than you think,” Hal continued to push. “Even if you are on, what did you call it?”

“Medical leave?” Aaren answered for him. There was a slight feeling of regret when she answered.

“Yes, even if you are medical leave, you’ve found another way to work yourself till you pass out. You need a break. A real break. And it doesn’t have to be a long one. Just enough to refresh your mind,” Hal explained simply. He had a sympathetic look on his face. Aaren gave a sigh and ran another hand through her hair. 

“I don’t know if I can, Hal,” Aaren admitted. If it wasn’t sitting through the random like episodes of insane raving it was the dreams that bit at her heels. There was no real way to get a break.

“Worrying that the world might crash down and blow itself to bits? Corypheus might make a comeback and decided he doesn’t want to wait around for us to regain strength? Maybe that your arm won’t ever recover? Or maybe that your friends might not come back because you aren’t there to protect them?” Hal asked her. Aaren closed her mouth and looked at Hal. He had this look of understanding, and for once Aaren could see his own worry. Perhaps he showed it to her because he too worried like she did. “I’ll try Hal…but please…if,” Aaren started to speak but Hal interrupted with a chuckle.

“If anything happens, you will be the first to know. I swear it. Go rest. You’ve earned it,” the Inquisitor said with a nod. Aaren gave a halfhearted salute and Hal waved it away. The woman gave him a nod and tiredly walked the halls. Even if the Inquisitor had asked to her to rest, Aaren’s mind was a whirl of worry and concern. They had yet to find a cure for Maeve, and not so much as come close. She’d not seen Dorian since their last argument, and frankly, she was a little afraid to do so. The words they exchanged were hurtful…and she was not yet ready to face him and apologize for her insults. Her feet took her to her room, where Masamune greeted her at the door.

“I thought you were right behind me,” Aaren murmured. She was so tired, so completely exhausted.

“There you are,” Cullen’s voice said with a little bit of relief. Aaren felt a small bit of surprise but at the same time a little bit of relief. She turned to see Cullen standing in her door way with a worried look on his face. 

“You did not come to dinner. I worried something might have happened to you,” Cullen explained. Aaren motioned him in to her room. He came in and closed the door behind him quietly.

“You look like you have not had a decent night’s sleep,” he commented. Aaren looked over at Cullen to see him set down a tray on her desk. The light smell of cooked meat and some vegetables wafted through the room. It made Aaren’s stomach growl. 

“Sounds as though you have not eaten either,” he chuckled. 

“Been rather busy as of late,” Aaren said softly. She felt Cullen’s hand on her shoulders. They gave a gentle squeeze, then his thumbs rolled over tense muscles in an effort to break said tension.

“I am beginning to think you are working too hard on this,” He said softly. Aaren winced as she felt him dig into a rather tight knot. Tight muscles were part of her problem with her sword arm and healing it. The healers suggested massages every now and again to keep it loose, and Cullen took his time to learn the specific massages to help release knots that might formed. Not because he was the Commander and felt particular guilty about allowing one of his soldiers to nearly die for him, but because he was guilty that the most precious person in the world to him had nearly died on his watch. It was also a great excuse to be alone with Aaren.

“You and the Inquisitor both…” Aaren murmured. She gave a little hiss when Cullen found the worst of the knots before he left them and brushed his hands over her shoulders.

“Come and sit down,” he said. Aaren turned and found her chair to sit in while Cullen went right back to work. His thumbs worked through her cotton shirt and lessened the pain a little bit, but only just.

“What troubles you?” he asked her. Aaren gave a heavy sigh, it relaxed her shoulders enough for Cullen to sneakily knead out a terrible knot. 

“It’s Maeve…what else could it be?” Aaren asked him. 

“I believe you find the solution to your problems when you talk them out,” Cullen reminded with a light chuckle. “At the very least it will help you dispel your worry for a time.”

Aaren gave a sigh. That may have been true, but there were some worries that she couldn’t shake. Was her mind slipping from her nightmares? Was Maeve going to come out of this sane? Or was she going to succumb and leave this world? Or was Corypheus going to attack tomorrow and end it all? Those were her worries. No matter how many times she spoke of them to Cullen, to anyone, they would return.

“You know what I worry about Cullen…” Aaren said. Cullen’s hands stilled. Even he knew that meant she didn’t want to talk about it. He rubbed her shoulders affectionately and gave them a pat.

“Things will get better,” he said. Aaren sighed and wished that was true. There was so much uncertainty that it felt like she was drowning in it. Cullen handed her a cup of tea, Aaren nodded and held the warm cup in her hands. There would be an answer…somewhere…and they would just have to remain vigilant until then.

_Shrrrk. Shrrk._

There was one repeating sound through all the fog. Maeve scrunched up her face at the sound. She looked up and around at her surroundings. Most times she would see the hellish blood, dead soldiers and loved ones, but this time she was free of those things. She was in nothingness, like so many times before. But in those times, she couldn’t hear things…it was a blissful silence that gave her reprieve from the nightmares that came from the curse that was inflicted upon her. 

_Shrrk. Shrrk._

There it was again. Maeve looked again. She even sat up and was fully alert to her current surroundings, but nothing was there. Nothing that could have made that sound. 

_What is that?_ Maeve thought to herself. It sounded familiar. Like a metal cutting through wood over and over again…but it wasn’t the distinct chop of wood. No. this was softer, elongated. It had a flick at the end of each sound. The smell of fresh wood surrounded her. Just like someone chopping up firewood back at Haven. Aaren loved that smell…said it reminded her of camping and of home. But for Maeve it reminded her of something else. Someone else.

_Blackwall…_ Maeve thought. A smile came to her face. She really missed him. She wanted him to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. To kiss her, touch her, prove to her that the world she as cursed to was no more. But her heart sank a little. Disappointment and apprehension constricted her heart. The last few times she saw Blackwall, it was only to see him killed before her. Over and over again without any mercy. And who had done the killing? Maeve’s own hand. She didn’t want to see that. She didn’t want to experience that any more.

_What? Are you going to sit there all day?_ Aaren said. Maeve looked to see an Aaren standing there with full gear and an amused smile on her face. Maeve was waiting for her to be struck down. Aaren then tilted her head to the side with a look of confusion.

_Waiting on something?_ She asked. 

“For you to be killed horrifically,” Maeve said sadly. Aaren paused for a moment and then laughed. The same laugh she gave when someone proposed something idiotic. A short “Ha ha.” 

_Do you really think that I could be killed so easily?_ She asked. 

Well…you almost…” 

_I’m standing here right?_ Aaren interrupted. 

"Yeah but you’re in my head. Besides…Aaren in the real world was wearing a sling. Her arm was hurt,” Maeve replied. Why was she even having this conversation? This was nothing more than a trick of the mind. The phantom Aaren looked at her arms and then back at Maeve. 

_Well that is proof that I am not dead._ Aaren here said with a grin. The same stupid grin Maeve always saw on Aaren’s face whenever she was being childishly optimistic. But the Aaren here did have a point. If Maeve could remember what the real Aaren looked like…then nothing that she saw in this place was truly real. Maeve looked up at Aaren and she gave a little chuckle. 

_Well? What are you waiting for? Get up and start getting out of here_ her friend said to her. 

“Go where? There’s nothing here,” Maeve asked. She even gestured to the blackness that surrounded them. 

_Blackwall…you can hear him can’t you?_

_Shrrrrrrrk…shrk shrk shrk_

Maeve heard the sound again. Both of them looked in the same direction as the sound. Maeve had this small feeling of excitement well up in her chest. If that was Blackwall…carving on something…then maybe…just maybe…she could get to him. She wanted so badly to get out of here, to embrace Blackwall, to leave this horrific nightmare forever. But every time she did…every time the fog lifted…the nightmare pushed back…it was only for a moment only to have the nightmares claw at the back of her mind once more and drag her back into this hellish landscape. It was getting to the point where Maeve did not want to do that any more…she wasn’t Aaren, she couldn’t continue fighting the impossible at every corner. 

_Aren’t you going to get up and go?_ Aaren asked. Maeve looked at her friend and then looked away. 

“I’m only going to end up back here…so what’s the point?” Maeve replied. She could feel Aaren’s scowl appear on her face. Then the sound of clanking armour clattered as Aaren approached. She then crouched and peered up at Maeve’s face. 

_What if it isn’t?_ Aaren asked. 

“Don’t try that with me…I’ve thought that each time I get out of this place…and yet…I always end up right back here. I’ve had enough of having my hopes shattered,” Maeve snapped. The Aaren in here gave a small sad smile. 

_Will it make a difference if I told you it isn’t?_

“Obviously not. You’re not the real Aaren. She’s outside this curse…” Maeve said with a bite of anger. The Aaren here gave a nod and stood up. She brushed her pants off and then sat right beside Maeve.

_That might be true. But if it were, would I not just be murdered here?_ The phantom asked. That was an oddity. Any other vision that Maeve saw was filled with death, horror, gore, and anything in between. But here, there was a vision of Aaren just standing there, arguing with her as though she were no longer under a spell. Maeve looked up at this Aaren to see her friend looking out into the distance. 

There was nothing in the distance. Nothing but blackness. If it was her nightmares there would be blood everywhere. Bodies arranged in mangled positions with faces upturned with fright. Some of those faces would be people that Maeve knew, and it struck a blow to her heart every time. 

_Shrk. Shrk. Shrk._

Maeve’s head lifted at the sound. It was like that of a ticking clock. Familiar and comforting at the same time. There was the flicker of hope that started to tease the back of her brain but the crushing weight of reality stifled it. Choked it until it was no more. 

_He sits there…more so than before._ Aaren said as though she had information on the other side. The phantom looked over her shoulder at Maeve and then looked back into the distance. 

_He always greets you, tells you of his day…and then goes to carving. I can’t see what it is he’s carving though. Probably something he does to pass the time._ Aaren continued. Maeve’s slight curiousity won out. She stood up and walked to the phantom’s side. 

“You can see that from here?” Maeve asked. Aaren looked over at her friend and then back to the horizon. There was a line. Like that of a sun that just wanted to peak over the hills of the mountains. That was something new. And the light started to warm Maeve’s heart. Excitement started to rise in Maeve as she waited for Aaren’s reply. 

_No, not really. I just hear his words._ She replied. Maeve looked at her friend in confusion. 

“Shouldn’t I hear them too?” Maeve asked. Aaren turned to her friend and gave a smile. 

_See, I’m just a phantom. I can hear anything in this room. But you…you’re not a phantom._ Aaren explained. A hand rose up and pointed to the same horizon that she had gazed upon all this time they were talking. 

_You have only to go there._

It couldn’t be that simple. Maeve looked at the path before her with conflict in her heart. 

_It only takes is one step at a time_ Aaren said. Maeve looked down at her own feet. At the island that she had found herself on. Before her was the same pool of blood. The same disgusting and grotesque blood that she had seen and felt before. But on the other side. On the other side was Blackwall. Was the real world. Was freedom from this cursed nightmare. If…if Maeve really believed that what Aaren in this vision said. Then perhaps…perhaps she just needed to try one more time. 

_Right…One step at a time _Maeve thought. She willed her legs to move, to trudge through the blood, the gore. No more. It was time to get away from here, to return to the living, the real.__

____

_Shrrk. Shrrk._

____

The sound repeated, more this time, rhythmic, and louder. 

____

_Shrrk. Shrrk. Shrrk._

____

There was the sound again. The faint smell of wood permeated the air and gave Maeve such a comfort. There was one person she knew that was interested in wood carving. Blackwall. 

____

_Blackwall…Blackwall…Blackwall_

____

Darkness enveloped her senses. It was slow at first. Her limbs began to feel heavy. Her eyes started to close and her body fell into the abyss that was uncertainty. But her will…that slight consciousness she had enough of to will herself to continue to press forward. That was what remained. 

____

Maeve, with all of her might, fought for the consciousness she so desired. The cursed nightmare was not what she wanted to return to. She wanted to return to Blackwall’s side. And if Aaren was right, then she needed to fight with everything she had. Because this was the last chance that Maeve had. The second would never come. She would remain lost within her own mind, too crushed to desire a second or a third chance. 

____

The sound of a knife on wood came to her ears first. It was muffled at first. Like she had cotton in her ears or if they were filled with water. But the more she listened, the clearer it got. The same noise she heard in her hellish dreams was louder than ever before. 

____

“Bull and his crew were in here not too long ago. They wanted to make sure you were comfortable. Krem even got you some flowers. There sitting right there on the end table next to your bed,” Blackwalls gruff voice explained absently. “They had asked what flowers you liked but…I never got a chance to ask you…so I hope you like them.” 

____

There was a note of sadness in his voice. A sadness that tugged at Maeve’s heart. Her eyes opened up to see the familiar ceiling of her living quarters. The same stone that she had woken up so many times. It wasn’t like the castle in Denerim. The ceilings were much lower. Her head slowly turned to see the flowers that Blackwall talked about. They were gorgeous. An array of pinks purples and reds. But they were all very beautiful. A far different tone than that of the nightmares and visions she had endured for who knows how long. 

____

There was the sound of a chair creaking to a gentle shift in weight. The second sound that followed as the clatter of wood to a carpeted stone as well as a second object. Perhaps his knife. Maeve looked over on her opposite side to see Blackwall gazing down at her in shock. He was already half out of his chair, and slowly straightened up. Disbelief gripped him. 

____

“Blackwall,” Maeve uttered his name with a sigh of relief. In that instant, tension broke and disappeared from the room. The Warden rushed to Maeve’s bed side and scooped her up into his arms in a very tight embrace. Initially, it surprised Maeve. But then, the same relief that Blackwall felt melted into her own being. She wept tears of happiness at the mere thought that she had returned and would never leave Blackwall behind again. That those dreams would be in the past and remain there. 

____

“Thank the grace of Andraste,” she heard Blackwall breath. He held her with such care. Like he was holding the most precious and fragile porcelain in his hands. But Maeve could feel his strength, and the will he had to not squeeze the life that she struggled so hard to return to. 

____

“I’m so sorry…Blackwall…I’m so sorry,” Maeve repeated over and over again. Guilt for not being strong enough to fight this, to resist the curse, to not be able to defend herself clouded her mind. Blackwall held her there. 

____

“None of this was your fault. _None_ of it,” he said firmly and yet gently. Maeve felt the hand on the back of her head that held her to him. The arm the kept her body up right and supported. Her own hand gripped his back in a strangling embrace as they wept together with a mix of happiness and uncertainty. No one knew how long Maeve would remain in this world of the sane. A curse was a curse after all. But in this moment. This one and brief moment. Maeve had returned. And both of them were certain it would be longer than just a mere five or ten minutes. 

____


	41. Breaking the Chains of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Maeve's recovery, Aaren can go back to focusing on healing and strengthening...however, how long can that focus last when her own dreams begin to turn into violent nightmares? Who could she turn to for help?

The days that had followed since Maeve’s return to reality were looking up. Those that had devoted such time to the research of this curse were able to breathe a sigh of relief. There was not exactly the same fervent rush to find a cure as there once was. Now there was only an apprehension and a select few that dedicated themselves to continuing their search for a permanent cure. Maeve had stated, on more than one occasion, that she could feel something clawing at her in the back of her mind. It was trying to pull her away from this place, to drag her back down into the depths of hell. Aaren could not get the worried look of her friend’s face out of her mind. The fear.

_Good thing was, she was able to return_ Aaren thought to herself. Aaren’s own healing was proceeding down the road of full recovery. Robin had praised her on her restraint and was pleased to see that Aaren’s muscles were repairing faster than expected. But with those words of praise came a very stern reminder to continue to be restrained until Aaren got the “fully recovered” report. Still, it was something to celebrate since she was now promoted to walking around without a sling. Which meant she could be a little more confident. But that was prone to get her into trouble.

Currently she found herself back at the stables. The animals were always interesting to her, and it often reminded her of her home that she wished she could return to. A home that was so distant from her now. Distant in a way that she never thought of. If the opportunity presented itself, could they actually drop everything they have built here and leave? Could they abandon the people that they had pledged to help and protect? The friends they have made and this little dysfunctional and weird family that they had created together? It was a thought that occasionally prodded Aaren’s mind whenever she paid particular attention to the smell of the leather and the scent of horses. 

The smell reminded her of home. Reminded her of the memories of her childhood when she would go and ride horses when she could. It was a smell that comforted her and yet now it presented a wave of questions that Aaren did not know the right answers to. Aaren’s brush in her hand slowed as she continued to think about her home and played with the possibility of having to make that choice. To go home…or to stay.

“Well Yakul…I don’t suppose you have an answer you do?” Aaren asked Yakul as though he might be able to answer for her. The beast snorted and shifted his weight before he settled back into the familiar silence. She gave a small sigh and went back to grooming the big Hart. Of course he wouldn’t have the answers for her. It was a decision that Aaren would ultimately have to make. Just…it was turning into a harder decision than when they first landed in this world.

“Ah, there you are,” a familiar voice greeted her. Her second in command, Ian, walked up to her. Aaren’s hand fell away from Yakul as did the brush.

“I wasn’t trying to hid if that’s what you are implying,” Aaren retorted. Ian gave a chuckle and handed her a slip of paper. Aaren’s eyebrow arched with curiousity.

“A love letter? Please you could be more romantic than that,” Aaren teased as she took the paper from him. Ian gave a small chuckle.

“Captain, you only tease because you know you are taken,” the man replied. A light shade of pink appeared on Aaren’s cheeks and her eyes went immediately to the paper. They glanced over the words and then she shoved the paper back at Ian in mild annoyance.

“You came here to give me a simple report on the training of the Wolf Warriors?” she asked. Her eye brow rose up in question and Ian gave a small shrug. He looked like he might be annoyed with something else.

“In truth, that was the guise. An excuse to get away from the other captains who wanted to bicker about where our forces should go. Also, to check up on you,” he said truthfully. Aaren gave him a small look of surprise.

“I don’t know how you put up with those people,” he grumbled as he rolled his shoulders to adjust his armour. That was the thing. Aaren didn’t. She couldn’t stand indecisiveness and thus would usually turn to Cullen in times when the captains would bicker and argue. Ian, it seems, was not that sort of man but did not have the same means to stop the arguing. 

“I usually bypass them and go to the Commander. His decisions are final and I’d rather get a decision than bicker about what needs to be done,” Aaren answered. There was a chuckle from inside the stables.

“Or an excuse to see the Commander,” Maeve’s voice teased. Both Aaren and Ian turned around to see Maeve and Blackwall standing there. Maeve had a smile on her face and gave a friendly little wave. Aaren looked relieved to see her best friend and dropped everything to go see her. Literally.

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be up?” Aaren asked as she half jogged over. The brush had barely clattered to the floor when she approached Maeve. The woman in question gave a little giggle and nodded.

“Healers said she was healthy enough to go on a walk. Said I needed to get some more supplies for…well this…and Maeve insisted she tag along,” Blackwall then explained. Aaren knew about his hobby but Blackwall didn’t seem to think it was something that was worthy of a Grey Warden. It was an endearing quality.

“Well, I should probably head back. Maker knows those idiots haven’t ruined a perfectly good map with daggers,” Ian then said. Aaren turned to him and gave a wave.

“Just threaten that I will come up there. That might get them to start talking of a solution,” she suggested. Ian gave a wave and a nod before he disappeared. Aaren then turned back to Maeve.

“I’m glad to see you up,” Aaren said and then gave her best friend a strong hug. Relief was not an adequate word to describe what she felt. It was like the whole world was off her shoulders for the time being. Now she could see her friend. Smile, laugh, talk, share stories, and anything in between. 

“I’m glad to be up. It feels like I’ve slept for a year,” Maeve replied with a small frown. Aaren gave a chuckle and pulled away.

“Well, now you know how Rumpelstiltskin felt,” Aaren teased. Maeve’s frown gave way to a slight grin.

“At least I had a comfortable bed and clothes and people to look after me,” Maeve half whined. Aaren gave nod. Maeve’s eyes cast downward to see that Aaren wasn’t in her sling. She looked back up at her friend with a worried frown.

“You’re not wearing your sling…are you healed?” Maeve then asked when Aaren said nothing. 

“Oh this? No, not yet. The healers want me to start strengthening it with simple daily tasks before they promote me back to the sword. Even then, I probably won’t go back to intense fighting,” Aaren explained. Maeve gave her a look and Aaren scowled at her.

“It’s the truth! Go ask Robin! She’s the one that suggested I get out of the sling,” she said defensively. Maeve gave her that same “mother hen” look. Aaren rolled her eyes at her friend. Yup, Maeve was back and she was not going to let anything keep her from doting on her friends and making sure that they were in decent health.

“Fine I will,” Maeve said childishly. Aaren scowled.

“Oh, there was something I wanted to ask you,” Maeve then said as though she remembered something. “Did something happen between you and Dorian? He seemed rather sad when I asked about you.”

Aaren could feel her chest tighten. Yes, something did happen. A great argument happened between them and Aaren had yet to go back and apologize for her hurtful words. Most of it was out of fear that Dorian would not accept her apology and develop a grudge against her. The other part was not wanting to face that fear head on, which was childish of her. Aaren looked away from Maeve for a minute before returning to her friend.

“We had a discussion or two, why do you ask?” Aaren asked in the vain attempt to just hide behind lack of words. Her eyes told a very different story. Maeve could see that those words were nothing but a mask to hide what truly upset her.

“I just told you, because he looked rather upset. You do too,” Maeve pointed out. Aaren knew she couldn’t hide it from Maeve. The spy had to learn how to read people and read them well. In actuality, Aaren praised her for being able to read people. Yet at this time she wished that Maeve wasn’t that great.

“It’s something personal, Maeve…and I don’t want to drag you into it,” Aaren replied softly. Maeve gave a soft sigh but understood. Dorian was the same way. He had said that it was something between him and Aaren to work through and to not worry her pretty little head about it. But that was just it. Maeve would worry about it regardless. Just as Maeve was about to say something, a hand touched her shoulders. She looked to see Blackwall shake his head at her.

“…Well…I’ll be here for you if you ever want to talk about it,” Maeve said. There was sadness the permeated the room now. Maeve turned to walk back with Blackwall and it left a rather sad and frustrated Aaren.

~

Running. That’s all Aaren was doing. The castle in her dreams was no longer just a strange and unique place of peaceful wonder. It was now a place filled with danger around every corner, in every shadow. 

_WHAM!_

Another door slammed behind her and a wooden bar came down with a loud clatter. A howl of anger and frustration echoed behind the thick wooden door. It banged and pounded against the barrier. Aaren could only pant heavily.

“This has got to stop!” she snapped angrily. Not having a weapon to begin with was to worst part about this. It gave a fear that Aaren hated. One where she could not defend herself against these terrors. 

_You must find me!_ The same voice that would speak to her before. It was urgent, almost in a pleading tone.

“Then tell me where you are!” Aaren shouted to the air. There was a crack that formed on the door and then exploded into splinters. Aaren held up her arms to protect herself as she was tossed away by the debris. When she opened her eyes. She could see the ceiling of her room. At her back was the familiar soft mold of her mattress. Aaren’s breath came out in pants, her arms now shook with the adrenaline that pulsed through her veins. Masamune whined at her side before he placed his head on her stomach.

“…I’m…okay…” Aaren said between pants. She swallowed hard.

_I have to be…_

~

Aaren now stood at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to the library. The recent sleepless nights and the lack of information on Solas’ part had done nothing to further their quest for the source of these dreams. The elf himself was confounded by this. None of the spirits that he had consulted had no knowledge of these sorts of nightmares. Many of them had suggested that Aaren was coming into her magic. Both of them knew that was not the case. Those dreams dedicated to mages were not that vivid. The biggest component being that those dreams were of one wandering in the Fade. Aaren was in no such place. Being that Solas was the Fade expert of the Inquisition, had said that her dreams were not of that of the Fade. There was something else at play here, and they had no more information to go on.

The only source of information that she was going to get would be in the library. But that was not a place that she wanted to return to. Not when she had unfinished business to deal with. Dorian would be her guide through the vast volumes of books that were housed in this huge library. He would know what books to look for and even question her about her dreams right down to the stones she walked on. But that was before she called him a _Vint_. Before she told him not to start another Blight…words that would have stabbed deep into his heart. 

_This is not how I wanted to return_ Aaren thought. Her hand was on the outer wall as she looked up the stairs. If she was coming to apologize, it would be for the hurtful words she said and the yelling she had done. That was the core motivation…not to gain access to something she needed. She gave a heavy sigh and then put her back up against the stone. What was she doing here?

_Mrrreow_

Aaren looked down at her feet to see the same cat that Dorian and Maeve raised. The cat rubbed up against her legs, even tolerated a curious sniff from Masamune. It even went up a few steps before it sat down and looked at Aaren expectantly.

“What do you want me to say?” Aaren pleaded with the cat. Spock licked her paw and brushed it behind her ear before she looked back at Aaren. There was another sigh before Aaren slowly followed after the cat. Masamune followed Aaren as they slowly ascended. As she got to the top, Aaren started to hesitate. Dorian could literally be anywhere in this place. Spock trotted forward and disappeared to the left. That was the usual place that Dorian liked to sit and read his books. With a hard swallow of the fear that started to creep up, Aaren summoned her courage and walked just past the bookshelves that started the alcove.

Sitting there, was Dorian. His nose was in a book, and Spock was resting on the back of the chair. Both seemed to enjoy the sunlight that now shone through the tall window. Masamune gave her a timid look as he peaked out from behind her. At least Masamune’s reason to fear this place was the wrath of the cat. The wolf wouldn’t understand the terror of losing a good friend because of harsh words. Nervousness started to eat at her and she began to tug at her sleeve.

“Hey…” Aaren was the first to break the silence. Dorian did not even look up from his book. To make her feel like she was being ignored even further, he turned a page and continued to read in silence. Aaren thought that was rather childish and could feel her own desire to snap start to grow.

_I can’t…_ Aaren reminded herself. 

“Dorian…I’m…I’m sorry,” Aaren said. She was a little louder this time to dispel all doubts of whether or not her voice was loud enough. She watched as Dorian gave a sigh and then closed his book with a slam. The echoing sound of it made her flinch. She waited for him to yell. To scream and tell her that they were no longer friends. But he didn’t yell. And that made this feel a whole lot worse.

“What was that?” he asked. Aaren’s heart hammered in her chest. This was the last thing she expected. Aaren was used to yelling, to having someone scream at her when they were mad or angry at her. What Dorian did made her feel as though he might already have given up on their friendship, and the possibility that he did not forgive her. Aaren tugged at her sleeve even more, and twisted it to try and calm her nervousness and fear.

“I’m sorry Dorian,” she repeated. Aaren’s gaze was cast down before words started to tumble out.

“I’m sorry for calling you something that you aren’t…and I am sorry for shouting at you…I’m sorry…” 

Dorian watched in surprise as Aaren, a proud and strong woman, was now so timid and shy before him. He’d seen some of her apologies before. They were usually met on equal footing, with her explaining where she went wrong and asking forgiveness for it. With him, all she did was apologize and make herself shrink. Almost as if she was preparing for someone to hit or hurt her. He glanced down at her hand twisting the fabric of her sleeve, the one habit that allowed Dorian to gauge her current state of emotions.

“I guess I should apologize as well,” Dorian then said. Aaren visibly froze and listened as Dorian adjusted himself in his chair. He waited for her to look up at him and saw the disbelief in his eyes. He also saw fear. An innate fear that he had not seen before. Not even when she was dying in Cullen’s arms. 

“I’ve been called worse, Aaren. And it certainly will not be the last time I get accused of being the reason the world is falling apart,” he explained. That is when Aaren seemed to relax visibly. But then her eyes looked away and her hand still twisted at the fabric. That is when Dorian stood up and placed his book in his seat.

“Both of us were angry and frustrated with the situation. Both of us wanted what was best for our friend. We both let our anger and frustration get the better of us,” he explained simply. He took a step forward and she took a step back. It was odd to see such a strong warrior flinch back from him.

“I’m not upset anymore,” Dorian reassured. “Well…I am a little upset that you haven’t come to update me on your research and that you missed several tea times.’

The joking helped to relax the room. Aaren looked back over at him with this scared and fragile look. He wondered how often she actually gave that look. Aaren then nodded and took a few calming breaths and then a nod.

“Now that that’s out of the way, why don’t we catch up a little. I can fill you in on all the juicy gossip,” Dorian said as he turned to pick up a few books that he found in his spare time. When he turned back around, he saw that Aaren had not moved from her spot. In fact, she looked rather worried and perhaps just a little more exhausted than usual.

“I actually…I need some help,” Aaren then managed to get out with some difficulty. That was a surprise. Aaren was the last person to ask for help. Well, if it was to help someone else perhaps she would ask but this didn’t feel like it was for someone else. There was a seriousness about it that wiped the smile and joking nature aside.

“Has something happened?” he asked. “Did you pick a fight with Cassandra?”

There was a small smile that appeared on Aaren’s weary face. The jokes were appreciated but now that the tension was gone and her fear of losing Dorian as a friend now gone, Aaren was exhausted. And she showed it. Part of her wished that it _was_ a fight with Cassandra, at least then she might have a decent reason to explain why she was so exhausted. But sadly, that was not the case.

“I wish it was…” Aaren answered. “It’s…dreams.”

“Oh? Are they naughty dreams?” Dorian continued to tease Aaren. The woman gave a small scoff. A light blush appeared on her face that then was added by a scowl.

“Dorian, if they were, why on earth would I talk about them with you?” she asked him. Dorian then gave a chuckle.

“Perhaps to give you advice, and to make certain you know the difference between reality and imagination,” he answered as he sorted through a few of the small piles he had stacked up neatly around his chair. Aaren’s face reddened further. She opened and closed her mouth several times. No words were able to form for a few moments. Eventually she settled for an embarrassed scowl.

“No, you idiot, they are far more serious than that,” she said. Dorian turned to say something but noticed that there was a seriousness on her face that he had not seen in quite some time. She only got that face when she was on the trail of something new in her Lyrium research or when they both looked for a cure for Maeve. Even if there was a hint of embarrassed blush on her cheeks, he could see that look in her eyes.

“I see…and what are the nature of these nightmares?” he asked her. The jokes would have to wait until after they got through this serious conversation. Aaren explained in full detail the nightmares she had. She went into great depth to catch him up on the progression of the dreams, as well as tell him Solas’ thoughts on the subject. All the while, Dorian listened very very closely.

“This voice you hear, has it told you what it is? Revealed itself in anyway?” Dorian asked. Aaren shook her head. 

“I’ve asked it to tell me were to search, what to look for, but I am always interrupted before it can answer,” the woman explained wearily. “I’m either attacked until I am jolted awake, or I run and run until I can’t.”

“It certainly explains why you would be so irritable,” Dorian half joked. Aaren sighed heavily and gave a halfhearted glare to the mage.

“When did you say this started?” he then asked as he started to walk down one of the many halls of book shelves.

“While I was stuck in the infirmary,” Aaren replied and walked after him.

“And you’ve progressively gotten worse,” he said as he looked up and down at the different book titles. “I would have to agree with Solas. These do not sound like the typical mage dreams. I would wager that something else entirely is at work here.”

He took out a book and thumbed through the pages. When he wasn’t satisfied with the book itself be put it back and went for another one.

“I’ll let you know if I find anything. For now, I can only suggest sleeping when you can,” Dorian informed. There was silence from Aaren. The Tevinter mage looked over at her to see this very fearful look. It wasn’t like the look when she was shot, this was something else entirely. 

“I didn’t want to admit this…but…those things…what I saw…it feels like if I let them catch me…I’ll be dead for real,” she said softly. There was a note of worry in her voice. Dorian looked at her full square to see that there was something vulnerable about this. 

“And…it’s getting harder and harder to wake up…”

“Have you told the Commander about this?” Dorian then asked her. Aaren shook her head at him and then refused to make eye contact with him. The fact that Aaren was having problems waking up from these so called “dreams” was a very serious development. It meant that they were running low on time. And Aaren was running low on courage and will to stand up.

“You need to go to him,” Dorian then said seriously. “He needs to know…”

Dorian gave a sigh. Aaren wasn’t the one to say what was wrong with her because she thought that would make her a burden. It was half the reason why she ended up sparing the Commander in the first place. But this…he could see why she wanted to keep this from everyone. The implications were severe and even if it was leaked out as a rumour. No one was safe from that. Dorian would rather take up that mantle as he was used to it. Aaren was not.

“Aaren…I suggest you find someone to wake you up from these nightmares. If these nightmares are blending into the physical, then someone will notice when you have fallen into these dreams. And then they can wake you from them,” Dorian suggested. Aaren looked up at him.

“Given that our dear Maeve has just come out of her own nightmares and has been inseparable from that hairy lummox, I would suggest you turn to your Commander,” the mage continued. Aaren listened for a moment, and then the embarrassment started to flush her face all the way down to her neck.

“Th-that’s!” Aaren stammered out. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to, she would love nothing more than to cuddle with Cullen in front of an open fire underneath a thick blanket. It was that there were other desires that both she and Cullen wanted to act upon but vowed not to break the promise she gave to her father before coming here. Suggesting that they potentially sleep in the same bed together was just…Well it just wasn’t good!

“Besides…what will the others think?” Aaren then asked.

“You must really be exhausted if you are now thinking about what others think of you,” Dorian said with some surprise. Aaren gave him a small scowl before she looked away rather childishly. Dorian gave a small sigh.

“As much as I would want you two to take the next step in your relationship willingly, this is not about that. This is about your health and protecting your life. If you feel as though you are unable to bring yourself back from your nightmares you need to have someone there that could wake you up. Your Commander is the only other person that can give you that comfort. Who know, he might even ward off the dreams for a time,” Dorian suggested. Aaren gave a small sigh. What Dorian said was true. Her first choice would have been Maeve but she was still recovering and discovering what she could do outside her curse. Aaren did not want to add to that. She also did not want to add to anyone else’s burden if she could help it. A pat on her shoulder brought her from her thoughts.

“We will figure this out. Together this time,” Dorian said with his signature smile. Aaren could feel a bit of relief wash over her when she heard that. That statement meant that Dorian had put what happened between them behind him. They were friends through and through…and now…the next thing to do was break this information to Cullen. Aaren looked behind her at the staircase that she had waited at the bottom for several moments. Would she remain here at the top for many more?

“If you’d like, I could accompany you,” Dorian then offered. Aaren shook her head. This was something she needed to do on her own. Just as she came up here to apologize on her own. 

_Cullen said I could come to him for help…_ the woman thought to herself. She took a breath and sighed heavily. Actually asking for help was scarier to her than going out there in battle.

“This is something I have to do…without your help,” Aaren then answered Dorian. The mage gave a nod of understanding.

“Then I shall be here,” he said. With that he turned and started to go back through the plethora of bookshelves and its contents. Aaren sent up a small prayer that Dorian would find something that Solas could not. At least then Solas might have a more specific questions to ask the spirits of the Fade. For Aaren herself, she turned and slowly walked down the stone staircase from whence she came. Her feet rang hollow against stone and with each step dread set further and further in.

The dread was due to her fear of speaking to Cullen. What if he thought she was going crazy? What if he thought that she was becoming a mage? What if she scared him away? The “what ifs” were what caused most of her fear. The more rational part of her brain was drowned out by the increasing sense of fear and panic. Sadly it would only serve to make matters worse. Even as she approached the door, she stood before it frozen in a sense of foreboding. Masamune gave a small little whine to snap her out of her stupor.

He wagged his tail slightly at her. It was as though the wolf was encouraging Aaren to go on. Or it could be that the wolf wanted to get his usual pets. Either way, it was a motivator for Aaren to push open the door.

It creaked open to reveal the commander’s office. Cullen was behind his desk, shifting through the papers that never seemed to leave his desk. Masamune pushed passed Aaren and happily trotted into the room. His claws clicked lightly on the stone flooring.

“Masamune?” Cullen asked as the wolf shoved at his legs to get his attention. The commander gave a chuckle at the wolf and stopped his work to pet Masamune on the head. Aaren was silent as she closed the door behind her. She then turned around to look at Cullen and he smiled up at her. But his smile faded as soon as he saw the seriousness in Aaren’s face. Or was it perhaps the fear that she exuded once she came into the room.

“Is something the matter?” Cullen then asked. Aaren didn’t answer right away. Instead, she took a steadying breath and crossed the room closer to him.

“Um…yeah…well…something’s been happening…” Aaren slowly started to tell. At first her voice was quiet, but when added volume it sounded shaky and unstable. Her tugged at her sleeve while Cullen stood there in anxious silence. 

“So…I’ve…been having these strange dreams,” she started. Instantly she could see the horror and concern that started to spread over Cullen’s face. The rest of his smile fell away and was replaced by the lines of painful memories that he probably was fighting back. The same worries he would get when they talked about his past. Aaren knew there was no way around this conversation. Anything she said would make it seem like she was becoming a mage. A thing that had been a source of horror and terror for the man she had come to love.

“I…I know what you’re thinking…and I have been trying to figure this out before coming to you…but it isn’t that. I’m not having mage dreams,” Aaren explained quickly. She didn’t ever want to hurt Cullen. She was well aware of Cullen’s reasons for hating mages, but she explained that what she was going through was not related to magic at all. Her explanation seemed to sooth him down a bit, but the concern did not dissipate. Instead he came around from his desk to walk closer to her so they might speak to one another without any physical barrier between them. The lines on his face were etched with worry.

“Are these your nightmares?” Cullen then asked her. Masamune walked alongside him and sat by his feet. The wolf looked from one human to the other. She could see him trying to fight the real question he wanted to ask. Aaren shook her head.

“I wish it were…at least then I can rationally explain what is happening,” Aaren said sadly. She looked away and debated on what to tell him. On how to tell him. It was so hard to reach out and lean on someone when she had grown up believing that there was not really anyone else that she could rely on. Her father might have been there for her, but not in the physical sense. Even then he would walk with her through the problems, never truly shouldering all of her worries for he wanted her to be able to stand without his help. These are not complaints to the life she grew up to, merely understandings. If she had grown up differently, maybe she wouldn’t have been able to withstand these visions for as long as she had.

“They…they are vivid,” Aaren started to explain. She spoke of each and every dream she had. Of the castle that she was often sent to and of the voice that spoke with her in a playful and sometimes annoyed tones. Of the sudden change in mood within recent days and how it was getting harder and harder to return back to the land of the conscious. She told him of Solas’ findings, and lack evidence to suggest what this might be. All the while, Cullen listened silently.

“Maker’s breath, Aaren,” Cullen whispered under his breath. He rubbed a hand over his face to be rid of the growing worry that he felt. Aaren had already gone through some of the worst events upon her arrival. Thedas seemed to throw more at her than the average man or woman should have to deal with in their lifetime. Yet she was here. A few months late in disclosing this information with him, but still she was here. But he had to remind himself that she thought that these might have been dreams to work through the horrors of the battlefield and the war she fought. To Aaren, she rationally thought that these were visions to help her get through the evils that humanity had wrought upon the world.

“Why did you not tell me this sooner?” he asked with a slightly sound of defeat in his tone. Aaren twisted the fabric of her sleeve more and looked away from him. There was guilt. Shame. But he could then see how frightful she was as she stood there.

“I was…scared…” Aaren admitted softly. Her voice above a whisper. Cullen could see that she worried ever more about this. Of course she would have. Her hand twisted at the fabric of her sleeve and she avoided meeting his eyes. She was the one that always thought and then over thought through things. Sometimes that would be her downfall. But at least she was here now, speaking to him about this.

“I was scared. I was scared that I was turning into something you hated,” she admitted softly. Aaren’s body trembled before him. She never once made eye contact as she gave her reason for not telling him. She looked like she was preparing for the worst. A reflex within an abused animal to curl up and make herself seem smaller and less of a threat.

“Aaren…” Cullen’s heart was breaking just looking at her. Not once had Aaren thought of herself. Her thoughts were of others and how they would affect others. He was happy she would think about that…but he had grown from those darker times. He had learned that mages were just as human as he was. And he was now learning that he could never hate Aaren. That was an emotion he could not have for Aaren. It only made his heart ache worse. Cullen then took her hand away from her sleeve and pulled her gently into a comforting hug.

“I could never hate you,” he said. The commander than gave a soft kiss on the top of her head. Aaren wrapped her arms around him as best she could and clung to him. She held her breath against the sobs that wanted to come out. Aaren was unaware of how much she was scared of telling him, and that fear was enough to make her cry. She buried her face in the crux of his shoulder and stayed that way until her breath evened out and the desire to cry out of fearful anxiety passed. Cullen rubbed a hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. It always helped Aaren relax and calm down whenever she was sad, angry, or upset. 

“Is there anything that can be done?” Cullen asked when the tension in Aaren’s body relaxed away. Aaren shifted so that her face was no longer buried.

“Nothing…not yet…” Aaren corrected herself. There had to be a cure. There had to be something out there to prevent these dreams and whatever was in them from getting her. If it meant figuring out what the voice was in order to find it and stop it from summoning her into those dreams in the first place, then that is what she would do. For now, she would have to propose Dorian’s idea to help her wake up from these dreams. 

“Nothing to help you…wake up from these dreams?” he asked. There was a note of worry as he held her close. At least he could not see the red appear on her face as she thought about what she was going to say.

“Well…Dorian suggested that I have someone in the room whilst I sleep, just in case,” Aaren said. Cullen furrowed his eyebrows at that statement. What exactly did she mean by “someone in the room”? He shifted so he could look down at her face properly.

“What does that mean?” he asked her. Aaren was avoiding his gaze, but in the same way she usually did when she was shy about their romantic situations. He then started to think about it. If someone was in the same room…while she was asleep…then that meant Aaren would have someone in the room perhaps sleeping with her. The thought of someone else in the room with Aaren…it made him grit his teeth in an effort to keep silent. 

“Dorian suggested that it be you,” Aaren then answered. “That I sleep with you so that you would be at my side to wake me up should I fall into another nightmare.”

There was an innocence in the way she explained it. But Aaren was a smart woman and realized the error in her words and the blush started to creep in as he looked at her.

“Not like sleep sleep, but you know. Actually sleeping and not that other thing,” Aaren started to trip over her words in an effort not to have to explain the unintended double meaning. Each word that came out of her mouth didn’t seem to help her at all. Each word only deepened the redness that spread across her face like wildfire. Cullen merely smiled down at her. He could feel the sting of blush on his own cheeks at the mere thought of having her close to him…in the same bed. Such thoughts were not exactly foreign to him. 

“I know what you intended to say,” Cullen said. “And I remember the promise that you made before coming to this world. I promise no unwanted advances.”

Aaren didn’t even have to ask him out right. The relief she felt when he indirectly offered himself as the one to watch over her sleep. But then she was also rather embarrassed at the thought of them being in the same bed. She could hear her own father yell at her for even thinking it. Well not yell…but rather go after Cullen for the mere mention that they were sharing the same bed. Then there was a bit of hesitation when it came to this decision.

“People will talk, you know,” Aaren said softly. Her eyes were downcast. It was not like she was ashamed of their relationship, she was more worried about the rumours that would come from this. Cullen then tilted her head up so that he might kiss her forehead. It was a loving kiss but he trailed down to the tip of her nose and then a lingering kiss on her lips. 

“Aaren…I do not care what others think about us. We know the truth and that is all that matters,” he reminded her. He leaned his forehead against hers in an affectionate way. Aaren had her eyes closed and just took in the warmth of him. If that’s all that mattered to him, than she could deal with the snide comments from those who were either malicious or jealous of their happiness. 

“Then I shall see you later tonight,” Aaren said. There was a light blush still on her face as she said those words. Cullen gave a light chuckle followed by another kiss on her forehead before he took a step back from her.

“I will wait for you,” he said. Never in his wildest dreams would he think that he would be the one to wait for the love of his life to come to him. He’d always dreamt of the days where he might come home to a lover’s embrace and a hot meal like so many others. But those were fleeting dreams. They were so rare that it caught him off guard in some ways. Still, they were nice thoughts. Ones that helped him through some of the rougher moments of his current job and through his Lyrium withdraw. 

~

Night fell upon Skyhold faster than Aaren realized. Her mind was so distracted by thoughts of enjoying the same bed as Cullen and a potential restfully sleep that she forgot what time it was. She had to rush to get at least a change in clothes for the night packed and rushed out of her door. She nearly sprinted the entire way to Cullen’s office where she said she would meet him. Masamune, elated at the chance to run around Skyhold for the umpteenth time, was barely winded. Aaren pushed open the door to see Cullen cleaning up the papers that were thrown about his desk.

“Sorry…I’m…late…” Aaren panted out. Cullen looked up and gave a little laugh at the sight of a panting Aaren who leaned against the door.

“There was no need to rush,” Cullen said with a residual chuckle. Aaren took a moment to catch her breath and then stood up straight.

“But…it’s already night… I thought perhaps you would have already gone to bed by now,” Aaren said. Cullen gave her a small and weary smile.

“Some nights,” he said and then crossed the room to pull her into a sweet embrace.

“But I would wait an eternity just to see you,” he whispered in her ear. Aaren could feel her heart start to hammer in her chest. The things that Cullen said and did just made her feel loved. More so than she could have ever anticipated. Aaren looked up at him. Cullen then dipped his head down for a slow kiss. Aaren seemed all too eager to kiss him back.

_Sweet Andraste_ Cullen thought to himself. If they continued down this path, he would have to turn her away. She was the one who wanted to keep the promise to her father and he would honor that. So he broke the kiss and put a little distance between them. Aaren had a spot of blush on her cheeks. A little dazed, she sought the right words to say after that wonderful. Cullen cleared his throat.

“Anyway, you must be tired,” Cullen tried to change the subject.

“A little…but are you done with work?” Aaren then asked. Cullen gave a nod. 

“Just finished up,” he then walked to the ladder that was always standing there in the corner. Aaren always thought it was an odd place to have a ladder until Cullen went to it and gestured to it.

“Ladies first,” he said. Masamune was the one to dart forward while Aaren scowled at the beast. He wagged his tail at Cullen who looked at him with a disapproving look. 

“I doubt you could climb this ladder,” he said to the wolf. The wolf looked up at him and then looked up at ladder that Cullen had pointed out for the wolf. He sniffed it with his nose and walked around it once before he looked over at the two humans expectantly.

“I, for one, am not gonna carry you up there,” Aaren groused.

“Perhaps if you show him?” Cullen then suggested. Aaren rolled her eyes. Even if she did show the wolf, there was no way he was going to climb a completely vertical ladder. For that matter…Aaren wasn’t sure how she would get up there. If there was one thing she was terrified of, besides the occasional spider that crawled into her room, it was heights. She looked up at the ladder and swallowed hard. 

_You can do this_ she thought to herself. _It’s only a ladder…without much support…straight up…_

She walked to the ladder and swung her pack over her shoulders and she went up five rungs before she started to feel the scary anxiety creep in. She had to focus and make her hands and feet work to get up further. She took steading breaths and focused on just looking up. The moment that she looked down, she would be unable to move and there was nothing anyone else could do or say that would make her body unlock itself from the inevitable shutdown. The floor boards of the ceiling came closer with each rung, and the eternity that took to get her to the top. Once she was there, she was quick to get away from the edge. How Cullen was able to do that every night she would never understand. But now that she was up here, calmed and collected, she looked around his room.

It was neat…if having just a bed at the end of the room along with a rug consisted of a neat room. But that is not what caught Aaren’s eyes. It was the ivy that creeped up the walls and the open ceiling that allowed sunlight to pour in. Well, it would if there was sunlight. A slight breeze came from the opening. Aaren looked through the cracks to see stars twinkling in the night sky. It was a hidden gem within this room. 

“Feel free to prepare for bed,” Cullen’s voice called up the ladder. That’s when Aaren noticed that this one only one room…with no screen for privacy. Embarrassment crashed over her for a moment. Perhaps she should have thought about that before she came running here. The woman sighed heavily, and placed her things right underneath the ivy that creeped across the stones that made up the walls of this tower. She then proceeded to, hastily, change out of her civilian clothes and into her sleeping clothes. They were simple Fereldan tunic and pants. A cotton fiber that would keep her warm at night and allow for her to keep the windows open in her room and to make sure she didn’t freeze when the weather was too cold for normal people. Even if it was a short-sleeved shirt and capri like pants, it still kept her relatively warm. 

“Cullen, if you’re waiting for me, I am finished!” Aaren called down from a safe distance. The man in question didn’t answer her right away. She looked over at the ladder and contemplated on maybe looking over the edge to see if Cullen heard her, but his head popped up above the boards. Their eyes met and he gave her a little sheepish grin.

“I thought it might be better to…um, change down there,” Cullen said. As he came up over the lip of the flooring, Aaren realized what he meant. Cullen was no longer in his usual armour that she was used to seeing him in. A slight burning sensation on her cheeks started to spread slowly across her face. He was in a cotton tunic and brownish pants that fit snug into his usual boots. He then crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed so he could properly take them off. Aaren, meanwhile, was transfixed. 

It was almost like seeing Cullen in a completely different light. There wasn’t really a time when Cullen wasn’t in his usual armour. This…this was something that Aaren was pleasantly surprised to see. It was almost like he was more relaxed, not so focused in on work. Aaren then turned her head away, a hand on her mouth as she yawned widely.

“Alright, in to bed with you,” Cullen said with a little chuckle. 

“But I’m not tired yet,” Aaren grumbled childishly. She rubbed her eyes to play the part. Cullen gave a light chuckle as he helped her to one side of the bed. Even if it wasn’t necessary, Cullen was still the gentleman. Once he was sure that she was comfortable, Cullen climbed into bed on his side and blew the candle out. The room went dark except for the moonlight that fell through the cracked ceiling. Silence fell between them. 

“…” Aaren said nothing.

“…” Cullen said nothing. 

It wasn’t until the silence was so unbearable that Aaren opened her mouth to speak.

“You know…unless you don't want to…I don't mind cuddling,” Aaren said carefully. She knew what she was saying. Part of her just wanted to lay embraced with Cullen like so many of her dreams had been. Yet the other part of her mind knew where it could lead if she was not careful.

“Thank the Maker,” Cullen whispered to himself. He then rolled over and placed an arm around Aaren’s waist to pull her close to him. Aaren was surprised to say the least. They were always hugging and embracing one another before but she never thought that Cullen would be the one to crave this. It put a smile on her face as she snuggled close enough to rest her back against him. 

“Oh…sorry…I…umm…” Cullen wasn’t sure how to explain his actions. It was an impulsive decision. He just wanted to hold her as close to him as possible.

“Don't worry about it,” Aaren replied. “I like this.”

Cullen gave a smile that was hidden in the darkness. He pressed his lips to her hair before his head settled back on the pillows and he closed his eyes. Aaren listened to the sounds of the night from Cullen’s perspective. There were the sounds of the wind that came through the cracks as a low whistle. The clink of metal against metal as the armour of the guards rotated shifts. Then there was the breath of Cullen from behind her. She waited until it evened out and his arm around her relaxed. 

_He fell asleep fast_ Aaren thought to herself with a content smile on her face. She could feel the pull of sleep on her mind. Her eyes closed slowly and she offered a small prayer that their night would be peaceful.

~

Sunlight slowly spread around the room to signal morning’s arrival. Cullen’s eyes scrunched up as his body slowly started to wake up. Everyday it was the same. Early to rise and prepare for the day ahead of him. However, there was one thing that had changed. Aaren was with him. That made a smile appear on his face. He rolled over to see that she had effectively curled up under the blankets and buried her head into the pillows. Her brown hair veiled her sleeping face. Cullen gently brush her hair out of the way. She didn't move. Blessed Andraste, why couldn't She bless him with more time for tender moments like this? Sure, they were at war. And they needed to stop Corypheus. Even so, they deserved a moment’s peace every now and again. It was now, more than ever, that Cullen began to realize how important these sorts of moments were. 

“I love you Aaren,” he whispered to her. He wished he could say it more often. Words and emotions that he wanted to express but never thought he would have time…that they would have time… It was a thought that had Cullen pondering. What of the future?

“Hmm?” Aaren murmured as she slowly started to wake. 

“Morning,” Cullen said softly.

“Does it have to be morning?” she asked. A smile appeared on his face. 

“The outside world says it has to be morning,” he said with a soft chuckle. Aaren rolled over to stretch her arms out before they flopped down on the bed. 

“Sleep well?” he asked her quietly. Aaren looked over at him sleepily and then looked back at the ceiling. Did she sleep well? That was the best sleep she had had in several months. A lazy smile appeared on her face as she rolled back over and snuggled into the pillow.

“mmmhmmm,” Aaren answered. She didn’t want to get up right away. 

“Perhaps we should do this more often?” He asked softly. Cullen watched Aaren’s eyebrows furrow with the effort to understand him. She looked over his face, a cowl of sleep still covered her brain until there was a light that seemed to go off. She lifted herself up on her elbows and looked at him with excitement.

“Was that an invitation to have another sleep over?” Aaren asked as though she were a child. The exclamation made Cullen chuckled.

“That was an invitation to have a permanent sleep over every night for as long as you want,” he said softly. Aaren looked up at him. She searched for the joke, the tease, and when she found none she gave a genuinely beautiful smile.

“I think I’d like that…I’d like that very much,” she said before returning to the pillow. “But ten more minutes…”

“Hahaha, alright…just ten more minutes,” he said. Even Cullen was unable to resist the temptation of staying together for a few more minutes.


End file.
